Kind: captions
Language: en
our next segment is an amma an a magista
give you guys an idea is a nod to reddit
and they're asking me anything a
platform so this is a bit of rapid-fire
making sure that you guys are getting
your money's worth our question is it
seems I stick to my word when it comes
to doing things for my loved ones but
don't have integrity for my own wants
and needs how can I stick to my goals
that is a fantastic question okay so all
of this is going to really come down to
identity it's going to come down to what
are the things that you want once you
know what you're trying to accomplish
and you can work backwards from there
then your one gonna know what you need
to do and once you know what you need to
do it becomes a lot easier to stick to
it so that is step number one identify
goal what is it that you're going to
need to accomplish that and then really
from an identity perspective keep
bringing yourself back to Center back to
Center back to Center like somebody had
asked a question earlier what they do
when they find themselves drifting their
attention and constantly going off going
off and they have attention deficit
disorder or whatever the case may be how
do they get themselves back to Center
and that really is a question of
identity so make sure that you have that
answer alright and that was by the way
if I didn't say it out loud that was
from facts d fatty I'm gonna assume
that's fatty fatty Hassan so there it is
alright fan question it's you know
that's the same one so do we have the
next one or do you guys want me to up
there we go
so from Vic Bansal nope there we go can
you describe what you mean by going into
the darkness I can alright so going into
the darkness I think everybody is
motivated by two different things one
you have the beautiful things in your
life the things that are going well the
things that you're grateful for the
things you're moving towards instead of
a way you have a compelling vision of
your future it's something that you're
very excited about all of those things
are the
things now the flip side of that
equation are the things that it's people
that doubt you its haters it's things
you're moving away from
it's fear-based things it's something
that you absolutely refuse to let happen
so one that is incredibly potent to me
are the people that want to see me fail
so it's very different than people who
just think you're going to fail I
actually don't have a lot of aggression
towards people like that but people that
want me to fail those people I have a
lot of aggression for and I find in very
acute moments the darkness serves you
better in very acute moments now the
light the things you're moving towards
the things that are beautiful the things
that you're grateful for all of that is
the only winning strategy long-term
because the darkness becomes corrosive
you start to become bitter you start to
be angry you stop being optimistic you
stop seeing things in a way that's
empowering and positive and I mean just
thinking about the deep limbic system
when it gets inflamed you perceive
things as negative I think negativity
stops people from making progress
there's a whole host of neurological
reasons and the sort of mindset reasons
why I think that being negative over the
long run becomes very very detrimental
and holds you back but from an acute
standpoint they've done Studies on this
if you want someone to be able to endure
more pain the surest way to get people
to endure more pain is to let them get
angry let them be aggressive and in
doing that people are able to withstand
in the clinical trials I'll say that's
probably more than this but in clinical
trials they're able to withstand thirty
percent more pain so just straight being
able to take more pain anger and
aggression lets you do 30% more so
that's why I think in acute ways and
short-term bursts that the darkness will
serve you alright I guess we're now live
on Instagram and I'm supposed to be
telling you guys to go over to Facebook
so that you can join us for the 24 hour
live so go over right now dearest
Instagram in fact Instagram once you
come closer come close come see me it's
so good to see you I've missed you all
go ahead walk on up stand right
the camera is very good to see you yeah
hi so head over to Facebook we're doing
a live it's 24 hours that we're gonna be
live without stopping so go check it out
I can't wait to see you over on Facebook
where we have all these beautiful
cameras that we can switch to also we
can answer your questions so head over
right now to Facebook live I will see
you guys there all right next question
up this one is from Steve Troutman and
Steve says what is your top way to open
people up to change this assumes they're
desiring change coming to you for help
but they're locked in an identity that
does not support what they want okay so
here's the real answer and I get it we
all want to be as helpful to the people
that we love and care about is humanly
possible but I beg all of you don't
proselytize so view yourself as a
filtering mechanism you're looking for
the people that already want to change
and I think that Naveen Jain said it
best he said don't think of yourself as
somebody who has to lead a horse to
water and get them to drink don't even
think about that instead just try to
make them thirsty and I really really
like that notion if you think of your
job is to either help people be thirsty
or identify people that are already
thirsty then they're gonna resonate with
your message but speaking for myself I'm
not the game of changing people I'm not
in the game of convincing people to want
to change I'm merely in the business of
entertaining intriguing and then helping
to pull people out of the matrix that
identify themselves as wanting to come
out also nobody sounds like a bigger
[ __ ] than the guys how they're trying
to convince everybody that their way is
right so I'm looking for people that
resonate with the way that I think
rather than trying to convince everybody
to think like I think now I happen my
mindset is all focused around efficiency
and being efficacious towards actually
achieving your goals so I think that
there's something incredibly Universal
in that but at the end of the day it's
really about finding people that are
going to resonate with that rather than
trying to convince people all right next
question oh by the way just to orient
people we're doing the amma format so
this is based on the reddit format of
ask me anything and this is different
for
our normal Q&A format which is a little
bit more free-flowing a little bit
longer answers I go down different
branching chains of thought in the amma
format what i'm trying to do is be very
concise keep my answers to roughly two
minutes or less
so that we can get to a lot of answers
and if you're really just joining us
this is our 24-hour live we're doing
this as a thank you of wanting to be
service to you guys a sign of
appreciation because we've crossed I
don't I don't think it's in camera
anymore but we've crossed a hundred
thousand on Facebook which we are
insanely blown away by so thank you guys
so so much for being a part of this
community it is amazing and we are
insanely grateful and so we wanted to
suffer a little bit in service of you
guys and do this live non-stop for 24
hours so thank you for tuning in
alright this question is from Joe
Trevino how to motivate your girlfriend
I believe when she is lazy and doesn't
want to work out oh god the amount of
horrifying things hiding in this comment
so my encouragement is always always
always meet people with compassion so I
will assume you didn't mean it to come
across this way and I really am grateful
for the question but even if you're
thinking inside your own mind like this
person is lazy I can't believe it they
don't want to work out that is gonna
seep out of your every pore so you have
to be really really careful one that's
gonna turn them off it's gonna push them
away it's gonna move you farther away
from your goal and you know me my thing
is do and believe that which moves you
towards your goal and if your goal is to
really get her to workout you want to
lead with excitement you want to lead
with encouragement you want to make her
feel good you want her to feel better
about herself when she's around you in
fact that's that's just an important
thing to note at all times your
significant other you should make your
significant other feel better about
themselves and their around you than
when they don't and so you have to find
a way to be loving supporting
encouraging of her exactly the way that
she is
and if that's impossible for you and
you're it's so anathema and such a
turn-off of you the way that they think
or act or
you know whatever it is about them then
you have chosen poorly and getting
involved in a relationship with somebody
who you don't connect with and don't
feel that connection that draw all of
that is dangerous and if they have
slowly retreated over time and changed
in a way that you perceive as being
negative from the time that you got
together I say you have to take
responsibility for that so for whatever
reason you were not able to engage them
in a way that they could hear and
understand and emotionally respond to
and go on that journey with you as you
begin to work out or whatever it is path
you're trying to take them down but I
promise there's it's some people you're
just never going to change so let's
start with that and then you're never
gonna get somebody to change with you if
they don't feel loved appreciated and
connected to you in the first place so
meet them with empathy okay next
question from Carmy Engel Brecht Tom do
you ever use five-four-three-two-one or
do you just get up and do what needs to
get done so I wish that I had
encountered that a very long time ago 20
years ago that would have been really
helpful for me unfortunately I didn't so
just in the intervening years I
developed other strategies the strategy
that I use so by the way this is a
reference to Mel Robbins and her
five-four-three-two-one strategy which i
think is amazing and I've had so many
people write me a shocking number write
in and say how much it's helped them so
I have no doubt that it's a very
profound strategy for people that
haven't found an answer to that yet my
answer was different and it is identity
and I'm sure I'll talk about that
another question so I'll leave it at
that all right next question is from sim
land Tom how do you not get addicted to
the darkness one I don't find the
darkness is very pleasant the darkness
is powerful darkness is very powerful
and it feels awesome for a minute and
then it begins to be corrosive and I
find that the thing that really gets me
excited makes me feel alive as optimism
is believing that things are gonna work
out believing that I can do anything I
set my mind to so that for me is so
intoxicating from the perspective of
just being really excited and having joy
for life and all of that that that's
really really incredible and powerful
so I don't get addicted to it because I
don't find it intrinsically pleasurable
for more than say honestly like probably
20 minutes like I use it as a catalyst
to get myself out of negativity to get
into a really positive place and get
that momentum going again but it really
is to me it's like jump-starting a car
once you jump-start the car you don't
leave it connected to the jumper cables
you take them off and it's back to
driving as normal so yeah I think if you
don't even need to worry about whether
you're addicted to it or not just do
straight math on how much of your time
you spend there and I think you should
never ever ever for any reason ever
spend more than 20% of your time there
because it is ultimately corrosive for
reasons that I went through a few
minutes ago so I won't go through that
again now but 80/20 80% of your time on
the beautiful things 20% of your time
using the darkness to rese Park you and
get you going alright next question is
from Naomi Hernandez how do you make
sure that you actually focus on 80% 20
80% Beauty and 20% rage it's amazing I
find that I know this tool theoretically
but my mind still constantly drifts to
the darkness and frustrating things and
I wonder whether I'm fooling myself in
the process even though I know the path
all right so it's important to recognize
that everything in life everything in
life is a process so you may not be good
at it at first you may be downright bad
at it but if you keep doing it in a
disciplined manner calling yourself out
when you're spending more than 20% of
your time there finding things like a
mindfulness practice that literally
limits the amount of time
physiologically that you'll spend and
what I'll call the sort of Rage State
which let's define as being in the fight
flight freeze mode so you know that
you're there because your heart rate is
elevated you feel anxiety you feel
stress you feel depression like all of
those things are that world of the
overactive amygdala you're in a state
that is high arousal and so you can
actually do things to get out of that
state because it's what is called a
negative cycle so you want to get into a
negative feedback loop and what that
means is that you can't have them both
elevated at the same time so as you
raise your parasympathetic nervous
system you by nature lower the
sympathetic nervous system so the
sympathetic nervous system is
fight-or-flight the parasympathetic
nervous system is rest and digest so a
mindful practice meditation what it's
doing is actually forcing you into or
triggering I should say triggering the
parasympathetic nervous system you're
slowing your breathing you're lowering
your heart rate you're breathing from
the diaphragm you're forcing your
thoughts back to your breath so that
they're not wandering on negative
thoughts which then reach rigor the
sympathetic nervous system so in doing
that because they won't both be high at
the same time you raise your
parasympathetic and it pulls you out so
just from a math equation you do the
simple math if you've been in the
sympathetic side too long in the rage
mode that you need to just spend time
doing something as simple as a mindful
practice to get you back on the other
side also there's the reticular
activating system which is a fancy way
of saying what you focus on you're gonna
see more of so spend your time focusing
on optimism how things are gonna go
right and it's manual you just force
yourself to do it alright next question
is from Johan Lucena did you ever read
about stoicism what do you think about
negative visualization so I have read
about stoicism primarily from Ryan
holiday so I haven't read a lot of what
Ryan holiday is synthesizing I tried and
I found it way harder to digest the the
language is is more painful and I just
found that Ryan was essentially taking
all of the stoic learnings and making it
very accessible to me as a modern
audience so I was very very empowered by
his books excuse me the obstacle is the
way and the ego is the enemy both of
those I found were very very impactful I
don't know what you mean by negative
visualization obviously I can sound it
out from the words but I don't know if
there's a theory in stoicism that says
you should spend some amount of time
meditating on the way that things could
go wrong and that's one of those again
spent too much time thinking about how
things could go wrong even though you'll
feel prepared you're actually triggering
anxiety you're hardwiring anxiety you're
associating whatever it is you're about
to do with all the possible ways that it
could go wrong and that I know because I
spent decades there will spiral you the
[ __ ] out of control into an anxious
state so I think it's better in
unbalance to spend the vast majority of
your time thinking about all the ways
that things are going to go right so
that would be my advice all right next
question from Michael Anthony
if only we had Hall at the end of that
for Michael Anthony have you come across
thoughts put out by others that you
don't personally agree with but are
effective in the impact narrative no
because depending on what you mean by
the impact narrative is a lot of things
in here I'd love to have defined but the
impact narrative certainly as I see it
is really what is effective and that's
how I judge everything in my life what
is effective so I don't have a preset
like if I found that spending 80 percent
of your time in negativity and rage were
actually what is gonna move you towards
your goals then I would say do that
spend 80% of your time there but if what
is true remains true and I see that that
isn't the answer then I'm gonna tell
people to go to that so I don't have a
narrative that I'm clinging to something
that needs to be true like for instance
if traditional narrative and creating
comic book smoke movies TV shows all
that I realized isn't actually effective
for pulling people out of the matrix
then will pivot and stop being a studio
so it's all about being effective
alright next question is from Lion Ella
to Darien Lyon Ella to Darien that's
kind of a cool name feels like something
straight out of Game of Thrones hi Tom
what can I do when I feel like I'm
falling off the wagon for example just
after a period of high so if there a
period of high and being steady and
consistent with my goal I just let
myself be pulled into someone else's
craziness and the fall seems so much
deeper what are some techniques that I
can apply to set myself back on track so
first and foremost self compassion in
fact everybody lean in nice and close
self compassion it's probably the most
important thing
that you can do for yourself is when you
[ __ ] up you need to forgive yourself
okay so that's really really important
so and I'll walk you through an example
about whatever twenty minutes ago
I get really frustrated when people are
trying to tell me something but they're
whispering that [ __ ] red lines me in
a way that I can't even begin to tell
you and so it just happened while I'm
here live on camera and I hold myself to
a standard of catching my emotions
before they rise up now this has
happened twice today the first time it
happened I caught myself yay
the second time it happened I was like
for real we're doing this again and I
got very frustrated so I was very
disappointed in myself for that I need
to be compassionate towards myself
forgive myself for that get better use
it as practice and remember that life
isn't performance it really is about
practice so once you can meet yourself
with compassion then you can begin to
let go of whatever it is that's really
[ __ ] with your mindset you can get
back on track you can refocus and don't
wait til Monday and that's a mistake
that everybody makes so if you fall off
the way and like $5.00 off the wagon at
958 at 9:59 I'm back on the wagon so I'm
not waiting even for a ten o'clock like
you literally do it right there at that
moment make it a part of your identity
that you're the type of person that does
that so that is really really critical
all right next question
Jonathan Rushton how long before this
event did you wake up so I went to bed
last night later than normal
specifically so I would wake up later so
I went to bed at about 10:05 and I got
up at for like 35 so I got about 6 now I
got six and a half hours to whatever
that makes it so must been right around
5 o'clock so I got six and a half hours
so yeah right around 5 a.m. is when I
woke up and yeah that was it right that
was the sum total of that question there
we go
oh no Nicoli Northey do and believe that
which moves you towards your goal have
you ever had a stubborn belief that was
difficult for you to change more than
I've had a stubborn belief I'll say that
I've had stubborn behaviors that are
hard to get to go
away so we all have those things that
trigger us and I find that it's really
fascinating where the trigger lies the
work needs to be done so for whatever
reason like when I don't understand
something and maybe this fact let me
process which I won't do too much of
because this is Amma but processing out
loud
I felt dumb as a kid and so it's a
trigger for me when I don't understand
something and I feel that somebody is
essentially thinking that I'm stupid
yeah so like when somebody I'm put in a
situation where it's impossible for me
to actually get the information that is
that like redlines me in a way that I'm
working on so yeah that that's a big one
and so getting things like that
recognizing that if that's a trigger
that's a you thing not of them thing and
trying to figure out why that's a you
thing I think is pretty important all
right next question from Thomas and
Rica's what would your strategy be for
implementing a quick start morning if
you're 15 alarms on three different
clocks don't always wake you up ie sleep
through them even with eight hours of
sleep I'm at a loss for why I need so
much sleep okay so mana would need to
dive into your world to really see
what's going on it's very possible that
you're not sleeping as well as you think
so
you may want to use a device that is
going to track your sleep so you can see
how many times you're waking up so you
may be in bed for eight hours you may
have your eyes closed for eight hours
but you may have sleep apnea you may
just wake up a lot you may drift up into
a lighter type of sleep I forget phase
of sleep rather than being in the deep
phases of sleep that you need to be in
so you probably just aren't getting
quality sleep or what may also be highly
likely or what is highly likely is that
you sleep cyclically so you may not get
enough sleep a lot of nights but then
you sleep eight hours and think I should
be back to this or you may even sleep
eight hours a night for a week but you
still need more and you haven't caught
up and so if you think of the brain is
essentially doing construction while
you're sleeping if you're chronically
sleep-deprived the work just isn't being
done so it isn't like one good night of
sleep is gonna get all of that road work
done you have to sleep until the work is
finished not until you get one good
night's sleep so it may take you months
literally months of sleeping without an
alarm sleeping as many hours as you need
sometimes you'll sleep eight sometimes
you may sleep 10 11 hours just getting
that work done in the brain it's
literally removing I'm outside my realm
of knowledge it's removing things
build-up by-product from the brain
taking it out you need the reduction in
inflammation in the brain in order to
actually get it out so and that only
happens when you're sleeping so there's
all kinds of things that have to be done
all right so grand prize we're giving
away so much stuff today every segment
except maybe the Emmys has prizes and we
are doing one big prize at the end of
the day which is all of the individual
segments put into one master mama JAMA
we've got all kinds of things from quest
products no better foods products the mo
Deus health device a bunch of IT swag
subscriptions to audible all kinds of
amazing amazing stuff so you're gonna
have to find there are seven Easter eggs
that are going to be planted throughout
the 24-hour live and if I'm not mistaken
and admittedly I could be but if I'm not
mistaken we've already done - I think
that's accurate so just to give you a
guys an idea over the next 24 hours
we're going to be placing those things
and make sure you either tune in or
certainly watch at some point the
late-night ones because I know that
we'll be doing some then to reward
people that are rockin with us through
the night and anybody that can identify
all seven Easter eggs are we doing the
first the first person to identify all
seven Easter eggs is gonna be the winner
of the grand prize and it's like
multiple thousands of dollars worth of
prizes I mean its massive we're not
[ __ ] around why aren't we [ __ ]
around boys and girls because we are
insanely grateful to this community we
are doing this whole 24 hour live I
haven't even taken a pee-pee break heads
we're doing it because we crossed a
hundred thousand on Facebook we are
insanely honored and great
for that so thank you guys so much for
helping us get across that the numbers
really are meaningful to us in terms of
putting us in a better negotiating
position to build out the contents to do
so we're not just doing we're not just
doing the numbers for vanity although it
is amazingly gratifying we're doing it
because that really will put us in a
position we can get more guests on the
show which is super super important to
bringing you guys value we can also go
into a studio when we are selling the
content that we're making and leverage
that to maintain the rights to
merchandising and things like that which
is gonna be really important to us
all right so segment giveaway question
all right so the next segment are we
moving on to the next segment at this
point oh so we're doing a giveaway for
the amma all right cool so the segment
giveaway question is where do you see
impact three in five years we want to
know all right so where do you guys see
impact theory in five years be very
interesting to hear that answer and the
prize is next to me oh this is we did
announce this at the head alright I
looked over and I saw nothing or so I
thought but it's actually tickets to
success live which is going to be a lot
of fun I'm one of the speakers there
this is soon this is in September or
early September if I'm not mistaken 8th
7th and 8th 8th or 9th somewhere around
there we'll announce that later at some
point alright so that's the question
where do you see impact theory in five
years all right
what is up IG live you guys should
really go over to Facebook if you can
I'm sure some of you are staying on IG
because you don't have access to
Facebook but if you head over that to
Facebook we have all kinds of multiple
cameras and pretty angles and all kinds
of amazing stuff and you can get your
questions answered over there so highly
encourage you if you can head over to
Facebook otherwise thank you for joining
us on Instagram all right next question
this is from Marc Santiago could you
please talk more about the concept where
you think so much about your goals that
sometimes you don't achieve them because
it feels like they you've already
achieved them I feel that this is
happening to me how do I get out of this
all right
so it's a psychological principle that
all call pacifying yourself I don't
remember the actual name for it but
there's this amazing release valve in
the mind that when you think about
something becoming true it actually
makes you feel a little bump of the
dopamine that you would feel if it
actually came true so it's really
powerful as a way to get you moving and
that in fact is how you create a
compelling future you think about
something that you want to come true you
actually feel it you see how exciting it
would be it gives you the directional
emotional evidence as to whether that's
something you would actually like enough
to pursue but then if you spend all of
your time thinking about it then it
becomes this release valve where you're
spending so much time in the chemical
joy of imagining it that part of you
forgets that it actually hasn't happened
and so you don't go out and do the work
that you need to actually make that
thing happen and that's where the 80/20
rule comes in where you're gonna spend a
lot of time thinking about that thing
you're moving towards you're also gonna
spend time kicking yourself in the ass
and reminding yourself that it hasn't
come true yet and also may I suggest
really falling in love with the process
and making sure that what you're doing
is something that you enjoy so that
you're actually getting a bigger
dopamine response from the things you do
on a daily basis that are you have
intrinsically designed to actually move
you towards those goals that's really
really a critical part of that process
so yep that's the principle be aware of
that but also remember that you gonna
need that to create that compelling
future all right question is from Anna
Maggie Harrop what do you have for
breakfast unusual day so it depends on
whether I'm in a protein mode or I'm in
a keto mode so I roughly alternate week
to week so one week I'll be ketogenic
I'm always by the way ketogenic on the
weekends but I'll be ketogenic one week
and then the next week Monday through
Friday I'll be high protein and the
reason that I cycle in and out of
ketosis is because I find that my muscle
softens and from a body composition
standpoint I just don't look as good or
feel as good from a strength perspective
as when I alternate with high protein
and I do the ketogenic side because of
all the cognitive benefits the way it
changes your relationship to food and I
find it infinitely easier to lose fat
when I'm on a ketogenic diet and most
importantly and the reason that I fell
in love with keto is because of its
anti-inflammatory properties so I
struggled with joint pain for almost two
decades and it was only a ketogenic diet
that got me out of that and it was very
very profound so my breakfast on a keto
period is gonna be quest keto cups I do
fear that I think they are actually
stopping making those and very sad to
report that so finding other ketogenic
products so that something ketogenic in
the morning anything that's high fat low
protein and virtually no carbohydrate
right now because I bought an absolute
stockpile or I got an absolute stockpile
from quest that is what I live on for my
ketogenic breakfast is if I'm doing a
high-protein breakfast then I'll do
quest protein chips and by the way this
isn't just self promotion actually what
I do I two bags of chips and then the
quest protein cups one of them so it's
two bags of chips one cup alright next
question is from sabe Singh can having
an addictive personality be beneficial
or destructive in your opinion I think
it can be both and there's some very
interesting studies about what happens
to people when they have an addictive
personality it can actually be something
that makes you compulsive as an
entrepreneur to push to keep going to
get obsessed to drive harder than
anybody else because you become so
myopically focused on that thing where
the brain chemistry of the pursuit is so
addictive that you keep going or you've
gamified the experience and you
literally become obsessed and that's one
thing about addictive personalities
they're very obsessive so they get
incredibly focused and while I don't
know this is true my gut instinct is is
that it is true somebody who finds
themselves flirting with or is in
full-blown anorexia is also the same
person that could have an addiction
problem because any of those obsessions
I find is you get such an amazing reward
from gamifying something so from the
outside when you look at somebody that
has an erect so you think what the [ __ ]
are you doing like this is so clearly
self-destructive and leading you on a
one-way path to your death but if you
were inside that person's mind the
chemical rewards they give themselves
for being disciplined enough to do it
and the myopic focus on getting skinnier
and skinnier and skinnier and skinnier
is crazy and then of course the
obsessive thinking on the negative side
about being fat and all that so it's
just obsessive loops obsessive loops but
if you can point those obsessive loops
at something empowering and positive
then all of a sudden you can leverage
that same just like unending will and
drive to do something in a positive
direction so it really depends on what
you pointed out all right next question
is from Nancy Voigt how are you enjoying
this doing this 24-hour live feed so far
this is amazing to me I'm not enjoying
it nearly as much as I will be around 3
a.m. when it sucks and I [ __ ] hate it
and once you understand why literally
that is the time that I'll actually
enjoy it the most then you'll really
have an insight into me because right
now it's still chemically fun it will
become truly deeply fulfilling and fun
when it hurts and I know that most
people wouldn't be willing to do it
because identity this is really
important identity is far more rewarding
from a fulfillment standpoint a depth of
emotion standpoint a grandeur of emotion
standpoint then the momentary happiness
of getting to interact with you guys
knowing that you know we're engaging and
that you're asking questions that we're
building this company and that the team
is rallied around it's all fun that is
awesome and I love it but it's not
nearly as big of an emotion as being
true to an identity that you're proud of
which is why for me you're gonna hear me
talk about identity a lot because that
is one of your most potent allies and
becoming the person that you want to
become just constructing that identity
and then living up to it all right fan
question from Jeremy Thompson any
suggestions for helping with delegating
I have a habit of taking on too much
work because I have a vision for how I
see a finished product and I can't trust
my co-workers to see a project through
to my admittedly high standard
okay so this is this is a very big
question I'm gonna give it to you really
systematically you're gonna have to look
at a few different things one you have
to ask really honestly the question am I
an [ __ ] it's very possible that right
now you're just an [ __ ] and you have
an ego that is out of control you need
to check that and so and and I'm
speaking as somebody who lives there so
this is I'm not judging you like I
really do meet with empathy but you just
have to be really really honest are you
being an [ __ ] are you displaying the
traits of an [ __ ] because you can
very easily get out of this so are you
doing it because you always think you're
right are you doing it because you pride
yourself on being right are you doing it
because you pride yourself on being
smart because that's how you gonna turn
people against you
that is when you're in that zone so
first failing to delegate is like the
worst [ __ ] possible strategy as a
leader so even if you're not an [ __ ]
you're a [ __ ] terrible leader okay just
hashtag keeping it real so I have been
there I have been a piss-poor leader so
again I'm not judging I'm just saying
that is a truth that you have to [ __ ]
face so are you being an [ __ ] or are
you just being a bad leader one of those
two things or both are true so once you
realize that is a terrible [ __ ]
strategy and now we have to delegate now
you have to figure out if you can't
trust the people why can't you trust
them can you not trust them because
you've created that environment where
people don't trust you and they don't
want to help you because you've been a
know-it-all [ __ ] up to this point or
you act like you're better than them so
if that's the case how do you begin to
engender trust how do you win them over
and I will tell you that finding ways to
bring value to them and one of the ways
is they may value autonomy they may want
like a really exciting project that you
also want and you can give them that
project and let it be something that
they're excited about you can help them
see what they're good at don't [ __ ]
them but if there's something that
they're really good at and you want to
delegate a project to them based on
skill set and say look I need somebody
that has XYZ skill I think you're
amazing at that as long as that's
sincere and if they are amazing with
that say I want to give you this project
now the key here is if you cannot yet
trust them to do it well but you believe
that you can't trust them because of
you've created this is where you let
them fail you support them all the way
tell them that you're going to be there
that you will help them in any way shape
or form that they want help make sure
that you pre plan a check-in so that
they can come and ask questions that
they don't have to ask for that check-in
and then in that check-in be that
sounding board and if they don't really
have much let them go and really let
them see what they can do and then at
the end assess how well they did and if
they did well then hey reward them and
now you know whoa like I really can
trust them more than I thought and if
they fail meet that with compassion meet
that with them but they don't punish
them for it and figure out what do we
want to learn from this and then help
them learn that and move forward you
start doing that and look at first
they're not gonna trust you it's not
gonna work it's gonna take assume it's
gonna take you a year if you go into it
knowing I'm gonna have to be consistent
with this every time I'm gonna have to
be facilitating them shining I'm gonna
take a total backseat all of my energy
is gonna be focused on making sure that
my team shines if you do that for a year
at the end of that year your life will
be different I promise I'll stop there
because I'm being succinct all right
next question is Vic Bansal what is your
advice on what to expect on the length
of time before realizing success I've
been working on my craft for 2.5 years
and have seen much improvement on a
year-by-year basis but I'm not where I
thought I would be by now I love this
question so here is the important part
to understand the struggle is guaranteed
the success is not so the answer is you
may never succeed that's just the truth
you may never get where you want to be
and I've never once ever in my life been
where I thought I should be so quest
grew faster than I thought there's no
question about that but as we started
growing fast and I wanted more I
demanded more as pushing myself harder
and loving it by the way not feeling
badly about it not feeling like stress
or anything it was so much fun to see
like how far can we go so that's my
personality you have to be honest with
what's real to you
but two and a half years is absolutely
[ __ ] nothing you need to be thinking
in decades right once you can have your
timeline be measured in decades like
I've been in my craft for twenty years
or thirty years
that's when you just won't be able to
stop yourself from getting amazing if
you're putting the time and energy into
acquiring a new skill every day right or
pushing a skill that you have just to
get better a little bit better every day
every day every day like there's an
awesome quote from Tony Robbins he says
people always overestimate what they can
do in a year and they underestimate what
they can do in 10 and I think that's
really powerful but if you just go all
out every day and stop and look back at
the long horizon so this year look back
on where you were 10 years ago instead
of where you were two and a half years
ago and really think about how far
you've come and if you're 21 and you're
looking back on what you were like at 11
awesome never will there be a more
powerful comparison to when you were
really young and you think Jesus like
you didn't understand things like paying
your taxes you couldn't walk to your
friend's house without having to worry
like the dark scared you like just in
those 10 years really think about the
tremendous way that you transform and I
promise
10 years from now when you look back
you'll feel that same degree of change
when I think back to how I was at 31 oh
dear God so really taking that long-term
perspective I think will be very very
empowering
next question from Stacey Lee will you
be having impact our in Canada how are
the meat and what I think it should be
what are the meet and greets like around
how many okay these are a lot of
questions the second one by one will you
be having impact our in Canada yes we
have a chapter in Toronto perfect so
there'll be an impact of this meetup in
Toronto
once you guys hit a certain threshold
there'd be a certain number of people
that need to be coming to your events
before I will come just because it's
travel but once you have that threshold
I will come how are the meet and greets
what do they like the meet and greets
are amazing and they follow this rough
format when I show up they're different
when I'm not there if I show up it's
meet and greet you guys are getting to
know each other a couple people
inevitably will be kind enough to come
over to me and say hello and then at at
some point say maybe 30 minutes in 45
minutes in I will take center stage and
answer questions
and probably roughly an hour into that
I'll let people know that a I'm a selfie
junkie so come let's take selfies
because I know that people inevitably
will have to leave at different time so
come take a selfie if you want that
breaks up the QA the people that want to
then go back to spending time with each
other can do that the people that need
to leave can do that and then the people
that want to stay and ask more questions
I'll stay and answer questions until
there are no more questions no matter
how long that takes so that's the rough
format around how many people have been
attending so the one in London probably
had thirty five people the one here that
we did in LA was somewhere around 50 or
60 and it's gonna 65 you said so 65
people it'll vary depending on your
location and obviously over time the
goal would be that more and more people
will start coming what has been the most
memorable for you and the team at the
meet and greets I think we're all blown
away each and every time by that it's
real people with real dreams that are
trying to do something in the world that
come in person take time out of their
lives to even just say hello and it will
be our mission no matter how big we get
to never lose sight of that I did not
see whatever that was okay perfect so
that is amazing and if we ever lose
sight of that you have my permission to
I know if I say punch me in the face
someone will actually punch me in the
face so don't do that but you can tell
me in very stern words that you think
that we've lost sight of that I think
that that would be disgusting and so
gross I can't imagine but that really is
the thing that drives us all right next
question
oh god Jeff you told me how to pronounce
your name and I have already forgotten
but you did make clear that I brutalized
it so Jeff n is in the feed thank you
Jeff it's so good to see you again hey
Tom my question is if life is a game of
neuro chemistry why wouldn't you take
the blue pill if it existed if it gave
you the feelings of bliss what a [ __ ]
great question there's a second part so
don't move this one yet
so here's the answer if you want to take
the blue pill you
should take the blue pill and if the
blue pill makes you happy that is
absolutely the pill you should be taking
and when I say no judgment I mean no
judgment and I meet people with empathy
and compassion that decide that they
want to take the blue pill I've got no
hate for cypher until he starts trying
to kill people then I've got mad beef
but here's why I've taken the red pill
and why I call myself a filtering
mechanism so I'm looking only for people
that want to take the red pill and the
red pill is shorthand for it you wake up
in the real world and what does that
mean you wake up realizing that you can
do anything you set your mind to but
once you realize that how you spend your
time becomes a spiritual consideration
so that's why I say the very meaning of
life is to find out how many skills you
can acquire that have utility and then
put that utility to the test in service
of something larger than yourself so now
you become in service you're doing
things not just for yourself you do
things for yourself why not you present
but not just for yourself and you have a
bigger vision and you push yourself
every day to get better because you know
you can but at the end of the day the
game is neuro chemistry so if you are
fulfilled if you are content if you are
happy there's nothing else to do it's
just that I wasn't content or happy when
I felt like the world was happening to
me and I wasn't in control and I didn't
believe that I could do anything I set
my mind to my life was a [ __ ] misery
and so I the reason that the notion of
the red pill and the matrix was so
powerful for me was because it gave me
hope that I could do anything I set my
mind to that the real world was waking
up to the reality that I was in control
and then if I was willing to take
responsibility for everything in my life
that the reward for that was power all
right the next part of that question
could you expound on your feelings about
free will because I know before you've
said that to you it doesn't really
matter as long as you feel like you have
a sense control so here's the truth from
a neurological perspective a cognitive
perspective the research is pretty clear
the sense of being in control the sense
of having free will is fake cognitively
meaning that your subconscious makes a
decision long before your conscious mind
decides and since people think of
themselves as their conscious mind what
we traditionally think of it just isn't
real it's an illusion
but you'll notice I don't have much
interest at all in what is objectively
true because I find that people get
themselves into really negative
situations by believing things that they
think are objectively true and they're
really not I'm dumb I'm stupid I'm fat
I'm whatever I'm limited I can't do that
I'm I was meant for this whatever
there's only one person that could ever
love me all these things that are gonna
[ __ ] up your life because I've seen so
much danger in believing that there is
objective truth that I've just said okay
I don't care about objective truth I'm
gonna believe anything that moves me
towards my goals so that's become my
obsession is whether I'm dumb or not is
irrelevant to me I choose to believe
that I can learn anything whether there
are limits to human potential or not I
don't care I choose to believe that it's
limitless so that I won't ever stop
myself from trying so I think that all
of that is important so whether freewill
is real or not is totally irrelevant to
the way that you will experience the
world and totally irrelevant to how you
should be making decisions all right
next question is from rashida
Anka I invested a lot in myself in the
last years and now I find myself wanting
to do things differently than others
around me and being misunderstood and
criticized by them and when I try to
explain my decisions it comes it becomes
really difficult to express it in words
which makes me become defensive and
think secretly in my mind that they are
criticizing me because of their
ignorance I know this is not okay but
how can I change this okay
it starts with recognizing that just
because you feel a certain way doesn't
mean that you have to believe that
feeling so you've already got the
self-awareness to understand that
they're not necessarily criticizing you
that that's really your own mind kicking
up that belief so you need to believe
it's better to err on the side if
they're not criticizing me and I'm just
going to keep moving forward but that if
a critical notion pops into my head
whether it's me or it's them is their
merit to this and once you're no longer
valuing yourself and being right or
being smart you can tolerate a failure
in that failure is the opportunity to
learn to practice whatever and it's only
when people view themselves through the
lens of a moment not I can't stress this
enough so if I were to view myself
through the lens of any one moment even
right here in this like the number of
questions that I've already answered in
a way that disappointed me or earlier
when I got frustrated like any of those
moments like if I were to say that is me
then you wouldn't be looking one you
just get caught in that negative loop
and then you're not looking for how do I
practice how do i leverage this moment
to get better and that at the end of the
day is really really key you've got to
be able to realize that life is a
performances practice and then you can
get better at anything and whether
that's the emotional management of
understanding that whether or not people
are criticizing you shouldn't matter you
should be doing the things you believe
in the things that move you towards your
goals your goals should be yours and not
dictated by other people so once you
find that Center within yourself you've
won so that really is the goal is just
to keep coming back to that emotional
Center emotional center and remember
that outside people criticizing you
isn't nearly as difficult as the inside
voice and people's criticism only lands
when you believe it and so we just had
Preston smiles on here yesterday he has
a really cool concept he calls the blue
frog concept
he said if somebody calls you a blue
frog you're gonna brush it off because
it's so ridiculous and obvious to you
that you're not that it almost doesn't
register just seems kind of stupid it's
only when somebody criticized you for
something that you secretly believe
about yourself that it stings so when
you find that something is stinging
that's your subconscious telling you
this is where you should really be
focusing on and doing the work so if
you're feeling criticized you obviously
aren't sure of yourself yet you're not
convinced that you're either worthy or
good enough or capable of learning or
you're building yourself seem around
being right or whatever that fragile
thing is that you've built into your
belief system or your ego work on that
get that out all right next question is
from Angelica Morgan hey Tom when are
you going to release your book the plan
is somewhere between summer of 2018 and
fall of 2018 but very excited it is
actively being worked on next question
from Miss eternal wolf Missy Arnold wolf
nine years into my business guy
late start I'm 51 years young that's
awesome business is growing very fast
now after lots of work these last year's
best advice for growing leadership team
and knowing that even though it's my
vision everyone has their own opinions
how to balance that and keep everyone
moving towards the goal like you I'm a
great leader not a strong manager okay
so here