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Language: en
everybody welcome to the 2017 impact
Theory clip extravaganza I'm very
excited about this episode it is some of
the best advice from the amazing guests
that we've had on this year and I'm
eternally grateful to the amazing people
that have shared all of this wisdom so
sit back lock in get ready to take some
notes because this stuff is guaranteed
to help you level up in 2018 just
remember it is all about taking action
so get ready here comes some of the best
advice you're ever gonna hear David
Goggins what would your advice be to
that 16 year old kid who's staring in
the mirror does not like what he sees
but is still running from adversity well
my biggest advice to him is that first
of all he won't like what I say to him
and I'm gonna say the exact opposite of
what the world today's world is saying
so we read a bunch of books nowadays as
humans we we want to find out how to be
someone else what we don't do is we
don't go inside so literally turn
yourself inside out read the book that
says like we're writing a book every day
of our lives
but we never read that book so what I
would challenge this young man or young
women to do is you have to look inside
of yourself to see what you really want
what are you passionate about we use
these words and these little phrases of
only the strong survive and also the
crap they're all just [ __ ] words I
get so tired of hearing people just
talking that right now someone may think
Dogma is just talking you don't know me
so when I speak I speak from Pasha I
speak from experience I speak from
suffering I want to tell this young man
and woman that the only way I believe
and this is just my experience in life
the only way you're ever going to get to
the other side of this journey is you
have got to suffer to grow to grow you
must suffer and some people will get it
and some people won't but they have to
see what their journey is to start their
journey several people live to be a
hundred years old and they have great
lives and they have great kids the kids
go to college and all sort of stuff
but somewhere in their life there was a
point where they had a decision to make
they can go left or right on this path
left was the easy route right was a hard
route a lot of people take the easy
route and they had a good life that way
but the better life was going to the
right side and you may have twenty years
of pain and suffering to get past it but
a lot of us died never truly starting
our journey and I would tell this young
person you got to start your journey it
may suck but it will it will come out
the other side where you're coasting Mel
Robbins in the scheme of life hitting
the snooze button is not that big of a
deal but here's the thing about life
none of us wake up and say today is the
day I destroy my life what we do is we
kind of check out because it feels
overwhelming or we check out because
we're afraid or we check out because we
start listening to self-doubt and then
we make these teeny tiny decisions all
day long we don't even realize it
decision to not get up on time a
decision to not eat the right thing a
decision to snap at your kids a decision
to not speak in a meeting a decision to
not look for a job a decision to not
deal with your finances a decision to
not call your parents all day long these
tiny decisions that take you so far off
track and then you wake up like I didn't
and you you look at your life and you
think how the hell did I get here
and more importantly how do I get back
over there and you have no idea and so I
was so trapped and I know from your
story you felt the same way like you
knew that there was more in store for
you but you couldn't figure out how you
close that gap how do you find the power
that's in you how do you discover your
greatness how do you solve these
problems it feels so overwhelming when
you can't I mean I would go to the
grocery store and and the items would
scan and I would be sitting there
readying my excuse because there was no
way that my check card was gonna clear
so what I got in the struggle with
myself
a lot of us find ourselves in and that
is you get trapped in what I call the
knowledge action gap you know what to do
but you can't seem to make yourself do
it
you ever had one of those nights
probably before you started your company
but it where you go in bed and you're
like alright Tom that's it
tomorrow it's the new me tomorrow
tomorrow I'm gonna get up on time I am
gonna go to the gym I am gonna look for
a job I'm not gonna drink so much it's
gonna be amazing the new me the future
me Wow let's do this right then you go
to bed and you wake up seven hours later
and you're like I don't know I mean it's
the only who that's a stupid at seat
motivations garbage it's never there
when you need it ever ever ever ever and
so here's what happened to me and thank
you for wearing the NASA t-shirt it's a
really stupid story it's a powerful
story so one night Chris had gone to bed
I had been struggling struggling
struggling we still had all the same
problems I we stalled a lien on the
house still facing bankruptcy still
fighting like crazy I was still
unemployed
he still they still hadn't figured out
like the solution yet for the business
and I was about to turn off the TV and
there on the the TV there was this
rocket launching and I thought oh my
gosh I am gonna launch myself out of bed
like a rocket ship like NASA right here
had launched me out of that bed and I'm
gonna move so fast that I don't think
hmm I'm gonna beat my brain now here's a
really interesting point I talk a lot
about your instincts and inner wisdom
and we can get into this a little bit
later but a lot of us talk about the
fact that you have a gut feeling but
what all this research that I've done
for the book and and all the speaking
that I do what I've discovered that's
fascinating is actually when you set
goals when you have an intention on
something that you want to change about
your life your brain helps you what it
does is it opens up a checklist
and then your brain goes to work trying
to remind you yeah of that intention
that you said and it's really important
to develop the skill and I say that word
purposefully the skill of knowing how to
hear that inner wisdom and that
intention kicking in and leaning into it
quickly so for me my brain saying that's
it right there move as fast as a rocket
Mel I wanted to change my life and I
think most people that are miserable or
that are that are really like dying to
be great and dying to have more we want
to change we want to live a better life
we want to create more for our families
we want to be happier the the desire is
there again it's about how do you go
from knowledge to actions so the first
thing in the story that's important is
realizing that the answer was in me and
my mind was telling me pay attention I
could have also been the Bourbon anyway
the next morning the alarm goes off and
I pretended NASA was there it's a
stupidest story I literally went five
four three two one I counted out loud
and then I stood up and I'll never
forget standing there in my bedroom it
was dark it was cold it was winter in
Boston and for the first time in three
months I had beaten my habit of hitting
the snooze button Naveen Jane
what do you think is the most important
trait that an entrepreneur could have
the most important trait you can have in
your children and yourself is to have
intellectual curiosity I thought you'd
say that that's so powerful like
listening to you talk about this I'm
like mad because you find this stuff
interesting you're willing to like go
out there and learn and learn and learn
and learn and that's like interesting
when it's your uncle and he knows a lot
of weird facts about stuff but it's
really interesting when it's somebody
that's built these massive companies
around things that he knew nothing about
right before he gets into the company so
intellectual curiosity is what makes us
who we are the day we stopped being
intellectually curious is the day we die
and then we become zombies and you know
so many zombies in this world they have
absolutely no interest in anything else
so you've made a great analogy in the
past which is don't worry about whether
or not when you lead the horse to water
it will drink focus on making the horse
thirsty yes I know there's a lot of
parents watching this how do you make
your kids especially like thirsty for
knowledge and I think that's really
interesting is that you know most
parents and the teachers think their job
is to you know take them to the water
and then hoping and pursuing them to
hopefully they can drink the water our
job as a parent should be is to make
them thirsty and never take them to the
water because once you make them thirsty
they will find the water and the way you
make them thirsty is by allowing them to
be intellectually curious the minute you
start to teach them how much fun it is
to learn about something to be able to
go out and do something with it and if
you can start to show them that it is
not the money that drives the society or
it who they are so this is a couple of
things I can tell you about and our
children as you know we have three
wonderful children and one of the things
we taught our children is there is no
amount of money the success can never be
about the amount of money you have in
the bank it is about how many people's
lives have you been able to touch and at
the same time is your self-worth is
never about what you own yourself what
comes from what you create
and there are lots of people in Middle
East who may be stinking rich
but as far I'm concerned they're
worthless and useless because they
haven't created anything right and the
third thing to remember is the only way
for you to know when you become
successful is when you become humble
because if you still have arrogance left
in you then you're always trying to
prove something to someone or yourself
and our president is a great example
that someone who will never be
successful because he's trying to prove
he's trying to prove always telling me
you know how much money I have you know
how smart I am you know how big my hand
is why do you think people like buy into
that like people the young entrepreneurs
especially and just like a lot of young
people like they are they are drawn like
a moth to the flame around people's
wealth right like people love to
showcase your money and they would love
to show all your toys and all of that
stuff like what is it that keeps
bringing people back to that so I think
it is just a flashy thing it's instant
gratification that the money brings them
is what they're attracted to and you
realize that anything that generally
brings the instant gratification is
probably the wrong thing to do in the
long term right so I would say that if
you think about happiness you will find
that most people who have tremendous
wealth really have the happiness where
we really have the happiness right I've
been chasing money because they are
choosing you know choosing money so to
me you know making money is like having
an orgasm if you focus on it you'll
never get it so you have to let it
happen just enjoy the process like that
why what is it like I hear that a lot
about wealthy people really struggling
to find happiness these no amount of
material thing that can bring you
happiness even if you buy whatever the
thing today is the latest thing some
money somebody has more than that and if
you constantly think having the latest
thing is gonna make you happy you're
always being happy because someone has
the later things right and the day the
minute you buy something guess what
happens it no longer matters right and
you always keep
choosing the next thing and the next
thing and you keep collecting the twice
and I think to some extent happiness
comes from being satisfied with what you
have at the same time driving to use
what you have where there is a skills or
financial resources to go out and do
tremendous good in the world and always
know that when you are going to go out
and solve the problem that helps a
billion people you in the meantime be
creating a ten billion dollar business
that's gonna give you even more
resources to solve even more audacious
problems Jason made did you ever meet
Tim Grover I did yeah what's up so Tim
in his book relentless and I've had a
very good fortune of meeting him and
interviewing him and he he was the first
person that really talked about the
darkness like when I so I've seen so
much footage on you you can't imagine
and you are so upbeat and positive and
bright and sunny and when you're with
your family oh my god like it just
literally it pours out of you but
there's like you're so driven do you
have like a foot in like the darkness do
you know like how to balance like how
does that work for you yeah I mean you
know actually you have to have both so
if there's extreme darkness there has to
be extreme like its duality to
everything so I just tend to bias
towards what I want to see in the world
more you know what I want to see more
which is joyfulness which is being
present which is being you know thankful
and so that's what drives me it's the
things people told me I couldn't become
it's the the negative circumstances that
I come from I don't let that let me
limit me at all that's my catalyst
because I look at it like okay why not
me I've already overcome this why can't
I gonna start a company why can't I
build something that's meaningful why
can't I create this new paradigm shift
in the way we look at the world as big
giant superhero training facility
because if I looked at it the other way
and started to take you know the count
of okay well I can't do this because of
where I come from I can't do this
because of how I look I can't do this I
wouldn't start anything
everybody will wake up each day doing
subtraction I look at my life as
addition you know wake up and say what
can I do today to add to my skill set
what can I do today to add to someone
else's joy what can I do today to serve
someone else so
you keep a mindset of service your
problems in that darkness become smaller
because you're not gonna focus on your
own insecurities your own problems
you're gonna figure out a way to amplify
someone else's experience so I go
through life looking you know looking at
people as an opportunity for me to serve
because while I'm waiting on my bless
they're not gonna be a blessing and
that's how I kind of balance that when
you focus solely on your darkness
everything becomes about you you become
selfish and you could be driven to a
point where it becomes toxic and that's
why you see some people implode once
they get to where they're going because
they look up and no one around them
really wants them there for me I have
this mentality that if everyone around
me is fed then no one is starving that I
don't have to worry about people being
villainous or hungry and trying to take
for me so the way our feed is through
time through joyfulness through good
energy because sometimes all you need to
do is tell the person that they matter
and show up that's the greatest gift is
to acknowledge people in the world
that's so busy and so hurried to slow
down and be present and to acknowledge a
person's existence is to me how you
balance out the darkness with the light
when you're driven I love that I think
that's amazing and as somebody that
ascended so rapidly through Nike like it
to move through a traditional culture
like that in a way that's positive is is
pretty spectacular do you think that was
part of why you were able to move so
quickly because people wanted you to win
um no quite the opposite quite the
opposite no no no and I you know I never
saw people want me to win you know just
like anybody man I've had my setbacks
and corporate setbacks in life you know
my strategy is very simple I'm very
honest with myself so I figure out the
ways people can tell me no and then I
take that no off the table so the last
thing they can say to me is a yes and
what I mean by eliminating the way
people can tell you know is taking an
inventory of your weaknesses taking an
inventory of your gaps in your offense
or your defense your skill set your
mindset finding someone to learn from or
going and put yourself through a class
to learn it so I knew when I got to Nike
that I was very good at drawing drawing
and designing are two different things I
can draw anything but designing
something is very different it's a
process it's it's its strategic it's
intentional was driven through research
and empathy and I didn't have that skill
set so I went and I found people that
did and I learned from but then when I
learned from them I added my layer to it
which was naired
that was my core differentiated I said
everybody else can do that well I tell
stories really really well so I'm gonna
double down on being known for this one
thing and I'm gonna go and ask for help
from other people the second thing I did
is I didn't focus heavily on building
deeper relationships in my discipline I
went to parts of the company where they
normally didn't see designers so I spend
time in supply chain and Finance and
inventory management and compliance and
legal and I asked them how did their job
impact my job so I'll humble myself
because I knew even though I draw this
picture somebody had to have the budget
somebody had to get this thing produced
someone was making sure is shipped and
got through customs how did my job
impact areas and vice versa in doing
that my name was now in rooms of really
big decision makers that had never would
have interface with me had I only
focused on being cool with the cool kids
and so you know my strategies is very
it's methodical it's almost like I look
at life like chess I'm thinking five
steps out and in order to do that I have
to be honest what what I'm not good at
and I learned that from Michael he
always would say turn your weakness into
your strengths and you know they said he
didn't have a jump shot he developed a
jump shot he didn't have defense he
wanted to put defensive player of the
year so every year I do a teardown and I
do an inventory of what I did well what
I wished I could have done better and
what I liked about you know the
experience in between so it's like I
like I wish I wonder you actually write
these things down
that's my new year I don't do new year's
resolutions I do like new year's
inventory okay I like I wish I wonder I
like I wish I wasn't I like that I did
this I wish I would have done that I
wonder if I tried that what would happen
that constant introspection is almost
like a lot of ways it's driven through
my love for stoic philosophy I'm a big
fan of Marcus Aurelius in the book you
know the Emperor's handbook he did a
very great job of you know jotting down
his thoughts in an introspective manner
about his troops in his country and what
he wanted to be as a leader and I try to
do that with myself you know so it hard
on part Lucius Fox part stoic
philosophers Jay Williams how did that
notion of you have to be crazy to be
great find its way in here mine first
I've seen it on a multitude of levels
you know it was really funny my rookie
year you get so damn
because you're playing against these
guys that you've been dreaming of
[ __ ] playing against your entire life
right and you actually cross over Jordan
right well yeah I I did even though he
he dropped multiple buckets on me and
then told me how he was going to do it
which is impressive because he was 40
years old it still pisses me off to this
day I don't know if you can tell but I
remember we were playing against the
Lakers Tom and we were out here in LA
and you know like I always try to
outwork people right that's just how I
made my mark so the game was at seven I
was like you know what I'm gonna come to
the Staples Center because we're playing
this one Lakers had Kobe and Shaq okay
this is this is like the championship
Lakers so you know I'm gonna get there
at three o'clock and I want to make sure
I make 400 made shots before I go back
into the room and then I sit in a sauna
I get ready for the game so you know get
in the car get to the gym get there and
as I'm walking onto the court who do I
see I see Kobe Bryant already working
out okay it's kind of cool it's Kobe
stop Kobe you know and uh you know so I
put my sneakers on and you ever get lost
in what you do where you end up like
wait it's been an hour and a half I'm
just I'm here I'm in it so once I set my
foot across that line I started working
out and so I worked out for a good hour
hour and a half and when I came off
after I was done I sat down and of
course I still heard the ball bouncing
and look down like this guy's this guy's
still working out he was working out
like it looks like he was in a dead
sweat when I got here and he's still
going and it's not like his moves are
nonchalant lazy he's doing like game
moves you know I sit there and I unleash
my shoes am I gonna see how long this
goes there watch
another 25 minutes and they got done
okay I think I've seen enough go play
you know come back get in the sauna and
get ready for the game that game he
drops 40 on us okay and after the game
is over I'm like I have to ask this guy
guy I have to understand like why why he
works like that right so after games I'm
like hey khob like why were you in a gym
for so long
he's like cuz I saw you come in and I
don't want you to know that it doesn't
matter
how hard you work that I'm willing to
work harder than you Wow and he's like
it's don't hold there's there's nothing
wrong with that like I'm not saying I
just like you as a person you just you
inspire me to be better right and it was
the first time I started to see this
level of competitiveness who I said I
need to start doing more Wow Michael
Strahan everyone thinks is in there one
things you're not scared if I tell you
everyone thinks you haven't had failures
with I've had plenty of failures but I
don't look at failure I've never looked
at a failure uh what was me oh I don't
know I'm just programs now I did work
okay let's go look harder
figure something else out I'm going I'm
not programmed to go I didn't work out
and let me contemplate and feel sorry
for myself and you know and go over here
and get sympathy I just I don't know if
it's where I was brought up or if it's
from the business of football where is
win or lose it's like success or failure
and if you knew the football game I
don't have time to think about how I
lost it and what I did wrong because if
I'm doing that the neck the game playing
that's weak is getting ahead of me so I
gotta worry about what's coming up next
and push for what's next and get better
for what's next not getting better for
what's in the not not worried about what
I wasn't good enough for in the past
right and I've done sitcom fail their
business are fail you know you figure it
out might feel about figuring it out
life is not going to be perfect and if
you expect it to be perfect you're
fooling yourself and a perfect life
without a challenge is not a perfect
life it's a boring life or you see the
movie war dogs oh the gun runner's yeah
yeah yeah all right there's a great line
in there which they don't intend this
way but when you were talking it really
hit me they say the money is made
between the lines now in the movie
they're talking about something a little
bit different but when you were saying
like I fail and I think about okay
what's next how do I learn from this you
know what's the pivot how do I move or
you know reinvent yourself that's that's
the money like if people want to know
how you've had such astronomical success
in so many crazy
different arenas it's that when you said
life is about figuring it out
I was like no one's gonna write that
down like people at home and I'm putting
a [ __ ] pin in it so people will write
it down
because once they get that the magic of
Michael Strahan is that that you take
the time to assess and figure it out
like you were saying with GMA and
watching you on GMA has been so cool to
see you really changing from what you
were doing on live with Kelly and
Michael like what you were calling the
it was personality you know roll up and
shine yeah and then now this I see you
and you've talked about you talked about
in the book about I wanted a challenge
and I needed to know am I am I saying no
to this because I'm scared because if
that's it that I'm going all in because
fear is something you don't overcome and
figure out that dude that's me like the
juice is worth the squeeze right yeah
the juice is worth the squeeze
Jessica o Mathews I think that for me I
used to believe that that meant that I
could never really achieve what they
achieve that there were certain parts of
the world certain levels of success or
in levels of business that we're just
going to be too big for me it's like how
can I dare say I'm going to run an
energy company like that I'm going to
build wealth for a community like who
the hell am i how did you get over that
because I think most people have that
but they stop there the first thing that
I did was not think too far ahead so the
idea was instead of imagining from day
one oh I want to build an energy company
it was more imagining or really
envisioning well why am I getting up in
the morning why might you know what's
the point of my day and so for me I'm
really really excited by
self-actualization I'm really excited by
the idea of figuring out ways to one
kind of recruit people to be part of the
the solution to the world's problems
because I surely believe that there's
given how complex our problems are there
is no
person or company that's going to solve
all of them the only chance in hell that
we have is as many people as possible
are engaged and feel empowered to be
part of that solution and so I think
it's like how can I then create systems
and products that I almost want to call
them Domino innovations like they
basically beget other innovations they
inspire the right people to start to
solve the things that I could never
imagine solving and in doing that
they've make that one light that they're
living that one life that they have feel
like it was worth it you know on
whatever day happens to be their last
day and so that really excites me
especially also I think I would add to
recently wanting very much to make sure
that little girls who look like me
believe that they can do anything and
believe that they can do more than just
media and entertainment in particular
and believe in the value of their
perspective and so that's what gets me
up in the morning and then everything
else the details is like it kind of I
could push through that day and what I
found is that instead of trying to live
a successful life if you aim to have a
successful day you know just you know 12
if you have 13 out of the 24 hours of
your day if you won those hours you won
the day and if you win most of the days
in a week you won the week you know we
just need a simple majority here right
and if you do if you win you know most
of the weeks in a month
there you go most of the months in a
year most of the years in a life and and
all of a sudden look at that without
even trying you've been able to kind of
get somewhere
the nerdwriter Evan Pugh Shaq so I'm
looking at the nerdwriter and I'm
thinking [ __ ] like this content is on
another planet like it's so good and I
could just sit there and watch oh but
they're the real question that you
should be asking is why do I think it's
good because it's gonna be very
different for other people so for me
usability is all that matters
so I'm watching the content I'm saying
oh [ __ ] like I can really use this piece
of information like you totally [ __ ]
up my life you changed it in the most
beautiful and amazing way with the
Hemingway quote and the notion of was it
Kentucky Kentucky kansui thank you yeah
so I'm watching that episode about
kansui the record player of my life
skips grinds to a halt I'm like this is
unbelievable yeah and the Hemingway
quote that you threw in which I had
never heard immediately put it on my
list of like life-changing quotes is
life breaks everyone and some are
stronger in the places that broke yeah
our great quote whoa great writer walk
us through that concept that art form
what it is how its impacted you so
interesting because that's a video that
I've probably gotten the most personal
feedback about and the concept this is
sort of simple in Japanese culture they
have an art craft art called kansui
where when ceramics are broken they they
don't throw them out and buy another or
you know or create and another one from
scratch they put the ceramic pieces back
together but the way that they had it
heats them is with gold a kind of gold
adhesive Gold sparkly you know it's
almost like a mortar material yeah it's
beautiful and so you get these these
pieces that are broken but at the cracks
are more beautiful and I thought that is
such you know a perfect metaphor and
it's not my metaphor because it it you
know it goes into the Buddhist concept
of wabi-sabi and but the idea that you
know we are going to go through
and it's particularly relevant right now
I think in the post-election period we
are going to go through trauma but
trauma is an opportunity to change and
to reorganize the elements that made up
your life you know I gave a speech in
Singapore a couple weeks ago and you
know what I spoke about was that when a
person's mind is traumatized it's like
the story that they were telling
themselves has ceased to be persuasive
right and when a story stops being
persuasive it is disorienting and that I
think is what trauma is the period
between when you when your old story
breaks apart because of this last straw
and the camel's back thing I mean we're
gonna continue to tell ourselves the old
stories until it's so glaringly
contradictory that it doesn't hold up
so traumas the period between when that
breaks down and when you from the pieces
of the old build something new and will
never glorify the trauma itself but
recognize that in that period you have a
very unique opportunity that will only
come along a handful of times in your
life to reorganize the story that you
tell about yourself to yourself so that
for me is what kansui is all about and I
think a lot of people just really
connected with that idea for sure
Vanessa van Edwards you've talked about
breaking up with friends like so how do
you sculpt that garden of friendship
it's so hard so I think that adult
friendships is you know when you're a
teenager everyone's talking about like
bullying and cyber-bullying I think that
as adults this adult friendship issue is
the next sort of frontier of talking
about how do we court friends how do we
build a friendship when it's not
romantic how do we break up with a
friendship when it's been too long and
the biggest thing that happens with
friendships is they do go stale and it's
a very weird thing to say but there are
people I'm sure you could think of
someone in your life where every time
their number pops up on a text message
early
it's been a while I better call them or
you know you see them out of convenience
or out of location I think those are the
kind of friendships that really drain
you there's actually a study that was
done on ambivalent relationships this is
so interesting yeah I'm thinking about
ambivalence a lot so toxic people we get
it right we all understand that we want
to get rid of toxic people that's more
obvious the real danger I think is
ambivalent relationships so these
ambivalent relationships are the people
where either you don't know how you
stand with them so you don't know if
they like you or not and they're also
the people where you don't know if you
really enjoy hanging out with them or
not have you ever had that yes and
you're like is this gonna be fun was
that fun is this fun and I mean those
are the ones that take the more energy
there are also the more dangerous ones
because they tend to creep in and stay
in so the whole notion of frenemies I
find really really intriguing and this
is something certainly that I have dealt
with in my life and it was weird to me
how until I read that that it didn't
register why that would be so insidious
so what the study with a science says
they did a research study with police
officers and they asked police officers
to identify the amount of toxic people
in their workplace and the amount of
ambivalent people and they found that
the police officers who had more
ambivalent relationships were sick more
often had less happiness at work and
didn't like their job as much then
police officers who had toxic people's
just just thinking about that for a
second and the reason for this is
because if you have a toxic person
boundaries are easy they ask you go out
to lunch you're like no thanks right
like you know it's a no thanks where's
if an ambivalent person asks you out to
lunch or ask your their birthday party
or you know ask you to work on something
it takes this mental energy where you
have this thing where you're like oh
like will it be good would I rather eat
alone at my desk or would I rather have
lunch with this person and is when it's
not always easy that's an incredible
drain on our emotional energy and if
you're an introvert or an ambivert an
ambivert is someone who is kind of
splits between extraversion and
introversion your energy is finite and
our mental space is finite and this
something that I did not realize until
much more recently I thought that mental
space was sort of endless right you
could learn forever you could think
about things forever
but actually we only have a certain
amount of mental time every day and if
we're dedicating that to trying to
figure out if someone likes us or not
which is a very important thing we all
like to be liked whether we admit it or
not that I think is a waste of mental
energy why would we want to spend it
towards that and that's why I think I'm
Evelyn people are more dangerous do you
have a checklist cuz I'm like thinking
back to the people that manage to become
frenemies in my own life it's kind of
scary how long it took me to be able to
put that label on them to like sort of
wake up to the fact that either they
always were or the relationship had
evolved to that like years right years I
know so I don't have a checklist it's
actually just one simple question all
right sir are you ever doubting that
they're really happy for you
wow that cuts right to the heart of it I
mean that's it and that that happens
actually quite often like there are
these people who make these very
passive-aggressive comments we were like
was that nice or was that mean if you're
ever questioning that that means they
are not truly happy for you or if you
have a piece of really good news
they really true good friend will mirror
and match that excitement with you
someone who's not as happy for you will
come in with dream killer questions you
know dream killers yeah dream killer
questions are when they question your
success they doubt the success to think
of all the negatives and dream killers
are not always bad I have dream killers
in my life and I call them when I need
someone to poke holes in a business idea
right like I'll pitch them because
they're great practice but I know that
they are not the people that I go to and
I have something I'm truly excited about
I think that that's the only question
you have to ask yourself and it might be
an inconvenient truth like don't answer
it off the cuff like don't answer it
really quickly like try to think of all
the times in the last six months that
you've seen them and shared something
did you feel like they were as happy as
you were about your happiness
J Samet what's one of the most important
things you hope people take away from
the book that all the big famous people
that you hear about you know Richard
Branson and Steve Jobs and and
Zuckerberg and I write they're no
different than you are right seventy
something percent of the world's
billionaires are self-made so you can
achieve this now it's not going to be
easy you don't just wake up on Tuesday
and become rich on Wednesday but it
doesn't take any more effort than going
to a job that you hate and unless you
believe in reincarnation you got one
shot on this planet one shot so don't
you want to make a difference don't you
want to leave something behind and make
the planet better than you found it why
are you here what do you want to
accomplish with your life and it doesn't
have to be being rented and it doesn't
have to be money oriented the same
principles in disrupt you you can change
the educational system you can change
healthcare I mean I am humbled by what
I'm seeing people create around the
world with so little but we are on this
ball together
we can solve problems together we can
make a better future together
you know it's an optimistic story that
you get to write your piece of the story
I mean why wouldn't people want to push
their potential so aim for the stars of
you to make it all the way he made it to
the moon you know my head alright guys I
hope that you got as much out of that as
I did I was really blown away this year
by everybody that came on the show and I
would be remiss not to say a big
shout-out to everybody here on the team
that put this clip show together they
went through and pulled out some
incredible gems that have really become
a part of how I think and are gonna help
me really make the most out of 2018 I
hope it is the same for you if you guys
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