Kind: captions
Language: en
everybody Welcome to impact Theory
you're here because like me you believe
that human potential is nearly Limitless
but you know that having potential is
not the same as actually doing something
with it so our goal with this show and
Company is to introduce you to the
people and ideas that are going to help
you actually execute on your dreams all
right today's guest is one of the most
popular onair commentators in opinion
writers for CNN and her unique brand of
raw and relatable advice has made her
one of the most sought after speakers
and media personalities and watching her
you get the feeling that this mother of
three is just getting started her well
researched and really powerful insights
into what it means to be a human come
wrapped in both science and lovely
lovely Midwestern charm allowing her to
cut through the formality of typical
business jargon and grab her audiences
by the emotions she's made a name for
herself by being blunt Unapologetic and
yet totally vulnerable she says what
everybody is already thinking but is
just a little too scared to say and it
makes people absolutely love her it is
not hard to understand why her Ted Talk
titled how to stop screwing yourself
over is one of the most watched TED
talks of all time and it's also easy to
see why she's an award-winning talk
radio host who is trusted by some of the
biggest brands on the planet to help
motivate and advise their teams she's
appeared on everything from Good Morning
America and the Today Show to Dr Phil
and Oprah and somehow she's also made
time to found an inspirational news site
called Inspire 52.com and found and sell
a retail and internet tech company so
please help me in welcoming the former
criminal defense attorney who has been
called an explosion of inspiration the
bestselling author with a brand new book
titled the 5c rule the master of
motivation herself Mel Rob
so good to have you on the show oh my
gosh thank you you know you called me
the master of motivation and I think
motivation is complete garbage so maybe
we should start there that is a perfect
place to start so I totally agree with
you but why do you say that I do 100%
now I said that in the spirit of I know
what you're trying to do so it is meant
with absolute um reverence but why do
you say that it's garbage well um and
we'll we'll talk a lot about this but um
I think it's garbage because at some
point we all bought into this lie that
you got to feel ready in order to change
yeah we bought into this this complete
falsehood that at some point you're
going to have the courage at some point
you're going to have the confidence and
it's total [ __ ] frankly I don't are
we allowed to swear on this show okay um
it's it's complete garbage and so there
are so many people in the world and and
and you know you may be watching this
right now and you have these incredible
ideas and what you think is missing is
motivation and that's not true because
the way that our minds are wired and the
fact about human beings is that we are
not designed to do things that are
uncomfortable or scary or difficult our
brains are designed to protect us from
those things because our brains are
trying to Keep Us Alive and in order to
change in order to build a business in
order to be the best parent the best
spouse to do all those things that you
know you want to do with your life with
your work with your dreams you're going
to have to do things that are difficult
uncertain or scary which sets up this
problem for all of us you're never going
to feel like it motivation is garbage
you you only feel motivated to do the
things that are easy right what do you
think that is oh I know exactly why that
is because I I I I've studied this so
much because for me one of the hardest
things to figure out was why is it so
hard to do the little things that would
improve my life and what I've come to
realize and what we'll talk a lot about
today is that the way that our minds are
designed is our minds are designed to
stop you at all costs from doing
anything that might hurt you and the way
that that that that this all happens is
it all starts with something super
subtle that none of us ever catch and
that is with this habit that all of us
have that nobody's talking about we all
have a habit of
hesitating we have an idea you're
sitting in a meeting you have this
incredible idea and instead of just you
know saying it you stop and you hesitate
now what none of us realize is that when
you hesitate just that moment that micro
moment that small hesitation
it sends a stress signal to your brain
it wakes your brain up and your brain
all of a sudden goes oh wait a minute
why is he hesitating he didn't hesitate
when he put on his killer spiky sneakers
he didn't hesitate with the uh really
cool track pants he didn't hesitate with
the NASA t-shirt now he's hesitating to
talk something must be up so then your
brain goes to work to protect you it has
a million different ways to protect you
one of them is called the spotlight
effect it's a known phenomenon where
your brain magnifies risk why to pull
you away from something that it
perceives to be a problem and so you can
truly Trace every single problem or
complaint in your life to silence and
hesitation those are decisions and what
I do and what's changed my life is
waking up and realizing that motivation
is garbage I'm never going to feel like
doing the things that are tough or
difficult or uncertain or scary or new
so I need to stop waiting until I feel
like it and number two I am one decision
away from a totally different marriage a
totally different life a totally
different job a totally different income
a totally different uh relationship with
my kids not like one decision I'm
divorcing you in in the marriage example
but one decision on you know you could
be having a conversation with your
spouse and you feel your emotions rise
up and within a tiny window those
emotions can take over and can impact
how your marriage goes or
you can learn how to take control of
that micro
moment and make a decision to act in a
way that actually shifts your marriage
your life comes down to your decisions
and if you change your decisions you
will change
everything yeah I mean that that core
concept comes through so powerfully in
your book um which is phenomenal and I
would love it if you would take a second
to tell people the story of how and by
the way I wore the NASA shirt because of
the
yeah of oh my God i' like falling my
glasses off that is I did not even get
that I was going to ask you why you wore
that shirt oh my gosh wow so you
actually do your homework of course me
absolutely okay so um let me just take
you back so so what what you're talking
about is the 5-sec rule which has become
literally my life's work and it was all
a gigantic mistake I I read up on you
too and understand how Quest like B Be
was born out of Misery the 5-c rule and
my life now and my 20year marriage and
everything that I'm doing and the
companies that I've built and sold and
the company I'm building now it all
comes back to a point in my life that
completely and utterly blw I was 41
years old I was
unemployed um my husband had um started
a restaurant business which was his
dream this is actually a funny story
when he he got laid off from a big job
in high-tech and I think he was really
relieved you know how a lot of us wait
to quit our jobs and then we get laid
off and we're like yes um and he said
I'm not going to look for a job I'm
going to go into the restaurant business
and I think I said the most famous lines
of our marriage at that point I looked
at him and I said listen buddy
inspiration is for strangers you get
your butt back to that job and you pay
the mortgage and um again micro moment
where I'm being a jerk instead of being
a supportive wife but that's an example
of where when he said he was not going
to go get a job but he was going to
start a business the first thing that
was there was fear right and so fear was
making the decision for me God I love
that you can share that though that's so
powerful well so what happened is he the
first restaurant was a home run and of
course what do you do when things are
successful you grow it you grow it
really big and so they decided to raise
some money and we threw in our home
equity line the kids college savings
they tried to open a second and a third
and at the same point a grocery store
chain encouraged them to go into
wholesale so it basically got way too
big way too fast and the wheels started
to come off and they came off so badly
that the second restaurant
failed and they held on to it for too
long like a lot of us do it's another
trick our brains play on us called sunk
cost when you throw a ton of time and a
ton of money at something it's really
hard to let go of it and if you haven't
done it in business we all have a
relationship in our past stayed way too
long that was a trick your plate on you
um so by the time that they closed the
second restaurant it was an $800,000
loss oo I don't I mean that meant our
entire home equity line gone right it
meant um kids col I get just choked up
just thinking about how terrifying it
was and so I found myself at the age of
41 like just feeling like a complete
failure and so did Chris and to make it
worse not only had we lost all of our
savings but so many friends and family
members had invested and so there was
this real tension between the truth of
what was happening and what you had to
do in public because it was a public
business shame failure embarrassment and
the leans started to hit the house the
phone started to ring and it was nothing
but collection calls and I just remember
feeling this tremendous shame and at
some point I think we all hit that
moment in life where things just are not
going how you thought they would go and
and what's amazing about those moments
is we all respond very differently so my
husband he would spring out of bed and
he would head right out that door 6 o'
in the morning and he would go meet his
partner and they would go to the bank
and they would dig right in and they
would face their problems head on and I
he's also a smart guy I mean he did not
want to be in the house when yours truly
woke up cuz I was a raging [ __ ] at that
point in our lives and the reason why is
because when you're scared and you're
afraid and you're jealous and you're
overwhelmed with emotion it is so much
easier to point the finger at other
people that's a decision by the way sure
one you may not be aware that you're
making but you're still making it so
what would happen to me is the exact
opposite is is Chris would be gone the
alarm would go off at 6 o'clock in the
morning and I would lie there and I
would think about the lean on the house
and I would think about the the uh
bankruptcy that we were facing and I
would think about how much we had fought
the night before and I would think about
the fact that I was
unemployed and I would hit the snooze
button I mean why would you get up when
your life is like that why would you I
mean I needed confidence I needed
courage I was so tapped out and and you
know at in the scheme of Life hitting
the snooze button is not that big of a
deal but here's the thing thing about
life none of us wake up and say today is
the day I destroy my life what we do is
we kind of check out because it feels
overwhelming or we check out because
we're afraid or we check out because we
start listening to self-doubt and then
we make these teeny tiny decisions all
day long and we don't even realize it
decision to not get up on time a
decision to not eat the right thing a
decision to snap at your kids a decision
to not speak in a meeting a decision to
not look for a job a decision to not
deal with your finances a decision to
not call your parent like whatever it is
all day long these tiny decisions that
take you so far off track and then you
wake up like I did and you you look at
your life and you think how the hell did
I get here and more importantly how do I
get back over there and you have no idea
and so I was so trapped and I know from
your story you felt the same way like
you knew that there was more in store
for you but you couldn't figure out how
do you close the gap how do you find the
power that's in you how do you discover
your greatness how do you solve these
problems it feel so overwhelming when
you can't I mean I would go to the
grocery store and and the items would
scan and I would be sitting there
readying my excuse because there was no
way that my check card was going to
clear
wow so um what h i I got in the struggle
with myself that a lot of us find
ourselves in and that is you get trapped
in what I call the knowledge action Gap
you know what to do but you can't seem
to make yourself do it right I mean
every one of us is one Google search
away from a list of instructions that if
you follow any of them it will change
your life but how do you get out of your
head and stop thinking about what you
need to do and actually do it and in my
case this stuff was pretty easy get up
on time make breakfast for the kids get
them on the bus start looking for a job
be nicer to Chris don't drink so much
instead of isolating yourself pick up
the phone and call a friend get yourself
out into the woods and go for a walk
start running again like all these
little things that I was capable of but
I couldn't get out of
here could not get out of here and if if
if you're stuck that's the problem the
problem is you're you're in your head
you're thinking that is the universal
problem and it all starts with this
knowledge of what to do and then you
hesitate and you think about whether or
not you feel like doing it so for a
couple months I was I was really stuck I
I would Chris would get up at 6 I'd hit
the snooze and then I'd hit the snooze
and then i' hit the snooze the kids
would miss the bus and then every night
I'd do the same thing i' I'd go in bed
have you ever had one of those
nights probably before you started your
company but it where you go in bed and
you're like all right Tom that's it
tomorrow it's the new me tomorrow
tomorrow I'm G to get up on time I am
going to go to the gym I am going to
look for a job I'm not going to drink so
much it's going to be amazing the new me
the future me woo let's do this right
then you go to bed and uh you wake up
seven hours later and you're
like I don't feel like new me it's the
who that's a stupidest see motivation
garbage it's never there when you need
it ever ever ever ever and so here's
what happened to me and thank you for
wearing the NASA t-shirt of course it's
a really stupid story it's a powerful
story so one night Chris had gone to bed
i' had been struggling struggling
struggling we still had all the same
problems I we still had a lean on the
house still facing bankruptcy still
fighting like crazy I was still
unemployed he still they still hadn't
figured out like the solution yet for
the business
and I was about to turn off the TV and
there on the the TV there was this
rocket launching and I thought oh my
gosh that is it I am going to launch
myself out of bed like a rocket ship
like NASA right here had launched me out
of that bed and I'm going to move so
fast that I don't think I'm going to
beat my brain now here's a really
interesting point
um I talk a lot about your instincts and
inner
wisdom and we can get into this a little
bit later but a lot of us talk about the
fact that you have a gut feeling but
what all this research that I've done
for the book and and all the speaking
that I do what I've discovered that's
fascinating is actually when you set
goals when you have an intention on
something that you want to change about
your life your brain helps you what it
does is it opens up a checklist and then
your brain goes to work trying to remind
you yeah of that intention that you set
and it's really important to develop the
skill and I I say that word purposefully
the skill of knowing how to hear that
inner wisdom and that intention kicking
in and leaning into it quickly so for me
my brain saying that's it right there
move as fast as a rocket Mel I wanted to
change my life and I think most people
that are miserable or that are that are
really like dying to be great and dying
to have more we want to change we want
to live a better life we want to create
more for our families we want to be
happier the the desire is there again
it's about how do you go from knowledge
to action so the first thing in the
story that's important is realizing that
the answer was in me and my mind was
telling me pay
attention could have also been the
bourbon I had a couple Manhattans that
night but anyway the next morning the
alarm goes off and um I pretended now
was there it's the stupidest story I
literally went 5 4 3 2 1 I counted out
loud and then I stood up and I I'll
never forget standing there in my
bedroom it was dark it was cold it was
winter in
Boston and for the first time in three
months I had beaten my habit of hitting
the snooze
button I couldn't believe and I thought
wait a minute counting backwards that is
the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my
entire life well the next morning I used
it again and it worked the next morning
I used it again and it worked the next
morning I used it again and it worked
and then I started to notice something
really
interesting there were moments all day
long all day long just like that
5-second moment in
bed where I knew knowledge what I should
do and if I didn't move within 5
Seconds my brain would step in and talk
me out of it
every human being has a 5-second window
might even be shorter for you you have
about a 5-second window in which you can
move from idea to action before your
brain kicks into full gear and sabotages
any change in Behavior because remember
your brain is wired to stop you from
doing things that are uncomfortable or
uncertain or
scary it's your job to learn how to move
from those ideas that could change
everything
into acting on them in the smallest
moment and for anyone right now at home
who's thinking like this sounds too
simple too easy talk a bit about your
community cuz reading some of their
comments it is it's crazy how many
people like the sheer volume of people
you quote in your book but if you also
go online and just look at the people
that are like directly reaching out to
you it it is an avalanche of people that
have stories around the 5-second rule
well one of the reasons why I'm so
excited about this book and look you
don't have to buy the book this is an
idea that you can use it's free it's
backed by science more than 8 million
people around the world have discovered
it and you know you're talking about the
number of people we've heard from more
than a 100,000 people in 80 countries
that are using this rule we know of 11
people who have stopped themselves from
killing themselves using this I I saw
one of those outreaches yes there's a
guy Steve that wrote to us who was a
veteran he was suffering from
post-traumatic stress disorder he
boarded a ferry overseas with the
intention to jump over he walked over to
the railing the and his inner wisdom
kicked
in in that moment the 5-sec rule 54 3 21
counting backwards moved away from the
railing asked for help saved his life
his story has inspired countless other
people that have heard me in the
speeches that I give around the world
about this one tool and so you know the
thing the the thing that's so cool about
this and and I should tell you the
science behind it because I'm going to
be honest with you it is stupid had I
ever thought that I would find myself
eight years after discovering
it spending my days telling people about
the 5sec rule first of all I would have
picked a different name because it
reminds you of the one where you have to
like pick up food within 5 Seconds off
the floor right um it was my secret
weapon this was something I did I never
intended to tell anybody because I went
from getting up on time and waking up on
time to shaking up my entire life
because when you understand the power of
a 5-second decision and you understand
that you always have a choice to go from
autopilot to decision maker everything
in your life will change you will be a
different negotiator you will be
different in sales you will be
unstoppable in the gym because you will
realize the amount of garbage that you
put in the way of your hopes of your
dreams of your potential of your
confidence of your
courage everything comes down to the
decisions that you make we all know what
to do none of us know how to make
ourselves to it so um I started
researching it why does something so
stupid work why why does something so
silly creates such powerful and profound
change well here's why the rule is a
form of metacognition metacognition is a
fancy pants terms that mean something
real simple you can outsmart your your
own
brain in furtherance of goals agree
there are tricks that you can use that
actually outsmart the tricks your brain
plays on you in furtherance of a higher
purpose we all know this you can you can
restrain yourself if uh you're in a
situation that calls for it you can jump
into a raging River to save your dog or
your kid you can direct yourself in ways
if it's important to you and so the rule
what it does is it does something really
remarkable when you count backwards 5 4
3 2 1 what you're actually doing is
you're interrupting what researchers
call habit Loops that get encoded as as
closed loop patterns in your basil
ganglia that's the part of the brain
where your feelings where your emotions
every habit that you have which is
nothing more than behavior that you
repeat that you don't even think about
I've heard it referred to as a gearbox
you shift your attention from
and so when you go 54321 it interrupts
what's going on here that's spinning
without you thinking and it moves and
awakens your prefrontal cortex so when
you hit one your habit has been
interrupted so you've interrupted
self-doubt you've interrupted maybe
snapping at your kids you've interrupted
the desire to grab for a drink you've
interrupted uh procrastination you've
also by counting backwards done an
action it's a way awakened your
prefrontal cortex that is the part of
the brain that you need that's awake
when you're changing behavior when
you're learning new things when you hit
one it's also a prompt so in the
language of research uh you'll hear
people talk about um starting rituals
that is that is something that's proven
to help you learn a new habit the 5-sec
rule when you repeat it becomes a
starting ritual that triggers you to act
with confidence that triggers you that
this is a moment for courage that
triggers you to shift gears and because
you've also done the manual work of
Awakening the part of the brain that you
need to change you've set yourself up
for Success it doesn't work if you count
up because you can keep going and also
counting up doesn't require Focus if you
count backwards 5 4 3 2 1 it again
awakens the prefrontal cortex and it
prompts you to move when you start to
use it and then you read about it you'll
see that that it's being used all over
the place they use it in the armed
services in order to align troops and
get them to start an exercise they use
it at elementary schools 54321 at Big
assemblies to get a huge room full of
kids stop talking simple and interesting
example yeah because it requires you to
focus it's not a habit it will become a
habit that prompts you to have
confidence and courage but in the
beginning it interrupts patterns of
behavior that you do on autopilot it
helps you assert control and it teaches
you how to become the kind of person
that moves from thinking about something
to actually doing it it's incredible so
there's so many things in that story and
guys I'm telling you it's um you're
going to love the depth of brain
research that is put in the book it's
really quite extraordinary you really
have an amazing grasp of the brain and
it really really came through in the
book and for me it was a a wonderful
Balancing Act between the just raw
emotion of the people writing in and
some of the stories that you're sharing
and you know the imagery of the rocket
ship which you know I mean you're you're
very open about it's sort of a silly
visual metaphor but because it's
effective that silliness is somewhat
irrelevant what's incredible is in 5
seconds flat self-doubt can take over
and Rob you of your power and Rob you of
joy and Rob you of of your potential or
in 5 seconds
flat you can actually use one stupid
little trick to push yourself to grab it
what I loved in the book is because you
paint the picture so very well you're
also just a good writer so you paint the
picture like I could feel the crisp you
know winter air of Boston like stalking
you out of the you know the under the
comforter and so I could really feel it
I was there with you you know as as
Chris's business is struggling and so
you really feel all of that and so the
moment when you do the countdown you
spring out of bed and you're almost like
taking yourself by surprise and you're
like moving before you realize it and
then but you're reading it from the
perspective of I already knew who you
were so it was that gave me the chills
it was more difficult ult to picture you
as stuck than it was to know I know
where she goes right I'd already seen
the Ted Talk by the time I read the book
I knew what you were doing from a media
perspective I knew how many people and
companies you'd helped so for me it was
like watching it in reverse so I'm
watching it from the safety of I know
she crushes it so if this is the thing
and I love that this isn't your first
book like this was the secret that you
plan to like keep hitting in the drawer
forever oh yeah I was not going to tell
anybody cuz it was stupid and it also
works and so it's my thing not your
thing and but see the real thing that
happened for me and this is this is
something that that um is a really
important topic for me is that there's a
there's when you talk about personality
so extroverts introverts a lot of us
really I know I did this I was all wrong
about what confidence meant I thought
confidence was a personality trait I
love this tell me more I thought that
people that are outgoing are The
Confident ones right and the truth is
confidence is not a personality trait at
all it's a skill and a lot of the
extroverted people that you know are
actually very insecure I used to be one
of them I used to be the kind of bossy
crass loudmouth that didn't believe in
myself that didn't believe in my ideas
that didn't have the confidence and the
courage to really be the real me right
who I am who I'm not Flaws and All there
are a tremendous number of introverted
people that feel
uncomfortable uh putting the attention
on themselves but they're very very
confident in their ideas they definitely
believe in themselves and so when you
start to separate confidence not as a
matter of personality but as a skill
that you can acquire because confidence
is the ability to move in my opinion
from thought to action because when
you're a confident person you believe
enough in yourself and your capabilities
that you're willing to try that you're
willing to share to me confidence isn't
the assuredness that it turns out it's
the willingness to
try and and that was a huge insight for
me and what a lot of people don't know
about me although I I share this on
stage and I'm extremely open about this
because this is a a topic that's really
important to me is that the single most
profound use of the 5-second rule is
mind
control and I say that
as a lawyer I will tell you you can use
this stupid trick to cure yourself of
anxiety yeah I wanted to talk about that
so you struggled very profoundly with
anxiety so walk us through like some
nuts and bolts of how you use the
5-second rule because I think we're so
my hypothesis and the reason we found it
impact theory is that the world is
living through two pandemics the
pandemic of the body which everybody
understands because it's so visual y
being overweight dying of um diet
related diseases such as diabetes and
things like that but because the second
pandemic the pandemic of the mind is
invisible um people don't realize how
pervasive um a suicide is and I think
it's a leading cause of death among
young men I mean it's crazy uh and then
that there are ways that they can go
about attacking that and fixing the
problem so walk us through that sure I
would love to um so first of all I
literally have struggled with anxiety my
entire life and anxiety for this
conversation the way I Define it is it
is the habit of worrying spiraled out of
control you know you may say that you
are a worrier that's not true you have a
habit of worrying a habit is a pattern
of behavior or thinking that you repeat
without realizing it so anxiety happens
when that pattern of worrying about
things spirals out of control and now it
starts to marry and manifest itself with
physical Sensations too that's all that
it is I know that I say that's all that
it is me personally I struggled with
anxiety uh I think my entire life it
became quite acute when I was in my late
teens and early 20s I became medicated
in the middle of law school I took Zol
off for two decades when our first
daughter was born who was now 17 the
postpartum depression and the cascading
Panic was so terrible that Not only was
I medicated and couldn't breastfeed but
I couldn't be left alone with her wow so
when I say you can cure yourself of
anxiety I don't say that light
four years ago after I had been using
the 5-second rule to change my behavior
how I spoke to my husband how I
negotiate in business meetings how I
conduct sales the kind of parent that I
am my health habits my eating habits
curbing the drinking um I thought I
wonder if I can use this 54321 thing to
get
control of my thought patterns not my
behavior patterns my thought patterns
yes you can so we're going to we're
going to build this conversation because
I want to start with something we can
all uh relate to and that is how do you
stop worrying and how do you stop
listening to self-doubt this is how
you're going to do it so all day long
you're going to have moments where your
thoughts drift and I use that word on
purpose because for me there is a
physical sensation when you start to use
the 5-sec rule and you start to wake up
not only on time in the morning but you
wake up to your life and the
opportunities in your life there's your
thoughts drift like you'll just be
hanging out with your friends and then
suddenly you're like I'm not sure that
that person likes me anymore you know I
haven't heard from my kids lately I
wonder if they're dead or you know oh
you know is a check like you just start
worrying about stuff why because it's a
habit because when you're not paying
attention your brain shifts from you
being a decision maker and paying
attention to you just kind of spinning
things on autopilot and one of your
habits is worrying the second you wake
up and you notice holy cow I'm talking
some negative garbage to myself right
now
54321 you've just shifted the part of
the brain that you're using you've
shifted from the basil ganglia which is
where your habit Loops are spinning and
you've awakened your prefrontal cortex
you've also interrupted that pattern now
what you're going to do because your
mind is actually ready to receive a
different thought because of the
counting
now you can put in an anchor thought
like if you have a mantra if you've got
a vision about the way that your
business is going to turn out in five
years if you just have a thought that
makes you really happy and proud insert
that now why does this work it works
because of the
counting and I'm not kidding we know
based on Research that positive thinking
alone not effective in some instances
trying to force yourself to think
positive can actually make the worries
worse why well the reason why is because
it's really hard to just change the
channel what we have to do first is
basically interrupt it and turn off the
TV and then turn it back on with the
prefrontal cortex awakened so the
counting is essential and so you can
start using this today you catch
yourself Talking garbage to yourself
because we all know if I were to put a
speaker on your head and broadcast be
sitting here in the audience you'd be in
an insane Asylum because the crap that
you say to yourself is insane and the
problem is we listen to it you'll be
you'll be in a sales meeting and you'll
be undermining yourself they're not
going to buy oh my gosh I'm in trouble
you're not even present 54321 switch it
back get back to that Vision that you
have about toasting your success or this
customer being really happy or you being
proud of yourself whatever that Vision
may be you can control your thoughts and
this is not just us talking about it
this is a tool that you
so let's take it a step further so
worrying if you let it go
unchecked what will happen is you will
get used to worrying you will get used
to living in a state where you're
slightly agitated all the time let me
talk a little bit about agitation so
what we know based on Research is that
physically in your body so
physiologically being excited is the
exact same thing as being afraid let me
say that again because it is so
important in your body being excited is
the exact same thing as being afraid
your body doesn't know the damn
difference your heart races your armpits
sweat you're like you know you may get
tight in your throat you may your cheeks
may get pink like my do when I get
excited the only difference between
excitement and fear is what your brain
says and the problem is if you have a
habit of worrying
guess what you're going to tell yourself
is going on that you're that you're like
freaking out that you're not excited
that something must be wrong oh gosh why
would you say something's wrong because
you got a habit of saying that all the
time even as I became a a speaker for a
living or I'd be on
CNN when I first started doing it I
would be freaking out
backstage but even even though like you
know just a couple just last week
standing backstage about to go on 8,000
people heart races armpit sweat you know
my hands get clammmy I'm not nervous
though not at all I'm excited and so I
developed this technique and research
out of Harvard not based on my technique
but something very similar proves that
if you
basically right before you're about to
do something take a test run a race
public speaking a business negotiation
ask somebody to marry you whatever it
may be that get your heart racing just
do this go I'm excited I'm excited to
give that speech I'm excited to ask him
or her I'm excited to do this race I'm
excited because what happens is you give
your brain context so your brain doesn't
escalate the stuff going on in your body
your brain's not worried make sense yeah
yeah so you can combine this with the
5-sec rule so we know how to do worrying
you C you catch your thoughts drift
54321 anchor thought if you start to
feel your heart racing 54321 to awaken
the prefrontal cortex and then start
going I'm really excited to do this I'm
really excited to do this another
technique that you can use is ask um I
think they call it interrog
interrogatory questions where instead of
giving yourself a pep talk say well why
am I ready to do this why am I ready
because that'll force you to answer the
question which then convinces you so why
am I ready to close this sale why am I
ready to give this speech why am I ready
so those are two strategies that you can
use back by science that are proven to
actually make your performance be much
better now let's take it a step further
to
anxiety so anxiety is what happens when
the habit of worrying spins out of
control your body gets really agitated
and then you allow your mind to escalate
it into a full-blown panic attack so for
those of you that have not had the
pleasure of having a panic attack let me
um explain what it's like so have you
ever been in your car and you're driving
down the road and you go to change lanes
and all of a sudden there's like oh my
God there's a car right there yeah right
and you swerve a little bit and then
your heart's like and you may sweat a
little bit and and you grip the wheel
really tight and you're super locked in
on on the road ahead of you but then
that car pulls away and the the the near
Miss scenario passes and your mind
starts going okay you're all right now
right you're all right now that's it
that's all that's what a panic attack is
only it happens while you're standing in
front of your coffee
pot seriously you have that same oh my
God way behind that and your heart's
racing and and the problem for your
brain is that your brain can't look
around and say holy cow we almost got
hit by a car right your brain's saying
what the hell is wrong with her she's
making coffee and she's freaking out and
so now your brain is a problem cuz
what's your brain's job it's designed to
protect
you so your brain will now do whatever
it can to magnify the problem remember
we talked about the spotlight effect
it'll start telling you all kinds of
crazy stuff because it can't fix figure
out contextually what the hell's going
on she's just making coffee now her
heart is R racing and she's breathing
really holy cow maybe she is having a
heart attack a lot of people that have
panic attacks say I think I'm dying oh
my God what what's happening or you'll
see them do the deer in the headlights
thing where they got to get out of the
room that is the spotlight effect in
your brain now taking control and
magnifying everything to get you out of
whatever it was so here's how you use
the 5sec rule you use it to stabilize
your thoughts
before the panic escalates and then what
happens is it drifts into worry and then
it disappears right so the second you
feel worry you catch it you train
yourself to do that if you start feeling
yourself getting you know your heart
racing you can 543 2 1 and use the I'm
excited I'm
excited um if you if that doesn't work
literally
54321 and just give yourself an anchor
thought literally of you being okay I'll
give you another quick example because
this is one that we have a tremendous
number of success with and people that
hear the example use it immediately and
are blown away I used to be terrified of
flying terrified every bump I'd be
freaking out and and so I started using
this strategy with the plane so the
second that you feel yourself getting
nervous 543 2 1 and then your anchor
thought is a vision of what you're going
to do when you get to where you're going
so when I get on the plane tomorrow to
fly back to Boston I'll think about
walking in the house and that the place
is like a disaster it'll look like
everybody's stuff Got Loaded into a
cannon and fired all over the you know
first floor and so if we hit turbulence
54321 I'll think about that Vision
because cognitively for my
brain if I'm walking in the house and
it's a disaster the plane made it that's
the power of this it's incredible
incredible what I love about you m is
that a I love how raw and real you are
about your own situation which cuz
people are going to look at you and the
first thing they're going to want to do
is make you extraordinary as a way not
to have to like live up to your standard
because what you've accomplished really
is astonishing and seeing you on stage
is
unbelievable unbelievable you're so good
at that and I know that it comes from
working your ass off but wow it's very
very impressive thank you but then that
you use techniques like that you've got
answers for you know how have I done
this I've done it like this and I've had
guest sit across from me that that's not
their stick right like they they have
done truly extraordinary things with
their life but they seem in just like
totally blind to how they did it and the
fact that you can walk people through it
is so cool well I think we're all flawed
and that's the beauty of who you are and
instead of trying to make yourself
perfect in every area it's so much
easier when you accept the things that
you're terrible at or that are your
weaknesses or that are the things about
your wiring look if I were diabetic I
would take insulin I happen to be
somebody that's wired for anxiety right
no big deal
so figure out how to instead of fighting
those things actually trick it because
the truth is that you're never going to
feel ready to make these changes you're
never going to feel like doing them but
you can always make a decision that's
always in your control staying with
somebody that treats you like garbage is
a decision it is staying at a job that
you hate is a decision staying in the
body that you are not proud of is a
decision is it going to be easy no it's
not going to be easy to change it's
simple do a Google Search and then use a
5-second rule to force yourself to do
that
stuff change comes down to 5-second
decisions and this is why the 5-second
rule is is important for everybody to
know it's your job to push
yourself and I don't care if you're Dr
Martin Luther King Jr or your
Michelangelo or your Lin Manuel Miranda
who wrote Hamilton you will struggle
with self-doubt and everybody that you
admire everybody and the list is the
same for every oh Oprah Winfrey and I
want to be like you know Tom and I want
to be like uh you know Branson and I
want to be like Jay-Z and I want like
everybody's list is Bill Gates and do
you know what those people do they do
not have the habit of
hesitating they trust themselves all
right really fast before we go tell us
about the million dollar mornings and
setting yourself oh yes I have a I have
a gift so here's the thing um I did one
thing other than the 5sec rule that has
changed my life my marriage everything I
do not have the phone in my
bedroom the phone is designed by people
like your phone you should not have your
phone in your bedroom and here's why
because what's on your phone is not your
dreams what's on your phone is stuff
that's been designed by people that
study Game Theory you know why you check
your email all the time all the time you
know why you're constantly looking at
your phone it's called random rewards
it's a psychological principle that
explains why we pull slot machines
because every six or seven times we get
a little random reward so we keep going
back I know most emails blow but every
once in a while you get a good one
that's why you keep looking right so um
I created this course called the million
dooll morning whether you want to make a
million dollars a year or in a morning
or whether you want to wake up and feel
like a million bucks this is the
science-backed strategy step by step by
step for how to wake up cuz it's not
when you wake up that matters it's how
you wake up that matters and we filmed
it at the house I walk you through all
the science I show you the whole routine
and we're giving it to your audience for
free wow yes thank you you're welcome
because look I want you to use these
things it's one thing to talk talk talk
and think it's another thing to actually
take action and the more that that you
can provide that I can provide that
shows people what to do and the more
tools that we can give people to get out
of their heads and into action the more
the world is going to improve the more
your life will
improve so all right I get the feeling
that this whole time has sort of been
answering this question but I'm going to
ask it anyway what's the impact that you
want to have on the
world um I
want the impact that I want to have is I
want to teach people how to discover the
power that's inside of them to
live
fully in the open and share themselves
who they are who they're not like
there's so much fear that we live with I
I want to teach people how to live with
more courage because courage is nothing
more than the ability to do things that
are
uncertain in today's
world where you have the internet you
can literally learn launch do anything
anything the only thing that's truly
stopping you are the
limiting patterns that you think the the
the self-doubt the fear the habits that
you have and you can break them you can
break them 5 Seconds at a time and so
the impact that I want to have is I want
to teach people a simple way to discover
the power that's locked inside them and
then to unleash it and go out and live
the life they've always dreamt of
awesome M thank you so much I want a hug
get over
[Applause]
here guys you're going to want to dive
into the very warm Waters that are This
Woman's World it is absolutely
astonishing I'm talking raw
vulnerability but what I love is no
matter how silly some of the things she
may say they are they're incredibly
powerful you will see her community they
will reach out you will see them talking
about how they've changed in real time
whether it's stepping back from a ledge
and not making a catastrophically bad
decision or whether it's just truly
jumping out of bed and attacking their
life unleashing the power that they have
within themselves to live the life they
were meant to live to finally own what
they actually want which is something
that she really really encourages
everybody to do especially our community
it
is unbelievable able and you guys will
benefit so tremendously from somebody
who is able to convey the difference
between motivation which is
[ __ ] and action which is real and
that is where she has made a name for
herself she is all about action you guys
heard it today she breaks things down
into the not always easy but the always
simple steps and if you follow those
steps you will be able to transform your
life really in 5 seconds or less it's
absolutely breathtaking she back
everything up with science so Mel where
can they find you online anywhere just
Google Mel Robins seriously I'm on Insta
I'm on Facebook I'm on Twitter we're on
Snap we're on LinkedIn website is
melrobbins.com or email me no joke hello
melrobbins.com give us a couple days to
respond but we respond so there you go
and don't troll me look I'm on CNN
people talk about the turkey neck they
write nothing but trashy stuff all the
time so don't go there but if you if you
write you need help you need more advice
and we have so much free content so many
videos so many articles so just go to
melrobbins.com and you'll find all kinds
of cool stuff so go check it out guys
and have the life that you've always
wanted and one more time please help me
in thanking this incredible woman with
the Amazing shoes Mel what a pleasure
coming in for one more thank you
awesome all right guys it's a weekly
show be sure to subscribe and until next
time my friends be legendary take
care hey everybody thanks so much for
joining us for another episode of impact
theory if this content is adding value
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[Music]