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Language: en
we are attracted to men that fulfill
their potential if your motivation for
becoming rich is getting more women you
have to think about the quality of women
but if it takes money to access her you
are replaceable and I want to start with
a quote from you if I may what social
media is doing what this woke culture is
doing is destroying femininity and
replacing it with narcissism and telling
them that's feminism now you've also
said that modern dating is just training
for divorce now if you had to get
specific what problems is modern dating
creating exactly and if you could
control the social media algorithms what
values would you want to present to
people to make them better at romantic
relationships what amazing question
thank you for asking such an insightful
question I think what's happened and I
don't mean mean to blame the audience
the reality is we're not designed for
this level of exposure to human beings
as we are being exposed to in this
current climate we have social media we
have Internet we have the dating apps we
have the ability to get webcam girls
pornography we have such an exposure to
humans that we've never been able to do
or nor are we prepared for so what's
happened is when it comes to forming
relationships it's done the opposite
what it's done is made people crave
connections but have no idea where to
start and how to connect so the reality
is what I mean when I say we've turned
narcissism into and labeled it as
feminism unfortunately the Advent of
social media has accelerated the status
of women um far more than it has for men
what social media has done is allowed
women a platform to kind of showcase
their body their um preferences
basically put themselves on the
marketplace men don't really have that
same access so we're creating that um
division between them and what it's done
is allowed women to leverage their
beauty in a way that they've never been
able to do before before if you were a
beautiful girl you were just for in your
city and people would like you but you
wouldd marry the guy in the city and
you'd have a great life unfortunately
now if you're a beautiful girl you can
be a beautiful girl to the world and you
can have a million followers so it makes
every man disposable any man she's with
essentially becomes disposable so
unfortunately what's happening is women
are learning that they become this
almost like a deity in terms of Beauty
in a way that they've never had before
so that's what I think is happening for
women in terms of men the main problem
that's occurring is the access to
pornography and the access to beautiful
women what that is doing is them seeing
all these beautiful girls thinking I
want those girls but I don't want
rejection so what I'll do is find a way
to access those girls and it comes in
the form of pornography or webcams or
anything like that so what's happening
is we're distancing the Sexes from each
other through the Advent of the internet
and if I could control the algorithm I I
would wish there was a way of people
being as honest and sincere as they
possibly could be and removing the idea
of trying to protect themselves in the
form of idolizing money or sex because
that's usually what people are doing
they're protecting themselves they're
going into relationship saying I just
want someone rich or a man is protecting
his ego saying I just want someone who's
good at sex they don't really want to
get vulnerable with each other I wish
people could put that aside and put
their true values of vulnerability and
authenticity as a Forefront and then the
algorithm could find them somebody along
those lines rather than feeding their
ego it's an amazing breakdown of the
problem set what's the point of a
relationship uh I would imagine the the
point of a relationship is to kind of
create a shared meaning and purpose now
throughout history that's always been to
create a family like a shared meaning
and purpose but it doesn't have to be
primarily a family I've noticed in
couples that don't embark on a family
they find a shared meaning and purpose
in the form of a business or in the form
of shared extended families maybe their
brothers and sisters get on really well
maybe they have nieces and nephews or
whatever they create a shared meaning
and purpose Now relationships which lack
a shared meaning and purpose in the form
of either parenting or F same values or
anything they tend to end up drifting
apart so the purpose of relationship is
somebody that you can enjoy life with
whilst maintaining a shared purpose and
meaning that is aligned to one another I
have a growing thesis about why modern
dating is as problematic as it is what
is it about social media I I had never
come to the conclusion that this is
access to too many people problem the
thing that I worry about is is that what
the algorithms end up doing is they
hyper fragment us so that whether it's
uh only fans or pornography you're able
to pick a very narrow thing that you
want and you can indulge so deeply in
that thing that you lose sight of what
you're calling shared meaning and
purpose I always think of it as shared
narratives if we don't share an
understanding of what the purpose of a
relationship is then we're approaching
the problem with a distorted frame of
reference M now my audience has heard me
talk a lot about frame of reference but
just to set the table for this
conversation so your frame of reference
is the distorted lens through which you
view the entire world there is no way
for it not to be distorted without
getting into postmodernism while uh I
violently disagree with the
postmodernist interpretation of the
world I understand how they end up going
down that path because identifying what
is objectively true is very difficult
when we have a brain that has to
simplify the world and to simplify it it
basically creates a simulation right and
so we view the simulation and mistake it
for objective reality right so the
algorithms allow you to really
unintentionally get this hyper distorted
view of what the world is what women is
what a relationship is what sex is but
you don't realize it's happening right
so you don't realize that you're coming
to a conclusion about what a
relationship is it just happens right
and so you get the red pill
people very unhelpful set in terms of if
you're right and relationships are about
shared meaning and purpose I think you
and I would both agree that the
Northstar when you think about living
your life well is human flourishing yeah
what is going to it's not happiness I
call it fulfillment but if you think of
it as what's going to make me feel good
in the widest variety of situations
possible that sort of gets you in the
right direction so this hyper
fragmentation creation of a distorted
lens by which you value what
relationships are then lead people down
a road where they don't flourish right
so it's interesting that you you singled
in on this idea of shared meaning and
purpose so if we have access to too many
people how do we begin building shared
meaning and purpose when we get together
in relationships well the thing is
unfortunately we have to look at our
values and once we know what our values
are we have to start learning to reject
rather than um glorifying the one
ingredient we like so what I mean by
that is say for example I meet a man who
just glorifies Beauty having a beautiful
partner it monopolizes his brain so what
will happen is he might mute a beautiful
woman and the beauty of her will allow
him to kind of submit to all of her
demands no matter how unreasonable they
are so she might be asking for more
money than he's got he's prepared to
give or she might be disrespectful she
might be cheating on him she might be
doing this they're forgetting all of
what the ingredients a healthy
relationship looks like and focusing on
an egotistical desire similarly if a man
has money a woman might ignore all of
the other red flags and just F glorify
this one e extrinsic trait so what I
would say is if you want to start a
healthy relationship make sure you have
a balance of values what you really look
for in a relationship rather than what
you look for to boost your ego the
people people that glorify one
ingredient tend to have uh lacked that
at some stage in their life or lacked
access to that at some stage so they
glorify it and they allow all other
behaviors to be ignored but then it
eventually leads to a divorce it
eventually leads to children's homes
being broken done it eventually leads to
people being crippled in the future when
it comes to starting relationships again
it's so destructive so I would say if
you want a healthy relationship have a
look at your values and make sure that
they are healthy and is the person
you're attaching to ticking all of the
boxes or are they just fulfilling an
egotistical desire that you have at the
moment all right I've heard you say that
you actually understand the logic of
arranged marriages yes and I if I
understood correctly because of this
idea of shared values yes what is the
logic of an arranged marriage
essentially what psychology has always
found is when two people come from
similar backgrounds they have a higher
rate of them becoming successful in a
relationship only because they
understand each other's norms and values
in a way that nobody else can
if I understand that you know let's say
for example silent treatment was given
in my house I know to give you silent
you're giving me silent treatment we'll
get back to normal I understand that
pathology in you or if I understand that
you know it can even be in a toxic way
if I understand sometimes some people
swear at each other then you get back
together we understand each other's
norms and values what arranged marriages
do is two parents will choose parents
who are similar to them so what will
happen is they have children who have
been raised SE relatively similar so
those two people when they get together
tend to have shared norms and values so
there's an element of unspoken
understanding that doesn't exist when
two people in the real world just
meeting each other randomly especially
now that we have dating apps and I can
meet a man in Colombia and a Colombian
man can meet a woman in Ghana it's so
different so we're only going to end up
attaching on egotistical desires either
because we like each other the way each
other's looks or we might get on with
the same music or might have the same
taste in movies but our actual
upbringings are very difficult and
different and norms and values are very
different so that's why I think I can
understand the logic behind arranged
marriages more now than ever before now
would you actually like would you like
your parents to arrange your marriage I
always rebelled against it but now I
wish I listened really yeah sometimes
I'm now like oh maybe I should have
listened um only because there was an
element of you just assume you're losing
your autonomy but what you're actually
doing is you're um trusting the process
a little bit more so I think I I could
have probably made it work more if I was
when I was younger but at the time
because I felt so controlled in other
areas of my life this is the one area
where they gave me some leeway so I was
like you're not controlling that part
but had they been more lenient in other
areas I probably would have let allow
them more insight into the partner I
choose that's interesting are you
married no no so it's not too late it's
not too late but I am committed oh so
you're in a relationship got to got now
how does he feel about you saying I
maybe I should have I think he I think
the thing is because I'm so traditional
at heart he understands where this comes
from obviously he like we're lucky that
we have the same norms and values which
is where we really we got lucky um but
because I have a very traditional
mindset and I don't know how or why I
grew up in London I grew up in an
entirely English school I didn't have
any Muslim or uh Pakistani friends but
for some reason I I kind of found myself
orientated towards a traditional value
system and I really don't know where it
came from but I just internalized those
Traditional Values from a really young
age and so now I can always see things
from the lens of tradition rather than
in the lens of modernism and I don't
know why it's interesting were you
traditional as I assume the Traditional
Values came from your family and
religion do you know what it was I
naturally got attached to God from quite
a young age I don't know what it was I
started to feel like I couldn't trust
people so I started putting trust in God
and I think think what happens then
through life I ended up looking at life
through the lens of religion and if it
was acceptable by religion then I
probably would question it less but if
it was going against religion I would
start questioning the what's going on in
society and that led me to kind of have
forming my own opinion so I'd question
things more particularly because
everything I was around was against what
I was being told told by God so I'd end
up questioning it questioning it and I
found my own kind of Rhythm with
psychology
very interesting okay so I want to
understand is you're taking on these
Traditional Values you're somebody who's
very aware of the soup of life that
you're in yeah uh for people that know
your content they've seen you talk a lot
about you you are of the culture like
you're from Dubai not from Dubai but you
live in Dubai now when you talk about
modern dating you're talking about it
from that perspective this is what it's
like this is what I see you coach in
this area so you definitely get the
space I would assume that's something
you've always been good at so I'm
curious as you were growing up you're
weighing sort of okay religion is
telling me this I see people doing the
opposite of that yeah were you looking
at that and going ah it doesn't seem to
make them happy was that the thing that
you checked it against I think so I
think what happened is I had a choice
especially now like living abroad away
from you know the prying eyes of parents
or anything I had a choice I could
either live my life accordance to the
rules of God or I could be like screw
that I'm doing the exact opposite of
what I've been told by God which is what
a lot of religious people do when they
finally find Freedom but when I looked
at doing the opposite of what God
prescribed I found that it looked like
Mayhem so for example I'm not allowed to
drink the opposite would be to get
really drunk but when I would see people
doing that it didn't look like something
I would enjoy uh or I'm not allowed to
have like sex and all this stuff and
Casual when I looked at people who were
in joining in that I saw the negative
consequences of children like and then
having the abortion debate and all these
things and I just thought doing the
opposite doesn't look healthy
psychologically so I ended up going more
towards a tradition while staying very
alert and aware of what was going on in
the real world because all my friends do
indulge and I'm not judgmental so I
ended up being really good friends with
people who do but I just realized it
wasn't good for me personally oo M do
you really think it's just you
personally or do you not think it's
pretty Universal I would say it's
Universal but I don't want to like you
know put put my views on there but for
for me I just feel no rule and I know
it's like a lot of people find My
Religion misogynistic and they find it
really negative but there was no rule
when I look at the opposite did I think
the opposite is better for example we
might have as women have to cover I know
I don't but you know we're supposed to
cover when I look at what the opposite
looks like the opposite might be like
pornography women only fans that the
opposite doesn't look healthy to me I'm
sure there's a good middle ground but
when we live in quite a polarizing kind
of universe I know which side I'd rather
be on and so that's what made me always
every time I see the opposite and
because I live in a world now because of
technology I can literally see what the
opposite of religion looks like it looks
like only fans it looks like you know uh
like lots of sexual priscu it looks like
getting drunk a lot I just thought the
opposite doesn't make sense to me so
means that the restrictions actually
might be healthy for me personally it's
interesting so do you drink alcohol I do
occasionally but not very often uh it
makes me feel like I'm suppressing the
urge to dance on a table which is
wonderful and I love that feeling the
reason I don't do it is
entirely because it's brutal on the body
right and so I don't like the way it
makes me feel the next day and uh I
worry that it shortens my lifespan but
if it didn't like if it didn't make me
feel bad I would have no problem doing
it on the weekends and having fun I'm a
discipline goal oriented person so I'd
never do it during the week that's a
whole different thing right so I want to
go back to religion so I am uh I grow
increasingly fascinated by the role of
religion why it lasted as long as it did
why it seemed to dip for a while and
seems to be coming back yeah my
hypothesis goes like this I think it's
something
like religion was humans are a
storytelling species that's what we do
we we are all about simplifying the
world turning it into a meme that can be
passed on and religion is the ultimate
meme spreader right and so when
something works and um you're Islamic
yeah okay so to use a law that you guys
put in place um don't eat pork yeah now
my gut instinct is that the reason that
became true is because of um is it Tri
is I think is the the thing if you
undercook pork and so you don't
necessarily I mean you don't have the
the scientific data to back up but you
know something's wrong yeah and so
you're like Ah that's not a great idea
and in an in trying to explain it to
people it ends up becoming a part of a
oral tradition at first of course and
then ultimately gets written down and
that becomes the word of God and so it
is it is a very useful tactic whether on
purpose or on accident I don't know you
know how this ends up forming but it is
a very useful thing to put it in the
mouth of God and say God says don't do
this thing to like legitimize it yeah
exactly so don't have kids out of
wedlock why because you they are less
likely to survive right so I think
religion ultimately is basically the the
ultimate way to get a very good idea to
cross over time and that if one were to
write the Bible
today it would say things like don't do
an only fans
account you know make sure that you have
values as you go into your marriage like
whatever the things are that are going
to lead to human flourishing in that
moment and the reason that these ideas
stay and cross through so much time is
because they're so useful right and
that's where this gets really intriguing
to me for people now so going back to
shared narratives yeah religion gave
people shared narratives they made they
made it easier to make the right choices
because you didn't have to reinvent the
wheel so so prescribed for you exactly I
think a lot about culture Stacks meaning
I don't have to ReDiscover electricity
I'm born into a world that has
electricity I don't have to ReDiscover
the printing press or the wheel and as
we invent things like the printing press
and the internet now all of a sudden
ideas can travel fast right my growing
concern is that there's too much
velocity of information now we'll set
that aside but religion was sort of that
initial way to get these ideas to um for
the smart ideas in culture to be easily
transmissible to the Next Generation so
that they could stand on the shoulder of
giants okay um so to make them concise
and clear so people know what they're
doing don't have to think exactly yeah
just you follow the word of God and
things are going to be better but now if
you had to abstract
the values that people should be imbuing
as they come into a
relationship instead
of necessarily saying because God said
so if you had to distill it to the
values that just make humans Thrive yeah
what values are those it would be um is
my behavior going to lead to a
longlasting stable connection between
the two of us now if we always you think
that's better so longlasting
relationships longlasting relationship
why is that um because I think what
happens with long-lasting firstly
they're more likely to create a shared
meaning and purpose um also what happens
is you you end up knowing that you start
to learn to reject things if I know I'm
going to stay with you forever what will
happen is I reject maybe you know going
to clubs every night because I know who
I'm going to be home with I reject
dating multiple people at the same time
I reject sleeping around because I know
where I'm ending up but why are those
good things um what I would say is the
plethora of options reduces our
satisfaction in anything anyway so the
idea what monogamy does is it allows you
to focus it doesn't mean good or bad but
what I mean by this is if I'm only
dating you and it's just you at least in
that two three months where I'm just
focusing on you I either learn that
you're the love of my life or I learn
that you're terrible for me and I should
never speak to you again but if I dilute
my experience with you by also talking
to Tom Dick and Harry what will happen
is I'm wasting energy not realizing that
you might be really bad for me but I
haven't noticed because I'm also seeing
Tom Di and hurry oh you might be amazing
for me again I haven't noticed so the
reality is it creates internal chaos
whereas internal consistency will allow
us to know what's good and bad for us
and then remove ourselves or enjoy
ourselves in what it is but
unfortunately diluting the experience
means that we end up being chaotic and
we lose the ability to create an
identity because we're almost spreading
ourselves too thinly so I think monogamy
is a great way it's a shortcut it will
either tell you we're going to work out
or it tell you we're never going to work
out but at least I know through conf ing
myself to that space okay so limit your
options is limiting your options is a
necessary thing for happiness I I would
say not necessarily limiting but
rejecting Alternatives in order to like
understand the difference um well
limiting your options would be like you
don't even um pay attention to what the
alternative could be and you just stick
to one what you know rejecting the
Alternatives is knowing what you have
knowing what the alternative would look
like and having the strength to say I
don't want to okay but how can you know
the alternative you talked about in the
beginning we just see too many people
yeah and that back in the day it was
easier because you didn't see as many
people and you were pretty but you were
just pretty in your hometown you were
going to marry somebody in your hometown
yeah so if too many people as part of
the problem set yeah it doesn't seem
like awareness of all the options is
necessary for thriving no because it
creates an illusion of options what will
happen is just like if you were to open
a Tinder account luckily you probably
never had to do any online dating right
very fortunate you are incredibly
fortunate but what it looks like is you
go in there and you're overwhelmed so
what would happen is a person would go
on there and any single person can be
easily replaced by the next swipe and
the next swipe but so you end up
applying minimal investment to each
person everybody becomes disposable and
then by the end of it you don't want to
spend time with any of them because
they've all just replaced each other um
whereas minimal kind of exposure means
that I have the time and social battery
and energy to invest in each person and
then figure out who's right for me but
when I'm just swiping and there's
millions of options I don't actually
realize what's good or bad for me you
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today so I still want to say it sounds
like you're saying that you do want to
limit your options but that doesn't feel
right to you why doesn't saying limiting
options maybe I am saying it incorrectly
because I think when people hear
limiting the options they think settling
they do yeah and they but is that not
part of what you're saying you're saying
arranged marriage makes sense yeah I do
think do you know what it is what they
see as settling um they they see as with
a negative connotation yeah they see
settling they right um no because
settling doesn't mean that you are
compromising on what you truly want it's
just that you're recognizing what you
truly want so settling implies that
you're not happy with what you've got
what I'm suggesting is you're so happy
with what you got that you reject the
Alternatives and you only become so
happy with what you got through being
able to reject the alternativ
interesting so one I think arranged
marriages are a terrible idea but yeah
uh I don't know that this is true but
I've heard something about divorce rates
being lower in a Range yeah they're the
lowest all right that's true yeah that's
true yeah this is one of those times
Axel pull that up I want to know if
that's really true if divorce rates in
arranged marriages really are lower then
should there is something okay the
divorce rate for arranged marriages is
estimated at 4% while the divorce rate
where people choose their Partners is
estimated to be close to
40% I don't know that I believe have a
look at their divorce rates in somewhere
like India or somewhere where like the
arranged marriages are prominent but I
promise you it's lower but that could
also I want to preface that that could
also be because there's a stigma
Associated to divorce in cultures which
practice arranged marriages so it could
be a could be mitigated by that but on
the whole I would like to think that
from what I remember uh arranged
marriages have the lowest levels of
divorce because people who engage in
arranged marriages don't do it with the
purpose of assuming that love is the
glue that keeps you together forever
okay so love isn't the glue that keeps
us together whereas when you go into
marri the glue well I I would say it's
different for most people but the I
would imagine the most people what I
would imagine is the glue is a duty to
one another's well-being and the
function of the marriage I would imagine
that the glue that keeps a relationship
together is even though we might have a
rough year a rough five years a rough 10
years even but your well-being matters
to me and my well-being matters to you
and so therefore making sure that we
engage in a lifelong purpose of
maintaining that and the dud that we
created to towards one another when we
made our vows is more important than how
we're feeling right now it's a bit like
if you signed you know a 10-year
contract with a basketball team if
you're a basketball player you might
hate it some months you might love it
some seasons whatever it is but you're
committed to the purpose and the duty
that the contract
suggested this is very interesting okay
so a d to well why do you disagree with
arranged marriage sorry to interrupt you
but why do why do you disagree with
arranged marriages okay so you and I
share a lot of values if we were to lay
out what values we think people need to
have in order to have a successful
marriage I actually would be very
surprised if they are at all different
yeah I rebel against Authority so
violently you can't imagine one of my
primary values is autonomy so I cannot
live in a world where somebody gets to
tell me who to love I need to to be free
to be a and and it is UN for me it
is
authoritarian to um oppose something
like that top down okay did you um did
you rebel against your parents Authority
when you were younger what was it about
the way that they relayed orders to you
that you didn't like they wanted me to
do something I didn't want to do my
parents were incredibly loving I have no
beef if you watched me you would have
thought I was uh brat you wouldn't have
thought oh his parents are really mean
or anything
deril the tribe needs some people like
me they need some people like you my
wife like they need all of it um I just
had a conversation yesterday with Gad
sad and he was saying oh maybe I
shouldn't be this way and I was like
actually I think it's good that the
tribe has your style of communication
which can be very aggressive very
satirical but it's
that we have that perspective so I don't
think as a tribe we want uniformity we
want the only way to truly narrow in on
what is true is to get a bunch of
different perspectives make sure
everybody can speak up so uh I think
it's probably good that the tribe has
people like me that just cannot deal
with authority yeah um but that's why I
don't like arranged marriages it doesn't
necessarily mean that arranged marriages
won't yield more human flourishing and
so if if I had time to really review the
data I may walk away going hey guys look
I wouldn't want to do it uh but the data
is in and arranged marriages just work
better yeah usually from a psychological
perspective people who reject Authority
um growing up they didn't trust their
parents Authority either because they
didn't have the same values or because
they didn't like the method in which
they relayed it so they end up losing
trust for their parents Authority and
then that just extends through life they
just whereas people who really trust and
respect their parents Authority end up
accepting Authority later on in life do
you think we're blank slates um no no I
don't think so I think a lot of it is
blank slates but I do think we have a
natural percentage I would say that we
are 30% genetics and 70% environment
interesting what would you say 50/50 is
what science B science say yeah but I
would say that your environment is
pretty much everything I personally
think that my personaly wait wait wait
did you just say your environment is
pretty much everything um well it's more
so than your temperament because I
believe that personally the traits I
hold if I wasn't a woman and if I wasn't
raised in the right environment if I
didn't have the parents I did I would
very much be a criminal personality it's
very criminal I'm fearless I'm shocked
by that yeah I'm absolutely Fearless I
have no fear why would that lead you to
criminality because if I was growing up
in an environment where money was scarce
and poverty was real and role models
were criminal I definitely would indulge
in it I don't have a fear of I don't
have a fear repercussions and there so
such a strange thing for somebody who
believes in God but I naturally do not
have a fear like I believe in God but I
don't have a fear of repercussions so
naturally if I see a police officer and
if they annoy me I'll say what I need to
say now if I was a man with that
mentality and if I was somebody who was
struggling for money with that
personality there's no way I'd still be
on the streets I'd be in prison or at
least
rehab that's really fasc I'm shocked by
that okay so going back to arrang
marriage the value set yeah okay so we
understand why I don't like arranged
marriage but at the same time human
flourishing is my North Star and I don't
think there's anything in life that will
give you more um of the things that I
would ballpark to human flourishing than
a healthy romantic
partnership which that word's very
important to me for people dealing with
the modern dating world I will just say
do not see your significant other as an
adversary you need to be looking for a
partner yeah um so life has me there's a
reason I've been married for 21 years
life has taught me that it's worth the
investment but the I actually find so I
think you're picking up on my reaction
as if I don't agree with you no I know
because I've seen you in interviews
before you challenged the people that
you still kind of un fundamentally agree
with you just want to make sure you
understood them correctly correct so
Duty also I um I think people are going
to have a hard time with some of the
words you're using uh but what I like
about you is you're un afraid to take
your stance uh so duty to one another's
well-being and I will say when I got
married I tattooed four words on my arm
as a reminder to me what this was all
about to to make it work well yeah uh
and they were love passion commitment
and respect and commitment was I I was
very aware that men are valued for their
ability to acquire resources and women
are valued for their beauty and so like
ooh as my value goes up in a traditional
sense my wife's will go down in a
traditional sense and there's a whole
another thing to life though which is
sharing a life with somebody right now
in in that very small set of words hides
a lot um but I wanted Lisa to know you
never have to worry about me trading you
in for an upgraded model right the
reason you don't have to worry about me
trading you in for an upgraded model is
not because I think you're the most
beautiful in the world I don't think
you're the most beautiful woman in the
world today I'm not going to think
you're the most beautiful woman in the
world when you're 90 so I want you to
understand I'm committed to you yeah
because you make my life better and I
want to share this life with you and I'm
not the best looking guy in the world
and I'm not going to be the richest guy
in the world I certainly wasn't the
richest guy when we met I will tell you
that so um that was important to me that
we both focus on that idea that we have
a duty to one another's wellbeing and
like as somebody that hates Authority
yeah I get why people don't want to
submit to that all right forgive me yeah
but the other day I was talking to
somebody about I'm not religious yeah
but I want something to kneel before
right and well that's a that's a really
interesting desire to have for somebody
who's not religious I think every human
being has that yeah and I think that
people don't acknowledge that and this
is part of how people spiral out of
control because we don't have shared
narratives anymore so understand how to
navigate life uh thankfully I read a
book called The Power of myth by Joseph
Campbell I highly recommend it okay uh
and so I realized ah yeah I do want to
kneel before something and one of the
things that I kneel before is my
marriage not my wife my marriage I love
that and so that idea of each of us are
going to kneel before this thing that is
greater than either of us individually
and we're going to protect it
fiercely um because we have a duty to
one another's well-being why not because
God told us to but because that's what
leads to human flourishing which is why
I think people say God tells you to yeah
I mean the thing is I think you're very
true everybody has a need and I think
it's an an evolved need we all have a
need to worship now the problem is
because we've got no sense of God
anymore we've replaced the need to
worship with either we're going to
worship celebrities or we're going to
worship like influences or we're going
to start worshiping ourselves and our
own egotistical desire so that's why I
think it's always good to submit to
something I personally submit to God but
it could also be your marriage it could
be also your parents for some people it
could be whatever it is but having
nothing to submit to means that you will
definitely submit to your own desires do
you think people need to be very careful
what they choose to submit to I think
yeah they do they they definitely need
to be very careful because the thing is
whether we like it or not we submit to
the law the systems of the law and the
laws that we live in now as we even in
our short period of being alive we've
seen the laws change drastically now the
reason why I don't recommend submitting
completely to a culture or Society or
the norms and values of a culture is
they're so changing so rapidly so it
leads to a fragile identity whereas what
I like about religion is it creates a
stable identity throughout the years
you'll never have to say what does God
think about this you know whereas the
laws and system what could have been
seen as offensive now would have been
seen as normal practice 20 years ago I
just wonder what that does to people's
identity knowing that what they once
believed in now is the worst thing on
the planet and then it might be cool
again and then it might be I don't know
if it creates an internal dialogue that
is steady so that's why I why I
recommend it now you migrated from
submit to Neil or sorry from Neil to
submit and so do you I see a pretty
radical difference between those what do
you see as a difference uh so I submit
to the law but I don't kneel before the
law and if the law were to get deranged
which I have extreme fears about right
now yeah uh I
would oppose it right whereas my
marriage uh there are ways that it could
become dysfunctional to the point where
I would exit my marriage so I'm not
somebody who thinks no matter what yeah
um but I I when I say that I kneel
before my marriage it is entirely my
responsibility to make sure that it does
not devolve to that okay so taking it
back to the law um I kneel before
the
ideals that oh God before I make this
statement I I was going to say I kneel
before the ideals the ideals that this
country was founded on yeah I'd need to
educate myself more deeply on that I
kneel before the ideals I think this
country was founded upon that's probably
uh the more I don't I'm afraid but I'm
sure there's something offensive in the
is there in the I don't know don't um
but anyway I draw a distinction between
the law and the ideals that should be
aimed at human thriving I I I get what
you mean by the difference between
kneeling and submitting one sounds more
voluntary the other one sounds like it
is what it is like it's more involuntary
so I understand what you probably mean
when you say kneeling and submitting
they're not synonymous yeah I get what
you mean okay so going back to the
values that make a relationship work um
so the four things that I I think
originally I was going to get like nine
tattooed and the tattoo artist was like
the writing will be too small so it was
an interesting exercise to force me to
boil it down to those four um if you had
to give people three to five things
values like super succinct that are
going to allow them to have that
longevity yeah what would those be I
would say the first is honesty even if
it hurts and the reason why I think
honestly is such an important one is it
even when it's something like my partner
says s you've gained weight yeah as much
as I might not like that or you know
your makeup doesn't look nice as much as
I don't like that what it does is it
redirects me into a way that will keep
us connected one of the reasons why so
many people end up having Affairs is
they have this kind of unmet need but a
fear of telling the truth to their
partner because their partner is so
fragile and easily offended so there
might be a a man that feels like his
wife has let go and doesn't want to tell
her but then will Outsource sexual
desire elsewhere it might be a woman
that feels like a man is not you know um
aggressive enough physically when
they're making love and whatever so she
ends up never saying it to him and then
Outsourcing it elsewhere um so I would
say honesty is important but honesty
without brutality what happens is people
who suppress it is that they don't say
the truth but when they get into a fight
they say the truth but with Venom they
say this is why you're so this is
why they say it negatively so you want
honesty without brutality honesty with
whilst you're on a good terms rather
than just doing a fight so I'd say
honesty is a really important one about
what your needs are uh another thing is
being not doing anything behind your
partner's back that you wouldn't do in
front of their face and there's a what I
mean by that is even if that means you
can we call that Integrity yeah I would
say so Integrity because even if let's
say for example uh he's texting a girl
or I'm texting a boy if that's something
I would do in front of him say I'm just
messaging this person I'm just talking
to this person there's nothing wrong
with that but where you would do it the
same behind their back as you would in
front of them that Integrity is really
important you don't become a different
person when they leave because the
people who do that end up having two
parallel lives they live completely
different lives and I think it all kind
of boils down to honesty really I would
say if anything I would just say honesty
is a really important one because it
enables all the other features of a good
connection to thrive if I'm honest with
you about what I like in terms of
emotional intimacy we create emotional
intimacy if I'm honest what I like in
terms of physical intimacy we create
that if I'm honest about what makes me
less attractive to you we create
attraction so I just say that honesty is
a really important one would would you
add anything else to that one so we've
got honesty Integrity yeah for so mine
are the four that I have tattooed on
myself what does respect look like to
you because I know that something that
men always talk a lot about but in
literal terms what would respect look
like from a a man's perspective so
respect is is uh one of the reasons I
chose that is a lot of things go into
that so for me being honest with
somebody is you respect ifying to you I
am not resp you if I lack Integrity I'm
not resp you um the easiest way for me
to explain respect though would be my
wife went from a traditional housewife
and I loved it because she took care of
everything it was amazing in fact at
some point we should talk about what it
was like for the two of us to research
and interview you on the same day cuz it
it was like had us asking each other
questions yeah which is really actually
really fun I really wish more people
would do things like that they should
watch your episodes and then talk to
each other um
so that is when you have the respect of
um I know who my wife wants to become
because she wanted to go from housewife
to entrepreneur right and it that was
deeply uncomfortable for me and I had to
mourn the loss of my traditional wife M
but I needed to respect that she wanted
to become something else and so the
thing that occurred to me as we were
going through this was I believe I mean
going back you really put great words
around it that I have a duty to my
wife's well-being yeah and so I the
words that kept occurring to me were I
want you to be the best version of
yourself and so I would never want to
stop you from becoming who you want to
be right and so she was very graceful
and letting me mourn that I was losing
something yeah and then I showed her the
respect
to help her not only um give her the
space but to help her become the person
that she wants to become and and not
just be a cheer leader but literally be
a Savage in the fight for what she wants
um so there's a lot that goes into that
what did you miss about her going from
traditional housewife to successful
entrepreneur man we're this
this is a because she mentioned today
that she was watching one of my videos
and me I talk a lot about how men um I
know it sounds so ridiculous but they
just love a meal from their wife it
doesn't even have to be homecooked just
her plating it or her knowing what he
likes do you get why that matters to
guys I don't know if that's an
evolutionary thing if it's something
that's in them um and but I also think
that because they're not so verbal acts
of service means a lot to them because
they don't know how to express their
needs sometimes so somebody
understanding their needs and predicting
them before very different but that's
why for me now this is one where I'm not
confident enough that this is universal
explain to me um the having somebody and
having somebody understand me so well
yeah that they can anticipate my needs
and that I'm so important to them that
they want to make that need go away
before um I have to deal with it yeah
but there's a reason for that now this
there's a lot of tension around what I'm
about to say between my wife and I yeah
this is is so fascinating to me because
this is I think my wife's fundamental
misunderstanding of the nature of a man
right and I I am a Savage for my wife
yeah everything I do I do for my wife
yeah I work as hard as I work for my
wife yeah now here's the problem my wife
wishes I wouldn't work that hard yeah
what do you do with that so now my wife
is crying out for me please work less
you say you do this for me but I need
you to work less and what I'm saying to
her is I need to be appreciated for how
hard I'm working which is what you show
me when you recognize my needs and make
them go away I then feel like being a
Savage for you is being rewarded it's
being acknowledged it's being
appreciated appreciation is the right
word and ladies I'm telling you right
now if you appreciate your man and make
him feel powerful that's it it's a rap
nothing like which is why I always say
that successful men have it the hardest
I'm not talking about you I think praise
be to God you have a very beautiful
marriage but um generally speaking
successful men I find have the hardest
time when it comes to being married and
it's because they create a life that it
almost enables a lazy woman yeah I mean
that hasn't happened for you she's a
absolute you know Legend in her field
but the majority of very successful CEOs
happen to have wives who then have
nannies Cooks chefs so on and so forth
and what happens is that she doesn't
have to rely on any instinct to predict
her partner's needs because it's all
taken care of it's all kind of uh
outsourced but he still craves female
attention he craves his wife loving him
he craves his wife saying oh baby your
shirt is ironed or uh baby um your lunch
is packed I I I bought those stupid
crisps that you love it seems so small
and effortless yet he doesn't get that
whilst he's building an empire to help
create a life that she loves she sees it
as childish to to do that for him and we
label what a man needs as childish you
can do it yourself but we can do it
ourselves we can pay our own bills now
but we still love it when a man does it
so I think that's where I say the
narcissism is coming through feminism
has taught women that catering and
appreciating and showing love for your
man is babying him and he should be a
grown-up and he should do it himself but
then what is the how how else does he
feel loved how else is he going to get
it the only other way to get it is
sexually and then that is replace able
any girl can have sex with you but how
many girls will know what you want in
your sandwich and if that's not your
wife then who's it going to be so they
start to Outsource affection and they
end up they end up majority of the times
with gold diggers and they end up with
escorts who they fall in love with I've
met so many successful intelligent men
fall absolutely head over heels in love
with escorts because you've got to
remember the market of an escort or a
webcam she deals with men with low
self-esteem every day every single day
so she knows all she you has to do is
take an interest in him for five minutes
and he's putty in your hands so she will
say oh I got you a jam sandwich I know
you love it and he will be like I'm in
love she knows what she's doing so they
end up falling into such a bad pattern
because they're so starved of
appreciation so that's why I try and
encourage women to prevent them going
down that
route I think that's very wise and it is
hilarious to me how easy it is to
manipulate men have you seen any side of
that with working with successful men do
you ever see or do they not kind of tell
each other what they do on the side yeah
guys are not going to be open about that
kind of thing like what makes you putty
in somebody's hands I mean you can sort
of pick it up with some guys but um no
you don't see it as much maybe because I
live in Dubai so I see the average 70
60y old man walking around with a 24
year old you know model and then you see
what's happened like you see how he's
got there but what would have happened
is years of feeling neglected or
rejected now somebody just makes them
feel alive although it's transactional
they're willing to pay that cost just to
get that feeling right yeah I mean it's
it is utterly fascinating like people
really need to understand men and women
this is one of the things that I found
very interesting about you and I have a
feeling that there's going to be uh a
lot of
um response I don't know what the right
word is rebound effect from how hard
like whatever fourth wave feminism has
gone yeah
uh and then the other side where women
go oh wait to get a man and to keep him
happy these are all the things that I
have to do and because I think there's
so much evolutionary pressure at our
backs to deliver in that way I think and
look everything is a cycle and so um if
we go now into a sort of deeply
traditional part of the cycle um
there'll be a rebound against that later
down the road and this stuff will just
cyle you think that's where the red pill
came in is they found a space from that
no the red pill I think is a response to
the velocity of
information uh people feeling very
rejected the algorithm starting to feed
you somebody who's like you know
these women uh this is a truth look how
they manipulate you wake up like and now
you see the truth of it and have painted
women as adversaries that's a real
mistake real huge because people are not
thinking about what the they they've
never for themselves what's their North
Star your North Star should be human
flourishing yeah I I am a firm believer
that um me this is on average of course
gay people exist and they are capable of
wonderful Lives full of love and joy but
from an evolutionary standpoint the male
female dichotomy in a relationship makes
a lot of sense yeah and you really do
from a procreation standpoint you make a
whole and so together you're able to do
something that you weren't able to do
apart yeah um do you think that applies
to Parenting as well does what apply
having the dichotomy of a male and
female oh for sure for sure in terms of
raising well balanced yeah absolutely I
think so as well I know that might be
sound as controversial but it's just
it's a fact of life I think children end
up benefiting from that masculine
feminine Dynamic and unfortunately we've
made it like it's a sin to suggest how
in sync those two energy should be
because people who are trying to pit men
and women against each other just get
more views and they get more kind of um
accolate on the internet so
unfortunately we're going drifting down
that path but does your does does your
audience in your realm they all you
value marriage and value the connection
I don't know that's a good question so
one of the exercises that I'm trying to
go on now is really defining like what
the the through line of the show is for
people so they can understand for me
it's always been self-evidently
empowerment but the number of things
that that will go through so what we end
up doing is our audiences around topics
and they're totally separate and so if I
do an episode on finance I can predict
how it's going to do if I do an episode
on relationships I can predict how it's
going to do and it's not the same people
and so what I really want people to
understand is this is about empowering
you to live life well yeah and there is
one through line through every person
that I bring on the show um but no the
people that would come to me for
relationship are very different than the
people that would come to me for finance
etc etc um so I don't I honestly don't
know how they feel about you balance a
healthy relationship while being so
unbelievably successful because usually
one gives whil the other one kind of
suffers but how did you manage that I
haven't seen that very often so I'm very
impressed by it so one my number one
priority is my marriage and So Lisa and
I talk about that but as I was just
saying she wishes I worked less she
would gladly trade in some
of our success uh for that yeah and so
we've really had to communicate
endlessly and so communication is
something we're extraordinarily good at
and then we know what each other's good
at and she will feel disconnected before
me and so I have said okay cool you're
empowered if you feel disconnected I
will listen to you right and so we won't
wait for me to feel disconnected because
that will take way too long and you'll
really be upset by that point so speak
up when you say something I will
immediately adjust my behavior so for
instance Quest ended up coming into
existence because I was so unhappy at
the company we were running before that
and she said this is now damaging our
marriage you need to do something right
and so that something was to quit long
story that ends up becoming Quest and
ends up being amazing but that was
really born out of my wife saying okay
this is damaging the marriage and me
saying hey I said if you ever said it
that I would make immediate change oh so
that's really important like you have to
know where did you learn that
skill at 14 I started having a recurring
nightmare that I was in a Loveless
marriage really at 14 I'd never been in
a relationship Lisa is the only person I
have ever said I love you to in a
romantic way stop really yes so now at
18 my dad leaves and says he's been
unhappy for 10 years right makesense so
now you can track it back oh he's
been unhappy since I was eight yeah and
so there was something that I was
picking up on that I never could have
explained to you right I was young first
of all yeah but I'm Rec amazing that
your energies of children they pick up
on their parents happiness and that it
translates into like I I had no
conscious awareness of it whatsoever so
anyway one I'm already I'm deeply
self-aware and I'm empathetic uh and so
I have this recurring nightmare so I
make a promise to myself I I'm okay
never getting married I'm not okay being
with somebody that I actually don't like
that much and so um I'm a very specific
flavor and so I learned very quickly
that I would have to pretend to be
something I wasn't around people and so
there's no mistake that Lisa happened
not long after I said I'm going to start
aggressively being myself and if people
don't like it I don't give a right
and so but coupled with I won't be in a
Loveless marriage it takes work and I
read cosmop a lot so here my mom told me
the best piece of advice I ever got
about women because this shook my entire
worldview my entire worldview fell apart
this was so foreign to me she said uh
almost is a throwaway comment you know
for women to have an orgasm they have to
trust you and I was
like what I just need a a location like
that was so trust like what could that
possibly have to do with an orgasm yeah
and so that sent me on a very detailed
quest to figure out okay women think
differently than I do but you know I one
thing I would say is I know women I
completely agree with your mom's
statement but we're almost taught that
men can disconnect emotionally from sex
I really disagree with that because if
you get a man to have sex with a woman
who looks like she's not enjoying it and
looks like she's in pain or looks like
she'd rather not be there his
fulfillment is minimal there's nothing
there whereas when he would rather take
a less attractive woman who looks like
she's having the time of her life and
looks like she adores him over an
attractive woman who looks like she
can't stand him so there is something
psychological in it for men as well if
it was just a human need and and every
hole is a goal they wouldn't read a
woman's expression so deeply I know men
that have become impotent because their
wife has expressed such disgust when
they try to be sexually active with her
and they've literally lost their ability
to erect so I do think it's equally
psychological I just think men don't
realize it's psychological because
they're so usually so uh erect and ready
to gooll but I do think it's signals
where psychological signals that
determines their sexual pleasure that is
more true than you know is that true
because what I've keep noticing I will
say that you you're interpreting that
through the mind of a woman yes and so I
will say that there uh for a guy yeah um
neutral to positive fantastic now if if
the person is really into you that's
going to be way more fun way more fun
what if she's really not into you I
couldn't do it no way there's no
Universal it would activate the
predatory fear in a man like you never
want to be feeling like a rapist so I
would imagine if she's not into that
that unfortunately much to my dismay
will not be Universal not Universal no
that is horrifying to me but do you
think that's pornography related or do
you think predates pornography yeah oh
God so here we're now in territory I
have not looked at the literature I
don't know what the real answer is but
when you think about what was war
historically it was the you had excess
men in the population who did not have
access to women there was a massive
Genny coefficient uh meaning there was a
huge discrepancy between the men that
had and the men that did not have so
there's a hypothesis that Vikings were
um a a society in which one man would
monopolize many women so you had a lot
of guys that were like well how do I get
a woman you go to war
and there was some
recent thing where like a tribe that's
still alive where they were like um when
asked why do you go to war they said oh
for women okay and they were like what
what other reason would you ever go to
like they were so confused understand it
oh wow and so that's horrifying yeah
very sad that that's a true there's even
like evidence of a particular fly that
holds down the wings of the female fly
inseminates and runs away like rape is
it's in the animal kingdom as well
doesn't justify it but it does exist but
I just wonder like um is the Advent of
porn reducing the desire to rate because
you're kind of getting access to it or
does it kind of glorify rape I don't
know I I don't watch so I don't know but
I'm I'm wondering from a man's
perspective is it cathartic and you kind
of get rid of that that's not my Kink so
that one I wouldn't be able to speak to
but um my gut instinct is porn does
sedate right and that whatever it's not
like it will keep ratcheting up
ratcheting up ratcheting up until you go
out and do something I have a feeling
although I've heard you talk about
serial killers being addicted to porn I
have a feeling that that's correlation
and absolutely not causation you have
somebody who is just they are broken
from an empathy perspective and so the
their response to porn would be very
complete objectification this person is
an inanimate object and that's why it
plays out in their sadistic sex were Ted
Bundy who I have read about cuz he
unfortunately lived where I grew up no
way yeah so uh so I learned quite a bit
about him and so that feels more like
somebody a thing in their brain is
broken I do I do agree in that sense
because in order to form an addiction to
pornography there has to be a level of
emptiness and a uh Brokenness in their
soul to lead to that escapism and then
coupled and then it might lead go on to
other poor behaviors so I don't think
it's necessarily A Cause I think it's a
pit stop on the Destiny of becoming
something evil unfortunately I don't
know that uh becoming evil yes probably
there probably is a path but this is
where I will say if we're
50% um hardwired yeah and
50% the environment that man I don't
think you become Hitler or Ted Bundy
unless the part of the 50% that's
hardwired is broken yeah there must to
be something prenatal in there yeah
because I like as somebody who's wired
for empathy like I just can't fathom I
can't fathom um do you think empathy is
the ingredient that's allowed you to be
so monogamous and not be tempted okay so
this I've thought a lot about uh no I
don't think that's the thing because if
you said to me hey she'll never find out
yeah never ever no pain yeah no way she
is never going to know like this is
guaranteed by God not going to happen
she's never going to find out doable in
this day and age yes would you cheat
hell no okay then why not yeah I think
there's two reasons one I am my brain
literally if you were to do a biopsy of
my brain I have a feeling you would find
that I have massive amounts of receptors
for vasopressin and
oxytocin the the sense of intense
bonding I get with my wife is
crazy and so I feel bad because that
means I just have a leg up like part of
why I've been able to I agree I don't
feel like it's any virtue in me I think
it's something just in me that makes it
impossible for me to um be
simultaneously with two people I don't
think it's cuz I'm virtuous or
moralistic I think I just can't be I
can't get pleasure from two people
simultaneously well now we're asking a
different question because if my wife
was like no no no be so hot have sex
okay word so uh yeah okay then that is
very different but I would never want to
be in a relationship with two people
right but men really do have a PLL for
um novel SE
a sexual enounter with who attractive
that would be Rad Rad now the only
reason I don't do that is because my
marriage is my highest priority because
that gives me way more than a bunch of
Novel sexual experiences would give me
but when I decided to propose to Lisa
one of I literally made a pros and cons
list and one of the cons was I'll never
sleep with another woman again and am I
okay with that that was not an easy like
yeah I'm okay with that I was like woo
and you were super young yeah so that
that of your testosterone that was a
sacrifice and so and that's part of why
our marriage has lasted because I've
thought a lot about what will make this
marriage worth that kind of sacrifice so
can I ask like a lot of women come to me
and I'm always a little bit and I've
asked my partner this as well and he
doesn't really given me much but some
women will come to me and say to me like
I've been my husband just doesn't crave
me anymore he just doesn't want to sleep
with me I think it's me like and all I
ever see on movies and stuff is how the
man always wants to have sex but really
I'm the one that's always initiating and
I'm the one that has to do it and I
don't know what it is why my husband
just won't initiate or won't want to be
with me sexually what do you think I
always say that maybe you're not
nurturing other needs of his outside of
the sexual relationship so I always
wonder I ask have you cooked for him
recently have you that's their foreplay
have you cooked for him have you made
sure that his you know maybe his clothes
are ready or whatever is I he thought
about his life before he has to think
about it outside of the bedroom that's
usually my answer but I could be wrong
so I was just wondering you could also
be right I could be like that that to me
is a huge part of it um also feeling
emotionally connected and I I really
really believe that men can
be of course we complicated and all of
that and the the wonderment of being in
a long lasting marriage is to go Way
Beyond the two things I'm about to say
but honestly honestly if you don't get
these two things right you are dust
right you you have to appreciate him and
all the things that he does like for
real for real and you need to exude that
if you exude appreciation you work so
hard thank you for everything you do you
make all these sacrifices you do it for
the family because I can pretty much
guarantee you that at least in the
beginning he did that and the only
reason he may no longer work with that
in his mind is because you made him feel
unappreciated and so if you appreciate
him for that huge make him feel powerful
right make him feel powerful and what
about if he's not powerful wife oh God
okay so now one of my questions I wrote
down how do you tell your wife that
she's gotten fat uh so how do you tell
your husband you's gotten weak yeah I
guess here's the thing what um I think
with both whether you tell your wife
she's gotten fat or you tell your
husband he's weak instead of
highlighting she's fat or he's weak you
highlight the time where they were the
opposite and you might say something
like I do remember the days where you
used to play rugby oh it was so you just
came across so powerful I you you should
get back into that you I loved seeing
you like that or it could be a thing
like oh bab do you remember you in that
red dress and stuff that day we met and
stuff oh you looked amazing you looked
amazing it doesn't even have to be I
want you back to that cuz some women are
so hyp sensitive but um the problem is
when they don't tell her they allow her
to become a woman they're no longer
attracted to and you have to tell your
wife and I know I get a lot of like
backlash because I get told I'm fat
shaming but here's the thing in my
experience when you gain a lot of weight
you start not like liking yourself and
when you don't like yourself you don't
want to have sex with people you don't
want your husband to see you naked you
don't want him to touch you so you end
up just being okay with having very
minimal physical contact and then you
drift apart whereas when you get when
you keep on top of yourself you're
looking forward to physically connecting
so I think it's really important to keep
on top of your body for whilst you're
married I I know there's kids I know
it's difficult but life is difficult you
just have to eat less if you can't work
out at least eat less yeah or so eating
yes unfortunately is reality but also
what you eat is extraordinarily
important are you careful with what you
I'm psychotic about this so uh going
back to part of the reason I want to do
the show is to get people to understand
you are having a biological experience
you must get sleep sunlight your diet
needs to be right and so look the
reality is men and women alike you need
to be attractive you you need to do
things to be attractive to your spouse
you can never neglect that you can't
take it for granted and by the way so
the thing I will add to what you said is
what I do is when my wife does something
that I want more of I lavish her with
praise when she does it and I learned
very early things does she do that makes
you oh my God that list is so long um
but it could be um she wears something
she knows I love and so I'm like oh man
thank you I love those pants so much oh
my God you know how much I love those
right so rather than when she wears a
shirt I don't like I'm not like H I hate
that shirt if she asked me if I liked it
I would tell her no uh to your point
about honesty but so the the list of
things that my wife does for me that I
want more of is is very long she's very
thoughtful and very just today she set
out uh I forgot to take chicken out for
myself and I had mentioned the other day
that I wanted uh more avocado in my life
and so today there was a little sticky
note with chicken thawing for me and an
AV that says I took this out for you um
and so yeah I would encourage that
behavior but but that's easy stuff the
hard stuff is for women physicality yeah
and so um with that like let's say that
she's my wife's always been so on top of
her physique but one thing that that I
do is I'm like it let's say it's she
just had her 44th birthday yeah and I'm
like hear me when I say
woman you're so hot at 44 most people
don't get women this attractive at 24
and so I want to thank you you you
didn't have to do that and most people
don't and I know that it's mostly for
yourself but I want I really appreciate
it like it really means a lot to me cuz
I know one day we all turn to a begar
wrinkles and so I've always reminded
myself to appreciate your Youth and
beauty while I have it and the fact that
you've worked so hard to extend that
like just objectively hot and attractive
as long as you have like I'm super
grateful and I even encourage women to
be grateful when their partner's
faithful and because the thing is a lot
of women will say but that's a given
we're married of course you're supposed
to be faithful but unfortunately that's
not enough course anymore it's not well
even if it is it is not wise to take it
for granted no it's never Wise It's
never wise to in fact now you have
something that's easy that you can point
to all the time and like cherish your
partner for that and be like wow it for
instance in fact I'm going to say this
to my wife later thank you uh literally
if I open my wife's phone and there was
a file that said dickpics and it was
four terabytes I'd be like wow that's
crazy I wonder how four terabytes of
dickpics got I wouldn't even think to be
weird about it because she makes me feel
yeah like I'm the center of her universe
and because I feel that in my bones it's
not just a thing she says like I feel it
in all the weird little small ways that
a person can feel it I feel it and so
what I'm really
thanking her for it thank you for making
me feel safe emotionally Like You Make
Me Feel emotionally safe and that is an
awesome feeling yes an amazing feeling
it allows you to then go on to do bigger
and better things outside of the
relationship so many people are stunted
because their partner doesn't make them
feel safe they can't progress at work
they can't fulfill their potential in
the gym they just can't fulfill their
Rel potential in other relationships
because they're stunted but once your
partner makes you feel safe and secure
you can almost go out and conquer the
world as you guys literally have gone
out and done that amazing interesting I
read a quote once that said the people
that take the biggest risks have the
most stable home life a now things like
that so a lot of people have just heard
me say that but what I did when I heard
that was I went home and I said babe I
just heard this fact and it really made
me think of us that the people that have
the most stable home lives take the
biggest risks thank you cuz this is when
she was still a housewife thank you for
doing what you do and allowing me to go
take these big risks I mean at one point
when Quest was a huge question mark and
nobody knew if it was going to work she
let us put our house up as collateral
like that's real and so because
both of us will routinely say in our
darkest moments as long as I have for me
it's her as long as I have Lisa
everything else can go wrong and I'm
good and I really mean that and because
I feel that it really does let me take
these big chances aming but going back
to what started all this you you need to
take the time to go thank SP for those
things to not take those things for
granted to really reward them for
Behavior you don't want and now if I may
light the comments on fire with rage and
anger you have to then punish the things
that you don't want how would that what
would that look like you tell me okay to
or tell me that I'm crazy yeah um do you
know what I would say it's um punishing
in things that you don't like maybe I've
never really perfected this what ends up
happening in my personal experience when
I punish what I don't like I end up
creating a new wound because I'm so
tactless with it I'm so like oh and I
can get mean and I can get brutal now do
you think it's the nature of punishment
or is it the delivery it's my insecurity
that is so projected into what I'm
saying that I it doesn't become a
fruitful conversation so what would be
something I don't like turns into I'm
going to put the relationship on the
line now and I'm going to wound you
because I feel wounded in this moment
and it's something I've gotten better at
over the years but through the partner
being so secure they kind of walk your
hand through it but it's not something I
I have ever perfected so I don't if if I
could learn from you how would you
punish what you don't like without
causing any additional wounds yeah so uh
this is one that is you have to be
extremely careful with so rule number
one if you want to quote unquote punish
because I'm known for using language
it's meant to grab people's attention
it's not like I'm being cruel or mean
cuz if you do that you are done so
number one if you want to pun a behavior
you have to have made so many depits
made them feel so loved and so secure
that when you say hey when you do that
thing I don't like that yeah and so
let's just say that your partner um
likes to drink and you don't want them
to drink anymore this is not a problem
Le and I had bisha say um I would say
hey it's your life you have to do you
the last thing I want is to be your
parent I'm not your parent I'm your
spouse
but when you're doing that thing I'm not
going to be around you so by all means
do it but just know once You' sobered up
come back we'll hang out yeah but when
your spouse cherishes quality time now
all the sudden it's like oh when I go do
this thing they have set a clear
boundary they're not mean they weren't
cruel they're not saying I'm a bad
person for doing it they're just saying
I don't like it and I don't want to be
around it um and so now it's my choice I
can go do it as much as I
but they've been very clear now I I am
doing that because I know you want time
with me and so it is a punishment right
but I'm not being a dick I'm not being
cruel and I'm not making it up I really
don't like it and I really don't want to
be around you set your boundary rather
than like it's not literal I'm punishing
is it more just I'm setting a boundary
it it is punishment it's just that
boundaries are a way to
um create a penalty for that behavior
that you don't want to see more of uh in
a way that doesn't create a wound yeah
because the thing is what you're
describing is very effective boundaries
what boundaries basically are it's not
like okay you did this by I'm never
speaking to you that's almost a
self-sabotage which is something I I
used to definitely indulging uh a
boundary is simply here's a behavior I
don't like um if you're going to
continue with it I'm going to withdraw
this particular behavior in response but
you're most welcome to be back in my
life if you can abide by this particular
Rule and so boundary is actually keep
people in your world they teach people
how to love you effectively so it's a
semi- punishment but more effectively
it's teaching your partner how to love
you properly yeah it's interesting
people are going to hate the word punish
yeah and I think they're going to
struggle in life because they don't
understand that you really are drawing
that line as a penalty but the certain
behaviors need a punishment yes and you
have to be very careful remember I'm
saying this within the context
punishment look like what would could
Lisa do to you that would look like a
punishment um what could she
withdraw it's a really good question uh
so time would be one for me for sure um
let's say that uh if I'm working too
much and she's like I'm not going to uh
enable that anymore so instead of making
sure that your food is out or whatever
you're going to have to do that yourself
and if you take time off I'll cook for
you right oh word now it's like okay
that's fair like I get so she's not
rejecting me she's not pushing me away
but she's saying hey this thing I I'll
do one up I'll make it even better but I
want to get the thing I want as well and
exchange now remember we're going to
communicate this to each other so in
fact the thing I told my wife is the
only um trick I'm ever going to play on
you is that I will always tell you what
I'm doing right now I'm telling you what
I'm doing because I know it will make it
work work better because you don't feel
like a chest piece being moved around
you don't feel like you're being
manipulated but by putting it out in the
light being completely honest with you
and doing it in a way that's smart so
it's not creating a new wound it's we
call giving the Keys of the Kingdom I'm
telling you exactly how to be successful
I'm saying when you're not doing that
thing then I'm going to make time for
you and then PS going back to the reward
side if she then stopped doing the thing
I didn't want or let's just use me so
she wants me to work less Okay cool so
let's say that she said something like
um either hey uh if you stop working
early on a Wednesday night uh I'm going
to light some candles and it's going to
be sexy time okay interesting because
now that might be something that I would
make a change in my pattern for because
I want that thing so now it's like oh
whoa right okay now you've given me like
a really cool incentive and what she's
she's being honest I want more of your
time I understand how important it is
for you to accomplish you've always said
that the marriage is more important
here's something that I think could
really Bond
that's how we talk so now and I'm s so
sorry to but my that because I deal with
people who suffer in relationships I
completely agree and I'm in a very
healthy state so I understand that would
work really well but there are people
that come to me and say when I withdraw
quality time from my partner and say you
you know I'm not going to spend time
with you or even if I withdraw
physically it doesn't shake them it
doesn't bother them in those cases I do
say that if your withdrawal doesn't seem
to affect them then unfortunately the
relationship has lost its its Bond
there's no bond left anymore it only
works when two people want what you're
when the person wants what you're
depriving them of would you say that I
would but I'll also send people back to
your earlier statement we have a duty to
one another's well-being and so the
reason that this works is when if my
wife were to say hey I need more of your
time I'm not like hey you need to get on
board like I told you I was going to
work this much I'm like whoa okay so you
feel disconnected that's why we've made
you the holder of the key so when you
tell me you need more time I'm going to
make more time and so that's the part
that I want to make sure that people are
hearing it has to be the underlying
thing because if you don't have a duty
to their well-being why are you with
them well I could answer that question
you're with them because you're getting
something advantageous out of the
relationship but to your point that that
can quickly become an egotistic I think
is the word you used that you're
satisfying an ego Drive rather than a
human flourishing drive and so this is
why again going back to values you have
to have a set of values that you live by
I live by my values especially when
they're inconvenient you know I find
your value so in line with religion so
really I'm sorry to bring it back to
that but I've you know sometimes I come
across people who are more Muslim than I
am or more religious than I am and um
and then it I I just I always admire
people who found those values
independently how did you get there okay
so I often get made fun of for something
which is that in business I was trying
to explain what makes me a good
entrepreneur and I came up with this
whole thing and I handcrafted it and I
wrote it down and I read it to my team
and my team went oh that's the
scientific method and I was like really
now you can make as much fun of me as
you want for not knowing the scientific
method I didn't study science
yeah uh or you can recognize that when
people triangulate on the same thing
from different disciplines that it
probably means you've reached base truth
and the reason that a lot of my values
probably sound like religion is because
I found values that work towards human
flourishing and if I'm right that
religion is just memes meant to lead you
to human flourishing then if if we
didn't Converge on things one of us is
almost certainly wrong but you know like
becoming so successful as a man um and
then being able to access if you wanted
to you could just go live wherever you
are and go any woman or anything like
that what made you be like that none of
that tempts me I'm good just succeeding
and not women just isn't part of because
the red pill space you're bombarded with
men that are kind of taught that the
moment you become successful you have to
have a plethora of women they have to
look like this they have to do that and
that's what makes you happy what advice
would you give to them as a a man who's
made probably double than they'll ever
ever ever make not this is not to put
anybody down but it's just it's like a
you're a freakishly successful both of
you so yeah what how do what advice
would you give to people who are from
that mind frame the only thing that
matters in life is how you feel about
yourself when you're by yourself yeah
that's going to be determined by The
evolutionary algorithms running in your
brain and the values that you choose to
adopt in your
life and I know how I want to feel mhm
and so I've built a value system that I
think will make me feel that way and I
update my values constantly when
something isn't leading me to that path
and I believe in love yeah and I believe
I believe in I use whenever I use the
word love to my wife I always capitalize
the
L
and it is the thing before which I kneel
right so I don't just mean love like
romance I mean love like when you're
vomiting or you're afraid like I
might be dying right now there's one
person you want with you and when that
person is your best friend and the
person who you trust and the person you
know will run through a wall for
you yeah life does not have anything
better to offer you yeah now if I'm
right about that thinking of that person
as your adversary someone that you need
to trick yeah is ludicrous yeah now hear
me boys when I
say I used to show up on the first date
with a custom written poem for that
person and flowers I was the caricature
MH because I really believed that's what
was going to work right and then I asked
this guy that I knew was getting laid
left right in center and he was gorgeous
by the way he's like the a model he's
the guy that I forget what they call him
Chad he was a Chad Chad he was broke but
he was a Chad back then Chads don't need
to be rich they just had perfect so he
he was a Chad yeah uh and I was like
what is the key and he said uh you have
to treat him be an I think it
was his exact quote and I I was like
this is stupid I like there's no
way this is so cliche yeah and I
know him he's not an so I was
like okay what does he actually mean and
I realized oh what he means is be
confident yeah I'm I I remember in high
school there was this girl I really
liked her a lot yeah and we would be
friends and she'd be into me we'd start
dating and then she wouldn't be into me
anymore and I remember asking her one
time why yeah and she's like when we're
just friends you're confident and when
we start dating and she probably wasn't
this eloquent but the punchline was when
we start dating you fear losing me and
you change yeah and so when he said be
an and I put it together I was
like it was like the six sense and I
played my life back to what she said and
I was like oh my God so then I was like
okay I'm going to be me and I'm I'm
never again going to have fear of loss
with a woman yeah so be you with the
willingness to walk away yeah because
here's the thing I see a lot of you know
the advice online is treat them mean
keep them keen and I know so many men
that follow that advice it's terrible
advice and the reason why it's such
terrible advice is the reality is if you
play this game of treat me and keep him
Keem you'll only attract a broken woman
a secure healthy woman is not attracted
to men who treats her mean she's
attracted to a man who has the
willingness to leave if she misbehaves
too much and I don't mean that as a
child just like 100% so you have to one
everybody out there you have to become
worthy of the person that you want to be
with so all 10 fingers pointed back at
you why do you not have the girlfriend
that you want because you've not earned
that person but then it it's not about
being an it's not about treating
the mean but you absolutely must have
enough confidence you're like this is
how I want to be treated this is how I
want to feel and hey if that if I'm not
your guy or I don't make you feel the
way you want to feel I fully respect
that and I'm going to walk away you will
be shocked if you treat somebody well
and then call them up real short
if they treat you poorly like I remember
I had a a girlfriend and um she started
pulling away from me and so I was like
okay cool I got it and so I pulled back
and she came up to me and she was like
at the time I was sing about moving to
New York long story but she comes up
she's like you didn't even tell me that
you were planning to move to New York
and I was like you made it clear that
you wanted more distance and so I'm I'm
cool with that I want you for this to be
comfortable for you but don't expect me
to lean in as you're leaning out yeah
and she was like oh damn yeah and so
super attractive yeah and the thing is
that relationship ended it was like word
like I just did not have a problem and
so if you can't like if you have
insecurity in yourself where you're like
as they're leaning away you lean in oh
my God you're going to be in for a rough
time unfortunately and this is what a
lot of men do particularly in this
generation the younger generation
they'll pick a woman with all the red
flags because she might be physically
their type so she might be posting lots
of pictures that they don't like online
she might be going out drinking a lot
and all these things and what they'll do
is take her and then try and exert their
dominance and be like you can't go out
you can't post like this but the reality
is when she knows that you don't have
the willingness to walk away she labeles
you as insecure the guy that she's
saying is insecure and the red field men
will say oh we're not insecure we're
setting boundaries no no no secure men
don't need to micromanage they leave if
they see that you're doing a behavior
that's terrible they simply leave
insecure I hope they communicate it I
hope they communicate so here's going
back to if my wife had a a four
terabytes of dickpics uh
I I'm not insecure I don't one I'm not a
jealous person by Nature so I do have
that Advantage have you ever been never
oh that's amazing very you that's I mean
maybe when I was young I don't have any
memory of ever being jealous it's not my
nature but uh it's not like it I
couldn't get in that position if I were
feeling insecure but the thing is you
want to as someone does something that
makes you feel insecure you want to
speak up yeah so my wife and I have a
rule that we speak in insecurities when
we're arguing right so when somebody
gets mad their insecurities have been
triggered of this I assure you yeah and
so now it's a game of how quickly can
you admit that you're insecure now if
you're with somebody that will weaponize
your insecurities leave yeah so my wife
and I have a rule you never and I mean
never I don't care how mad you are I
don't even care what that person does to
you my wife could have an affair with an
entire football team and I I will never
be cruel to her this is not who I want
to be I'll break up with
I will never speak to her again are you
like that in general with other people
outside of the Rel huge belief you need
to be who you are in in divorce and in
marriage there's a a quote that I heard
that I have let really uh dominate how I
am in in life not just in my marriage
but that you don't divorce the same
person that you marry right which tells
me that people um code switch and I
don't play that game right I am
who I am amazing and but again that's
all for me in general like you you don't
speak me to people like say if you're
fighting with your mom or your sister or
something like that you wouldn't be you
don't step out of line and stuff I can
be very aggressive let me be very clear
there are people who would say that I
have been mean but if you ask them to
repeat what I said you'd probably
characterize it as aggressive right
because I can be very aggressive and
what I mean by that because I'm not a
yeller I don't scream but I will boil
things down to its simplest thing and
that can often make people very
uncomfortable I'm like so you're saying
XYZ and when you unvn something you can
make people very very very uncomfortable
um but but in fights with Lisa it will
never get cruel no never literally never
because you can't come back from that
yeah true and so this is why people have
got to build these you have to build
your value system before you get into
the relationship yeah and and what
advice would you give to people who
can't who get so anxious and and they
get mean and stuff like that what do you
usually tell them that's a u problem it
definitely is a you problem because
there's nothing that can't be
communicated effectively and calmly if
you are going to hostile chances are
you've picked up a fighting system from
your parents that involved hurting that
involved going below the belt and then
you're bringing that into your
relationship and unfortunately punishing
them for a system that they didn't help
create in you so if you have that nature
try your best to work on it but also try
not to partner up with somebody who also
does that because then it turns physical
at some point yeah unfortunately that
has to be completely it does this is
people have got to decide what kind of
person do you want to be not only think
about it vaguely write it down what are
your values like Lisa told me at the
beginning of our relationship if you
ever cheat on me or beat me I'm gone
yeah and she was like hard line no
Second Chances no discussion gone and
knowing how stubborn she is that that
would be that yeah and so I'm just like
first of all I'm not drawn to either of
those but just like okay yep totally
understood yeah um but also what were
your deal breakers with her um I never
had like big things like that but
cheating would be a deal breaker if she
ever cheated on me that would be the end
of the story um would you would you say
if she hits you would you if a woman hit
you would you leave no I know and it's
unfortunate I actually recommend men to
draw line when it comes to physical
hitting interes um but they usually
don't well so here's here is um how I
would think about that so one I want to
be very thoughtful because like that
that the reason I wouldn't is I don't
have an ounce of fear with my wife yeah
if I was scared of her yeah and no
judgment if I was scared of her then it
might be very different because I would
not stay in a relationship where I was
afraid of the other person I have a lot
of men that have physically abusive
wives yeah that hit them and stuff and
let me be very clear
hit me once doesn't mean I'm going to
divorce you yeah hit me twice we have a
problem we have a problem and
it's not because we we will have talked
about that yeah and the thing is
it's not because of the pain of course
you can handle that but there's a level
of disrespect and an emotional
volatility in people that hit and um and
we almost give women a pass with it and
I can imagine once in a blue moon
something she over erupted and I can
imagine a like a pass with that but some
women do it as a form of conflict
resolution and um a lot of men don't
speak up about it but I do think that's
crazy isn't it yeah I I would never put
up with that for the emotional reason
that you are out of control yeah you're
just not ready for a relationship it's
you're just you can't regulate yourself
yeah and self-regulation is very much
that is a tenant in my life I would not
be with a woman that cannot emotionally
regulate yeah and they hit like and it's
a and it's something that's underspoken
about but it is again it's part of the
um we're we're when I talked about
narcissistic women is because we've
tilted it where women are automatic
victims and sometimes they are the
narcissist in the relationship I'll
always have women come to me for therapy
and they're saying my ex was a
narcissist and when you read her story
it might be that she was cheating on her
husband with her guy and saying that the
you know her husband's a narcissist or
the guy that she's cheating with is a
narcissist and their perception of what
a narcissist looks like is so skewed
because they're so holding on to the
idea that they're a victim in the
relationship they just want to find a
reason so I do think that if you are are
with a woman who uses that word a lot
and a woman that uses physical
aggression be mindful yeah just because
it doesn't hurt doesn't mean it's not a
deal breaker yeah yeah it's very
interesting people unfortunately people
need to pursue emotional stability one
of the things that I think has made Lisa
and I's relationship work so well is she
has a slightly more masculine
temperament than most women and I have a
slightly more feminine temperament than
most guys and so that brings us both
closer to the middle which really really
works you understand each other better
very much and we just um she is very
emotionally regulated does not swing
wildly with um her cycle and so it makes
her far more predictable for me um and
then I'm hyper communicative I'm very in
touch with my emotions I have no problem
speaking about my
insecurities uh so things like that
amazing certainly help but one thing
you've been very clear about is that
people selection is is really everything
how do we get selection right um
unfortunately and sometimes things that
are out of their control but one good
indicator is um their upbringing and
that doesn't mean it has to be perfect
but there was an element of some
stability some level of emotional
stability now when it's totally totally
chaotic unfortunately your and I always
say to men that your competition is not
other men it's her childhood if it's
totally chaotic no matter how much
stability you provide her she'll find it
very very difficult to settle into that
stable relationship but if there was of
course there's ups and down very few
people escape childhood without some
trauma but if it was on the whole she
understood that love existed and you
know connection was always there what
will happen is she'll appreciate those
things about you but when it's so
chaotic unfortunately there's so much
work to undo and if she hasn't started
it you can't finish it so I I recommend
that looking for somebody with some
level of regulation is really important
um but the other thing about selection
is recognizing your what you consider a
deal breaker if I consider sexual priscu
a deal breaker and I'm with a partner
who's really addicted to pornography
really wants to experiment so on and so
forth there's nothing no amount of love
I can give them that will change their
core needs and desires and I shouldn't
expect that I shouldn't expect him to
contort himself to fit my needs so you
look at what your deal breakers are now
if she or he is displaying them don't be
narcissistic enough to think that your
love is enough to undo it unfortunately
they're allowed to do be the person they
want to be you're allowed to be the
person you want to be but almost
watching all the red flags and going for
it anyway it's masochism you're going to
end up you know micromanaging you're
going to end up like holding them by the
throat getting them to behave when
really they should be allowed to be the
person that they showed you they were
from the beginning so selecting
according to your own deal breakers is
really
important if somebody had a bad
childhood are they just damaged good
Goods no no they're definitely not
damaged goods but one thing I would say
is we underestimate the impact
particularly but the person that comes
from the a damaged childhood they seem
to think that it's fine it's not it's
but if they recognize that they have
areas to work on and they have
abandonment wounds they are easy to be
with but if there's somebody who's in
denial about that and genuinely believe
that you're the cause of their emotional
pain unfortunately no matter what you do
that emotional pain that wound that
prates you is always going to be
inflamed and they're always going to
blame and expect you to soo them so it's
always good to be with somebody who even
if they've got a damaged childhood
recognizes that damage that then you're
onto a healthy relationship how do you
advise people to identify and deal with
their insecurities um recognize that are
you having a disproportionate reaction
to the event if for example my partner
hasn't replied to my message and I'm
starting to get really panicked and
really angry and so and so and really
hostile I'm having a disproportionate
reaction so that's an insight into
there's an insecurity there I'm making
assumptions and I'm causing myself
emotional pain so where how you
recognize it is your disproportionate
reaction and then how you cope with it
is either soothing yourself or
communicating with your partner and
letting them know that you're having a
disproportionate reaction and allowing
them to soothe you but just simply
reacting to your emotions and then
expecting and causing more chaos is only
going to exasperate your existing
insecurities unfortunately and that's
why having a healthy partner is so
important because they recognize that
you have these issues and they offer you
soothing but having an avoidant partner
will see that your insecurities as a you
problem and then just not want anything
to do with your issues and then you end
up just driving yourself insane so it's
very difficult my wife Lisa struggled
profoundly with her gut health and
experienced debilitating stomach pain so
I focused my energy on learning
everything I could about the human gut
viome is on The Cutting Edge of this
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trome.com impact and use code impact to
get the $110 off talk to me about gender
roles one of the reasons that I think um
you speak so well in this moment is that
you do have a more traditional lean
which I think makes relationships way
easier yeah um what are the roles and
how strictly should people adhere to
them if they want to be successful I
think it's just recognizing our
Evolution the reality is women were
designed one of the reasons why women
can move on quickly from heartbreak and
relationships and go from one man to
another is in evolutionary times if they
lost their partner to war or to
Predators or whatever it is they would
have to find another one even if they
shared him with another bunch of women
they would have to do that otherwise
they die so we have these instincts in
us that we can't always explain now a
woman's instinct is always to be
somewhat looked after it doesn't even
have to be Financial but just knowing
that a man looks after that could mean
did you get home safe did you um was
work okay did you get on your flight
okay just checking in women really value
that yeah that checking in whether it's
Financial investment or emotional
investment they need it in order to feel
safe for a man the nurturing is really
important for him that nurture is their
way of understanding you appreciate them
when you nurture them they take it to me
and you love and appreciate me when you
don't nurture them they take it to me
and that I'm an ATM here and no one
cares about me so they get drastic with
their responses so I would say that the
emotional Financial investment is what
women generally like to look for and the
appreciation and nurture is what men
tend to look for okay so a lot of women
are having a seizure over that right now
uh let me ask should a woman yeah submit
to a man's leadership I think that when
you meet a man who is so is such a safe
bet and so secure submission is a
natural consequence now if you refuse to
do that because you don't see like it's
just goes against everything The
Narrative you've been taught you're
depriving yourself of a really beautiful
relationship I'm not saying submit to
every man but a good man who cares about
your well-being you'd be a fool not to
submit to him you'd be a fool to argue
with him uh you'd be missing out on a
great connection simply because you want
to maintain your Independence but
Independence is
overrated give give me details on what
it means to
submit um can a woman be a fully
actualized person completely her own
woman driven boss babe and still submit
to somebody's leadership or does that
mentality break the potential
relationship it's a little bit harder I
would say that it's a little bit harder
because you get so used to your own
authority when you are independent but I
would say is delegation you might want
to have a really great career outside
and Be Your Own Boss but at home there's
certain decisions that you allow him to
lead on and you allow him to lead on
because you trust his leadership and you
don't you giving him that Authority is
because he's earned it through trust
love and Leadership you know you can
trust his author you don't need to have
a say in every single thing in life
sometimes you should just relax and if
you are that boss bab don't you want
some areas of your life where you don't
have to think and somebody else can just
lead it's good for you it's recharging
your batteries so I would say that if
you are really successful find areas
where you don't have to think it might
be when he plans a holiday when he
chooses where to live or something like
that instead of fighting that Embrace
that as a way of your off period you
don't have to think you can relax and
see it as in a positive rather than
negative
okay so how does um how does a modern
woman who is very driven very sharp yeah
uh she is working she realizes hey I'm
really good at this decision- making
thing
um why would she come home and submit to
somebody else's leadership why not just
maintain the leadership role uh because
she shouldn't be with somebody unless
she if she's really a stew at decision
making she would have chosen a partner
that she can delegate decisions to if
you're really good at decision- making
as a woman and you're really successful
and you really know your you don't
be with a man that doesn't that suggests
that there's an air a hole in your
self-esteem if you've chosen a man that
you don't truly see as effective
decision maker as yourself so if you are
all of those things then your partner
selection should have been also great so
great that there are parts that you can
just delegate and then allow him to lead
on
now are you saying that women are
hardwired because we both have the
Northstar of human flourishing yeah so
are you saying that women will flourish
more if they get with no matter how
powerful they are if they get with a man
that is they are the right person to
lead yeah in the family life I'm not
sure where youw well the thing is you if
you if you really want to flourish
choose a man that you can who can put
blindfolds on you and you trust where
he's going because uh essentially
there's going to come a time either
through kids or through age where you
Tire yourself out from being that boss
bab because you're not designed for it
we're not always designed for it it's
beautiful it's always designed for or
not designed for I think we're not fully
I I think we're not I think there's a
time where we are designed for it when
we're young and we have the energy or
when we've got potential but at some
stage in our life we get to the point
where we do we um T retire earlier and
it's again it's evolutionary we're not
actually design designed to be so driven
all the time all day every day we're
actually designed to be looked after and
kept safe so as much as you might have
all this energy now at least choose
somebody's for when you slow down and
you take your foot off the pedal he can
take the steering wheel and if you
haven't chosen that you've effectively
adopted a son that you didn't
choose interesting okay so let's keep
going down this road so um I hear you
saying that this is really just an
energy question yeah is it an energy
question or is it a hardwiring question
in that a woman who and for for the
conversation we will assume the man is
worthy you see him as uh an incredible
person so this not like you're
submitting to a bozo so you found a guy
he's a worthy leader yeah it's a word um
are you saying that no the only time you
need to submit is when you you get tired
you know go do your thing and then at
some point later down the road submit
just because you get tired of doing it
or are you saying that this is really
the result of evolution and evolution
has left women in a psychological
position where they will actually be
happier if they submit to a worthy man's
leadership yeah I think it's the latter
I think you would genuinely be happier
and you reserve more energy and fuel if
you submit to a man who's worthy of
submission from
rather than you know one day burning out
and then thinking now I want a man to
save me because I'm so exhausted and
tired and I meet girls when they turn 33
onwards they're just so tired of doing
everything themselves and they'll say to
me I am just tired of even carrying my
grocery bags from the car into the house
I'm so tired of that I know it's a more
but I just am so tired of it whereas
when if you pick somebody and you
delegate and you submit as you're going
along what will happen is you have more
energy throughout life they give you
that that's what a man should be he
shouldn't be a burden he should be
somebody that you look forward to
submitting to because you trust their
process you trust their vision and if
you haven't found that then you're going
to suffer so why would it be that
Evolution would leave women in a
situation where they don't want to have
to lead all the time they actually want
to Outsource a lot of a lot of the
decisionmaking uh to a man
why would that be what is the reward has
Evolution given them a reward or sorry
children what happens is and that's why
baby brain is a real thing women that
will say I've got baby brain what they
mean is once they become a mother their
brain is absorbed by becoming a mother
they literally start seeing their life
through the lens of their baby so
they'll walk into a room and be able to
spot the danger and say that's dangerous
so they stop being able to think about
themselves and they stop being able to
think outside of the lens of a baby so
if they don't have a man that they can
rely on they not only have to look after
the baby 24/7 but then they have to
worry about him and and they just get
overwhelmed whereas when you have that
secure man and you've submitted that you
can submit to when you go into baby Zone
it doesn't matter the the ship is still
sailing he's got everything else covered
but when you don't you then have to put
your feet on both pedals and you're
going to be overwhelmed so because we're
designed to be mothers we're designed to
have somebody that we can submit to when
we become preoccupied with the
child okay so in modern context when
women can push that off off off off off
off off um why not why submit if you
never plan to have kids um because you
still run out of energy at some stage at
some stage in our life we don't have
this we don't produce the same
endorphins and stuff at some stage or
another and also um what Joy is there
from being completely independent isn't
life more beautiful when you share it
and depend on one another we're designed
to be but I want to stay I want to stay
close to this idea of
to leadership so um for a well so let me
ask a slightly different question then
would the optimal life strategy for a
woman be to um Be Boss babe mode until
call it roughly 30 to 35 and then so be
with a guy that does what you say during
those years and then no there's going to
be a natural break somewhere in there
and or maybe I just had a series of
relationships and now at 30 to 35 I'm
going to settle down I'm going to find a
man that is worthy of submitting to and
and and I'm really submitting probably
is a word I don't like I'm translating
from them I don't like that word but I'm
going to be able to Outsource some of
the decision- making so I can focus on
my kids I think a lot of women do do
that where they be with a man that they
can control and then switch it up for a
man that they want to take control from
I think the worst thing you can do is be
with a man that you can control un even
before you have a baby even before you
have a baby because it gets get you into
the habit of seeing men as a nuisance
rather than an addition to your life
when you have a man that you can control
what happens is you end up raising him
yeah he activates your maternal Instinct
rather than your sexual Instinct so you
end up having to raise him having to
check if he's there and so on and so
forth he becomes a burden to your life
and therefore you start to glorify
singlehood whereas when you are with a
man that you don't control and he
actually helps control you you see the
Beauty in a relationship so I think when
I meet women who are with men that they
control especially in marriages they
become disrespectful to him they speak
to him badly they become a woman they
don't like whereas when they're with a
man that takes leadership they actually
remain respectful they remain kind they
remain in awe of their partner for a
long time so I don't recommend ever
being with a man that you can control
you become a woman that you don't like
unfortunately very interesting okay so
if being with a man that you can control
activates your mother
instincts what activates a woman's
sexual instincts being with a man that
removes her fears and what that what I
mean by that is physical fears like
you're scared of other people whatever
if that exists Financial fears emotional
fears when you're with a man that
removes fears and replaces it with
safety and connection and you know
mutual respect then what happens is it
activates your sexual desires you can
like your mom says you can only orgasm
when you trust so when he takes away
your fears you can develop
trust you might Wrangle this into fears
but I I believe very strongly that
there's one more piece of the equation
if you really want to activate a woman
sexually and that is you have to make
her feel beautiful yeah I agree I really
agree I I genuinely think that a lot of
women when they deny men sex it's really
because they haven't felt beautiful in
so long so they think that if you don't
find me beautiful what is the point
women again I know I keep using the word
narcissistic when it comes to women but
our sexual experience is narcissistic uh
how much we enjoy it is entirely based
with how you make us feel how beautiful
and loved you make us feel and this is
one of the reasons why I know I keep
going back to pornography I encourage
men never to watch pornography when
they're growing up when they're young
because what happens is they develop a
dysfunction erectile dysfunction and
when a remote woman doesn't feel
attractive she can never desire you
again if a man can't keep his erection
in the first couple of times if they
haven't established safety they haven't
got their loving relationship but first
couple of times you can't keep an
direction that woman cannot sexually
desire you again cuz you make her feel
so ugly in that moment even though it's
got nothing to do with you even though
it might have nothing to do you're the
man's like inability to perform may have
nothing to do with me but there's women
take it so personal so personal and
they'll never desire him again ever
whereas another man who makes her feel
like the most like a goddess she will
desire him again and again so it's in
your best interest is to not worry about
what move or what angle or whatever just
make stroke her ego in that
moment honestly man mik mic drop on that
all right that is um that's very
interesting there's no Universe in which
you don't get hate from women on some of
this stuff yeah what do they say and
with love in your heart because of
course I what do they say and then with
love in your heart what do you say back
to them um I struggle to find the love
in my heart a lot of the times if I'm
very honest but what I would say is
usually it goes straight to appearance
um appearance is usually the first go-to
and what so they don't even attack your
argument they're just like it's quicker
and easier to attack my appearance um
they'll call me ugly they'll say that
it's all makeup they'll and if they if
they don't want to say that they'll say
it's all surgery and all this nonsense
so they they'll usually go to appearance
then if they don't want to sound too
bitter because going for someone's
appearances really um it sounds a bit
too obvious then they might go for your
qualifications and they might say oh but
you know psychology is a degree
anyway and it's it's not proper
qualified it's not this it's not that so
they'll go for that and then final and
uh kind of Bas is they'll go for my um
my chasy so they'll say I bet she's a
slot I bet she's an escort so it usually
goes in that order so they either attack
you physically or academically or they
attack you sexually so want to in those
usually in that order yeah interesting
so they're not cuz what I was hoping
they were going to give a
counterargument very very rare that I
find that it's very rare that I'll find
a woman that will actually argue against
what I'm saying they'll F make it
completely personalized and this is
something I wasn't prepared for when you
go on social media when you go on social
media as like maybe an influencer or
somebody who's promoting makeup and
beauty and stuff you're very prepared
for your appearance to be judged because
you went on it for that I had zero idea
that that would be the focus so what
happens usually when I say a message
that they don't agree with it goes
straight to my appearance it goes it
bypasses the message and goes straight
to my appearance or my uh sexuality or
something along those lines and um to
kind of lower my status as a
woman wow that's very interesting okay
I'm going to try to channel what I think
would be a more effective argument some
somebody that's really going to address
the idea instead of the
I have to step outside of my own belief
system for a second so I'm going to say
what I think I'm going to steal man the
argument and then we can get into what I
actually believe uh so I want my I want
to make sure that my daughter can fully
Embrace autonomy that she learns to
think for herself that she doesn't turn
to anybody that she we don't live on the
Savannah anymore that yes there are
going to be some evolutionary winds at
your back but you don't need to be a
slave to your instincts and I want you
to become whoever you want to become and
you can become anybody there are women
that have become astronauts there are
women that have become rock stars there
are women that become Prime Ministers
and presidents and liter soldiers there
is nothing you can't do and you are as
smart as a man uh the intelligence
distribution is such that I mean I I
know the literal intelligence
distribution is such that there are more
men at the extremes so you have more
brilliant men but there are more moronic
men so you're going to be smarter than a
lot a lot of men and so like really push
yourself if you want to be a
mathematician be a mathematician if you
want to go into particle physics go into
particle physics and you'll find
somebody that you can love and you'll
find somebody that loves you and if if
they want to stay at home and take care
of the kids that is absolutely fine M
and yeah just the the greatest joy in
life is being who you really are I I
would say that but I just think
genuinely speaking I think worst case
scenario you want to be who you are but
at least pick someone that if you needed
to submit to you could even if you never
need to you might never need to pull on
that dll and you might forever be then
he's going to pull you honey in up I'm
speaking to my daughter not calling you
honey I want to make that very clear uh
my my young darling that is uh he's
going to he may steal your dream right
and you'll end up supporting his dream
and it's better to find somebody that
supports you yeah I agree I agree yeah
no I do agree because the thing is I
wouldn't be able to do what I do if I
didn't have that and so I definitely
agree that having somebody but here's
the thing I wouldn't
like what I mean by having someone you
could submit to I wouldn't submit to a
man that's suppressing my dreams and
suppressing my potential because he
obviously doesn't know me and doesn't
know my uniqueness or appreciate it so I
choose somebody I would personally
submit to when people hear the word
submit they think of a tyrannical leader
telling you what you can and can't do
what I mean by that is you choose
somebody Who You're So aligned to you
and so somebody you so respect and you
respect each other that if you needed to
BL blindfold yourself you trust him with
where to go and if you don't find that
why would you submit of course not but
when I say submit I don't just mean pick
a man and listen to him I mean have a
man that genuinely sees who you are
understands what's best for you and
therefore will guide you in the right
direction and if you need him to take
the wheel he will that's usually what I
mean by that yeah okay so now I'll see
if I can um articulate my point in a way
so normally I would be inflammatory now
cuz I find it so fun to just be blunt um
okay remember that I'm married to a
woman that I respect an incredible
amount yeah but my advice to women is I
believe there is enough evolutionary
pressure at your back um and enough
evolutionary pressure at Men's backs
that for a husband and wife to be a team
against the world and for you both to
accomplish what you want to accomplish
the following Dynamic will work best
given that 50% of you is unchangeable
and that is I think hypergamy which is
the female tendency to date across or up
is is a very real thing and that women
are very just evolutionarily you have an
algorithm in your mind that will make
you very comfortable with a man that
that is equal to you in all things or
above you but you will not be satisfied
in a relationship where the man is below
you yeah and I think
that men will be happiest because I
actually don't know what I think about
women I think I I don't yet know and
maybe as I say this out loud I'll I'll
have an opinion come to my mind men I
think will be at their best in the
relationship if they feel powerful right
and they're not going to feel powerful
if you're better than them at a lot of
traditionally masculine things leaders
being the easiest one to Peg to they
actually produce more cortisol in
relationships with women that earn more
than them or take more dominance so they
literally experience more stress uh
biologically and biochemically which
actually decreases their testosterone so
they have less sexual desire and more
stress when they're around a woman who's
more successful than them isn't that
weird it is not weird at all to me it's
fascinating but that rings so true and
there's a great quote of course said by
a man um but everything is about sex
except sex that's that's about
power
and the fascinating thing about when you
were talking about a woman will not want
to be with you if in those critical
early moments you don't get an erection
because she internalizes that as you're
not attracted to me and I remember
hearing once that women don't like um
photos of a flaccid penis but that while
they of course do not everybody
listening they do not want you to send
them dick pics of an Planet but if they
have to encounter a penis they are far
more interested in one that's erect and
so
um that's so funny yeah from from a
sexual vantage point because it means
you find me desirable right
so flip that now and for the guy if he's
not getting an erection he doesn't feel
powerful of this I assure you and
something is going wrong where his he's
in his own head as he would probably say
he's worried about something element of
it to do with the woman it could but
there could be a thousand I'll I've said
this before on I will say it again uh
the first time probably not the only
time but I will admit I am blessed cuz I
stay in shape my wife is very attractive
they're precious few times where I have
a hard time maintaining an erection but
it has happened the first time it
happened was so funny that I it wasn't
funny at the time but in the retailing
it's funny so uh poor at the time living
in an apartment with thin walls and the
guy above us we were having this really
hot steamy moment like in a random part
of the house and or apartment and we
were going at it going very well and the
guy upstairs sounds like he's dying of
emphy I mean he is just hacking up a
lung and he's just coughing and it's
that wet gross and so I'm just slowly
losing there was no music there was no
oh God it was so horrible and so that
had nothing to do with my
wife it I didn't feel powerful I'm in my
own head he sounds like he's dying it's
just really gross so yeah I was
just like oh God and so once you're in
that zone now it had nothing to do with
her
but that is when you sort of break that
spell and you're not feeling confident
you're not feeling sexy you're not
feeling powerful then it you're real
trouble um so that is there there can be
a whole host of reasons why you end up
in trouble with that so anyway getting
back to the initial thing I think that
if if for the the man and woman to work
together I don't necessarily know that
the woman needs to submit but the guy
needs to lead right and so but I I have
a real strong belief in life never ask
someone to slow down so you can lead
right which means the guy has actually
got to be the right person to lead yeah
that's it and so and this is what I hold
myself accountable into my marriage my
wife is amazing she's the best
business partner I've ever had she's
unbelievable she has an incredible
business mind which I think took us both
by surprise we were like wo you're
really good at this a and so that's been
amazing but it also made me realize yo
I've got to step up my game because I've
got to outperform and because I want to
be the right person to lead now hey
everybody Public Service Announcement
leadership is about knowing when to
follow and so there are times where my
wife is just better at that kind of
decision making and so I'll be like
you're better at this
so saying that you're the quote unquote
leader does not mean that you're an
idiot and you don't know when to listen
to the other person exactly and so a
good leader also knows when to follow
but that that really does not mean that
we lead equal percentage of the time and
I would say this in front of my wife I
would give her every opportunity to say
that I'm I'm not being honest trust me
she agrees and so my wife the thing
she's always said is I want to be as
powerful as humanly possible and I want
you be so powerful that I can be small
in your arms a and I was like homie you
get me like that's that's the juice
because if if you couldn't
authentically make me feel like that and
if I didn't authentically make you feel
like that this wouldn't work and so this
is where I have empathy for the red pill
Community all of this is
complicated it is very hard I think you
know when you shoot above your range
when it comes to a woman either you're
choosing somebody physically out of your
league or um you know intellectually out
of your league you always suffer you as
a man and I know that they they they
kind of think no no it's okay to be with
a woman that's 10 times more beautiful
than you or it's okay to be with a woman
who's more successful whatever you can
fix it unfortunately what will happen is
she will use what she has above you to
start losing respect for you sometimes
so it's always if you like you said if
you have to slow if you have to get some
people to slow down for you to lead it's
a recipe for disaster so it's always
better to just shoot within your range
to find a woman that you are naturally
able to lead rather than picking what
whoever you want and forcing her to
follow your leadership it won't work
that way just pick within your range
what I love about the way that you talk
about this is it is hyper practical yeah
and that is very much what I want for
people so I'm not saying it's good or
bad that it is this way but it is this
way it is this way if you're going to
choose a woman that's 20 times prettier
than you are handsome unfortunately
she'll feel Irreplaceable and she might
just start disrespecting you whereas
when you pick somebody on the same level
as you what will happen is you both feel
Irreplaceable to each other because you
match each other so I meet so many men
that are being abused by women and
they're staying there because she's so
beautiful but she's abusing him because
she wants she knows he's not going
anywhere he also does not respect
himself which is why he tolerates that
yeah and so that's why I just think
shoot within your range and so this the
problem with today's world is people are
losing sight of what their range is
whether that's Financial or physical
interesting why because of the
materialistic or the kind of physical
attributes of men and women are being
highlighted on social media so we think
how does it make them lose sight of
their own range though because they
think it's accessible it's far more
accessible than it is just because they
see it because they see it when we see
something we assume it's somewhat within
our range so men are seeing beautiful
women all day every day and they're
thinking it's more accessible and when
they're not getting it they're thinking
oh okay I just need to make more money
but if you have to rely on something
external to access that that means it's
not actually for you it's not actually
joined for you yeah I don't know about
that do you think so I think if I had to
you know get a few surgeries to get the
right guy for me we're not right for
each other and similarly if a man had to
make a a couple of thousands a couple of
more million to access me he himself is
not right for me yes so uh do I mean yes
here what you're saying is very complex
in that if I needed to if I really
wanted you and you would have nothing to
do with me and I go make a couple more
million and I come back and now you want
me Bad News Bears avoid avoid avoid but
if you go make a couple million
different women will now be in your
league that's just real and ladies this
is not me encouraging you to get plastic
surgery in fact I've talked my wife I my
wife used to be insecure about her nose
which she has talked openly about I love
that nose a so so um I did not
want her I would never have wanted her
to get surgery right it's not like she
was contemplating it or anything but
when she was a kid she did and when she
brought that up to me I was like oh my
God I love your nose um but if she had
gotten a nose job when she was a kid
more guys probably would have been
attracted to her right so it's like
that's real I yeah I get it but I also
think that what you're compatible with
has to be in line with your actual
self-esteem not your extrinsic value
so I do think that yes let's say for
example I get a bunch of surgery and
stuff like that sardia is still sardia
she has a level of confidence and
self-esteem that is pretty much stable
now I might end up let's say I get loads
of surgery and I end up being with I
don't know Chris Brown the reality is
the real me is incompatible with him and
I won't know how to navigate that kind
of man I'll feel insecure in his
presence I'll feel like every woman is
my competition because the next girl
with more surgery can attract him I
won't feel like I attracted him I felt
like something external attracted him
which is easily replaceable similarly if
you have to make a couple a couple of
million to get hold of that pamla
Anderson kind of woman unfortunately
what that mean is you become replaceable
all it takes is somebody else with that
money the real you and the real person
that you attract will eventually become
Irreplaceable if you use internal
ingredients to attract a
partner it's very interesting so I think
the base assumption in that that I may
not 100% agree with is or the reality is
more complicated is that if you I'll
I'll stick to the male side because
maybe I get the a little bit more
because here's the thing I couldn't be
attracted to a man who's not successful
only because the qualities it takes to
be unsuccessful in this day and age you
have to be
relatively lazy and you have to be
because there's so many opportunities to
education or to online marketing or
something like that so I don't like the
traits that keep a man unsuccessful I
like the traits of a successful man but
reality is the more a woman is
physically attracted to you the more she
makes access to her easy the more
physically attracted she is to you
access becomes easy the less attractive
to you the more barriers become
available so that's why I think that
when she's placing barriers there
there's a lack of physical attraction so
you are overcoming physical attraction
to access her and then you run the risk
of her being physically Unfaithful so
that's why I don't recommend it yeah
that's so interesting and I've heard you
say that rich men get cheated on more
than that's so interesting okay we'll
get to that in a second yeah uh so
here's to your point the reason that I
think that the reality is slightly more
complicated certainly for guys maybe for
women is that when like I I nobody
expected me to do well M my mother when
I left for college quietly assumed I was
going to fail no definitely not
so we were we were on the border between
middle class and lower middle class you
had access to education uh Public public
okay yeah yeah and you went on to
college Stell yes I did took out loans
and all that good stuff
um but I didn't have discipline and so I
think there's a you you have to have
ambition discipline and intellect
unfortunately I wish that wasn't part of
the equation but it is and if you have
those three things then you've got a
chance to be successful but nobody knows
if you can develop drive and so I had
ambition and thankfully I had intellect
that maybe hadn't fully developed yet um
but no one was sure if I would develop
drive and I didn't develop drive until
after I asked Lisa to marry me she said
yes and then I started becoming very
ashamed of myself because I was laying
in bed four to 5 hours a day while she
went to work and my only job was a make
her sandwich at lunch and half the time
I was like scrambling to have it made by
the time she got there and I wasn't
getting dressed or doing my hair and she
was mortified so anyway finally one day
I'm like oh my God I'm telling I
promised her dad I would make her rich
one day I told her I'm going to make her
rich one day and nothing I'm doing is
actually pointed in that direction and
that shame that self-loathing was enough
to get me moving then once I developed
the discipline then I was like okay now
I can do anything I want it was
absolutely incredible and so I became a
person that was worthy of her respect M
and worthy of my own respect quite
frankly and so that really made me a
different person yeah and an attractive
person yeah and so it it is a very
complicated thing because so we got
married young and this is something that
I'm sad is very uncommon
now but I don't know who I would be if I
hadn't met her and here this is another
reason why I think more traditional
roles are very useful M so when Lisa and
I got
together she was very traditional she
grew up in a traditional household her
family was Greek um her dad told her
yeah you can go study film making or
whatever you want cuz you're you're and
he didn't mean this in a derogatory way
yeah the greatest thing a woman can do
with her life is become a wife and
mother and so to honor the Gods like I I
really want that's how he thought of
you're will and mother it's the most
beautiful thing you could do it's the
greatest contribution to the world to
your family like people that denigrate
my wife doesn't have kids I don't have
kids but to denigrate motherhood is
insane yeah so anyway with love
and joy and reverence in his heart he
was thinking you will become a a mother
so enjoy your time yeah so like yeah
study whatever you want
and
that really imprinted in my wife even
though she had Big Dreams it imprinted
in my wife that being a mother and being
a wife is very honorable right and so
when we got married she thought okay you
go be successful first and then when
we're successful enough I'll Chase my
dream as
well and in that though she had to work
through me she didn't have a direct
interface to the world with ambition and
drive but she had a husband and she
could incentivize her husband in her
very powerful feminine ways and the
greatest explanation of this I've ever
heard was in My Big Fat Greek Wedding
when the woman said your H or your
father may be the head but I'm the neck
and I point him at whatever I want to
point him yeah that was my marriage yeah
and so my wife pointed me at becoming
the man that I've become and rewarded
the things she liked and I know this is
probably the dumb word to use but
punished the things that she didn't and
to earn her respect and to get that look
that look that a woman gives when she
thinks you're incredible yeah to earn
that look which is the greatest thing in
the world yeah I became who I became
yeah and it's super attractive to a
woman because here's the thing we are
attracted to men that fulfill their
potential we're always is attracted to a
man that fulfills his potential when we
see a man filled with potential and he's
not using it we naturally become less
attractive and it's one of the reasons
why I find you know the younger
generation where they make a lot of
money on crypto and they make a lot of
money quick um it's super unattractive
to women it only attracts very vacuous
women because the reality is the skills
that you need and all the failures and
the rejection and the setback um
essentially you need them to build
character when you get rich fast you
still you find these men bored in the
gym at like 4 p.m. on a on a Wednesday
uh because they don't really have a
structured life or anything like that
and they feel unfulfilled as well that
I'm I'm I would love to see long-term
studies on men that made money quickly
on crypto and in their future in terms
of their mental health I don't know how
conducive it is to them because for men
they need to be somewhat even for women
there needs to be some discomfort in
order to stimulate um your potential and
these kind of quick fixes don't do it so
I do I can that women are attracted to
money but good women are not attracted
to money they're attracted to the
process of a disciplined self-controlled
man but vacuous women are attracted to
the outcome not the process and they
just want to see you they don't care if
you're a drug dealer they don't care if
you're a crypto guide they just want to
see the lifestyle so you have to be
careful how you make your
money very interesting okay so why do
wealthy men get cheated on more um their
selection in Partners tend to be awful
now unfortunately you got very lucky you
picked a partner before you made money
but unfortunately I assure you I did not
get lucky oh you didn't no no no I wi
with my eyes wide open amazing that's
the way to do it what happens with rich
men is they tend to here here the
reality is being super super successful
um it tends to require some level of
social autism and what I mean by that is
it requires a man who's happy to
sacrifice social connections to just
work just get work done so he tends to
be a man with a small circle small like
interaction limited social skills let's
just get on with work now that kind of
guy unfortunately what happens is he
goes through most of life not really
meeting many women not really being
around them and then making money you
just access loads of really attractive
women that you didn't think you could
ever access before so what happens is
they lose their eyesight when when it
comes to her character and they focus
entirely on her appearance so they end
up attracting women who just like his
lifestyle who don't care if there's a
lot of emotional connection won't mind
that you're working 25 hours a day 8
days a week um because she's got access
to your credit card and that type of
woman is completely different to the
woman that begs you for a few days off
so she can spend more time with you so
what happens is men that have simple
jobs simple careers attract women who
like quality time men that have very
busy careers that take over their world
they attract women who just like the
perks of being with you and those women
are so emotionally disconnected to you
that cheating doesn't feel like anything
to those women whereas the women that
build with you and areally connected to
you crave quality time they don't want
that CEO lifestyle so they filter
themselves out so you end up with a pool
of women that are more likely to
cheat it's really interesting yeah th
this is why people really have got to
ask themselves the question what is
going
to need to be true for this relationship
to be worth the sacrifices and if you're
answer is sex you're in real trouble and
you have to ask yourself if your
motivation if your motivation for
becoming rich is getting more women you
have to think about the quality of women
if you couldn't access her without money
then chances are any man with money can
access her and if you yeah so if if you
can access her without money she's your
level but if it takes money to access
her you are replaceable by the next man
who's an ATM so don't do it
unfortunately we have to be realistic
with our expectations if you're a four
out of 10 guy that happens to be a
millionaire the reality is a 10 out of
10 girl is still not going to be
physically attracted to you she's still
going to just be attracted to your
lifestyle so she's more likely to still
get her physical needs met elsewhere and
the amount of women I see cheating on
their Rich husbands is unbelievable the
weird thing about this for me and it may
just be that you're right and there's a
self selection bias
for the female version of sociopathy
quite frankly because typically men
cheat because they want a novel sexual
experience and women cheat because they
want an emotional experience that
they're not getting from their spouse
yeah um but this is a totally different
thing it sounds like yeah but I Al yeah
because usually the emotional connection
is limited when a man is so busy um but
I would I say rich men have it the same
way beautiful women are more like to be
cheated on and people are always
confused by that because they'll say to
a beautiful girl that gets cheated on
they're you're so beautiful how did he
cheat on you and I always say you're the
most likely to get cheated on if you're
a beautiful woman and the reason being
is in order to you got to remember men
are terrified of women and terrified of
rejection it's not a nice feeling that
man that is able to go to that 10 out of
10 in the club or the 10 of 10 of the
street and try and approach her and try
and be with her is a man who wants women
and wants beautiful women so much but
he's he's able to forgo his risk of
rejection he really likes Beauty so that
man is always going to be attracted to
beautiful women beautiful women are a
big value to him he likes that that's a
important outcome for him in his life so
when you're with a woman who's super
beautiful chances are you've been with
other beautiful women or beauty means a
lot to you you're willing to risk
rejection for it so unfortunately what
happens to women is that shy quiet good
reserved man if she's really beautiful
he won't approach
he doesn't act he doesn't care to go
through the potential rejection to get
to her but the guy that has plenty of
women who really value sex really wants
sexual intimacy really likes beauty is
the only pool of men that come to her
and that man is more likely to be
unfaithful sexually so beautiful women
and rich men they're the most likely to
be treated
on that's really fascinating I don't
think that's what people expect so yeah
it's not I mean it's not necessarily the
case all the time but the reality is if
I see a man and he's chosen a a very
very like simple not so pretty girl that
doesn't look after herself that man has
a libido that's different to a man that
has a Playboy Bunny wife he's libido is
different he's a type of guy that's okay
with average and isn't super super
distracted by Beauty and just is sex
doesn't isn't the for for of Forefront
of his mind whereas a guy that's got the
Swedish supermodel sex means something
to him beautiful girls mean something to
him accessing beautyy is important he's
more likely to
stray so the the whole red pill movement
with um guys today feeling like they're
pulling back the curtain on how the
world really works and they're
understanding these games with women um
what do you tell them uh it's nonsense
and put it all away and it's literally a
disease that you've inserted into your
brain genuinely yeah and how do you put
it away I I've heard you say delete
you're dating apps deleting cuz here's
the thing with red pill you've got to
understand that men that are successful
with women don't actually watch red pill
content yes doesn't really appeal to
them men that have good success with
women who select women wisely who have
good healthy relationships they don't
actually watch the red Bill content that
much it's the men that suffer with women
are the ones either they've been hurt or
they suffer in general they're bad at
selection they're the ones that listen
to it so what happens is it the red pill
content exaggerates their existing fears
they usually have an underlying fear of
b or poor selection and the red pill
content will tell them exactly what to
fear how to fear and their strategy is
to avoid it but it's not actually
teaching them the skills and tools that
they need to create a good healthy
relationship it's just how to protect
yourself against the evil that is women
and so it's really dangerous to them it
actually doesn't help them overcome
their um their shortcomings it just
exaggerates them and validates them and
then makes them more fearful of women
and more weak more weak what they red
field content creates weak
men say more because what it does is it
teaches them how to select terrible
women it teaches them have lots of money
and you'll get lots of girls have a
young girl that's half your age that's
what you want these women are just there
for lifestyle of course they're going to
cheat on you it treat them mean keep
them Keen basically attract a broken
woman to have a woman with no standards
who loves lifestyle is a bimbo doesn't
intellectually challenge you that's the
woman you should be with what what is
this nonsense how are you going to
create a marriage out of that that's
what they teach them so what if you
could be the Empress of the red pill for
a year what would we be what are some of
the lectures that we would give to try
to get them back on track like they've
got a base assumption that the woman is
the enemy yeah uh that money is going to
solve your
problems if you've ever come across a
woman that's your enemy it's because
you've had low self-esteem and poor
boundaries it's never the woman yeah
never ever there are thieves everywhere
but my house has never been broken into
cuz there's a lock on the door there's
drug dealers everywhere I've never taken
one because I'm not interested in that
now if you are constantly getting played
by women you are constantly getting used
by them they're cheating on you it's
because you saw red flags and ignored
them and went forward because your low
self-esteem was driving your selection
process rather than your actual
boundaries so it's entirely and utterly
your fault there are terrible women
everywhere in the world but if you are a
man who's secure enough and willing to
walk away when you see red flags or when
you see your boundaries being crossed
enough times you will never experience
the wrath of a terrible woman you might
come across them here and there you
might get burnt here and there but
you'll never really full prey to it but
I see men whose wives have you know
stolen access to to the children don't
allow them any access taken all their
money cheated on them but I always say
to them even when they gets to that
point she didn't become this woman
yesterday she had all of the red flags
from day one and they'll say yeah yeah
it's true she used to deprive her other
ex of um seeing the children or yeah she
did used to date a billionaire and took
half of his money all of the red flags
were pre-existing they don't come
overnight you choose to ignore them oh
she was talking to her ex when we first
got together or she had a boyfriend when
we first met but I managed to steal her
she showed you who she was you chose to
ignore it you can't accept that you
chose badly and you as a man failed
yourself and now you want to believe
that they're the enemy and really the
enemy is your own low self-esteem so how
do they raise it um problem solving this
is what a man needs to do if you want to
raise your self-esteem it's very simple
you take all the problems you have in
your life whether it's Financial whether
it's with women whether it's with
connection and instead of seeking highs
like if I'm missing out on women I could
easily hire an escort and get the
feeling of a woman or I can work on the
skills I need to access good women I
problem solve avoid while avoiding highs
if I'm overweight I could easily just
you know take a few pills and lose a few
weight or get some surgery or I can
learn the skills on how to have a
healthy diet and why I use food as a
coping mechanism and get rid of that I
have to take all the problems find a
solution to them problem solve and I'll
start to respect myself far more and
once I start to realize I have the
ability to solve problems I start to
trust my own judgment a lot more and
know that if something goes wrong it's
okay I'll fix it so if if she walks away
and if she doesn't like my boundaries no
worries I'll find another one I'll be
able to do it but it's a lack of ability
to problem solve makes men feel
overwhelmed and then they seek highs
rather than solving
problems why delete dating apps um I you
know I said that but in the reality I do
understand it's very hard to be single
it's really hard to be single I know
it's super super hard to be single and
find people and meet people in an
organic way but unfortunately what
dating apps does is it polarizes you
where either you have an abundance and
illusion of options and you think
everybody's replaceable and you just
have very kind of uh minimal investment
relationships and you replace people or
you just get non-stop rejection and you
start to really suffer in the form of
low self-esteem and think the
dating apps I'm just going to go pay for
an escort either way it distorts
yourself image in some way shape or form
you either start thinking you're King of
the castle because you can get so many
girls or but really most of the girls on
there are also a bit you know lonely and
desperate and maybe on the rebound or
you start thinking you're the ugliest
man on the planet and you need to rely
on
um you know escorts or something like
that either way it damages the
self-esteem there are lots of success
stories and I don't completely forbid it
but I do think there's dangers in dating
apps so how do people today meet people
I wish I knew I wish I knew this is one
your significant other I met through
work yeah work related and stuff so mine
was all investment related so I I had
that luxury but I really wish I knew
because a lot of people come to me with
this question what is a good way to meet
people in La I don't don't know what it
would be like in LA is it bars and clubs
or I mean I wouldn't rule those out but
um that isn't where I would start people
so I would figure out because what you
were saying at the beginning is so right
you want to match somebody's values the
reason that arranged marriages as much
as I'm opposed to it um has some logic
is the somebody who's been in a marriage
raised kids cares deeply about their
kids they're going to be like okay what
are the real things that allow somebody
to be long-term successful in a marriage
and it's going to be value
values
going for people are at problem noeling
arguably the greatest skill anybody a
job and you know all of these educated
they will have pass certain hurdles and
all that stuff it's it sounds like
really boring stuff but this this is why
I like your advice it it is grounded in
reality it's actually practical okay so
um if we know that's really what people
need to be doing in order to find
somebody I would say what are your
values what are the things you like and
then put yourself in those physical
circumstances where you're going to be
around those people gym or like a could
be a gym if that's your stick but women
I would say are very weird about being
approached to the gym there's and and
look I'm I don't if you're attractive
enough all the rules go down the drain
unfortunately yeah unfortunately here
then what I will say is if you're a guy
that's gonna uh be impressive in the gym
go there cuz you want to be somewhere
you're going to be impressive in fact
I've never said that out loud but that's
true here here is this is exactly how I
got my wife I was her teacher right now
it was a school for adults be very clear
uh and I'm only three years old I was a
teacher before as well yeah it's
probably oh God in fact one of the
things I want to talk to you about make
a note on that it's a it's a good
transition isn't it going from teaching
to podcasting and stuff like that what
interesting for me there was uh like 15
years maybe almost that skill set is
useful yeah I get I get why you say that
I've never thought about that before but
I get why you say that um when yeah you
were saying you met your wife yeah yeah
so she saw me in a shared interest so
she came to learn film I was teaching
film so we both shared a deep passion
and then she saw me at my best she saw
me doing something where she was like oh
yeah and then look here's something
people hate but uh power dynamics is is
a whole thing and look I get it my wife
and I are a me too story on on a
different timeline uh the good news is
she's the only student I ever hit on
literally once you're only like three or
four years apart yeah three and a half
years apart it's not real so
um that you want to find a circumstance
like that where it's a thing like I
really enjoy this thing and it gives me
a chance to shine because you need a way
for them to see what you're good at and
what if you're not an impress impressive
person you have to become impressive or
you have to date down yes you have to
date down them are your options yeah so
my whole thing is and I know that the
black pill Community really hates the
idea of of maxing what's maxing where
you go okay I'm going to Max my looks
I'm going to Max my body I'm going to
Max my whatever uh but that is the only
thing that makes sense what do
they think you should do they just want
you and look my dearest blackpill people
I get it yeah because you can't imagine
how much it wounds my soul that I will
never be as smart as Elon Musk yeah that
that really bothers me really oh yes
that causes me no small amount of pain
and suffer the fact that you're smarter
than like probably 5 billion people
literally doesn't help really it doesn't
help not even a little bit the only
thing that comes to my rescue is
understanding the only thing that's
torture is constantly l that I'm not
going to be as smart as him so that's a
waste of time if there's something I can
do about it go do something about it and
if there's not something I can do about
it stop worrying about it it the
whole game is how you feel about
yourself and you're by yourself that's
it so if you focus on the look if I were
horribly
burned and my IQ were lower my life
would be worse there's there's no way
around that two ways unfortun and so I I
get it MH but if that were my lot
investing in how shitty it is is
stupid makes no so as somebody who my
heart the the the way I'm expressing
myself right now is because I love
people and I want to see people be happy
and I want to see them flourish and so
I'm telling you it's stupid
because it won't help you be happy it
won't help you find fulfillment so
you've got to take on the Joo willink
attitude of I'm horribly burned good
now what am I going to do with my life
because I undo it so either go become a
scientist that figures out how
to deal with horrible Burns or go be an
author and uh or develop Ready Player
one and create a world where your own
physicality matters far whatever but
sitting at home lamenting it is the only
thing that doesn't make sense it's the
so in my life I have a rule I only do
and believe that which moves me towards
my goals since my number one goal is to
feel good about myself when I'm by
myself I can't sit here and spend Cycles
worrying about the fact that I'm not
smarter than I am it is what it is so
I'm going to maximize the intelligence
that I have and I'm going to figure out
okay if we can all get 100 times better
literally everybody the guy with a 98 IQ
can still get 100 times better because
that's what the human brain does is it
grows and adapts but you have to apply
yourself so what would you say to men
that are like not taking care of their
way or just not investing in themselves
do they just have to should they just
accept that they have to date down
because what I find with my clients that
have not taken care of their appearance
that have not kind of reached their
potential what they end up doing is
maybe marrying somebody that's in
Thailand or living in the Philippines
who needs a Visa who needs somebody to
kind of save her and her family and
that's where they feel impressive so
instead of maxing like out their
potential they just go find somebody
more dire that they can look impressive
in front of do you think that's a
strategy they can use if it works but it
feels like a very fragile strategy
usually doesn't work but that's what
they think would work do you think in
the meantime that gives them a false
sense of self-esteem if it gives them
uh I I don't know that it gives them a
false sense of self-esteem you're
actually able to help somebody and that
is amazing the problem is once you've
help them then they're going to be like
rad thanks bye but yeah here's the
problem they think it will be in
exchange for emotional intimacy and you
can't actually buy emotional intimacy
you can do everything else but you
cannot buy emotional intimacy from a
woman so though it makes them feel like
a superhero they're expecting her to be
genuinely in love with him and genuinely
appreciate him when really he's her he's
her he's her like kind of Obamacare plan
so unfortunately it doesn't work that
way and they suffer in the form of lower
self-esteem on the other end but it's
something in the moment they can't help
because it helps and that's why I see a
lot of these passport throws have you
heard of that concept it's men uh who
give up on women in America so they take
their and they'll go find a 90day fiance
elsewhere so that phenomenon I think
breaks into different categories so what
you're describing I hadn't heard about I
didn't know that's a thing I would
definitely uh while I think when you
help somebody that is real if you're
expecting that to lead to sex and a real
relationship it's not going to um yes I
think you need to date within your
sexual market value so you need to be
honest with yourself one thing I've
always prided myself on I don't lie to
myself and so um that that has rewarded
me richly largely like as I got rich I
did not even think about trying to find
another woman I was like dude sharing a
life with somebody is the bomb and if
somebody is with me for my money and
they're super hot they're going to be
like I mean you've been talking about
this they're they're going to be with me
not because they're attracted to me but
because what drives you if you don't you
know you're in a monogamous relationship
you're praise be to God I mean I don't
know if your viewers have ever seen your
but it's
unbelievable um and so what drives I was
asking Lisa this as well what drives you
you guys are literally doing so
incredible but you haven't slowed down
when what what is it that keeps you
meaning and purpose is the only thing
that matters amazing meaning and purpose
giv you a legacy or something I don't
think about Legacy CU I'm not having
kids and once I die that's it I I will
be completely unaware of anything I
cannot as I think it Marcus relia said
you can't enjoy your posture Mis Fame so
even if
I'm able to do something that lasts
Beyond me I won't know I'm dead
yeah you've accepted mortality you don't
need to live beyond it% so I just know
that life is about a neurochemical state
and you're doing everything you can to
be fulfilled and so I learned very early
on that the only way to be fulfilled is
to work your ass off to gain a set of
skills that allows you to serve not only
yourself but other people in a way that
you find exciting right and so that
that's it we we started the for that
reason but uh I could see myself at some
point saying H this is too much I don't
want to work this much anymore um and so
I've already worked out like what you
would ever change your mind on kids or
you think no um at this point I don't so
first let me Define how I feel about
kids and by the way for listeners
listening closely there's an open loop
cuz I said that there were two things uh
that that could be the passport bro
thing so I will try to remember to come
back to that would I ever Chang my mind
on kids the thing that I actually think
about kids I really want kids like I
really want kids I could write you poems
that would make you convinced that I've
had kids wow now the reason I can do
that is because I big brothered for a
kid for eight and a half years right and
so I know what it's like to have
somebody love you and you love them back
and uh there was a moment where he
begged me to basically be his father and
to take him on now unfortunately I did
not know he was being abused and so I
was like man I'm so young young bro I'm
like I'm not ready to be a dad anyway so
I I know that experience maybe more
intimately than people give me credit
for um and but it's also part of why I
don't want kids so the only thing I want
more than to have kids is to not have
kids right and one of the things I want
to talk to you about
is I have a real fear the only
thing this is going to be controversial
the only thing that makes a relationship
worth it to me because it is a sacrifice
and constant compromise and constantly
dealing with the way that women look at
the world which sometimes drives me
crazy and I know that the way
that men view the world dri Lisa crazy I
totally get it um but it it it is just a
big ball of compromise yeah the only
thing that makes it worth it is to be
somebody's number one and when a woman
has kids M your number whatever how many
kids she has so if she got three kids
You're Number Four
and do you think that might have to do
with your childhood and your dad feeling
miserable after a while it must but I
don't have process it in that direction
that's not how it felt growing up like
when my dad left I was super surprised I
did admittedly over time realize oh
that's why I having those dreams about a
Loveless marriage but from the kids
perspective did your mom prior did your
mom prioritize you guys no so my mom was
an awesome mom I can't stress that
enough she's here right now yeah I have
a great relationship with both my
parents my mom was amazing exactly what
I needed exactly the reason I think I'm
so capable of dealing with relationships
she's why I didn't do drugs or alcohol
ah like I I have no complaints about how
I was raised um
but
it when I think about the way that what
my mom said to me it always made a lot
of sense which is you kids I'm raising
you to leave us one day and you should
leave us one day but that means I have
to prioritize your dad okay so and I was
always like word right like that made a
lot of sense to me okay so the only
thing I'm curious about is what is it
that makes you um want to prioritize
your marriage so much so that it would
outrun your love for becoming a father
because that's hypothetical right and my
wife is real and I did the reality of
having kids you don't have kids yet no
okay so uh I'll say this more for
to husb H uh that one day his child is
going to recount to him a 30second Tik
Tok video and it's going to take him 9
minutes to tell him about the 30 second
video and he's going to beg your child
to stop explaining it to him and he's
going to keep going because he doesn't
have a prefrontal cortex and he can't
help himself and maybe your husband
finds that cute and endearing I wanted
to chew through plate glass it might be
because it wasn't your biological child
it's possible yeah but it's also
possible that that is just
obnoxious and there's a reason that dads
especially will continue to lean into
work the way I would want to contribute
to the family um is I would want to work
and build and
provide I don't find myself I'm not a
good caretaker I don't enjoy caretaking
at all yeah well the only reason I say
is very rare that I come across couples
that I feel are such a healthy example
to children and um and I mentioned this
to Lisa as well and it's so even just
from watching you guys online um I just
thought what if they if you two had
children that would be one of the
luckiest children in the world that's
very kind of you and I'm super honored I
genuinely believe you would be fantastic
and I I think I would I think we'd smash
it yeah I've never seen people so
respectful of each other so respectful
of their guests um creates such a
beautiful world and you know I would be
your child just to anyone would be and I
just remember watching an interview of
you guys I think you were talking about
resolving conflict and I just thought in
a world where the worst people on the
planet are recreating wouldn't it be
such a beautiful world of people like
this had children all the time yes and
so I I actually now you're on to where
I'm conflicted yeah because I worry that
we're headed for and this is going to
sound crazy to um people that are
passionate about the environment yeah
but I worry that we're headed to
population collapse and that our problem
is not going to be overpopulation it is
going to be dramatically
underpopulated uh you just have to look
at the math the math is there we we are
going to be underpopulated for sure uh
and so that really scares me and so now
when I meet parents I thank them for
their service yeah yeah because I am
very grateful yeah I know I I genu and
and this is not to be like you know tell
anybody what to do but it's just very
when you see a beautiful marriage
um the psychologist in you is just like
oh my God imagine if how lucky the child
would be oh my God and so that's my
natur and plus with my you know ethnic
background I naturally kind of we think
kids is everything um but no it's a very
conscious decision on your end isn't
there is no nothing baring so I was
always just curious but you've explained
it really well I completely understand
and in my experience of working with
couples that don't have kids they tend
to have a very magical marriage uh that
they because the only thing that will
forego the desire to have children is if
you have a connection that's worth it so
that's usually what I tend to
find yeah and I have to say like my wife
is awesome a and I'm
obsessed so that doesn't help from that
perspective yeah completely understand
but here's the thing I I want people to
hear me what we're doing is a very
dangerous strategy and I actually don't
advise it right and there are days where
the thought of being a father really
pulls at me yeah and there are more days
where I'm glad I don't have them but we
knew that going into why you think it's
a dangerous strategy because I think we
are products of evolution and evolution
wants one thing and one thing only from
you and that is that you have kids that
survive long enough to have kids and so
fulfillment if I'm right that that
really is the name of the game the most
ready-made path to fulfillment is kids
yeah they are they're amazing and you
know I understand and usually I don't
recommend them especially when the
relationship is chaotic and stuff uh
because with the wrong person they can
be a life sentence yeah and I've seen
people's lives and I've I've spoken to
so many women who say no matter how much
I love my child I love him to bits but
when you have it with the wrong person I
promise you you regret every single day
because it's your life you feel like
you're trapped so it's it's a risk
either way I guess it's a risk either
way but we are living in a world where
there definitely will be more and more
people that choose not to have children
as we as we get older it is scary and
it's usually the sensible people that
choose not to have children that's the
scary part it's always the successful
intelligent success like sensible people
who opt out of it and it's more The
Reckless people who opt in so this is
this kind of the really bad news is the
more you educate women the fewer kids
are born oh yeah that's true that's very
true those are just facts I wonder what
the correlation is with that that's very
easy do you think that from an
evolutionary perspective you had no
other option basically there was no
birth control so if you wanted the
protection of a man like even just
forget romance for a second if you
wanted to be protected in times where
that was a real thing which is
the vast majority of our evolutionary
history uh you were going to have sex
yeah and if you had sex the odds of you
getting pregnant were virtually 100%
yeah so it wasn't an option yeah but
women have incred minds and so when
they're educated they respond the same
way a GU does this incredible I
love this there's so many options so
many things that fascinate me so many
things I want to try I want to see if
I'm good at this and so when you do that
and Society gets safer now instead of
having six kids they have one right and
so even if they still become a mother
they don't become a mother of six or 12
they become a mother of one right and so
now if if a couple only has one child
the population will be cut in half crazy
yeah so it's not like nobody's having
kids it's that you to hold steady I
think the numberers like 2.3 every
couple of us have 2.3 kids because of
mortality so it's like you can't
around and yet so we're literally we're
literally decreasing the population
rapidly so we'll go up to something like
9.7 think homosexuality has a has a role
to play I don't think so I worry hey
let's open a crazy can of worms um I
have a feeling this is just a hunch it's
a hypothesis I do not have the data on
this I could be totally wrong and no
worries if I am um
but something is going on that's
disrupting our endocrine system I have a
feeling that it's microplastics and
other environmental
toxins
and that's really causing some strange
effects the effeminization of men the
masculinization of women um and it's so
visceral in America it's like you know a
maybe it's just an LA thing maybe but
when um whenever I'm in America the men
are almost androgynous and it's so
different to anywhere else in the world
so I don't know if I I'm not really much
of a conspiracy theorist but it just
doesn't seem typical and I don't know if
it's just in big cities or whatever it
is but there does seem to be a shift and
I don't know if that's socially
conditioned I don't know if it's because
we're exposing people to more choices
and you know exposing to more sexual
pleasure but it does seem different
there it okay again now I'm talking
about an idea that I have not researched
so I will merely explain how I approach
the problem uh looking at it it's almost
certainly going to be multifactorial
it's going to be a lot of things but
I've had enough Health guests on the
show to know our endocrine systems are
being disrupted nobody debates that
something is going on so can you
biologically change people's sexual
orientation oo that I'm not speaking to
all all I'm saying is that there is
something that the androgynous Vibe is
some percentage could be 1% could be 99%
I have no idea some percentage of the
equation is going to be when you disrupt
the endocrine system you're going to get
unexpected results in terms of sexuality
sexual preference etc etc
um it's way too early for anybody
especially myself to say what that is
cultural will also certainly be a
component it is utterly fascinating how
much flexibility there is especially in
uh female sexuality from what little
literature I have looked at females do
seem to have an easier time um being
bisexual than men and so there's some
pretty there's a do do you think that
might be linked to the fact that we
believe that men are more forgiving of
bisexuality or more encouraging women
you mean yeah or more encouraging like I
know that as a woman if you tell a man
you're bisexual it's almost encouraged
but if you tell a woman that you are
bisexual man it's automatically
discouraged or at least she loses
attraction so do you think the
flexibility comes from the Forgiveness
of men or the encouragement of men okay
can I just completely derail and I'm
asking the audience as much as you so
please everybody understand that I've
asked evolutionary biologists this
question and nobody knows so I am
speculating I'm speculating having read
a lot of books on the topic uh okay so
here it goes the question I want
everyone to ask themselves ask yourself
this why on God's green earth is the
clitorus on the outside okay that
doesn't make any sense right for
you if if I'm right and all Evolution
cares about is that you have a child
that lives long enough to have a child
then women should want nice deep
penetration because the reason why a man
thrusts deeply at orgasm is so that the
ejaculate is as close to the cervix as
humanly possible so the sperm has to
travel the least amount of distance but
you put the pleasure button for a woman
on the outside what the like that
is the weirdest thing I can possibly
think of okay so then you have to why
would this be okay look at the animal
kingdom again I know I'm speculating I
know I'm way out over my skis here but
this is so interesting to me okay if you
look at bonobos who are one of our
closest relatives they will use
female-to-female genital contact as a
way of mending relationships right of
bonding women to women now if women are
literally biologically gifted in all the
ways you would need to be gifted in
order to care for an infant from being
able to feed them from their body that's
crazy uh 15% of women have a
fourth photo receptor
which me
colors one hypothesis is that allow to
changes inin tone of their child to see
if they're sick distressed whatever uh
their their ability to pick up on
emotions non-verbal cues they just
outscore men left right and
Center so if the clitorus is on the
outside is a way to allow women to bond
to men broken fences in order to have
additional care for the young so that
they'll team up and they'll look after
the infants together you can understand
then why the infant would be more likely
to survive longer now I've asked that
question directly to evolutionary
biologists and they're like maybe
there's absolutely no data to back that
up right but that to me just makes all
the sense in the world so now you get to
one from a guy's perspective if I can
convince two women to be together and
allow me into the mix now I have access
to two females obviously much better
from uh evolutionary perspective if I
can resources and so now it actually
makes sense for women to come to me and
nature does not give a if one guy
populates a thousand babies 10,000
babies I mean look at gangas Khan or but
wouldn't the women compete for the
resources compared to a monogamous man
uh women
will a guy will only be able to
monopolize as many women as they can
give resources to is that what you're
asking yeah I'm just wondering if if
evolutionary encourag two women to be
with one man wouldn't they and maybe
almost be bisexual and just kind of make
it easier would they still not be a
source of enity regarding the resources
well so yes
undoubtedly and that's why if the
cliturus is on the outside then women
potentially I'm making this up I have no
idea correct and so now women have a way
to leverage oxytocin and vasopressin
that happens when you orgasm they have
access to that
without needing a penis okay now again I
I I am this is just a hypothesis but man
I've really tried to invalidate this and
it just there's so many things that are
like huh it could be could it be that
sometimes um the reason for the clitorus
to be on the outside is because during
menstrual cycles um they can't really
get pregnant through penetration anyway
so there might as well be a way to
Outsource pleasure without you know re
needing it's certainly possible I and I
have no data to say making this up I'm
just curious personal experience women
tend to be turned off when they're on
their period that they don't want people
near them that they would rather eh
let's wait so my gut instinct is they're
not like encouraging sexual contact of
any kind at that point again guess not
stab in a
dark yeah yeah it's good to kind of
stimulate I've never thought about that
before though I think about that
endlessly I wonder why like I just still
find it so curious that uh I see one
thing I find really interesting about
this whole homosexuality debate is um
women will invite other women into the
relationship and they'll be bisexual or
they'll kiss another woman or sleep with
another woman and their man is okay with
it but when they sleep with another man
it's cheating but if we are saying love
is love and gay rights are as equal to
hum like straight rights wouldn't it be
just as a if they cheated with the same
seex partner absolutely not why it it
would be for a woman because a woman is
going to so again I'm talking in
generalities none of this is universally
true this is just sort of directionally
correct but if if what women have the
most anx because I've heard you say this
not like they're going to be thrilled
that you went out and cheated but for a
woman emotional infidelity is going to
be way more problematic than from an
evolutionary perspective as well correct
that's only what I'm talking about
whereas for a guy sexual infidelity is
the only problem like if if Lisa came
home and was like I went out uh with
this guy and we've been talking and
you've been working so much and we just
really connected now if she said she was
in love that that would really grip me
in a rough way but if she was like and
you know we've been flirting and um just
being really emotionally connected to
each other other uh but we haven't slept
together can can we work on it be like
of course but if she was like I slept
with them i' be like peace but the thing
is I understand from an evolution
perspective why a man would be less
jealous if their woman was with another
woman um and almost encourage that kind
of in a threesome environment or
whatever it is um but from a woke
perspective if we're saying it's all
equal and you know homosexual
relationships and heterosexual
relationships are identical wouldn't it
be equally defensive I don't think the
woke perspective is grounded in reality
right okay so um he my quick take on the
woke
perspective uh is that there is ground
truth but it's hard to assertain yeah
and the way to figure out what is
literally true is to make a
prediction figure out how you can test
that prediction run that test and if
that thing works out then you're close
to ground truth and so when you think of
your brain as a prediction engine
anytime where you predict something and
then you try it and it doesn't work it
should tell you you were wrong about
something there's some part of your Bas
assumption St correct and so the fact
that it
isn't as offensive that most look if my
wife is having an emotional affair with
a woman and I don't know about it I'm
not going to love that I'm just saying I
can get over it in a way that I would
have a very hard time like Nature has
ensured a level like I said I'm not a
jealous person if my wife came back and
said she slept with somebody else that
would really with me that would
really with me and if she oh God
let me wind myself up here for a second
if she came back and was like he was so
strong yeah and just he's he's 66
jacked and just a schlong you
need a wheelbarrow for I'd be like
that's tough yeah I would have a very
hard time with that because that
triggers all the things that Evolution
has told me to worry about right okay
and so yeah if if she perceived him as
more power cure just do they just
suppress the evolutionary kind of no I
think that that um so this stuff gets
complicated enough so woke culture I
believe this is my sort of Layman's
analysis uh I think the more it studied
the more people are going to find It's a
combination of two things it's a
combination of um real compassion MH of
really wanting
nobody left behind everybody loved
honored and respected and no matter what
you want to be that you can be that and
that they want to see you be be whoever
you want to be and that they're not
going to judge you and in fact they're
they want to reflect back to you how
much they love you and that they want to
embrace that so the world breaks into
right and left for a pretty interesting
reason which is that a tribe needs both
uh people that stand up for personal
responsibility and people that stand up
for compassion if you only have
compassionate people then you will get
people that abuse that system because
they can Free Ride uh if you only have
personal responsibility then there's no
compassion and obviously that's not
going to be good either so it's what I
call pathology on both sides so you you
need the tension between the two groups
so that's one part and then the other
part is what nii called the will to
power right and so people want to be in
control right and if for no other reason
than they want to control their own life
their own destiny um and they see that
it's What's called the sneaky
strategy so in the animal kingdom there
are animals that will pretend like
physiologically they look feminine so
they can get past the dominant male
because the dominant male doesn't
recognize them as
male competition correct and so then
they sneakily like hey actually I'm a
guy and then they mate and no way that
actually exists in the yeah so I have a
feeling that's all of that sort of
it starts with something really
beautiful and then something not so
beautiful the absence of God means that
people Scramble for uh popular ideals
and try and identify or over identify
with them as a way of virtue sickling
well virtu signaling is is very much a
thing everyone is going to kneel before
something uh and some of woke ideology
probably does become kneeling before
compassion and and so there's a really
interesting idea that Jordan Peterson is
playing with which I find really really
interesting that all of us go through a
Messianic complex where we need and this
is one of my primary drivers I need
to serve the world in some way right
that is how I feel good about myself
that I work really hard to get a set of
skills that allow me to serve not only
myself but other people and so if we all
have that desire to like I want to help
the world you're going to gravitate
towards things that are easy and one of
the easy ways to feel like you've done
that is to um figure out what is
virtuous point out people that aren't
virtuous and simply attack them so
rather than actually go do something
hard to serve people you just be the
person that points at other people and
says you're not virtuous I found a lot
of feminism was that growing up in
London and in the UK where I didn't see
oppression towards women if anything I
only found hostility Between Women
rather than between men and women and I
found that the quickest and easiest way
to show that you have a fight and you're
involved in making the world a better
place is to claim you're a feminist and
claim that you are out there to stop men
oppressing women but in my personal
experience what I kept experiencing is
women oppressing other women
particularly at work so I found um
interesting why particularly at work um
maybe it was my personal experience but
what I found working with women um in in
the UK and working with British women in
general is there was a level of wanting
to put being very good friends with
women until you feel like they might
surpass you and particularly in your
work environment and I found that they
would encourage men more than they would
encourage women in a teaching
environment so if they have a male
colleague they'll kind of encourage him
towards uh promotion but they wouldn't
encourage women I remember walking into
interviews and if I would see a panel of
women I would automatically know I'm not
getting the job and I would i' walk out
walk out and just think there's no point
where if I would see a man woman a man I
go okay I stand a chance and I would go
in with and I always found having a
female boss was torturous I always every
job I worked in if I had a female um
boss it was a matter of time before I
felt bullied out of it I only felt it
from women and I don't know if that's a
gender thing or if that's an appearance
thing or if that is just an age thing
cuz I was younger then I don't know what
the confounding variable was but it kept
me a bit uh suspicious of the feminist
movement cuz I couldn't understand why
the enemy was men when it felt like the
en enemy was within interesting okay
let's start teasing this idea apart um
is it possible that the anecdotal thing
experiences that you've had aren't
necessarily uh they don't absolve men so
we can set aside that men may still be
evil and problematic which we will
address yeah but well in in the
reseearch and I please feel free to
Google but I felt like I think I read a
study that suggested that 80% of women
felt like they had hostility from other
women at work to yeah that
up never at work yeah and I don't know
it could just be a TED Talk that I
listened to and I just absorbed it
because I felt like that um but I felt
like um there was a lot of hostility
within women rather than between the
genders and I always felt like is it
possible you think this cuz you're
attractive um potentially without
realizing don't know what the world
looks like when you are not a threat to
any woman I don't know what the world if
I'm being honest and it sounds very very
conceited but women see threats in women
and not necessarily because she's
beautiful it might just simply because
she wears a bit of makeup and wears a
few heels and whatever it is so I felt
like I didn't know whether it was a
personal thing or whether it's just
women Between Women I didn't know how to
understand it but what I did know is men
were never the enemy and have never been
the enemy and even and this is why I
love Lisa so much even when I do
podcasts um I tend to
when aside from Lisa because she's so
well established and so secure in
herself but generally male podcast host
tends to be more encouraging and tends
to be very proud of my progress I don't
feel the same outside of that so I it
could be my personal experience so I
don't want to talk for everybody but
that's why I was so skeptical about the
feminist movement wow that's really
interesting all right let's see what we
have here research suggests that women
actually play a significant role in
perpetuating the gender gap due to the
concept known as female hostility I
genuinely never went for a promotion
when I would know that there was females
on the panel I would never go for it
whereas if it was men on the panel I'd
be like let me try my luck let me wear
something tight and try my luck okay so
what is feminism as a movement from my
personal perspective I can't talk
objectively from my personalist
perspective it feels like the most
privileged members of female history
claiming to be oppressed which I can't
see why in throughout female history NE
historically we've never had it easier
we've never had it so beneficial we've
never been so benefited so to see these
women and I still believe that we are
beneficial to men in so many ways like
personally I know if I got stopped by
the police and somebody like my brother
got stopped by the police for the same
crime I I guarantee you I would leave
with a smile and a thank you and I would
leave I safely so I know I'm privileged
superiorly to most men in most
circumstances I know I can speak a boss
in a way that probably a man couldn't I
know I could speak to a police officer
in a way that other men couldn't I feel
incredibly privileged as a woman and
therefore I don't understand the
movement so it confuses me but and I
don't know if it's because my skin is so
light I don't know if it's because of
some element of you know but even if
it's that then that would be racism not
but that's why I don't believe I don't
believe there is a gender issue I still
believe like my dad with an accent and
brown skin would have a disadvantage
against a English white woman in a job
environment I don't think he has a
superior chances of getting a promotion
just because he's a man I think if
anything she has it so that's why I
never understood it okay so now let's uh
let me try to steal man the argument on
the other
side women have only been in the
workforce for whatever 50 60 years um
there's so much historical Legacy of
sexism I mean you guys had to literally
throw yourself in front of horses and
just to get the right to vote uh
that's a real story by the way I think
she even died crazy Emily something yeah
so absolute bananas that the sort of
default stance was of course you can't
vote yeah um and even Winston Churchill
who I think is phenomenal at first was
like yeah of women shouldn't be allowed
to vote
obviously one thing I always say to that
when people tell me that is at a time
where white women couldn't vote they
could still own black
slaves that's horrifying let's say for
example I'm a white woman who couldn't
vote I could still own a black man as a
slave so do men have an advantage a
black woman so that feels like a black
problem not a male female problem then
does it show me that women had it bad if
it if it really was a gender thing
wouldn't it just be men above women but
what's really going on is that there was
a class system issues so the reality is
if I'm a woman I was claiming I was so
oppressed in 1920
I could still get a black man arrested
and lynched for whistling at me okay so
you're saying the breakdown the
problematic breakdown is not along
gender lines there's a problematic
breakdown along race lines way deeper
than that yeah it's way it's probably
more money than it and is anything else
in the reality of things money is the
real uh division between people I don't
think it's gender related there's some
race to it but I still believe that as a
woman of color if I earn a certain
amount I would have same or more more
privileged than a white woman who earned
nothing so I would still say it's money
related but I don't think it's gender
related I really don't think it is it
makes no sense to me that a woman would
complain about not being able to vote
but she would have a monopoly over a men
of color at the time so wasn't so much
gender in my mind I could be wrong if we
can remove any of the confounding
variables that would certainly make it
easier so if we just talk about the
things that you hear uh the gender pay
Gap comes up a lot M uh women being
expected to be at home women having a
harder time uh getting promoted at
work uh do you have any stats well what
what would make me feel like a little
bit what I would try and understand
there is when I see women not getting
paid as much I have to remember in from
what I see is women once they have
children choose part-time roles more
than men choose to be part-time after
children so like that it makes promotion
on a more logical stance less realistic
it's just less realistic that I'm going
to pay you to do a promoted role when
three days out of the week you're not
there so it doesn't seem like it's
gender related it's circumstantial I
don't think we're victims because we're
women I think our biology and our
evolutionary pressures direct us in a
way that make us less proficient at me
in certain workforces but it's not
because we're of a agender it's because
of our biological pressures and our
personal choices so that what I
experienced um from my work I could be
wrong but I think the stats would
suggest that women um probably would uh
choose to be part-time after kids far
more than men
would yeah that that I I think the data
will bear that out but admittedly just
don't think why we why we're creating
that Division I don't understand it I
think if we looked at it historically
everybody suffered at some stage or not
yeah and and it would usually be the
people who would Escape suffering tend
to be the ones with money not
necessarily men or not necessarily just
white people it would be people with
money and so that's why I try not to go
down the Gender Road and the whole idea
of feminism and stuff even though I get
so many messages and I'm very grateful
for women who are like oh you're
inspiring and I'm like e but you need to
be careful because I'm not a feminist
I'm going to offend you at some point so
they're going to hate me so I always try
and take it with a pinch of salt because
I know the moment I talk about feminism
all of that strength that they love
hearing me talk about when it comes to
Red Pill goes straight to anger
resentment when I talk about feminism
which is why I almost feel like maybe I
am gender neutral maybe I am a they them
because I tend to be quite balanced and
neutral I try to be but is that
offensive what I'm saying I know it
might be taken as such but I don't mean
it in an offensive way um I am not I'm
not at all offended to me these things
are empirical questions that have data
that backs them up uh and so looking at
that um seems self-evident so uh to
address one part of this which is the
gender pay Gap um which Thomas Soul has
spoken very eloquently to and he said if
you compare um it's basically women that
have never had kids versus everybody
else yeah and so women that have never
had kids if I'm not mistaken end up
outperforming I would imagine uh men and
that really it's a mother you can think
of it as a mother tax I imagine now I
would think from an evolutionary
perspective that women would feel pretty
good with chice about I want to go home
and time with my kids um so that one
doesn't seem super surprising to me and
I always come at it from from a just
pure entrepreneur standpoint and I'm
like I could not care less if the person
is a woman right so but if you leave
which I've never had a guy leave when he
had a kid yeah but I've had women yeah
many women many because they have kids
and God bless them like go do your thing
I'm very happy for But the irony is I'll
have women hey I'm you know I've gotten
pregnant I'm going to be taking leave
amazing I'm so excited for you and
they're like but I'm definitely coming
back and I'm always like hey everybody
says that you're going to want to wait
until you actually hold that kid in your
arms and then make your life decision
it's a beautiful decision to make thank
you for your service I'm captain thank
you for your service guy you know it's a
beautiful decision to make but the then
the agony about the gender pay gaps
makes no sense like you I I I know so
many women who the moment they have a
child every all their career doesn't
mean as much to them so when they fight
about feminism and gender pay gaps and
stuff like that it feels like an empty
fight it feels like a self-inflicted
wound that they're trying to cover up
but what is it fighting for like maybe
I've just got it wrong because I've
always been anti- feminism but maybe
I've misunderstood it because I've just
my personal experience and also I'm very
biased I have a bunch of sisters that
I'm not close to so I grew up with a
negativity towards women so maybe that's
what made me less sympathetic to their
causes so maybe I'm missing something
well Lisa I think and I don't want to
get her in trouble here speaking on her
behalf but the way that she's always
seen this is um she is a strong
independent woman earns her own money
does her own thing and her take is
anything that's anti-men I am 100%
opposed to just as I'm opposed to
anything that's anti- women um we are
partners and if like my whole thing is
the
whoever the the world is made up of men
and
women come together yeah celebrate what
each other is good at we are going to we
we have been evolutionarily shaped to be
different but we overlap far more than
we are different and recognizing that we
each bring something to the party and
wanting to celebrate that to me is the
only thing that makes sense I do not see
women in an adversarial sense um but at
the same time going back to the idea
that the brain is a prediction engine
women don't make sense to me when I
think of them like a man but when I
learn about women and I learn how their
minds work and what they're biased
towards then I can predict their
behaviors and women the same with men
and so the the thing I worry about is
anything that makes us adversarial which
the modern feminist movement seems very
anti-men uh and then anything that says
there is no difference yeah and that
we're all the same we can be whatever we
want that's when I'm like reality is
going to bite you in the ass like this
is going to get really problem and I
have to preface that I haven't worked in
a corporate industry so I don't know
what it's like in those environments
where there's corporate you know where
men do Dominate and stuff um but I do
just thinking my the privilege I
privileges I have from being a woman
outweigh any of the um cons of being
them and I and I that might be being a
particular type of woman but it just
feels like having a feminine energy
definitely works in your favor when it
comes to jici system or when it just
comes to getting helping behavior and
stuff I don't really feel that um like
disadvantaged from being a woman in any
way shape or form yeah the way that I
think this breaks down in reality is men
and women are different and so people
are going to be very confused sometimes
offended um guys are going to speak in a
way that women don't like women are
going to speak in a way that men don't
like and so they're I I've thought a lot
about this when it comes to race and
it's really not about any in race it's
about who's the
majority and certainly who's the
majority in power and so if you think
about that because I'm obsessed with
Japanese culture right but you could
make a pretty compelling argument that
the Japanese are freakishly racist in
Japan in the sense that they don't even
let Outsiders like percentage of
Outsiders they don't try and hide it or
anything like that and they'll take
pictures of you if you're a different
color and stuff like that but here's
what I and Dubai is racist I live in
duai and your passport determines your
pay Gap and you know and stuff like that
so it's nothing to do with your gender
you come in with a passport a British
passport you'll get paid more if you
have a Pakistan than a Pakistani
passport yeah yeah and I'm Pakistani
wait that's like actually an official
thing it's an official thing yeah it's
written down somewhere it's an official
thing yeah so we could go for the I
could be a doctor and somebody from
Pakistan with the Pakistani passport
could be a doctor and I'll be paid more
because I have a British passport and
they have a Pakistani passport and I
don't mean this in any offense to Du buy
or anything like that because I very
much love the country to work in but
there there is very clear divisions and
it's very much like they still get paid
far more than they would in Pakistan but
it's definitely far less than I would
get as a British Citizen and America
Pakistani and I'm pakist and I have a
dual passport so I just you know hand in
my British passport and I get paid you
know very considerably a lot better yeah
it's shocking but here's what happens in
those environments what I don't what I
like about it is it's clear as day you
can either come or you don't it's up to
you what I found difficult in uh in the
UK is that it's almost hidden or it's
almost structural or it's I'd rather
just know where I stand and then I can
either choose to be a part of it or I
can leave uh but when it's not there and
it's almost structural I find that
harder to navigate because I felt like
um there was there is a division in
terms of like not so much ethnicity but
values because I don't drink and I don't
go to the pub after work and I don't go
out with them and you know how they
socialize I'm in how much I can access
the you know the In Crowd when it comes
to work so I'd rather it just be on
paper is that wild that I that's wild
yeah I would rather oh God that's really
interesting uh I would rather it not be
on paper because there's nothing you can
do when it's on paper I don't like the
Illusions I keep it real with me I get
that but humans are like that so first
of all they don't like they don't think
they're doing it and that's the thing
like they don't think I have to say that
they don't mean to do it it's not coming
from malicious place they don't realize
they're doing it a lot of the time 100%
And when so for instance when I see an
allom company M I'm excited for them
yeah word do your thing but then I also
think that if a guy wants to he should
be able to do an all Mail company
because then it's like I personally
here's what I my current thesis is hire
for culture for sure you want to share
values with people and then find the
smartest hardest working people you can
find male or female but
an all male company would be easier to
get along because I can talk I know how
I can talk I know how they're going to
interpret things yeah and you know what
paternity leave looks like and you know
that they are coming back and I
completely understand that um so you
know like I said I could be totally
wrong but because I'm somebody who's so
let's keep it real with me just keep it
real with me I'd rather be in an
environment where I know what the score
is than given the illusion of hope that
you can make it but probably you won't
no I definitely wouldn't like that you
would really no I I really I can't have
a rule that says like I can't do the
same I mean to me that's like 1960s
America where like we're literally just
like you you're Redline that's what
it is is bad isn't it yeah that's really
really gnarly and I need to believe that
even if one of the things I have to get
good at is fitting in cool like so Japan
I've thought a lot about this at one
point I considered like do I convince
Lisa to move to Japan like I'm into
Japan in that kind of way and I thought
okay I would have to deal with societal
racism I don't I don't want to put that
word on racist or is it just the way the
because I don't know call school of fish
I'm much more comfortable saying school
of fish because I don't think that they
have I don't think they mean negativity
in their heart it's just their country
is their country and they are used to
seeing a sea of Japanese people and they
they don't love the idea whatever I get
it I come from America where we're a
Melting Pot and I love that and that's a
huge part of my identity is I think
that's dope and I'm a big believer in
you you can only get to the truth by
having a lot of different perspectives I
think that's really powerful I think you
want to share values and not share
insights yeah um
so that I'll just call school of fish
well you're up against a school of fish
people tend to flock with people that
look like them as a proxy for people
that think like them and there's an
evolutionary reason for that as well for
sure I think honestly all humans really
care about is do you share my values
that's the that's the thing that
everything else is aoxy color is an
indicator of that correct I yeah it's a
shared thing it's a shared thing now it
can go super wrong humans are
weird and we have an Us Versus Them
thing and that does not it doesn't
service well in a modern context no but
it makes total evolutionary sense if
somebody was a different color to you
and coming into your tribe you would
know they're there to invade they're not
there to say hi to you so it makes sense
to have a level of fear or um skepticism
of people of different colors it doesn't
necessarily have to mean that it's
coming from a negative place or that's
why I understand Japanese culture I
don't feel like they mean it maliciously
they lit don't understand they're so
lovely I consider moving there but at
the same time I get it white people tend
to have a hard time Outsiders they have
a real problem with foreigners right
okay what what do they think you're
going to do I have no idea that I won't
speak to I don't know enough about it
but I know some people that grew up in
America that now live there and they're
like bro when they had a breakdown of
who got the vaccine when it was like
foreigners were like in 97th place it
was like every conceivable stack of
Japanese person and then the like
sickest oldest Foreigner then they could
finally get it but it was like you know
your perfectly healthy 19-year-old
Japanese kid 100% was getting the
vaccine you know what I come there's a
weirdness to it when I'm in cultures
which prioritize their own culture first
I almost just sign the imaginary
contract and accept that's the way of it
whereas when you grow up in a country
which expels the idea of racism and says
like where everybody's equal you almost
end up looking for the inequalities more
there is something to that but I think
here's where it breaks for me if you're
born in that country it's pretty shitty
to say well why don't you go move to a
different country that like so now
that's that's rough and as an American
like I dig the whole melting pot thing
so it's like I want this to be a rad
place but for people who share my values
I won't lie like I care about values
yeah and so that's where I can get like
I really believe in freedom of speech
yeah and so when people are like you
shouldn't have freedom of speech then I
get the heebie gbes and then where do
you draw the line between freedom of
speech and freedom to offend I think you
should be allowed to offend any
bu okay so it's said equal the only
thing I'll say is you shouldn't be able
to inight violence yeah I agree I agree
but I think you can offend everybody
with as long as you're looking for the
pursuit of truth I think if somebody's
intention is to find truth and in if
you're trying to be funny if you're
trying to be if it's a comedian or
something yeah I find that funny I can
take a joke okay so if you do you have
to be a comedian to say hurtful things
um usually with a comedian the goal is
to make people laugh rather than the
goal is to offend yes but Dave Chappelle
makes a lot of people very very very mad
I'm a big fan of Dave chel so am I I'm a
huge fan and what I love about his
comedy is he's not he he's not far from
the truth in in the jokes that he's
making he makes jokes but they are but
what if he wasn't cuz here's what I'm
protecting against I do not want anyone
to be the Arbiter of whether they think
he's going for truth so I think would
honestly say is the truth is never
offended by reality and what I mean by
that is if I look say I'm Muslim I
believe it to be true now if you come up
with real examples chances are it won't
knock my faith but if I believe
something that's relatively delusional I
will constantly be offended by reality
and that's what I always say is if
you're offended by reality you have to
reassess your truth because reality
shouldn't offend you now when Dave
Chappelle makes a few jokes he usually
takes reality and throws it in the face
of people that are he thinks are a
warped of reality and I just think
genuinely speaking if you stand on truth
it won't be offending by reality reality
will only confirm your truth I see
people offended by the truth all the
time then they then they're holding on
to a delusional belief I agree with that
but who gets to decide what's delusional
oh well reality does reality testing so
here's the thing like for example I
watch Matt Walsh's what is a woman and
um then he would ask people what is a
woman and they're like oh you have to
ask a woman I'm not a woman that doesn't
there's no they they find biology
offensive and if you're finding reality
offensive then your truth is delusional
but they're going to say that you're
delusional so I'll steal men their side
of the argument yeah um you're
confusing biological sex with gender and
gender is generated in the brain and it
is a spectrum and so what you're calling
a woman is really somebody that is a
birthing person I forget the verbage
they use what I yeah but now what do you
do with that because they believe that
they are correct what I would say to
that is and if you believe gender is a
psychological construct why when you are
a man that wants to be a woman do you
change your
biology yeah I mean I can give you an
answer and I can steal man them till the
end of time but I think the real
question to ask is what should happen to
somebody who is obviously wrong but
they're saying something well it's not
that anything should happen to them we
should they keep saying it they can say
it but we shouldn't be C tiptoeing
around their delusion oh I think
everybody should say what they think
everyone should say whatever the
they want as legally sanctioned to
tiptoe and offend the person who is
detached from reality which is what's
starting to happen I take I take a
different stance on that which is that I
don't think uh we want people
determining what is true I think going
back to my obsession the key is that you
don't want anybody who gets to be the
Arbiter of what is true
because that's where we run into trouble
I actually think the truth is often
times very difficult to you think the
truth is subjective I don't think the
truth is subjective I think the truth is
hard to identify so think about um
Newton so many people say he's a
smartest man to ever live but he was
wrong about physics but he was so close
that we were able to pinpoint the
movement of the Stars the heavens and
the Earth and all that Newtonian physics
got us to the Moon but we needed
Einstein's physics in order to create
GPS nuclear energy Atomic weapons Etc so
Newton was
wrong but it was still useful Einstein
is wrong even though he moves us forward
but he still doesn't have a yeah he
doesn't have a unified theory now
imagine if everybody said hey hey hey
Einstein shut up that's wrong it doesn't
make any sense you need to stop with
that because that's what people did when
you came up with the ideas everybody
thought he was out of his mind
and I think that is super dangerous and
yet humans do it all the time so do you
think the gender debate do you think the
gender debate we should ground it in
reality or ground it in people's
emotional responses to being offended I
oh you can't ever do I hear me when I
say yeah somebody getting offended is
completely irrelevant yeah and this
should all be about I mean depend like
you're going to have to break everything
up into its subcategories I think people
should be able to live their lives
however they want I think people should
be treated with respect and I think that
um you if you're putting forward
something as true we should be able to
put it through the scientific method to
find out if that actually is true and
everybody should Champion that nobody
should say whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
whoa that is a thing that's beyond
reproach you can't question that you
should to question everything every
thing and so like should we put it
through the psycholog the biological
testing of just gender genitals or
should we just you know accept their
reality with that that's going to come
down to entirely why are we testing it
what are we trying to figure out what's
the the purpose or the point what is the
outcome that what is the outcome that's
bringing the question to bear so I mean
I don't live in a I don't know how big
the debate is here um where I'm from
it's non-existent but is it quite a big
debate in America in day-to-day
existence I never encounter it on the
internet on seems soger on the internet
it seems like everybody in America's
doesn't know what gender means anymore
it comes up in some very surprising
moments
um and I have my share of
worries uh when it comes
to uh kids that's where I get concerned
um I always get concerned anytime that
the biggest beneficiary of any law is a
pharmaceutical that is probably a very
reasonable thing to be skeptical of so
the only stance I will take is everyone
should be able to question everything
right so people should be able to
question the uh pharmaceutical industry
they should be
able everything all it nothing should be
Beyond reproach and the scientific
method should be our ultimate Arbiter of
Truth when we need to pin something down
so it's a way of testing validity yeah
cuz I human flourishing human
flourishing that's where I come down I
agree for sure it's a long- winded way
of agreeing isn't it yes this has been
incredibly fun Sadia where can people
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