Kind: captions
Language: en
hey everybody and welcome to another
episode of Facebook live Q&A I am here
with special guest Dr finesse what is up
dude how you doing I'm doing very well
thank you how about yourself I'm doing
fantastic fantastic my man all right I'm
respecting those horizontal stripes
today I'm going to tell you that right
now you know what's funny is uh I go
back and forth with horizontal stripes
and I think I've told you this living in
La before I moved here I knew up front I
never wear solid blue and I never wear
solid red because the whole gang
affiliation I'm not getting pulled over
I'm not having someone rolling up on me
thinking I claim one set or something
but I figured if I wear blue and red
especially if they're horizontal stripes
I'd be okay you're nice and uh neutral
I'm a peace you're like the Switzerland
of gang affiliation I like it I'm I'm
the ref of gang affiliation nice I'm
like guys I'm out all we'll take that
for the
[Music]
win all right what do we have you
kicking us off with some questions here
yes yes so rapid fire questions Q&A
I'mma jump off uh from Chris per you
really want these handled rapid fire uh
is that like a thing we're doing that
now I think so well I guess uh these are
the questions we didn't get to last time
so we're just going to kind of get
through them but we'll give them a
chance to answer for you guys so it's
not just uh okay so not like strict
rapid fire exactly yeah so from Chris
pcel hi I've had my own Wellness
biohacking business helping others live
an extraordinary life on their terms my
question is how are you able to balance
the cage monkey mind along with who you
are without going crazy balance the cage
monkey mind with who I am so I'll just I
don't quite understand that part so I'll
just say how do I keep the cage monkey
mind in check we're adjusting adjusting
um so keep the cage monkey mind in check
a big thing for me is meditation so
learning to rapidly calm your mind is a
big deal and I think a lot of people
just they actually don't know how to do
that and so your mind sort of goes to
whatever speed it goes to and they don't
realize they can actually change gears
slow it down or speed it up quite
frankly for that matter like when I can
feel that my mind is really going slowly
for whatever reason the first thing I do
is force myself to talk fast because
when I force myself to talk fast then I
find that my brain is literally kicked
in the posterior and force to get into
gear so you can do the same thing with
going the other way so if you find that
your mind is bouncing all over the place
literally focusing on your breath and
the important part here is focusing so
there's in in the um meditation style
that I use which I'll call Just Breathe
which is a variation of box breathing
which I learned from Mark Divine the
seal um you focus on each part of the
cycle there's so there's four sides
inhale inhale hold exhale exhale hold
okay and you focus on maximizing the
pleasure of each one of those parts and
I found that in doing that because it
was pleasurable that I actually would
get lost like in each part of the cycle
but the moment that I thought of the
breath as sort of one holistic thing my
mind would race again because I would go
on autopilot with the breathing so I
really had to focus on optimizing each
individual segment of it and then that
like my mind I could feel it like
calming down really just getting into
the moment of the pleasure of that and
that's part of why I focus on the
pleasure is to truly be in the moment to
experience it to feel it uh to feel when
it's off to feel when it's right and
that that helps slow that down and and
once you get good good at it you can do
it in other situations so um in a
stressful business meeting in an
argument with somebody like you can
literally in a single breath or two like
get yourself not to like perfect trust
me like it's way easier to do when
there's not somebody that you're in a
heated exchange with but um but you
really can get much much closer to
Baseline you know I remember you told me
about that uh the Box breathing i' had
never heard of it uh so after you told
me I started doing it um there are
moments sometimes I wake up in the
middle of the night and my brain just
starts oh yes rapid just rapidly
thinking of things and I can't shut it
off so I started uh doing the Box
breathing during those moments in bed
and I'm telling you it kind of brings me
to this level of just calmness and I
just I come down so I mean I'm not great
at it yet I've tried to do it during the
day and I I don't know I haven't figured
it out but at least when I'm laying down
in bed it kind of works right so yeah
practice practice practice practice so
the next question from Nicole tuway Tom
how do you do sorry how do you when
you've
learned this question's a phrase word
sorry uh when you've learned enough
about a topic before you make a move uh
I.E build a product provide a service
even though you know you have so much
more to learn about that topic yeah so I
tried we just did uh uh we covered this
sort of thing Jared and I on the after
impact and my whole thing is I try to
move way before anybody in their
rational mind would move because a
there's always going to be a lot more to
learn and B
99.99999% of the time the reason you're
telling yourself you have a lot more to
learn is because that's way more
comfortable to learn to research to be
in that mode and give yourself the
excuse to not be taking action so I'm
like you know put a parachute on jump
off the cliff build the airplane on the
way down and and that really is like
that's that's what getting ahead in life
being an entrepreneur being a lynchman
whatever like get yourself in over your
head and um I remember one time my
business partner said to me the day that
I realized I could talk my way out of
anything was the day that everything
changed for me and I thought that's
actually really powerful because once
you know like you can back out of this
stuff like you can if you get yourself
way in over your head just swim back to
shore you know what I mean like the the
danger of like truly drowning I mean
unless you're robbing banks is virtually
zero right so you can always unwind this
stuff so I just I go Full Steam and
there are times where like I'm in the
middle of something building something
and I think okay I can't I can't touch
anymore right I'm I am now officially
over my head and usually what that
feeling is is either I don't know how to
pull this off or worse I don't know if
this is the right thing anymore and I
kind of relish those moments a little
bit to like keep my calm keep my heading
because the moment you have unease or
uncertainty if you stop you'll never get
anywhere so you have to say okay I've
got a plan I'm going to stick with this
plan not until I'm unsure until I know
it's wrong once you know it's wrong
change direction but just because you're
unsure keep going and that's that's a
big thing and I think people need to
really really really get comfortable
with uncertainty they need to get very
comfortable with self-doubt because it
is ever present and they need to know
what they're trying to do if you have a
Clear Vision for what you're trying to
accomplish then you can just check like
is what I'm doing actually moving me
forward or not and if it is keep doing
it and then just be willing to assess
like when you have unease like really
look at it really look is it the unease
of uncertainty or is it the unease of
like I know this is
wrong that's a very good point very good
point um next question um from atasa
asao God I'm sorry I messed up your name
I know I did I'm going to go out and say
I messed up your name but that sounds
cool I got the last one right though uh
who were your main
mentors for me it's always been authors
so um my story is getting somewhat
famous at this point of Stephen King
changed my life so that was a big one he
uh had a huge influence on me didn't
really mean to maybe a little loose to
call him a
mentor um Lau who wrote the daing that
was huge that had such a big impact on
me um God man countless tone Robbins was
huge for me uh the guys who ended up
being my business partners at Quest were
huge mentors for me my wife a huge
Mentor for me and then it go that's
amazing to hear that oh for sure for
sure for sure and then hopefully it goes
without saying my parents who you know
at the beginning that was all can I dig
a little bit why do you consider Lisa a
mentor um I think my wife has super deep
insights into me I think there are times
where she can see things that I don't
necessarily see right away and getting
that feedback is incredibly powerful um
my wife is also just a an equally driven
ambitious person who has insights in
life about people um that I drink very
very deeply of and then she really lives
what I'll call sort of our life
philosophy of if I'm rocked to my knees
don't get on your knees with me and put
an arm around me and cry with me and
tell me everything's going to be okay
help me back to my feet brush me off and
remind me of who I'm trying to become so
she's been really really amazing at that
and then she's the one that really
helped me see that um I what I'll call
sort of a major flaw in my relationship
game which was I thought she would want
me to be better at everything than her
and that that was the only way that she
would really be impressed with me as a
man okay and she helped me see that
that's really dumb and who would ever
want to be worse than the closest person
to them in their life at everything
right this is how like siblings get into
real trouble cuz you compare yourself to
the person that you're around right
proximity is the determining factor to
who you judge yourself against and when
one sibling shines at something even
though the other sibling like when I
think about the um the Venus and Serena
Williams oh yeah unfortunately I don't
know who's better but I promise you
whoever believes themselves to be worse
even though they are one of the greatest
tennis players of all time they measure
themselves against their sister and so
it probably eats at them a bit and I met
these two social influencers brothers
and one of them is just doing better
than the other and he struggles with it
the one that's doing where struggles but
it's like but in terms of influencers
dude your your following is massive and
if you were comparing yourself against
virtually any other human being on the
planet like just like magnitude is
bigger but you compare yourself so
anyway my wife show me that doesn't make
sense and that making sure in a
relationship that each of you have those
areas of strength that you're recognized
for that that you're celebrated for that
and you I mean just things like that
she's always been there for me and I met
her when I was young so she's really
been just a tremendous shaping influence
and this may be controversial but you
shape people through reward and
Punishment and so I really feel like she
has rewarded and punished me into being
a better person so that's powerful for I
love hearing that um Athena Don asks Tom
what are your thoughts when it comes to
the simulation Theory you know this is
interesting so um I I am obsessed with
the Matrix I think we all know that
and you would think that like I would be
hardcore about the fact that we live in
a simulation yeah and every I feel that
this is interesting I'm realizing this
as we talk I have the exact same feeling
about simulation theory that I have
about God there is something I don't
understand I am very very aware of that
but the current descriptions don't make
sense so to me the current descriptions
of God don't make sense like they just
don't from a religious perspective and
then the current descriptions of the
simulation Theory don't make sense there
are things that we don't understand for
instance um Peter diamandis who I think
is one of the smartest human beings on
the planet who actually believes that we
are in an nth generation simulation says
like one of the things that makes him
think that we're in a simulation is the
age of the Earth or the sorry the age of
the universe and it's
like if we're digital then it's not
there is no age right so this CU I
pushed him and I said well you would
never create a simulation that you
couldn't see the result of right so was
saying was well you could be living time
like this incredibly sped up thing right
so okay well then if that's true like
the metrics by which you're judging like
using the whatever four billion years of
the universe like to say that we're
probably nth generation like you're
saying that time is totally relative
that it's actually not a real stable
thing then how does that
explain if this is all just a simulation
and time is this totally um
manipulatable variable how does that
actually explain it so I it's the
argument that everybody that believes in
the simulation theory that believes in
it it goes like this that if we as a
species are moving towards actually
being able to
replicate in a simulated environment our
own reality then it just makes sense
that it would be infinitely um it's not
quite cursive I don't know what the the
like opposite version of that but that
we would do it forever and ever and ever
right so that the first civilization to
do it would then ultimately create a an
indistinguishable reality um and then if
that's true then the reality that's born
in that would be ever marching towards
it and then they would create a
simulation and they would ever March
towards it and they would create a
simulation but here's the problem all of
that presupposes I believe the
singularity now the singularity is the
moment as defined by Ray kwell is the
the moment at which technology is
advancing so rapidly we can no longer
predict it so now you're making you're
literally saying hey we live in this
simulation which is a prediction Beyond
The Singularity I just don't think that
we have the ability to accurately
predict what it's going to look like
Beyond The Singularity it's a lot of fun
and I'm really glad people do it and I
am utterly obsessed with the Matrix
because it's such a powerful allegory
for today for the way that we live for
the way that we think about ourselves
for the way that we think about Society
like it's a incredibly powerful
mythology so you will see me only get
more obsessed with it as time goes on
but do I actually think we're living in
a simulation
no yeah it's one of those things I go
back and forth for the most part I
absolutely do not believe that it just
feels and sounds crazy um you know I I
cuz I wonder one question no one could
ever answer who theorizes that we're
living in a simulation is when the
simulation
began I you you just never really get a
clear answer from that I mean who would
know if we are living in one but and I
think you might be asking the more
interesting question and this used to
freak me out as a kid okay you ready for
this one yeah all right if you build a
house what do you need before you can
build a house well you need the frame
you need the the wood you need whatever
you need to let's get really basic you
need a plot of land yes of course you
need a plot of land so my whole thing
was the universe is the house what's the
plot of land and then when you get to
the plot of land then you realize the
Earth and once you realize the Earth
then you realize space once you realize
space you realize the universe once you
you realize Universe you ask the
question what's the universe sitting on
if the universe is ever expanding what's
it expanding into yeah like that I can
freak myself out so when I do that whole
thing and ask all those recursive
questions then I get to the point where
I go there's something I don't
understand and I'm willing to accept it
like I get it there's a fundamental flaw
in the way that human minds are able to
comprehend of Eternity or whatever and
people round it to
God I just think there's something we
don't get and we're trying to explain it
in human terms and it just clearly
transcends humans so whatever it is so
the whole thing for me is knowing that
we're sort of these meat suits that we
um have biology that if I adjust the
physical structures of your brain I will
fundamentally alter the way that you
perceive reality and yourself all of it
it's crazy so knowing that all of that
is
true I don't even know how I was going
to finish that statement the
whole the whole point of that like
thinking about way that we process data
is to understand that like we are
existing sort of in this thin slice of
the umelt right and we are trying to
interpret everything through that like
we're trying to make the universe make
sense through like The Limited senses
that we have our limited ability to
perceive and all of that so to think
that we actually grasp the answer is I
don't know it it's not smart so I think
anybody that's that thinks that they
actually understand what's happening I
don't think you're you're accepting the
terrifying reality of a limited umelt
enough oh to that point again you know
we base what we know about the universe
off of the elements that we know here
any elements that we I mean again that
we know here that are in our solar
system but as you and I know and
everyone else you can watch any video
like on YouTube uh to show you the size
of the universe you ever watch those
videos you mean the solar system or the
universe the universe the known universe
the known universe yes and even yeah
even then they always kind of expand
outside of the known universe in those
videos and for those of you who haven't
seen it just Google or go to YouTube and
say um video of the size of the universe
and they'll there are several videos
where they start with some of them start
with a cell and they go out uh to like a
human body and then of course to a city
to to the United States or whatever
country you're in and then uh to the
Earth and then it just keeps going and
going and going and going and as you're
going and you're just realizing like oh
my God how tiny just even our solar
system is in the Milky Way and how tiny
you know the Milky Way is and just a a
cluster of galaxies and and it just
keeps going and going and going we don't
have the answers to the elements out
there so how can we factor in what we
know about the universe based on you I
mean it's just insane there's just so
much out there at least from what we
know uh just we can't apply it to what
we think and know yeah it just doesn't
make sense so that trips me out but
again there were moments where I'm
driving down the street and this has
happened several times maybe I'm just
crazy where I remember one time I was in
the car driving down the street and I
I'm kind of a progressive driver I don't
speed maybe a little bit but I move I
don't just sit in the lane I never sit
in anyone's blind spot cuz that's how
accidents happen
I just I keep it moving you finesse it I
finessed it yes so I remember one time I
I see this woman in this really weird
blue uh and it's just some type of off
blue Mustang convertible Mustang she was
blonde and she had an orange 80s glasses
so very distinct like look at this woman
Arizona plates I'll never forget that
progressively I get past her and I'm
just moving right and I swear about two
miles up I'm driving and I'm like there
goes that woman again she's ahead of me
I'm like and she's not driving fast
she's driving and just singing and how
is she in front of me again I've got to
believe somebody's typing into the
comments right now glitch in The Matrix
I'm telling you that's when I was like
holy crap we are in a simulation how did
that happen there there's a glitch but
then again you you always hear that it's
really your brain how Deja is your brain
just kind of or that you just spaced out
for a brief second she did pass you by
she's one of those crazy drivers that
led foot then breaks you know so my gut
instinct is that that's more likely than
that the fabric of the universe is not
what we understand but you know I like
where your head's at orange glasses and
Arizona plates I'm telling you in that
off blue Mustang watch out for her if
you watch someone's going to see her be
like I saw that woman um oh I can't
believe you didn't bring up your real
thing about how you know about the
Multiverse and all that oh God like
Shazam Shazam I'm sure you guys have
seen this
too about two months ago was it no more
more than that that's right yeah um or
was it more than
that basically on
you uh there's this movie in the 90s
that existed in my universe at least
that simbad the comedian started in
called Shazam where he played a bumbling
genie who gets Le out of a bottle and he
can't get his wishes right that he
presents to people and again it stars
simbad the comedian and it's called
Shazam okay so now there's a story C
culating that thousands hundreds of
thousands of people believe that this
movie exists and I'm reading this story
and I'm like what what are they talking
about they believe this movie exists
it's Shazam I know this movie exists in
fact even before I read it I just saw
the headline uh simbad movie that
everyone thinks exist that doesn't and I
was like what what are they talking
about Shazam because that's the only one
I could think of our man of the house
and then I'm reading this story about
how Shazam doesn't exist and everyone
believes Shazam exists and I'm like what
are they talking about and I go on IMDb
Shazam does not exist I look everywhere
Shazam does not exist and even simbad
comes out and says I don't know why
people think Shazam exists I was never
in a movie called Shazam I'm like now
Simba is turned on me Shazam exists and
how come that many people so I started
calling all my friends being like hey
remember that movie with Sinbad where he
played a genie and they're like yeah
Shazam it doesn't exist they're like
what the hell you mean it doesn't exist
I'm like look it up it doesn't exist so
it's so strange even weirder I
screenwrite on the side I used to do it
all the time I wrote a script in like
2001 where there's a joke in the script
about this bad movie that simbad did
called
Shazam how come back in 2001 I'm writing
about Shazam a movie that took place in
the 90s but this this movie suddenly
doesn't exist so there are theories
going around that there uh that the
universes as we know or the realities
that we know have fractured so someplace
somewhere there is a me somewhere who's
sitting around being like wait there's a
movie called Shazam simbad what
and I'm over here missing Shazam so I
don't know sometimes when I think of
stuff like that I believe that our
realities have fractured or there's a
glitch in our simulation that is amazing
so I'm sure there are people out there
like what Shazam that doesn't exist so I
love that story yeah um so our next
question by the way you're getting a
glimpse into so every Friday we do a
team lunch and everyone their favorite
part of Team lunch is Dr finesse story
time they're incredible it's one story
like Shazam after another it's it's
amazing I wish you guys could see like
all The Smiling Faces here that's
hilarious Story Time Dr Story Time with
Dr I gotta get like a little smokers
jacket
absolutely uh question from janic
dresser uh is there a certain sentence
or phrase you tell yourself when you're
feeling
down um yes so the what one do I use
when I'm feeling down it really depends
like I'm going to shorthand it to what
she can use use the real answer is it
completely depends in the situation um
but the sort of goto generic one is this
to shall pass that that is an insanely
important uh statement in my life to
know like to believe okay there's a very
big difference to know something and to
believe it to the core of your being I
know to the core of my being that every
emotion no matter how intense will
dissipate over time it just does and the
only thing that doesn't dissipate is if
you hardwire something so take PTSD
right you've you've wired something
together it's not that that
neurochemistry won't pass it will right
just the hard wiring is going to remain
there and so now when something triggers
it it replays really fast so it's sort
of always there waiting to be replayed
but no one can stay even in a like PTSD
flashback Moment Forever it's everything
dissipates and then understanding why it
dissipates because of the way that
neurochemistry works and understanding
that you can take control of that that
you can un wind any of the wiring so
like when I'm down I am so careful and I
want everyone listening to this to
understand this I am so careful not to
let it hardwire like I really I that's
why I give myself if I and I've mentally
rehearsed this one a thousand times if I
was uh paralyzed or diagnosed with um
like what Steven Hawking has and I knew
that like I either lost immediately or
was going to lose the function of my
body I give myself 30 days to more
day 31 like done and you have to move
forward dude you absolutely have to and
there have been times nothing that
dramatic but there have been times in my
life where it's like whoa that really
sucks you take time to mourn and then
and literally set the number of days
because at the end of it you're not
going to feel like not mourning anymore
you're going to want to keep mourning so
especially if it's something that
there's a constant reminder of so you
just have to say I have this many days
to mourn decide now when you're in an
emotionally sober State and then hold
yourself to it when the time comes and
that's it and you just like and then you
start forcing yourself forcing yourself
to smile forcing yourself to laugh force
yourself to watch comedies read funny
things like literally there's a process
to this stuff and just yeah so anyway
back to her question this to shall pass
no I think that's great I you know it's
one of those phrases I've heard
throughout my life and it just wasn't
applicable to me uh for the most part
until my mom passed away and I'll never
forget uh uh a previous host I worked
for tabis Smiley said that this to shall
pass I remember there was a part of me
in my head I was like oh man and I there
was this weird part for a second where I
got upset because I was like my mom
passed away this feels awful there was
no way this is going to pass and it
passed it did I mean of course there
were days I still just breaking the
tears thinking about her but that
overwhelming feeling of grief it really
did pass and it made me realize how
resilient we are as humans and I think
people need to remind themselves that we
are resilient and this too shall pass
and you'll get through it and and I
forget the power of that statement so
you just reminded me about that and I'm
going to use that just with even minor
things for sure yeah I love that one um
the next question is from Lindsey Han do
you recommend any tools to improve
speaking skills you speak incredibly
eloquently when communicating your
vision and inspiring others thank you
that is a big thing and I hear people
say that about you all the time so yeah
what what do you do there's two things I
read a lot
a lot right like can we just talk about
that for a second like read read people
are po they're pouring heart and soul
they're giving you secrets to the
universe because humans have this
wonderful wiring where it feels so good
I love it Christopher when people write
and say like you've impacted my life
you've changed me thank you so much like
that feels so good people will never
stop sharing their secrets because that
feels so wonderful to be like whoa I
worked really hard to gain this
information I want to share I want to
share I want to share a it feels good
just to help people and then B to get it
reflected back it actually worked like
that's amazing so books are incredible
people pour their heart and soul their
secrets everything into them and you get
to like see that logic hear the
sentences watch the flow like all of it
you're just like soaking it in the ideas
and they're becoming part of you the
second thing is if you want to get good
at something do that thing in a
disciplined practice format okay there
is a very big difference between talking
a lot and becoming persuasive oh yeah so
one of the things that I do to be
persuasive that I get credit for now
because I do an interview show but
listening right like stop and listen one
of the things that I'm Uber proud of
myself for getting good at and watch
you'll see me do it if I see someone go
I know they want to talk and I'll stop M
and if for whatever reason I keep
talking I almost always will acknowledge
I know you want to say something I just
need to like because I need to reinforce
it myself like and the reason that I do
that is once someone has something to
say they're not listening anymore like
they are now waiting for their turn to
say something so you're way better Ah
that's true
yeah
see but that's true though and that
that's very true yeah I will literally
stop myself mid-sentence and if I see
somebody taking the breath I'm like you
were about to say something it's dude
that kind of stuff's important so not
thinking that what makes me persu uve is
just my ability to explain that's a huge
part of it and you have to practice
talking for sure but you have to do it
in a disciplined practice kind of away
you really have to look at what are my
goals what am I trying to get good at
what am I bad at oh I'm bad at like
recognizing when they want to talk okay
I need to start practicing that and and
by practicing it I mean in real life
just start doing it and uh yeah so my
wife no Jared and I Jesus that's
terrifying that I confused Jared with my
wife uh we were working on an article
what was thatting weird it's getting
weird really fast right uh we were
working on an article yesterday and um
oh God where was I going with that
that's twice today and I slept well last
night I'm not sure what's happening to
me um where I think I was talking about
discipline practice oh was going
somewhere what did I confuse talking
about you know speaking well discipline
and
practice I don't
remember yeah it was it was about
practicing oh that just all of life is
practice okay and we were talking about
that in the article that people really
have a hard like I think they think
there's something fancier going on and
it's really just never ever think life
is performance always think it's
practice like this episode of Q&A is not
performance it's practice um and I do
that this is something that I do a lot
when I'm there's a lot of pressure on me
I'll remind myself this is just practice
and once you believe that like you can
always come back from something and this
is Jared and I were talking about this
in the context of the article um there's
a great quote from Jimmy kry where he
said until you've like totally bombed
five times when somebody says tonight's
the night man if like so and so's in the
audience if if you make an impression
like your career's made don't mess this
up man this is he said until you like
mess that up five times he like you
haven't even started yet and that really
left an impression on me cuz he became
so big and so famous so for him to say
that he had messed like that magical
night up so many times I was like that
helps to know that just keep going man
what happens is people mess up that
night where people tell them there's all
kinds of pressure and then they crumble
because they think that they blew it but
if you know ah doesn't matter if I [ __ ]
this up like I'll come back I'll do it
again and again and again and Claw my
way back up and I've never been so I
think of it as like MMA rankings right
so at first you're not ranked and then
you get all the way and now it's like
your title shot you're ranked number one
but if you then win or sorry take that
fight and lose you don't go back to
number one Contender you normally like
way drop down the list and I've never
been afraid to do that I've never been
afraid to like mess that moment up or
whatever and then know that okay now I'm
going to have to spend the next six
months like clawing my way back up and
I've just like I've always believed that
my superpower is the willingness to
endure that like if I just keep going
like I know other people going to fall
off and this started in film school
because everyone moved back home
everyone they came to La La ate them up
sent them back home and like one after
another within like 18 to 24 months
people were just like dropping like
flies and I was like well then I'll just
make my thing I'm not going to stop and
I remember people saying like what's
your cut off date like how many years do
you put into this and I was like
literally I'm going to delude myself
like even if I'm 80 and I still have a
made I'm just going to keep almost there
almost there like I just got to keep
going and because I've always believed
that that was like a superhero strategy
I've just kept employing it kept
employing it and Christopher when this
studio is what I know it's going to be
do you know how hard I'm going to laugh
like I'm going to laugh because I just
outlasted I just kept coming back and
kept coming back and kept coming
back yeah uh I think that's true with
people especially any big city but I
could only speak for La you know you see
that a lot there are so many transplants
out here with dreams and people out here
to make something of themselves but it's
so crazy how quickly people re you know
jump back to their comfort after failure
yep it's unbelievable and it's the same
thing with me I moved here from Boston
it was a predominant film uh School even
acting in there and people who came out
here it didn't work out for them within
the first year year and a half and they
bounced and I remember thinking God
that's it's only a year and a half to
two years and what what helped me was to
think of other success stories and how
often people failed and how it didn't
happen overnight and even the people you
thought it happened overnight to it
wasn't overnight right they just put in
so much work so
and what you just said reminds me of
what you said another time how you're
always looking you're not you don't want
to remain stagnant you're always looking
for ways to succeed even when you feel
that you've succeeded you haven't
succeeded because you could always go
got move that goal yeah my new obsession
is terraforming terraforming it and
that's just code I don't actually plan
to terraform but to dream so big that
you say I'm going to take that planet
out there and I'm going to make it
habitable like that's that's a dream you
know what I mean like true hey when
you're willing to do that with a
straight face and then like do the
incremental steps that it's required to
actually pull that off like I'm about it
I'm about it and so I will just keep
like there's things that I have to
accomplish before that but I'm just
going to keep going and tell because I
don't think that what we're doing here
to make this bigger than Disney that's
not terraforming right it's big was not
terraforming so we'll just keep
executing and because I plan to live
forever and by the way no one's going to
laugh harder than me if I die like let's
just like call say can I tell you what I
my wife won't let me do it but do you
know what I wanted my uh funeral to be
like uhhuh I wanted my body to be like
this I wanted to greet
people oh my God like you know like
animatronics like i' be a terrifying
funeral Cindy didn't see she's like look
she's like what I found it so funny that
and she was just like there's no
Universe right cuz she's you know like
you were saying about your mom she would
be in the grips of Greek to come in and
I'm
like but you have to laugh at this
terrifying oh my God you have to so yeah
if you can't laugh at your own death
what can you laugh at that's pretty
amazing um the next question is from
Carlos Arona Tom how do you get to know
the people working for you and
strategies on how to start would be
nice um I don't get to know people that
are working for me any differently than
I get to know anybody else so if you
want to be interesting be interested um
I also happen to be I am so desperate to
learn that just hearing people's story
and finding out what they're about like
that's fun for me I also happen to
really like people so even though I'm
never afraid to be alone um I do enjoy
people and I find that to be sort of a
weird um dichotomy in me it's like I am
intensely not intensely I'm an Ambi
avert once I had that word I really
began to understand myself because I I'm
sort of I lean introverted by nature but
I find it relatively easy to go
extroverted but when I recharge or
recharge by myself but I really do enjoy
people um so I want to get to know
people ask questions that's very simple
uh take the time to sit down and write a
few stock questions that you have that
that way you're not like trying to think
of the question that you just there are
things that you have you know and then I
um I am excitable and fascin right so
like I want to hear somebody's story I
want to know what makes them unique I
want to see things from their
perspective and that that really
captures me and like gets me going and
it's super intriguing um and then I am
not afraid to ask really inappropriate
questions that are way too intimate to
be asking somebody that you work with uh
so I yeah I just ask all those questions
and I find that when people get over
that sort of initial shock of I can't
believe you're asking me this um then
some really interesting things happen
and so that's why my interviews are so
weird and I definitely rub people some
people the wrong way like there's no
question and I know in my future
somebody is going to write like a glass
door review about my interview style and
be like the [ __ ] is wrong with that guy
but like I I am increasingly beginning
to realize I'm a filtering mechanism
okay I am not for everybody I fully
understand that and my job is to filter
and this fact this is what I was talking
about with are we talking openly about
we are because I well I said it was a
secret thing I don't know what my whole
thing is with Secrets recently I find it
fun it's intriguing right like I'm
trying to to peque people's interest so
anyway we were with um Jared Adams if
you guys haven't seen his episodes
Absolutely in incredible that guy's
amazing and as I was talking to him I
realized what I was about to tell him
might totally turn him off and I was
like doesn't [ __ ] matter like he
needs to know who I am and so I was just
like look this is what we're really
about and um I'm a filtering mechanism
so if you if you get it if you
understand what we're really trying to
do and it aligns with what you want to
do amazing but I'm not going to sell you
on what we're trying to do so and it
went amazingly well that's great in fact
I haven't even brought you guys up to
speed last night was amazing I can't
wait to hear about it yeah for sure it
would be really interesting to hear what
Cindy and Casey thought yeah um but I
had an amazing time um I'm going to do a
couple things before moving on to one
thing in particular uh couple shout outs
from Bonnie noell in
Seattle yeah sandre helis mark from
Norway uh Carlos Arona which we just had
a question from from Chile Chile uh and
I want to Circle back so someone just
said could it be Kazam that Shaq was in
regarding the Shazam with
believe me it is not Kazam in fact when
Kazam came out and Shaq was playing a
Genie in a movie called Kazam I remember
vividly being like ripping off
Shazam same they are ripping off Shazam
and again you hear this from a lot of
people if you Google this that comes up
a lot and people are always like no and
they thought the same thing right they
thought that the Shaq movie ripped off
Shazam it it's weird and I would never
mix up Shaq and Sinbad one a
light-skinned brother the other one's a
dark skinn brother he's like 7 foot tall
it's not going to happen I'm not going
to mix those two
up you heard it here
first uh question from F Fu Hong uh do
you use an app for medication and um I
see you wearing headphones in your
videos yes so uh yes we all know anyone
who's worked with Tom knows about the
headphones but yes I'll let you chime in
there yeah so I do very much so I use an
app called calm I do not do guided
meditation I just listen to the s in
fact guided meditation makes me want to
punch people indiscriminately I don't
know what it is I hate it so much I
can't even tell it drives me crazy so
don't do those um I listen to the sounds
of nature so if it's dark out I do
everything based on the real what's
really going on so if it's nighttime I
listen to like nighttime sounds if it's
nighttime and it's like raining I'll
listen to the sounds of rain um if it's
you know like a beautiful bright sunny
day like it is today I'm going to listen
to the sounds of like a medow with like
birds chirping and stuff um so and I
somehow knowing that I'm echoing what's
actually outside like really puts me in
the zone even though I'm inside the only
sort of exception to that is if it's a
bright sunny day I will listen to the
tropical beach even though I'm not near
the beach um and I find that incredibly
incredibly soothing you can see it from
your house though you can see the ocean
uh yeah which is like a whole thing
views make a difference and my wife
convinced me that I wasn't yeah old I
don't want to do ra on that but uh
so yeah I definitely do sounds get in
the zone I find it so impactful that if
if I'm like stressed out no joke three
minutes with the sounds of nature and I
chill and even like sometimes if I'm
doing contracts I'll listen to music
with no lyrics and other times like if
the contract is making me really [ __ ]
stressed then I'll put on the sounds of
nature and like
itoo
interesting um a question from Haru
radescu again I hope I got that right uh
any tips on quitting smoking are any
habit oh
man you ready for the the best bad
advice you've ever received in your life
okay
I'm I actually considered getting
addicted to opiates just so I just so I
could show people what like quitting is
about wow terrible idea yes we can all
agree so I didn't do it in the end but
here's the thing you have to want to
suffer like once the ability to suffer
is part of your identity like I'm so
looking forward to the 3-day fast
because it's going to hurt right it
isn't going to be fun and because it's
not going to be fun and because I'm
willing to do it anyway way because I
have all these mental tricks that I put
into place to make sure that I could
actually get through something like that
I will be so proud of myself for
enduring that
suffering that you have to want that
right so if I were smoking I would
change my identity immediately and say
I'm not I am not beholden to a [ __ ]
cigarette you must be out of your mind
so under no circumstance right now I
smoke the next second I do not smoke ner
the twain shall meet I'm done my
identity is so strong dude to back down
and smoke a cigarette when you make that
kind of [ __ ] aggressive proclamation
to yourself and to the rest of the world
if I I would come on here and i' would
be like I'm never smoking another
cigarette as long as I live you think I
would back down from that dude I want
people to understand this like your
identity is the driver get excited about
your identity but you've got a you've
that same way that like anger will allow
you to endure more pain the level of
aggression and intensity that you can
put into saying you are something you
act a certain way and in those moments
of weakness which are coming for you I'm
never blindsided by them I know a moment
of weakness is coming for me but in that
moment Christopher I turn to my identity
I know who I am I am willing to suffer I
am willing to sit there and go this
sucks and all I want right now is a
cigarette and I will say as I do with
Hunger welcome my
friend I greet you as my friend I'm so
grateful that you've come back to me
because now in this moment where I'm
sitting starving and all I want is food
one I'm grateful to you for making me
leaner and two I'm grateful for you I'm
grateful to you for giving me the
opportunity to sit in suffering knowing
that because I want something because
suffering is in service of my goals
there's no chance I will bend or break I
will make it on the other side of this
so these guys know during the 3-day fast
I have asked them to cook food that
smells
amazing so that I can suffer so that I
can sit there and know with this
beautiful arrogance that I won't touch a
single bite of that and that I will love
the Aromas because they tempt me so
profoundly and I'm still not going to
break there's so much Beauty in that
there's so much Beauty in that as Joo
willing said there is freedom and
discipline once you know you're there's
no Universe in which I will break my
three-day fast can we agree yeah
Christopher there's no Universe I'm not
breaking my three-day fast in fact I
have I think uh will two or three
broadcasts in the middle of the fast
so is what it is like not going to do it
under any circumstance like so for
instance if um we had a massive episode
come up and it was
like Hey going to have to do the episode
fasted just know two ways about it going
to have to do the research fasted and
research fasted
oh like that is suffering because
there's there's nowhere to hide in all
of that you're just sitting there with a
computer um you have to embrace the
suffering so if it weren't
so damaging I would have to get a
serious addiction just so I can break
it that's monk level discipline right
there it's not it's monk level identity
Obsession once you're obsessed with your
identity then the behavior which
manifest as discipline is easy but you
have like understand my identity is
about being disciplined yeah if it was
just oh discipline comes naturally then
I would have no discipline it is that my
identity is about being able to fight
through stuff like that being able to do
the work and that's what I lean on like
at night when I really don't want to
keep working I remind myself
during the week if I'm awake I'm either
working or working out and so it's very
easy to assess am I working or working
out right now no then you're breaking
your own identity and I so want to be
that person that I can Envision that
then I get back to work that's amazing
uh Joshua Martell by the way says FYI I
Chang my work schedule for mornings to
evenings just so he can be a part of the
live
sessions pretty that's amazing dude
thank you man that guy honestly like if
there is a bright Center to our universe
he is in that small cluster of people
that's great great Joshua um question
from Jen golden how do you bridge the
gap between knowing something
intellectually versus truly
understanding it and putting it to use
action action I'm glad she gave me the
answer right in the question so um I am
I am just an aggressive absurd believer
that you have to act you have to act
like right away so when I learn
something new I try to put it into use
immediately immediately I begin
practicing it so if I read it at 801 at
802 no [ __ ] like I'm trying to put
it to use so and then that reinforce one
it reinforces whether it has utility or
not and then two like you start making
it that habit loop I also tell when
something's really profound I don't tell
everybody every little thing that I'm
trying but when something really hits me
and I'm like whoa I need to like really
make this a part of who I am I just
start telling people and then hopefully
somebody will use that against you and
in a moment where you're not doing it
they're like hey I thought you XYZ right
like somebody I said always say yes and
then somebody wanted me to do something
I was like oh man God I'm so tired I
don't know that oh no it was um um Matt
lagotti Matt lagotti what is up over at
Vayner Talent wanted me to do we were at
a Facebook party and he wanted me to do
those like um gift things where like you
do like Progressive stuff you're like no
I hate silly stuff I hate silly is the
one thing that
like yeah and he was like I thought you
were the say yes guy like you
[ __ ] so I went Christopher I
made silly faces oh I I can't imagine
that actually say
wow I cannot imagine that made the silly
faces wow uh this is a Tom and Dr
finesse question from Karen Davis hi Tom
first I can't thank you enough for all
the incredible tools and information you
share through all of the it shows and
inside quest of course before that love
them all can you please tell me about
your Evolution as a host when you were
first getting started and uh were when
you were unknown what steps did you take
to get to the point where you can
attract the kind of talent that you get
now what was effective for you in
pursuing talent and what is different
now and how can I uh best provide value
for the people that I'd like to
interview okay uh is there a Dr finesse
actually not I don't see that so well
here's the good news my answer to this
question is always the
same Dr finesse is a lynchpin he is the
key behind the guest that we get make no
mistake how do I get the guess by making
sure that this man is on the team like
that's how I get guess so I'm not even
going to take credit for that like this
team literally I think of myself as a
talent I show up I perform I do my
interviews I do the research but at the
end of the day the show is the team so
Dr finesse gets the guest in know
certain terms the man has a as I think
you guys can see just from your little
bit of time with him he's just an
incredible personality people want to be
around them you do that for 25 30 years
uh and you just collect an amazing group
of people that want to see you win
that's how the world looks at this man
they want to see him win I get to reap
the benefits of that because all the
people out in the industry that want to
see him win that he's been good to over
the years that he's fought for done
amazing things for save them been saved
by them and acknowledge them for saving
his ass which makes him want to do it
again like all of those things have
created this amazing reputation he's
also way more likely to push back on me
if I say hey I want to get this person
and he knows it wouldn't be a good move
for them he'll push back on me before
he'll go out and try to get them so he's
very guest protective which is a huge
ethos of our show we protect the guest
um and that just means that he's going
to continue to have a good reputation on
and on at infinitum um what was I like
as an early interviewer terrified I
think that's sort of the only word
terrified and driven so I'll give you
guys an example episode number one got
buried um this was back at inside Quest
episode one got buried because I didn't
know how to help the guest and the guest
essentially um froze and it was
literally it was a comedy routine and if
it were just me I could see releasing
the episode so you see how bad I was um
but it would implicate him he's such an
amazing human being I don't want to do
that to him the second episode we
recorded twice did you know that I did
not know that we recorded it twice back
to back so literally the whole interview
yes so imagine I'm doing the interview
and in the middle of the interview I'm
sitting there going I'm bored out of my
mind so I was like there are two opt
because I didn't know how to interview
so I'm like there are two options here
because I was getting the exact same
interview this guy had done a thousand
times and this is where I started to
conceive of the loop I'm like this is he
says this in every interview and I was
like I can't get him past it
so in literally the middle of the
interview I'm sitting there going this
is boring this is not moving me forward
uh so I'm either never doing this again
and we're just going to shut down the
show sorry guys it was a failure or
we're going to redo this and I'm going
to be me because I was trying to be the
interviewer I thought I was supposed to
be and so we wrapped it was like a full
hour like hour and a half if I remember
right it was long and it was one of
those where you're so spent at the end
of it and I just said to him that was
amazing I'm so grateful for you thank
you so much but I didn't do a good job
I'm not happy with what I've done I'm
really learning would you mind doing
that again it was John GLA and that man
was so gracious and so kind and did it
again immediately right then and there
we started over he was able to answer
the questions be fresh be energetic give
a great interview it was amazing and I
began to find my footing and I think if
hadn't shown me that Grace courtesy
kindness um I don't know what would have
happened cuz he let me practice
essentially he let me practice in like a
super naked raw vulnerable way it was
amazing I'm eternally indebted to that
man W ended up being a great interview
that's I did not know that story that's
amazing um I guess Karen since you
presented this as a Tom and Dr finesse
question I'll answer um that question
also uh Tom said what he said about me I
have the connects and you know I've been
through the industry long enough to uh
sus out my connections and bring them
here but in reality those people would
wouldn't come here if they didn't see
the value in the show and that's the
trick you know I remember when I started
um this show was fairly new when I
started on inside Quest um and in the
world of PR when you're getting their
clients to come on a show if they don't
know somebody and uh and if it isn't
mainstream then you're dead in the water
they just don't come so the trick was uh
to convince them to come here not just
using my connections and using my clout
I had to bring them here if they saw
value and they immediately saw value
when they saw Tom's interview in style
because uh I can safely say this and I
and I say this all the time in all my
pictures and I've mentioned this to you
I tell people straight across the board
that his interviewing style is unrivaled
unrivaled and I've worked with all types
of interviewers all types uh from
different backgrounds different news
outlets different statuses and again
unrivaled uh you bring something to the
table that a lot of those interviewers
don't bring and that's understanding and
that you listen these other other
interviewers listen too but again there
there's an agenda they're produced and
they have questions to ask whereas you
Meander with the interview it's like
you're like some of them are God uh the
N River and you're an
ocean you know what I mean like you you
you go with the wind and the wave and uh
the elements and you go along with it
and that's what makes it really
important and I think people see that
when they watch these interviews no I
know they see it they they right away
they think this guy is a solid
interviewer um and booking is really
complex especially when you get into uh
the top tier type of guest like the
A-list guest there's so many factors you
know you have um their managers who have
to sign off on it there publicity who
have to sign off on it they day-to-day
managers who have to sign off the talent
themselves who have to sign off uh and
their public relations their personal
public relations it's there are so many
moving pieces it's so complex you got to
play the game you got to go out for
drinks even if you don't drink much I've
mastered faking drinking it's
unbelievable uh but there are so many
variables but so there's a lot for them
to agree on but if if there's one thing
they all agree on um whether it's a no
or yes is that you're a solid
interviewer so again my job is pointless
uh unless there's a great interviewer
attached to a show like this and we just
happen to have an amazing interviewer so
that's the answer to my question it's a
two-way street thank you if that makes
sense did I use that phrase is that
appliable that I'm the worst at phrases
my wife always points that out like
colloquialisms and phrases I always use
them inappropriately she's like that's
not where you
say oh you did all right okay um okay
question oh this is a great question
from Ryan Stanley Tom what what
compelled you to shift from your goal to
end metabolic disease to impact Thea so
that's easy I always saw Wellness as a
360° Endeavor that had to Encompass not
only the body but the mind and so ending
metabolic disease is only one half of
the equation I always thought Quest
would be my forever company um never
expected to leave it I thought that we'd
be able to get the brand to be flexible
enough that each of us could bring our
own other interests into it and I
learned a hard lesson about the way that
people identify with the brand and so
for those of you who don't know we
actually tried to launch Quest apparel
um which was something we were all
excited about and that crash and burn
because people were not looking at a
protein bar company uh you know for high
fashion and so that was a painful lesson
because we thought but wait like we're
interested we're passionate like this
whole mindset thing because Quest
apparel was supposed to bring mindset to
clothing MH and we did it in a horrific
way which was like really subdued and
subtle so it was like nice clothes with
like these empowering statements was so
bizarre but it was like it felt so right
and so that was a time where we just we
weren't being realistic about the way
that um trying to marry fashion and
mindset we just weren't and then when I
thought okay we're we were so successful
I mean the company's just crushing
crushing crushing making money hand of
her fist going incredibly well now is
the time I really want to show people
the mindset behind behind what allowed
us to build that and that was something
I always thought we're not getting
enough credit like we get credit for
making an amazing product but people
don't understand like we made like
crucial decisions along the way that had
to do with mindset that allowed us to
accomplish what we accomplished and the
ability to keep up the growth that was
all mindset to build the culture that
was all mindset like there was this
thing at the core of quest that made us
successful that wasn't about the product
all of our marketing all of it was all
mindset and so I wanted to show people
and I thought now is my chance like to
bring out this other side and also part
of a big part of why I started inside
Quest was I was afraid that the I always
wanted whatever company I'm involved in
to be the best thing that happened to
the employees right just like to be a
magical magical experience and so we had
the 25 bullet points which are the
impact Theory belief system and it
was being memorized but not necessarily
lived and that was my fear when I wrote
them was that people memorize them but
they're not going to live them and so I
wanted to bring on other successful
people to learn from myself um and to
help them see like you're going to see
this pattern over and over and over over
and over and over about what a
successful mindset looks like and so
that I thought man it's going to be
amazing people are really going to get
it and it just it was going to be a long
slow slog and I was going to force my
partners down a financial road that
didn't necessarily make sense to them
and so it's like uh like like what do
you do um with that and so we just
reached a point where for me to
live the mission that I want which is
Wellness body and mind the Mind company
had to exist the body company was
already crushing it so the only way the
Mind company was going to happen it
wasn't going to happen inside Quest
because it was very clear that the
consumer just could not make the leap
between the mindset and the protein bar
right they love the protein bar they got
it they the fitness all of it they got
it they didn't get the Mind stuff so we
were building two separate things
unintentionally I always thought that
they would merge together and so we just
said okay now is the time you know we
had made enough money off the company I
never had to think about money again um
and it just became about spinning that
studio off into a standalone thing to
have the kind of cultural impact on
mindset that I want to have it's not
about one-on-one it's about literally
changing the way that a kid in the Inner
City thinks or a kid in a favella or um
a wealthy person in Bahrain whatever
like just getting people on a mindset
that's sort of humanity plus and scales
and is personally empowering right so
all that stuff and and me recursively
asking the question no [ __ ] what
would it take to do that and the answer
was had to be a studio had to leverage I
me we've gone into this a thousand times
I won't derail here but like all of the
things that impact Theory stands for
that's what it had to be so this is me
completing the circle um so metabolic
disease ending that was very specific to
the the pandemic of the body but the
pandemic of the Mind still had to be
addressed and it just became clear to me
that I wasn't gifted enough as an
entrepreneur to do them in the same
company um and maybe one day I will
crack that nut and I'll realize how it
really can be holistic I just I wasn't
good enough to do it so um I had to spin
it off into a standalone company so here
we are good answer we are at the hour
mark wow 11:02 fun
um it's my first time doing it when do
you guys normally stop now okay yeah
unfortunately we have to W so we're back
to this camera guys thank you so much
for joining us and as always if this
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legendary take care