Kind: captions
Language: en
hey everybody welcome to another episode
of Facebook live Q&A I'm your host Tom
Bilu and I'm here with the voice hello
everyone Cindy in the house what's up
all right so uh first of all thank you
guys so much for joining us and share
share share I think that's the name of
the game um so if this is adding value
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numbers have been going up up up during
our lives which is rad exting and we
agregate yes thank you very much we
aggregate these questions from across
our social channels um so we kick off
usually with something that uh came in
previously and then if you would start
dropping your questions in we will be
able to answer them before the end of
the live yes if we keep our questions
tight because we have a lot answers
let's be fair yeah answers tight answers
tight so this is all on me all right and
I am not good at keeping my answers
tight that's the truth that is the truth
but the thing is you're trying to answer
the full depth of the question exact we
have a lot of good in depth questions
all right so this first one comes from
Jennifer chub she's in Japan so she's
not tuned into to this live but she made
sure to submit through the connect inbox
so Tom I've heard you mention the term
bright line several times in uh
reference to your eating schedule did
you learn about the concept from anyone
SL anywhere specific also do you have
any other bright lines you've
implemented in your life that have been
particularly
useful uh I did learn about it somewhere
unfortunately bright lines is one of
those things I don't remember where I
picked it up but I'm guessing if you
drop in in quotes into um Google bright
lines the original um person who coined
that term will pop up uh mad love to
whoever it is I'm very very grateful for
that concept um are there other bright
lines other than my diet those working
out is a bright line um like yeah there
so God this is going to go back to diet
I was going to say there's one bright
line that I have in the gym um like if I
have to work out really fast and I know
I'm not going to get you know all my
normal workout in I don't consider it a
workout unless I do three different
exercises of six sets each um so the
bright line there is that if I don't hit
that number then I don't click over into
a high protein diet I'll go into um a
ketogenic diet which that's what I do on
days that I work out I eat high protein
on days that I don't work out um I eat a
ketogenic diet um so a lot of times when
I'm traveling for instance and I'm not
able to get a full workout in or any
workout at all a lot of times I'll click
over into that but ultimately it is tied
back to diet so I mean there are other
things but like they're so obvious like
um my wife and I have bright lines in
the relationship no cheating no beating
that's nice and easy but I don't exactly
need a bright line for that uh that's so
core to who I am as a human being but
nonetheless like things like that are
there um other things that yeah that In
fairness I'd really have to think about
if I'm using bright lines it's bright
lines usually are for things where you
have a physical impulse to do them and
so eating working out for me those are
big ones so most of my bright lines
revolve around that right do you think
there's a way that you can establish
that in other areas of your of your life
or is it yeah for sure so even thinking
about it now things that are I've never
really thought of as bright lines but
are like my 8020 rule about never
spending more than 20% of your time in
the darkness looking at the uh you know
hatred and things like that um just cuz
that's so dangerous um not letting my
selft talk be too negative that's a
bright line um so yeah I mean anything
that you know if people are struggling
oh another bright line that I get out of
bed in 10 minutes or less um so things
like that yeah and I'm sure if I really
stop and look at it there's a lot of
areas where um I've got bright lines but
it's anything that you're struggling to
do if you create a bright line and you
just never deviate from that um and
that's why I did it with food it's so
easy to be like oh it's only a couple
minutes early like you know I'll just
eat this at 11:25 and then it's 11:15
and it's like well you know I mean it's
11: already as long as there's an 11 on
the clock you know and then it just like
keeps sliding until you you know you're
eating 4,500 calories a day cuz you've
got some excuse so God it makes sense
all right well hopefully that answered
your question Jennifer um next one comes
from Brian rot Camp also through the
connect box Tom once um you once made a
comment that it's really hard to live in
a state of gratitude 24/7 but learning
to reach into gratitude on a given in a
given moment is a necessary trait I'm
currently struggling with being grateful
with some parts of my life but not
others
how does mindset and gratitude work
together um it's interesting so living
in a state of gratitude not only is it
hard and we're doing a test today with
wook to see if we can uh keep her quiet
without locking her up and I would say
we're failing miserably um so what we
may have to revisit that uh but the
Gratitude living in an eternal state of
gratitude I actually think is not
effective it's not an effective strategy
so even more than I'll say it's not
possible I just don't think it's
effective to really pushing yourself and
driving um to really keepy and again
this is me right not everybody needs to
do that but if you really want to um
accomplish something on a grand scale
then you're going to have to cultivate
um dissatisfaction like you're going to
have to be able to turn to that I am
deeply dissatisfied with how well we're
keeping the dogs quiet right now um so
that that is a perfect example
uh so yeah you really need to get um
hardcore about one deciding what it is
you're trying to accomplish so if you
want a life that's stressfree and all of
that then really focusing on gratitude
is going to be super useful uh whereas
for me I do in an 8020 balance I'm
trying to spend about 80% of my time
really like being deeply grateful for
things and you know one example this
morning um leis and I were talking about
something and it was like there was one
way where you could frame it where it's
like this is kind of going wrong but
then on the other hand it's like there's
so much going right and so you know you
really have to that's when it's like the
8020 rule so we were both let's focus on
the things we're grateful for and we
literally just started listing them out
it's like the love of somebody that you
care so much about and have all this
respect for and you know and there she
is yay um and in putting ourselves in
that frame of reference it was like wow
it's crazy how fast that switches but
the reason that I think that it's
important not to only spend your time
there is you'll never be looking for
improvement like if you're just and you
know Tony Robbins talks a lot about
priming starting your day by thinking
about things you're grateful for sets
you up in the right way I think that's
really really smart um but then at the
same time like when I really think about
the things we're trying to accomplish
and we're not there yet and you know
we're at the very beginning of a very
long journey like the only way for me to
keep pushing my skill set and trying to
figure out like what is it that I don't
understand yet because we're not where
we want to be and always push that
forward that's really critical and
knowing how to do that gas break thing
is is pretty critical so it's for me
it's judging against um knowing where
I'm trying to get to and knowing that my
skill sets already taken me as far as
it's going to and so for me to get
farther I have to develop something new
have a new insight gain a new skill
whatever the case may be um and and that
comes from being pleasantly dissatisfied
that's something I want people to
understand like it isn't me like I'm not
sitting in that dissatisfaction and like
punching myself in the MTH I'm sitting
there like kind of smug like yeah
[ __ ] you're you're willing to
look at that you're willing to look at
where you're weak you're willing to look
at where you're underperforming and so
as I'm looking at the things that I'm
wildly dissatisfied by I'm also feeling
good about myself for being willing to
do that and so like understanding that
what you build your self-esteem around
is critical and that gratitude is only
part of the puzzle and it's a very
effective part of the puzzle but for
people to think well I you know do my
three minutes of gratitude in the
morning or every time I think of
something negative I go to gratitude
that's great but at some point it
becomes a pacifier and there's something
else going on and maybe you're building
your self-esteem around something that's
fragile and so you keep having to rely
on gratitude to like knock you out of
this sort of self um negativity space
where if you just switched your
self-esteem from like being smart or
being right which is where I spent my
time to being a learner and now all of a
sudden like you get to feel good about
yourself not for knowing something just
for being willing to go out and learn
right so cuz you're now opening yourself
up to new possibilities and different
paths all right uh so this next one
comes from Jesse and Jenia Silva nice um
know they exactly our Philly fam so they
want to know Tom so your last few impact
quote videos show an intensity and
Charisma the feeli 10x compared to
previous pieces what has happened um to
what do you attribute this rise in
presentation depth and sheer
intensity um accepting that I'm not yet
good enough and looking at those is
something to get better at and watching
them and saying okay what did I like
what did I not like what are we missing
um and then we've also started working
with a new editor who I think is
visually doing something that then makes
it seem like I'm doing even more more so
you put the two together where I'm every
time trying to get a little bit better
and I'm practicing and I'm trying things
and I'm really um looking back at it and
you know like a performance and saying
okay where where am I doing well where
am I not doing well I'm getting feedback
from people pushing my own limits
pushing my boundaries trying stuff and
then you've got nov who's just crushing
it and also trying to push his skills
and is trying to do something visually
that we've never done trying to you know
do something more powerful with the
music
um so practice is the the short of that
and um just trying to get better I dig
it all right you heard it here first
guys there it is practice work workshop
game day footage indeed all right so
this next one comes from Arjun Jane in
the comments can you please explain your
method of meditation I use um
TM Dental meditation okay but want to
try your version as well what are the
bullet points for it so my version is
hella simple and it started with a guy
named Mark Divine who you can check out
at seal fit.com I think um but certainly
Mark Divine and it's the base of it is
called box breathing and it's where the
inhale the inhale hold the exhale and
the exhale hold are all equal durations
um that didn't feel quite right for me
so I modified it and I call it a just
breathe meditation the reason I call it
just breathe is that when my mind begins
to wander I literally remind myself
excuse me to just breathe and what I
have found is that I'm trying to
maximize the pleasure the physical
pleasure of every part of the breath
cycle so there's four parts instead of
trying to make them equal what I'm
trying to do is maximize their pleasure
and what that does is it makes me so
present like I'm so in the moment I'm in
that part of the breath cycle so um as
what I have found for me and this is
just me but I do um a relatively slow
long inhale I do a relatively short
inhale hold just CU I found that it was
slightly uncomfortable to try to hold
the inhale for a long time and then I do
a very rapid exhale where I literally
just let the breath out and in that man
I really feel that release and I it's
more in the exhale than anything else
that I switch over into the
parasympathetic nervous system and my
heart rate begins to lower and my
breathing becomes slower and
deeper um and then my exhale hold is the
longest part of my cycle by far and
there are times where it's probably like
7 to 10 seconds long where I'm on the
hold of the exhale um because I find it
intensely pleasurable to not need to
breathe and that sounds weird even to me
but so like when I do that if I'm doing
that at a time where I'm tired I'll fall
asleep on the exhale hold and it's only
the need to breathe again that wakes me
back up which is pretty interesting but
that shows that my period of deepest
relaxation is on the exhale hold um
which yeah I find deeply pleasurable and
it was the exhale hold that really
showed me that wait a second the
breathing could be intrinsically
Pleasant and not just that it's
switching me over into parasympathetic
and getting me out of my head and
getting me out of a sense of anxiety and
all that but that it actually felt good
and then I thought could the other parts
of it feel good um and so I started
focusing on that and so that's what I
come back to every time when my mind
begins to wander like actually find the
duration that maximizes the pleasure of
each part of the breath oh that's my
meditation right there it is
Arjun there it is all right so this next
one comes from Dr cagar
nalia um what's the best way to overcome
insecurity uh that is so insecurity is
going to succumb to two things one selft
talk so you need to start being more
positive in your selft talk
and then you need to be entirely focused
on actually getting good at something so
insecurity will fall to you becoming
good and when you realize that becoming
good takes a lot of time a lot of effort
but that you can do it in any Arena
there's literally not a single Arena
that you can't be become great at you
may not become the best in the world and
it may take you an insane amount of time
because you're not getting early wins in
it but there's nothing that you can't
get good at there's nothing you can't
become truly world class at like physics
scares the life out of me but I know if
I put my head down and I said all right
for the next 10 15 20 years I'm going to
immerse myself in the world of physics I
may not get early wins because math is
super [ __ ] confusing for me um but I
know that I could do it and I know that
Brick by Brick I could begin putting
those mathematical pieces in place and
that I could become world class I may
never have a breakthrough like Einstein
but I could legitimately be dazzling at
it once you know that then it just
becomes a question of what do you want
to do like what do you want to be world
class at is there something that you get
early wins and the early wins are
exciting and so that's going to be
something that you're going to double
triple topple down like when I think
about um doing the impact quotes right
so that's something that I got early
wins in with just speaking and so when I
was a kid it was like it started as
being funny but at the end of the day
being funny is merely taking your
internal world and externalizing it in a
way that has a certain effect on people
it happens to be comedy that you're
going for but you could switch it as I
have to wanting to inspire or motivate
or educate or whatever the case may be
so I got early wins in that but if I had
like if you were just seeing my natural
level of talent it's you know on10th of
where I've been able to push it now and
hopefully this is on10th of where I'll
be you know in another five years so it
really comes down to just asking the
question what do I care enough about
what makes me feel alive enough what am
I excited by enough that I really want
to pour my heart and soul into it it can
be something that you get early win but
it certainly doesn't have to be so but
just understanding that insecurity is
selft talk and actual competence and
using your self talk 8020 right just
force yourself 80% of what you say needs
to be positive period simple love
yourself be good to yourself be
empathetic be encouraging believe in
yourself even if it doesn't feel right
even if it doesn't feel true if you do
it just as a as repetition of positive
words I mean this is why mantras um have
become the sort of cliche they have
because they actually work and if you
use them and repeat positive things to
yourself you will begin to believe them
like your subconscious is always
listening so whether you're saying
something negative you're saying
something positive it's totally
irrelevant your subconscious will listen
to that so say positive things um and
then the 20% is you actually want the
negative voice I don't think people
should try to get rid of it I think
people just need to find that balance of
8020 um and then actually get good at
something and get really good at it like
really dedicate yourself for a very long
long time to getting good at something
that's when magic happens cool so like a
followup to that um Steve TR Troutman he
submitted a question in the connect
inbox so he's tying that like um selft
Talk personal narrative and identity and
he'd like to know for newcomers is there
a formal process that you undertook for
identity yeah so meaning um do you
recommend sitting out and listing I'm
someone who dot dot dot and writing that
over over and over or you know anything
like that yes I've never gone in on the
over and over writing things down um I'm
certainly not opposed to it's just not a
technique I've ever used um but yeah so
I literally say I'm the type of person
that I'm the type of person that even
though he doesn't like to work out he
works out I'm the type of person that
has bright lines with food I'm the type
of person that um is a learner I'm the
type of person that um doesn't build my
self-esteem around being right I build
my self-esteem around identifying the
right answer like like I I literally
just say those things and I say those
things to other people so that they'll
hold me accountable right I say yes to
things um that way when I go to like I
hesitate I don't want to do something
people like
hey exactly so that kind of stuff um it
through the repetition and then through
acting in accordance with it really
begins to be your identity um and
because I've also built that like I
don't and this is pretty innate to
humans but I really fuel this I don't
want want to be somebody who says one
thing and does another like that's
really important to my sense of
emotional wellbeing so to be who I want
to be to believe in myself when I say
something then I've got to be congruent
with that so for me to say not work out
anymore I would have to say like I'm a
person who doesn't care about that like
I'm I'm no longer interested in um you
know being in shape I'm no longer
interested in the value that comes out
of being strong uh the value that comes
out of um longevity all of that like I
would have to say that otherwise I would
feel totally in congruent so because I
don't want to do that I keep working out
because it's also a part of discipline
for me and I view myself as a very
disciplined person in fact like you want
to talk superpower I have a crazy
ability to suffer and I have a high
degree of installed discipline was not
born with discipline but I installed
that [ __ ] discipline is definitely
something that is built no question it
is built okay um so the next question
comes from laa defrain Laura in the
house she says hello so do you keep a
physical or digital planner calendar or
organizational system if you do what do
you find most effective so I use IAL
calendar um I also have my most
important list which is probably the way
more important thing for me um I'm
really bad at my calendar and that's
really what my assistant is for I've
very much outsourced like the keeping
know my calendar CU you ran it for a
while on your own but it started to
become a little little crazy yeah so
that's know thyself exactly know thyself
so um so my most important list that I
go over not every day CU I don't do it
on the weekends but U Monday through
Friday I'm going through my most
important list I have time blocked off
from 800 to 10: I work on whatever is
most important um so that's a big thing
for me and keeping that list and going
over that list every day making sure
that you update the list making sure
that if you skip something more than a
couple days in a row that you got to
move it off the list it clearly isn't
that important um so that's been really
really effective for me so identifying
what those critical things are um that
are necessary for you to achieve your
goals having them written down going
over them making sure that you're taking
action on them every day every day every
day so got to be taking action that's
the the most important part nice I
personally use um multiple things uh so
I have Google keep has like this really
great interface so you can use it on
your phone and it's actually like Google
Keep Google Keep I never heard of it so
yeah me neither and my sister put me on
to it and it was awesome because each
note I can color code it so now I can
actually visually see and I'm a visual
person so like it's great to see the
lists that are on like the red one which
is like urgent needs to be done
obviously and then you know there's a
different color for like everything
related to impact Theory things for like
you know movies and TV that I want to
watch or books that I want to read so
now I've found that it it pleases me to
like look at those lists and like update
them and rearrange them so that they can
be in the right order of focus so it's
an app you can also use it through the
computer and it all just syncs because
it's all through Google so if you have
your Gmail you just sign up that way and
we can share list so now like our
grocery list is shared so we can just
like go back and forth and just just
make sure it's like we need light bulbs
we need this which is awesome and then
um and then I use like my ey Cal to like
you know for meetings and other things
and then those are also kind of
colorcoded as well so I realized like
color coding things is very helpful for
me so that might be something that might
work for you Laura so nice great tip
yeah all right so this next one comes
from Chris Berry what's up Chris I did
is fast so this man was in on that fast
well played my friend hope that well way
to go Chris all right so um he said I
just heard Tom sharing useful strategy
for long-term success which is building
business relationships he recommends
adding value to others without expecting
anything in return 90% of the time and
how that won't turn in it it won't turn
into anything most of the time but
sometimes it will when it does it really
turns into something great what is an
actual story of when this happened to
you um I'm having trouble understanding
this as an abstract
concept yes oh um and then the follow-up
is is it like you go to speak at several
venues most for free and most of the
time nothing happens but sometimes you
make a connection and that results in a
business opportunity yeah I mean so
that's a a great example so um take Wes
Chapman right and invited me to speak at
his event um which I did
and you never know like where something
like that is going to go but now Wes and
I have
become highly connected and he's advised
us on things like the podcast Leisa is
about to do he's given a lot of amazing
advice on that um he's introduced me to
people um one of the guys on his team a
guy named JJ um has introduced me to
people I've gotten other speaking gigs
because JJ recommended me so it's like
that and a thousand other things like
that you just never know where they're
going to go um so uh yeah put yourself
out there do good things for people it
it is I mean people refer to it as karma
but it's really just a good life
strategy like doing good things for
people is going to come back around to
you not every time um a lot of times
there's just no connection for whatever
reason it just never quite goes anywhere
um Jim quick is another person where
it's uh I can't even remember like how
he and I first connected but it's was it
through your interview no I think we met
at um Keith faraz's house and so yeah
that's turned into an awesome
relationship um but yeah we're and the
funny thing is when you meet somebody
like Jim you meet somebody like Wes uh
and thousand other people somebody who I
really think is going to turn into
something um Jay samit right like love
Jay dude love Jay the most and what he's
up to is is so interesting to me I'm
really really intrigued to watch him so
it's you never know where this stuff is
going to go some of those relationships
I think will still turn into something
way bigger than what they are now um but
when you meet people like that it's like
each of you are like trying to offer
more value than the other person and so
we're like in this really interesting
place in society where it's like a whole
movement to try to offer value to other
people I love that and so people are
just really really like what can I do
for you man no man what can I do for you
so it's uh it's a cool time to be alive
I know I love it um excuse me still
still with some symptoms from that flu
man it's crazy all right well you're at
least on the up swing yeah no no no I
consider myself better you're better
like it just lingers yeah coughs they
don't they'll go away eventually
everybody right or I'll get tested for
one of the two God all right so our next
our next question question comes from um
KJ norlander uh what are your thoughts
on Bitcoins wow I don't have any
intelligent thoughts on Bitcoins I'm
super intrigued can't wait to see what
happens I am wildly undereducated on
Bitcoins now the blockchain which is
what gave birth to Bitcoins um I am very
interested in the blockchain I'm still
wildly undereducated on the blockchain
but what the blockchain just to give you
one minor example of the amazing things
that the blockchain be able to do is
make digital things truly limited so if
you wanted to paint something digitally
um right now it's like once you create
it once it can be infinitely replicated
and the blockchain would allow you to
say you know no we're only going to do
10 prints of this or 100 prints of this
whatever just like you would with a real
painting and um that to me is very
exciting and so if you met somebody that
had a digital copy of that that you
could trade them for it or you could buy
it off of them and then when they
transfer it to you that is literally the
only version of that that exists or
however many they made but um that to me
is pretty exciting so the blockchain
let's see how clumsily I can um answer
this and if anybody is a true expert
knows like a link or something um that
you want to drop into the chat yeah
please put it in there um but the
blockchain goes like this there's a
whole lot of computers out in the world
that have a ledger and that ledger would
say something like there's only one of
the digital painting and it belongs to
Cindy and Cindy is now going to sell it
to Chase and as you do that you would
immediately go out to the blockchain and
basically say hey is Cindy really the
owner the blockchain would say yes and
then you would tell the blockchain okay
Cindy is now making chase the owner so
anybody could come and say hey is this
the one now that chase owns yes or no
and if it isn't then if you get a you
know a no signal back basically that's
how you keep Bitcoins to be actually
worth money because you would say does
Cindy really have a million Bitcoins and
the system would say no Cindy has 15
Bitcoins be like oh I see so she's
trying to scam the system and because
they all have to agree all at the same
time it's con I think it's considered
unhackable so certainly it's considered
one of the most safe because you'd have
to go out and I don't know what the
number of computers is could be 15,000
could be 15 million for all I know I
have no idea but it's a distributed
Ledger they all have to agree so the
chances that you'd be able to control
and hack or even probably identify what
computers it is is virtually zero
interesting so yeah now I feel like I
need to read up on that yeah the
blockchain is interesting so this next
question comes from Kevin
Johnson Tom in the last 3 months what do
you believe the most impactful words are
that you've spoken off camera give us
the inside scoop who
who I can't even answer that yeah I um
this would be one where I would just be
pulling something out that's like the
most impactful thing I remember
saying I don't know I don't have a great
answer I need some time on that one yeah
chase you got anything for us uh we
talking about last week after the pr
meeting you were uh saying something
about not feeling don't have that
feeling of uncertainty you said I wish
no one else was around so I can tell you
directly and talk about not being UNC
decisions and you doing business yeah
that's interesting I never would have
picked that but I love that that hit you
so the um the
intoxicating effects of certainty like
knowing what you want which is um a
variation of what I remember from that
event which for me is being able to have
like the direct and real conversation so
in fact maybe this is the the most
important thing I won't know I won't say
that it's motivating or inspiring but
the most important thing that I've said
off camera um is talking about being
able to really look at yourself is this
working or not like not needing to to be
mollycoddled like if what you're doing
isn't working by objective measures cool
like no worries but don't keep going
down that path if it's not serving you
so just being willing to look really
honestly which people have a very hard
time doing um at what you're doing and
whether or not it's working and to be
able to say yeah this isn't working
without loss of self-esteem that's where
most people get tripped up is once they
realize well this isn't working like the
psychological immune system kicks in
then they like they just need it to be
working for their self-esteem because
they build their self-esteem around
being right around being smart uh and so
it gets really dangerous dangerous from
the perspective of you're never going to
reach your goals because you're lying to
yourself and this is why the goggin
episode was so important to me cuz he
talks about like the real breakthrough
comes when you look at yourself and go
you are stupid and so now what do you
need to do to get educated like not and
now what do you need to do to start
feeling really badly about that that's
not his point his point is until you can
admit that you don't know a lot of stuff
then you can't go systematically
educating yourself in those Arenas so um
that's just a message that is so so
powerful to me and you will find in life
in business in everything that you're
constantly either butting up against
times where you yourself are doing that
or you're running up against other
people that are doing that and you can
just Feel That Awkward useless um
psychological immune system kicking in
where it's like man like pretending that
this is working is just not a winning
strategy so yeah that was that was
important and I have something stuck on
my face I can feel it is it Wookie hair
almost certainly definitely Wookie hair
all right so this next one comes from
Kyle as absy absy all right so Tom I'm
curious to hear what part of the 3-day
fast was the most difficult for you I
found my Hunger going in waves and was
most hungry during day one what did you
do mentally to overcome um bouts of
intense hunger so day two was the
hardest for me um day one is relatively
easy to get through at least for me
because it's like you've got even lean
people have a lot of fat and so your
body will have no trouble like going and
metabolizing that fat now if you're a
sugar burner which for the most part I
dip in and out of ketosis every week so
my body is very used to clicking over
into ketosis so leading into it I was
eating a high fat diet I was still
eating a lot of calories so I was almost
certainly was not producing ketones but
my body is used to clicking over so I'm
going to get in fact we took my Ketone
levels and by the end of the first day I
was producing ketones I think it was at
04 at the end of the first day if I
remember right um so it's eh like that's
a relatively for me easy day day two on
the other hand you have nothing to look
forward to now your like your system is
completely devoid of the calories that
you int um on the day before your fast
began so you got nothing and you got
nothing to look forward to other than
more hunger more pain more suffering um
so day two is always sucky cuz on day
three it's like I know that you know at
700 p.m. tonight like I'm going to get
to eat um ironically though I actually
while it wasn't the most painful I was
the most tempted on day three because my
wife had put in my head this
amazing that I was going to have at the
end and then all I could think about was
that meal like I was really going crazy
but so that becomes the day that you get
to be the most proud so and that's what
I do is for me fasting is is purely a
question of identity who am I and there
was no way with all the things that I've
said hyper publicly how on Earth could I
do anything
but stick to that fast which I love I
love putting a gun in my own head it's
like the accountability it's right there
100% take the whole thing right so like
that became very easy who do you want to
be that's it who do you want to be and
are you actually becoming that person
and the thing is I don't I know that I
can trick other people but I can't trick
myself so if I actually want to be that
person and I want to feel proud about
who I am then I have to I have to do it
in my most private moments in the
moments where I know I could get away
with this mhm in those moments you have
to hold up so for me it's like dealing
with the hunger H it was like once I
decided I was going to do it that's it
it's like it was for me I was not
nervous on my wedding day I literally
don't even understand people who are
nervous on their wedding day but I was
really careful about deciding whether or
not to propose because for me once I
propose like that's it like now we're
getting married yeah 100% so I'm not
going to propose if I'm unsure I don't
even understand that so I don't know how
people get themselves in that situation
so but deciding to propose that was hard
so deciding to do the fast there was
trepidation about that I was like oh God
this is always so painful this is not a
fun time um but got to do it want to get
some ready and then meeting goggin Goin
if you have not watched that episode I
am obsessed it is my favorite episode
all time the feedback on it is amazing
amazing so yeah check it out so watching
that do or doing the research meeting
him interviewing him um I realized the
fast was an absolute must that's why we
did it around the release of his episode
um just his intensity his vision of who
anyone can become is so intoxicating to
me that I need only think of that man's
face and there's not a chance I would
break my fast no way so so find your
compelling re reason yes truth and
that's it all right and so if this live
feed is adding value to your life make
sure that you share it um that's our
only ask right now is to help us grow
this community um every little bit helps
so thank you yes indeed thank you guys
very much all right so this next one
comes from zanette georia Nicolas Zoro
that's a name I think that looks Greek
to me but does sound a little greek
sound yeah so what is
[Music]
theas so hopefully they're there it is
they're not they're like I have no idea
like what are you saying what is that
man saying so what is the proof that
there's a UD demonic destination for
everyone I keep telling myself that
whatever [ __ ] I'm going through now is
so that I can grow and get to a point of
emonic state but what if that's the max
State I can reach and I don't know it
the state that he's in yeah um so here's
the thing UD demonic happiness comes and
goes every brain State and UD demonic
happiness among them they are transient
so it's not like once you achieve it
then you're there and you never have to
worry about it again it's kind of like
success
um excuse me there's that JJ wat quote
which I love very much um Success is Not
owned its least and rent is due every
day that is exactly the same for UD
demonic happiness and for anybody
watching that doesn't know UD demonic
happiness first of all watch the Dr Drew
Episode he's very very
it's what I call framework happiness
framework happiness just normal
happiness um a bow of ice cream is going
to make you happy that's amazing or as
Dr Drew said a hit of heroin is going to
make you happy um but it's
not true lasting fulfillment and when I
say lasting no that I mean it comes and
goes still but that if you're really
becoming something it's it's a much
longer much more resilient much more um
it's going to going to come into your
brain State much more often when you're
becoming something and uh so take for
instance my obsession which is to build
my self-esteem around identifying the
right answer uh being a learner like
those things make me feel good about
myself and and they are now to really
just bounce around between Dr Drew and
goggin um it's what goggin talks about
the cookie jar and emonic Happiness is
when you have a lot of cookies in your
cookie jar so some of the things that
Goggins has in his cookie jar um the
fact that he ran 100 miles in 24 hours
without any preparation whatsoever he
did it on broken feet shin splints he
was tearing muscles he was urinating
blood he defecated on himself all this
happened at Mile 70 well so he'd been
breaking his feet I'm sure along the way
but the 70 miles broke his feet um and
then at M 70 he stopped which was
probably a mistake uh but he ended up
eating and getting back going and then
ends up finishing on time um he went
through hell week twice uh sorry three
times finished it twice um and and just
on and on being willing to because he
served in Iraq being willing to kick a
door down that you know on the other
side is somebody potentially that wants
to kill you and has a Weaponry to make
that happen or that it could be booby
trapped and have a bomb on it and just
went in door after door after door after
door um so like that's his cookie jar
and his cookie jar is full and so
moments where he is struggling with
whatever maybe he's doing a race or
something like that and he can reach in
that cookie jar and those are those that
thing that he's becoming that person
that he's earned the credibility and the
pride within himself to say I am this
person I have done these things that's
UD demonic happiness it's very different
than a bowl of ice cream which is
external and you take it in and it
adjusts your brain chemistry and um but
once it's gone like you can't re get
yourself happy and in that state just by
thinking about the bowl of ice cream
right you need to actually eat the bowl
of ice cream whereas something that's UD
demonic something that is true frame
work happiness it's there because you've
done it you've accomplished that thing
you've stared that demon down in the
face you've dealt with that suffering
you've um been good when it was hard
like all those things about who you are
like those are things that last those
are things you can put in the jar that
you can reach to and merely remembering
them they remind you of who you are and
when you're when you feel good about who
you are when you feel good about who
you're becoming when you feel good about
what you're striving towards what you're
willing to work for like that's the
juice dope word I just like had this
moment where I was like thinking about
the last thing you said and if you find
it difficult like you can always create
that tangible jar to like pull those
little leg notes out of um because
something about like that physical space
and like reading it it almost takes it
outside of yourself that now like if
you're having trouble building that
framework for yourself you start to know
it little better so maybe try that
out all right so we have a couple shout
outs um to Johan tuning in from France
we've got Sarah carer from Texas Sarah
we've got Dora in the house from Germany
the Explorer No but but she she's like
an Explorer in her own right got mad
love for Germany in this
place I like to think I'm the David
Hassel new David Hasselhoff um and then
we've got Josh Martell Jun in for
Florida and zanette wants to follow up
and let you know that she's definitely
Greek nice what is up she knew exactly
what you were saying Hell of respect
even with my crazy cypriate American
accent not bad so she can actually
understand that I'm very impressed yeah
it's like give yourself credit you're
learning Greek I still B yeah sure sure
sure all right so this next question
comes from Gus Voyer you've um become
quite the public figure how do you early
on shut down the naysayers haters or
trolls my first instinct is to come up
with a snarky response which I know
isn't right so you've already walked
your first step so um doing I was just
thinking about that today so um we were
featured in a Bloomberg article uh with
the work that we're doing with Vayner
talent and you could very easily look at
the article and say this is a horrible
article and it makes Tom look really bad
it actually but I actually thought it
was a great article and so um knowing
that they're never going to come out and
be like oh my gosh Tom is amazing um
that's not going to happen so
understanding the way the world works so
I'm going into this knowing that the job
of a writer is to seem like nobody owns
them right so if that's their job you
know that they're going to say something
negative like 100% it's the way that
they know to make that clear to signal
to the reader hey I'm not in this guy's
pocket so going into it you've got to
know that
um and then with trolls with naysayers
with all that like just understand the
way the human psyche works so um people
that tear other people down like it is
such an ineffective strategy like it is
the rare rare rare Trump is doing his
best to challenge um the notion that it
like I want to say that those people
never win they clearly win sometimes um
but tearing other people down is I think
in the long run a losing strategy just
from what I've seen in life it's not a
good way because people are waiting for
like the wolves are going to eat Trump
alive the second he's not protected by
the presidency and if they can impeach
him they will like this may be one of
those times where the Wolves want him
consumed so much they're coming for him
now if you try to build things in a more
beautiful way and you're trying to help
people and you know in your heart and
soul that you're trying to do good
things for people I think truly people
are going to be there to support you to
help you to uplift you because you've
added value to their life that there is
a reason that we say only share this
content if it's adding value to your
life because I don't want to ask
something of somebody that I haven't
done something good for and I know if I
have done something good for you that
now it feels good for you to share that
content because you believe in it like
for you it's actively done something for
you and now you want to share it so
knowing that that's the way the world
works that if somebody says something to
me and I give them a snarky comment back
I've only now fueled their fire right
because they've got the attention that
they want in a negative way which is how
they know to interact with people so now
they're going to be more negative
they're going to escalate it gives other
people something that maybe they weren't
like they had no opinion about me in the
beginning but now they see me being a
snarky [ __ ] which is only a sign of
weakness it is a sign of emotional
weakness that what they said like
actually hit you and you're like I don't
they might be right and so I need to
push back against this I need to shut
them down so my thing is I know who I am
all my imperfections all of my
idiosyncrasies all of my weaknesses all
of my foibles like I am very honest and
very real with myself about who I am so
I know who I am so the comments that hit
me that I'm like that's actually true
it's super hurtful but it's true and so
I want to actually address that and get
better at it so there's no re I when
people are negative to me one of two I
do one of two things if you're negative
and it is just purely negative like
you're just being a troll because that's
how you've learned to interact with the
world and how you get attention you feel
badly about yourself so you're trying to
tear other people down and it doesn't
any value to anybody even somebody
reading the comments I'll delete that
[ __ ] so just brace yourself if you're
riding something like hey [ __ ] with
you're a douchebag like okay well I
don't know what positive comes out of
that for anybody so I'm going to delete
that but if you're if you break
something down and you're like hey this
is why I think that you're what you're
saying could actually be harmful to
somebody and I think you really need to
keep yourself in check man like this is
crazy you can't like say things like
this and you give me like an aggressive
but like there's something there I'll
leave that and I'm just going to thank
you for the feedback because I'm going
to internalize I that I'm going to think
about it if it's real I'm going to keep
it and if it's not then I'll ultimately
discard it but at least I know that it's
coming from a place of like you're
actually concerned about somebody you
want to help somebody out so hey fair
enough um so but at the end of the day
it all comes down to just knowing the
way the world works and um I don't have
like a really tight concise answer this
would be a good one to to Really process
and and make super easy to explain for
people but when people are just negative
when they're triggered that's on them
and so allowing yourself to get sucked
into that means that you're unsure of
who you are you're weak on your own
position and it just makes sense to then
go internal and really solidify what
your position is um not blowing in the
wind not allowing external forces to
sway who you are what you think is good
right and all that like you need to be
solid in that so if Somebody's Knocking
you off center you need to recognize
that you need to find a way to reenter
yourself using that as an opportunity to
reenter yourself makes it way more
effective than it would be to like get
yourself riled up and go double down on
that because the way the world works
like then people are just going to
gravitate towards your negativity you're
going to paint yourself as a negative
person so it's like I want to rise above
that stuff so understanding like what it
does in my own psychology to allow
myself to get sucked into the negativity
or to rise above it like I just get it
and I get what's happening to me
psychologically what the neurochemistry
of it is that if in that moment I use it
as a test and I test myself to whether I
can Center myself quickly whether I can
focus on the positive whether I'm
willing to actually look at their
criticism and see if they're right and
if they're right I fix it I don't fight
back and if they're wrong I ignore it
and I move on and just knowing that
people are going to try to tear you down
such is the nature of it and it only
works if you let it work so that's just
the truth of human psychology I could
literally keep going on that cuz I find
it so so interesting to really nail it
down I'll leave it at that but that is
like learning to deal with naysayers is
is so fundamental to accomplishing
anything in your life because so many
people are knocked off just knowing that
somebody doesn't like them like and
there's an awesome quote I forget who
spy it might be Churchill but I might be
like everybody else just misattributing
an amazing quote to him um but that like
if you have enemies good it means you
stood up for something at some point in
your life so don't be afraid to make
enemies right and just from a community
manager perspective a lot of times when
someone's you know trolling in the
comments or leaving a lot of negative
negativity when you respond in a
positive way they just kind of like are
taken a and they disappear it's like you
threw glitter in their face and they're
like oh okay GL in their face so that's
kind of how I I treat it so it's like I
throw glitter in their face and then
they just you know usually they acques
and they become more positive and
realize this isn't the place for that
right and so that's that's something I
personally just stand for and so you can
kind of tell by you know joining any of
our groups so the impact Theory League
um our all of our social social channels
in the comments all of that um we don't
really stand for negativity like
negative feedback great like if you if
we need to hear the feedback absolutely
but if it's just trolling for trolling
sake we don't we don't tolerate it but
yeah anyway PS from um Dora she's
actually working on a project with d uh
for D David Hasselhoff right now get out
that is crazy isn't that [ __ ] awesome
amazing anyway and she also has a
question for you yeah as a leader what
are your strategies to develop and grow
someone who's working for you how do you
know when to push and when to give them
space to figure things out on their own
I only have one strategy I don't think
that I'm I am I think I'm a good leader
I think I'm a terrible manager um and I
think it takes a manager to really help
people on their path so I only have one
strategy and that strategy is lead by
example period that's it if that's a
winning strategy awesome if it isn't a
winning strategy then everyone here is
going to need to turn to the people that
um are good managers to be developed and
led in that way and so I'm trying to get
together a group of people that are all
awesome so that everybody's got somebody
that they can turn to I think that's
really really important I'm not for
everybody I have a very direct style I I
don't value in life the need for
patience and because of that I don't um
offer people God this is going to sound
weird cuz I am like hella hella hella
patient in some ways in others though
like when you want real feedback from me
I'm just going to [ __ ] give it to you
and that I've seen that in my life
especially at Quest where it was like
some people only knew like that one
meeting that they had with me and I was
[ __ ] direct um that that does not
work for everybody that experience
really made me realize I am not a good
manager yet I could be if I wanted to
but I actually don't value that skill
set uh so I'm doing nothing to acquire
it so my thing is lead by example the
people that that get it and they see
what I've been able to do with my life
um they will go yep totally I'm going to
follow you can not only listen to what I
say you can watch what I do and I think
that is the ultimate expression of a
leader um I don't just say this stuff I
am walking it every day um but I think
that managers are worth their weight and
gold people that are really good at that
people that really know how to
systematically encourage people to help
paint a vision for where you're going to
help you like actually walk step by step
and that's why somebody oh it was Mel
Robins said um she referred to me as a
teacher and I said I don't think of
myself as a teacher I said I'm very
grateful that the things that I've been
through are useful to other people um
but I think a teacher is a saint and
that those people like what they are
doing they give of themselves to help
other people like really do something
and they forgo their own like
Transcendence in order to help other
people like that is how I see a teacher
like they're stuck in a school somewhere
not trying to build their own business
not trying to do their own thing they're
literally trying to help other people do
it make no mistake me helping other
people is me trying to Leverage What
I've learned and my abilities to give
something a away to other people as a
marketing tool to build a business but
I'm trying to build a business like I'm
trying to build a studio biger than
Disney and I think that doing this by
offering value to people's lives I'll be
able to do that but you are never going
to find me in a classroom giving of
myself to like my own detriment to where
I'm not trying to transcend that I'm not
trying to go beyond it and I don't I'm
not even saying this is good I'm just
saying this is the truth and in any
other context where social media did not
exist the only people that would ever be
able to learn from me would be people
that are in my inner circle and are able
to watch purely what I do um because I
dude teachers are just better than me
like I I I I actually don't understand
it I don't know why people do that I get
it some people are wired like that it's
the same way that I feel when I look at
mothers typically I get that I'm being
super generalizing and I'm sure there
are some dads that are just like this
and it's amazing and I'm so grateful to
them too but like when I look at how
people kids are parasites like they for
real no no no hold on truly human DNA is
8% virus so let's talk about that the
way that a baby literally attach
attaches itself to your womb vers
resources to
itself the female brain actually shrinks
while it's pregnant I don't know if this
is why but I think it's because it's so
rich in fat and so the baby is take take
Taking that fat to develop itself it
will take the resources from the mother
to its own credit the mother actually
doesn't have to live any longer than to
give birth it probably would be
beneficial but when you think about how
traumatic child birth was before modern
medicine it's crazy the death rates like
startling so like that is just nuts and
then they give and give and give to
these kids who and can we be honest Like
You can predict a child's Behavior
they're about 13 everybody they're going
to Rebel it's Nature's Way of making
sure that they establish themselves and
go do their own thing they're going to
leave you so like this massive when I
look at my own mom I'm like what are you
doing like what an insane investment
into her children she made like it's
absolutely crazy yeah so I literally
can't believe people do it it's Madness
it's beautiful it is sainthood teachers
parents sainthood I don't understand so
yeah that's a very long answer but like
this this is one of those things man
like truly truly truly to bring it all
back around there are leaders and there
are managers and I think managers give
of themselves and they like literally to
their own detriment if I'm completely
honest like their role in life is to
help other people be successful my role
in life is to give people something to
look at and go how much of that do I
want to use in my own life I'm going to
use that that that and that I'm going to
ignore that that that but they have to
do that right like they have to do that
you guys have to do the hard work I'm
not going to do it for you I'm busy
trying to build my thing and I don't
want people to be confused like I'm
trying to
build this studio now I want that studio
to help people I want that studio to be
uplifting I want that studio to be
positive I want everything that we put
out to make people's lives better and my
whole goal is to pull people out of the
Matrix and do I actually think that's a
better strategy I do and I think if you
really want to help people if you really
want to help people you have to do it at
scale and so that's the standard that I
hold to myself and I actually was a
teacher so I'm saying this from the
perspective I know what that takes yeah
and it takes a lot and you are literally
giving of yourself to help other people
do something so that's one of the things
that I find so empowering about social
media is I can do me and I can teach
people what I'm doing but then just be
like doing my thing instead of being
stuck in a classroom somewhere so anyway
to all the teachers to all the parents
out there you guys are amazing you're
it's so crazy I can't believe you do it
but you're a saint um it's incredible to
all the managers out there who just want
to help people be better for having been
around them and to go on to do amazing
things and can take pleasure in that
it's incredible incredible yeah
somewhere in there I I had like a point
that I was going to like bring back
background but I forgot I just kept
going there was like a tangent we lost
it maybe it'll come back to me hey if it
does let me know all right all so we
have a couple more shoutouts in the
comments we've got Britney Robinson
tuning in from Japan um Nelson Chan from
Sydney Cory Roa in Wyoming and then I
might say this wrong odor Herman
valon uh bson from Denmark Denmark and
there was like a the little o with the
two dots at the top there nice
lot yeah it's a lot right lot is that
okay yeah sure all right um we are going
to try and wrap up all of these
questions so we're going to go a little
overday we're going to go like 10
minutes over so let's try and get these
all done all right so this next one
comes from Diane s um speaking of bosses
and managers so do you think a box boss
in a direct report SL employ can be
friends I have a cooworker who has now
become my close friend I'm grateful and
value the friendship and this can be
difficult to have in the workplace if
there's the opportunity for a promotion
which I will take I wonder if I can have
both what are your thoughts personal
experience and advice it's hella awkward
but I yeah I want to live in a world
where you can be friends with just about
anybody um there's going to come a time
I'm sure where something is a little bit
bumpy and it's like you know this is
business not friendship but yeah I don't
see any beef with that um and I love
that and I love seeing people that
really connect and really care for each
other in a business environment I think
that makes for a Better Business um when
people actually care about each other
they're actually looking out for each
other um and as long as a friendship can
survive that hard moment where somebody
has to be real with you about maybe
you're not ready for a promotion um if
if you guys can survive that and
separate the two good on you but I I do
think it's possible and I think that
it's beautiful and I think having
feeling like people have your back in a
work environment is one of the reasons
why you would stay and if you felt like
nobody had your back and you didn't have
real friends there I just don't think
people will stay as long so yeah I would
I would encourage real friendships um in
a business yeah and I think I read
somewhere or um that the biggest
predictor of if you're going to stay at
a company or anything like that is do
you have friends at work yeah like do
you have a work best friend and it's
like it's so interesting because you
think that everything has to stay
professional and as it should but you
can build it into the culture where
there's honest feedback and no one's
going to take it personally and but you
can still you know laugh about it and
you know hang out so yeah I think that's
pretty important yeah all right so this
next question comes from Nelson Chan um
Tom can you please talk about your plans
for your diet are you going to do keto
now um and what are your thoughts on MCT
oil
so uh MCT oil and lastly did you work
out during the fast s um I worked out
one of the days during the fast because
I had the flu so going into the fast I
still wasn't feeling 100% And I didn't
want to work out until I actually felt
better um so the third day of the fast I
felt like okay now I'm officially over
the flu um so I did work out uh the last
time I did a fast I worked out the whole
time um yeah and I think you're lower
energy during a fast to be sure but um
you can can still get a great workout in
um in terms of what my diet my diet's
going to stay the same as it was before
the fast which is um about 4 days a week
uh I'll be high protein I do that
because if I don't do high protein I
start losing muscle mass and I know
there are people out there who swear
that they don't and that's awesome and
I'm super jealous but I've done nine
months of Keto before straight it you
feel
amazing but I found that it was
absolutely atrocious for lean muscle
mass for me not everyone is going to
have the same response but for me I felt
soft I felt flat and I was working out
the same so uh just not not a good look
for me um so I do four days a week high
protein and then three days a week I do
um ketogenic so high fat low protein and
virtually no carbohydrate um so that's
been a winning formula for me I'm going
to be restricting my calories and I'm
going to be doing cardio um so that's
going to be my summer ready routine keep
in mind I've been messing with my
physique and my diet for like 13 14
years now um so this is something that I
really really know how to do I know my
body very well I know what I respond to
very well um so there's no mystery I
maybe the way that I do it isn't optimal
and I'm couching all this because people
get really weird about diet and physique
um everybody thinks they have the Holy
Grail I will just tell you this there's
enough individual variability anybody
that if they say what they do works for
everyone um
it it's just not true like every there's
so much variability what's optimal for
somebody else isn't necessarily going to
be optimal for you so starting with
where somebody else is is great but
don't be afraid to experiment yourself
and and really look at the results and
see what's working for you so that's
where I've settled on and the reason
that I do the 3 days of ketogenics is
because if I don't then I have
inflammation problems and my joints
begin to hurt uh but if I do three days
then it's amazing um if I'm having a
hard time getting as lean as I want then
I may kick over into full-blown ketosis
because it changes your relationship to
hunger and I find it very easy to lower
my calories dramatically when I'm
ketogenic in a way that when I'm high
protein it's brutal so but I'll leave
that if I'm not where I want to be by
sort of mid July then um I might do that
but up till then I I want to make sure
that my lean muscle mass stays firm
speaking of individual personal
reactions so Anna um says I fasted one
and a half days this weekend to join you
but I felt um suddenly dizzy like really
badly um not hungry just dizzy hands
trembling feeling sick and feeling super
weak and cold I got scared and started
eating again did you go through this too
yeah I mean there sometimes I my hands
trembling no um but like a little
lightheaded at times sure um I think
it's always good to if you're not
working with a
doctor can I be honest yep I have to
tell you to work with a doctor for Le
legal reasons but here's the truth like
figure figure it out that's my thing
like go through it if you're finding
that you're getting dizzy you need to
figure out why like are you missing a
mineral or something like that or your
electrolytes off who knows what it is um
everybody can and should fast in my
opinion talk to a doctor talk to a
doctor um but like in my opinion like
everybody should figure out how to be
able to fast I think is absolutely
critical that people are pumping ketones
through their body I think from an
evolutionary perspective there's just so
much adjusting of our DNA to make sure
that we can survive a fast that it's
like the sun if you don't get any sun
you're dust if you get too much sun
you're dust so it's like that with
fasting if you don't fast enough I
actually think you will have problems if
you fast too much it's called starving
to death so in there somewhere like you
need to find that answer so fasting
isn't fun so there are going to be parts
of it that you don't like I think that
normally what happens is like people
because it sucks so much like they don't
want to figure it out and so they hit
that roadblock and they stop so I would
say figure that out find a doctor that
understands fasting most doctors are
going to tell you fasting is crazy that
to me should get them disbarred but
that's just my opinion um so and I guess
you don't disbar a doctor that's for
lawyers but uh you should lose your
license um but yeah so find somebody
that understands fasting that can help
you do it figure it out I think it's
important right but I think you to be to
be fair if you really felt that badly
then I think eating was a good choice
for you and it's again figuring out
maybe next time you can go two days next
time you can maybe incrementally
increase or figure out again what works
yeah 100% my thing is
um trust yourself trust your body but
also know that you're going to look for
every excuse not to do it so if your
goal is a 3day fast you have to hold
yourself to that it may not be that time
because if your body is telling you no
no no this is seriously like scary you
need to eat for sure yeah but then you
need to find somebody that can help you
get through it in a safe manner that's
the moral of my story it's not a well I
try to it didn't work for me and
therefore I'm done all right and she
wants to know when are we doing it again
um I'll probably do it once a year I
don't know that I'll do it much more
than that um but yeah I can see doing it
as a lead into summer ready every year
we'll see I'm not holding myself to that
but if I feel like I need it but it was
it is good to suffer
so roughly once a year all right so I
guess end of May tune back in it's my
gut instinct all right so this one comes
from Joshua Martell how do you define a
manager versus a micromanager Jesus um
well so micromanaging is somebody that
isn't giving you the space to figure it
out and learn it themselves yourself um
so they're in there telling telling you
exactly how to do it um they make you
feel like a pair of hands they're
shutting you down emotionally um and a
manager is somebody that understands
that the way that humans learn is
through making mistakes having the space
to try their ideas to really get in
there and figure something out for
themselves but at the same time holds
them to deadlines and goals um make sure
that they're in alignment with the
company um that's really helping you see
what your trajectory is through the
company to me they're they're worlds
apart and M managing is like a a
technique if you will whereas a manager
is somebody that really helps people um
develop their career path and all of
that and they're very Hands-On and very
encouraging and um and really works with
you on like an ongoing basis to make
sure that you get where you want to go I
think about the max number of people
that you can manage is probably in the 7
to 10 range I don't think people could
do more than that so it's very Hands-On
very tactical tactile
yeah yeah all right so this next
question comes from Wendy M Terry hey
Tom from the hours of 4:00 a.m. to 300
p.m. I rock my day I work out work stay
motivated then I hit a wall being almost
40 I get tired but I want to up my game
and be the sex kitten I can be after the
hour of 700 p.m. having kids is no
excuse any advice to get some afternoon
energy without doing a two a day with
Fitness or drinking a low carb monster
or drinking a low carbon um man to give
a real answer to that I'd really have to
watch her and see what she's doing but
if you're up at 4:00 a.m. by 7 I mean
it's just human to be on the downside of
the day and to really be winding down so
if there's something in there that you
want to do and I'm playing off the sex
kitten thing uh that you and your
husband probably need to make time uh
earlier in the day or say look during
the week this probably isn't going to
happen but let's really set aside time
during the weekend where we can connect
and you know do our sex kitten thing um
and I think that's fine I I
unfortunately humans go in cycles and so
you need sleep in order to recharge and
be ready for the next day um so at some
point fatigue is inevitably going to
kick in uh and I don't like putting
limits on myself but like that certainly
has been my experience and at some point
you're fatigued enough that it just
doesn't sound fun um so if you can just
move it to earlier in the day and carve
out some time like instead of waiting
till 700 p.m. although this may be your
um significant others uh scheduling
issue but like if your day is sort of um
winding down at 300 p.m. she made a
reference at 3 p.m. you know then maybe
you do something fun at that point when
you still have higher energy levels
maybe before the kids get home from
school um yeah alternately just like
figure out where your sweet spot is and
your schedule maybe in fact you guys
connect early in the morning morning or
something like that uh but to pretend
that energy doesn't flag I think is a
mistake so you need to work your
schedule around the reality that energy
does flag um and so take some time in
there when you guys have overlapping um
free time and I mean maybe 4:00 a.m. is
the time maybe 5 maybe six you know
something before they have to head out
as well super dope y so we I also just
want a quick shout out and thank you
guys for the 24 shares so far in this
live so again if this is adding value to
your life please share it um with we're
always looking to help the community
grow and that's just one way that you
can do that for us and so we're kicking
into our final question nice which was
submitted by Avatar Avatar which is a
really cool name um from listening to
your interviews you say that you had
anxiety of being wrong how did you
overcome that what did you do I struggle
with the same issue and won't make
progress because I fear being wrong
um uh it's interesting I don't know that
I would ever say that I had anxiety
about being wrong I built my self-esteem
around being right
um but I guess in the inverse would that
mean I never thought of it like that and
I always get nervous when people like
you said and then I can just see like
somebody quoting that back and so I
never thought of it like that how about
that so I it's like I doubt I've ever
said that but any way it's not
necessarily wrong just never thought of
it like that like a different framing
for it yeah so um and sorry what was the
actual question how do you get past that
yeah how do you move past that because
he struggles with the that issue
currently and it's he won't make
progress because he's afraid of being
wrong I wonder what the real question
like when people are so able to
articulate like the the problem like so
you know that the answer is to stop
doing that so my gut instinct is you're
not doing the work to change your
identity and that's really what you have
to do so um it starts with just actually
saying to yourself that you're you don't
value yourself for being right so being
wrong is absolutely fine you value
yourself for identifying the right
answer um faster than other people is is
the language that I use for myself um
but that's really the key like you have
to do the work work to change your
identity so that you don't value
yourself for being right and and once
you understand that being wrong is
simply acknowledging a false path so
that you can ignore that set that aside
and find the right one um that's really
how you're going to grow and develop and
push past that so I think we have an
identity self-esteem um issue here you
need to build your self-esteem around
something that's truly antifragile so
that isn't um about something that is
inevitable everyone's going to be wrong
Einstein is going to be wrong um
literally every single human being on
the planet that you can think of that is
amazingly powerful and wildly
intelligent they're all going to be
wrong and so if any of them let their
self-esteem be damaged by that now we've
got just a foolish setup so uh you have
to set all that aside build your
self-esteem and your identity around
being a learner uh being willing to look
nakedly at the things you don't
understand and recognize being wrong is
an opportunity now to go out and be
right and to learn that thing and to
figure out what the actual answer is
there um and in doing that then now
you've got something that's truly
antifragile and the more people point
out that you're wrong the more things
you're actually going to realize they're
right that you are incorrect that you
can now go out and get the right answer
but if you're never aware if you never
hit that moment where you realize you're
wrong um you're just going to keep being
wrong so it's actually an empowering
moment awesome so final
conclusions uh if you have any more
questions for us for our next live which
will be next week please submit them to
connect impact theory.com
or drop some into the comments we're
always sourcing from all over the
community so just get your questions out
there word all right everybody thank you
so much for joining us if you haven't
already be sure to subscribe this is a
weekly show and until next time my
friends be legendary take care bye
everyone