Kind: captions
Language: en
as you get older you are less plastic so
it actually does become harder to learn
new things you begin to find the things
that work for you and so you think oh
well I know how to do this and then you
encounter that moment where it stops
working and so now it's like oh wait a
second
so Tom we're gonna bring it to the light
later but I'll start at the deep dark
ends what are the top five
behaviors and mental traps people do to
live a really miserable life
what do people do so ego is going to be
number one so the whole idea if you want
to live the good life is to recognize
that you are a deeply flawed individual
that is holding yourself back that your
life is a reflection entirely of your
choices and not your circumstances and
if you're not happy with that that means
that you're doing something wrong so
I'll Define right and wrong as it's
right when it moves you towards your
goal and it's wrong when it moves you
away so if you're not where you want to
be You Are by definition doing something
wrong but most people can't work through
the loop that I call the physics of
progress because their ego stops them in
a critical part so the physics of
progress go like this you have a guess
as to how you're going to get to your
goal so first of all it assumes you know
what your goal is but for now let's
assume that you do know your goal so
you've got to guess this is what I would
need to do in order to get to my goal
you're going to do that thing and it's
going to fail now we all have to
struggle with uh oh I tried the thing
and it failed the problem is most people
put up their ego defenses find a way to
believe that it was somebody else's
fault it was the economy it was where I
was born it was that my parents didn't
have money it's that the system is
rigged whatever
because those are probably valid reasons
why it's going to be harder for that
person than the next person they stop
but let's go back to my definition of
right and wrong right is that which
moves you towards your goals wrong is
that which moves you away so people then
are blind to the fact that they're
saying that their real goal is to get
where they're going make a million
dollars have a successful business be a
teacher whatever but the reality is
their real goal is to feel good about
themselves
most people never have the
self-awareness to avoid that conflict
and then even if they have the
self-awareness that they're in a
conflict they don't realize that they
could shift their self-esteem around
instead of being right so
um what I tried was right and the only
reason it didn't work is because the
world is stacked against me might
actually be true but how are you going
to move forward because there is some
better thing that's going to move you
forward most people are never going to
see that because they stop at making it
somebody else's fault the next thing you
have to do is you have to be optimistic
you have to believe what I call the only
belief that matters that if I failed at
something it's because I'm not good
enough yet but I can get good and so
many people believe because it really
feels this way you believe that your
talent and intelligence are fixed traits
and the reason you believe that is it
gets harder as you get older to get
those huge gains that you get like when
you're a little kid and you can't walk
it's like this whole binary zero to one
moment of like whoa I couldn't and now I
can this is incredible and then you get
to first grade and it's like can't do
math now I can't do math while it's
pretty cool can't do multiplication
tables now I can you start to get to
algebra and it's like oh God I don't
know this is not as easy as I hoped it
would be you start having failures you
get rejected by girls like you start
getting all these things to stack up
where the path to stand up practice
walking it doesn't work as well you're
also as you get older you are less
plastic so it actually does become
harder to learn new things also you
begin to find the things that work for
you and so you think oh well I know how
to do this I've done it really well and
then you encounter that moment where it
stops working and so now it's like oh
wait a second I it was working so I had
my big zero to one moment then it
stopped working and people confuse that
with hitting the edge of their abilities
not realizing you've only hit the edge
of your current skill set so I remind
myself in business all the time my
current skill set has already taken me
as far as it's going to take me and so
if I want to go farther I have to get
better but if you don't believe that you
can get better then you won't put the
energy and effort into getting better
but because it becomes incrementally
more difficult to get better you begin
to confuse it with I've reached the edge
of my capabilities then if your ego is
built around I'm right not that I can
identify the right answer I am right so
I've done all the things I hit the edge
of my current abilities and I have a
belief that
I don't know that I can get any better
and I have the ego defenses coming
saying it was somebody else's fault
anyway ah cool then I'm off the hook I
don't have to be confrontational of this
reality that I've reached the edge of
what I'm capable of which sucks that
feeling of like I'll never be as good as
somebody else that feeling eats at us in
a really gnarly way so that's where you
get clobbered to death with oh I no
longer am optimistic that I can get
better because all my big gains my early
gains those went away and my
subconscious hands me a ready-made
excuse for why this isn't my fault and I
take it and I exit and that brings us to
the third thing repetition you become
what you repeat so people that don't
repeat things they don't try over and
over they just give up really easily
they are destined for failure if you
don't have a massive amount of
resilience you are really in trouble and
most people don't have resilience and so
if I'm talking about the five things
that you do that really like take you
down a dark path don't be resilient give
up easily because if it's true that you
can get better but the sort of early big
wins begin to diminish and you're gonna
have to work harder and push harder and
be more consistent then it's like by
giving up you never get better and so
now you're reinforcing hey Not only was
it somebody else's fault you couldn't
get better anyway so why would it matter
don't even try and so everything that
reinforces that don't even try is how
people get themselves into a super dark
place another thing that's really going
to hold people back is if you are
comparing yourself to somebody else and
you're letting that diminish your sense
of self so I would constantly if I
wanted to fail I would constantly
compare myself to other people and be
like I'm a total loser and I have the
proof because look at all these other
people and they're doing way better than
I am they're ahead of me I remember oh
God every filmmaker of my generation had
a moment when they turned 24 when they
realized that what at least for my
generation was considered arguably the
greatest film of all time was Citizen
Kane really is Awesome by the way even
though it's black and white and it's all
the [ __ ] for The Tick Tock generation
they're never going to go for it but it
it's a really fantastic film and Orson
Welles made it when he was 24. and he
made it when arguably the most powerful
man in the world so imagine somebody
like Bill Gates coming after you and oh
God even better uh one of the guys that
owns like a media conglomer Jeff Bezos
owns the Washington Post so the guy
Rudolph Hearst owned what at the time
was the media publication Citizen Kane
is about that guy so it would be like
somebody making a movie about Jeff Bezos
and that he's corrupt and lonely and
Jeff Bezos was like oh you think you're
gonna actually tell that story nah I'm
clamping down I'm gonna get your funding
revoked I'm going to make sure that
nobody screens the film all that so this
guy at 24 gets this movie made when
everybody thinks oh this guy's literally
gonna kill him have him killed or he's
gonna stop his movie from being funded
then not only does he get it made but it
becomes arguably the greatest film of
all time and so you hit this moment
where you're like Orson Welles are just
better than I'll ever be why am I even
trying then back into not being
resilient then back into all the things
you're trying just aren't working on and
on and on and then the last thing is if
I really wanted to mess somebody up I
mean I really want to break their
ability to go anywhere in life I'm going
to make sure that I mess up their body
I'm going to make sure that they aren't
getting the sleep they need I'm going to
make sure that they eat a ton of sugar
I'm going to make sure that they're
overweight I'm going to make sure that
they don't exercise and that is going to
destroy their cognition in a thousand
ways they're going to be in a level of
pain they don't even realize they're in
because they've never not had a stomach
ache when they eat they've never not
eaten right before they go to bed and
have their sleep disrupted because
they've got food just sitting in their
digestive tract they don't even know
brain fog all that stuff and so those
are the five things I would do if I
really the funny thing even as I'm
saying I can't make it about me I've
gotta like if I were gonna mess up
somebody else uh those are the things
that I would do wow but gotta avoid like
the plague like the plague but so the
the fourth one
like it just feels so like instrumental
this guy 24 like he did it and I'm not
24 but I'm 24 but let's say I'm like 26
and and I'm still not I'm not there yet
so yeah like let's say you're 40. say
you're 46. so you're 50. so this is the
Trap Is by comparing yourself to other
people it's going to diminish your sense
of self it pulls you out of that
optimistic mode and the reality is I may
never make a film as good as Citizen
Kane I may never be as good as Walt
Disney that's my the real person I'm
chasing I may never accomplish what Elon
Musk has accomplished and so I do the
thought exercise and the words I want to
introduce to people are and now what so
you're never going to be whoever it is
that you look up to and you admire
you're never going to be as good as them
and now what do you give up do you cry
all day do you uh accept a lesser life
or do you go ham and so the thing that I
want people to understand you can get a
hundred times better at whatever now
most people spend so much time lamenting
that they'll never be as good as
whatever person it is that they look up
to and fantasize about and want to be
that they never 100 x their own
abilities and so their life is far less
than it could have been so what I have
found through experience even though I
still feel the sting of not being as
good as the people that I admire or
having to face that Disney Walt Disney
had done way more than I've done by this
point in his life even if he didn't have
as much money as I have he certainly had
built something far more
um
that represented what he wanted to do
far more than what I've done right my
whole life has been about finally
getting to that moment and I haven't and
maybe it forever recedes into the
distance but what I've learned through
experience is the act of going ham is so
intoxicating is so fun that it is the
juice but most people are broken
emotionally by the comparison and so to
some extent you just can't allow
yourself to do it how do you unlearn the
beliefs that got you here uh that are
now holding you back so you have to let
them atrophy so if you want your
negative beliefs to atrophy then you
have to really stop using them so number
one read the book feeling great by David
D Burns it's all about cognitive
behavioral therapy but one of the core
tenets of cognitive behavioral therapy
is pattern interrupting so you have
cognitive distortions you're repeating
things to yourself that aren't true I'll
never be able to I'm not as good as I
could never right those are all
cognitive distortions you don't know
that that's true you won't know that
that's true until you spend a lifetime
trying and you're on your deathbed
you're like well I'm out of time now I
really know I really won't be able to do
it or by then you will have accomplished
so much if you really are that diligent
persistent so you have to pattern
interrupt you have to break out of that
thing that you repeat now what I find
fascinating is the reason that pattern
interrupting is so important the reason
that the only way to begin to let those
negative beliefs dissipate is by not
using them is because neurons that fire
together wire together it's an
evolutionary Advan Advantage it's
actually a really good thing this is why
you can pick something and get good at
it because your brain is an energy hog
from an evolutionary perspective we have
this weird dueling competing desires
that are baked into our brain one go
hard go out there chase after it get it
right Grand ambition but then you also
have the desire to sit on the couch and
eat potato chips because your brain is
so hungry for calories it eats up 25 of
the calories that you intake into your
body
now when you can just go to the grocery
store and get a bag of potato chips it's
not a problem but when you have to go
out and face death every day to hunt to
gather all of that you have to have
evolutionary pressure to chill right so
you go out you get what you need don't
keep going so you've got it now you need
to calm down because your brain just to
keep everything going is going to gobble
through those calories so I can't also
have the body going ham all the time
what the brain does is go all right from
a biological standpoint I've got to make
these thoughts as efficient as humanly
possible so that we're not 50 or 75
percent of the caloric energy so it does
things to make them more efficient and
one of the things that it does is it
myelinates the connection points so when
you do things and I think people
underestimate the complexity of a habit
so a habit isn't just seeing something
doing something hearing something
feeling something smelly it's all of
those things put together right so
you've got the Habit Loop trigger you've
got then the desire to pursue the drip
of dopamine that you know that you're
going to get you've got the sights and
sounds that might be all a part of that
all that stuff is wired together so it's
this huge cluster of neuronal firing and
it all gets this fatty tissue wrapped
around it so it's like this ball of
activity and so you get into these
patterns of activity that are the
easiest thing for you to think and feel
so if the easiest thing for you to think
and feel is a negative thought that you
repeat to yourself over and over and
over and that your brain goes oh we do
this a lot we feel this way a lot we
think this thing a lot rad let me make
it super easy so now when you get back
into I'm a loser I'm not going to do
that I'll never accomplish that or just
like a negative Doom scroll on Tick Tock
or whatever that becomes the most
efficient thing for your body to do and
you crave that feeling you are pushed
into the efficiency from an evolutionary
standpoint so you have to interrupt it
you have to stop the thought stop the
activity whatever and then begin to
build something new so you stop using
the old one and then you force a demand
on the brain so that it's unwiring these
things and making these new wiring
connections and connecting that and
because tissues in the body you never
keep if they're not needed so if you
think about muscle right if you work out
like a demon you get a yoked physique
and then you stop working out six months
later you're going to be way closer to
where you started before you started
lifting than the left and I would say
probably a year 18 months out no one
would ever know even if you had a
massive amount of muscle because your
body's just like muscles expensive
calorically if I don't need it I'm going
to get rid of it and so when you stop
using a pattern in your brain then the
connections are going to dissipate it's
not going to be the first thing that
occurs to you anymore you're going to be
out of that habit Loop in fact to push
us to the extreme during the Vietnam war
there was massive amounts of drug use
and people get addicted to opioids
heroin all that stuff most of them just
stopped when they came back and the
reason that they stopped when they came
back was they just didn't have access to
it they didn't know who to talk to like
I'll tell you right now I would have
done
um psilocybin or whatever by now if I
could reliably get it but I don't have
anybody that I know how to get it from
so I've tried like a tiny bit here and
there but that's it so it's when you
don't have it in your environment you
don't think about it you don't reach for
it you don't crave it so you've got to
do that break apart but then to make it
easier make sure that you're leaning
into something new that's powerful that
you can repeat I want to go back to
capabilities and skill set and ask you
how you would advise a person who has
ventured off in different career paths
they've tried so many things in their
lifetime they've excelled in all of them
but at the end of the day they're the
Jack of all trades and the master of
nothing so I want to hear your advice on
that and a follow-up question is do you
think that that's the way to go or do
you think they should stop and just
reassess and focus on one thing what
outcome do you want
um like let's also say because another
question I had was how does somebody go
about finding their passion who's
completely lost okay so those are two
wildly different questions yeah so how
you find your passion will set aside now
we'll just say you don't find it it is
an architectural build not an
archaeological dig
but going back to the first part so you
have to know what you want to accomplish
so for most people when they fantasize
about their life they fantasize about
becoming the goat of something like I'm
going to be the greatest singer of all
time
if you want that just think about LeBron
James if LeBron James were
simultaneously trying to be the greatest
basketball player of all time the best
singer of all time the best accountant
of all time you'd be like hey LeBron
I've got money on you this weekend you
better get your ass on the basketball
court stop [ __ ] around with
accounting right so we know when it's
somebody else exactly what they should
be doing if they want to be the greatest
of all time you need a maniacal Focus
you need to be lasered in on one thing
and you do it to the abstraction of
everything else and you do it
obsessively to the point where
everything else in your life ideally is
falling apart right it's just and I say
ideally as a person with money on you
know LeBron James it's like ah I don't
want you to think about it I want you to
be like Tom Brady like from what I hear
and I don't know that this is true but
given that he get just got divorced I'm
going to guess that it is that he would
make his family sleep somewhere else
when he had like a big game coming up he
did not want distractions he wanted to
be totally laser focused literally to
the point where everything else in his
life is falling apart but you want to
talk goats that guy is going to go down
in history now having said all of that I
find it very hard in my own life
to just say oh I'm gonna do this one
thing this channel would be way bigger
if I just interviewed one kind of guest
over and over and over and everybody
knew exactly what they were going to get
and I didn't try to Branch out and cover
more things that I find fascinating this
channel will be a lot bigger if we
didn't have the entertainment side where
we're trying to do comics and video
games and all that stuff right if I
would just maniacally focused on having
the best
interview series YouTube channel ever I
know that but that's not the life that I
want to live that's why the first
question is what do you want because
ultimately my advice to people is to
chase fulfillment and fulfillment has to
do with what do you love right so you're
gonna have to discover that you're going
to find that initial bump of like oh
this thing gives me more energy than it
takes but it's not like when I was a kid
I was like oh yo I want to have a
YouTube channel I didn't even think I
want to build the next Disney I created
that over time when I was a quest I was
actually perfectly happy to do
storytelling inside of a protein bar
company right because I just needed
meaning and purpose now I knew I wanted
to storytell I've known that since I was
12. but it wasn't like the central
passion of my life to build the next
Disney until I decided to make it that
and so when I was Jesus I probably would
have been 37 38 the first time I said
I'm going to build the next Disney so
it's you know that's a lot of my life
where I had another mission that I would
have stated another passion that I would
have said now storytelling was always
one of my passions but I actually would
have told you that it was filmmaking
so I would have said oh I want to be a I
want to be a director that was my
earliest thing and I invested a lot into
that which is how it went from being an
interest to being a passion so I want
people to understand you don't look in
words and find a passion you look
inwards and find something that gives
you more energy than it takes then you
invest in that to see if it's really
going to be a Fascination if the more
you do it the more you push yourself
into learning about it if the more
you're like whoa this is really cool I
love this that's a Fascination now if
you want to turn it into a passion
you're going to go through the process
of gaining Mastery for something to be a
passion I think you have to get feedback
from the world okay I happen to know
that you're a singer and an amazing one
at that and I know human psychology
enough to know when you played me your
song for the first time and I freaked
out that that feeds into your sense of
like wow I worked really hard to get
good at something and this person's
having a really big emotional reaction
and that's part of how I want to
contribute to the world I want to sing
in a way that moves people you saw that
it moved me now you you're in that Loop
that I called the passion Loop so for it
to be passion you need to work really
hard to get good at something that
matters to other people and you need
both the shout meaning when you sing it
makes you feel some kind of way and the
echo where I hear what you've worked so
hard at and I'm like oh my God and now
you're in this Loop where you're like I
want to get even better because I want
more people to react like that now
you're in a passion Loop now where
people get into trouble it's going back
to the first question so now you're in
this passion Loop you should be fine
with hey I sing it makes people feel
awesome we're good right no because
you're comparing yourself to other
people you have this huge goal that you
want to attain and so now you've got
something outside you try to achieve it
you get knocked back it didn't work the
way that you thought it was going to
work what does that say about me
possibly you make it other people's
fault or you just give up and go wow I'm
really not capable which then makes you
feel terrible about yourself which that
makes you not love the singing as much
as you did before and you get into this
super self-destructive Loop so let me
tell you what monks have figured out
that other people don't get that that
desire to want more is a double-edged
sword a monk is somebody who realizes oh
this thing that makes me feel alive and
pushes me to be better also Cuts me down
and makes me dislike myself and makes me
lose passion for the thing that I loved
right before I started comparing myself
and so the choice that they choose is to
opt out of the Rat Race and so they're
like I'm just gonna go over here and I'm
gonna let go of Desire because I realize
that desire is the root of all suffering
now I take a totally different approach
and I go well I know I'm going to suffer
I know the world's gonna kick me in the
face I know that I'm not going to be I
want to be the greatest at everything I
ever think of I know that just isn't
going to be true so I had to come to
peace with okay you're never going to be
as good at all the things that you want
to be good at and so now how do you play
the game and so for me I like to be
broad ER maybe than somebody who's gonna
like really be the goat at something but
I just want to enjoy my life I want to
enjoy the shout and the Echo and so for
me to to if I just wanted to enjoy the
echo I would go in the YouTube comments
I would figure out what they want me to
do and I would just do that if I want to
enjoy both the shout and the echo I find
this balance of here's a range of things
that I like because trust me here's how
many things I want to spend my life on
here's how many things I do spend my
life on here's what I would have to do
if I wanted to be the goat and I just
realized that for me
being that myopically focused on
something doesn't make me feel the way
that I want to feel and so I understand
that that means that I probably won't
achieve I know I won't achieve as much
if I were to broaden it but I only want
to broaden it so much so that I can
still achieve quite frankly on a massive
global scale
that will echo through human history the
truth is hitting your career goals is
not easy you have to be willing to go
the extra mile to stand out and do hard
things better than anybody else but
there are 10 steps I want to take you
through that will 100x your efficiency
so you can crush your goals and get back
more time into your day you'll not only
get control of your time you'll learn
how to use that momentum to take on your
next big goal to help you do this I've
created a list of the 10 most impactful
things that any High achiever needs to
dominate and you can download it for
free by clicking the link in today's
description alright my friend back to
today's episode don't you think you will
actually be the goat of your Niche by
focusing on multiple skills that
synergize rather than just focusing on
the one thing to be the best at it all
right so you have to hold two competing
ideas in your head so here's the truth
about what it's like to be inside my own
mind I imagine myself in a Dragon Ball Z
Super Saiyan moment with flames all
around me screaming
like morphing into something huge and
Unstoppable but at the same time I
understand that the reality is that this
is probably going to be a struggle and I
may never become the goat but I don't
accept that internally internally I'm
like okay maybe it doesn't happen
but what if you play all out like it is
going to happen what if you act like it
is an inevitability that if you keep
pushing as hard as you can moving
forward that you will eventually get
there but I know so well that if I judge
if I only reward myself for becoming the
goat then my life hinges on one final
moment and I know two things one it's
prop it is wiser not as probably it is
wiser to enjoy the climb than to reach
the summit and then two because I know
that I may never get there I don't want
to constantly have my thing in the
future because the future will always
let you down now the question is why
this goes back to Evolution the reason
the future always lets you down is
because we have hunger this is why we
equate the desire for food the desire
for sex the desire for Success we say
hungry I'm hungry for whatever because
that's what it feels like and hunger can
only be momentarily satiated it can't be
permanently because you would die right
so if all you had was the motivation to
go get one meal and eat the biggest meal
the biggest Feast that you possibly can
if that's all Evolution got you to do
and then you ate it you were full and
like I'm full forever you would die so
once you understand it's an evolutionary
context of there is a sub-program
running in your brain to make sure that
you're just going to keep going and
going and going so I'm very careful
about how I approach my life to make
sure that I acknowledge the truth of The
Human Condition which is that I'm having
a biological experience which is that I
will always have hunger no matter how
much I eat I mean I'll momentarily be
sated but it won't last and so I'm super
careful to enjoy the climb because I
know the struggle is guaranteed but the
success is not and I know better than to
make my whole life hinge on the future
because even when I get to the Future
even if I was the goat and I stand
towering above all the accomplishments
of Walt Disney I'll still be like yo
what's next it's an inevitability
do you think everybody's like that like
or do you think there's ever going to be
a time when you see like what you said
you're like hovering over all of your
accomplishments like every somebody
would be capable of being I'm I'm good
like that's it do you think that's a
youth thing or like do you think
everybody always wants more it is a
hundred percent that every single person
has Drive
hunger
it is also true that that's a spectrum
it's just a personality trait so we all
have it to some degree but the question
is how much now I'm probably pretty
close to pegged out where I'm willing to
suffer to the point where other people
worry about me because I'm I just push
myself and push myself and push myself
so not everybody's going to be like that
also I think there are people that have
a different value system than I have so
take a monk they like the idea of I want
to disengage from the world I realize
the toxic toxic nature of never-ending
Pursuit that there will never be a meal
so satisfying that I don't want to eat
again so why do I allow myself let me
transcend that
so for them they would train themselves
to let go of that to not give into it I
feed into it I have looked at both
options before me and one resonates with
me at a conceptual level because it's
not like oh I wouldn't became a monk for
30 years and I'm like oh rad now let me
go like really like pour myself into
building something and see which I
prefer but I flirted with them both
enough to know at least at the early
stage which one I find constantly
energizing and the one I find constantly
energizing is building and even when I
fail I'm still energized by it and I'm
very careful with my ego not to let it
get tied up in that but everybody's
going to make a different choice but I
think that people that don't face the
reality of what they want their life is
going to be very sad and so what I'm
always trying to do when I'm trying to
get people to understand go after it
want like want to be the best and really
go after it like I mean give it your
everything but don't value yourself on
whether you achieve it or not so the
thing that I value myself for the thing
that I reward and punish myself for is
did I show up and play to win not did I
win did I show up and play to win and
since I show up and play to win almost
every day not every day every now and
then I'm off my game but I I played a
win man and I'm tracking myself from the
moment I wake up to the moment I go to
bed and if I'm like yo you played to win
today and by the way I had a good time
doing it like I love that [ __ ] then I'm
good but as somebody who has succeeded
and failed many times I learned very
early to reward myself for the pursuit
and not for the accomplishment so you're
extremely self-aware and I feel like
that's something really hard to teach
but how would you go about helping
someone become more self-aware of what's
right for them dude I love this question
so the way to get more self-aware has
become an obsession for me because I'm
trying to become more self-aware in
myself so those moments where you break
through and you're like oh wow I didn't
even realize that that was a part of my
personality that was you know this is
water right it's so ubiquitous in my
life I don't even realize it as a a
choice or a way that I view the world it
was completely invisible to me and then
someone will say something and you
finally go whoa I Can See Me Now from
your perspective and I realize that is
what self-awareness is you can finally
see yourself the way other people see
you there is no more water there is only
the awareness that oh I'm constantly wet
so I've started thinking okay how is it
that I do that how do I and look I am
blind still and it horrifies me every
time I have an awareness I'm like oh my
God I got to this age and I never
realized that about myself a little
unnerving but I've become aware of so
many different things that it it comes
back to tying uh Revelation to a bodily
sensation so what I try to do is realize
what I am feeling at any one time and
then be honest about why I am feeling it
and being able to track that down and so
figuring out
there's this idea that Jordan Peterson
has of micro personalities and he says
that's the best way to understand
yourself so an alcoholic when they're
jonesing for a fix just in the in the
grips of
um the alcoholism they become a
different person so they have a whole
subset of their personality that's now
in control that might lie cheat lack
Integrity
um push other people down whatever to
get that alcohol like one thing you
learn if you're a lifeguard is they say
if you go to rescue a drowning person
odds are they're going to try to drown
you as well just because they're just
trying to get air man they stopped being
like the loving caring person because
when you want that like breath of air
that badly like you're just gonna do
whatever it takes to make it happen you
have to be aware that these micro
personalities take over and so when you
have a feeling odds are that represents
a micro personality that you've slipped
into and if you can recognize oh and I
feel this I bet I am a certain way now
to other people that that almost doesn't
feel like a spectrum of you it's like oh
here we go they're in their annoyed
phase they're uh pissed off and I know
how they are when they're like that
they're scared and they act this way
they're depressed and they act that way
right so for them it's like these
discreet versions of you these micro
personalities so what I began to realize
is oh when I feel this way I man it
Manifest this way I have a microcosm of
personality traits that cluster together
that are hyper predictable to people
outside of me but because the emotion
feels so Justified to me it's water I
don't even see it it seems like this is
the only way to react to this moment
there is no other way everybody in my
position would react exactly like this
so it isn't a micro personality it's
just how one should act and so it's not
like you're even thinking about that
you're just like stimulus response now
what I've trained myself to do is go I
feel something what do I feel whoa I I'm
agitated why am I agitated well they
obviously did something wrong no no what
do I know right because I have these
rules and so I walk down rule number one
if somebody's angry I guarantee an
insecurity has been triggered now
there's actually things that the edges
I'll leave that aside for now so I
recognize oh I'm agitated I know that
that means an insecurity's been
triggered what insecurity has been
triggered but it was training myself
through having these realizations of
like oh I get this flustered feeling and
now I want to argue for an idea that's
mine oh I'm feeling stupid okay so
that's what I do whenever I feel stupid
but it really was tracking back as I
would like replay the day like I don't
like the way that feels
and in fact that's where it started I
don't want to feel that way again how do
I avoid it to avoid it you have to
figure out what caused it as far as I
can tell that's other than getting
feedback from other people so empowering
people to tell you like hey why are you
acting like that it's not pleasant I
don't like the way you're talking to me
whatever or after the fact hey you came
across really harsh
um I I didn't respect the way you
handled that it's like oh whoa like it
was invisible to me I had no idea like
there was one uh time during a company
team meeting where I was like hey
everybody's got to step up now because I
love that kind of language I like yo we
got this we can do it but everybody's
got to rise up I was completely taken
aback that somebody gave me a DOT which
is feedback for people watching this uh
and they were like yo that was really
hard to hear and I was like huh and so
because for me I love that [ __ ] War
language like we got to do this we gotta
get better I'm not saying oh you're a
loser and you need to get better I'm
just like this is a human condition our
current skill set's already taken us as
far as it's going to go if we want to go
somewhere in the future that's farther
we have to get better but that gave me
the like oh wow I see how that part of
my personality comes across to other
people now I may still use that tool but
at least I won't be blind to it now I
have self-awareness literally aware of
self
from another person's perception and I
can act accordingly and then a last
question on this is uh
being able to see yourself from a
different perspective are the things
that either trigger you or whatever
caused by some sort of like some
experience in your childhood that par
like is a pattern that you exhibit
which causes these emotions in other
people I think it's inevitable that you
are shaped by everything that happens to
you in your life and you formulate
responses and you repeat those responses
they get hardwired in your brain and so
you act a very predictable way in a
given set of circumstances but I
personally can't track back oh this is
because of that thing that happened for
me there's precious few things like that
so it's more about the personality and
how your personality is just you but
then if you see it from a different
personality type it'll seem uh that's
how you'll understand what caused that
or how I end up taking in the
information about what I'm like to other
people
a little bit of both so the way that we
become who we are you're 50 hardwired
your personality and you're 50 malleable
your response to all the different
things that happen to you and your
ability to unwind some of that so there
are things about ourselves that we can
unwind and we can be different and
people like whoa like I will tell you in
my marriage Lisa and I are dramatically
different people than we were at the
beginning and we will point out to each
other hey that barb in your personality
I actually don't like that some have
been easier to change than others and so
it's like wow like there are some things
even though I'm aware of them I can
articulate it I can even say I've
slipped into that thing you hate I can't
stop myself from doing it yet so some of
those things prove very difficult to
unwind so for instance I constantly
slide back into optimism like no matter
where things are going like I'm just I
find myself like but we could ultimately
and then it's like this is like hey we
have to re-ground we've got to really
think about how this is going to happen
and so we'll butt heads over that we're
all slip back into the dream the big
vision and she just she can't be there
it's stressing her out she's like I need
to know how we're going to pull this off
and so not doing that is very hard now
you can get better you can train
yourself okay so that's part one nature
and nurture they Collide I think it was
Lisa Feldman Barrett that said we have a
nature that requires nurture so they are
so intertwined it's almost pointless to
try to tease out like what half is what
just there's a process to run for change
that is outside the scope of this answer
every time that you get to something you
want to change run the process if you do
that diligently for three years and
you're still having a hard time making a
change odds are you've hit close to
bedrock of the 50 that's unchangeable
okay so the other part how do I Peg my
sense of self-awareness
this really comes down to there's only
so many personality types right so let's
ballpark it let's say there's 50-ish
types of people that you're gonna meet
of course you can boil it down to like
the five types whatever but it feels
more nuanced in reality it's not like
everybody meet you like oh you're this
you're that you're that there's only
five like people definitely feel like
Shades and blends of those big five
traits so let's just call it five sort
of big 50 big buckets that you're gonna
encounter different people it's like
okay I'm beginning to understand how
when I act that way how that kind of
person sees me that's really useful now
as you begin to collect that data you're
going to drive yourself crazy constantly
trying to be the way that that person is
going to be able to respond to you so
there are things that I will take in and
go okay that's really useful you can
never know too much about how you come
across but there's also I need to live
my life on how I feel as well so if I'm
gonna go into battle even though my
battles are always business if I'm gonna
go into battle I'm going to call it
battle because that resonates with me
now if that doesn't resonate with other
people in some circumstances I'm going
to make sure that I speak in a way that
is understood by more people and other
times I'm going to be like I need to
feel a certain way to perform the way
that I want to perform and I'm going to
go in with all of my language and all of
that the key is to just be aware of it
so that you grab a tool when it's useful
so for instance I try never to be out of
control of my anger I won't say that it
doesn't happen but damn is it rare So I
was recently on a call with lawyers and
I realized anger is the only thing
that's going to move this forward and so
I had to display very controlled trust
me I wasn't a raging lunatic but I had
to display a very controlled anger to
let them know hey this is what we're
doing was bringing more the the opposing
sides together and so I had to make sure
that the intensity of a given point was
communicated through emotion so I need
to know ah cool
this feeling that I'm getting of being
really annoyed really frustrated and
wanting to punch through my computer
it's like okay some insecurity's been
triggered one is what insecurity that
I'm not going to be able to achieve what
do I want what I want to achieve in the
business that's going to stop me from
achieving my goals if I don't achieve my
goals as much as I know better than to
build my self-esteem around the
accomplishment I'm still highly invested
in the accomplishment so cool I know why
I'm feeling it am I going to display it
that becomes the question is it useful
in this moment so for instance I was in
a near rage that entire call lasted two
and a half hours but how many minutes of
that call would anybody on the call know
that I was that annoyed seven so it's
like you have to have the awareness to
turn it into a tool and then you have to
have the control of your emotions to
wield the tool appropriately so in my
life I think one of the biggest thing
that's stopping me
um is the this distraction and I know
you talked about distraction how like
doing the easy things first or doing the
thing that side just more comfortable
first so it feels like you don't have
don't get distracted you're like a level
100 at like squashing distraction what
would your recommendation be for someone
maybe level one where it's like I have
this big goal and then there's but then
there's like scrolling on social or
doing the easy task first like what is
that like that's huge Chasm there so how
do you walk people through um that Chasm
or to get to that level 100 uh of your
life so I'm I'm unfortunately I'm only a
level 80 Mage when it comes to
distraction so I do still suffer uh from
some of that just like anybody else but
I have so I think rules values and
desire are wildly underutilized so I
have rules in my life at certain times
I'm doing certain things and since I
block my time so religiously
I have very bright lines when you have
bright lines you know whether you're
doing the thing you're supposed to or
not right so if I pick up my phone and I
start scrolling and the funny thing is I
have there's a certain
um set of circumstances that when
they're met I will blindly reach for my
phone pull it out and start scrolling
and I'll catch myself like reaching for
my phone I'm like what are you doing but
it's this certain kind of anxiety where
I've encountered a tough problem I need
to think through it I don't have the
answer that I can move on but I'm not
quite sure what hook to latch into to
begin thinking through the thing and so
there's some release that I get from the
distraction of soothing my mind and so
when I realize that I do that and that
there's a predictable set of triggers I
was like whoa distraction is actually
really powerful so as teaching in Impact
Theory University and I forget the
question that was asked but I was like
sometimes you just need to Doom scroll
cats and because you you will reach a
point where your brain is like really
tied up in a knot about something and
you have to let it go you have to
release and sometimes you just need the
input of something this is why Tick Tock
is so powerful it's like all about
retention that retention is really
distraction and so it's probably worth
I've never done this before but it's
probably worth defining what distraction
really is from an evolutionary
standpoint it is total acquisition of
your attention because you want your
attention to be on something else you
don't realize that the distraction is
hey something just moved in the bushes
and so your brain needs a mechanism by
which it goes you should be paying
attention to that thing now your brain
is very good at utilizing mechanisms for
multiple things and so like testosterone
can actually make you hyper violent or
hyper uh loving it's super weird it all
depends on the context they've done
crazy studies on this where I was like
there's no way that's going to be
correlated to testosterone and it is so
it's literally one way and then the
exact opposite super bizarre so the same
thing I'm guessing I've not looked at
any studies on this but I'm guessing the
same mechanism is happening with
distraction so it is both the yo you
need to pay entire attention to this and
you're so gripped on one thing you need
to use that ability of the brain to yank
your focus over to something else to
shift gears because imagine from an
evolutionary perspective if you got
stuck on one thought like think about in
your relationships do they love me do
they not love me imagine you could never
shift out of that thought you get eaten
right so there's a part of your brain
called the basal ganglia it's known as
the gearbox of the brain so when people
get obsessive like obsessive-compulsive
disorder they can't shift out they've
got this thought it's intrusive and it
just won't go away so my guess is that
distraction is actually the brain's way
of Shifting your gears so when you are
distracted it's actually your brain
grabbing your entire attention and
saying look at this and that's what Tick
Tock has mastered and that's why it's so
short because it's going to give you
these quick things that say pay
attention to this all of the
evolutionary cues make you want to look
at that thing and then to the next look
at that thing then to the next look at
that thing and so because a I know that
that's happening I'm able to deal with
it with the rules the values right so I
know the rules I've got bright lines I
know the values so I want to be the kind
of person that's staying on on task
that's bringing myself back to it and
then I'm going to practice so that I'm
getting better and better and better all
the time which would be my advice for
somebody who's level one that's trying
to get to level two three four I
meditate every day and so every day I'm
I do this thing called Just Breathe
meditation or that I call just breathe I
don't know if everybody calls it that or
not but I call Just Breathe meditation
I'm just trying to come back to the
breath and it's my way of elongating the
period of time where I'm actually
focused on the breath now it's actually
not very long I would guess 15 maybe 20
seconds on a good time and then my mind
starts to wander and then I just remind
oh yeah back to the breath back to the
breath and so you get very good at oh
I'm reaching my from my phone back to
the task back to the task and because
I'm practicing it every day and then I
have the rules to know if I've gotten
off task I have the value system that
makes me want to stay on task and then
I'm practicing it to make sure that I'm
actually getting better at being on task
all of those things become very useful
in terms of like getting me back and
then I'm time blocking so I know exactly
what I should be doing at what point
what is up my friend Tom bilyu here and
I have a big question to ask you how
would you rate your level of personal
discipline on a scale of one to ten if
your answer is anything less than a 10.
I've got something cool for you and let
me tell you right now discipline by its
very nature means compelling yourself to
do difficult things that are stressful
boring which is what kills most people
or possibly scary or even painful now
here is the thing achieving huge goals
and stretching to reach a potential
requires you to do those challenging
stressful things and to stick with them
even when it gets boring and it will get
boring building your levels of personal
discipline is not easy but let me tell
you it pays off in fact I will tell you
you're never going to achieve anything
meaningful unless you develop discipline
right I've just released a class from
Impact Theory university called how to
build Ironclad discipline that teaches
you the process of building yourself up
in this area so that you can push
yourself to do the hard things that
greatness is going to require of you
right click the link on the screen
register for this class right now and
let's get to work I will see see you
inside this Workshop from Impact Theory
University and tell them my friends be
legendary peace out
I think you said don't confuse your your
feeling with truth though just because
I'm feeling distracted like doesn't mean
that it has to be true or like I need to
like follow that impulse right that's
really true so if I'm right and a lot of
distraction is
I'm feeling a level of anxiety and my
brain goes don't worry bro I got you
cats bro cats like hit that Tick Tock if
that is my brain technically trying to
look out for me
when I have that
level for me it's a type of anxiety it's
a little flutter of anxiety that will
make me crave a distraction so that I
don't feel that anxiety so I move on to
the thing that's going to capture my
attention so completely that I forget
that I was anxious I realize oh wait I
can just face that anxiety I don't have
to run from it and that's where it gets
the value system oh I need to be able to
sit in the anxiety and this is something
this is something I find fascinating
about the difference between men and
women when I heard this I was like yo
anything that you're judging whether
it's true or not ask yourself does it
give you does it improve your ability to
predict the outcome of your actions and
behaviors and other people's actions and
behaviors if it does odds are that it's
true so when I heard that
uh estrogen makes it possible to sit in
negative emotion doesn't mean that the
emotions aren't more distressing it just
means you're not distressed about how
distressing the emotions are I was like
oh my God I can finally understand why
women are like I just want you to listen
and I'm like I don't want to just sit
here and listen I want to solve this
problem I do not like the way this makes
me feel and so I was like oh my God
because honestly when my wife is really
upset about something she seems crazy to
me I'm like what do you you just want me
to listen this is so uncomfortable how
are you not crawling I'm crawling out of
my skin for you so how are you not
crawling out of your skin so it was so
unnerving my whole life I was like okay
I don't have to run from this I can just
sit in it but I'm like what is happening
why does she want to sit in this so
anyway fascinating insight about men and
women but you really do once I realized
that like oh I could just get better at
sitting in this emotion I don't have to
run from this emotion then you begin to
get stronger you become more capable of
facing things than if you have a value
system that says hey Tom don't be weak
you're that feeling of like you want to
run and hide stop man up face it sit in
it do not allow yourself and then when I
do it I'm like bro this is why you are
you this is why you've accomplished what
you've accomplished because in this
moment everybody else runs in this
moment everybody else breaks in this
moment everybody else becomes so
insecure that they go chase distraction
but you don't you sit here like even
when I go to the dentist and it hurts I
open my mouth why lighter and I'm like
get in there I don't Flinch I don't try
to pull back I'm like yeah baby like get
that drill in there like go on scrape it
get down to the bone even though it
hurts and my every impulse is to pull
away if I'm dealing with something and
it makes me anxious I won't blade
blading is where you turn sideways or
something when somebody does that to you
they're either intimidated by you
they're stressed whatever I will face
that thing head on literally and
figuratively if something is terrifying
me I'm like I'm in this I'm not running
from this I'm dealing with this when
I've got a hard thing that I don't want
to do which is almost always contracts
I'm like here we go we're going to do
these contracts I'm going to do this
contract at three in the morning when
everybody else they wake up and actually
they're sleeping who are we kidding
they're still asleep I'm up I'm looking
at a contract and I am emotionally
rewarding myself to the ends of the
Earth for doing that that's so cool like
so fascinating because like I said the
ironic thing is I'm only distracted when
I'm trying to accomplish something
meaningful and hard hard but it's like
challenging I'm never distracted when
I'm doing something easy and and fun
that's why I think I'm right about the
what distraction really is it's your
brain trying to soothe you it's grabbing
a hold of all your attention and saying
ah don't worry about that put all your
attention on this thing here and now you
can feel better and I'll be honest there
are times where I have been so stressed
that the only thing that's going to
allow me to decompress is Doom scrolling
and it's awesome like I am grateful that
Doom scrolling exists because I don't do
things that aren't on my agenda but
sometimes my agenda is I need to allow
myself to relax because there are times
where even meditation is like bro I I
will get more out of this 20 minutes of
meditation if I take five minutes to
Doom scroll to like forget what to shift
gears right so I'm obsessively thinking
about this thing Doom Scrolls some cats
for five minutes ooh cool now I've been
distracted acted away from that thought
now I can sink into a meditation now
that level of stress doesn't happen
often but when it does I know what tool
to reach for but this goes back to
self-awareness you have to distrust
yourself constantly be asking I should
not have this reaction right I shouldn't
allow myself to be overwhelmed you know
me I don't do overwhelm but I don't do
overwhelm because I have pattern
interrupts Doom scrolling cats I limit
it to a small amount of time I follow it
with meditation and then I've got the
value system of being hardcore facing my
challenges so on and so forth but it
really takes that Gestalt and this is
the part about helping people that I
find really frustrating
it's all of those things it is this
incredibly complicated nest of
rules time blocking value system
rewarding yourself punishing yourself
on and on and on is there a way to make
those distractions like knowing like I'm
aware of them I'm aware that I'm easily
distracted is there a way to make it a
healthy distraction to make it use for
your benefit and time block it so if you
want to take something
light distraction and make it healthy
you need to have parameters so you're
going to time block you're going to have
it be a known tool so you're not going
to like I catch myself doing sometimes
blindly reach for your phone if you find
yourself picking up your phone you've
got to be like why am I doing this does
this fit into my rules did I say hey I'm
now going to look at cats for 5 minutes
10 minutes an hour whatever but like
that is the amount of time that I'm
going to do that I'm going to confine it
to that and then it's like hey if you
want to spend 10 hours a day looking at
cats I'm not judging like if if your
life is rad and you're stoked spending
10 hours a day looking at Cash just
don't trick yourself into thinking oh I
want to go you know build a huge charity
and help millions of people and doom
scroll cats for 10 hours like those two
things are mutually incompatible so it's
only the unintentional use of that the
unrestrained use of that so once it
becomes intentional
you're using it as a tool for a specific
reason that you can articulate to
yourself and it's time blocked
you're good so for those people who do
maybe they aren't aware or they
understand but have so much dopamine and
just like habitual of just going to tick
tock Instagram Twitter just scrolling
for days uh to pass the time to do
whatever how do you go about how like
changing that behavior if you're already
so entrenched in it I come down to one
thing George like you're young so I
really want you to hear me your life is
a confusing mess right now and that will
manifest as negative emotion it's all
going to pass
I've glimpsed your future it all works
out it's amazing your life becomes
wonderful because as you get older
you're going to gain control of your
emotions as you gain control of your
emotions you're going to gain control of
your time as you gain control of your
time you're going to acquire skills as
you acquire skills you're going to be
able to do things that other people
can't do like that really is the loop
and so as people get older the reason
that they tend to be happier and more
self-assured is they realize the rules
of the game that you can just really get
better at this stuff and you can get
good and so I want people to hear that
but my thing is like dude you've really
got to be obsessed with what you want to
accomplish and so if I could get you to
understand bro all your dreams that
maybe the scale will be off maybe you
want to be the greatest and you become
you know 1142 but out of 7.4 billion
that's really pretty cool and so that's
going to be the ride of your life but
you have to get obsessed and the only
reason that obsession is fun is because
you actually know you're going to make
progress It's when you're obsessed and
things aren't going well and you don't
realize it's just a matter of time and
so like right now dude I I am really
emotionally worried for people that
don't understand the economy is going to
turn back around Wars end like they're
devastating I don't wished on anybody
but this too shall pass it's like the
great Buddhist phrase of all time this
too shall pass if you knew that yeah the
next three years are going to suck but
after that it's going to be dope man and
there's going to be a stretch of seven
years that are nothing but awesomeness
but then you're going to go through an
18-month period you're you know one of
your loved ones is going to pass away
and that's going to be brutal but then
you're going to have a stretch of six
years it's gonna be awesome then you're
going to have four years of just total
suck but through it all you're going to
be getting better and better at managing
your emotions so through it all you know
all is going to be well that's the joy
man and so the thing I'm always trying
to get people to understand you'll never
get what you want out of life you're
never going to accomplish the things
that you want unless you are obsessed
obsession will hurt and it will be
unhealthy unless you realize that you
can get better and if you value yourself
for already being good right better
faster stronger life will be a misery no
matter what and so far better to focus
on did I leave it all out on the field
today right so value yourself for how
hard you went after something not for
what you accomplished and then let
yourself get obsessed with something
because you'll get better over time and
then with that Obsession what if it's an
obsession with something that's not
productive or unhealthy like video games
for example who said that's not
productive and who said it's unhealthy
so there's only that which moves me
towards my goals and that which moves me
away from my goals now I'll make one
caveat your goals should be honorable
I'll Define honorable an honorable goal
is something that uplifts you and other
people that's about as simple as I can
make it so if you have a goal that
uplifts you and other people then why
not go just absolutely Bonkers to make
it come true if you want to be a
professional gamer then that's going to
be playing a lot of video games and I
actually I never would believe this is
true but I enjoy watching other people
play video games it's fun and so if
that's the way that you want to
contribute that for people that want to
watch you play they can amazing so now
it's uplifting you and other people
you'll be able to get into the passion
Loop so that you're both the shout and
the echo the shout being you playing the
echo being people enjoying watching you
play or maybe you're like playing video
games so you can help build video games
right so there's many ways that you can
do something like that so I just want
people to have an honorable goal and
then ask themselves of everything you do
did this movie towards your goal yes or
no if yes keep doing it if no stop doing
it and that's it and that literally is
the easiest way to steer but people let
things complicate that because their
parents tell them that they should be
doing something that maybe they do or
don't want to do they think that they
should be making a ton of money and the
thing that they love doesn't make them a
lot of money they want to be the best
and they trick themselves into thinking
this is only fun if I'm the greatest of
all time I will tell you right now I
play the video game Destiny too and I
would laugh I'm sure if I saw the people
that are spanking me I mean just
embarrassing me but I still love it and
so I try to remind myself that it's
about getting better when I play because
I love to improve and it's just
video games are designed to squeeze the
brain centers that Evolution has given
you for progression and goal acquisition
and all that stuff so it is a very fun
microcosm so finding people to be very
careful casting aspersions moral
judgments on any goal that is uplifting
you and other people do you think that
there is a way to incorporate your
passion which could be video games into
purpose and also providing service and
have that work for you or do you think
you have to sacrifice one or like you
know focus on on a certain thing first
like does is there a perfect world where
all three can exist I think all three
can exist but greatness makes demands so
hiding in that meaning and purpose will
all but break you because the world is
constantly moving towards entropy so
from the moment of the Big Bang
everything is moving towards chaos now
when you introduce humans Jesus you
magnify the amount of chaos uh ten
thousand fold I mean it's just
absolutely insane we ourselves are
complicated bumping into all people that
are complicated as well and so to
achieve something great
you are really going to fail a lot you
are going to run into more obstacles
than you can count but the problem is
that fulfillment requires that you work
hard partly because that for humans to
become the most dominant predator of the
world has ever seen we'd be very good at
ordering the world to order the world
you have to pour a tremendous amount of
energy to stop the chaos and move it
towards order because that's the other
part of that equation to bring order to
a system you must pour energy into it
literal energy and so that's the battle
that all of us are are fighting against
and so if we know that meaning and
purpose is the only thing that will ever
serve you long term that is how you get
to fulfillment and to do meaning and
purpose we know it's going to be
brutally difficult then the very thing
that makes life worth living is going to
be very hard it will bring you to your
knees I I have literally been brought to
my knees but as you get back up which I
encourage everyone to do because we're
all going to get brought to our knees
but not everybody's going to get back up
so if you get brought to your knees
don't worry about that doesn't make you
a loser but it does mean that you're on
your knees and it does mean you owe
yourself getting back up now when you
get back up that's going to make you
feel some kind of way about yourself
you'd be like yo that didn't break me
that's incredible so having meaning and
purpose means by definition you are
going to be brought to your knees at
some point you are going to fail to have
the impact you want to have in the world
and if you're ever going to have that
and feel the way you want to feel you
have to get back up and keep going
we've been talking a lot about like
ambition and driving getting your goals
I know another big part of your life is
your relationship so how does your
relationship fit into your good life
with your ambition and um yeah how does
that all cocktail work in your life the
good life how to live it step one you're
having a biological experience what does
that mean you are an animal that's been
shaped by Evolution the more you
understand the organ of the brain
really the whole body the microbes in it
all of it the more you understand that
biological system the more you're going
to be able to predict the outcome of
your thoughts and actions and so if
you're trying to have a good life one
you're going to want to Define it which
I will say the good life is fulfillment
it's the only emotional state that is
resilient to everything from anger loss
and grief through all of that you can be
fulfilled you may be devastated and when
you love a lose a loved one it's
devastating it sucks there's nothing fun
about it that doesn't mean that I'm not
fulfilled as a human it just means that
I'm a fulfilled human going through
something brutal conversely if I'm
momentarily happy but nothing is going
right in my life I'm not contributing in
any meaningful way I can laugh for five
minutes and still be depressed so
fulfillment I would say is the only
thing that's resilient you're not going
to be depressed and fulfilled at the
same time like it's just not now that we
have a definition for what the good life
is now we can actually begin moving
towards it now the reason I say that
step one is recognizing that you're
having a biological experience is I
understand the things that are going to
lead to fulfillment one of them is
working really hard another one is
following or developing a passion that
lets you contribute that's number three
to the group and to yourself so if those
are the rough ingredients that make up
this cocktail of fulfillment we have to
figure out this idea of contributing to
the group what's that all about that's
about being a social animal now what's
the ultimate iteration of being a social
animal it is love now why is love
so potent because Nature has one aim and
one aim only the reason you are a social
animal is because of this one reason the
reason that you have drive and ambition
is because of this one reason Nature's
only goal this is it this is the
punchline of everything every your
motivation for sitting here right now my
motivation for answering these questions
the reason that we put these cameras
together built this Channel all of it is
for one thing because nature wants to
make sure that you have kids that have
kids that's it and now everything in
your brain is nature pulling levers to
make sure that you live long enough to
have kids to have kids and that you
actually have kids so love which I will
say is a neurochemical state is Nature's
Way of going yo I want to make sure you
do this thing so it's this incredible
cocktail of I mean obviously the there's
different kinds of love I will assume
you mean romantic love since you
reference my relationship so romantic
love is like the thing it is the thing
that when you think about how people
want to feel in fact when they have
people describe how they want to feel
and they look at that neurochemistry you
know what it most closely matches even
though this isn't the word that people
put to it do you have a guess like it
looks like you're on drugs or something
it's an orgasm
and so it makes sense that if Nature's
jobs make sure that you stay alive long
enough to have kids that have kids that
the neurochemical cocktail of an orgasm
be pretty high on people's list so as
people are describing it they're like oh
yeah that's the neurochemicals you state
you feel right after an orgasm so
technically it isn't the orgasm itself
but it's that cocktail afterwards all
the bonding hormones are secreted after
that you can actually predict I don't
know with what degree of accuracy but
I'm going to guess it is extraordinarily
high that you can predict who will stay
married by the number of receptors that
they have for I think it's vasopressin
which is one of the bonding hormones so
there's oxytocin and vasopressin are the
two biggest the ones where you're it's
like the cuddle hormones so that's the
kind of feeling over time that you want
to have for somebody why because then
you're more likely to have kids and then
you're likely to raise them long enough
that they have kids because it's not
just having kids it's having kids that
have kids so you have to keep them alive
and all of the crazy things that nature
does to do that are incredible but
nature only has two levers Pleasure and
Pain and one of those tremendous
Pleasures that nature will give you that
is extraordinarily resilient to
suffering and loss and sadness and all
that is that really deep love not the
early Lusty stuff that's super fun but
like that really deep I have shared a
life I don't know who I am without this
person love that you can have with
another person if you're leveraging all
of that neurochemical cocktail of
soaking in the bonding so that over time
that sense of love is like nothing can
touch it nothing can give me that right
I've made
a lot of money in a single day right
nine figures in a single day I'll let
people go put in a calculator nine
figures to see just how much that is in
a single day okay
it's a dope feeling but it's not love
love trumps everything I've ever been
through in my life when it's sustained
and so I put a lot of energy into it a
lot of energy because it gives me back
more than anything else in my life
so you mentioned how nature is
programmed you to have kids who have
kids and you made a personal decision
not to do that uh
why did you opt out of what nature wants
why I opted out of it we'll get to in a
second but the fact that we can all opt
out is fun because I'm like huh I got
you [ __ ] it's like nature thought she
had me but I'm you know I'm not I'm not
playing that game uh so here's the thing
I really want kids to this day I really
want kids there are Still Moments where
I'll see that thing that's like whoo man
it triggers all of my desire to have
kids and I'm like man I am very sad that
I can't both have the life that I'm
living and have the life where I have
kids but I looked at
my life from several different Vantage
points what my wife calls the average
Wednesday so what would an average
Wednesday look like if I had kids and I
Know Myself and I feel a tremendous
amount of obligation in fact part of the
reason that I work as hard as I do at
impact Theory
is I feel an obligation to you guys I
feel an obligation to the team and I
really I take that seriously in ways
that I think most people would be
distressed by and so for me it's like
okay I really need to think about that
if I had kids I would feel a huge
obligation to them to come home and so
one thing that I like about work is that
I don't feel conflicted Lisa and I are
building it together so as I put energy
into this I'm putting energy into
something that I'm doing with my wife so
that doesn't feel like it's fragmented
energy it feels like it's coming
together that was obviously on purpose
I'm building a company that brings many
of my passions not all of them but many
of my passions together so even as I
pursue things that I would do no matter
what I'm also building the business and
I do that because I know I'm gonna feel
that sense of obligation so let me make
sure that I'm doing things that I love
to satisfy the obligation if I had kids
now when I'm at work I would feel like I
should be with my kids when I'm in with
my kids I should feel like I I would
feel like I should be at work I just
know that about myself so I want to be
really honest and then you don't miss
what you don't have so it's not like I
had a seven-year-old and they died just
never had kids right so kids are a
thought so I can think and I'll have
those moments sometimes really intense
like oh dude like you see that moment
like have you guys seen that Tick Tock
Trend where it's like they record they
do like the little there's a song and
they like propose to their daughter and
they have the daughter recording she
doesn't realize she's recording herself
and she's like looking at them with like
oh enjoy I'm like oh God like that hits
me right in the fields and I'm like oh
man I want to have a daughter or like
that Jordan Peterson wanted to know that
one where they have like kids will not
always be kids they'll grow up and they
haven't seen it and it's just like
people videoing their kids going up from
like a kid to like five years old even
hearing about that kicks me in the
fields yeah yeah
like Lisa says yes oh yeah yeah my
suddenly I have a uterus as well yeah
exactly yeah it that kind of thing like
they really really hit me so but anyway
I can set that aside because I'm like my
marriage is amazing I fully understand
Nature's trick which is when you have a
kid the child will be your number one
priority and right now Lisa is my number
one priority I don't know that this is a
stat but I'd be willing to bet that
relationships are more likely to break
up or be dysfunctional that's a better
way to say it relationships are more
likely to be dysfunctional if you have
kids so even people that stay together I
think it's a higher likelihood that that
stop being a very
um thriving emotional and sexual
relationship if you have kids so I'm
super thoughtful about that and then
again average Wednesday don't really
like I hate like doing things that kids
want to do and stuff like that I have so
little time it's like I want to do the
things I want to do uh and then when I
look back on my life and walk through
all the different moments because all of
our lives are broken into phases I look
look at the different phases it's not
until I'm in my 60s that I start to go
oh I think that having kids will like be
pretty important to me and by the time
I'm 80 I will regret it there's no doubt
about that but because I've thought
through it I'll know how to deal with
that frame of reference when I get there
so that I don't get destroyed by it
because it's when people are caught off
guard by a frame of reference and for
explaining a frame of reference is
beyond the scope of this conversation
but when you get to that frame of
reference you see life through that and
when you get caught off guard like by
having a kid and you didn't think
through that well or not having kids and
you didn't think through that well uh at
last check the most unhappy people in
America are mid 30s female lawyers
because they've chosen career over
children and they are now at that moment
where it's like whoa is this really what
I want for my life now maybe other
occupations they love it and it's not a
problem but for whatever reason 35 year
old women
uh attorneys
it's emotional implosion time so that's
somebody who did not think through what
are the different phases of my life like
it's dope in my early 20s where I'm like
yo I'm proving I could do anything I set
my mind to I'm grinding I'm making a ton
of money this is rad and then you
realize oh wait a second maybe there are
other things that I didn't think through
but if you think through that and you're
like oh in my mid-30s I may want kids
but you know what I'd actually rather
play my career out now at least you're
not taken by surprise so you can plan
around okay I better have a career that
gives me those things thinking through
that I think is very important I know
when I get to 80 that I will be very
grateful that I thought through how my
frame of reference will change and so I
will make plans to be able to Mentor
people to have in fact I'm starting to
do that now
even just in the way that I shift my own
thinking thinking about myself more is
like a father trying to like hey I've
suffered in my life I want other people
to learn easily what I have learned
through great suffering which is of
course what one of the things that makes
being a parent cool it's like hey I can
help you hopefully make your life a
little bit better and so that part of
being a parent I can express in a lesser
way I'm very well aware of that through
the people in the company through the
people that watch the content so being
aware of the how the frames of reference
shift is important but anyway that's how
I have
the way I've thought about pulling a
fast one on mother nature to the extent
that you can but it's a trade-off and
then the last question I had was what
are like three behaviors that you do to
reinforce your love for Lisa that other
people can put into their relationships
okay so this is huge one don't criticize
compliment so when I was young and you
get together and you're in that
relationship and everything is great but
then you start living together and like
that super drug like early day starts to
wear off and all of a sudden it's all
the things that they do that drive you
crazy
and you're like hey could you not do
that you know when you do that it really
bugs me hey oh God stop why are you
doing it like that and I was like wow
when she does it to me that drives me
crazy so I was like you know what every
time I have an Impulse to criticize her
instead I'm gonna reach for a real
compliment I'm never gonna lie I'm not
gonna be us but I'm going to reach for a
real compliment what that does is it
pattern interrupts in my own brain so
I'm not reinforcing the negative thing
because it really is negative like the
person really is doing something that
drives you crazy and it probably really
is a dumb thing that if you could wave a
wand to make go away you would and so
it's not even like I'm saying that
annoying thing isn't actually annoying
it is but if I obsess over it all I'm
gonna see is the Annoying Thing whereas
that positive thing is also real so I
want to make sure I'm spending my time
thinking about the positive thing so
don't criticize compliment always make
it real
but spend your time in the compliment
have a lot of sex
just real like even now in my 40s it is
so funny in my late 40s I can think back
to what I was like in my early 20s my
poor wife and like going through that
and thinking oh it's going to be like
this forever it's not like as your
hormones change and I know that I'm only
one testosterone injection from being
right back there but it feels more
manageable whereas before I felt like a
drug addict who couldn't focus it's like
now I feel like hey I have a healthy
relationship with this drug uh if I'm a
recreational user now instead of an
addict which is way better and so being
in that space though I've realized it's
still critically important it is a thing
that is unlike anything else in your
life it's the only person that you have
that relationship with if you're
monogamous and that's not an over vote
for monogamy but monogamy has a really
potent upside
and so being in a monogamous
relationship and knowing that that's my
one outlet for that it you realize that
sex is this fascinating thing that is a
mode that we all go into and Going Back
To Nature wants to make sure that you
have kids that have kids it's like
nature made sure that that was an
awesome thing that is unlike anything
else and so I'm legitimately freaked out
by how much less sex young people are
having now because they're missing out
on something incredibly potent now I'm
only vouching for sex with connection I
won't say that it has to be uh a
marriage because I've had my share of
non-marital sex and it was awesome and
I'm not denigrating that at all but I've
always found that it's way more
enjoyable if it's somebody that you have
a real connection with so but thinking
about it like that it is this mode that
you don't get anywhere else if you have
a spouse and you have what they call Bed
Death that relationship is going to
become dry and brittle that's metaphoric
obviously but that you'll get you'll get
the right idea in your head whereas if
you maintain a sexual relationship
you're constantly Crossing this weird
boundary into like this this completely
unique space that you only have with
that person and nature is squeezing this
neurochemistry that constantly bonds you
brings you back together so that's
hugely important I cannot stress that
enough and then number three you have to
be a high level Communicator you've got
to invest in saying things that you
don't want to say and I think one of the
biggest breakthroughs in my marriage was
when I finally realized that I had to
say out loud anytime insecurity was
driving me because then my wife could
help me and as long as she never
weaponized the insecurity against me now
it's not my wife's problem to solve now
hopefully she can help me overcome that
that would be amazing but it's not she
doesn't need to solve that problem it's
my problem to solve but she can't
weaponize my insecurities against me and
by me articulating them now we know
what's actually going on so we're not
arguing about a surface level thing we
get to the real issue that's driving it
we can both process through that
together and so now you have stupid
fights that last forever you're getting
to the root cause of the issue I mean
this is exactly like in medicine don't
treat the symptom find the underlying
cause but when you are arguing you have
friction in your marriage you have to
figure out the underlying cause and I
promise you it's either a collision of
values so you just you both understand
each other you just disagree that that's
how the world should be it's misaligned
base assumptions so you are viewing the
world in a way that you don't even
realize you're doing it so people don't
realize what their base assumption is
it's just it's what they call an axiom
you just live by it like oh I assume
that that emotion is very distressful
for you so why wouldn't you want to
solve the problem you assume that I know
that it's not uncomfortable to sit in a
negative emotion those are base
assumptions but in reality my base
assumption is you're in so much pain
right now from this emotion the only
thing that makes sense is for us solve
that problem and your base assumption is
dude how can I solve a problem if I
haven't had a chance to sit in it yet
but if we don't say that I'm trying to
solve the problem you're like [ __ ]
just listen right and so when two smart
people are colliding they need to check
their base assumptions first like what's
your base assumption that I need to sit
with this emotion before I can problem
solve I need to problem solve to to even
think straight
cool now we can begin to understand each
other so it's either values it's
misaligned base assumptions or you've
got an insecurity that's driving you and
you either aren't aware of it or you're
not being honest about it and so if you
get that stack right then all of a
sudden communication becomes very easy
but man you've got to be emotionally
naked and that is very very difficult
but it is hyper rewarding if you have a
partner that doesn't use it against you
so everybody sees how strong you know
your relationship is with Lisa how
amazing it is how deep but then also
people see how amazing your the career
side of it is like your business impact
theory is growing it's thriving and I
just want to know how you balance that
to keep both of them leveled up so
evenly to keep them both growing and
what your advice would be to people who
don't know how to balance their
relationship and their business or their
work so if you want to balance things
you have to know thyself so just a few
days ago I sent Lisa a text that hurt
her feelings and I didn't mean it to I
said hey would you mind if we did this
business thing on a day that was special
for her and I and I even said you're
probably gonna hate this idea but
because remember I feel a tremendous
obligation to to work for you guys and
to make sure that the company thrives
and all that so I'm always thinking like
hey this would be really good for the
team now Lisa's role stay dated role
it's not like she would be confused if
she heard me say that she'd be like yeah
it's my role her stated role is to be
the early warning system because I don't
see the problem coming in the
relationship as quickly as she does so
we refer to it as being disconnected
where I work so much that we start to
feel disconnected so thank you for
saying that people see my relationship
as thriving and I would say that it is
but it's because we have these bumpers
and I'll bump up against it as I did
just a few days ago and I sent that
thing and said hey let's do this
business I know this is that really
special day for us but let's do this
because I think it'd be good for the
team and she said hey that hurts my
feelings that you would even ask because
it makes me feel not heard and not
understood because 2022 was the hardest
year of my business life and for eight
months she let me work 120 hours a week
that's not even getting a full night's
sleep that's working around the clock
seven days a week I mean it's it's
pandemonium and I do not recommend it
I'm not proud of myself for doing it was
actually a result of mistakes do I think
I'm a badass for doing it yes but do I
think it was a problem of my own making
very much so so my wife was very
understanding through that now I
promised her that I would find my way
back to her which I did and so but now
she's very gun shy of like hey I gave
you Grace and latitude for eight months
and now you want to do a work thing on
our special day that makes me feel very
unheard now if either thing happens
poorly in that moment we have a problem
but Lisa and I do that movement well she
speaks up and says hey it bothered me
that you even asked and I'm like oh damn
like I don't like that it bothers you
that I ask because your role is to play
that person where I can say hey let's do
this and you say early warning don't do
that so she had to be graceful in that
moment and say cool I'm not going to
double down I'm not going to be angry
let's not do that as the early warning
system I'm telling you we can't do it
and then if in that moment I'm like yo
what the [ __ ] like come on this will be
better for the business I thought we
were in this together then she's going
to feel abandoned in the marriage so I'm
like hey your stated role is to be the
one to say nope that will lead to us
feeling disconnected and so when you say
it even though I have an Impulse to go
in the opposite direction and I'm not
feeling disconnected and that feels like
a really small thing to me that's your
role word so I'm going to immediately
back off totally I'm actually sorry that
I asked because I didn't mean to upset
you and I totally get where you're
coming from I hear you like we're on it
and so now we just we move on I'm more
thoughtful about okay fair like the
eight months is pretty intense I totally
get where she's saying that next time
I'm gonna try to catch myself before I
ask but if I do she's not gonna be upset
but she is going to check it and say you
can't do that so it's one understanding
it takes constant maintenance there is
no such thing as oh my marriage is great
and it will remain great forever my
marriage is great because we work on it
every single day now balancing the
business in that it doesn't mean that I
give more more time to my marriage
because I don't I give more time to the
business but it does mean that I
prioritize my marriage so if my wife
says hey we can't do that thing then
we're not going to do it like I will
just tell you the CFO pulled Lisa and I
I was like yo two weeks of Christmas
Crazy Town can't do it and I was like
I'm just telling you right now two weeks
of Christmas every year from now until
the end of time because like the rest of
my life I make it about my business for
two weeks I'm not a businessman I'm a
family man it is what it is
and he was like okay cool like totally
on board I get it but that's one of
those you you have to know like I need
to do this set of 32 things to make sure
that my marriage is always thriving and
they don't always mean the most time now
it's not an accident that Lisa and I
build the company together I would never
be able to work as much as I do if we
didn't and I know this because the first
company that when I got into
entrepreneurship for eight years she
wasn't and it was a nightmare and even
though I worked less it was harder on
the marriage than when I'm working more
now because we're in it together and we
share you know the same stories and the
same people and wants and all that good
stuff I read feeling great you mentioned
it earlier
um and I might inflame the comment
section by saying this but I feel like
if that book exists then like why do
people who read it like don't suddenly
like oh now I'm no longer depressed or
no longer feeling like anxious in that
sense because he lays out all the steps
very clearly so what do you think is the
thing that causes people to just not be
like transformed from reading a book is
it the number three thing that you said
early in the beginning like just not
enough repetition it just hurts the
first time that they do it so they don't
follow through like what is the thing
that yeah it doesn't work big reason
that people struggle to get out of
depression even if they've read a book
like feeling great
is that
one they aren't
they don't believe the following very
inflammatory statement that you can get
control of your neurochemistry
and
they think that it's all in the mind and
they don't realize that it's a far more
complicated Beast than that but because
they don't believe that they can
completely get control of it they will
try a few things early on and stop now
if you have depression and you are not
dealing with the body your microbiome
very specifically then the odds of you
getting out of that depression are
virtually zero and so even a book is
extraordinary is feeling great is only
dealing with the psychological component
of depression and it is far deeper than
that so your gut controls many of your
neurotransmitters and serotonin so ssris
are selective serotonin reuptake
Inhibitors meaning they keep more
serotonin floating in your body now
seventy percent of the serotonin in your
body is produced and stored in the gut
so if the very chemical that they use to
combat depression is in your gut and
you're not dealing with your gut now you
have a problem but it goes back to what
I call the only belief that matters if
people don't think oh I can control this
then they won't keep going keep going
keep going keep going keep going keep
going until they find that root cause so
they think that this is oh this is that
thing that happened to me a tragedy
befell me and therefore I'm never going
to be able to get out of this this is
because of the trauma that I went
through in childhood yes partly but you
can get out of that you can unwind that
stuff and I am not in any way shape or
form saying this to be flippant I am not
trying to diminish the terrifying grip
that is depression I'm just saying you
have to believe that you can get your
way out of it and yes it is hyper
complicated and having watched Lisa go
through an extraordinary battle with her
microbiome and seeing how complicated it
is to undo all that the psychological
side's already bad enough especially if
it's a result of trauma abuse where that
gets hardwired in I mean that's in your
nervous system in a deep way that is
going to be very complex to unwind but
it starts with believing that you can
unwind it and then doing something like
cognitive behavioral therapy where you
go through I forget how many like it's
like 13 steps and one of the steps is
like the 15 cognitive distortions I mean
it's crazy so it is already a very
complex book just cognitively
psychologically that takes a lot of
repetition which requires you to believe
that it's going to work but then it's
also the very difficult part of getting
your body right sleep exercise diet you
want to talk about hey let's really like
the comment fire on the comment section
on fire remind people that what they eat
is going to influence their microbiome
is going to influence their production
of Serotonin is going to influence their
sleep is going to influence depression
anxiety all of it it just is and if
you're eating junk food you are making
everything worse not a moral judgment
it's just a biological reality now if
you can strip away the moral judgment
and realize you're not a bad person if
you eat junk food but you are a person
that's creating obstacles for feeling
good so all I'm saying is remove the
obstacles now there are people in my
life that I love that put every food
obstacle in their way humanly possible
they are actively in pain and they
actively tell me how much they're
suffering and they actively ask me what
they should do to stop suffering and
they keep doing it does that mean that I
think they are a worse person not in the
slightest I love them just as much I
think they're just as valuable as a
human being and I really wish that they
would remove the moral judgment from
themselves because it is not a moral
question it is 100 entirely a question
of this path leads to one outcome this
path leads to a different outcome pick
the path worthy you like the outcome and
then walk that path and so
people have to recognize I can do that
that there are it is cause and effect
there's nothing uh mythological about
this it's cause and effect but it is
hyper complicated it is both Psychology
and Physiology unwinding that will
almost certainly require that you get
help from professionals and other people
and so the shortest answer in the world
to your question is it's complicated
should we watch this episode
but even that like now how do you go in
and do like Lisa had me by her side and
it still took five years to get back to
Baseline with her microbiome and man
when you're in the thick of it the whole
time you're asking is this actually
going to work
because some days it doesn't feel like
it some days it feels like this is going
to be forever and it's not until you
look back a year and go yeah wow that's
right I actually have 17 more foods that
I can eat now that I couldn't eat before
but I still three days a week have just
absolute agony in my gut and so it's
still this still sucks then two years
you look back and you're like oh wow I'm
only having that two days a week
four years in you're like oh that's
right I only have it occasionally and
then five years in you're like God this
took a very long time there's a lot of
dark days for somebody struggling with
depression but if you don't believe that
you can unwind it if you don't believe
that you're in control even though it's
very complicated then you'll never do it
and having been a victim of something
would be horrible but you now have to
take control and say okay this sucks I
can't undo the past but I always can
control how I react to that thing don't
take my word for it read man search for
meaning that is the ultimate form of
abuse he was in a concentration camp so
like nobody's got a trump card to play
on him right and his punch line is it's
all about how you process it emotionally
so if if you can share with her in that
five years where the days that Lisa just
did not believe oh yeah
well they were the darkest days of my
marriage they were depression they were
me being afraid she was going to die
because she was so sick
there was her being so fed up I don't
even want to try anymore why Try why
bother there's no point
I was like wow that's hard there were
times where she would respond to love
with just rejection and anger I was like
what is happening
and so it was
brutal and we didn't know I mean you had
to have Blind Faith that it was going to
work but did I know it was going to work
no and there were times where even I was
like I have to act as if this is going
to work but I've never been through this
before and this is early man we we as
like uh uh mainstream Society have only
known about the microbiome for like 10
years like a year before Lisa got sick
I'd never even heard of the microbiome
so it's like dude this stuff is so
complex that it it does feel like a big
question mark but I will just say there
is a solution to every problem those
that judge that do you guys just sleep
fit often tomorrow you'll feel better
again or like what is like that thing to
get back to
to to base Baseline and not that um
um what do you call it like uh not
exaggeration but like um magnification
of the problem catastrophic thinking
yeah surviving it so the only way to
stop catastrophizing is to pattern
interrupt that not allow yourself to
wallow in that cognitive distortion to
say I'm going to base things on fact
and then have a growth mindset when you
have a growth mindset you have the only
belief that matters which is that if I
put time and energy into getting better
at this thing I will actually get better
at this thing so if I put time and
energy into learning about the
microbiome I will learn about the
microbiome so when I went into it I said
to Lisa look I'm gonna go learn about
the microbiome and I would wake up every
morning and the first thing I would do
is I would spend a couple of hours
researching the microbiome and I just
thought cool I let's say that there's no
doctor in the world that can solve her
problem I'm Gonna Learn enough about it
to do it myself and so when you go into
it with the arrogance of belief and it's
like cool I don't need somebody else to
know this I will put all the pieces
together now thankfully it didn't end up
needing to be that but because I
approached it like that that I'll read
the studies I will learn all of these
things I'll do research if I have to I
will buy a microscope and start doing
laboratory tests but when you approach
something like that which is how I
approach all of life you realize oh I
get it other people don't succeed at
whatever because they're not willing to
be absurd they they're not willing to
say I'll I'll become a Nobel
prize-winning scientist to solve my
wife's problem if you're willing to say
that and actually act in accordance it's
unreal what you can accomplish now
obviously we solved the problem long
before I had to become a Nobel prize
winning scientist but the fact that I
was willing to move like one the fact
that I was willing to go yeah I can do
this I can become that I'm not yet I'm
I'm gonna have to learn a lot I'm gonna
have to figure out how to read abstracts
and do research and ah
fine I'm not going to let my wife die my
number one priority is making sure that
we get her back on track and then you go
at it like a freak of nature but most
people cannot do the first part which is
to believe that it's [ __ ] possible
and this is what I want to scream to
people is like hey
[ __ ] you are average yes stop being
afraid of that you're average but you
can get better go [ __ ] learn but you
have to be a demon you have to give your
brain and body the impulse adapt or die
[ __ ] I will break you in half
before I give up when I put on the
muscle mass because boy did I used to be
a lot smaller when I would show up to
the gym every day I had to say adapt or
die and I'm just telling myself adapt or
die [ __ ] I will meaning my body
I'm gonna keep pushing you scream and
cry all you want we're doing this and I
would lift to the point I remember one
time this is when I was broke I couldn't
even unlock my car from the door I'd uh
lean across so open the passenger side
the lean across to the driver's side and
I had worked out so hard that I couldn't
hold up my own weight and I put my arm
in the seat to reach across and my arm
gave out and I literally just
face planted into the sea but you you
have to attack everything you do like
that and when you go that hard you will
be shocked everything will relent to
your Superior will
everything will relent to your Superior
will never forget that
there it is everybody
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staying motivated the first thing to
know about me is I am not a born
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that consider themselves a born
entrepreneur I am not one of them