Kind: captions
Language: en
Hey everybody, welcome to another
episode of After Impact. Today we're
going deep on our boy Jared Adams and I
am your host Tom Billu and I'm here with
none other than Agent Smith. Mr. Billou,
is this your first one back since Italy?
Yep. So our boy literally took over
Italy with his amazing wife um who has
never made an appearance I don't think
right on the show. Yeah. Like in any
way, shape or form? No. Like No, she was
she was on the Simon SK viral video.
Yeah, she's front row for that. All
right, so she's like royalty around here
at this point. All right, good. Cuz that
would have been a shame. Amazing.
Amazing couple. And Yep, they owned
Europe essentially, but most
specifically Italy for quite some time.
Yeah, it was a great trip. Nice. Uh it
was nice and relaxing. It was nice to
get some perspective, take a little step
away, get a little, you know, get
grounded again. And it's it's good to be
back. All right. Ready to be back. Well,
certainly an an interesting
juxtaposition to our boy Jarrett who for
those of you who have not seen the
episode one, the reaction to this
episode has been massive. And just to
give you a little bit of background on
what shook down. So Jarrett is 17 years
old, decides he's going to lie to his
mom about going to his friend's house
and instead goes to a nearby college
town party and as you do as you do,
which I never did, but I know a lot of
people that did like sneak out and stuff
like that. I never did that. Other than
Ray Proper, but that's another story to
tell one day. Um, but he sneaks out,
goes to this party, and then literal
catastrophe strikes. And I So, God, I
really hope I don't get any of the
details wrong. I believe this is 100%
accurate. There were three of them, him
and two other friends. The two friends
ended up having consensual sexual
relations with a woman. He stayed in
another room and played video games. And
then the all three of them got brought
up on charges for it wasn't rape. I
believe it was sexual assault. And um he
gets a public defender and the public
defender is essentially like, "Hey,
they've got nothing on you. Like there's
no real evidence. Like you're going to
be fine. Don't worry about it." And he
ends up getting convicted and serves
nearly 10 years in prison before he's
finally exonerated. and he um starts
this is like out of a movie. He has a
cellmate who basically says, "Look, kid,
you're not taking this seriously. Let me
see your case. Um I'm going to review
it." Cuz this guy was like, you know,
the only guilty man in Shashank. I It's
so crazy like how many somebody even
wrote in and said, "This reminded me of
Shashank." Yeah. It's exactly what it
reminded me of. Reminded me, too. And um
says, uh, you know, "Let me review your
case." Reviews this case. Says, "There's
nothing here. you need to stop going out
into the yard and playing basketball and
lifting weights and you need to start
going to the law library and figuring
this out because I'm telling you if you
learn enough and take control of your
own case um that you're going to be able
to get out. And so he um starts
researching, finally gets the Wisconsin
Innocence Project to take his case. I
mean, keep in mind this is this takes
almost 10 years. goes through the appeal
process, finally wins his appeal, gets
exonerated, gets out, and then the real
difficulty begins of how you rebuild
your life. And just just astonishing
story. And while he was in prison, he
promised himself that he would become an
attorney. And he does. and he gets out,
goes to community college, transfers,
gets a degree, gets a scholarship, goes
to law school, graduates, and then
begins
clerking in the exact district that got
him his appeal that that his appeal went
through and was ultimately successful.
Just incredible story. Incredible story.
I love this story. And a lot of people
have written in and expressed that uh
it's been very inspiring to them. And I
just want to read a couple comments off
of YouTube. So, John D. Gates says,
"Tom, you have had some very incredible
people on your show, but this one is a
whole other level in my opinion. He
sounds like a fictional character."
Literally, it's Yeah, it's so true. We
agree. John McY uh says, "I love this
guy's story and his perseverance.
Sometimes you just have to put blinders
up, plug away, and ignore what is around
you. One common thread I've noticed in
most of your guests is that they work
harder than everyone else, and Jared is
no different. No question. Guy works
hard. that that that's something that we
should talk about in this episode. Just
hard work. Um, and Christine says, "Wow,
speechless. So many lessons learned."
Nice and simple. Nice and simple. I want
to start off with I'm really fascinated
by stories like this where people are
facing truly insurmountable odds. Like
the everything is against them and
somehow they don't give up. They don't
throw in the towel and they persevere.
Um, my question is, how do we all become
a little bit more like Jared Adams?
It's interesting. So, whenever you talk
to somebody who does something really
heroic, the one thing you hear exactly
none of them say is, "I'm a hero."
And there's this notion of when your
back's against the
wall, your character, your identity is
going to shine. And in those moments,
the people who rise up like Jared did or
dive into the cold icy river to save
somebody, they're already that person,
right? And Jared actually said something
in the episode. He said, you know,
people think that I came out of college
and like took a or came out of prison
and took like a smart pill or something
because he he was railing against like
everyone thought I really deserve to be
in prison. They thought that I did it.
And the truth is that a lot of
incredible people end up in prison
either because they're innocent or for
something stupid. If we, you know,
really want to get political for a
second, some of the drug laws I just
think are abominable.
Um, I'm not sure that was the right word
to use. They're an abomination. I think
that's closer to what I mean. Uh, and he
really wanted to make the point that,
you know, prison almost took this all
away from me and I was really ready,
willing, and rightfully should have been
able to be a contributing member of
society right away. And so I think what
you're seeing
is he's got an identity where he's just
pissed and he is convinced that not only
does he know that he's innocent, but
that he can do something. And so now
that his back's against the wall and he
gets this one piece of information. And
it is utterly fascinating to me that it
took that push. It took somebody to say,
"Hey, like stop acting like a jackass.
stopped treating this like I forget what
he called summer camp or training camp
or whatever because he was just like
taking all this time to play basketball
and lift weights and the guy was like
you really need to take this seriously
but that he then clicked into gear and I
mean you know my obsession with identity
and I I think this is one of the reasons
that mythology resonates so strongly
with me is it's pictures of people with
a certain identity and because humans
are so malleable you can look at that
person with that identity the struggles
the way that they react and then you
begin to mold them onto self and you
know you can every human being is is a
blank slate and what I love was when
somebody because you can say like oh
take a kid that's about to grow up in
Iran but instead they grew up in America
or vice versa and how fundamentally
different they would be um but I don't
think that cuts through to people like
to say this somebody that you took from
um right when homo sapiens became the
dominant species and we got rid of homo
um or sorry Neanderthalss um like right
at that moment you could bring that
person to today and that they would do
well, do great in high school, go to
college, and have no sense that their
life could have been any different. And
when you realize that you could have
somebody that grows up in that sort of
very distant past and and would have
been a hunter gatherer and would have
been wearing animal skins and like it is
the same sort of fundamental piece of
machinery. So what you're doing is
giving them a different identity. You're
giving them a different perspective
through which to view the world. And
that's the power of any heroic story is
to understand it comes down to what is
your identity. So in that moment of
crisis that like and in prison maybe a
little bit like cooler example because
you've got the time to refine the edges
of your identity that aren't yet right.
The little nudge and all of that. Where
identity becomes really important to
make sure that that [ __ ] is nailed down
is when the bus full of school children
crashes into the icy lake, you know, or
the river or whatever. What do you do in
that moment? There's no time. It's like
who you are comes to bear and you either
do it or you don't do it. How do you
know if you're ready if you're How do
you know that your identity is intact
for that moment? Wow, what a rad
question. Um, I think life tests you all
the time. And I think that um, virtually
everybody knows that they're not quite
ready. And or how about this? I know I'm
not quite ready. And wait, wait. I I
want to push you on that because we were
on a plane a couple months ago. We were
sitting in the emergency exit and they
asked the question, "Will you be able to
assist in the case of emergency?" And
uh, we all said yes. And then I turned
to Tom and I said, "You you probably
will just freak out and run up and down
the aisles jokingly, right? because I
know his identity and I know his
personality. And he said, "No, I know
exactly what I do. I've I've prepared
for this moment."
Yes. He he didn't take it as a joke. So,
yeah, I think you have it already
intact. So, if you have it intact, then
you know. So, but here here is the truth
and it would be Thank you for that. By
the way, that's one of those like secret
stories you never think is going to see
the light of day.
Um, in my heart of hearts, I have to be
honest and say that I do all of that
because I know that there is that person
in me that just wants to turn and run in
the opposite direction. And I think so
many people are um they're embarrassed
by that. But I think that it the split
brain patient, right? So you go in the
corpus colosum connects the two
hemispheres of the brain. If you cut it,
you can get one half of the brain a has
its own identity from the other half of
the brain. be one can be deeply
religious and believe in God and the
other is is aggressively an atheist.
Same person. Yeah. By the way, you've
just cut the communication path between
one half half the brain to the other. So
I'm I'm hyper cognizant that you will
almost certainly always have the two
voices in your head. So it becomes about
training. And I remember when I was
talking to Farasah Habi and I was like
why do you train so much? And he said
because I want courage to be like I want
it to be a choice. like I don't want to
um I never want to feel like I can't be
courageous because I'm not physically
ready or whatever. And I think of that
in the same way emotionally like I'm
training emotionally, mentally,
spiritually for those moments of crisis
so that I rise to the occasion because I
know that that voice is there and I know
that if I don't prepare for that that
there will be a moment of hesitation and
it's like one of the things about you're
just reinforcing it all the time. You
have to. So, one of the things that I'm
most proud of is um so I like to my wife
just made this huge huge um promise like
that. So, we have different obligations
to each other and one of my obligations
is the physical protector. And so I
remember the first time that uh our
house alarm went off in the middle of
the night. And I was out of the bed and
running down the hall before I realized
what was happening because I just have
so reinforced myself, you run towards
the danger, you run towards the danger,
you run towards the danger that like
when that moment happened and I know
it's not [ __ ] because I wasn't like
my conscious mind hadn't come online.
Like I had ingrained it so deeply just
through [ __ ] repetition about who I
am, how I respond, my willingness to
die, like for her, right? Just over and
over and over and over. So that when you
know, look, and I'm super grateful that
it ended up being like whatever. The
window got blown by the wind, you know,
it wasn't actually an intruder in the
house, but it's now it's happened, you
know, four or five times that we've had
the alarm go off at an unexpected
moment. Um, and I'm just moving towards
it before I even think about it. So it's
just repetition. It's not that I don't
have that voice. It's not that I
consider myself a hero. I don't think
I'm a stud. I just know to use
techniques until they become ingrained
in a part of your identity. So, to bring
it all back to my boy
Jarrett, I think that he already had
that. I think that he was angry and that
that gave him some energy, right? Be
motivated by beauty and rage. And so he
certainly had the rage and he knew
enough to take that man's piece of
advice, to let it fuel him, to stay
driven, to keep pushing, to keep
changing his identity until it was just
razor sharp, razor sharp, that he was
going to get out. Yeah, it's an amazing
story. Isn't one of the phases of the
hero uh cycle where you meet the guide
and they like get
you faces idea? Yeah. So, um, you resist
the call, right? That's a big part of
it. You meet the wise old sage, um, who
gives you that one piece of information
that you need, which almost is always
about identity. Um, yeah. And and and
then they're off on the journey to
actually become it. I mean, literally
his life is the hero's journey. Yeah. So
cool. It's pretty incredible. Um, one of
the things he says in the episode is the
to the effect of the walls, the walls of
a prison cannot take away your mental
freedom. Um, and I've heard other people
in similar situations, whether they're
prisoners of war or in prison, talk
about this as well. Are you thinking of
Mandela right now? Yeah, I'm think Yeah,
Mandela is a great example. Yeah. Um, do
you think there's ever a time or a case
when the mind cannot overcome its
surroundings? Yeah, for sure. Of course.
Of course. Of course. read. Um I don't
think that it is universally true, okay,
that the mind that there's like a
breaking point for the mind death,
right? I mean, so at that point, that's
really the only thing. And I think that
there are some people whose identity is
so strong that they would I mean, it's
like that moment in Braveheart, right?
You can take my life, but you can't take
my freedom. Yeah.
And that gave me the chills. Like, who
doesn't want to like have conviction of
that level? And I think that that's one
of the reasons that that movie did so
well. And for those of you that are old
enough to remember, like it crushed at
the box office and it was like a big
cultural thing when it happened. And um
it's, you know, in some ways a love
story and in other ways just about
identity and who you are and and what
you're willing to die for, but like for
real. And I think those stories really
resonate with us
because yeah, we all want to know that
our identity transcends like anything
else that there's a great quote. And I'm
going to paraphrase it and unfortunately
I don't remember who said it but one day
this will make it into an impact quote
because every time I'm looking to like
group my quotes I come across this one
and I think one day and it goes should I
ever be given the choice to betray my
country or betray my friend I hope I
have the courage to betray my country.
[ __ ] wow right because that's the one
for the many. It's like if your
conviction is so strong that you would
be willing to face down and you know in
our case 350 million people in service
of that one person
that's that like that's identity at play
right yeah so um yeah I I think at the
end of the day like if you practice it
and if you rehearse it and if you say
this is who I am and then act in
accordance in a thousand small ways. Um
I think it all builds together but the
ultimate answer to your question is from
the book Man's Search for Meaning by
Victor Frankl who's in five different
concentration camps and he said that
they as a group could predict within 72
hours when somebody was going to die.
Not obviously at the hands of violence
but that once somebody gave up and they
no longer had an understanding which is
where the title of the book comes from.
They no longer had an understanding of
what the meaning of their suffering was.
So if you believed I'm going to endure
all of this so that I can help people
when I get out. I'm going to endure all
this to make sure that I can protect my
children. I'm going to endure all this
whatever. Right? So you had some reason.
You knew what it was. It was crystal
clear. Then you could literally survive
anything. And and there's a great quote
by Nichi. He said, "A man who
understands his why can survive almost
anyh how."
And that's that thing. You need that
thing. You need to know why you're doing
it. You need to know why you're
suffering. Um, you know, so like the
airplane thing that came from when 911
happened, dude. And I heard the story of
the people that broke into the cockpit
because they knew they had heard about
the other two planes, right? And part of
me knew that every hijacking up to that
point, they wanted something. They
wanted a ransom or whatever. So I
wouldn't have risked everybody's life on
the plane to stop them because you would
think that the safer, more strategic
play is to wait it out. But then once
the people on the third plane heard that
the other two had crashed and that this
was a hijacking and they were
essentially turning that plane into a
big bomb, then they got together and
they rushed. And so I was like, I will
be like the people on the third. I will
be like the people on the third. And I
just kept telling myself like if I die,
and I've said this on the show, but I
mean this happened back in what 2000
2001 2001 2001. So starting from that
day, I just started saying like if I
were to die in um you know a terrorist
airplane crash know that I went with a
[ __ ] fist full of human flesh in my
hands because I I may not be able to be
victorious though that is what I
rehearse. I knew that I just I wouldn't
go down sitting in my seat and you just
Yeah. rehearsse it, rehearse it,
rehearse it. Love it. All right, we got
a question from Facebook Live. This is
from Laura Defrain, our good friend. Our
good friend Laura. Uh, practical
usability questions. How can people with
temper/ anger issues retrain themselves
to redirect that energy in a healthy or
at least less destructive way? I'm
asking for specific actions one can take
to proactively prepare you for those
blinding rage moments, Hulk out moments
before they occur. Yeah. So, all right.
Uh, you're looking specifically for
strategies. So, here it is. First of
all, you need to start meditating every
day. The reason that you're going to be
meditating every day is you're going to
learn how to switch from the sympathetic
nervous system, which is the fight
orflight, the rage, the anger, the
aggression, to the parasympathetic
nervous system, which is rest and
digest, calming yourself, slowing your
mind down, slowing your heart rate,
slowing your breathing. You need to be
able to do it consciously. And you will
be absolutely startled by how much you
can change your brain chemistry simply
by breathing from your diaphragm. Okay?
Okay. So, in through the nose with a
huge like down in your gut. You want to
be using your diaphragm to push your gut
out. She asked for tactical. Yeah. Okay.
So, here it is. So, you're going to be
doing it at the diaphragm. Breathe, I
find, rapidly out through the mouth. So,
you're literally just letting it out
through the mouth will be hugely calming
and repeating that cycle. So, that when
you feel the rage kick in literally, and
this goes to habit loops, one of the
most important things you need in a
habit loop is a trigger. So, here's the
great news. The rage in and of itself is
the trigger to begin the habit loop. So,
when you feel the rage, immediately
click into your loop for calming
yourself down, switching over to rest
and digest, getting into the
parasympathetic nervous system. Let the
rage trigger that breath. And at that
point, it just has to be more important
to you to be a person who can take
control of their emotions than it is for
you to act on that emotion. So, you have
to remember is in the moment where
you're raging, you believe you're
completely justified to feel that way.
So that's what you have to overcome. You
have to say this emotion is entirely
valid. Awesome. Fantastic. But it does
not lead you where you want to go
because you're not asking me how to
harness your rage and do something
meaningful with it. That would be a
totally different question. It's
obviously bitten you in the ass enough
and escalated and gotten out of control
that in that moment you have to know
that regardless of whether or not it's
valid. We'll just assume it is. That you
have every right to be that angry,
you've decided in your sober moment that
that is not where you want to go. So
you're going to use that rage as the
trigger to kick in the habit loop of
calming yourself and getting into the
parasympathetic nervous system. The
easiest way is meditation which you will
have practiced day in and day out on the
other side. The other one of course is
identity that you're going to be the
person that does that. It will start
you're still going to get pissed and you
won't remember to start breathing for a
few minutes. Then you're going to get
that down to a minute and then you're
going to get it down to 30 seconds and
then you're going to get it to the point
where it doesn't even cross your face
and people don't realize that you
snapped into a rage. All of a sudden
they're just going to be like, "Why you
breathing funny?" And so and that's
literally how it works. It starts on a
long enough timeline and then you just
through identity and practice you keep
shortening that. There you have it,
Laura. There it is. All right. This
question uh speaking of beauty and rage.
Yep. So, one of the things that helped
sustain Jarrett through prison was um
his love and dedication to his mother
and his family. And that was just a
beautiful part of the story, I thought.
So, it got me thinking about muses and I
wanted to see whether that's something
you identify with the sort of finding a
muse for a project or for a choice in
life that's going to help inspire you to
get you through the hard times. Yeah. In
in profound ways. So, I've talked about
this before, so forgive me if you've
heard it. Um I don't like the gym. We
all know that. When I first started
going to the gym, I needed something.
And that thing was I imagined my wife
being assaulted and me being too weak to
stop them. And that made me lift like a
demon. Yeah. And that
like that really pushed me. And so I
used to need her in the gym with me and
I would literally stare at her and she
would like catch me looking at her with
like the most amount of rage and evil
expression on my face and be like, "What
is happening?" And so obviously I
explained it to her. And so every now
and then we would just lock eyes and I'd
be, you know, like [ __ ] just fiery
intensity imagining like ripping people
apart trying to get to my wife and that
I needed to get stronger and I needed to
be able to lift this weight in order to
do it. And so she's always been a a huge
muse for me. And then a lot of my
success, literally everything in my life
is uh a veiled um disguise to impress my
wife. Like I'm literally not trying to
impress anybody else. But I'm really
trying to impress that woman. Um so
accumulation of wealth, I probably would
have lost steam for it long before I
achieved it if I didn't really want to
do that for her and I felt like I had
made that promise to her. Um, so but at
the same time, look, and this isn't
romantic, but I'm, if something, God
forbid, were to happen to my wife. I
recognize that it's a technique. I would
not fall apart. I'm not the guy that,
you know, commits suicide or dies of a
sudden heart attack if my wife passes
away. And I would not want her to do
that either. You muks, I know you're
watching right now.
Um, you know, it really comes down to
understanding that that it is powerful
to have a muse, but not to lose yourself
to the muse. Awesome. Speaking of the
amazing Lisa Billou, um, we have the new
show Relationship Theory with Tom and
Lisa. We do. Talking about the
relationship. I encourage you to check
it out. A lot of people have been
writing in and they love it. Yeah, it's
like getting it's become some of our
highest um, watched certainly and most
commented on uh, live content. So check
it out. We're having a great time. Um,
yeah. Love it. Relationship theory.
Cool. There it is. Here's a question
from Sad Massud, our boy Tom. Have you
ever been done wrong in life to the
extent where you had the burn everything
down moment?
No. I've been done wrong in life to the
point where I think most people would
have burned everything down. And I think
most people would uh how about this?
Most people advised me to burn
everything down. Um,
identity is is your great protector. Did
you think about it just for a slight
second? No. You didn't even entertain
it. Nope. Nope. And other people around
you wanted I'm sure it wanted you. And
here's the thing.
Um, later as a release valve, I'll let
myself go like it would be fun. I'm
never going to, but it would be fun,
right? Um, but even in the like in the
sort of mechanations of the moment it's
happening. Whoa. Like this is actually
happening. I can't believe this [ __ ] is
for real. Uh, in those moments I'm at my
most sober. Like I'm at my best right
then and there because like all the
habit loop triggers and everything just
come to play. Uh, identity kicks in. I'm
very [ __ ] strategic and this drives
my wife crazy. All I can see in any
moment is the strategy. So I think that
um that comes from a lot of practice
that comes from just sort of my natural
personality as well. Like I'm so goal
oriented like I know ultimately where
I'm trying to get and it's pretty rare
that I'm lost in like this moment. And
part of the reason that I wanted to
detail the three-phase process that we
have as impact theory is I I'm on like
phase five. I'm already thinking about
what that looks like. But everyone is
going to be lost and confused if I don't
talk about phase one. like if they don't
understand like because my tactics are
all about phase one, right? Right.
They're all congruent with where we need
to be down there. So like one thing I am
psychotically relationship or sorry
reputation protective. So um we've had
big opportunities where people have come
and wanted us to take parts of their
company and one of the companies shall
remain nameless, but it was like a we'll
say it's a a supplement and I just I
just couldn't get behind it. And maybe
it's amazing. I'm not saying that it
wasn't.
I'm so reputation protective. I don't
know enough about it to know if it's
real, but they're going to make a lot of
[ __ ] money. And that lot of money
could have been partly us. And but I
just thought, man, to make even millions
of dollars and sell out like your
reputation is crazy. That's so
short-sighted. So, um, all of that stuff
is is very important. So, yes, I am very
strategic. I have never in the moment
thought, "Hey, I'm going to burn this
down." So, um, be goal oriented. Do and
believe that which moves you towards
your goals. Period. Never deviate from
that. You just can't. Awesome. All
right. Here's another question from
Facebook Live. This is from Chris uh
boot, I believe. My question is that if
you've trained your mind to run towards
danger without consciously thinking
about it first, are you ever worried
that you're going to unconsciously run
towards danger in a way that might put
you or your wife in harm's way? And then
there's a for example. For example,
employees are told to not pursue a thief
because their life is worth more than
whatever item is being sold in their
business. But there was just a news
story the other day about a Home Depot
employee chasing someone who stole a
$100 toolbox and getting hit by a car
and being put in the hospital. Yeah. Um
for me, yeah, 100%. And I could die in a
really stupid fashion. No question. But
honestly, I would rather that. I would
rather that than not have trained. And
look, I'm not I'm not trying for that. I
my brain kicks in, you know, let's call
it 10 steps later. It's like and then I
would start assessing, okay, wait a
second, like what is the real strategy
here? Um, so, you know, I mean, look, I
would go to great lengths to avoid doing
something stupid that doesn't help
anybody, but which would I rather die
because I took action or live, you know,
I hate to say it, but the Ailio Zapata,
I would rather die on my feet than live
on my knees. Um, so that that's just the
truth. But it's taking action for the
right reasons, right? So knowing your
why. Like what are you going to act on?
Yeah, for sure. You're not going to act
on a a stolen tool from Home Depot, I'm
assuming. So let's say for instance, I
wake up and
um there's someone in my house and
they're like, "Homie, I'm just going to
take this uh whatever. Jesus, we don't
even have much expensive [ __ ] My
painting, which I love, but really
wouldn't be that expensive." Anyway,
they're taking something that I care
about. Um, and they've got a gun. I'm
Yeah, as long as you're leaving, just
get the [ __ ] out. I'm Yeah, I'm not
chasing that person down the street or
anything, but if they had my dog Yeah.
[ __ ] chasing them. Like, I'm finding
a way. I don't gun or not because I
literally those are like our children,
right? So, at that point, like, yeah,
I'm going to do everything in my power
to avoid getting killed, but uh yeah,
I'm not letting them disappear under any
circumstance. Nice. All right. I just
want to remind everyone we're on
Facebook Live. We are talking about
Jared Adams, the amazing, incredible
story. You have to watch this one if you
haven't already or listen to it. What,
whatever you prefer. Um, it's an
incredible story about him overcoming a
wrongful conviction, going through
prison for how many years? Nine years,
10 years. Yeah, it was just under 10, I
think. and then getting out and not
being not being angry enough to just sit
around and do nothing or feel sorry for
himself but then taking another 10 years
to become a lawyer to go and try to work
in service of the people who are also
being ground up in this system. So he's
taking on large systemic problems um
problems that have origins going back
hundreds of years and are deeply
entrenched. I'm just thinking about he's
going to need a lot of help, right? So
what I wonder what do you think is the
best way for him and I I think this
could be a teaching moment for other
people in our community to build a
support network to get his message out
there or to you know I mean he's trying
to take on the criminal justice system
that's huge. Are you asking me no
[ __ ] what would it take for Jared to
be successful in his mission because
that it's actually I'm shoehorning you
now that's not what you're asking. I'm
not asking that but if that's what you
want to take on then let's talk about so
let me really answer what you're asking.
How does he build a network of support?
I want it to be universal enough so that
people can also take something away from
this. But let's let's do both of those.
So, how does he build how do people
build a support network?
Well, there's no way. Yeah, there's no
way to do that fast. So, uh I'll I'll
tell a story that I've told before. Um
there was a guy back at uh when we were
doing awareness technologies and we were
trying to I can't remember if you're
trying to get a loan. Anyway, we're
trying to raise money for something. I
don't remember what. and he was the one
like out of nowhere was like, "Oh, I
know a guy at, you know, Bank of America
or something and um he'll get us really
good rates because he knows me and all
this." And I thought, "How the hell do
you know a guy at Bank of America that
like that's so impossibly random?" And
he was I don't know, he's like 15 years
older than me or something. He goes,
"Tom, when you're my age, you'll have a
portfolio or rolodex, I think is what he
said, which don't exist anymore. A
rolodex of of people like that as well."
And I thought, God, is that really true?
And of course it is. And now it's like
when I look at all the people in my
network and people that I've just over
the years like done things for, gone out
of my way to help, never expecting
anything in return. Um, and you guys
know me, I think in movie terms. So
whenever um you really like go out of
your way to do something crazy for
somebody and everyone is like, "Why are
you doing that?" I always do my best
father impression. It's like one day I'm
going to come to you and I'm going to
need something. I may never come to you,
but if I do, you won't refuse me. And I
want to be in that position with as many
people as humanly possible to have done
them a good turn, to not be looking for
anything. Um, make friends before you
need them. That's the phrase that I
repeat to myself all the time. So
Jarrett needs to do that for a very long
time. And when he looks back 15, 20
years from now, he will be a powerhouse.
That's how you build a network. do
really amazing [ __ ] for a whole lot of
people with absolutely zero expectation
of anything in return knowing that 90%
of them you probably never will call on
and you will have just done cool stuff
and you will feel good about it but 10%
you'll be like oh my god this is amazing
because I did them a good turn two or
three years ago and now I've got
something that you know I always try to
make it mutually beneficial either way
and you know so here's a way that they
can help me and do something for
themselves and um that's how that'll
happen. Great. All right, let's go to
let's go to the bigger question. Yeah.
How do you think Jarrett tackles his
problem?
So, all right, this is a a moment of
crisis where I guess I have to um stay
true to what I've said I will do and I
will teach people to um take our
business model and run with it. Um so,
here's exactly what we're going to pitch
Jared on doing. Hey Jared, sell us your
life story. Um, we want to turn you into
a comic book and in the meantime, you
also need to be creating a social
presence and you need to be doing live
content like we're doing now. Uh, this
is one of those my mother always used to
say, don't do what I do, do what I say.
Now, I'll tell you guys, do what I say
and what I do because they're completely
in lock [ __ ] step. So, why do we do
all this live content? To build a
community. Why do we build a community?
Because one day I'm going to need you.
Um, why am I going to need you? because
I'm trying to affect global change. How
do you affect global change if you don't
have a huge amount of people behind you
to make enough noise that reverberate?
One of the greatest currencies that we
all have as human beings right now is
the ability to direct attention. The
whole thing about we're the neck, you
guys are the head, like all of it. So,
I'm not doing that because I have some
like deep interest in it. I have a deep
interest in it because it is the way to
actually affect global change. So if you
want to be affecting a system, a system
which is going to resist you at every
[ __ ] step of the way, you've got to
be a draw. You've got to be a reason
that media pay attention. You've got to
be able it's why celebrity works. So
he's going to need to build celebrity.
He needs to let us uh tell his story
which will get him attention. He will
become he will be perceived as more
important. If you haven't already read
the book Hitmakers, read it. They talk
about this notion. Oh, it's not
hitmakers. What is it? What was the book
I read right before Hitmakers? Oh, I did
a book review on it already, so go back
and look at my book reviews. I will get
the title soon. Anyway, he talks about
how merely making something um more
visibly present that it begins to take
on causality. I don't want to derail us
on that. It's [ __ ] interesting. Read
the book. Uh it's the one right before
Hitmakers. Um and he needs to make
himself visible so that people apply to
him a sense of causality that he seems
important. Uh and in doing that through
um sort think of it as entourage, right?
where it's it's fictional because you
need that to keep the story deep, but
it's also close enough to his real life
that it really packs a punch and it will
be tied to him and whenever you know
somebody uh new arc in the comic comes
out and it's really interesting that
people go back and talk to him and so
that he's staying in the public eye. Um
and then in doing that then you want to
start attracting that um group of people
that you've done all this cool stuff
for. So now you've got this big ball
rolling of people that don't know you
but they think there's causality to you.
You seem more important. You're larger
than life. You've got this story people
can relate to. There's emotion. They're
tied to it. They feel like they know
him. That's a big thing. So that when he
says, it's all building towards this
moment. You ready, Agent Smith? I'm
ready. When he says, "We're marching
today and we're going to show up on the
steps of Congress or we're going to um
show up at a prison or we're going to
You really
ready? Create our own prison." You
weren't ready for that one, were you?
Because this is how I think it actually
needs to be done. I can't believe that
turning prisons into a forprofit ruined
them. But it seems like it has. Yeah.
But a for-profit prison run by an
entrepreneur that has good intentions
and will hold themselves to the
statistic of how many people come back.
If they did
that, then I think you could really make
[ __ ] change. Because the way to make
change, everybody lean in closer to your
computer right
now. The real way to make change is not
to fight the old. Okay? Give up on it.
It is to spend all of your time and
attention on a building the
new. And that's what I think you would
have to do. He will have to build the
new. And if all he learns in becoming an
attorney is to fight the old, he's going
to lose. And the shots already been
fired that's going to kill him. And he
just doesn't yet realize he's bleeding
to death. And nothing would break my
heart more. But the no [ __ ] answer
to what he needs to do is he needs to
get the world worked up about the
problem and then present the solution.
And the solution for me is very much
change a generation of entrepreneurs in
the way that they think. So they stop
holding themselves to the metrics of
just
profitability and they start asking
themselves, have we reduced recidivism
or not? And if we have, then we're
winning and we keep doing it. We hold
ourselves to that standard and we keep
pushing and we set public goals and the
public rallies around us and we stop
this
ridiculous public shaming of profits,
which is [ __ ] crazy. But we also stop
the profits at any cost. And who gives a
[ __ ] as long as we're making money?
That's equally absurd. And we leverage
it for its real power, which is it lets
you do more. And when the first one
wins, if you're profitable, then you can
do the next one. But if you're beholden
to the public because you're a 501c3 and
you're coming to the world with your
handout, it's also never going to work.
So it has to be something where you're
really delivering good to the people
that come into your system and you're
delivering good to the world doing
something amazing with the profits.
Yeah. And I mean, look, the problem is
way bigger and I have not spent a lot of
time thinking about this and I'm sure
there's a thousand holes in my argument.
So just th this is not the problem I
have set out to solve. Sure. But in the
amount of time that I've thought about
it because of this story, that's what I
came up with. I think Jared Adams should
do all the things I just outlaid. I
won't retry. There we go. All right. Uh
question from our Facebook live
audience. This is from Jermaine. He
says, "Jaret Adams had a somewhat
similar story to Malcolm X, being locked
up for 10 years and using it to build
his mind like most people haven't. How
can you transform like that when it is
so easy?" How can you sorry, how can you
transform like that when comfort is so
easy in a first world country?
Oh, without having to go to prison.
Yeah. Is that the sort of underlying
question? Um, wow, that's interesting.
So, this is the it's the question of
success, right? success makes you soft
and once you've had it, it's like how do
you stay hungry and keep pushing? And
so being born to a first world country
is essentially like a level of success
in and of itself. And for me, it comes
down to knowing what you're trying to
accomplish and being excited about the
pursuit of that thing. When you have a
compelling future, this is Tony Robbins,
when you have a compelling future, you
will move towards it. People are not
lazy. They're simply not excited about
what they see in their future. So to me
once you believe that you can do
anything you set your mind to how you
spend your time becomes a spiritual
consideration. So then it's like what
makes me feel alive like I want that
feeling all the time and that is like
impact theory is my answer to that
question. What makes me feel most alive?
Media stories connecting with people
building community like those are the
things that I enjoy no matter what and I
would enjoy doing even if we were
failing. So find that thing and you
build it. It's like love. It's a
process, right? Love has elements of
trust in it. You don't build trust
instantly. You can't. Um it has elements
of reciprocation. That doesn't happen
immediately. It takes time. So once
people can understand, oh yeah, like
passion is like love. It's a process you
go through. You meet somebody starts as
interest. You get to know them better.
It grows. You may be infatuated at
first, but maybe it doesn't last. or you
may be infatuated at first but it
doesn't have that deep sort of
meaningful understood trust
reciprocation shared experience all of
that that comes with maturing love and
that is passion so starts as interest
becomes a passion through the gaining of
mastery and that's how you get to that
but you have to be excited about
something um it isn't just like you
don't have to go to prison it doesn't
have to be pain and suffering um you
know I mean those are tales that that
resonate because I think that their
example examples of where somebody
Malcolm X or Nelson Mandela or Jared
Adams, they found something that they
believed in so much and they were
excited by so much that they were
willing to fight through even that which
for most people short of death is sort
of the worst thing they can imagine. Um,
but at the end of the day it was they
were excited about something. Jarrett
wanted
to prove people wrong. He wanted to show
people that he really was innocent. I
think that was a huge driver. And then I
think part of becoming a lawyer in the
beginning was he was angry and he wanted
to like how do I go and smash this
system and that was his answer to that.
I think he'll realize over time that
that's a way to help people on a very
non-scalable format to go in and be a
part of innocence projects and give
people out one by one. Somebody has to
do it and maybe that's just so beautiful
to him that he wants to do it. I get it.
Um but at the end of the day like I just
can't break out of my own box. Scale is
all I care about. So I am now forcing my
own views on this poor man. Uh, and it
it may somebody has to do the one-on-
ones and maybe that's just his true
calling. I mean, he came on the show, so
obviously he has some idea about getting
his message out there and scaling,
right? Agreed. So, um, this is a
question
from Ibraim Elgalad. He says, "Jaret's
relentless attitude where retreat isn't
an option, is a mentality many of us can
learn from. Tom, can you share any
experience you or Lisa had with an I'll
outwork you and never give up
mentality? Um, well, Quest was certainly
that. Um, I've done it
clumsily my entire life. Uh, so not my
entire life, but once I went to college.
So getting into film school was that for
me. Uh, it was literally I didn't get
accepted to film school. And when I went
and asked one of the guys in the
admissions committee what I needed to
do, he said, "Get good grades." Cuz I
had really bad SAT scores. And he said,
"Yeah, if you've been in college for two
years and you get good grades, I don't
even look at your SAT scores because SAT
is just meant to tell me whether you're
going to do well in college or not. So
if you're actually doing well, then what
do I care?" Um, so I locked myself in a
dorm room for two years and got good
grades. Um, got in film school. Uh, when
we started Quest, it was it was all
guts. That was it. we were running a
whole another company by day and at
night we were um working on the bars and
it was exhausting and we had no idea if
it was going to work and um you know and
and the identity kicks in of um that and
that's who I am and that's what I'm
going to do. Um and then full disclosure
uh there's one story I'm not going to
tell you and it's my favorite story. Uh
one day maybe five years from now I'll
tell that story. Um but yeah that that
is that is my identity. I'm not smarter
than the next person, but dear God, good
luck keeping up. Awesome. Um, so a lot
of people have written in to say that
this story has inspired them. And, you
know, I'll I'll go ahead and say that
this is probably one of our most
inspiring guests to to come on the show,
just their, you know, their tale. How do
you, how do people not let this just be
merely inspirational? What should they
do after this episode? Take immediate
and grand action. Take immediate and
grand action. So, um, somebody wrote in
the comments on YouTube, "What's my
excuse?" And let that change you right
now today. And watching these shows, I
really want to be like reading a good
book. And before, I don't do it anymore,
so I don't want to lie, but I used to do
this before I read every book. And I
would say to myself, let this book
change you. Like actually say it like do
it ceremonially. I think really people
don't give enough credence to um to
ritual. So let's say that you have a
physical book. Uh every time before
you're about to read that book, sit
there at the desk with the book closed
in front of you, look at it, and just
say something like this. You're going to
feel stupid doing it, but it will get
into your subconscious. I'm telling you,
just do it. Um dear author, I'm grateful
for you to take the time to write your
wisdom into this book. I am going to
receive it with an open mind and I am
open to letting this book change me
fundamentally and
forever. Amen. And then open it and and
go. But go with that open mind. Go with
no preconceived notions. Don't push back
with your own ideology. Actually be open
to being changed fundamentally and
forever by the information in that book.
And if it's useful and it moves you
towards your goals, like why you
wouldn't do that is just crazy to me. So
do the same thing before you watch any
episode uh of Impact Theory. Say, "Hey,
I'm grateful to this person for coming
on the show, for sharing their wisdom.
I'm going to meet it with an open mind
and I will be I open myself to being
changed uh fundamentally and forever by
the information that this person gives
me and then watch the episode and then
at the end of it, take immediate
action." So if your feeling is what's my
excuse now that day when something comes
up and you have 30 legitimate excuses
for not doing it, do it anyway. if it
moves you towards your goals, right?
Like that's that's the barometer. You're
not gonna do everything, but you're
gonna do the and believe the things that
move you towards your goals. Simple as.
And so the rubber meets the road in the
weirdest, smallest little ways. Um God,
let me give you an example. What just
happened recently? Oh, my wife is really
weird uh about like um we were running
out of one of the um uh products that we
routinely eat and we both like it. But
for my wife, from a stomach perspective,
like she needs it, if you will, like she
has to eat more like that than I do, and
I can be a little more frivolous. Um,
and most importantly, my identity is if
we're if we, let's say we're both cold,
well, I'm going to give her my jacket.
So, because to me, that is like
fundamentally one of the roles that I
play is if if it can be made such that
only one of us has to suffer, I should
be the one suffering. So, give her my
jacket. Um, give her the food item. if
one of us has to go hungry, it should
always be me. Like that's important to
me. And so and and for her being a good
wife. So like even on days where it's
crazy hectic and everyone's stressed
out, like she'll try to make me
breakfast or make me lunch or something.
And it's like because those are the the
roles and identity. So those are the
weird little ways that your new found u
ideology, your new found piece of
identity, you're going to be tested.
Really do it. Like I hate being cold. I
think we all know that. But I know in
that moment my identity of being the
protector is being tested. So I better
man up, give her my jacket and just suck
it up and be quiet. Um because in those
moments I earned credibility with
myself. So anyway, massive action
immediately that day. So do you think
that's the big takeaway from this
episode is you don't have any excuses.
That's the big takeaway from every
episode. And if this one doesn't drive
it home, then nothing's going to. But
yes,
good stuff. Um, Joe Cross asked, "What
do you think were the absolute critical
elements for Jarrett to change his
mindset? Seems like he couldn't have
done it on his own."
Um, man, I I don't know him well enough,
so I'll give you a general answer. So,
obviously, the guy made him believe that
he could do something. That's step one.
So, you have to believe that you're able
to do it. Um then he had to have the
belief that he would see it through so
that when he went to um the law library
in the prison that I'm sure the first
day was overwhelming. He's 17, maybe
he's 18 by the time he starts taking it
seriously, but he's still a teenager.
And so I've got to imagine law books are
just dizzying. So he's got to believe
that he's going to keep going. He has to
actually show up and keep doing it. um
he's got to be able to handle the fear
and the stress of, you know, being
disappointed. And a lot of people stop
at that. They don't want to be
disappointed, so they don't even try
because they don't want to have to
survive that disappointment. So, we'd
have to be able to look that in the face
or like Leila Ali, who you guys will see
that episode in a few weeks. Um just her
thing is, no, no, no. I know I'm going
to win. Like, I know to the core of my
being. Um so, one of those two things is
is going to serve you. either that the
loss is just something you'll learn
from, you'll get back up and you do it
or just a blinding belief that you're
never going to lose um to keep pushing
and then having a why. So knowing you
know what he wanted to prove people
wrong that he didn't do it that he could
be uh contributing to society and that
he wanted to give back to his mother who
he felt like was you know he kept saying
like he was putting marks in her brow
because she was so unhappy coming to
visit him and so worried. Um, you know,
all of those things I think are what
anybody would have to do to their
mindset. And I think he would agree that
that's exactly what he had to do, but we
didn't go that deep into that stuff, the
specifics in the episode. Uh, one more
question from Sad Massud. He says, "I
checked Jared's website. His co-founder
also had a similar story of wrongful
conviction in his past. Finding similar
storylines in life can be huge earlier
on in one's resurgence, but it doesn't
translate into success. How does one go
about identifying the right person or
team to partner with on a journey that
is so profoundly unique? Read John
Wooden. Oh yeah, read John Wooden. Um he
talked about so he's the legendary uh
UCLA basketball coach and he said, "I
don't look for the best players. I look
to make the best team." So people have
to get along. They have to play
different positions. They need different
strengths. Um if you're partnered up
with somebody and you both have the same
opinion all the time, then one of you is
useless. So, you really do need somebody
that has a different skill set than you
do. Um, otherwise, you guys are just
repeating the same thing. And here's
what what really really um makes me
laugh and breaks my heart all at the
same time. When somebody doesn't see the
world the same way that you do, your
first instinct is to think they're
stupid because that assales you. And
either they have to be stupid or you
have to be stupid. That's where most
people start. But the truth is, you need
to relish the difference of opinion. You
need to relish that you're each good at
different things. And that was a real
struggle for me in the beginning with
Lisa, I wanted to be good at everything.
And I felt like as a man, I should be
better than my wife at everything. And I
didn't want to lose to a girl and
literally all those stupid things. And
like for instance, when I um well, let
me back up and say a more profound one.
When we first started Quest and I saw
her being really really good at
logistics and getting toughened and
becoming um very just confident and sure
of herself and that was hard for me. And
I realized, whoa, like I I'm not having
her do this job because I don't have
time for it. She's now doing that job
because she's better at it. And like
that was tough because it was like such
a like typically masculine thing. It was
logistics. It was processes. All the
things that guys are supposed to be good
at and I'm actually terrible at. My wife
is amazing at like all of that stuff.
She's just way better. And so really
realizing that like who in their right
mind would want to be worse than
somebody at everything, especially the
person that they're closest to in the
world. That's literally constant
inferiority. Like nobody would want
nobody wants that. Zero people in the
sum total of the universe. There are
zero people who want to be worse at
everything than the person that is their
life partner. Okay? So let's all embrace
that. And so finally realizing, oh yeah,
like because I thought she would want me
to be better, that she would think I was
less of a man if I weren't better than
her at everything. And then I realized
that's just ridiculous. Uh so that was a
huge breakthrough. And then I remember
when I first invited her to play video
games with me, I remember thinking, "Now
be careful because she'll be better at
this than you." Because my wife is able
to assimilate visual information so
rapidly. Like do you know those um Oh
god, this really winds me up. you know
those like what's different between this
picture and this picture like 99.999% of
the things are the same but there's like
six things that are different right
she'll look at it I'll be like 1 2 3 4 5
six and I'm like what literally like I
am so slow at figuring that out that uh
yeah that's one of those things she's
just infinitely better at better at
video games than me so you just you have
to she's better now at video games than
you oh yeah the game that I brought her
she's just now starting to like she'll
beat me consistently that's what I heard
and so I told her I said don't you ever
throw throw a match because like she
wants she likes to see me happy, but she
was like, "Oh, no, no, I wouldn't do
that." So, yeah, she's uh she's getting
very good. Awesome. Very good. I forget
what the original question was, but
hopefully that got us close. It was
about finding the right partner. Oh,
yeah. So, you want somebody who's better
at certain things than you are. That's
the complimentary. Yeah, complimentary
skill sets for sure. Um, I think that
wraps it up for us today. Wow. All
right. Well, then guys, thank you so
much for joining us. Uh these are
absolutely amazing and I really really
to the core of my being hope that you
guys feel this community the way that we
feel this community. And I know right
now I'm speaking to a small subset of
you who are totally engaged who I hope
are really getting something from each
other
because the amount of engagement that we
feel from that subset of you is so
amazing. And we talk about you guys all
the time. There are I keep swagging it
at Dunar's number, but there is a subset
of you. We know your names. We know who
you are. We know what you're up to. Like
it it is so incredible and so fulfilling
to have you guys be a part of this
community. We just cannot thank you
enough. To everybody that has ever
shared this content, liked it,
commented, reviewed anything. We read
every single comment. We are so grateful
for all of it. when the um feedback is
critical but trying to actually help us
improve. We're insanely grateful for
that as well. So guys, please keep it
coming and it allows us to find amazing
people like Jared Adams and become the
destination of choice. Um we're getting
now to the point where people understand
um our style. They understand what we're
trying to bring to the world. And you
can imagine the kinds of guests now that
we're able to reach out to um and get on
the show. We're super super excited to
bring these guys to you. And it is
because of you. I want to make that very
very clear. Whenever we ask for somebody
to come on one of our shows, the very
first thing they do is look at the size
and amount of engagement from the
community. That's it. And so you guys
helping us grow, you guys being so
engaged and so involved is everything is
how we're able to build this. So, thank
you, thank you, thank you. Uh, with
that, I will wrap. If you haven't
already, be sure to subscribe. That's
how we get those numbers up. And until
next time, my friends, be legendary.
Take care.