Kind: captions
Language: en
you're watching a Nova Video
podcast I've gotten to a point where you
know it's not that I don't care about
patients but that the fact that I care
about patients becomes less important
than the fact that I am absolutely
strung out and absolutely can no longer
think anymore I mean I I forget simple
basic things you know that I've you know
people will remind me you didn't do this
thing on this patient I'll be like oh
you know Jesus I can't I can't believe I
forgot that and uh you know that happens
a lot Jay doesn't really have very much
time to do anything anymore um he
doesn't really read he doesn't really
get to go out too much he comes back and
because of the way the schedules work
he's his time is very segmented and it
it's erratic I came in 4 hours ago so
far I have
um admitted one patient um with fever
probable sepsis and done a lumbar
puncture subsequently disimpacted that
patient just great fun what that means
is to take all the stool out of that
person's rectum by by hand
um I have uh visited all my own patients
in the hospital wrote notes on several
of them uh checked their Labs drawn some
blood tests on patients that needed them
uh to be done and uh I have just now
wheeled up my second admission for the
night and we'll be going shortly to
examine her I'm uh taking a short uh
food break because I'm getting a little
hypoglycemic
here
he's really I mean he's he's so
exhausted he's actually a pretty hyper
person um generally by nature and then
to see him so worn out um just sort of a
shell I mean what I get is is lousy the
best part of him you know goes away
early in the morning and for the whole
day and then when he comes home what do
I have well you know he's this tired
grouchy thing and he goes straight into
bed and he sleeps so that's where we
are
I came into medical training uh I think
one of the more sensitive people in the
field I'm going into Psychiatry I mean
my whole emphasis is on the emotional
and the understanding the mental aspects
of medicine and yet for all of that
interest on my part I cannot help but
uh but become this person that that I
don't particularly like
even
I have a number of different facets to
my career currently mostly I work in
private practice and see patients for
the majority in
Psychotherapy I really enjoy the
teaching that I do which is increasingly
part of my work now and I'm very happy
to be a part of my career where I can do
that it's a lot of fun I really enjoy it
we've been talking today about parallels
between patient therapeutic Pro process
and our own process and I think one of
the ways in which that's true is around
self forgiveness as is true for many
people going into intensive therapy
there's a painful moment of realization
when you understand that you're still
going to be yourself when you come out
of it cuz I like many people I think had
a fantasy that I was going to be a new
person a different person and I think
that uh coming to acceptance of that
coming to acceptance that um I am still
the person I am and I still have so many
of
the uh frailties and uh Hang-Ups that
I've always had and it's you know life
remains a
challenge all I can say about the
question of whether I would do it again
is I'm glad I don't have to consider
that I mean one can't live one's life
over it's just not done um so I am here
and um it's a better place than where I
have been and I'm glad I don't have to
do it again
for