Kind: captions
Language: en
[Music]
welcome everybody to another phenomenal
edition of Facebook live Q&A I your host
Tom Bilu and I'm here with the voice of
the community hello everyone what is up
not much we have a lot of EX exciting
things going on in the community right
now word yeah so we have two official
impact Theory events one that's going to
be in London August 28th which means I'm
going to be in london8 which it's
important to keep reminding myself of
that because you'll be in London you're
going to forget but wow we'll make sure
he gets on the plane and he's over there
and he gets to meet you guys um and then
we have one August 16th in Downtown LA
which you'll also be at nice cuz I made
sure to block it on your schedule that
is phenomenal I'm excited so all the
impacct toist in the LA area Tom will be
making a special appearance at this
impact hour um and then we also launched
our impac toist club the first round of
chapters so we've got London Toronto
Chicago
Seattle and Berlin what exactly is the
impacct club so the impac aist club is
our four fans by fans event series um
it's basically like our version of The
Mickey Mouse Club it's the official
impact Theory fan club um completely fan
run but of course Guided by our
principles so there'll be check-ins
we'll you know if you grow to a certain
size you might be able to win the prize
of having the impact Theory team come
visit and if you are even bigger than
that or you host an event that just
totally smashes Tom will show up um so
there are going to be lots of like
special goodies that will be rolling out
um and these chapters will also as they
start to begin we'll send them special
like custom swag nice to yeah respect
I'm very excited about this initiative
stuff yeah so it's in total beta mode so
it's going to be a lot of learnings but
I'm really excited about the people that
we've found to hop on board amazing yeah
very cool exciting times yeah and then
from the store aspect we've got a
special limited edition graphic tea oh
this is the um completely abstracted
which one this I actually haven't seen
that yet there it is that's dope so it's
going to be up on the store for like 10
days I don't know where I'm waving it at
is it this
camera this one great so we've got that
and then we also have a tank top version
for the women nice um so yeah check it
out it's going to be limited edition 10
days so just hop over at a shop at impa
wait shop. impact theory.com to check it
out all right yeah if it's adding value
please do share okay now truly without
further Ado question okay so this
question actually came in through the
impact Theory league so I had a question
of the day um which was centered around
what is something or someone you miss
from your childhood and one of our fans
Dean he he um wanted to know cuz he
misses his uh father and his dog and so
he wanted to know how to work through
loss and grief he says these losses are
much harder to recover than that from
than any failure so what are kind of the
actionable steps that he can put into
practice Yeah so I will be honest that
this isn't something that I've thought a
lot about so I will start by pointing
you in the direction of a lot of amazing
work has been done around the topics of
greed
um the thing that I would focus on and
the thing that I've used in my own life
is the predictability of the phases that
you're going to go through um so
researching that understanding it
knowing what they are not trying to
avoid them but rather to process them in
a meaningful way I think is very much
the right answer and there's you know
look there's going to be individual
variants on this stuff but there really
are some fascinatingly
Universal um moments in that emotional
Journey so discovering what those are
being very aware of what they are and
just accepting that there's really no
way and it's probably not even advisable
to try to not go through them so
accepting that that loss really is
crushing that it's as stated way more
difficult to deal with than a failure
which I mean in the grand scheme um they
almost don't seem like the same thing
you know what I mean like the the level
of intensity is so so very different um
and the permanence that's the hard part
about losses just like that the
permanence of it is very very difficult
to deal with so yeah I would say go um
leverage the knowledge that we have at
this point about that very predictable
cycle and then the one thing that I've
used that might be really helpful for
everybody out there is the notion that
this to shall pass and the intensity of
that emotion is going to dissipate over
time and focusing on things like what
you are grateful for in their life and
not just that sense of loss but what
they brought to you and being able to
celebrate that and um remind yourself of
the positive things is is nice and then
if there's somebody that's sharing in
that loss with you that can be wildly
comforting um to share that and then
don't stifle your emotions so that was
something and since he brought up the
dog and that has been For Better or
Worse um it was way harder for me to
lose my my dog than it was for me to
even lose my grandparents I know that's
that may be perceived as horrible but
hopefully people understand is just the
level of closeness so when my wife and I
lost you know what we look at as our
first child um I didn't expect it to be
devastating and it was and that was
really really surprising and so having
her there to be able to share that grief
and go through that together was
meaningful yeah and I also just in terms
of loss like I feel like I as an
individual haven't really dealt with a
lot of loss in that like permanent kind
of sense um cuz they didn't have pets
growing up um I had some fish but like I
never had like this emotional attachment
to them and I like bought them at a
Target and didn't really expect them to
live very long um you know like I don't
know and
so I I think like one of the first times
I think I was really confronted with
this idea of loss was when I went to my
grandfather's funeral
but the interesting thing about it is
like some of the Traditions around like
grieving and loss in Nigerian culture
are so focused and um on celebrating
that it almost didn't feel like um he
had died is there like a a traditional
funeral where you're there and actively
bury the person or yeah so like he was
there I remember um seeing the the open
casket and everything but you know there
like a lot of music all of the the
stories being told it was supposed to be
like yes my I saw my grandmother crying
and I saw you know my like all the sons
like wearing a particular outfit and all
those things but at the same time they
were so focused on the fact that he had
grandchildren and great grandchildren
that were there you know it's like look
at all this family that's come to like
celebrate his life and all the people
telling the stories of you know the
great things he' done for like within
his lifetime and the fact that he has a
legacy to leave and all these things um
that for me I it like was really cool to
see because it didn't feel sad and maybe
it was because I was so young too that I
didn't register as super sad and I
hadn't really known him that well but um
it just it made me feel honored to like
know a man so well well loved by so many
people so um that's kind of how I think
of loss A lot of times is I I do come
from a place of like gratitude and
celebration and all of that and you know
I've since lost like other grandparents
but at the same time like I know that
it's about like the amazing things that
they had done and not
necessarily the focusing on the sadness
for too long like you still process
through those feelings but it's
definitely more centered around
gratitude yeah we focus on
yeah it's true so hopefully that helps
Dean um our next question comes from jam
through the connect inbox how can I
build a solid clear and actionable
vision okay
well that really starts with asking and
answering the question what is my end
goal so how do we get to that how do we
decide what our end goal is going to be
first of all we need to understand that
it's a decision and not something that
you're going to turn inward and see this
big secret thing that's been hiding
within you somehow forever and you just
never noticed so you look inward you
find an area of
Interest then through the process of
gaining Mastery you're going to find out
whether that area of interest is
something that you get into so much that
you're going to be willing to continue
to push to develop grit to keep going
long after it gets boring and hard
whether that's going to be one of those
things that you really want to develop
into something and I think exposure to a
lot of different things is really
critical maybe even critical just to
developing the little flickers of
interest and that encountering a wide
array of things is is really really
important so if you turn inward and
literally see like virtually nothing
then exposure becomes your number one
thing that you have to overcome and so
just getting out there encountering
ideas encountering new things and it may
be as simple as um you know what are
things that you see out in the world
that people are deeply passionate about
so if that's an activity hiking skiing
like whatever the case may be or if it's
reading like what are tried andrue
things what have what have humans been
doing for a thousand years you know
things like that reading storytelling
like on and on um physical exercise
Sports and getting into it touching a
lot of it not sort of Dipping into one
thing like if you were to do
say kite surfing and go W I don't like
Athletics right that's such a like
specific thing so trying a bunch of of
different things to find out what that
thing is that that pequs your curiosity
that interest reading what are other
people passionate about and then going
in and seeing like if you're interested
in that um I think that exposure is
probably the most critical thing and
then once you find some things that
really do uh have some level of interest
to you then it it's you know going back
to that process of Mastery but that's
ultimately you're trying to do all of
that because you need a hyper specific
goal so and I find that that the hyp
specific of the goal is where people
fall down because they never push
themselves to get Beyond an outcome so
it's always like let's take a really
easy obvious one I want to be rich great
and I used to say that and I can tell
you from firsthand experience how
dangerous that is in its vagaries
because now I'm still on a path to
generating more wealth in my life but I
realize that a it has to be in a hypers
specific way and be that hypers specific
way needs to be driven by a mission it
needs to be driven by something that's
bigger than you that you're more excited
about I can't remember if yesterday was
the first time I ever said to the whole
team here that I actually don't care
enough about film making storytelling
any of that to work as hard as I'm
working but a I love it I just don't
love it enough to do what it's going to
take to get across the finish line but I
care like so much about pulling people
out of the Matrix I get such a natural
like chemical rush and I care about it
just from an ideological standpoint to
help people get out of a limiting
mindset like that is so interesting to
me that building a studio is like small
potatoes compared to how much I really
give a [ __ ] about that so once you know
like that level of what is it that
really turns me on what is it that
really gets me excited what do I respond
to what have I fann the flames on to
really like get what you focus on right
so I focused on for years and years and
years like wanting to help people
wanting to pull them out of the Matrix
and then working backwards to the studio
through what I think is actually the
most efficient way to do that so when
you have that level of specificity then
you can start unwinding like what are
the steps that it's going to take to get
to that but the vision the vision is
really in my opinion the specific steps
that it takes to accurately reach your
goal so and there's admittedly some what
I'll call business Acumen even though
the thing you may want to be great at
may not have anything to do with
business but that ability to to
deconstruct R into very executable steps
um to me is sort of the business mindset
but that's what people ultimately need
to do so the vision isn't just the sort
of end goal of this is what I want to do
it's all of the the steps that lead up
to
it um and just like uh Matt Davis wrote
in about um being a lynchpin employee
would you tackle tackle that um set of
skills in the same way so he right now
he works in K through 12 private schools
he's um learning to do business analysis
um the skill set he says that he doesn't
think the company he works for currently
doesn't need um he's like in IT Tech
Service um and sorry I'm trying to
paraphrase it so he wants to know if
there's a road map from the skilled
employee to a lynchpin and from those um
who have a why what really makes the
difference when you need to buckle
down okay so those feel like two very
different questions so let's start with
the lynchpin um being a lynchpin
employee really is about um an attitude
I would say even more than a skill set
now the skill set becomes important and
you've got to do exactly what we're just
talking about identify what are you
really trying to do for the company and
I'll say in a company rather than sort
of that Grand Vision um often times it's
what is the very specific problem in the
business that needs to be solved our
Market isn't good enough um we have a
cultural problem like whatever that is a
Lynch pin employee to me is somebody
that looks beyond the definition of
their job and into what does the company
actually need and then they make sure
that they are able to address that now I
think that obviously you're hired in the
company to do something so you need to
be taking care of that very specific
role as well so I talk about your job
description is your tuition that's the
way that you get in that's the way that
you um are you know literally like a
university you're paying your tuition
but really at the end of the day you're
there to do something and learn
something bigger than that anybody that
owns a company and this sadly is not
true of all managers but anybody that
owns a company they're so hungry for the
right answer because so much is on the
line for them that if you can solve
problems in the business they're going
to be responsive to that so identifying
what the what the problems are to face
the business making sure that there's
sort of political will behind those
problems cuz not every problem is going
to have that political will especially
not up and down the chain so identifying
one where it is a real problem for the
business and the business has already
acknowledged we want to solve this
problem you take care of your tuition by
doing your job well and then you begin
to address those so there may be a skill
set in there that you don't necessarily
already have but the problem demands
that you develop that skill set uh I
would get as much Buy in as you can
letting people know like hey I'm like I
would actually communicate to people I
am now an and a simple way is to say hey
either I read Seth goten's book or I
heard Tom talking about this notion of
being a lynchpin I want to be a lynchpin
I really want to take my career really
seriously and by that I mean that
internally it gives me a sense of
progress it gives me a sense that I'm
able to push myself and accomplish
things that other people aren't willing
to do to really maximize my human
potential so hey everybody that'll
listen that's what I'm doing and I'm
going to be clicking over into that and
so because of that I'd really love to
get some feedback what are things that
we want to accomplish What are problems
that we're trying to solve and then say
I'm going to take this one and then I'd
love feedback on my execution of that
and and really just make it known so I
forget what company it was but the
CFO um that was at Quest when I was
there um he said at the company that he
worked for previous uh top I think it
was a a Fortune 50 company to be sure um
he said that they actually make you
identify what track on in the company
and there were um I think three
different tracks so and these are
certainly the tracks that I have in my
mind I think all three were present of
this company but it's essentially a
lynchpin though I think it went under a
different name uh a lynchpin employee
which if you're a lynchpin you're in
what they call up or out so you either
move up in the company and you're always
progressing or you get out or
um oh maybe he only had two the other
one was a continuity player so you have
your people that are on the upper out
track and then you have people that are
continuity players and continuity meant
eh you're going to get sort of your two
to 5% year over-year raise exactly but
you may never move in your actual role
so your title is sort of what it was the
the day that you got in and and then
that's it um and it was fascinating to
me that they actually make people choose
and say I'm either up or out or I'm a
continuity player and that the
expectations of you became very very
different so communicating that to
people and letting them know whether
your company has those tracks or not but
letting people know how they should be
thinking of you how they should turn to
you um it just help really helps people
understand you and what you're trying to
do in the company so um that's that's
lynchpin the other part was remind me uh
it was just kind of like what would the
road map be from going from a skilled
employee to a Lynch pin um what skills
would help push you over the line or is
it just simply an attitude there was a
second part there um so you know if you
have your why uh your why yeah yeah if
you have your why what that we are
wanting it's like how do you know how do
we buckle down when how do we buckle
down and pursue the why um so this is
one of those questions that if you're
asking that question you probably don't
have the right why right it doesn't
light you on fire and so this comes down
to the notion of a compelling future how
excited are you like when I'm fatigued I
need only think about what I'm actually
doing which is right now there's some
person man woman child to me it's
somewhat irrelevant who feels lost they
feel they could do more their life could
be more and I really believe that if I
can get my message to them that the not
only will their life be better but that
there's a shot that they end up becoming
some somebody who really influences the
fabric of our culture and so that to me
is very interesting that I can not only
make their life better but that I can
make the world a better place by helping
people get rid of the limiting beliefs
and then realize that they can do
something extraordinary that is so
interesting to me like you don't have to
convince me that it's interesting it
just is interesting to me to think that
humans can have that kind of impact and
that it is a a switch that you have to
flip so ah God I forget who said this I
think it was naen Jane it was naven Jane
um and he said don't worry about leading
a horse to water just worry about making
them
thirsty I want to make people thirsty I
want people like to just be insanely
excited for what they're trying to
accomplish in their life and so if
you're not then chances are that thing
that you're trying to do that you've
decided is your mission it may not be
exciting enough for you so that's the
the real thing is start with an area of
Interest go down the path of gaining
Mastery and fan those flames
so it wasn't like oh the day that I
encountered ran which was my first sort
of glimpse into getting someone out of
the
Matrix when I first started u mentoring
ran it it didn't seem like oh this will
become something really important to me
and then when that had uh run its course
I could feel like I've Been Changed by
this but it still wasn't like a mission
in my life so it wasn't until like a
bunch of things begin to stack up which
I'll I'll call the path to Mastery in
that that though it was very
unintentional at first um but then one
day I decided this is going to be my
thing and then once you decide then it's
like you really fan those flames you
focus on it um you encourage that in
yourself you reward yourself emotionally
for being true to that and then like it
it begins to take on a life of its own
because you give yourself so much
positive reinforcement for doing that
thing but at the end of the day it
starts with a
decision absolutely well
so this next question comes from Daniel
Breeze in the comments so Tom I found it
really interesting that you don't
consider yourself highly neurotic
considering the morning routine you have
and how much structured discipline you
have in your life can you talk about the
statement you once made that the beauty
of having your brain is everything seems
like a surprise I don't remember ever
saying that so I can't comment on that
um but I will say that I've been waiting
for somebody to call me out on that
because my behavior would make you think
that I especially with the routine would
make you think that I'm neurotic but in
truth I'm goal oriented and
understanding what I mean when I say
that I'm goal oriented is probably the
most important thing to understand about
me if you want to have a relationship
with me because all of my behavior will
seem very weird and certainly
counterintuitive to um things that are
sort of naturally in my personality but
once you understand that to me achieving
your goals is is like the purpose of
life and that at the end of the day I do
and believe that which my goals demand
of me so because I'm lazy by Nature I
have realized that I need to do
something to get over that um identity
is a huge part of that huge part of that
but on a day-to-day basis I need like
momentum to carry me away so my habits
are essentially the this is interest I'm
realizing this in real time the way that
people use email I use habits I use
routine is probably a better way to say
that so um the reason people like email
is you don't have to think so open your
email box and react that's it so for me
it's the same thing all I have to do to
start this wildly empowering routine to
make sure that I'm doing the right
things at all times is go to bed at 9:00
p.m. everything else happens
automatically so I go to bed at 9:00
p.m. I do not have an alarm set I wake
up when I wake up
no one has to tell me to wake up right
so I'm going to wake up when I wake up
and then like last night I have um rules
and those rules begin to trigger so I
woke up just before 1:00
a.m. I'm sorry what so I literally I was
the other night I went to bed at like 1
I the funny thing is I thought of that I
was like so many people right now are
just going to bed I woke up at 1:00 a.m.
but I have a rule if I've gotten less
than 5 hours sleep I will lay in bed
forever trying to fall back asleep
because I will not function at a high
cognitive level if I don't and operating
at the highest cognitive level possible
is a good idea so um I knew if I if I
get up and start doing all my normal
stuff like I'll get through it but I
won't get through it as well so
cognitive optimization for the most part
doesn't always Trump like if I had some
huge goal or something that was really
important I would just muscle through a
bad cognitive day to get things across
the Finish Line MH but this was not one
of those days so it's 1:00 I realized
I'm going to really try to fall back
asleep probably takes me hour maybe hour
and a half but I do fall back asleep uh
I wake up again just before 5:00 a.m.
and I'm like now I've gotten more than 5
hours of sleep so it's I have 10 minutes
to get out of bed so I immediately get
out of bed I go straight to working out
boom and all the rest of the day is like
somebody going into email all I have to
do is react to the routine and the set
of rules that I have so I don't have to
think about anything there's no
cognitive load it's just right you go
work out meditate thinkitate read
important things like that's it and then
I'm just in that Loop so that is why I
say I'm I'm a lone neotic which is
actually why I have to have those things
because if I didn't I there's nothing
internal that would tell me oh do this
I'll do that I'll do this so it's like I
feel very
similarly um yeah so hopefully that
answers your question Daniel and we have
a couple shout outs coming in from Leila
from Wisconsin Libby from Taiwan and
Achila from
California yeah it's that Global
audience man indeed it is I mean our
first impacct ofest clubs three out of
the five of them are international
that's awesome which is really really
cool I love that yeah so I'm
communicating across five time zones
good luck with that that's not easy yeah
all right so this next question comes
from Kathy Teresa she um mentions that
the Jay Williams episode you say
virtually nobody talks about how they
feel any ideas on why we are like this
and is there anything we can do to
change it yeah it makes uh it makes you
vulnerable so when you're telling people
how you really feel if somebody says oh
well that's bad or stupid then people
believe then that they actually are bad
or stupid and so people spend a lot of
time a lot of time framing themselves
trying to convince themselves quite
frankly and other people that they are a
certain way rather than saying I can
change at anytime so if I do something
and somebody says oh that's bad or
stupid you can reflect and go is it
really oh my gosh actually it is this is
bad meaning it doesn't move me towards
my goals stupid meaning it doesn't move
me towards my goals in my opinion so you
reassess and you go okay cool I'm going
to change my behavior and since I don't
pride myself on not I don't pride myself
on being smart uh I don't pride myself
on always doing the right thing I pride
myself on learning and I pride myself on
recognizing faster than anybody else
when I actually am doing something that
doesn't make sense so if somebody points
it out rather than sit there and beat
myself up because I don't believe that
I'm ever in a permanent state right so
any accusations somebody throws at me
like I can change that so if I self
assess and realize they're actually
right then I can just change and go in a
New Direction but when people don't
believe that they don't believe that
they can change or they're really
worried like they're they're a a
perceiver so they're always like
whatever you think about me then that's
what I actually perceive myself rather
than like one of the things I've worked
really really hard on is I have a vision
of who I am that is my compass and it
other people don't get to influence that
so I run against anything anybody says
to me I run against what I'm actually
trying to accomplish and so if they
point out a hole in my game then I
change it but my compass is my
willingness to change so that's the the
what you build your self-esteem around
becomes the just really really critical
part so people don't want to say
anything because they have they're on a
scale or a spectrum of of a fixed
mindset and they worry that if they
confess that and they get something
reflected back that they don't like that
is now a permanent state of who they are
so um one learning to divorce yourself
from what other people think like taking
it in and listening is a potential
guidepost but not letting other people's
view of you change your view of you
which is really hard to do but really
important to do
mhm um yeah I mean I completely agree I
feel like yeah I was actually having a
conversation like that with my sister
recently um just like centered around
confidence building confidence um
because she's always thought of me as
the more confident one and I was trying
to figure out at what point in time in
the timeline of my life did that become
true because I would consider myself as
pretty confident but I think it's
because there's something me that always
knows like who I am and like what my
decisions like I guide by my gut and how
it feels and figure out what that
actually means um and so like when
confronted with like similar to what
you're saying when confronted with
something that doesn't necessarily sit
well I'm like okay so what is so why am
I reacting to that and like what does
that mean and is this person saying it
out of like maliciousness or is it
actually critique and I think having
worked a lot in Creative spaces you
learn to take feedback cuz it's not
personal it's you're creating something
the purpose of it is to do this does it
do that just because your creative
interpretation of it doesn't necessarily
you know move anyone towards that then
that means it failed right and so what
are the things you need to do do to
change it like copyrighting you've got
to figure out how to choose the right
words you know you if you're you know
and I do a lot of copyrighting for you
like trying to figure out how would Tom
say this and what makes sense and so you
know when you give me feedback where
it's like this isn't what I would say
like you change it and tweak it I learn
from that and so it doesn't mean that
I'm a bad writer um and that's something
I think that is really important to
distinguish is trying to figure out when
to take that feedback and how word
absolutely all right so this one comes
from from Jiao damasco I don't know it's
I'm sorry I might have Jiao damasco
seems reasonable yeah uh how to how to
keep your company thriving while there's
a national financial crisis going on um
I know this question signs kind of broad
but I'd appreciate if you could share
some thoughts on that cheers from Brazil
That's that could give you Contex that
helps yeah knowing that it's Brazil
that's really really interesting but um
I will say that the answer regardless of
country uh there's an amazing example
from our boy Walt Disney if you haven't
read his biography it will inspire The
Living Daylights out of you um and if
you don't want to read his book but you
want to get a flavor you can always
watch my book review um on it and the
answer to your question I go hard in
that book review about because what
Disney did in times of trouble always
and forever was the same thing and he
doubled triple quintupled down on the
product the product the product the
product and he just made sure that at
all times it was the best in the
industry that there was nothing better
than him that any of his competitors in
animation if they were trying to
outmaneuver him some way or behind the
scenes trying to ruin him that he was
just an undeniable Force when it came to
the final product and I think at the end
of the day that is so important and you
can put all the time and energy and
effort you want into being a slick
business person but dude if you've
missed the first and foremost like the
Marcus a really is first principles make
sure that your product is astounding
make sure it dazzles make sure it is
undeniably amazing so when I think about
all the content that we do it's like all
I'm thinking about does it actually pull
people out of the Matrix or not and if
it does and it pulls more people more
effectively than anything anyone else is
doing great then we're in the right
place but in times of trouble this
company will always Double Down oning
the product better period so doesn't
matter what's going on in the world you
have to take that seriously from the
perspective of the market is speaking
like in those times of trouble there may
be different things that they consider
valuable than at other times and you
need to be very realistic about that um
so yeah don't
overinvestment if this feed is adding
value to your life please be sure to
share it and then also remember that we
just launched a limited edition graphic
te on our store so check that out um I
believe the link is in the comments so
check it out all right so this next
question comes from Stacy Lee Tom how do
you handle uncertainties up until now
I've always had a stable job with stable
income a few months ago I was laid off I
have been unsuccessful with finding a
job no matter how hard I work on
applying and reaching out to my friends
and networks I'm not someone that makes
excuses it's just been really hard
lately and I feel very unmotivated as
it's been months of no results I'm
starting to feel useless and hopeless
what other actions can I take this is
awesome what a vulnerable question I am
so grateful for this um you already know
the answer and it's going to be uh it's
my honor to be able to give you that
answer she already knows it so and the
truth is if you're not getting the
result that you want you're not doing
the right things period so I know you
know that because you don't make excuses
which is phenomenal and that's going to
serve you well and this is the moment
that you've been waiting for all the
years that you've spent building a
mindset that does not make excuses it
was for this moment so it is clearly
hard it's harder than you expected you
thought the techniques that you had
developed were going to work and they
have not and what that tells me is that
definitively you need a new strategy and
you need to put all of your energy into
identifying what's the strategy right
now today that's going to work and
getting out there going online finding
what people are talking about things
that can work that are working for
people I'll use an example so we
interviewed Lewis how yesterday he's
going to his episode doesn't launch for
like a month and a half or something um
but his story is really really
fascinating so here's this guy uh he's
broke broken on his sister's couch does
not know how to get a job starts
researching like ways to network comes
across the called LinkedIn which was
pretty new when he was doing it becomes
a master of LinkedIn right but it's it's
a totally new skill set for him it is
not what he thought he was going to have
to do but it was the thing that he in
all of the different things that he was
trying that was the one that popped and
there is a solution to this problem
there is I promise you so you have to
find that solution so I get it all the
things you thought were going to work
failed you and that is that really sucks
and that's a really hard place to be in
and I'll just uh I'll put us in the mix
it is so very real that all the things
we think are going to work right now to
build the studio virtually all of them
will fail okay I know that I know going
into it right I am not yet the man I
need to be in order to build the studio
I know that so in all of this you're
constantly like pushing everything as
hard as you can with who you are now and
seeing where does it all start to break
and crumble and then you just address
those things one by one so I obviously
not auditing her situation I cannot tell
you what specific specific thing it is I
don't know if she's currently not good
enough at interviewing I don't know if
her skill set isn't right I don't know
if on paper she doesn't look good like
this may be a question of you need to be
donating your time to update your skill
set it might be that it might be that
your references are weak it might be
that the reference at your old job is
bad and you don't realize and so now
every time you're putting yourself out
there and they call the check on
references they're actually getting a
bad answer there's so many awesome
stories of people doing things like I'll
give you one example like really getting
extreme to get a job oh God watch the
episode with um Jay samit J samit
amazing third uh print by the way they
did a third you welld deserved read his
book he talks about the links that he
went to get a job when he just couldn't
get one and it was bad Economic Times
and he didn't know what to do his story
of going to the like ends to get a job
are pretty spectacular so in fact I
won't uh bastardize it by trying to
paraphrase it go watch that episode
or read his book either one we talk
about it in the episode and he goes into
great detail in the book but is a
perfect example of truly truly not
making excuses going all the way to in
essence creating a fake company in order
to um get a job and oh it yeah it's an
amazing story watch it watch it watch it
right and I mean part of it is just
being able to like humble yourself or
like figure out where those gaps are
because for me when I was job hunting um
when I was still in like the New York
area I thought my resume was good like
for what it was doing I was trying to
you know enter into the marketing space
like this is great but it wasn't until I
actually sat down with someone who would
be essentially receiving my resume on
the other end and we broke it down line
by line so like the fact is she was able
to donate her time over some coffee to
just you know work with me because I was
like I want to be in this space I don't
understand why I still have it um and I
keep getting all these other jobs and I
I have all the different skills that it
says that I need to have and you know it
was just asking just being like open to
really brutal feedback like the whole
thing was marked up in red I was like so
grateful because after that I started
getting like you know jobs and more
people calling me back and all that kind
of stuff and I was just like it was
something that simple and it it might
not be that for you but there could be
something else that's missing that you
need to re-evaluate you ready for don't
let me forget by the way cuz she said
that she's emotionally um distressed as
well we need to address that yes um my
dad went through a really hard time
where he could not get a job and he
began to suspect that it was age
discrimination so he dyed his hair and
got a job and I thought respect like if
if that's what you need to do to manage
the impression that you're making then
do it
and like you do what it takes right you
you make changes and you adjust and look
you can say all day long that's
disgusting he shouldn't have to do that
and you're right but the fact is he did
and it worked and that to me efficacy is
all that matters if that's what it
requires you're dealing with humans
humans are [ __ ] weird and they have
like all these preconceived notions and
all this stuff but it's like once you
stop fighting like it shouldn't be this
way and you accept but it is it is and
this is what I got to do 100% deal with
the world the way that it is not the way
you wish it would be okay one more time
deal with the world the way that it is
not the way that you wish it would be
all right now to the emotional side yes
as somebody who doesn't make excuses
you've got to cut that [ __ ] out with
haste like it will not serve you and
because it will not serve you you cannot
allow yourself to do it now I'm giving
you a peak inside my mind so I get
everything I'm about to say is going to
sound harsh just understand a reminder I
am so grateful for the very vulnerable
question that to me is a sign of courage
and is amazing now this is how I
internalize this
stuff will getting down help me get a
job the answer is unequivocably no
absolutely not I'm going to need a lot
of energy I'm going to need a [ __ ] ton
of optimism and optimism my friends is a
choice so I'm going to choose to be
optimistic the definition of success is
going from failure to failure to failure
without a loss of enthusiasm so I know
to get where I'm going I'm going to have
to remain making the decision to be
optimistic that it's going to work out
every time no matter how many times I
get rejected and failed no matter how
many new skills I have to go through the
backbreaking work of making my own I'm
going to stay optimistic I'm going to
stay upbeat I'm going to stay positive
because I know at the end of the day on
a really long timeline a really long
grueling brutal test those are the
people that end up winning and coming
out the other side it is it's never the
person that gives up it's never it's
never the person that gives up ever
never once so we know that simply
surviving the process is like the number
one so you need that energy enthusiasm
positivity to get through and if you
really want to almost startle the people
in your life and startle them in a way
that will so Inspire them and so rock
them to their core during this process
always look at the positive now that
doesn't mean that you don't take an hour
to just cry your [ __ ] eyes out and
like need to release it totally get that
but you I would literally give myself a
period of time if that's an hour I have
an
hour and I would go through whatever
motion I need to and on the other side
of that I would immediately again do the
things that I need to do that I know are
going to be efficient that are actually
going to work so you've got to get rid
of that mindset immediately fake laugh
out loud read books on neuroanatomy like
whatever you need to do to get yourself
back in a positive and optimistic state
but that is a must that is a must
remember don't ever ask for sympathy
expect empathy you should be able to
expect empathy from the important people
in your life and hopefully they're
giving it to you in Spades but don't
ever ask for sympathy and then as my boy
Stephen Hawking says when you complain
no one wants to help you so my rule of
thumb if Stephen Hawking doesn't
complain about anything I'm not going to
complain about anything it's pretty
valid it is agreed all right this next
question comes from Leila lib seller
currently working on my PhD which I love
but found after finishing my Master's
thesis that I need activities that do
something rather than focusing on
theoretical over the summer I have
started a couple of side projects that
are really interesting but I need new
skills to make them great what advice do
you have uh do you have for pulling
for um have you had for being pulled in
different directions by goals and
projects from which you have a lot of
passion so side projects super
passionate about PhD also passionate
about but needs to be doing more things
yeah so the doing more things I'm going
to set aside for a second cuz the I
think the more interesting question in
here is how do you not fall prey to
having a bunch of interests so I will um
I I hope people love this about me but
this is definitely something that walks
up to being a dick in my personality and
that is if I've done something I have
absolutely no [ __ ] sympathy for
somebody that can't do the same thing
so
for almost 15 years I essentially turned
off the part of my brain that watches
movies TV shows reads books uh I've
averaged one book of fiction a year for
the last it's got to be close to 15
years so and I love Fiction more than I
can say like reading a book every time I
do it I feel the same way that I feel
when I'm eating um really really bad
food like delicious food but bad food
and a part of me goes every time what if
you just admit you're only going to live
for 10 more years and you eat whatever
you want and you like literally just
live in a Perpetual state of
intoxication and eating bad food like
just just own it it's going to kill you
no question but it's going to be really
rad then I turn that off and I remind
myself of my identity and what I'm
trying to accomplish and all that stuff
but there is a high degree of temptation
just to give in and say whatever so I
have that same feeling when I read a
fiction book that I just want to indulge
I want to do that and then I remember I
have decided my mission is X and I work
backwards from there everything has to
live in service of that and it has been
so exciting I almost tweeted out this
morning and I had too much other [ __ ] to
do so I stopped but I almost tweeted out
this morning I am so so excit there are
two days of the week that I love more
than anything in the world Fridays and
Mondays because now that I realize it
actually serves my goal for me to look
more at fiction and really get into pop
culture and things it's like a
homecoming for me I'm like so giddy so
the thought of like 100% my wife and I
are going to watch so many episodes of
The Walking Dead this weekend it's going
to be
amazing and all the while I'll have this
congruent feeling with I know that I'm
moving towards my goals so that's very
exciting I can't even begin to tell you
but I didn't do it for a very long time
because I live in service of my goals so
don't ever make up [ __ ] excuses
about oh I have so many passions so do I
but at the end of the day like you're
only going to be effective it actually a
I'm making an assumption and that
assumption is you want to play in a
world stage I am not the right person to
pay attention to if you have no interest
in being the greatest of all time I
can't serve you so if you want to play
in a world stage if you're prepared to
say to yourself you want to be the
greatest of all time let me tell you
right now you're going to have to shut
the doors you walk into a room there are
900 there's a thousand doors let's be
consistent you walk into a room there
are a thousand doors your job is to shut
999 of them and walk through one you can
always walk back at any time you want
shut that door and open a new one that's
absolutely fine but your job is to shut
the other doors and I will make the
assumption that some massive percentage
of those doors are deep in abiding
passions for you so let's just make it
nice and hard and you're going to decide
which one that you walk through based on
what you want to achieve in your life
simple
as that makes
sense but what if the particular side
projects that she's trying to gain
skills in are essentially like her
version of a release so like let's say
meditation for a lot of people it helps
calm them bring their stress down
whatever refocus on what they need to do
for some people that's painting so what
if she's finding that she's getting a
lot of enjoyment out of that and like
that becomes her meditation so now she
has these two things that she's clearly
passionate about um how would you
address it then that is an awesome
question and hiding in the question is
the answer so here's how I would look at
it if you need to meditate and in order
to achieve whatever your mission is then
you meditate exactly as much as you need
to to be more efficient at accomplishing
your goals if you can make your form of
meditation something that you also love
that's so awesome right so like me my
passion is film making storytelling
fiction all of that and I can recognize
now that that is lined up with my goals
so once it's in line with your goal do
it and by the way the biggest goal in
your life should be something that you
love beyond measure like I every day I
love what we're doing now that does not
mean in the micro there aren't things I
absolutely despise contracts are a pain
in my ass and right now I'm going
through a contract
that it is so dull and uninteresting I
can't and like this is becoming almost
comical now do you know what percentage
of my time is spent on contracts now
mostly your morning time like I saw
before this I was like this [ __ ]
better actually be reading those
contracts yeah cuz it's like every day
there's like a new one that I feel like
you need to read and it it's getting
like laugh or cry funny now where I'll
finish like the other day I finished two
I was so proud of myself and then Amanda
was like uh we just had another one com
in and I was like is this real life well
we're trying to do stuff truth and
that's the thing it is important and
that's why that we have to do them but
so yeah anyway you have to do the things
in line up with your goals whether they
are painful whether they are are fun but
your main thing should be something that
you would love doing even if you were
failing I would love pulling people out
of the Matrix even if I I fail miserably
like the process of trying to get good
at that is so meaningful to me and so
exciting and I get giddy at some of the
skills that I need to do it so it's like
it's not like a painful thing that
should be like just amazing so you
should be when you have to give up one
of your other passions is because it's
like God do I have so much fun doing
this or so much fun doing that it's not
like well this is going to be tedious
but it's somehow more important no like
your mission the thing you decide is
your mission should be something that
sets you on fire and makes you feel
alive right and I also want to go back
to the fact that for you those things
eventually aligned so you might be
giving it up for now and you never know
when it's going to come in handy later
down the line and by the way so let's
talk about fiction the thing that I love
so much oh my God beond manager I tried
to read fiction I I actually didn't have
any intention of giving it up but every
time when I wasn't on vacation every
time when I wasn't on vacation I would
pick up a fiction book a a voice in my
head would
scream one cuz remember I love reading
non-fiction I love it so it was
screaming in my head you could go love
reading non-fiction right now and it
would move you forward whereas the other
one you would love doing it but it
wouldn't move you forward and that's how
I'm always looking at things is it it
isn't me choosing between something
heinous that I'm cuz remember I did
for depending on sort of what part of
the story I want people to focus on
either six or eight and a half years at
the the six year mark I realized I was
not willing to do it without a finite
hard stop but it ended up taking 8 and 1
half years but at the at year six of
chasing money I realized I'm never doing
this again and so that was the last time
in my life where I didn't make the
demand that I made a living doing
something that also made me feel alive
so simply slip that demand in and now
you're not choosing between something
that isn't Fun and something that is fun
you're choosing between something that
you love and something else that you
love and when it's now like this but
this thing drains me at like whatever
the hour 60 Mark for my week well then
awesome to keep doing it and feel alive
and be passionate and attack it as hard
as you need to then go do that other
thing if it's painting hiking that's
awesome it's actually serving your goals
you know that about yourself you've
looked inwards you see the truth of it
and do it 100% that's like vacation
here's the thing I work a stupid number
of hours every week that is because I'm
having a [ __ ] blast doing what I'm
doing my goals are really important to
me and so it fills me with a sense of
fulfillment to be doing it but because I
play as hard as I play I don't like when
I want to take a vacation I take a
vacation like I don't there isn't even a
flicker of guilt and if I have a flicker
of guilt it's because I know that I
haven't done all the things that I want
for my own sake to do on the other
side that's fair all right hopefully
that helps out Lea all right so this
next one comes from Adam uh
diardi what separates the doers from the
do Nots those stuck in their limiting
beliefs and the Matrix and those who are
free trying to gain leverage on myself
to Fig uh to push through being
comfortable and get free yeah I mean
this this comes down to Identity it
comes down to what people decide they
want it comes down to the demands that
people are willing to make of themselves
and it comes down to
like like what do You Want To Be True in
your life so what I mean by that and I I
mentioned this earlier so I think it is
an a completely valid life choice to be
morbidly obese to eat whatever you want
and to accept this is going to limit my
lifespan but I make that choice
consciously and and I'm going to do that
I think that's completely valid the
choice that doesn't make any sense to me
is the one where you're morbidly obese
you feel guilty when you eat food you
don't feel good on a daily basis um you
have aches and pains and all of that you
want to live a longer healthier lifespan
and you know that the food is causing
you a problem it's you can even
articulate this is like a drug addiction
but you don't do anything to solve the
problem that is [ __ ] maddening to me
that drives me nuts in a way that I
cannot tell you but I'm not judging them
for the state of their body I'm saying
you have a goal and you're living in
congruently to that goal like that's
Madness and so when your own life
doesn't bring you fulfillment and
happiness it's like what are you doing
it's one thing when you're lost and like
you don't understand it's another when
you can [ __ ] articulate I'm doing all
of this to myself I'm doing it to myself
in this way and yet I recognize what I'm
struggling with is an addiction and I
choose to do nothing about
it that winds me up so that like if if
what you want for your life is a
stress-free life that is perfectly valid
don't don't force yourself to like push
and pursue and strive like know that to
be in alignment with what I want for my
life
I need a stressfree life fantastic don't
chase money let's start there bring your
like Universe cut it down to the quick
don't have children because that is a a
super high demand in your time and
nature is going to make sure that you
feel just like this absolute compulsion
to care for them to do for them to build
an amazing life for them so there are
just certain choices that I would say if
what you want is a stressfree life that
you shouldn't do but that's an
absolutely valid choice so people have
to decide what they want I have no
interest in a stress-free life what I
have an interest in is playing on a
world stage all the things I've already
talked about so I live in accordance
with that and it brings me a tremendous
amount of fulfillment
excitement my life is very exciting to
me my future is very compelling to me so
you just need to really figure out what
you want your life to be like and then
act in accordance with it without
judgment by the
way keyw without judgment correct all
right so this last question I guess cuz
we're coming up on the hour um comes
from shahani I'm combining my passion
for baking and my compassion for others
by starting a dessert subscription box
advice on getting it out there to
influencers and organizations around
mental health and suicide awareness I
know you are into mindset and would love
your thoughts on the idea oh
God I'm not I'm not going to give her an
answer she likes so I was so with her
can we pretend she didn't say Mental
Health so here's the here's the problem
food is probably the thing most uh I'm
going to set aside that something that
you have like a neurological disorder in
your genetics that's very scannable and
we can see hey based on
this almost all of mental illness is
epigenetic meaning that it's a reaction
to your environment now the biggest
influencer on your environment is what
you eat so man if you had said anything
because a bowl of ice cream brings
people Joy awesome desserts a rat I am
so glad they exist if anyone ever tried
to legislate them out of my life I would
be pissed I believe people should be in
they should get to decide what they eat
now here's the bad
news I think that there is a tremendous
influence on high sugar foods which are
traditional in deserts um and it's
disruption of the microbiome disrupting
the microbiome disrupts the production
of serotonin serotonin plays massively
certainly into depression probably
anxiety as well so now you're disrupting
neurotransmitters with dessert so I I
feel bad because it is only because she
said mental health and I'm like I don't
know that you want to push dessert
specifically if what you're really
worried about is mental
health so that's my answer for getting
it out there to mental health it's
probably a bad idea now getting it out
there to help cheer people up they've
had a bad day they want like that
surprise dessert which I think is
awesome and totally valid and wonderful
uh that is identifying influencers who
people listen to for that thing so
getting out there to Foodies getting out
there to people that have a voice in
that Community where people want to
create all this amazing stuff and and so
they have a voice in that Community now
this is where it comes in having an
amazing product is critical your
desserts really need to stop people in
their tracks They don't need to be as
good as everything else cuz there's a
lot of noise in the food space they need
to be better and so there needs to be
something about your dessert that just
is going to stop people in their tracks
make them take notice because people in
that space they're going to be getting a
lot of stuff from a lot of people and
you've got to ask why does mine stand
out uh and I'm going to guess that her
part of the reason that she is or part
of the thing she's trying to leverage to
stand out is the mental health thing the
very in congruous and then go back to my
earlier statement so you need something
in and of the product itself that speaks
to
that so there you have it all right well
with that you ended right at 11 on the
dot so I guess we're getting better at
this there it is but if this feed added
any value to your life today be sure to
share it um we're always looking to grow
especially within our community because
that's pretty much how we will build
this studio yes indeed yeah so thank you
guys so much for joining us we love
doing these we don't take a single
person and a single question for granted
for those of you that submit High
vulnerability questions thank you thank
you thank you absolutely amazing we love
it the community definitely um a gets to
hear that they're not alone and then B
hopefully gets an answer that's usable
in their life so thank you guys so much
for that this is a weekly show so if you
haven't already be sure to subscribe and
until next time my friends be legendary
take care cheers