Kind: captions
Language: en
when you're passionate everybody cheers
you on they're stoked for you oh you
found your passion awesome follow your
passion live with passion
be passionate chase your passions
everything like passion passion passion
passion right when you're obsessed
they're like gonna be so crazy why can't
she be satisfied why do you always got
to get things so perfect why you spend
so much time yet when you're obsessed
people think you're nuts
I always tell you like if no one thinks
you're crazy you're not yet operating to
the outer limits of your potential
everybody welcome to impact Theory you
are here my friends because you believe
that human potential is nearly limitless
but you know that having potential is
not the same as actually doing something
with it so our goal with this show and
company is to introduce you to the
people and ideas that will help you
actually execute on your dreams all
right today's guest is widely recognized
as the world's leading high performance
coach his plethora of books have
dominated pretty much every bestseller
list there is New York Times Wall Street
Journal Amazon etc and he has
interviewed coached or trained an absurd
number of the most successful people on
the planet from fortune 50 CEOs to
athletes and celebrities like Usher and
Oprah he's the guy that people turn to
when they need a science and heart based
approach to breaking through a plateau
or entirely redefining what they believe
is possible he's one of the top 100 most
followed social influencers on Facebook
with over 10 million followers his
podcast the charge life debuted at
number one on iTunes and stayed in the
self-help top-ten for like a hundred
weeks more than 2 million students from
over 190 countries have taken his online
courses and his video series has been
seen over 100 million times but the
numbers and accolades only tell part of
the story what the digits failed to
capture is that at 19 he was not only
depressed he was actively planning his
suicide and ironically it was a near
fatal car crash that ended up saving his
life reborn to the possibilities he
spent his 20s formerly researching
psychology and leadership a process that
a
loud and to begin to really dissect and
truly understand the very building
blocks of greatness from that his High
Performance Institute was born and today
through his obsession with understanding
why some live unfulfilled lives and
others go on to be extraordinary he has
conducted what is almost certainly the
largest research project on high
performance to date so please help me in
welcoming the man whose experts academy
was ranked by Entrepreneur Magazine as
one of the five must attend events for
all entrepreneurs the author of
high-performance habits the human
energizer bunny himself Brendon Burchard
thank you and that was awesome
absolutely I got intimidate just listen
to that that's good yeah do you remember
how we first met like the very time we
actually met in person it was like
intercontinental Dallas Texas Success
Magazine they're doing an event like
2,000 people you know we're both
speaking there and I think I was going
to work out or something or I was coming
back one of the two yeah and then I run
into you which is like if you're going
to work out it's like you don't want to
run into like you know the rock like I
don't want to run into this guy means
you've got the pipes right out right now
the rock you like violently upset
somewhere yeah it's a very moment no
sorry no yeah so I was I ran into you
and it's like man it's cool cuz I hadn't
met you in person but I'd watch the show
yeah and so I'd seen you just slay it in
your interview style Wow very good
and just getting better and better and
better I mean cuz you know I both watch
for the same thing we want we want to
see excellence in our space and when we
see it we watch and we watch and we
watch and what you built here is
incredible but it was so cool to finally
actually meet you in person because you
never know what people's energy is like
like off-camera and that that's why I
was so surprised and our first meeting
left an indelible mark in me so
obviously I knew who you were I'd
watched a ton of your content and we're
probably no b.s like 30 yards away from
each other
minimum you come around the corner and
yeah and I was like I didn't even know
you knew who I was and it was so warm
and so enthusiastic
it is so infectious and so as I'm
reading the book high-performance habits
by the way you guys go out and get this
this book is awesome I'm gonna stamp
this one hard one because some of the
surprises we're gonna talk about because
you say a lot like it I know if you read
just the back at what the six habits are
you gonna be like why get these or you
really don't as you get into it some of
the surprises and things you can put in
your life are really really interesting
but seeing like how gracious and warm
and kind you were was really really
fascinating and then reading the book
hearing your notion of you generate the
energy if you want joy you create the
joy talk to us about that that was
something that really really struck me
yeah that piece comes from probably the
most powerful metaphor of my entire life
and that is the power plant doesn't have
energy it generates energy I've been
teaching that for like 15 years on stage
and one guy stands up one time he goes
actually you're wrong at my event you
know there's 2,000 people my bed he goes
well you're actually wrong I'm like oh
what am I wrong he says well a power
plant doesn't generate energy what it
does is it takes energy from one source
upgrades it so it transforms the energy
then stores and transmits it so it's
really transforming energy from one sort
of location or one type of energy to
another and I love that metaphor because
I felt like that's my job
you know so much of my life is helping
people reach another level of energy
because if you don't reach another level
energy you can't serve another level if
you don't reach another level of energy
you can't feel better be happy or be a
better spouse you know it's like
everyone says I want that next level but
they don't understand energy is the
requirement to get there and when we
measured energy in our studies it's
we're talking about really mental energy
emotional energy and physical energy and
it was a huge turning point in my life
when I started realizing these things
because you know that whole thing that
we as entrepreneurs we want to wait for
maybe one day I'll feel energized or
maybe one day I'll feel joy or maybe one
day I can have fun after you know all
the money's in the bank and you know you
got you got the house or the cars or the
money or
you know this stuff and then people go
on then I'm gonna be really a fun person
it's like no if you're not a fun person
when you're broke you're not going to be
that much more fun when you're rich and
I think that people have to learn to
bring the joy it's one of our loyal tag
lines on our shirts all right bring the
joy and that says you know you don't
have joy just like I don't think people
have happiness I don't think people have
sadness either I think that we are
generating the emotions and the feelings
that we experience in life and soon as
we own that responsibility life gets
really fun because now we can choose it
and I'll give you an example last night
I spoke to 12,000 people on stage here
in LA at the Convention Center and it
was terrifying because pit bull was
opening I'm backstage and I feel the
cortisol dropping I feel myself getting
tense you know pit bull talks for me
like 10 minutes and then he does a
four-song set whoa okay when he finished
his four song set I got to come and hit
the stage and do 90 minutes and I'm
backstage and the emotion of my life at
that moment is terror is is is stress
because do they have my video they don't
have the video the keynotes not working
all this other stuff is going on I mean
it was just like really intense but when
I hit that stage I'm responsible for my
emotion and my feelings you know
feelings come up to people so of course
I'm I'm I have anxiety in that moment
I'm kind of freaked out I have to in
that moment determine the feeling done
after and we talked about that in the
book is that we have to determine the
feeling that we are after and live into
that feeling not hope it lands on us and
that's when someone starts getting real
mastery in life because I knew I had hit
that stage and there couldn't be the
stress on me there couldn't be the
anxiety on me I had to bring joy a
delight a stage at level you know 10x
while this are the mechanisms of that so
and it's something that you cover very
well in the book is there's a process in
fact the book is high performing habits
right and yet you really go into the
habits the mechanisms the things you can
do say orchestrate into your life which
i think is really the core what makes
the book so powerful so in that moment
you're backstage what are you actually
doing yeah
first I'm closing my eyes and say where
is this emotion coming from and I
realized in my mind it's like oh it's
because I'm thinking I have to go follow
pitbull and that's where people fail in
life oh well my instagrams not like hers
or you know I'm not as famous as him you
know we have all these comparisons that
cause us cortisol or anxiety that shut
us down and then we stop performing our
best because we're trying to follow
somebody versus just go do our thing so
I identified that's oh that's where I'm
at okay what's that causing that's
causing that cortisol adrenaline that I
don't want right now so what do I need
to do in the fastest ways to get
yourself back is usually you know breath
and movement so he teaches program high
performance Academy it's like one of the
crowd favorites on day three usually we
have 2,000 people there and about 40% of
the audience is international so day
three their jetlag is just whooping them
right and I always predictable I know
exactly about but one in the afternoon
day three they did they start bonking so
I do this
breath scaling thing where I teach them
to breathe in through their nose I can
bring breathing in the ocean like in the
breathe out okay and that's kind of the
top level so we just start breathing
normal and they gets more and more and
more and more and more and more intense
until you're at the top it's literally I
sustain that like 60 seconds and what it
is it's like a hit up like oxygen you
know like like cocaine to the brain for
oxygen and what is also light-headed or
anything no cuz I've done it so much
right I don't I don't push myself to get
lightheaded I push myself to fully
oxygenate the body but what you do soon
as you do that and the most important
thing is for those who are gonna try
this at home you scale up to it then you
scale down to find your regular breath
again and you need to not be standing
there with your knees locked and if you
ever feel dizzy sit down so but I do
that and all of a sudden you feel an
incredible amount of energy in your body
your mind just goes super sharp and the
added benefit of that much oxygen box
intake lowers cortisol that's
interesting right we know from
meditative practices when deep breathe
we tend to lower cortisol or lower that
sense of anxiety even if we don't get
the full mechanism of the hormone
release then all of a sudden it's like
I'm in my zone I'm ready to go then I do
full body chi gong it's like a chi gong
a cupping activity in Qi Gong is
basically like you are you're padding up
one inch at a time in different parts of
your body like this all over so your
arms your legs your back nope what
that's doing is opening the meridians in
your body and now my body my mind is
open my body's fully ready to serve and
now it's like let's get it I'm excited
because now it's just like I identified
the source of the anxiety got rid of it
took care of the mechanism in the body
that was also making me feel like crap
and then it's then it's exciting I mean
people see me on this big stage and they
think oh or they see you and they think
oh well you must always be in the
perfect state or the perfect energy and
he's always gonna be great and that's
not true you know great athletes great
performers an executive walking an
important meeting you got to go deal
with your kid who's struggling with math
we walk into those situations we have to
set intention for what we want to do in
that situation and we have to release
tension and so the practices in high
performance habits that that was the
second big finding that we had was high
performers are generating the energy and
that means the mental emotional physical
energy that they feel is necessary to
serve with excellence in a certain
situation like they're so conscious of
it and I know that's common sense for
people but it's not always common
practice yeah you know it's like a lot
of people just wander into that
situation and I'm the guy says you know
what get more intentional release the
tension you have walk-in is your highest
self because that's something you'll
never regret for sure
now one thing I'm I found in the book
that really struck me and I think this
is where I really fell in love with the
book is the concept of necessity because
this is something I talked to people
about and specifically in the context of
obsession versus passion yeah and you
really went into it not because I you're
probably going to get some flat
I can push back on that one yeah but
what you said I was like that is the
absolute truth yeah so explain people
what's the difference between the two
what is the role of obsession what we
found it so in high performance habits
what we did like you mentioned that we
do the world's largest study of high
performers data from over 190 countries
from what essentially turns out to be
like people who are in that top 15% of
whatever they do and we found that there
was basically the personal habits and
social habits and then the personal
habits was you know like seek clarity
generate energy and that third one was
raised necessity which was something I
didn't even know really was a thing
psychologically as important as it
turned out to be and necessity is kind
of short for a performance necessity or
what we call psychological necessity
which means there is a moment in which
you are serving people or you're trying
to achieve your goal or your dream in
which now it is not a preference it's a
must right but to use better languaging
it's it becomes necessary for us to
excel in this like it's not a hope
anymore it's not it should do it it
becomes so necessary that it connects
with our identity that we feel it is
necessary for me to deliver with
excellence here because that is Who I am
it's necessary for me to deliver with
excellence here because somebody needs
me to do well it's necessary for me to
do well here because this topic this
thing I'm doing I'm passionate about
this I care about this I want to master
this I'm obsessed with this and it's
necessary for me to do well because of
the time it's it's a deadline or it's go
time or and when all those come together
that for that personal side of this is
my identity and obsessed about it and
that other side where it's like somebody
needs me and there is a real deadline
right in the middle
that's performance necessity and we when
we hit that the game changer game
changer but it is uncomfortable because
people don't want to exude that much
passion which it becomes obsession
because they're fearful of their
obsessions well if I'm obsessed about
this topic it's gonna take away from my
family from my time
it's gonna introduce a lot of you know
fear or unknown to me so they back off
but I tell people all the time there is
a difference between passion and
obsession and high performers have
obsession about the topic right they are
obsessed about the topic in which
they're trying to learn master grow into
and so that obsession is real and I tell
people the difference here's how you
know the difference between the two when
you're passionate everybody cheers you
want they're stoked for you oh you found
your passion awesome follow your passion
live with passion be passionate chase
your passions everything like passion
passion passion passion passion is good
like the words me like yeah it happens
right when you're obsessed they're like
why you gonna be so crazy why can't she
be satisfied why do you always got to
get things so perfect why you spend so
much time here when you're obsessed
people think you're nuts so it's
different and it's like I was tell you
if no one thinks you're crazy you're not
yet operating to the outer limits of
your potential you're not there yet
because somebody in your life should say
man you really care about this in like a
crazy way and when you get there you
know you found your thing and not ever
you're fine nobody finds that I think
that's also why it's scary some people
go well I'm passionate or I'm happy but
I don't really obsess about anything you
know most people obsess about you know
their shows on Netflix more than their
life I know people who obsess more about
their their you know thread count in
their sheets at their house than they do
about the impact of making in the world
why do you think people can slip into an
obsession over Netflix or whatever or
thread count but they don't do that for
something that could really change their
life feedback that simply says not what
I expected you to say what do you mean
by that because you know buying
something or getting pulled into Netflix
being obsessed about something that
gives you no feedback it's not scary a
real obsession like trying to make an
impact in the world you're getting
feedback you try to make a difference in
somebody's life they're gonna tell you
that doesn't resonate with me Brendon
you try to make a difference in a
non-profit
you try to change the world you try to
start something like this and the views
come or they don't come there's three
back and people are terrified as one of
the four central fears we all have is
rejection we're terrified like to be
rejected and think about if you really
want to make an impact you're going to
get a lot of judgment you're gonna get a
lot of hate and ultimately gonna get
rejection people are gonna like just dis
Sonia people are gonna say that's not
good enough you're gonna say who do you
think you are and people are so worried
about that that they stop and so it's
easier things that don't give you
feedback watching Netflix don't give you
no feedback it's easy there's more
disappointment there even if you don't
like the show what do you do just go to
the next show there's no there's no
disappointment there you know I think
trying to make an impact there's a lot
of disappointment and fear and potential
for rejection so people don't get
obsessed about making a difference in
making an impact because it can hurt go
deep on identity so you've talked about
how one of the scariest things about an
obsession is the way that you tie it to
your identity high performers do that
they put themselves at risk they say
like your own story I'm I am a writer
and the day that you decided you were
going to own that you said that that
comes with a risk one explaining people
what that risk is yeah and then how did
you overcome it and how can other people
do that yeah well imagine like last
night I'm going on the stage right if I
if my identity says I am a public
speaker and it is important for me to be
excellent at this and then I go on stage
and I bomb what does that say about me
as a person so we've got about 50 years
of work in psychology the field of
psychology saying do not tie your
efforts to your identity because that
risk of disappointment or rejection you
know if the task fails you shouldn't
take that is as a defining moment in
which you say I am a failure right so
that's the risk and that's what you know
psychologists tell us to be wary of
except it turns out that high performers
flipped out on its face and go well
actually no I do get bothered if it
fails I really get upset about it I am
attached to the process here I I do care
if it turns out well I mean that's why
they obsess about the details that's why
they care about excellence
like no one obsess about the details of
cares about excellence unless it means
something to them and there is the risk
the risk is you over attach to the
process of the outcome with your
identity so that if the process your
outcome goes bad and now you feel bad
about yourself as a human and now you
stop your progress but I also tell
people there's a balance there I
actually wish more people would attach
some identity to what they're doing they
wouldn't go through the motions as much
I mean I think what the world needs less
of is half interested parents who don't
have an identity that says you know what
I'm gonna be an excellent parent I think
we have a lot of CEOs or business boat
people or entrepreneurs who they've
never stepped in and said you know what
I'm a CEO I own this business I am
responsible for paying the bills I am
responsible for making the money I'm
responsible for all these people's
mortgages who work for me like they I
want them to own the identity of a CEO
because most of them if you're asking
about the identity and their business
they're kind of like you come to find
the kind of approaching it like not even
hobbyists it's like if you want to win
your identity has to be tied in to that
thing in which you are trying to succeed
at and give to and that takes a lot of
guts to put yourself all in for
something but who's ever contributed
something with tremendous impact without
being all into it I've never seen it so
I think the message of the book you're
right I'll get some flack I'm super sum
of a lot of psychologists they don't
don't tell people to tie more of their
identity or my friends who are Buddhists
to say but attachment is the form of all
suffering Brendon have you not read your
spiritual texts look out calm down I've
hung out with a Dalai Lama
I'm totally cool but what I'm trying to
tell you is even the Dalai Lama has a
connection with himself as a spiritual
leader his identity is still there that
people you know assume that you know we
have to release ourselves from having
any attachment to something but I'm like
I think we all want to be present and
engaged fully
in the things that we are doing in our
lives and that's gonna require us to say
psychologically you know what I I am all
in this that's what I'm about what I
loved in the book is you're you were
open on the journey of writing it took
about three years if I'm not mistaken so
doing all the research you've collected
however many millions of people that are
in your ecosystem and then you start
systematically actually researching the
data and you can feel that in the book
that you were open to being surprised
you were open to changing your thinking
you talked about going through and
trying to find disconfirming evidence
and not just wanting to be in a vacuum
and and some of the surprises in the
book were really really great and in
that whole concept of obsession I'd love
to because it felt so real
you tell your followers one you have to
take ownership right so you give a great
example about you're in a relationship
with somebody you whatever energy you
guys are creating you're creating that
like don't think that it's just
objectively them like you guys are doing
it together and I love that love that in
the talk about how obsession can be
useful because so I'm like that's really
important to me and I want people to
understand if you want to achieve at the
highest level you're gonna have to tap
into obsession period yeah and you put a
quote in the book that I think sums it
up perfectly which goes like this and by
the way that the quotes people choose
for books reveal so much and I just kept
taking one after another algorithm out
of your book this is from Einstein only
one who devotes himself to a cause with
his whole strength and soul can be a
true master for this reason mastery
demands all of a person yeah I love that
all in you you have to be all-in and is
the hardest thing to do because if it
fails then you can feel like a failure
you know I think of this idea of
performance necessity to stories kind of
come to mind one is I was working with
an Olympic gold medal a sprinter and
we're in the tunnel and we're going out
and he's talking about the competition
and we get out to the blocks and I said
he was really worried about the
competition I said well how do you even
gaze I
who's gonna win hmm you know in in his
particular race people are winning but
by you know one one hundredths of a
second tenths of seconds I mean these
are really close sprints and I said well
how do you know I said who would you
even bet on and he says you know I would
bet on the guy who gets down at the
blocks gets himself settled looks at the
finish line then says I got to do this
for my mom and I was like oh that's good
his performance necessity in that is
it's necessary for him to win that race
for his mom I think of you know when I
started my career and I I really decided
to go all-in with riding and online
training this is like mm probably six
I'd gone broke completely bankrupt and
failed
I left my corporate job I had this cushy
kind of corporate job as a consultant
good job
left it to right and I didn't know how
to make it as a writer I want to do
seminars workshops didn't know how to do
that so I was pretty much a hot mess ran
out of money I got nothing to my name
nothing kind of no positive prospects no
one's calling me except the guys who
want the money and one night I'm writing
and the department's was small on the
bed I had you know what my bills my
vision boards all my research on my
journals like the bed was basically the
desk the extended desk and my lady comes
in Denise and she walks past me but she
sees I'm like trying to write so it
doesn't want to sturb me Sukkos crawls
under the covers of the bed and I'm just
typing kind of casually typing away and
I look over and I see my woman sleeping
under my bills and it was just like
you know because none of us want to see
our you know our family suffer because
we are not performing and I was just
like I gotta figure this out and I'm
telling you I wrote more that night than
any night in my entire life next day I
wrote more than ever that birds life
just golden ticket which came a
best-seller and in you know 18 months
later because I was like I'm gonna
figure out this online thing I mean for
out marketing I'm gonna figure out how
to teach I'm gonna go out of train and
get paid for it because I've never
really been paid for those things I said
I'm gonna figure out this industry and
I'm gonna make it 18 months later after
her crawling under the bills I made four
point six million dollars online total
transformation people like how did you
do it and like she gave me and she was
my necessity I was not going to let my
woman be in that situation and she
believed in me she supported me if she
she married me and you know but that was
since she was my drive and the second
part was I went all in with my identity
I said I am going to be a great writer
and I am going to be one of the greatest
online trainers I ever was you know as
you said an intro now we've graduated
over two million people have taken our
online courses video series that I don't
think would have happened if I hadn't
had the guts and maybe the no other
choice
to say this is who I'm going to be and
I'm gonna build into that and that it's
necessary for me to become that person
so let's go that's amazing
talk to me about that building into
process this is so you did a video about
how to come back from being dead broke
and it was so fundamental and real and
drew I loved it I was like you're not
trying to hype anybody up in fact you
were telling them you're gonna hate this
video I'm gonna tell you what to do it's
actually gonna work you're gonna hate it
and that's when I was like alright this
guy's not [ __ ] around like your
advice is really real so the concept of
building in the concept of
and I love this you can't imagine how
much I agree with you on this that it's
not just about doing what comes
naturally yeah so what is it about yeah
oh my gosh I'm glad you relate with me
because I'm getting a lot of flack on
that so the the big huge finding that
really scratches the surface of a lot of
like cultural assumptions especially in
high performance is this big cultural
conversation you have about strengths
and you know find your strengths follow
your strengths the strengths are
everything and you know take the
strengths finder figure out your top
five strengths follow those don't do
anything else or you know at least know
what they are and really aim your career
to that or aim your behavior towards
that or you know use that as a guide for
recognizing pattern and by the way I'm
all for that that's all great I'm that
guy who says you know any
self-reflection you do I'm cheering you
on like any assessment any tool that
makes you look at with inside I'm like
all for it it's just that strengths are
not highly correlated with long-term
success right there's not a lot of data
and there is not a lot of research that
has shown it leads to long-term success
with the positive outcomes associated
with what we care about in psychology
which is we care about happiness we care
about health and care about your
positive relationships and this myth
that would just follow our strengths to
you know to the promised land is just
not true when you actually talk with
high performers because my favorite
question then if it was down this just
go up to anyone who's good and say were
you always good at that and then be like
no thank me like not at all well did you
always have an inclination to do every
element of doing what you're doing
really well no like me man I sucked on
stage this year I've talked to 60,000
people live this is really important
because this idea that we're just our
strengths are gonna give us everything
it's just it's just not true I sucked
speaking on stage matter fact I was
terrified of it terrified but one reason
I love your show is because I had that
intention of I want to make an impact
and when someone actually asked and and
kind of owns that like when they say do
I want to make an impact and the answer
is yes and they
they realized they're gonna have to
develop they can no longer leave their
growth to mediate you know to to to
randomness because if they do they'll
always be mediocre and they realize I
got to become something entirely above
both of those that's what most people
don't see they're like it's we've made
this binary false conversation right
it's a it's it's not a true sort of
choice here it's a false dichotomy we
call it right it's not strengths or
weaknesses many of you if you have a big
dream a huge goal you got to become
something entirely above and beyond any
strengths you even know about feel or
own and go way beyond any weaknesses
you've ever even addressed or even you
know about cuz you're gonna discover so
many new strengths and so many new
weaknesses on the path that it's almost
irrelevant what they are now it's what's
the goal and build into that you know I
didn't know how to write I get a lot of
critics who are like literary guys about
my books because every book is different
right six books all of them different
and the reason they all read differently
is I am challenging myself as a writer
to develop to get better every book I
write I'm gonna write this like nothing
I've ever written before and I go to
work at building a new skill set to be
able to write like manifesto I
researched for two and a half years just
how to write it Wow not what to write
how how do I get that pentameter how do
i what was the rhythm in which
revolutionist rhetoric was spoken in or
written in just to understand that took
me two and a half years so I have no
conceptual understanding of it
it wasn't a strength I didn't even it
wasn't on my radar and what does that
process of skill acquisition look like
yeah it first and foremost starts with
identifying I would even start with the
skill I would start with the self you
know in the chapter on seeking clarity
we say it's like what we found for a
high performers they've identified these
four things they're they're more
intentional these four areas number one
is high performers or consistently
seeking clarity who do I want to be and
I know a lot of people do that when they
turn 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 or 70
and people do that at new years but high
performers are doing that like in every
situation like before I when I walked
down the stairs I was like who do I want
to be in this interview right now with
my friend Tom like I want to do a good
job for him you know I made that
performance necessity on myself like I
want to do a good job so I was like oh I
want to be present
I don't be enthusiastic I want to be
bold like I want to be those things high
performers are constantly seeking
clarity about how they want to interact
with other people and I think a big
development and growth point for people
is determining how do I really want to
treat people when they don't agree with
me or when they're hating on me or when
that are scouting me or they're being
mean to me or we're in a fight because I
think some of those are the greatest
growth areas of our life and then high
performers are very clear about the
critical skills they must develop in
order to succeed in their space you know
they identify usually we found they
usually know three to five current
skills they're working on so another
example for me was video I was very
awkward and uncomfortable for the video
right yeah right but you said okay if
I'm gonna make an impact I'd better
figure that out you know I better figure
that out and so you go to work you put
in the miles you you try because
learning is the ultimate lever to
leveling up right actually have a math
equation if I may which is where you're
headed
but I loved this equation so much
passion plus growth plus contribution
equals personal satisfaction yeah yeah
it's like those all coming together a
lot of people have never experienced and
it's hard for you and I'd say that's
person development guys but it's true
there's a lot of people who've never had
those three completely lined up so
they're not satisfied even with their
job or the career or their life because
the passion isn't there even if the
passions are they don't feel like
they're growing but everybody I talked
to do you remember that first personal
Vallon buck you read do me that first
time you wrote tons of notes about what
you wanted your life to be about do you
remember that first time you watch the
movie inspired you to go change there
fire there because that learning it
opened up your mind to a new level of
existence for you and soon as you saw it
you were like ooh and bishan hit your
heart and now if you can match it with
contribution and you can see how that
passion or that fire or that learning or
that growth all aligns to some type of
impact now you're getting me fired up
because now I can see the outcome of all
the work a lot of people don't do the
work because they don't believe the
outcome that's interesting you know if
in psychologists talk about the power of
expectancy when we talk about motivation
there's only two things that spark
motivation one is ambition and that is I
want more of or I want a greater depth
of right
I want a greater depth of connection
with my lady
that's ambition where I wanted a better
meditative practice that's ambition all
right I'm gonna be better at my job
that's a mission so it starts with
ambition but ambition if it's not
coupled with what they call expectancy
in psychology you're screwed expectancy
says I believe that I can figure that
out I believe that I can achieve that I
believe that that is possible for me
because if we don't believe it's
possible for me you can show them all
the results from a thousand people right
how many people say I want to get in
great shape
you know I'm Tom I'm a newt ketosis I'm
doing the ketosis thing man and they hop
on your Instagram and butt and they see
and they see the cuts they see the
changes they see the transformations but
they don't believe it's possible for
them so they don't try expectancy is
their problem
you gotta bust through the beliefs to
get them to understand and it is
possible for them not for other people
for them and if you can open that gate
for somebody and often that's only
achieved through learning then you get
somebody who starts really moving ahead
forward I mean really moving ahead like
the second to go
wait that's possible for me they'll try
50 stupid things right they'll try
anything
but if they don't lease possible to them
they'll just quit do you have within
this context well obviously seek help is
first and foremost yeah but beyond that
what what does that
rebuilding process look like for
somebody who's trapped in depression and
suicidal thoughts yeah I've been there a
lot in my life especially before my car
accident in my teenage years then the
first woman I ever loved
we had a big breakup and that breakup
sent me down in depression and suicidal
planning and it's tough to dispense
advice to people other than get help and
I'll share why because that time in my
life I had so many people coming up to
me you know my friends would come into
my dorm room I think let's go do
something and you just they're just the
hope is lost and what people I think
makes the mistake of trying to do is
hype people up everything's gonna be
okay you can be great and what people
need who are suicidal is serious
psychological intervention they need to
seek support and help and outside of
that when they do get that support the
first thing a great therapist is going
to do outside of the emotional
reflection work of why are you here and
what has caused this sort of pattern for
you they're going to get you starting to
get some momentum the most important
thing is when you are super down outside
of finding that emotional reasoning for
where you are is to start getting
momentum because with momentum comes
hope with momentum because motivation
with momentum comes you know that
feeling that there's a reason for
tomorrow and so it's as simple as just
saying okay what are three things I'm
going to do today and I don't mean that
like a lot of personal development guys
would say like well you're three big
goals for the day I'm like dude
sometimes that first goal is Shh I'm
gonna shower today I'm really in shower
today I'm gonna walk to the library I'm
gonna come home and that's all I got
like literally that's all they got and
you got to honor that struggle when
you're in that place like know that
where you're at it is okay that you're
there and now you're going to need help
and now you're gonna have to set up some
day
practices just everyday win a little bit
not like when your dreams not like crush
new goals not like be badass not like no
just momentum man you know most of the
guys I've dealt with in that position
who were suicidal outside of their
therapeutic work I said the most
important thing you can do is win the
morning just win the morning man I think
that's true for all of us even high
performers like I don't have my morning
routine game I feel you know out of
sorts so I think it's true for everybody
you gotta own your morning you got to
win it because that starts and sets up
everything else I know you you believe
that as well like people need that
discipline those routines that will help
the rest of their day go better and I
don't want to ever be flippant with the
advice to people who are dealing with
that situation outside of get some help
get some momentum and be okay if that
momentum is really small because it will
build to trust it that momentum builds
and trust those gloomy and bad dark days
trust that those are going to be there
they'll get less and less and less as
you learn how to cope but they're going
to be there and so when they're there
it's one that might I mean outside of
teaching people to bring the joy in my
life I teach people honor the struggle
honor the difficulty when we honor the
struggle and said I hate the struggle we
can really achieve extraordinary things
because our mind sets in the right place
it except like soon as you honor a
struggle you accept that oh of course
there should be struggle here I should I
should honor this process when you go to
the gym to workout you like honor that
this is going to be hard and it honor
that process of getting better and the
more that you bring honor to it the more
your psyche builds with strength and you
get a little bit of that esteem back
because you see yourself engaging
something versus avoiding it and running
away you see yourself connecting with
something and giving it reverence like
like I have reverence for the
difficulties of life they may be better
so I don't want a friction free life not
interested in you know the the I like to
say sometimes it you know the journey to
greatness begins the moment that
are you know deep desires for comfort
and ease our over powered by our desires
to connect and contribute no working
these guys find you online before I ask
my final question just you know what
Brendan calm be REM do n calm I saw I
remember seeing this way back Oprah had
Oprah calm and I thought how cool would
be to have your name calm now I sought
this kid out so I went to Brendan calm
and this guy he had his resume up there
and that's all he had was a resume so I
emailed the guy and I'm like hey man I
really loved to own this website could I
buy it for me he was knows my name dang
it
and he says no you know I got my mom
she's got you know an email we have an
email associated the domain always stuff
I said alright every so I said it my
calendar every six months for six years
oh my counter would go off and I'd email
him again email him again email me again
you know it took six years and was sixth
year he said you know what yeah I'd be
interesting that conversation sold it so
I got Brendon calm I'm really happy
about that really thrilled that stupid
story but I was like yes determination
so Brendon calm follow me on instagram
at brenda shard
check out my youtube channel because i
think anything you're going through in
your life you can hit my youtube channel
and there's you know a hundred plus
videos of something nice yeah alright
last question what is the impact that
you want to have on the world
oh it is hard one you know it's so
simple like when you get the life is
really short and you felt that before
but either by you were threatened or
you've had some near deer near and dear
died but when you have that real essence
in you that says life is short have
reverence for it live it that's a really
big thing i got that at 19 and i learned
specifically
that if we have a moment of cognition
before the end of our life we tend to
ask questions to evaluate if we're happy
so if I have any impact in the world
it's gonna come from that experience
where I learned that the ultimate lesson
is determine what the questions you're
going to ask at the end of your life are
going to be find out those questions
what will you ask at the end of your
life to evaluate your life so that you
would know if you were happy with your
life like figure out those questions and
then live each day intentionally so
you're happy with the answers at the end
for me the answers are the questions I
had were did I live which I hadn't been
living my life I've been thinking about
taking my life did I love no my heart
was broken and I put up all these walls
to keep out other people and I always
say you know sometimes the walls we put
up to keep out the bad guys prevent the
good guys from getting in and suddenly
in our own self-protection we block out
the very thing we want which is
connection and I learned that I would
ask did I matter you know 22 years ago
on a dark Caribbean night I'm standing
on the crumpled hood of a car bleeding
out my friend I just wrecked the car
he's screaming at the top of his lungs
he's bleeding we don't forget to live
and I'm standing on the hood this car
looking down all this blood and I'm in
terror and I just remember looking down
the hood and just thinking did I even
matter
you know and I hated the answer at that
time life because I'm 19 year old kid I
didn't know about impact theory for real
I didn't know to think about that you
did something you know young kids
sometimes they don't know to think about
that I didn't know to think about legacy
meaning did I matter I didn't think I
did but the good news is I'm a good
learner and I felt like I got a second
chance from God that night and I learned
that it was really important for me to
figure out how do I live and how do I
love and how do i matter in such a way
that if I face my death again
I'll know I've earned the second chance
and so what I want to tell people and
the impact I want is I just want people
no no your questions man live
intentionally and earn the life that
you've been given because this moment is
a blessing
so earn this moment and live initially
thank you so much thank you thank you I
pretty sure this is somebody you were
gonna want to read this book what I love
about it it is literally an instruction
manual on what to do so he goes into the
research all of this stuff is backed up
by what he's been studying for
essentially 20 years they go hardcore
for three years compiling the data it is
insanely usable information and it's
real at times counterintuitive at times
exactly what you expect but backed up
then with the following steps you're
gonna want to take like you said they
use stories and things to really draw
you in I just literally from top to
bottom I was amazed but the best part
when you see the way that this guy lives
his life on camera and off camera it's
all an echo of the stuff that you see in
the book so you have one shining amazing
incredible example of what this looks
like when it's taken to the extremes and
if you didn't hear that the man went
from dead broke in bankruptcy to
multi-millionaire in 18 months by making
things a necessity if you take nothing
else out of this episode necessity you
don't get what you want you get what you
need certainly smarter men than I have
said that but that is true you're not
gonna get what you want in life once you
make it a burning crushing need the
thing that you must have happen then it
will happen and he walks you through
that the steps that you follow and many
many other things guys so dive in and
like you said check out his YouTube page
it is extraordinary all right if you
haven't already be sure to subscribe and
until next time my friends be legendary
take care
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