Kind: captions
Language: en
what is up everybody welcome to another
episode of Facebook live Q&A I'm your
host Tom Bilu and I'm here with the
voice of this amazing hello everyone
what is up Cindy not much you want to
tell me about that that shirt so this is
one of our is our
ttfc which I need to work on memorizing
cuz I only ever see it like on you and
not myself because we never had women's
apparel and now we do now we do and I
think it's being hidden right now by
your computer oh
there it is I don't know which one to
like place it in front of but um our
women's apparel is officially launching
tomorrow officially going live we did
the photo shoot so you'll see lots of
different styles and have a good time
purchasing let us know what you think
hell yeah um cuz we definitely kept our
ladies waiting we did we did
unfortunately you know Lis and I so we
just brought on another oh is she here
she's right there Michelle we make
everybody come say what's up Melle so we
have a new addition to the team you were
saying it took us way too long to get
the ladies apparel a long time to get
the women's apparel cuz and that
reminded me that we have the newest lady
to the team Michelle welcome welcome
she's going to be helping Lisa crush the
sheroic podcast for us it's all one big
team um so we're very excited to have
you yay welcome and yesterday in um
adding the newest amazing person of the
team I realized that we are now more
than 60% female here at impact the so
amazing but horrifying that it took us
this long to get female apparel up in
the site I know but it's also because
I'm very picky about female apparel just
because I know as a consumer I'm you
know kind of a difficult person to shop
for CU I'm always looking at fabric
quality fit function all of that so I
wanted to make sure that our ladies had
nice options for the store and we could
you know give them an accurate
assessment of what they're getting love
it love it and now it drops tomorrow
drops tomorrow officially beautiful we
did the photo shoot yesterday guys so
we'll have some fun pictures for you to
check out that is amazing so all right
that is off and now we have a an amazing
question that you're going to lead us
off with this one's very ex so our first
question comes from Sean matthys from
the connect
inbox I'm 44 I'm married I have two boys
10 and 12 that are very active in sports
my wife has a thriving freelance graphic
design and art Direction business I work
in technical sales for a large
international corporation life is crazy
busy I want to get off the corporate
sales hamster wheel and create something
a business that is Meaningful to me I'm
struggling to find an interest forget
about a passion at this point I have
always done what was expected of me
studied hard got good grades got a good
job bought a house etc etc I have never
explored who I am or what excites me I'm
convinced I should and can start
something meaningful I'm struggling to
find a meaning due to the fact I don't
really know who I am how do I start this
journey where do I begin what is the
lead Domino yeah this question is
amazing Sean thank you so much for
sending that in I think there are a
gaggle of people that are struggling
with this exact same issue so I have a
belief about um well so first of all
passions uh are not discovered they're
veloped so if you don't have a passion
don't be surprised you said that you've
never turned Inward and really looked at
yourself to figure out who you are and
done that self- exploration so that
that's the nature of the Beast so um
that is as that's an an inevitable
outcome of not doing the introspection
so the good news is that it really is a
relatively simple process so right now
inside of you is something that you find
interesting intriguing it pequs your
curiosity whatever the case may be and
99 times out of 100 especially for
somebody who is a self-described rule
follower and I'm reading a book right
now called barking up the wrong tree and
it's about um basically what makes
people successful and the things that we
think make people successful are not
necessarily the things that actually do
and um I'm not very far into the book
but I have a sense of what the premise
is which is a lot of the things that we
think are bad or negative traits
actually in the right circumstance will
help somebody Thrive so um think of
somebody who in fact I'll give you an
example from the book one of there's a
thing called Race Across America where
you get on a bike and you ride from I
think Santa Monica or San Diego maybe uh
to um Atlantic City and most people go
oh it's like the tour to France but it's
not because the tour to France is done
in stages there's rest periods in the
Race Across America every minute that
you spend taking a break somebody else
is passing you so these guys will go
like four days in a row without sleeping
I mean it's just absolute Bonkers people
have died on the race crazy crazy so the
person who's won more times than anybody
else has gotten into fights with
mailboxes has like literal punch-ups
with mailboxes because he's like a
little like he really puts himself out
there and so in the sort of sleep
deprivation uh he'll have emotional
breakdowns and like his wife uh at one
point got so distressed over how
obsessive he gets about this that she
locked herself in the trailer and like
when Kamal she was freaking out over how
much he was freaking out so looking at
that guy like in a normal setting you
just be like he's a little too obsessive
like he gets way way way too into
something but you put him in that
environment and suddenly it becomes an
advantage right so um it's you often
hear people throut the very trit words
that your weaknesses are your strengths
um and when you don't explain what that
means I think that it doesn't really add
up to anything but that's a great
example of a Time where that really
becomes something that's incredibly
advantageous so inside of all of us I
think there is a spark of something and
people don't want to admit what that is
and if they're a rule follower like it
sounds like our boy Shawn is instead of
a rule breaker uh somebody who's who's
got like some weird thing about them
that they really feed into and Surround
themselves in an environment where that
can Thrive um they they don't discover
themselves so as he's describing himself
as like I did all the things that were
always expected of me got good grad all
of that um another thing they talk about
in this book is how valedictorians never
go on to be like the breakout successes
in life they do very well in high school
they do very well in college but that
rewards people for doing that so you're
going to be entering into a phase and in
fact maybe the very thing that is the
lead Domino here is a willingness to
step outside of all of that to not worry
about what the social constraints are
what other people are going to think of
you you really have to be prepared to
break out of that and understand that
the game that you're playing is not
pleasing other people the game that
you're playing is brain chemistry and so
the only thing in his question this is
going to be weird coming from me I think
people are are going to be surprised by
this the only thing in his question I
find a little bit like ah I wouldn't
double down on that is needing to start
a business so I don't think that's how
the vast majority of people are going to
express themselves so my gut instinct is
you will find that deeply uncomfortable
if what you've excelled at is um really
like getting into the system um
leveraging the momentum of society and
all of that to carry you Downstream it
it may be too weird uh of an emotional
turn to now all of a sudden like cuz the
unless if the wife's
um her business can support the family
then maybe this isn't as true and he can
really try and experiment but there is a
lot of stress that goes along with
running a business and if you're not
wired for that like I'm very I have a
real problem with authority so for me
being my own boss is always felt right
even though I'm a natural rule follower
which is so weird and I totally get that
and it's a one-on-one um thing that I
rebel against more than like the system
it's even confusing for me but so I
think the lead
Domino yes I think the lead Domino is
stepping outside of the system no longer
allowing yourself to care about what
people think then you're going to have
to turn inwards and find that thing
that's that first twinge of interest and
I always use video games as um the
classic example of something that most
people think think is a total waste of
time where if if when you look inward
the thing that you really like let's say
it's comic books or it's video games or
it's something that Society is going to
tell you just isn't um a value ad if you
can see how that can serve you and you
can help other people or whatever it is
that's going to U make you feel good in
that thing then you'll understand how
this process works so let's say he looks
Inward and he doesn't see feeding the
homeless um building houses in Peru like
he he sees secretly what I want to do is
play video games great like be honest
about what it is and I think that you're
really going to have to own what that is
or this is going to in fact this is the
huge thing you have to be careful of if
you're a rule follower you're going to
want to look Inward and see something
that the rest of the world will tell you
is beautiful and advantageous and
worthy that is dangerous you need to
turn inward and see what's actually
there that's so important so when I look
in word for instance I see movies TV
shows video games books comic books um a
real desire to pull people out of the
Matrix um a desire to learn something
and then present it like I really enjoy
um giving talks I really enjoy this
creating this content so what you're
seeing is me going okay the other thing
I know about the world is Techni is the
thing that leads to fulfillment so I've
worked really hard to gain a certain
skill set and I can put that skill set
to use in helping other people okay
that's that's a big part of it so you
turn inward you find that interest
Techni is just meaningful it's the way
the human animal is wired so there's
going to need to be some sense of
leveraging your skill set and maybe it's
already the skill set that it sounds
like you have in sales so when you turn
inward and you see that thing whatever
it is how do you marry that ideally to
either the skill set you already have or
a skill set that you're willing to
acquire than to help other people so if
it's video games so I'll tell you right
now that um a p piece of content that's
always been in the back of my mind and
maybe one day I'll I'll write an article
or [ __ ] it maybe we'll write a book on
the subject is what I've learned about
business by playing video games and what
I think kids can learn about life and by
the way I think video games are probably
the way that video games work are almost
certainly the future of Education okay
so that's me turning Inward and seeing
oo I like that thing like I find in fact
the shirt that I'm wearing right now is
a video game shirt so when I turn inward
I see things like that but there are
ways to marry that to techia certain
skill set that you have so I have an
ability to um assimilate very complex
information and make it relatable and
accessible to other people especially if
you let me speak or write so that would
be like what his process would look like
if it were me so I turn inward I see the
video games how do I make this useful
how do I leverage my skill set in order
to bring it to other people so that I'll
be fulfilled but also be in the universe
of things that I like um lead Domino
stop caring about what other people
think next thing is the process of
turning an interest into a passion so
how do you turn an interest into a
passion by gaining Mastery in that realm
so that's how you'll decide whether it's
something that you actually really care
about or not so in that process which
would be very difficult will involve a
lot of boring things if you love that
environment so much like I'll just tell
you I find writing to be brutally
painful um I think it was Tim Ferris
that said I like and he may have been
quoting somebody else but I got it from
him um I don't like writing I like
having written that is exactly how I
feel the process of writing is just an
inexhaustible period of facing my
inadequacies so all I'm doing the entire
time is encountering the fact that I'm a
rewriter that my first draft is always
horrific that every word is like um uh I
think the best description I've ever
heard of the writing process was from
Kurt vonette Jr and he said I feel like
a a toddler with a crayon in his mouth
um you know trying to write on paper and
I was like that is exactly what it feels
like it feels so so clumsy but anyway
like getting into that process if you
love that environment and the outcome so
much and the universe of things you're
able to do while you're in that bubble
then it's worth all of that boredom pain
struggle suffering and like for me it's
not even a debate right so I'm I'm very
willing to go through all of that to
figure out how to articulate an idea
because that moment of Awakening for
myself quite honestly and for somebody
else is so powerful that is amazing so
um but there are many other things that
I tried that that wasn't the case and so
those are the things you move on from so
that's um you could write an entire book
to answer that question but those are my
key takeaways and and the final one
being you're absolutely correct you must
do this to live your life and never have
been introspective and figured out what
it is that makes you you or maybe even
more important because it's it's about
defining what makes you you and I think
people want to turn inward and uncover
something
but that's really not how it works
you're going to turn inward and you're
going to develop something based on
maybe little Sparks but it isn't like
some big thing it's going to be
something like think about if I were
born a 100 years ago I certainly
wouldn't turn inward and see video games
like that's a product of my environment
so it's a product of the time that I
live in so understand that you're going
to develop something based on those
little Sparks so look inward see the
Sparks do the work all right hopefully
you answer your question Sean um and
thank you for submitting our next one
comes up from Matt Davis um what's your
take on personality tests such as Myers
Briggs um en gram Etc have you used it
do you believe it uh believe that it has
any value and or frankly is it all Bs um
I don't think it's all Bs I I Myers
Briggs is a great example of if you have
somebody take it and then take it I
think as little as two hours later
they'll score differently so ah there
there is very revelatory stuff in that I
don't think that you can do too many of
them but I think to feel like you have
somebody pegged when you know their
Myers Briggs rating I don't think that's
real I just think there's way too much
Nuance now the one thing I will say is I
just read the book Captivate and we have
Vanessa van Edwards the author coming on
and one thing she talks about is the
only sort of Personality assessment
that's backed by science is a thing
called the five values I think um and
that that I found really really
interesting so first of all it's um very
blunt force trauma which I'm a big
believer in like it's just sort of
highlevel clumsy like oven mitt stuff
like they think of uh what's a great
example so I have the acronym is ocean
um which stands for openness so I'm high
open which means that I um have a high
degree of desire for new experience so I
love doing new stuff so for instance my
wife and I almost never um repeat the
same like vacation spot so um I knew
this guy somebody told me a story of a
guy I should say to be honest that did
the same vacation every year for like 25
years and I was like what the hell so
that's super anathema to me I like
change I like things to be different I
it is an understatement to say I like
change okay so I'm high open uh C
conscientiousness I am very low
conscientiousness which means I don't
plan ahead I don't worry about mess um I
don't have lists and things like that it
just uh I'm not obsessive like that in
my thinking so I never get into that
stuff um e uh extraversion I am an Ambi
avert at best possibly edging towards
introvert um so I recharge by myself for
sure um and one of the questions they
ask in the book is how many good friends
do you have and I was like uh my group
of friends is teeny tiny if you exclude
people I work with it's essentially
non-existent um just because I always
want to be by myself um so uh
OCA oh God what's a agreeableness I'm
high agreeable so I love getting along
with people um and then n is is Neurosis
yeah neurotic neurotic Neurosis it's
something along those lines uh and I'm
very low neurotic so I don't fret about
things I don't worry about them so that
as like a a ball to put people in gives
you a rough idea of what I'm like you're
not going to get any of the Nuance or
anything like that but it's a rough idea
that actually really resonated with me
when I was reading it and I started
thinking about like where's my wife and
then we were talking here about
everybody reading the book and then all
us all getting together cuz it's the
first time where I felt like it's yeah I
want to read it's sort of simple enough
to where you could really feel like you
have a rough idea of how this person
views the world um like my wife for
instance uh High open uh low
agreeableness she does not give a [ __ ]
what other people think like in in a
almost combative way which is really
interesting um and then um she's High
neurotic she's high
conscientiousness and I'm forgetting
which one I missed oh
extraversion my wife's introverted uh
so I need to think about that one more
I'm actually curious where where she'd
self-rate herself she's the kind of
person that wants to go to a party but
then cancels at the last second every
time so I'm not sure like where that
like my sister always cuz I just don't
want to go whereas she actually wants to
go and she loves to dance so I don't
know need to think about that literally
like my sister fascinating so like most
of the time I'll be like the invitation
ex is extended there's no expectation
that you will go and so it makes her
feel better just because she always used
to feel guilty whenever she would just
be like I don't want to go and I'd be
like why wouldn't you want to go you
said yes because I just you're full
extrovert so I'm ambiverted probably
closer to the extroverted said okay yeah
it's interesting but like I and I think
I've adopted a lot of like introverted
traits because most of my family is
really introverted really so I don't
know I was just kind of the odd one out
always there we go so that's a very long
way of saying I think there's use in
them I think it is fascinating to try to
isolate what makes people tick I think
it's important to understand yourself
more than anybody else um but yeah yeah
and I think you can use them as kind of
like rough guidelines for yourself just
to kind of give yourself more words to
figure out what fits and what doesn't so
you can throw it out or adopt it um and
then a followup from
jummani um what are your thoughts about
strengths strengths finder have you ever
used that one I haven't used it I'm
relatively familiar with the concept dis
yeah dis um so I don't know either of
those well enough to really go deep but
I'll lump them into the same category
there's probably a lot of it'll force
you to be introspective which is already
good um it'll probably give you some
insights into yourself it would probably
give you some rough insights into other
people I find that most of it tries to
be too nuanced and becomes very um sort
of momentary dependent and when you get
into like the really nitty-gritty like I
remember taking a Myers Brig test it was
pretty long if I remember right
yeah and um and I remember as I was
going through it like depending on what
mood I'm in I could go like either
direction and so that was what I liked
about ocean like there is no question
where I fall in each of those categories
so that's where I I come down it gives
you like a better sense of definitive
answers when you're taking it does and
because it um isn't like backing you
into any sort of weird Corners that feel
like they could be different from one
minute to the next um I mean yeah even
just looking at my life historically
like sure are there times where um I'm
less open than others yes but like if
you look at my life I crave change right
so yeah that one just felt on the money
to me all right this one comes from
Rahal marabu from the connect inbox as
well all right um this is an interesting
one I recently started watching your
show and it's got me hooked however
there's one thing I can't get past in an
interview with David Goggins Tom you
talked about um his wait Tom talked
about his and Lisa's decision not to
have kids because it would be hard to
teach them the importance of suffering
I'm paraphrasing as a new mother this
makes me discouraged so if the universe
played a trick on you and Lisa became
parents so if the universe played a
trick on you and you and Lisa became
parents yeah what three things would you
most definitely do and what three things
would you not
do okay uh well this is fascinating I've
never um thought through certainly not
okay so here we go I would I would make
them suffer so that is one thing and
making them suffer is um I would make
them do hard things so whether that hard
thing is just
um God my parents made me do a lot of
manual labor so and as my dad always
said this will build character and it
really did I'd like to think I could
find a more interesting way to do it so
I'll I will tell you this I would
certainly make them start martial arts
that's one of those things that I wish I
had done when I was
younger um I would have them start that
and I probably like I would use Angela
ducksworth notion of you can quit but
not until after you've done like the
full time so let's say a year whatever
so once you start like you're doing a
year Keller High Water you got to do do
the hard thing stick with it but if at
the end of that you're like this really
isn't for me then for sure we'll let you
back out um I think that is a strong
magic I would not spoil them so
obviously our kids would grow up with
access to resources and I think that um
that can really really distort your view
um so making sure that that they really
understand hard work like that is the
core of my existence is hard work um so
I'd want to make sure that they really
busted ass um I have a hard time with
the current education system like if I
the thought of putting someone back
through it like it doesn't bother me
that I went through it and I don't feel
like you know any huge deficit or
anything but looking back at it now the
thought of putting someone else through
that meat grinder like I did okay going
through it but I think that it's really
bad mojo for a lot of people so I'd
really be reticent to um put them
through traditional
schooling uh what else would I do
empathy and compassion I would just make
sure that they learned that that they
were kind good people um yeah making
them nightly rituals that would be
another big one do you remember oh AJ
Hawk yes his whole thing with his kids
at night like yeah that really hit me oh
and that's another important one so look
up Jeffrey Canada he talks a lot about
what's the difference between somebody
that grows up in a middle- class family
and why they going to be successful
versus somebody that grows up in the
inner cities and why they go into
struggle and in an oversimplification of
what he found it goes something like
this the number of words that you hear
by the age of like it's either three or
five very distressing so just the raw
number of words that you hear and then
the ratio of positive to negative words
develop the language centers in your
brain and sort of give you a frame of
reference for the world if uh and so
according to him it's something like the
average kid in
um uh in a middle class family here is I
think 70 million words or something by
the time they're five whatever the age
was and the ratio is 70% positive to 30%
negative and in the inner cities it's
like less than 50 million words and the
ratio is exactly flipped and it's 70%
negative and 30% positive and he said
that is so damaging to the language
centers of their brain and the frame of
reference becomes one of negativity that
they just they're not able to ever
overcome that and so he actually said
God I really need to refresh myself in
this because I really want to get him on
the show I'm almost certain he said just
patently give up on adults and that is
one of those like nuggets of wisdom that
I have so assured like I can't bring
myself to do it um but that is his
advice so now he tries to build programs
for um women who are pregnant or may
become pregnant to get them to uh read
to their children every night and like
some other things it's utterly
fascinating so that's a very clumsy
shell of what I would do cuz I've not
put a lot cuz I don't plan to have kids
so I've not put a lot of thought into it
but itd be interested to know like what
about bilingual households for children
too well when Lisa and I were thinking
about kids we were like oh do we bring
like an opair from Greece so that the
kids actually learn to speak Greek and
the here's the problem and I'm not sure
if this is where you're headed but
within 10 years you'll have like a
little device and it can translate any
language like like languages are going
to go away
it's going to be weird I'm a I'm
traumatized about that that's so
interesting to think about um but yeah
so we have shout outs coming in from
Lyall Martin in Bakerfield so B in the
house boo like runs place all of a
sudden Jared what are you doing to these
people he's just you know one at a time
I guess one at a time bring the F just
secretly Fu hang in Springfield Missouri
and Debbie Caprio in Rondo Beach nice
what is what up everybody Welcome wait I
think Debbie is Chase's mom really right
your mom's in the house hey Mom what is
up mama Chase welcome to the feed all
right by the way your son's amazing so
well done well played with that one all
right so this next um question comes
from Kelly uh Foss what time of the day
do you personally find you can do your
best work early early early in the
morning like [ __ ] early like 3:00
a.m. early it's quiet and that's yeah
that's me it's quiet what else is it
there's a Vibe little distraction cuz
that was the reason in college I would
stay up till like 2 and 3 and 4:00 in
the morning yes that doesn't work for me
now for sure and I don't know that it
ever worked great because for me like
fatigue really starts to set in and I
can feel myself getting slower and
slower and slower as we go whereas so
like today I woke up at like
3:45 so I'm up I'm in the gym before
4:00 a.m. I'm done in the gym by 5:00
a.m. and so like I'm like fully on my
grind it was a really awesome think
ofate day um took a lot of rad notes I
was like these are one of those days
that I talk about where like 30% of the
time you just like Smash It and you're
like oh my God this amazing today was
one of those days absolutely phenomenal
and like doing all of that like there's
something about So This Is My Jam so I
sit in a dark room still dark outside I
have headphones on that are playing the
sounds of night like you know like the
Crickets and stuff in a meadow and oh
man like and I yeah I don't know if it's
like that that's just like hardwired
into us to like really get in a into a
state of profound calm but
wowza unlike any other time like even so
I'll give you another time I love
meditating so we have a waterfall in my
backyard so I'll go sit in the waterfall
right and so like all you can hear is
the water cuz it's like smashing down on
you and that is amazing but it doesn't
compare to that morning where the world
is dark I can't even see anything and
I'm sitting in a dark room so I don't
even see the room so it's just dark and
I hear the sounds of the Crickets I feel
like I could solve any problem in my
life in that zone like when I can
because I do it right after meditating
so I'm in like this calm creative
state like that for me that is the juice
that's super interesting cuz like when
you were just talking about how it's
like very dark it just reminded me of
when I went to the sensory deprivation
Center and the fact that you would think
that you would get like bored I was like
oh like how am I going to be in here for
2 hours before I knew it they were like
knocking on the door and I was like wait
did I fall asleep like what was I even
thinking about because you just lose all
sense because you're so com confined in
the I'm going to need to try that
because you have to try one it does not
sound interesting to me but like I think
you would like it there's like something
about it until you try it I guess yeah
there's like something about it cuz I
went into it with like a completely open
mind and can I tell you my beef you
can't take notes so like if I have a rad
idea I would worry that by the end I
would forget it and so there would be
this Conant sense of frustration I
actually thinking about it you like
cured cancer while you were in there
didn't you and then you like [ __ ] what
was it again but like I'm not sure if I
was like but it was it was interesting
to let your brain just like run like
that and see what you see or hear what
you hear well that's another thing so
auditory hallucinations are the most
common type of hallucination and they
come from your ear not receiving input
and so then it just starts making [ __ ]
up which that's weird and I think
probably the source of tontis which is
why like if you destroy someone's
eardrum you could surgically remove it
let's say they're having
you remove the eard drum the ttis will
get worse because I'm going to guess
it's actually your brain freaking out
about the null signal and filling it in
with something it's kind of like Phantom
limb syndrome now why you don't hear
boach instead of like
the noise that it gives you I'll never
understand that's a twisted nature yeah
what did you hear I feel like I was so I
was seeing a symphony and like did you
drop Lis
no I just went I just went nothing and
you were seeing music so in it I feel
like I was I was seeing a lot of
different colors we're totally going on
a tangent so let's enjoy this so I was
seeing a lot of different colors and
they were depending on where I guess my
eyes were moving but I'm not sure and if
I closed my eyes they became more like
Vivid that is so weird but like when you
open your eyes there's no difference so
it was it was really interesting because
I was seeing them almost like they were
moving notes which made me kind of think
of like this must be similar to what
synesthesia feels like for some people
because like I think there was like a
like it felt like a symphony like I was
feeling like a symphony I was like
floating kind of like in a universe bace
in a circle but like I don't like the
place is small so I'm not
really do this uh my sister she was just
like we got to go to a sensory
deprivation tank yeah so she I think
she'd been to
one this would have been the second time
she'd gone the first time she freaked
out and she left early cuz it was like
you know small
androb so like I'm not sure if it was
like claustrophobia for her or not but
she said she freaked out and so she left
and so this next time she's like you
should come with me like I signed up and
I was like okay sure um and then I went
with her and it was cool it was
interesting and like her experience of
it was a lot different than my
experience so yeah fascinating yeah and
she was like I'm surprised you made it
through the whole thing I was like I
probably could have just stayed
there that's funny wow well I have to
give it a shot but definitely check it
out all right so our next question is
from rzan masani hey Tom is there an age
limit of learning things like piano and
can you learn two skills together
absolutely not there's no age Li well
dead dead is the age limit so as long as
you're alive you can learn something I
mean that that's just like brain
plasticity
101 that doesn't mean that the brain
doesn't go through um periods so it's
like you take in virtually everything
until the age of like 11 or 12 and then
brain goes through like a pruning
process and so it does start to
prioritize things but if you're going
into a disciplined practice mode um you
can learn at any time 100% myelination
occurs at every stage of life um and
then what was the other one the other
part of the question um can you learn
two skills together yeah I don't see why
not the same time yeah no question all
good brain is an adaptation machine
adaptation being like a the the physical
correlate to learning absolutely and I
can't believe we haven't said this
already but if this feed is adding value
to your life please share it to help us
grow our community word we got like so
wrapped up in our conversation true got
the little things there it is all right
so our next question comes from Daniel
Breeze our boy Daniel Breeze hey guys do
you think that if you haven't figured
out your why yet that you should spend
your time developing good habits are
there any habits that will help you find
your
why um I no I don't think there are
habits that are naturally going to lead
to a why unless that habit is like
introspection where you sit down and you
do the the work um why is an interesting
one because I am really curious to know
and I have never thought about this so
if you're building a company got to have
a why um once you have a family that
becomes most people's y's and I remember
when I was interviewing a lot I I would
tell people other than your family XYZ
right because the family is like
everybody's answer uh magic Genie shows
up and gives you one wish I wish for my
family to be happy and secure okay okay
easy Chief like other than your family
like you uh the magic gen shows up gives
you $7.4 billion what do you do take
care of my family it's like once
somebody has a family neurologically
forget it like that they are
hardwired to prioritize their family so
if we can remove that from the equation
then what does the average person like
what becomes their why and the
terrifyingly true answer is to make ends
meet that's it that's where the vast
majority of the known Universe lives to
make ends meet now the good news is one
of the best things to come out of the
way that Millennials were raised is they
have this real expectation that their
life is going to matter that they are
going to have impact I love that and if
they can figure out the mechanisms by
which to develop that why um but I would
be very curious to know like what the
average person thinks of as their why
because my gut instinct is they don't
have one like
they're they're
aimlessly seeking to get rid of that
feeling of frustration and emptiness
that's what I think most people are
doing and they they never develop a real
like and I think because again they're
expecting it to be this uncovering
process and it's not going to be that
it's going to be a development process
in fact let's talk about my obsession
with freeing people from The
Matrix there was a wonderful accident in
my life I wanted a bit of extra credit
in college okay I happened to attend a
University that is in the middle of the
ghetto USC like if you've never been to
the USC campus it is like ghetto ghetto
ghetto ghetto ghetto beautiful campus
ghetto ghetto ghetto ghetto ghetto okay
it is so weird and so you're there
you're on campus teacher says who wants
extra credit oh dear God me and he said
great you're going to go teach in the
inner
cities and I was like okay well if
that's what I have to do to get uh extra
credit I went I taught
oceanography an inner city school I was
mortified beyond measure by how drab and
horrifying inner city schools are in the
LA Public School System is the only one
I can speak to it was public school
systems mortifying and everything about
it was gross except the kids were
amazing and the kids were
so just full of life and I was like wow
like any other kid right they have not
been beaten down by the man the system
the whatever they were so hungry for
knowledge that it was insanely rewarding
so then I go back and I think it was
again like somebody said do you want
extra credit yes and I so I don't know
if this was like USC really tries to get
teachers to do that but they were like
this time you're going to do one-on-one
mentoring now I wasn't smart enough to
think the people that the teachers give
you to take out of their class are going
to be the most dysfunctional children
ever and so they gave me this kid rashan
talked about him before he was a mess he
was um I won't air all of his dirty
laundry he was problematic let's just
say that wildly disruptive in the
classroom and he was being medicated so
he was like really small and Hyper
aggressive which was very jarring for me
anyway he works he figures out how to
work me like like a little mental ninja
and so he would ignore me push me away
um get into fights with other people I
was only supposed to be there for an
hour for almost the entire hour at the
end of the hour when I say all right to
go in 10 minutes he would start crying
flipping out please help me like oh
don't leave and I would fall for it
every time and so I'd stay an extra hour
so he'd get a stay out of class for two
hours the first hour fighting me pushing
pulling screaming freaking out and then
the next hour being a very diligent good
boy post tiar and so they say hey at
week six you need to remind them I'm
only coming for two more weeks so week
six I say hey just a reminder it's an
8we program only coming for two more
weeks and he loses his [ __ ] and I was
like what I've never seen a human being
melt down like this and I was like I
don't even understand what's going on
and twigging twigging twigging twigging
twigging and so finally I'm like is this
about me like cuz keep in mind it wasn't
like hey I'm only coming for two more
weeks oh man [ __ ] you I can't believe
you're only coming for two more weeks it
was just like spazz attack and so I'm
not like putting it together at first
and then I'm like is this because I'm
not coming anymore
yes fine for if you'll calm down and
stop doing this like 2hour thing where
for the first hour you're a little
psychopath and then for the next hour
you're diligent if you get to work right
when I come as long as I live in Los
Angeles I will help you deal deal and
that became an eight and 1 half year
relationship because of that I spent an
inordinate amount of time he lived in
Compton literally Compton and so I would
um because he kept getting moved so at
first he was there by USC USC is not in
Compton but it's in South Central so met
him in South Central he ends up moving
to Compton I start going to Compton and
bringing him back to like nice
neighborhoods to see movies and stuff
like this but anyway become sort of a
big brother relationship and I get to
see like the unending horror that is the
inner cities that PL a seed in me to
like want to help people realize there's
a path out of that that there's a whole
another world that they can plug into
and be a part of and then because of
quest because I was already framed for
that and I saw in all these kids that
were coming to work for me another
rashan it was like just really
solidified in me this so it becomes
literally the central why of my life to
help people out of the Matrix but had I
never met ran I would have had a totally
different framing coming into Quest if I
hadn't been the first of the three of us
to go there I wouldn't have been the one
in production which was why I was so
close cuz you're hiring laborers for
that so it's inner city kids
undereducated those are the kids coming
through so if either of my other two
partners had been the first ones to move
over to Quest they would have been the
ones doing manufacturing I would have
never had that other encounter so what
would my why look like then I don't know
so it's I'm telling you like this stuff
isn't uncovered it's developed it
becomes a thing like sure I I love
seeing other people win so that played
into
it it do the work look inward turn a
spark into a fire but that takes work it
takes asking a lot of questions it it
takes following your bliss which may be
the best advice ever floated into the
universe uh by Joseph cble who said
there there is that thing that you enjoy
like for whatever reason I really
enjoyed helping ran I really enjoyed
helping the people at Quest like I
really really enjoyed that um and that
you develop into your why so develop
itam it's not just going to show up bam
being covered it's gonna be built Brick
by Brick Brick by Brick that's it all
right so this next question comes from
Rishi sari Sor Vash sorry um I've been
diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses
I have become homebound people started
to shut me out of their lives now my
parents are always raging at me because
of the taunts the community gives them
I'm mostly in my room now all day it's
been a lonely Journey so far how do you
explain to your family that mental
illness isn't contagious and that it
isn't my fault and how do you come out
of
it uh wow that is an insanely big
question and I I'm going to give you an
answer but I I will just say this right
now in no way shape or form am I
qualified to give somebody advice on how
to battle through a mental illness now
having said that I think the only way to
be useful is to give you some sort of an
answer
um while it is very hard to accept that
some people are going to reject you no
matter what I cannot tell you what a
fruitless battle it will be to try to
convince other people that mental
illness is not a contagion like and
first of all that's not what they're
worried about it makes them
uncomfortable because they don't
understand it uh they can't relate to it
and so when people aren't wired for that
empathy when they're not wired to like
really just have an unending desire to
reach out and like figure out how to
help and all that even when they're your
parents like meet them with empathy show
them as much compassion as you can but
understand that they're not going to be
able to give you what you need and
mental illness or not you're going to
have to take responsibility now I have
people in my life very very close to me
that have struggled profoundly with
devastating mental illness I'm talking
like there are spiders on my face no
there's not dude everything's fine like
that kind of mental illness
and when even though it's hard even
though it's unfair all of that is true
when you take responsibility for it you
can begin to unwind some of that stuff
um
make available to you any and all
resources uh if you can afford it to
work with a professional if you cannot
afford it there are many resources
online to at least connect with other
people that have been through it so that
you can get some of the shortcuts and
the hacks and tips and tricks from them
and quite frankly support those are
going to be people that already
understand that it's not something
that's contagious they've already had to
deal with the fact that um much of the
world is going to push back and shun you
and all of that so finding like-minded
people that make you feel emotionally
safe that is absolutely critical um
that's really really important and then
man if I were you I would research the
living [ __ ] out of the brain like I
would know the brain forwards and
backwards I would understand what is
generating whatever um neurological
issue that it is that you're struggling
with and I would treat it just like I
would treat it if I had uh damage to a
limb either from birth if I had a birth
effect or if I got in an accident or
something and had to um deal with a
permanent injury and I would just try to
figure out from a physiological iCal
level what can be done how can this be
addressed is it something um is Diet
exercise um meditation like what are all
the things and you'll notice I name all
the non-drug interventions first I would
do all of those and see how much I could
maximize my Improvement and then I
wouldn't be afraid to try to try drug
interventions and see how much they help
I would not self-medicate I would be
working with a professional um ideally
quite frankly a professional that had
been through some of this uh so that
they have firsthand experience and they
really know what's going on but I would
take responsibility um for everything I
would be my own Advocate I would be
watching like I don't struggle with my
microbiome but my wife does and every
day I research the microbiome to try to
help my wife because I take
responsibility for that so you're going
to have to take responsibility and you
are going to have to completely jettison
Notions of fair uh because you're going
to ask yourself a thousand times why me
and there is no answer so the only why
is genetics and environment you got
Delta rough hand and now is your chance
to rise above that [ __ ] and show that
you can play it to an amazing degree so
there are incredible in fact the guy
that the movie A Beautiful Mind is based
on was a paranoid schizophrenic so and
yet a movie called A Beautiful Mind is
about him there are ways you can deal
with it and in the movie they address it
like he knew he hallucinated people like
fullblown people and so he would just
find somebody trusted in his life and
say is this person real or not and if
the person was like there's no one there
then he would know okay you're not a
real person I mean that's like
incredible like if you can just get to
that point where it's like okay this is
the truth of me the person I was
referring to earlier um they would look
in the mirror and they would see a
spider on their face and theyd just be
like at first they would [ __ ] freak
out and then they began to realize okay
that's one of my hallucinations I know
it's not real and so I'm not going to
Twig out about it and so you have to
like work through that process
all right hopefully that helped Rishi
our next question comes from Mitch
Phillips first time watching live I'm
hyped welcome to the feed um I love the
podcast keep it up Tom and team what do
you think is the most important skill
for an aspiring entrepreneur to pick up
apart from the growth mindset of
course that so you just rob me of
everything that actually matters I was
like and it's like and stop so
everything beyond the mindset is
specific to what you're trying to be
good at so um whatever your path is
going to be whatever that area is that
you want to be great at um the only
other sort of it's it all comes back to
mindset other than very specific skills
so that's the truth I don't know what
industry you're in um but knowing more
about your topic than anybody else
borders on a superpower so research
research research and while this is
mindset um every day I think think to
myself dude you're the man because
you're willing to outwork people and I
can't tell you like I live in my
document the most important things and I
get like so almost everything in that
list sucks and I hate doing it that's
part of what makes it important is it's
all that connective tissue it's dealing
with lawyers it's contracts it's moving
things across the line it's making sure
things are monetizing it's all that
[Music]
um if you can learn to connect that
feeling of doing the hard things with
pride in yourself then you'll level up
because now it actually feels good so
even though any one of those things like
isn't fun to do I'm so proud of myself
when I just do it immediately I don't
hesitate I don't bulk like I can't tell
you how many times I've turned my phone
on and I want to go straight to the
amazing comments that you guys post and
trust me all I want to do is respond to
you all day and then I realize nope you
opened your phone to get to most
important things and so go right to it
and then I allow myself the secretion of
dopamine not to go into the comments but
instead for going into most important
things so like you have to do tricks
like that in order to um be willing to
do the things that other people aren't
willing to do that is how I've built my
career
100% well there you have it all right so
this last question before we do a
comment is from Roman hop hey Tom I'm
still very young 17 years old and I feel
stuck should I find a mentor work for
someone else or uh should I start a
business immediately am I I'm very
certain that one day I'm going to create
and run a business but I don't know if I
should work for someone else and develop
my skills or take the leap of faith and
go for the startup already so at the end
of the day man honestly you probably
shouldn't worry about starting a
business unless you have an idea that is
so compelling and so pressing to you
that you have to do it even though
you're almost certainly going to fail
so starting your own business has become
a bit like starting a band it's become
so cool and I love that by the way I
love that being an entrepreneur is like
the new cool it's the new rockstar I
think that's [ __ ] amazing and I'm all
for it but understand everybody has to
be a musician so you don't have to start
a business if you're not sure what to
build your business around then I
wouldn't worry about it uh I would start
laying your foundational skills I would
focus entirely on learning subjects that
you care about I would focus on being a
lynchpin employee uh which is worth its
weight in gold and then if in that
process of getting great at the game of
helping someone monetized doesn't need
to be your own self in really playing
that game seeing if you can rise up the
ranks um if in that process you realize
there is like a business that you have
to create to keep your sanity then do it
and then if you fail like it doesn't
matter right there's a great Elon Musk
quote uh when something is important
enough even when the probable outcome is
failure you should still do it um so but
you've really really got to believe like
I cannot stress enough like how gritty
and determined you have to be to fight
through the ocean of pain that is coming
your way when you're trying to build
something like it just isn't easy it is
so difficult it's a thousand little
battles every day and so you've really
got to believe in what you're trying to
do like for instance when I'm really
stuck and I'm like God I like continuing
to push forward I think of the very
specific people that I'm trying to help
I think of like right now there was
somebody who stuck like sea who wrote in
and the two kids and the wife and never
having been introspective and like how
do I get that or like somebody in a
refugee camp like how do I get the
message to them the world does not want
me to get the message to them the
world's going to do everything it can to
stop me from getting the message to them
so how do
you leverage like that to fight through
all the hard stuff and I find that most
people like it's just it's now become
like this socially pressured thing to
like start a business the vast majority
of the world should not start a business
and not because hey only some of us are
cool enough to run a business it isn't
that it's literally like you're teaming
up right you need amazing a players on
your team which means there have the
vast majority of the world needs to
focus on being an a player and then let
people who for whatever weird biological
wiring environmental way they were
raised whatever really want to start the
company and then te up and then at some
point if it becomes an imperative for
you switch change direction
right cool all right so we'll round out
with a nice comment from Jeremy Rogers
who's OG what's up guys so I've been on
board with y'all for almost a year now
and seriously Tom you and your team have
provided so much value to me personally
results in the last year include reading
30 books most of which were on your
reading list developed a growth mindset
use this growth um SL entrepreneur
mindset to grow a small business out of
the nonprofit organization that I run so
much value from the bottom of my heart
thank you wow that's amazing man thank
you that's incredible we live for stuff
like that around here that is am so
appreciated that's what we fight for and
with that if this live feed was adding
value to your lives make sure that you
share it um we're always looking to grow
the community word and hear more stories
like Jeremy's yeah no kidding so thank
you guys so so much we really appreciate
it um by the way drop in your comments
send uh questions to Connected impact
Theory and we will definitely be getting
them we're trying out a new thing that
we're doing which is um the tom ama
Series where if you submit your
questions a lot of them we don't have
time to get to during these because
they're a lot more free flow I do a lot
longer answers more exploratory um some
of it is me going introspective in my
own Universe the Amma series is we take
batches of like 30 questions and do two
minute answers each they're really fast
really Punchy um so submit your
questions there uh We've answered
everything from do I like turtles which
was just a wonderful question to the
more deep stuff so um anything that you
want to know submit those you can hit us
up at the connect inbox and if you
haven't already be sure to subscribe and
until next time my friends be legendary
take care and don't forget to shop
tomorrow women's apparel hash word go
after it bye everyone