Kind: captions
Language: en
everybody what is up welcome to another
episode of after impact I'm your host
Tom bill you and I am here with agent
Smith mr. bill you what's up dude that's
gone it's going very well thank you how
about you back good to be back this very
good nubby back thank you we missed you
while you're out Wow Lisa we missed you
guys and while I know it was wildly like
indulgent we loved the after not after
him back the the Q&A that you guys did
so much we really really had a good time
with that I cannot leave you guys to do
another one that has to be a lot of fun
happening Friday yes and hopefully you
guys loved it as much as we do it really
reinforced in us how powerful it is to
just ask pointed specific questions like
things that you kind of think you know
so you never really think to ask but
then when you hear people's answers like
whoa I actually didn't realize that yeah
really cool loved it the most yeah it
was a lot of fun and your questions are
great we're going to get into some more
of those on Friday nice but let me
welcome everyone here on Facebook live
this is after impacting on a Tuesday
which is not normal for us but tom has
to go out of town again we want to make
sure we do this live with you guys but
this is the show where we go deep into
the episode of impact theory
this week's guest Jay Williams the man
the myth the legend this one really
impacted me ya know really hood didn't
you read the book and that really yes I
think you deeply no question
yeah his book guys honestly I know I
harp on it in the episode but like watch
or read the book it's it's pretty
unbelievable
it takes you on an amazing emotional
journey and I think he wrote it by
himself I don't remember there being a
co-author
it is beautifully written and superraw
super vulnerable really takes you on an
incredible journey and because I'm not
Agent Smith
bring him in absolutely in the figurine
there is alright I like it yeah we got
to do this
box so much there it is yeah alright
alright
so yeah just the the book really really
takes you on a journey not a sports fan
so I didn't know if he made a comeback
or not and so reading it not knowing
like I know sort of where he ends up at
the end of his journey but I don't know
anything about the middle so that was
just a crazy ride yeah and just to give
our listeners and audience a background
on Jay Williams if you haven't seen the
episode yet I'll let you slide a little
bit because it's been live for a few
hours but he was a all-star basketball
player at Duke was all-american a couple
of different times he ended up having
his jersey retired in the rafters at
their arena there he was drafted in the
2002 NBA draft of the Chicago Bulls he
was going to be the next face of the
franchise he had taken over Michael
Jordan's locker I mean he was going
places so one year in the NBA and then
gotten to a horrific motorcycle accident
and his entire career became he came to
an end because he ruined his leg right
yeah
Broome is a point guard I think so yeah
yeah you got to be able to move to a
point guard
yeah yeah I mean just the story on its
surface is heartbreaking and what's
crazy is the moment he got in the
accident the first words out of his
mouth were I've thrown it all away
he's litter collides with a pole at 70
miles an hour he's laying on the ground
and just starts screaming I've thrown it
all the way after on it although because
he knew like it was just such a bad
accident yeah but the good part of the
story is that he rebuilds himself his
mind set brick by brick and has gone on
to have a great career as an ESPN
analyst doing college basketball
motivational speaker he's written an
amazing book and he's done a number of
other things and his star is rising yeah
it's incredible I am so interested I
mean this is like the tale for me right
like what can you do when you have to
rebuild yourself and in the episode I
talked about the inner city's destroys
virtually everyone that it touches them
but every now and then when you put
we'll do that pressure cooker you get
somebody who responds to it they just
somehow someway and jay-z to me is the
perfect example of somebody who has
become more I think because of what he
went through and I think that he would
just be such a fundamentally different
person if he hadn't gone through the
hardships that he went through and I
think the same is true of Jay I think
that we can expect not only is he
already done just an amazing
transformation he's a an entrepreneur
like you said he's a motivational
speaker he's a very talented and very
prominent analyst for basketball just
has already lived a life that most
people couldn't dream of and I think
he's just going to go on to do more and
I think that the mindset changes he's
gone through and what he's had to suffer
and endure it's just it has formed him
into an incredible human being I cannot
wait to see what he does moving forward
and off-camera we were talking and it's
just like there's really something to
this guy and I think that when you have
to endure something like that it either
breaks you and you just sort of
disappear and you go away or you really
become something unstoppable and I think
that I think he's unstoppable
yeah you mentioned something in the
interview that you felt like his actions
were consistent throughout his life
having done the research he did and read
his book and I wanted to dive into that
because you you often talk about these
moments of trial and tribulation and
suffering break most people but some
people come out better for it you think
that he's that person so he was that way
before this accident happened yeah so he
didn't get any recognition like when he
was coming up as a basketball player
nobody expected much from him in high
school he barely at least what it seemed
like barely gets accepted into college
but ultimately ends up actually being
relatively competitive a lot of people
competing for him goes to college his
first year is not very good I mean by
sort of collegiate standards but by the
time he finishes his second year I mean
he's just dominant and ends up going
back for a third year but he was so good
by the end of the second year he could
have gone into the NBA directly but like
justice is a grinder like he just puts
in the work and doesn't
need other people to tell him how great
he is like he understands how to
leverage a chip on his shoulder to
really work hard
outwork other people and just through
sheer force of will get good at
something and the classic tale of like
shooting baskets in the backyard at
night and just you know practice
practice practice and has the same kind
of transformation and it's the one and
only year that he played in the NBA
where he really liked the the Chicago
Bulls at the time is sort of fallen from
grace and since post Jordan era they've
really fallen apart he comes on the team
teams very lazy they're not coherent not
playing well and he starts falling into
sort of the traps of all the stuff and
then realizes wait a second like what am
i doing if I want to be one of the
greatest of all time I've got to put my
head down do the work and really get
great and I think it was the last 19
games of the season or something just
absolutely crushes it and people were
starting to say to him like whoa you
keep on this trajectory you're going to
have an all-star career like this is
going to be unbelievable and so that
work ethic that ability to beauty and
rage like want to be one of the greatest
at the same time like have the chip on
your shoulder the people to doubt you
and like knowing how to leverage them
both like he just had all of that like
at all times of his life and so when you
see him then go through the rehab it's
like all that same stuff right just
putting in way more work than most
people really wanted to create something
new being so pissed off at what he had
done leveraging both of those things and
then getting into being an analyst and
like really wanted to be great at it and
just putting it in any human amount of
work into getting great he's just always
leveraged that I won't say you always
had it something people were born with
that stuff but he relatively early on in
his life
so you think work ethic is the x-factor
there yeah 100% okay so how do you know
if you have that kind of work ethic you
don't you develop it in fact chat-up
Chas chase new t-shirt you ready for
this development greater than what would
be another D word for like sound present
anyway that's the thing I don't want to
derail the show I had it this morning
I'll remember it again but you develop
it in
instead of finding it that's the the
moral of the story everybody like fine
fine fine how do you know if you have it
you don't you develop it you create it
like out of thin air you develop that
skill set so let's say you're a hard
worker already right you consider
yourself a hard worker it's part of your
identity how do you know am i working at
that level that I need to be so as
interesting I'm reading barking up the
wrong tree right now he's coming on the
show this definitely be one of the
things we talk about where he says in
the book you used to be able to look to
the outside world to tell you when
something was enough because you lived
in a small tribe you found your niche
you got great at it and you were
delivering the value that you needed to
to the tribe now you live in this hyper
connected global economy with you know
seven billion people you're never going
to be the greatest of all time like the
number of people that become a Michael
Phelps or a Michael Jordan it's
essentially zero yeah and so if that's
never going to be you like how do you
deal in that world and he said basically
people just end up working themselves to
death and there's this point of
diminishing returns and all the stuff
and that is so Anathem odd to like my
belief system I'm glad you brought this
up because I wanted to ask this very
question yeah so he says in the in the
episode he tells that great story about
Kobe Bryant yeah how he goes in before
the Laker game and he there facing the
Lakers and it's Kobe and he wants to
show him like I can do this I'm a good
player we have a strong team so he goes
in before the game practices for an hour
and a half Kobe's in the gym to
practicing right Kobe practices for
another half hour after he's done and
then after the game when Kobe drops 40
he on them in the game so he goes up a
nap seems like like what why did you do
that why did you practice so long before
the game he said because you were in
there and I saw you and I had to
practice more than you did and I wanted
you to know no matter how hard you work
I'm willing to work harder yeah and
there's nothing against you right I
personally needed you to know so what do
you do with that if there's always going
if you take Eric Barker at his word and
there's always going to be sometimes
better who's willing to work harder how
does that not become just
completely defeating you ready for my
real answer and I am so interested to
have this conversation with a1 Agent
Smith because I'm really good I think
you and I like there's an interesting
difference of viewpoint between us on a
lot of things you're going to think I'm
a little crazy on this one um my honest
answer is you become the one there there
is no other attitude to take
now I I say that knowing full well most
people won't do it most people will not
heed that advice
most people are they're going to break
they're going to give up but what I
value in myself is a willingness to be
the one sir the Michael Jordan the
Phillips isn't lost his name the most
winning most Olympic gold medal Michael
fell yeah there we go like that like I
will punish myself for forgetting that
by the way so like that like knowing
that I am in the the podcast I did this
morning I had to look at a sign that
somebody was showing me it was Cindy I
guess this audience knows who that
somebody was Cindy was showing me
something and I looked at it and I lost
my train of thought and I that is not
acceptable for me so I need to get
better that for getting Michael Phelps
that's not okay for me like these are
this is how you become the one and so I
literally anybody that's not willing to
become the one I don't understand them I
don't understand sure and so what about
but no no you don't get off that easy
but like I want to know like what where
is it for you
you're such an insightful dude but yet I
know you think that I'm crazy for that
no I don't think you're crazy I think it
come are you prepared to be the one am i
yes
No yeah but you don't think I'm crazy
that's interesting no because it's not
where my interests are go on so I I
think that if you want to be the the
best at something and that's that's
awesome let's like go for it it's not to
me there's a point at which you're going
to have to wend is becoming the best
start to actually impact your your
health and your
well being right because I answer that
you have to rip yourself in half right
you could break yourself an out
absolutely yeah have to like this oh god
I have no idea how indulgent this is but
let's really go in on and so if you
don't intrinsically want that if you
don't have some driving force in you
that's compelling you to want to do that
then don't do it like I totally get that
but this is where if if your balance
isn't at least 80% beauty like what are
you doing like it doesn't make any sense
right so where you aim that to me that
is we're really going to go remind me to
give you the Layla Holly thing that just
happened on Chelsea yeah so to me like
if you're not doing something that you
love the more you do it like you really
love it then you're I just think you're
doing the wrong thing I was just on
vacation and at the end of the vacation
I legitimately was hungry to come home
like I just couldn't wait to get back I
didn't like sort of pressing pause and
the ambition for that long
it just it starts to make me feel icky
but at the same time I was bordering on
emotional like I had this sense of like
loss and sadness as we were leaving yeah
and I thought that sums me up so
perfectly like it isn't that I don't
like other things like I loved it but I
needed to I needed to leave I had a
compulsion to be done with vacation even
though it was so wonderful and so
amazing and I so indulged in it I have a
way easier time turning that off than my
wife so it's actually interesting to see
like whatever I do I go all-in
yeah so when I was on vacation I was on
vacation and it was lovely and I did
some work but only because I was really
having fun doing it and then when I
think about what we're building here at
impact theory there's two things going
on
one the day-to-day I love and let me
just learn from my suffering boys and
girls you can make the demand that you
make a living doing something that you
actually enjoy the day-to-day so
success is not promised struggle is but
when you're struggling doing something
that you actually enjoy in and of the
moment even though it's hard even though
it's difficult even though it may come
with some suffering you actually still
enjoy it you can make that demand and so
as I pursue doggedly and relentlessly
being number one
I only value myself so first of all I
enjoy I enjoy the process but I do not
value myself on whether or not I become
the one I value myself based on my
willingness to pursue it with everything
that I have and just the recognition of
what the human condition is which is
brain chemistry and so the second it's
roading me then I would stop if striving
to be number one made me feel worse
about myself made me enjoy my life less
I would stop like I literally don't
80/20 [ __ ] like look at your
life once it starts sliding you're doing
something wrong and if you're not
leveraging the twenty to actually then
get back to the eighty like that doesn't
make any sense the twenty percent of
what I'll call anger hatred aggression
like all of the like ugly things the
rage it's a tool and the moment that
it's using you and you're not using it
then you need to get rid of it so
because I am constantly gut checking
myself based on pain that I have
suffered in the past this is not like oh
I'm so clever this was I suffered so
needlessly for so long that I just hit a
point where I think it's Eckhart Tolle
who refers himself as being enlightened
you'll never hear me say that about
myself but like having hid that out of
absolute desperation so the same is like
the insights that I've had in my life or
because I'm so stupid I can't stop
myself from suffering so but through all
that I've realized these things I've
realized that I have a deep and
compelling desire to be the greatest of
all time I love that the pursuit of that
is so amazing doesn't matter if I ever
accomplished it so it's really a device
you use to inspire yourself yeah kind of
it is but it's also real and when I look
at like I don't it's not like I want to
be the greatest of all time
wing right right I want to be the
greatest of all time and I love having
something astronomically large that
you're striving for I just think the
problem
people make is they then make the
mistake of wrapping their self-esteem in
the acquisition of some arbitrary thing
yeah so being the greatest of all time
is it's just a goal that you set for
yourself so tying yourself a seam to a
finish line is suicide so I'm not going
to do that I know better than that I've
learned that lesson so but there are
things that I value and one of the
things is is striving for improvement to
be better to never put a ceiling on what
you're willing to dream so if there is
no ceiling to what you're willing to
dream then like sort of by definition
you have to be willing to strive to be
the greatest of all time and because I
won't suffer emotionally if I fail to
achieve that then it's only a bonus
right it's only additive it's only
excitement it's only the you know the
inspiration like you're saying but I
want to be really clear this is not me
winking and saying I want to be the
greatest got it it's for real I can get
on board with that so for me it's about
the process like if I have to enjoy the
process and the process of becoming like
that's what that's what I want to pursue
to no end that's where I want to put all
my energy I don't use like becoming the
best as a way to motivate myself I'm
competitive by nature I think
but if competition is not fun anymore I
will immediately withdraw like I if it
stops being fun for me I'm done that's
interesting there's because I know you I
don't think you're falling prey to this
but there's danger in in fun because
there are times where it's boring it's
painful and I feel like you have to
value the process of becoming much as
you value or steer by enjoyment I'm glad
you brought up competition which reminds
me of what I was going to say about
Layla leave so she was recently on so
she's been a guest on impact giving an
amazing guest and she was recently on
Chelsea Handler I guess not called
that's the Netflix version whatever it's
called and Chelsea does like these
dinners will she'll invite in this case
a bunch of former professional athletes
and Layla was one of them
and what was the girl's name she's an
Olympian gymnastics Aly Raisman okay so
Ali's on and for whatever reason Ali's
talking about how she was losing to
Gabby I know none of these people yeah
let's say Gabby and the girl that came
in first in the Olympics and Ali said
like I was competing against her all the
time than losing losing losing losing
and I had been number one up until that
point she comes along and now I'm just
number two number two number two and
basically at some point I came to grips
with that and we just found a nice
rhythm and so I told her on the day of
the Olympics you know we woke up and I
go to her and I say you know what I can
just feel it today I'm going to take
second you're going to take first and
Laila Ali goes and it will stay that way
as long as you're saying that and I was
like that's exactly what I was thinking
like boom right
hashtag truth bombilla and I was like
it's so true like it and I get it now
AHA I don't know if this is throwing him
under the bus and I like him so much
I hope not but Shaun White went through
something similar where he had a
roommate and he and the roommate became
very competitive and he just had to
separate himself and he started living
by himself training by himself so that
he could win and I like some people gave
me [ __ ] about it and I was like I get it
like he trying to be the best or not and
it doesn't mean you have to want for the
other person's failure you can want them
to like be at their absolute best be the
best version of themselves are you
trying to win or not and and that that
is hard for me like that's where it's
like Oh God like you can't abandon like
who you are like I would never want
something bad for somebody like I want
to see them win but if I'm honest I want
to win like I want to outperform them
and you will never hear me say I'd
literally can't allow myself to say it
that well I'll just be number two and
you'll be number one can't do it fair
enough
love's good good conversation right
there let's kick it over to Facebook
live it's bringing back
to our audience thank you for joining us
one we're on - this is adding value
please share an exciting value we are
doing after impact is where we go deep
into the episode of impact theory we
just had Jay Williams on the show really
really good interview this one was a lot
of fun here's a couple here's a question
from Rohan Tom boy that was an
absolutely amazing interview of Jay
Williams I love this episode a frickin
lot one question when you're trying to
rebuild yourself by first recognizing
who you are just as Jay did how did you
start rebuilding yourself where do you
start I've tried to but often I'm unable
to discern the proper steps I need to
take to rebuild mentally what would you
start with so it's the $25 points so
those are the things that you need to do
to build your mind whether it's
rebuilding or building for the first
time the things you have to believe in
the things you have to do and that's it
so go to impact Theory calm and sign up
for the newsletter write and sign or get
it on the blog you can download a copy
of it if you sign up for the newsletter
I'd rather you sign up for the
newsletter I'm really honest but yeah
we've got that bad boy there that is me
crawling inside myself and saying okay
what did I do
so a couple of the things I'll just
throw out and ironically I don't have
these memorized which now has become
sort of a thing for me because I'm
memorizing them is stupid and living by
them is critical one that humans the
human potential is limitless I think on
the thing it's nearly limitless I'm
toying with the idea of just totally
abandoning nearly which is just a way of
not getting into arguments with people
saying stupid things like a good look
like walking off a roof and saying that
gravity is not real so human potential
is limitless you can do anything that
you set your mind to without limitation
once you begin to believe like that once
you begin to accept that you can acquire
any skill at any time once you realize
that you can help other people and do
something great at the same time like
all of these things become the bricks
that allow you to build a
ordinary life become capable of
extraordinary things like that's really
what you need to do but it starts with
that belief that you can do anything so
once you have that then it's it's really
going out and executing against that and
I guess because I start with that belief
that it's not about me it's not Tom can
do anything he sets his mind to it's the
human animal can do anything they set
their mind to so now I just have to
believe that that is true of the human
animal and I am a human animal and so
yay like that to me is is the the most
sort of fundamental building block are
humans capable of adaptation at that
level yes or no yes okay great then the
rest is about putting in the work yeah
nice a couple of shout outs here on our
Facebook live audience we have Shana
from Kerry Illinois
what's up Shana no bun we're now doing
that right Deborah from Vancouver
Washington or BC BC okay yeah Alex from
Ukraine what's up Alex if we have anyone
from Los Angeles in the feed right now
please know that tomorrow is our second
impact our a trust Street in Culver City
you can go sign up for the event RSVP
we're going to be hanging out people
from the impact theory team Tom will not
be able to make this one but this is a
chance for everyone in the community to
get together meet each other see what
projects you're working on help each
other out
live the impact of his lifestyle I love
that and I will be at Comic Con this
year on Thursday Friday and Saturday so
any impact of this
keep your eyes peeled on my Facebook
page I will be announcing a win and
we're just quick hello what cool things
have you seen here kind of deal so yeah
keep your eyes peeled Facebook nice
alright so one of Jays concepts from the
episode is about building your executive
board yeah around you which I thought
was really cool idea so first can you
just explain to the audience what that
is in case they haven't seen the episode
and then I wanted to ask you is this
something you've kind of tried to
cultivate around you professionally
throughout the years
no question so the idea set another way
that I think people watching this
podcast be very familiar with your the
average of the five people you spend the
most time with so this concept is
basically the people that are closest to
you that are giving you advice they can
be completely random and haphazard and
at one point one of the people on his
advisory board was a 17-year old drug
dealer and he was just like these are
the people that were in my life and so
being around people like that having
them is your sounding board having them
giving you sort of your frame of
reference is not very advantageous and
so he borrows the metaphor from watching
his entrepreneur friends like how they
would get a board of advisers around
their company and those people would
help steer the direction of the company
and he said it just it may be company
better and so what if I started doing
that in my own life like who would those
people be and that's when you really
reflected on those people that he was
spending the time with and realized God
like these are the people that are my
sounding board if these are the people
giving me advice like this is just a
disaster waiting to happen and so began
to really clean house began to find
people that were empowering in they
could give him advice that were willing
to tell him the truth and that we're
just going to make him a better version
of himself and I think that is that is
beyond critical so I'll give you the
example of a fruit salad this is coming
to me right now so I used to get really
pissed off when people would put like
watermelon and pineapple and melon all
in the same bowl why because each one
would take the flavor of the ones that
they were touching and humans are
exactly like that and I hate melon
I hate pineapple and I love watermelon
so my watermelon would end up tasting
like pineapple and melon which has
pissed me off so whoever you're hanging
around with like you're getting their
flavor like if they are jerks
if they are pessimistic if they are
putting all these limiting beliefs on
themselves like it cannot help but
infiltrate you and you're just going to
pick up some of that and so bringing
yourself to a different situation where
you're around incredibly positive people
optimistic people people that love
seeing other people shine that want to
help that then
on you and it is insane how that culture
then affects everything like when I
think about the group that we put
together here and now everyone reflects
back like positivity it's just it like
on those days where you're not feeling
it somebody else is going to and so then
you're going to recatch that vibe and
you're going to be feeling it again and
so it's just like it becomes this
incredibly positive place which is why
like one thing I just came to know at a
very visceral level at Quest when
someone becomes a bad flavor just to
stick with my fruit salad metaphor they
must go because dude it affects
everybody and they may be insanely
gifted at their job they mean maybe
making you a ton of money the moment
they're a bad flavor they have to go
with with empathy in my heart but they
gotta go cool so there's the there's
sort of the five people that you're
closest with as are most often your
family and friends right
that you need to make sure that those
are the right people you're around but
what about for someone you know on a
professional level did would you say
because the way I read into this was he
was also thinking about people who could
help him on his career right people who
had different specializations in
business or whatever the case may be to
help him build his career yes
yes I I think that that's great it won't
necessarily apply to a lot of people
sure because he's saying that from an
entrepreneurial standpoint really
garnering people from all over but I
will say and I can't remember if this is
embarking up the wrong tree or something
else but talking about how informal
mentors are actually way more effective
than formal mentors and if your company
assigns you a mentor the likelihood that
that person will actually impact your
career is virtually zero but if you can
find somebody in the company as an
informal mentor really feels good about
helping you out and they're not like
your direct supervisor and you guys have
sort of an unofficial relationship like
that is I remember the stat but it was
like wildly predictive of that person's
success and the more mentors you have
the better because you're getting more
input from people it's not just one
person sort of giving you their world
view like you really take
it in from a bunch of different angles I
think that's very very powerful so yeah
I think that that's really really
critical and if you're working at a
place where there is nobody that can
help you out or there's a very fearful
culture where people don't open
themselves up they want to stamp you
down they don't want to help you succeed
leave leave get out of that job find
anyone in know in certain terms I don't
care if you have a family to take care
of without leaving that job go find
anyone like don't make excuses get out
it is so insanely toxic to stay in an
environment like that nothing will rob
you of the joy of being alive faster
than hating your job it just you use too
many hours there yes what any other tips
for creating your advisory board
professionally beyond looking within
your company so I will be on looking
well if you're saying outside of the
company online online online read read
so those are like no one can stop you
right so there are so many influencers
out there now that have legitimate and
powerful advice and they are pumping out
content furiously not the least of which
is us hi so it's just it's really become
a movement books have been a movement
for whatever I can when did the printing
press come into existence in hundreds of
years yeah so centuries is it multiple
hundreds we have that which is
interesting the printing press came
because wine boomed in Germany and then
collapsed wouldn't know that neither did
I and then I read it and thought that's
so [ __ ] weird that the same thing
that presses grapes is what press
letters not to be rel so those two
things are like super easy go do those
immediately obviously if you're watching
this you're at least part of the way
there and then the other is online or go
to meetups like that the whole reason
that we're doing the meetups is so that
you can not only meet us but meet the
other people that are in this group
because a core tenant of being an impact
fist is a desire not a willingness a
desire like you actually want to help
other people yeah that's me is just so
important and is something I really
believe everyone should
fostering themselves so you don't need
to be born with it it's literally
something that you develop
so go out help other people so that
that's really big and then just Facebook
groups is another great way to find
like-minded people you may never meet
them but the internet changed everything
and it's beautiful and wonderful and yes
it can be shallow and stupid and it can
be full of trolls but it can also be
amazing and just go look at our YouTube
comments I delete the [ __ ] out of
anything that's like troll if ik or
lizard yeah anybody being a dick like it
I've got to go so yeah if you live in an
amazing world where the internet
connects 7:07 was what 3 billion people
or whatever online it's billions of
people find the people that think like
you think finding people that inspire
you that you want your life
reach out add value connect ask for the
connection just tell them I'm interested
in what you're doing I'd love to connect
and for guys and I am the most guilty of
this something super weird about making
adult friends but like just put yourself
out there nice all right
what is let's bring it back to the
episode a little bit one of the things
that helped Jay Williams get through his
tough time after the accident was
understanding that basketball did not
define him and he says in the episode
you are not what you do because before
that basketball was his life so I wanted
to ask you about that and also since
you've spent so much time being an
entrepreneur does that define you yeah
so I think that there's a difference
between the path
what you do and your goal which is not
who you are but it's it should be a
reflection of it again I don't think
this is innate I've pulled my own
background I'll give a really short hand
version I encounter a sort of Big
Brother situation with an inner-city kid
in South Central Los Angeles that like
touches my heart and way that I don't
know how to convey becomes a very long
term relationship is like eight and a
half years then I get into quest and I'm
now working with inner-city kids again I
mean these are sort of late teens early
20s
and it just reminded me like the
difference between someone who succeeds
and someone who doesn't is their mind it
is not that there aren't insanely
capable people in the inner cities it's
just the mindset there is absolutely
terrifying and reminds me of how much
that makes me feel alive and so it
becomes this parallel thing I really
wanted to help people with their body as
a way to help them with their mind I
mean it was it was literally me so quest
started as a conversation between my
partner and I but it was me asking my
sisters clinically depressed how do I
could be happy and so we got talking
about how much the body influences the
mind and vice-versa and then just like
if we're really going to help people
with this pandemic that we see you know
just mushrooming around the world that
you've got to make food that people
choose based on taste and so just
realizing that there's also people that
they're not struggling with the physical
but they're struggling tremendously
mentally and so I knew that those were
going to be the dual things that I
wanted to address with my life because
essentially they're the same thing it's
pulling someone out of a hopeless
situation and whether that hopelessness
is I don't believe I can do what I want
and that my life is happening to me and
I'm not in control or whether that's
like my body is out of control and I
feel a victim of my genetics or my
circumstance or whatever and showing
them a path out of that as well so
that's me is just like the absolute
juice so the goal for me then is a
reflection of that of who I have become
over time the things that I've set into
and so the fact that my day-to-day life
is about pulling people out of the
matrix is because I really do see that
as a reflection of who I want to be I
want to be somebody that helps I want to
be somebody that strives to be capable
of real greatness of somebody that
understands the human mind like these
are all the things that I do consider
Who I am
so while entrepreneurship is like not
necessarily fundamental to that like it
seems pretty important to getting to my
goals but the moment that I felt like
either I want to change my goals no
longer Who I am because I believe that
we are constantly in a state
change or I believe that it was just no
longer a valid path to get where I want
to go then I would ditch it nice alright
just want to remind everyone we're on
Facebook live doing after impact
discussing J Williams his recent
episodes you haven't checked it out
maybe let you slide it's only been out
for a few hours but it's really good so
listen to it on your way home from work
on the podcast or check it out on
YouTube at home at the gym wherever you
are it's really good one of the things
that I want to talk about was ah he said
he says at some point the episode I had
to go from why me referring to the
accident - why not me and I wanted to
have you talk a little bit about why
that mental reframing that subtle shift
is so important to success yeah I mean
this is something that I got from Tony
Robbins and he talks about if you change
the question you change everything and
if first thing I understand what he
meant by that but it is literally
reframing so if you look at something
and Jay Williams could very easily say
hey this is the worst thing that's ever
happened to me and I think most people
be like yep and let's hope that it
remains the worst thing that ever
happened you nothing's ever worse than
that and so it would be very easy to
spiral out of control and to totally get
lost in you know I was making millions
of dollars a year
able to help my family people look at me
with awe and and now it's all gone and
how traumatic that would be but you have
the opportunity to flip it and do what
Tony Robbins suggests and I think this
is utterly brilliant not many people do
it and ask of the worst thing that's
ever happened to you ask in all
sincerity how is this the best thing
that ever happened to me like in what
way in what ways it's actually really
powerful and Jays life is to me the
perfect example of that
because it is you could very honestly
look at how it's the worst thing no
question it's there it's obvious but
there really is a flip side to that coin
then I touch on it in the episode
odhh which is his mind has gone through
something utterly traumatic and brutally
difficult but it's the pressure that
turned the coal into a diamond
and with that I now think he's going to
be capable of something he has proven so
much to himself the willingness to fight
through and Klaus way back mentally like
what he did physically to come back is
is already inhuman and all people can
see is that he didn't get back into the
NBA but like dude what happened to his
body is insanity and for him to come
back and still play at an elite level
which he did by the way and he went on
to play I think in the European League
or something
so still just like at an insane elite
level that the vast majority of athletes
never make without an accident and he
was able to get back to that level which
is already just crazy but also that he's
now been able to apply that discipline
to turning himself into an entrepreneur
turning himself into a sportscaster like
it's it's just unbelievable and because
he's been able to do that and ask the
words he uses why not me right like by
flipping it reframing it and looking at
like okay like I can actually bear this
I can help other people turn this into
something I can now show people a path
out of that darkness and he talks about
that like having written the book and
then getting the feedback from people
like whoa and seeing your story I
realize now I can get out of my own
difficult position and him being like oh
my god like that's so powerful and so
wonderful and so inspiring for him that
it makes it easy to keep fighting and
keep going so once you reframe it and
start looking at it like that that
answer is also there for you and that's
what I want people to hear if what you
look for is how it's bad you will find
it but if what you look for is how it's
empowering amazing beautiful you will
find it yeah that's great
do you have any tips for building up
that muscle of being able to ask that
question and look at every situation
that way no question so it is just like
building your body so if I said you I'm
never going to give you any advice but
you need to put on muscle and you walk
into my gym here the house what would be
the first thing you would do
I will just start lifting right yeah you
tickle the weight you probably curl it I
think that's where most people starts
making the most obvious thing that
you're used to
you'd figure out that some of the
machines that you press stuff so you
probably do some pressing and you would
do a relatively basic routine but you
would like the muscles that you sort of
obviously know how to use you would just
start doing that and then you would find
huh over time like you just get stronger
and even if I don't [ __ ] with your diet
you're gonna get stronger you're going
to be able to lift heavier stuff it is
exactly the same with how do you reframe
you reframe you go and you say okay this
is very clear to see how this is the
worst but how is this the best and I'm
going to bet your first answers are
going to kind of suck and they're going
to be really basic and really simple and
you're going to fumble your way and it's
going to seem like fake and awkward
you're not going to like doing it and
then hopefully you do it again and you
oh like you have that one insight you're
just you everyday let's say you force
yourself just like going to the gym you
force yourself to ask and to really look
sincerely to look for how is this the
best way and ten days into it you're in
the shower and you're not even thinking
about it you're just washing your hair
and all of a sudden you go you know
what's interesting like having gone
through that actually has made me pretty
tough mentally and I like I could tell
people about that and I bet that would
help somebody who just is back where I
was the beginning of this thinking it's
utterly hopeless and I already know that
that's not true because I made through
so much of the physical therapy and I
just kept making it through and making
it through and that's interesting I've
never actually put words and that's how
it begins right you just have like these
little moments of awareness and then if
you want to get into like the complexity
so let's say to stick with the lifting
analogy the next thing I would do is go
online and look up what does the workout
look like like what are my goals I'm
trying to add muscle I'm trying to lose
fat and literally just type that into
the search bar and so rather than
pretend that we don't live in the age of
the internet go actually do that so
reframing type into YouTube you're going
to get thousands of results about first
of all a lot of it'll be how to reframe
a painting but then you'll start to
refine your search terms reframe
your mind reframe a problem and you will
be hit with a deluge of amazing advice
and you start sifting through it I mean
it's always putting in the reps right
yeah read about it research practice
reads more research practice and we've
talked about this a lot on after impact
but it feels like self-awareness is a
key component here it's just knowing
when to ask yourself those questions
being aware of the situations that are
making you stressed or uncomfortable or
depressed I see that as being really key
to Jay Williams story and he talks about
that a lot like going in reflecting
thinking about who you are your identity
and it also made me think about the
David Goggins episode because he talks
about that a lot and both of these guys
have gone through an extraordinary
amount of suffering so I wanted to ask
you what do you what do you see is the
relationship there
well first Goggins is like Rome all
roads lead back to God it really is
Goggins talks about this so powerfully
and is something that I think Jay would
agree with most vehemently suffering is
is the test suffering is the thing that
helps you grow like when you're willing
to show up take the test
find out where am i and then push and
practice and learn and then take the
test again put yourself through
suffering like right now
I was oatmeal at 11 but I'm really
trying to rush back into ketosis so I
skip my meal which meant that I had to
do a fasted podcast and then a fasted
episode of him after impact and then
I'll do a fasted I have like some prep
thing for another podcast so I'll do
that all Fassett so just like those
little things it's like I'm starving
right now because I'm not fully back
into ketosis yet it is the worst kind of
hunger ever let you just do it and those
are the little things it doesn't always
have to be like running a marathon or
doing you know 135 miles at Goggins does
or running on broken feet like it
doesn't have to be taken to that extreme
but getting yourself well into the zone
of suffering and just gut-check like
where am I am I able to push through
this like I cannot tell you on Monday
yesterday when so we got back
what late or early Sunday so just coming
off vacation mode totally attica ptosis
on Monday literally every like neuron
and my brain was like you can eat more
it's all good like you can eat more
no worries like this will be fine and
you just have to like gut check yourself
like despite how hungry I am
I have bright lines there are certain
things that I eat and certain things
that I don't you just talk and do it and
you find out where you are and you push
yourself a little bit farther and yeah
that's how it gets done but I feel like
you've also been built up that that
mental muscle to be able to persevere in
those times of being tested right
absolutely so what do you do before all
of this where the moments of
self-reflection where you're creating
that narrative about yourself I mean
this is infinitely recursive right until
you get back to the point where you walk
into the gym not knowing what anything
is and you pick up a weight and you curl
it and look we're all in a very
fortunate position where we can research
the stuff and look up books and all that
literally can just read my 25 books in
order this is what they're meant to do
you just need to get to really answer
your question for somebody who is just
beginning and they don't have they
haven't developed their grit yet they
don't have the phrases and things that I
say they don't have the twenty five
bullet point belief system it comes down
to just accepting that you're going to
be a little bit shitty at it in the
beginning but if you keep at it you're
going to get better and better and
better and these skills are going to
stack on themselves and then at some
point it becomes a force multiplier and
if you're willing to do this for a
really really long time and this has
become this is like a really eye-opening
moment for me I know I've already talked
about it a couple times and I will keep
talking about this a budding
entrepreneur wrote to me in DM and said
look I've been at this for a year and
all of my friends all have good jobs I'm
still really struggling like what can
you say to me to like give me the
motivation I'm going to need to see this
through and my answer was you really
need to decide if you want to do it
because you're going to suck at this for
a really long time and before I was an
overnight success I was struggling
to be an entrepreneur for like probably
eleven years before I had any taste of
success so like imagine for over a
decade the only thing you have the show
for it is crushing anxiety and and and I
I mean that like I don't know how else
to explain it to people like real
anxiety like I should have gone to a
doctor anxiety and it was just
escalating and getting worse and worse
and worse because I was always in this
position of panic like I didn't know
what I was doing and I just kept forcing
myself so far outside my comfort zone
and I did not understand that -
obsessively imagine how things could go
wrong
is how you develop chronic anxiety and
so I just made like a catastrophic lead
um decision because I didn't understand
the human mind well enough yet and by
the way anxiety is the thing that made
me obsessed with learning about the
brain because I was like I can't live
like this it's so [ __ ] miserable and
so just starting to read about it and
that's a whole long story with Daniel
Amen and we needed a continent around
that - we should haven't really told the
story about overcoming anxiety a yes we
need to do that and then the other one
which is tied to depression which has
not been the thing that I struggled with
but suicide got to do content around
that just get hit up way too often with
people saying they're like yep I don't
know why I'm living anymore like that
[ __ ] scares me
so it really is like just knowing that
you're not going to be good at this at
first but understanding that the way the
human mind works is one piece of
knowledge stacks to the next act to the
next act to the next and if you're
willing to absolutely divorce yourself
from the notion of patience and have
zero patience and go balls to the wall
every day to get amazing but no there's
no finish line that you're going to go
all-out every day forever and like
that's the beauty and that's why to your
point you have to enjoy the process
you can't just enjoy it you've got to be
giddy dude I'm giddy at the fact that
people write books I'm legitimately when
I pick up a book and like the first page
like captures me I'm just like oh my god
like
I loved it so much and that's why like I
there's two things I know with certainty
everyone like sushi and everyone likes
to read and anyone who thinks they don't
like sushi
they just haven't found the type of
sushi that they like and I'll use sushi
as a catch-all for like crazy deep fried
rolls and all kinds of crazy [ __ ] but
the food you will find at a sushi
restaurant was my greatest nightmare
remind me to tell that story where I had
other than being lost at sea migrated
you're gonna think I'm kidding other
than being lost at sea my greatest fear
with sushi I had so much food trauma as
a kid I wouldn't go to people's houses
depending on what they were eating like
legitimate like sweaty palms food trauma
foods used to make me dry-heave if I
didn't like the texture whoa dude
legitimately like food used to terrify
me gotten this whole thing when I
thought I was going to be fired one time
and I went to a sushi restaurant and I
hit over $200 with the sushi in my
napkin and then the later dropped it on
the floor like I am not kidding whoa but
I say everyone likes sushi it is because
I have gone through such a
transformative process with sushi that I
get it the same with reading like
cultivate that kind of love the love of
learning to enjoy the process
you've just really really got to find a
way to fall in love with it I think it
is absolutely Universal there is
something that everyone is excited about
they may not have like encountered
enough like topics to have found that
spark of interest because it's not going
to start as a passion it's going to
start as a spark of interest then you're
going to go deeper into that you're
going to fan those flames you're going
to like really delve into that world
you're going to use the skills that
you're acquiring like but humans are
wired to love that so people need to
like really embrace the process of
encountering a whole lot of stuff to
find the sparks of interest the fanless
language yeah so yeah like that at the
end of the day is how you get into the
virtual cycle that will ultimately be
something just insanely powerful but you
have to start knowing you're going to be
bad at it
nice all right the title of J Williams
book is
life is not an accident you touch on
this interview that he believes
everything happens for a reason
you do not believe that so I want you to
explain the difference and why you don't
believe things happen for a reason
well let's start with the really hard
and controversial one nothing happens
for a reason
life is purely a string of events that
have been set forth from whatever I'll
just say it's the Big Bang I don't think
we really know maybe this is the matrix
and it was literally a few lines of code
that started it all whatever I don't
care but at the end of the day like
there's no patear who is going up you
prayed really hard and therefore I'm to
give you what you want like both sides
think God is on their side so just do
the math it doesn't add up you can't
have it so that to me doesn't diminish
anything I think there is so much
meaning to be extracted from what
happens like there's a great meme that
was everything happens for a reason it's
just as sometimes the reason is that
you're stupid and didn't work hard
enough or whatever you're stupid and you
make bad decisions I think that's what
it was
and I laughed so hard at that and I was
like okay like if that's when we say
that everything happens for a reason
then absolutely I'm on board with that
as long as you can say sometimes the
reason is that I'm stupid and I make bad
decisions then sure I think it is so
important to find meaning in everything
that happens because that goes in
narrative becomes incredibly powerful
just understanding the way that the
human mind works
I think that's insanely powerful and so
when somebody tells me that everything
happens for a reason in my mind I just
replaced the words with I find meaning
and everything that happens okay great
and and I really think most people that
say that they're doing it for two
reasons one to find something positive
and what happened super-smart must do no
matter what why how absolutely critical
and then the other is that if you
believe that an omnipotent god who has
your best interest at heart did it to
you it's not as hard to deal with so I
get the temptation but you think
ultimately
not effective well I will just give you
the stat and then I will steer us out of
these insanely dangerous waters if you
believe somebody is praying for if
you're in the hospital and you believe
somebody's praying for you you're more
likely to die yeah you've mentioned that
before so even if someone has a
something goes wrong in their life right
and I know you believe in extreme
ownership and this is all my fault and
if I'm the reason this happened which is
a totally legitimate position but
something bad happens and they go you
know what everything happens for a
reason I'm going to pick myself back up
I'm going to do the work I'm going to
find another solution and things will
come together yep do you think that
that's different from just saying this
is all my fault and I have to go forward
and finding the solution I think that
it's different I think that it's weaker
but I think that it's on a spectrum of
usability and as long as there's that
second part which is I'm going to do
something and like really get after it
so to give you an idea
I love the parable of the person who's
like drowning and the boat comes by like
hey do you need help no God is going to
rescue me and you know whatever three or
four boats come by and the person
ultimately drowns get seven and says hey
WTF thought you're going to help me and
God's like dude I sent four boats like
what else did you want so that notion of
you still have to do something right so
opportunities present themselves do you
take advantage of them or not
this isn't like passive I don't think
anybody even the most die-hard religious
person I think they know that they're
meant to be active they're meant to like
do something so even if the last laugh
is on me and there really is a God and
I'm fine with that because I am so on
board with being active like just
nothing that I looked at tells me that
if there is a God that they would want
us to be passive so cool I'm on board
let's get active all right good stuff
one last question and then we'll wrap it
up Jay talks about the past a lot
obviously he had to overcome this
accident and get past that mentally to
him he says pass doesn't matter you have
to put it to bed right does the past
have any utility
what a pretty question so I'm so I love
it I have an answer now I'll give it to
you but just for a second
I would stand up and clap right now for
what the hell awkward for the camera
angles that is such an awesome way to
phrase that question the past has
massive utility I think there are things
you need to move towards and I think
there's things that you need to move
away from but you have to be so careful
because there I think now Jay is at a
point where the past is utility but I
think that for more than a decade
it was just corrosive and letting
something be corrosive is such an
ineffective strategy when I talk about
beauty and rage and I talked about like
knowing when to hate yourself and
knowing when to love yourself like if
you if the hatred isn't a tool it's like
that isn't done with the the wink of
like I really love myself don't worry
like if you're not able to do that then
stay away from it and there are people
that should not [ __ ] with that because
they're just not ready for it like if
somebody says like I don't even know why
I would live you're not going to hear me
say you got to know when to love
yourself no one to hate yourself
[ __ ] like all I'm going to say
is love yourself love yourself whatever
you did whatever happened to you like
love yourself with all of it the good
the bad the ugly man meet yourself with
compassion meet yourself with respect
like this this thing called life is hard
like don't it's corrosive now clearly
you've gotten to the end of some rope
and it just doesn't make sense so when
it's a kick in the ass that motivates
you and it gets you going useful use it
a hundred percent but you've got to know
when to lean on one and window lean on
another it's not like I'm saying every
day needs to be eighty percent love and
20 percent hate like you may go maybe 10
years of all love is what you need to
then get back in trucks fantastic so you
just got to know like and this this is
where because earlier when you're
talking about self awareness I just so
want to rebel against that I really want
to believe that you don't need anything
inherent other than a you know a brain
that functions normal ish I want to
believe you can develop all of that
stuff but this is the one time where
you've got to know like does
it'd help you to beat yourself up
because if the answer is no stop and
stop instantly mm-hmm can we get a
little bit more tactical on that like
how would you utilize the past if let's
say you're prepared to look at it you're
prepared to look at the mistakes you
made things that didn't come together
how would you know that's wonderfully
tactical so let's look at Qwest and I'll
just give you a few things that I did
wrong I really believe that culture is
one of the most important things in a
company period it's what it should be
one of the driving forces behind taking
a job there because I really really
think there's just too many Studies on
hating your job like shortens your life
and lowers your life happiness and I
mean just like everything could possibly
matter if the game that we're playing is
really brain chemistry when you don't
like a job when the cultures negative
corrosive whatever like you [ __ ] hate
it so as somebody who I want to generate
a lot of wealth for myself I have an
unending fear of doing so in a parasitic
fashion so when we are building quests I
was like cultures all the matters like
this has got to be the [ __ ] best
thing that ever happened I make a
promise every employee that works here
quests going to be the best thing that
ever happened to you and and for some
people it was and for other people it
was like unending hatred and it was just
like it was so surreal I'm like for
literally some people the exact same
thing is impacting them differently and
what I realized was I was awesome at
cult of personality and atrocious at
scaling culture and so that was like one
of those things where I was so excited
to learn and figure out like okay I
planted seeds here that worked when we
were small they did not work for
everybody when we got big they still
work for some people but not for other
people and I just saw that the farther
you got for me the weirder my
philosophies and beliefs seem because
you never see me work hard you don't
hear it directly from me it's always
like being told to you by somebody else
I'm a guy sort of off in a distant
office you have no idea like how hard
I'm working or how effective I'm being
like you can't see it so
like cracking that nut like is my
obsession here at impact theory so you
can imagine like I'm on an almost daily
basis in fact you're in my relationship
is predicated on me recognizing my
failures at Qwest because I did not
understand the difference between a
leader which I think I'm exceptionally
good at and a manager which I think I am
not only bad at I don't want to be good
at it it does not speak to me like
somebody wrote to me and said what is it
that draws you to being a mentor and I
want to say nothing I don't want to be a
mentor like that's you're a mentor like
people can come to you like hey dude
help me like on a one-on-one basis like
walk me through I know what a disconnect
this is going to be for people I love
adding value I love it so much I can't
tell you but I want to add value at
scale like at scale and its scale
necessarily I can't mentor you so I
think mentorship requires like
one-on-one time like highly tactical and
the only people that do well around me
are people that are self-guided that are
self-starters so you do great you don't
maybe secretly you want more of that for
me but you never say anything like
you're so self-directed and you're so
good with then carrying that to the rest
of the team that that is me going I need
to encourage that which is one of the
reasons that I state it so often and I
know I'm using my appreciation language
and we both have to figure out because
yours is acts of service and neither of
us know how to do that business so we
need to [ __ ] figure that out but it's
like III at least need to say it in my
language as a way of like putting it out
into the [ __ ] either but it's like I
now recognize how insanely important
that is and I became obsessed with Gary
V's notion of a chief heart officer
because I realized you have to formalise
stuff like that like and I bet people
look at that and go oh that silly dude
and this is one of the things where my
partners and I didn't agree it became so
obvious to me that we needed stuff like
that and I think to them maybe it seemed
a little bit more silly but it's like
you know like you have to formalize that
[ __ ] otherwise you will only
ever have like the group around me that
I could touch the group around me that
knew me that felt something from me like
they were totally on board but how do
you formalize it how do you get it like
I began to realize that question and
this is a very long-winded way of saying
like this is how excessively I think
about the mistakes that I made a quest
you're only what you write down when a
company reaches a certain size like
right now at impact area virtually
nothing written down but oh dear God
like when Ibrahim put in slack hey you
should probably write this down for when
the next round of interns come in like
if I actually don't know like what is
our culture here and I was like that was
the an alarm bell that I would not have
known to pay attention to a quest but
like got my full and complete attention
when he said it here because it's
happening even earlier than I thought we
only have what we say 12 people so with
12 people here and it's like already oh
god that's right
you really have to formalize this [ __ ]
anyway that's an example I could keep
going but that answers a question you
just have to think about it look naked
Lee I don't let it I rode my self-esteem
I don't let it a road my sons himself I
don't think I'm worse because I am that
I'm not a good manager if I wanted to be
a good manager then I would put all my
time and energy into becoming a better
manager but the the bet that I'm making
is that what I enjoy doing what I want
to do what the company uniquely needs
from me is leadership so that's where
I'm focusing all my energy nice all
right well I think we should wrap it up
there this is a good episode of after
impact yes on Jay Williams thank you
guys so much for joining us thank you so
much for being a part of the community
and again I'm going to be a Comic Con
here in San Diego so if you're watching
this live be sure to hit me up on IG or
Twitter or Facebook is probably the
worst one for me to get it in timely
fashion but if you hit me up on one of
the other two hopefully also watch watch
my facebook ironically because that's
where we'll make the announcement where
I'm going to be I do want to do excuse
me a quick like hello and just get a
sense of if you guys have encountered
anything cool I'm going there very
specifically because this is the
beginning of our step into traditional
narrative content we are fine
in the final stages of contracts so
looks like love our first two projects
moving forward very very soon which I'm
very excited about
I need writers I need artists so if you
see somebody that fits that bill do let
me know all right guys it's a weekly
show so if you haven't already be sure
to subscribe and until next time my
friends be legendary
take care
you