Kind: captions
Language: en
everybody welcome to another episode of
AMA live I'm your host Tom value and I'm
here to answer your questions so let's
submit those bad boys today's episode by
the way is brought to you by everything
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way to greatness all right without
further ado let us dive into the very
first question this one comes from Lois
Christine in being this is from the
connecting box do you follow any morning
routine if so what does your morning
routine look like and what is your
thought process behind doing each of
these actions okay here it goes first of
all your morning routine starts the
night before so go to bed early now I
used to say that like a religion I was
in bed by 9 p.m. but now my schedule has
gotten a little out of whack we've got a
new piece of content called real impact
by the way for anybody that's into film
and TV and the mindset that you can
glean from that you can go to
youtube.com forward slash impact theory
studios and check that out but that
routinely now has me seeing movies at
far past my bedtime but I try to go to
bed as close to 9:00 as humanly possible
every night save for the weekends and in
that I sleep without an alarm so I wake
up when I wake up the reason that I do
that is because I want to get as much
sleep as I need so I'm all about
cognitive optimization so I'm not
somebody who sets the alarm to make sure
that I'm up at 4:00 in the morning but
when I wake up at 4:00 in the morning
I'm a very happy camper I usually get it
used to be between five and six I'm now
getting between seven and eight I have
no idea why I changed completely
randomly and as far as I can tell
without reason
but I wake up when I wake up I give
myself ten minutes to get out of bed and
I do that because I'm lazy and my
inclination is to lay in bed so I need a
bright line that says I get out of bed
immediately without wasting time so I'm
out of bad and out of bed in ten minutes
or less I put my gym clothes
next to my bed so that the easiest
answer is to put my gym clothes on in
fact I'd have to make a conscious choice
not to which dust would trigger in me a
lot of
conflict emotionally because it is my
identity to immediately go to the gym to
workout again partly for cognitive
optimization and then also for longevity
for health and for aesthetics but
working out I think is incredibly
important and I actually think that for
anybody that wants to achieve something
extraordinary in their life that the
third thing that you need to focus on is
mindset the first two are diet and
exercise followed by mindset so I hit
the gym first and foremost immediately
after the gym I meditate and the reason
that I do that is because I want to
practice going from the sympathetic
nervous system which is fight-or-flight
which are triggering in the gym through
the heavy exertion your heart rate is up
your breathing is shallow and rapid and
the idea is to very quickly switch over
into the parasympathetic nervous system
where you're getting in to rest and
digest where you're calming all of that
down you're slowing your breath your
diaphragm breathing into the nose out
through the mouth and really calming
everything down and I think practicing
that transition is very important and so
that's why I do them back-to-back but
then on top of that just meditating for
any reason I think is really important
and doing that gets you into a calm and
creative state which is where all of
your anxiety all of your stress is
dropped down to zero and I also think
that we think on multiple levels
you've got the thinking that is truly
you hear the voice in the words
articulated in your mind but you also
have below that where you have the
notion without the actual words and then
I think either below that or beside that
you also have just sort of an emotional
level of thinking where you're feeling
whatever is going on and I think that
you want to quiet all of those down so
that you can truly get into that calm
creative state and I really feel the
difference in my brain which is why I
think that meditating is insanely
important and I think much like fasting
it's really where you want to not be
taxing your metabolic processes and I
it's not that I think there are a lot of
studies out there that show that doing
that increases the efficiency of your
mitochondria and a whole host of other
benefits including insulin sensitivity
and on and on I think that there is a
very
similar effect that happens when you
meditate where you're literally fasting
from thought or at least you're trying
to get out of thought and into that calm
creative space as for as much of the
time than you're meditating is possible
you're gonna find that your mind wanders
it's just what the mind does but you
really can quiet it down quite a down
and I think in quieting it down there is
some effect I don't know what the actual
neurological effect is but the effects
of that what you feel is a deep sense of
calm relaxation and it's incredibly
powerful for then having your most
potent ideas and biggest breakthroughs
after I do that then I do what I call
think at ating which is leveraging that
state to then process through in a very
conscious way all of the things that I'm
dealing with in my business from my life
and I won't go into too much detail on
think attaining but basically allow
yourself to actually think we're in
meditation trying not to and then after
that I read which i think is incredibly
important I think you should always be
learning I think that's really really
important to having great ideas to
solving problems whatever it is to
getting better you need to just always
always always be learning and then after
that I have a list called important
things and I go through my important
things list and that is literally just a
list of the most important things I
could be doing for my business and the
reason that I keep a list is because I
don't ever want to waste time in a
transitional moment trying to think of
what I should be doing or focusing on I
want that list also studies have shown
that journaling before you go to bed
simply by listing the things you need to
do allows you to sleep and so this may
be one of the reasons that I have such
an easy time falling asleep is I know
everything that I should be working on
everything that I've thought about is
not only written down it's in priority
order and so there isn't a cycle of my
brain like remember remember remember
which I think is part of what keeps
people awake so there you have it that's
my morning routine after that then I get
ready and I often read by the way cuz I
do audible books while I'm getting ready
I read through making my first meal
which comes after all of that there you
have it that's my morning routine a my
thinking behind it alright next question
is from Daniel breeze
hi Tom I go to bed at 9:00 my man alarm
at 5:30 shame on you it's still not
enough sleep get more I've want to wake
up without the alarm any tips on how to
feel rested with
sleeeeep I have absolutely no tips on
how to feel rested with less sleep my
only tip is how to feel rested which is
to get as much sleep as you need now
while it's really annoying to me that
right now I'm sleeping seven and eight
hours versus my normal five and six it
is what I have to do to be cognitively
optimized and therefore I do it
I won't say that I don't complain as you
hear me doing right now but I think that
it the priority remains being
cognitively optimized not being tired I
think being tired is a unique form of
torture that I absolutely despise and to
get the most out of my day to make the
most of whatever hours I'm awake I would
rather be super sharp and well rested
then try to wake up really early be
tired be slow be miserable and quite
frankly not have the ideas coming from
my subconscious which I find is slowed
or even muted if I'm too tired so while
there are rare occasions where I will
set an alarm I wake up to an alarm
certainly less than 10 times a year so a
year here so if you can do what I've
done without setting alarm more than 10
times then I just truly truly go to bed
or at least leave as much as you need
now what you probably gonna find is in
the first couple months you're gonna
sleep a lot you might be sleeping 8 to
10 hours because you've been so
sleep-deprived but sleep is just
incredibly incredibly important I read a
study this is so fascinating your brain
reduces in size so think of it as as
inflammation and then reducing that
inflammation not actually you know
growing and shrinking but it reduces in
size which allows it to flush out I'm
gonna use the word toxin I hate that
word but it allows it to flush the
system clear of things that it wants to
get out of the brain and the only way
that they can do that is by reducing the
inflammation which it only does when you
sleep
so that's but one of the many things
that they're beginning to uncover is
incredibly potent and powerful about
sleep in terms of its relationship to
the brain so I just cannot stress enough
get whatever sleep you need suck it up
if you have to start going to bed at 8
in order to make it to work on time do
it if you have to go to bed at 7 do it
and I know people always push back I
need to unwind all of that know if
you're watching me I make the assumption
that what you need is to become great it
is too
really actuate and actualize all of the
potential that you have latent within
you and that you're trying to do
something extraordinary with your life
and you're trying to do that by the way
because this is the thing that makes you
feel most alive not because there is
some moral imperative to do so so that's
what you need to do and the only way
that you're going to be able to get that
is to get your sleep
so then beyond that I will say eat right
eating is massive I don't think that
exercise gives me more energy unless I
take a day off so if I've been working
out like a demon and I'm in great shape
and then I take a day off on the day off
I actually have more energy other people
say that they feel more energized from
working out that just has not been my
experience in 15 years of working out so
I won't propagate that myth at least for
me my wife on the other hand does feel
more energized so hey there you have it
but eating right exercising and then
getting your thoughts in the right place
that and then getting your sleep that's
the only way that I know how to feel
energized alright next question is from
Ian Grigsby Taub I am currently a PhD
math student that sounds hard at Baylor
congratulations this is the first time
I've tried to train my focus on one
thing versus being a jack-of-all-trades
it's as with anything good tough any
advice so yes so my advice is regardless
of whether something is hard or not
because even something that comes easily
to you let's say that mathematics comes
easily to you or all use my example so
for me speaking was always the thing
that I got early wins in so even when I
was young I was able to talk fairly
rapidly but ultimately you're getting to
the point where you've maxed out your
natural ability and now you're trying to
push it trying to go beyond and that got
hard as hell for me and I spent a lot of
hours practicing practicing always at
the edge of my competence which the real
danger being at the edge of your
competence if you don't have a growth
mindset is it makes you feel badly about
yourself which makes you want to go into
the psychological immune system and
begin to protect yourself from that so
as you're doing math problems that are
hard for you and really start making you
feel stupid which is exactly what
happens you're gonna want to back off
you're gonna want to go into places that
you're better stronger the
you have you're dipping into your more
natural talents and you're not pushing
those to the edge of your abilities but
that's the way to keep your life small
that is not the way to become
extraordinary so you really just have to
admit this is going to be hard this is
going to make me feel stupid this is
going to make me feel badly about myself
but on a long enough timeline if I keep
doing this if I keep practicing I keep
pushing myself what I'm doing is
extending extending that region of where
you start to feel stupid so it may you
know right now it's maybe something
that's relatively basic for an advanced
mathematician but five years from now
ten years from now that begins to extend
really far and your mathematics becomes
incredibly usable and potent in your
life and you're able to do things that
other people are not able to do and when
you look back and this is one of the few
times that I encouraged people to really
look back on their life when you look
back at where you were like six months
ago it's not often that exciting but
when you think about where you were ten
years ago like when I think about what I
was capable of ten years ago I am
embarrassed and I read somewhere and I
don't remember where but they said if
you're not embarrassed by who you were
even a year ago
you're just not learning enough so
understand that just continuing to push
that continuing to drive forward
continuing to live that edge and soothe
yourself with the identity and building
pride around being a learner instead of
being smart good whatever that you will
just go so far and it will be so
impactful on your life so that is my
advice all right next question is from
clutch media clutch I've seen you in the
comment feed before thank you for
engaging on instagrams where I think of
you so thank you for joining today on
YouTube
Tom hope you're doing well I am thank
you very much for asking can you speak
about a way or ways you would go about
cutting off a relationship with a friend
and business partner when the partner
just has not been reliable who okay so a
friend is pretty easy because there's no
contractual things that extend the pain
in that relationship so first of all I
really really believe in principles and
by that I mean that the truth is the
highest value so honestly there's only a
certain ring of my friendships that are
so important to me that I would employ
the principles but let's pretend that
they are because I
this is the far more interesting way to
look at this so if somebody's really a
part of my inner circle and I care
deeply about them and I want them in my
life before I would distance myself from
them I would first just tell them
exactly how I'm feeling I would point
out examples of times where I felt like
hey I was counting on you to be there in
which by the way I would have been
abundantly clear about my expectations
wanting them to be there whatever the
case may be that it's important to me I
would define those words so I wouldn't
just say hey it's important to me that
you you know whatever come out to dinner
tonight or meet me for bowling or
whatever it is you're doing I would
define the word important and say look
I'll never be abusive of this I'm not
gonna say this every time I get we're
all busy and so maybe it's one out of 50
times that it's actually important to me
that you show up but when I say it's
important if you're not gonna be able to
make it just tell me right away so that
I know I'm not counting on you etc I
mean and really define those terms so if
I've said hey this is important they
failed to show up I'm gonna tell them in
real time exactly how that makes me feel
why that's troubling to me what that you
know makes me want to do whether that's
to not continue to invite them or not
invest in them as a friendship or
whatever I would say all of those things
and so being really truthful being
really open being honest being direct I
think is the only way to have a truly
deep and meaningful relationship so I'm
of the ilk where I have a lot of
acquaintances and I have very few real
deep friendships and those real deep
friendships or the people that are
really deployed the principles on I
explained to them what the principles
are if you want to read them for
yourself read Ray Dalio as principles I
think that they apply not only to
business but to personal relationships
in fact I've deployed the principles
nowhere more profoundly than in my
marriage so check it out
but yeah so having that high level
honesty I think is really really
important and then if they're not living
up to it then I would just be honest
about that and say look I get it maybe
that you're too busy for this and I
totally understand and meeting them with
compassion by the way and not being
passive-aggressive or a dick about it
it's like look either they're they just
don't see friendship the same way that
you do or it's not as important to them
in that moment or or they're just not
that into you which I think applies to
friends as well so and you know just
without being weird or harsh
I would you know enjoy what time that I
have with them if I want to continue in
to invest in that friendship and then I
wouldn't expect anything beyond that and
that's something that I think is is
really important is to understand where
people fall and spectrum of your
friendship to meet them where they are
to enjoy them for what they have to
offer and not expect them to be more
than they want to be or capable of being
and yeah so if it's just somebody that
dips in and out of your life but it's
fun to be around then enjoy them for
that and don't expect them to be more
and then if they're in that range and
you just don't want to spend time with
them because you're not getting anything
out of them then simply stop spending
time with them now when it's a business
partner this gets much more difficult
and you're going to have to really look
at what's going on from a contractual
standpoint but even before I would say
just like cutting them out of your life
which is pretty simple of sitting them
down and saying hey this partnership
isn't working anymore and we need to
figure out what we're gonna do
contractually to dissolve the
relationship I would look at how do you
make the relationship functional and I
think that making the relationship
functional has everything to do with
defining terms it has to do with
agreeing on values that's really
important you may find that you have
different languages of appreciation so
while you think they're not being
reliable that may just be something that
they don't value and they don't
communicate in that way so there's a
communication style that is acts of
service there's communication style
that's quality time and so you may be
somebody that communicates in quality
time so you're thinking that they're
unreliable because they don't
communicate in that way and so they
don't carve out that time to really be
there for you now if you're saying that
they're not reliable about the business
that could be something entirely
different and then that's gonna be
defining expectations here's what I
expect from you the amount of time the
amount of energy and quite frankly what
are the metrics that you expect them to
hit and then all of this sort of
wishy-washy stuff goes away if you guys
agree on what the metrics are and the
metrics aren't being hit becomes very
easy to have the conversation of this
partnership is not working out okay I'll
leave it there all right next question
is from sim land what is up dude
you're gonna be here soon which is crazy
and cool and I can't wait to meet you
face to face
Tom what do you make of the quote from
George Bernard Shaw life isn't about
finding yourself life is about creating
yourself this is [ __ ] crazy I just
did this on Alexa did it already come
out
why he's bringing it up or are we just
simpatico not entirely sure I think it's
an amazing quote and I think it is 100%
true and this to me is like the real gap
that people have between where they are
and what they want to accomplish they
think that it is an archeological dig
that they're going to find within
themselves things that have been laying
dormant somehow and that's just not how
this works you're going to craft
yourself you're going to have a vision
of the person that you want to become
you may even have a model of somebody
who's like that somebody that you look
up to somebody that you inspire to be
like and you're going to map out your
life your decisions your beliefs your
actions everything on what you believe
is going to get you to that state and
somebody I was just talking to who was
it and they said that when you what you
need to do is describe what success
looks like like what would I be saying
as I'm describing to somebody this thing
being successful I think it was Ray
Kurzweil and then back into that so if
the press release if you will of this
success were X Y Z like what would I
need to be saying and writing into that
press release and then actually go and
act in accordance with that that to me
is how you become the person that you
want to become is what does that person
act like and then start acting like that
so I don't think it matters who you are
I don't think it matters what situation
you were born into I don't think it
matters what your natural talents and
inclinations are I think it only matters
what you craft into your life I think
excitement can be crafted I think that
love can be crafted now because I know
that that one is controversial and
slightly misleading I think all of this
stuff starts from a flicker of interest
and then like with my wife on our first
date oh it's like whoa this chick is
super interesting now I don't believe in
love at first sight it certainly was not
love on the first date but going into
that and fanning those flames and
feeding into this notion of I want to be
around or I want to spend more time with
her like literally Fanning that and
staring at it and investing in that like
by investing in a desire to spend more
time with him/her in cultivating like
this wants to be around her in like
replaying in my mind the time that we
had spent together and all of that stuff
it really begins to turn into this
bonfire because you're obsessing on it
your point
you're looking at your cultivating your
crafting it you're creating it as George
Bernard Shaw said so that I think is
really that is the truth and that people
want love to be like this effortless
thing that just happens automatically I
don't think it works like that same with
excitement I think all of this stuff
Peters out if you don't fan those flames
so I think you craft everything in your
life all right next question is from
Charles B this is on YouTube what are
your views on emotional intelligence and
how much control do you think we have
over our emotional states all right my
views on emotional intelligence are that
it is insanely important and I believe
that you can get hold of your emotional
states I think it is very hard actually
I was it was about to say it's very hard
not to feel the emotion but even that
will dim with time as you craft your
identity so at first it starts with
identity I think behavior is born of
identity and your values so as you begin
to shape your values which were a
decision as you begin to shape your
identity which is a choice and you craft
it going back to the last question as
you begin to do that stuff I think that
over time your emotions to a given
situation will change very dramatically
so that's that is an important thing to
recognize and then I think that by
developing your self-awareness by
understanding that you're having an
emotion processing in real time saying
okay I'm having this emotion what is
this emotion what is the cause of this
emotion and really at the cause level
being willing to admit when it's
insecurity pettiness jealousy whatever
the case may be being able to really
truly admit whatever deficiency
inadequacy just general lameness that
exists in your personality like if
you're willing to be honest about that
then you can go okay what is it that I'm
lacking or believe I'm lacking or
whatever that's causing me to have this
cascade and if you can nip that in the
bud by changing your identity your
values whatever your belief system all
the things that make that up because you
want to change that because you think
that whatever emotional state you're
having is disempowering then you can
diminish the amount of time that you
experience that and the idea being to
start recognizing the emotion very
fast recognizing what it is the cause
and addressing that cause through what I
call the mental pachinko machine which
is a belief system of things that taking
negative belief and insecurity jealousy
pettiness whatever and turn it into
something positive
getting very good at that and my goal
with myself and I'm definitely not a
hundred percent of this but I've gotten
so much better over the years is to not
even let that emotion register on my
face so I may feel it but so quickly the
pachinko machine takes over and I flip
that negative thing into something
positive so that's very important I
think that humans can get insanely good
at that and you will be shocked at how
many emotions you can get control of and
flip or use them as a trigger for an
empowering behavior so you may have an
insecurity that's the emotion but you
use that emotion as a trigger to trigger
an empowering behavior so I'll give you
an example maybe a slightly weak example
but when I'm at the dentist that [ __ ]
hurts even though they numb you like
even if they're just cleaning your teeth
that [ __ ] hurts and I hate this such a
weird pain so I find that that pain
triggers this like desire to recoil to
get out of there to curl up on my
mother's lap and cry like a baby but I
use that very negative emotion which
does not make me feel good about myself
- literally lean into the pain to open
my mouth wider and then in doing that
that makes me feel proud of myself that
I'm not shying away from pain that I'm
not slinking away from it and if I'm
willing to do it on something that is
obviously positive make sure that you
have healthy gums and teeth and I will
do it in other areas of my life where
it's also empowering so that is one
example I don't know why that one came
to my mind right now
but that's one example of ways that you
can flip something that starts is this
negative recoil want to get away from
and turns it into something empowering
all right next question
Nicole page YouTube what are your
thoughts and suggestions on creating
better communication in relationships ie
getting over the fear of confrontation
and being able to hold the people around
you to a higher standard it's
interesting at the beginning of that
question I thought you're talking about
intimate relationships which is not
necessarily what you're talking about so
fear of confrontation how would I get
over that so part of that fear is coming
from you have a vision of yourself that
you're worried will be diminished
because you will either be unable to
convince people of your
point-of-view or you'll be unable to
look cool or they're going to browbeat
you into submission or whatever it is
that's causing that fear of that
confrontation and I would say instead of
trying to come out the other side of a
confrontation looking cool or being
right or any of that go into that
confrontation with a desire to find out
what is really true what is really
optimal there may be a realization about
yourself which is hey maybe I'm not good
at making my case and maybe I need to
focus on getting better at that and so
if that's the thing that triggers your
insecurities going into that and that's
why you have a fear of confrontation go
into it telling yourself and this is one
way that I've addressed this literally
in my own life instead of thinking oh I
need to perform well in this I'm gonna
go into this as practice so hey if I
totally mess this up and embarrass
myself and I don't think of the cool
things that I wanted to say are the very
convincing things that I would have said
you know and I think of them an hour
later which is very common I'll just go
in and and remember this is practice I'm
gonna try maybe a new technique maybe
that new technique is simply lowering my
anxiety levels so I'm gonna go into this
I really don't want this confrontation
[ __ ] this sucks I don't want to do this
but I'm gonna go into it and I'm just
gonna practice getting out of the
sympathetic nervous system into the
parasympathetic nervous system so as
that fear of confrontation kicks in and
my heart rate starts speeding up and my
breathing gets irregular I'm just
literally going to hey this conversation
isn't about winning the argument this
conversation is about practicing calming
myself down diaphragm breathing staying
aware of my thoughts not answering too
fast and you know trying to give a fast
answer instead of a thoughtful answer so
in going in to practice those things I
find that the fear of anything whether
it's confrontation or just general
anxiety is going to be lowered so I
think that that's really really helpful
and I do fear that we scrolled off the
question and there was a second part to
this thank you being able to hold people
around you to a higher standard okay so
that to me is is totally different and
this is all going to come down to what
your relationship is to them
sadly in a business environment
depending on where you are in the
company hierarchy you may not be able to
hold people hold people to a higher
standard
you can certainly set a high standard
through your behavior
and that's what I would encourage you to
do and I think that people over time
always recognize the high performers
they certainly recognize the people that
are actually making things better even
if people are just blanket stealing your
ideas if you've got enough good ideas
that they want to steal from you and
they're actually paranoid of being
without you and they have fear of loss
and you've gotten that good at
generating amazing ideas or moving
things forward or whatever that won't go
unnoticed so you've got a lot of
leverage if you're able to generate
those kinds of ideas it puts you in a
position of power and while not always
easy to figure out the political
maneuverings
to move up and around somebody that's
just stealing your ideas it starts with
being so good that they fear losing you
so I would focus on that so lead by
example
and yeah when you're the one that's
delivering and you really don't abuse
this because you can turn into a dick
real fast
by trying to hold people to standards
but when your standard is like miles
above everybody else and you in a super
optimistic Pleasant an encouraging way
say hey like we can accomplish XYZ if we
all do XYZ that's probably the way to do
it and if you're leading from the front
and taking the hard jobs and really
charging in everything with an amazing
attitude and always trying to inspire
and motivate those around you and be
super encouraging I think you'll find
that people rise up to that just [ __ ]
good leadership all right next question
is from Sam rats and Gupta hey Tom there
is absolutely no goal in the world that
fires me up to go after it no passion
nothing any suggestions all right so
first of all this is harkening back to
something we were discussing earlier
which is nobody starts with a passion
some people develop a passion very early
in their life but they don't start there
so I'll give you an example of how
something in my own life started so as a
kid I really enjoyed watching movies
okay so that's a flicker of interest and
then my dad ends up bringing a camcorder
home and because I really dug movies I
thought oh let me play around with this
camera and I start playing with it and
it's kind of fun and I have a friend who
thinks it's kind of fun and so we goof
around on the cameras and it's kind of
fun and that's it and then we're
shooting some stuff and I remember like
I just had an intuition of like where to
the camera my dog just jailbroke I'm
kind of impressed right now that she was
able to jump over that and half the team
has come together so I just found that I
had that intuitive thing of where to put
the camera and my dad made an offhand
comment and he may have been trying to
tell me that I was terrible at being in
front of the camera but he said in a
very sweet way instead I actually think
you're better behind the camera than you
are in front of the camera now I took
that is like whoa he thinks I'm good
behind the camera that's amazing and so
that like feel-good thing with my dad
wanting to impress my dad became me
really focusing on being behind the
camera and as I got better at it then I
was able to actually express myself
behind the camera and then slowly over
time reinvesting in that Fanning those
flames really sitting in that wanting to
get great and loving the obsession and
all of that then I actually really
started to get good and in the process
of gaining that mastery and Fanning
those flames it became a passion but it
wasn't a passion right off the bat so
that's how literally the sort of a
flicker of interest random comment from
dad desire to impress ends up becoming
this massive passion of my life so now
you don't always fall in love with
things like that I'm sure there were a
thousand thing my dad wanted me to be
really good at cars and I [ __ ] hated
working on cars and so that did not turn
into even an interest let alone a
passion but when you get good at that
process of cultivating that creating
that Fanning those flames investing in
it understanding the power of obsession
that obsession is a choice that it
starts with something that merely like
interests you then that turns into
capturing your imagination through
engagement and then you fan those flames
and it really becomes a passion so just
because you don't have one now doesn't
mean that you couldn't find one but
you're gonna have to invest you're gonna
have to invest in forcing yourself to
embody excitement over something sort of
exaggerating it and there's all kinds of
studies that I could talk about but I
will give you one brief thing which is
that there is a mechanism in the mind
where whatever your reaction is however
big it is however theatrical your
reaction is your brain goes oh it must
have been worth that reaction which is
why when people get really pissed off
they only further invest and that they
were truly wronged or whatever so if you
do the same thing with excitement and
embody that excitement push that
excitement out
that try to radiate that excitement
you'll find that your brain goes whoa
this must have really been worth that
level of excitement so that thing that
only started as an interest really
becomes something alright that's enough
on that next question is from Mitchie
preneur a very clever name I'm motivated
and ready to suffer her but I tend to
stumble and actually finding what I
think is a good model or idea any
thoughts or strategies on finding the
business that jives with your passion
okay so what is the real way to answer
this question you have a passion but you
don't know how to build a business so
this is gonna be intersecting circles
think of a Venn diagram so you're gonna
be looking at what is my passion what is
a need that the world has and what can I
mana ties so in the area where those
three things meet that's gonna be the
business opportunity so I walk you
through what I did with impact theory
but it actually didn't start with the
the passion that I have for the path
which is where I think people get
confused so I deep passion for the path
that we're employing right now which is
media film making TV storytelling all of
that but the actual goal the mission is
to pull people out of the matrix meaning
to help people get rid of that limiting
belief system that's holding them back
because the thing that I I just I am
over the moon I get the the biggest
chemical reaction from neuro chemical
reaction is that moment of awakening
where somebody realizes that they can do
something that a minute ago they didn't
think they were capable of because they
simply shifted their belief system and
then that opens this whole world of ways
that they could go and grow and get
better and all of that and that it will
have real-world impact on themselves and
their family now when that happens and
somebody turns to me and says dude it is
because of you that I'm able to do this
that is the [ __ ] juice for me nothing
gets me as excited is that nothing amps
me up like that
literally absolutely [ __ ] nothing
which by the way if you see me out in
the world trust me when I say you're not
interrupting me I absolutely love it
when people come up and say hey man
because of the content I'm doing this or
whatever or dropping in comments like I
[ __ ] love that stuff so that is
incredibly meaningful to me that is the
absolute juice that is the thing that
I'm just over the moon about now I'm
starting with that okay that's the thing
that I love now where
the business opportunity what can I mana
ties whatsoever amount of human
suffering that comes from having a
belief system that holds you back the
easiest way for me to think about it is
inner-cities now this is not the only
way that this manifests but it is
certainly one of them what your zip code
is when you're born has such a freakish
determinant on your life that is so
terrifying to me I absolutely hate that
and this really just became incredibly
clear to me at Qwest we're manufacturing
and working in the inner cities and just
seeing these incredible extraordinary
human human x' with like all these
beautiful stories and tragic stories and
all this potential and I just knew they
weren't gonna do anything with it
because of their belief system and so I
thought okay that's that is a huge
problem that when people realize what
they're really capable of like they're
lit on fire in a way like nothing else
so what is a business opportunity around
this and then what we came to was
building out the studio because it's the
only way that I believe people are gonna
change their belief system is through
narrative that's just how humans work
and so I didn't want to leverage BRE I
don't want to change behavior I wanted
to leverage it so what's a way that
people already assimilate their belief
system they assimilate their belief
system through their parents through
their friends and through media stories
so I knew that well I can't impact their
friends or their family but I can impact
the stories that we're telling so that's
where we started
it's a massive business already so
telling stories that I think people will
be more into than the next story
building a community around that
creating social content that I think is
better than the other stuff all of that
becomes that monetizable event so you
have to get good at identifying that
walking backwards starting with what is
my goal what do I really care about what
am I my dad gave me a plaque and it said
find something that you would die for
and live for it
so find that thing like what's that
thing that amps you up and then work
backwards into that opportunity all
right next question is from Mike pursue
Chile Peru Chile hi Tom I often have
trouble communicating concepts I read
two others in a clear concise way is
there a specific process you take when
trying to convey a concept to an
audience more effectively yeah
so one breaking things down into
constituent parts is really important so
you need to understand like what are the
building blocks what are the basic
concepts that they would need to
understand to really get the big concept
related to things that they already know
so that you're tying it through analogy
metaphor to things they already
understand and then meet them with
compassion don't be don't talk down to
them really try to share your own raw
enthusiasm for this idea why it is that
to you it's worthwhile explaining or
getting people to understand and then
also always always always be open to
being wrong so have strong convictions
loosely held when you go into something
like that with the humility and
excitement and then breaking things down
into their constituent parts using
analogy using metaphor to tie it to
something that they already know and
understand I think then you can really
communicate something don't try to be
clever don't try to come across as smart
really just try to break the concepts
down into their basic building blocks
and then here's one thing that like
people really don't think about you will
notice that I'm doing it right now and I
wasn't even thinking about it until this
minute you need to speak in a way that
draws people in if I answered every
question like this and every now and
then I'll interview somebody and their
answers are like this and I want to stab
myself in the face during the interview
because the human mind is meant to
respond to emphasis changes in
inflection rhythm all of that stuff so
if you can find a way to say it in a way
that will also draw people in they will
say that you're charismatic but it's
really just understanding how to make
people feel encouraged welcomed and then
draw them in with the way that you're
speaking alright so next question is
from Star Hargrove can you explain how
you explain your t-shirt to people I
finally get pushback and backlash when I
say that - peeps all right
Star Hargrove so first of all welcome to
the club
so there's nothing that I do that is
more reviled more violently reacted to
in the general public than the shirt
that I'm wearing right now the notion
that everything is my fault
I wrote an article now I want you to
imagine when I first decided I was gonna
start creating content this is probably
God three and a half years ago when I
first decided that I was gonna start
creating content I I thought what is
like the most powerful important idea
that I have and I'm gonna start with
that I'm gonna write from that position
and the thing that I came up with was
this article about how if I were hit by
a drunk driver I would blame myself
and I go into all this detail about like
how the situation ends up so I'm
literally like there's nothing I could
do and that I knew any sane person would
say when I asked whose fault is that
accident everybody insurance companies
everybody is gonna say I'll do this the
drunk driver saw 100% so when the punch
line came that it was my fault I thought
people are gonna be liberated they're
gonna realize oh my god this makes so
much sense because if I take ownership
even in that moment when everybody else
is gonna say no way that's not your
fault if I take ownership in that moment
I'm in power of everything in my life
I'm while I may be a victim or while I
may be victimized excuse me I'm never a
victim and that choosing to play the
role of the victim is my choice and I
can even in that moment choose to be
empowered to remember that I could have
done something differently including not
getting into a car that I'm always in
control the backlash I got on that
article which I was trying to give
people the gift that had taken me from
scrounging in my couch cushions to find
enough change but gas in my car to
building a billion-dollar business like
that was the thing that was one of the
biggest breakthroughs that I had it was
one of the most important realizations
ever that I think anyone can have and
people flipped the [ __ ] out and like the
comments were gnarly and I was like wow
so here's the reality I preached to the
[ __ ] choir I am NOT trying to convince
people the truth of the [ __ ] world is
that until you take ownership of
everything in your life until you stop
making excuses and blaming anybody you
will never go as far as you could go
never I don't care I don't give a [ __ ]
about fairness any of that [ __ ] like
the reality
is if that's how you think you will go
less far than somebody who takes
ownership of everything no matter how
absurd that is the truth of the world I
don't know what people want me to say if
you go into water and try to breathe
without an apparatus you will [ __ ]
drown that's the truth
whether people want to agree with me on
that or not is totally irrelevant to my
life so it's a very energetic way of
saying I don't try to explain my t-shirt
to people and if they don't like it hey
full respect the response that I just
gave you I would never give to somebody
because I actually feel bad that people
are stuck there like the whole point of
impact theory is to make content that
hits people not this social content to
make narrative content that somebody who
is antagonistic to change was
antagonistic to a growth mindset lives
in this world that we create these
stories that we tell and they admire the
characters and they watch the characters
go on a journey and they learn a lesson
of empowerment from those characters
that makes it impossible not to begin to
adopt that belief system because they
see how powerful it is but I don't spend
time trying to convince people explain
it nothing this is my bat symbol in the
sky and I wear this shirt not to
convince anybody but to find the person
who walks up and says I totally agree
with that and then I know that person is
my people they are part of my tribe and
I want them in my life in some way shape
or form so don't worry about convincing
people meet them with compassion
don't don't proselytize or any of that
understand that a fixed mindset is its
own punishment and simply wear it to
remind yourself of something powerful
and to find other people who think like
you think all right next question from
ex bouncers all right hey Tom what would
your advice be for a 24 year old who
just went back to collagen is trying to
optimize their schedule developing good
organizational skills such as writing
things down
so beyond my morning routine so the
things that we've already covered in
this episode and I'll run quickly
through them cognitively optimize which
means getting sleep workout eat right
those are massive write everything down
sounds like you're already on top of
that schedule your time if it's not in
your calendar it is not a priority so
start scheduling your days and you will
see proof positive what you actually
think is important because it is the
things you actually give time to so
that's really critical keep an important
things list so that you never waste time
in transitional moments trying to think
of what you should be doing next you
should have a list in order remember you
can never have two top priorities so
priorities need to be put in order that
doesn't mean that there aren't multiple
things that aren't important but there
can only be one top priority so the
important things list is in order
boom as soon as you have downtime a free
moment which by the way there won't be a
whole lot of them because they'll be
scheduled and things like my important
things time is one of the very fact it
is it is almost always the very first
thing that I schedule so my schedule
right now through the next several
months has important things already
blocked out of my schedule so if you
look at my schedule like for today it's
[ __ ] mayhem but the thing that I put
first would be important things so as
you look out the farther you get away
from the current day the less and less
things are on my schedule but there are
already huge blocks for important things
now important things with the air quotes
is that list that I have of the most
important things that I could be doing
to move the business forward keep that
list whatever it is what books you
should be reading things you should be
studying for you know based on your
class load and all of that and then as
soon as you have time that you haven't
already scheduled or when you hit a
block that's scheduled for the important
things you just then go down that list
alright so that's my advice next
question is from Jeremy Stickney hi Tom
how do your goals shift from ending how
did your goals shift from any metabolic
disease a quest to focusing more on the
mind and pulling people out of the
matrix and starting impact Theory what
was your thought process so my deepest
most honest truth in life is that I want
to pull people out of the matrix now I
really believe that part of that is diet
and exercise that's hugely important and
I felt that we'd made absolutely massive
strides there and the business was going
and we'd had just all kinds of absurd
financial success and it was amazing and
I was in the position where I could ask
myself I can do anything now and what do
I want to do and so I started in
sidequest and I'm super stoked on it and
people were asking why the hell is the
protein bar guy talking about mindset
that's super [ __ ] weird
my partners didn't share the vision for
that either it was gonna be very
expensive to execute against that to
make the brand of quest flexible enough
that it could incorporate mindset I'd be
dragging my partners along on that
journey which isn't fair to them
and I have deep concerns about any
brands flexibility and getting the the
great irony and this will explain the
struggle the great irony of my life when
I was at Quest people were like why is
the protein bar guy talking about
mindset now that I've done impact Theory
we're about to launch a new show called
health theory and we're not gonna be
able to launch it on my channels because
people want to know why is the mindset
guy talking about protein bars so oh the
[ __ ] irony so brands are a thing they
people go to a brand for certain things
they like you guys think of me in a
certain way you think of me all about
mindset that is one part of my
personality and that is certainly the
core central focus of the brand of
impact theory and the brand of Tom
Bilyeu but that is not the sum total of
my existence the only thing that I focus
on all of that so getting people to
understand a brand in a much broader
context I think it's probably futile and
so rather than trying to do that I
realized that if I was going to do the
thing that is most honest in the thing
that makes me feel most alive which is
pulling people out of the matrix I had
to spin it off as a separate brand and
so here we are yeah that's it all right
next question Steven Davis in the
beginning did you work as much as you do
now or have you improved over time how
have you increased productivity and
discipline to work 18 hours a day all
right so it depends on when you're
starting that clock because when I was
just out of college I was insanely lazy
and I'm so embarrassed and I never I
actually don't want myself to lose sight
of how lazy I was nor do I want people
who follow me to lose sight of how lazy
I was because I want people to
understand you can become anything you
want to become you create who you are
you don't discover it talked about that
earlier so that is really really
important but I used to be insanely lazy
now as I began to change my identity and
strive to become the person that I
wanted to become instead of focusing on
who I was then I realized that being
lazy and giving in to that was not going
to take me where I wanted to go it
didn't make me feel more alive and so as
I fed into the things that made me feel
alive as I found those flames as I
change my identity made demands of
myself altered my belief system and
really began to invest emotionally by
rewarding myself for my ability to go
hard to work to push forward on things
that I really believed in to invest in
things that make me feel alive to make
the demand that the thing that I'm
working my ass off for is something that
I really believe in and that's why men
do not follow me nor listen to my advice
if you don't love what you do because if
you don't love what you do and you work
18 hours a day you are a [ __ ] fool
and you will hate your life and you will
look back with nothing but regret so the
last thing I want is somebody to take my
advice on the surface and miss the part
where I say find something you would die
for and live for it make the demand that
the way you make your living the way you
earn your money is doing something that
you care deeply about that gives you
more energy than it takes now if you
have all of that in place you cannot
accept weakness from yourself you need
to be pushing forward you need to make
huge demands of yourself because that is
how you will optimize your abilities
that is how you will actually
actuate your potential and do the things
you want to do and gaining skills and
getting better at something is what's
going to allow you to actually have the
kind of impact that you want to have now
when you have that core when you
understand that the harder you work the
more reverberations you can have in the
world remember my very definition of
power
is you close your eyes you imagine a
world a world that is better than the
one you currently live in one that you
want to be real and then you open your
eyes and you have the ability to make
that world come true that's power that
is power if you want to cultivate that
power in your life it comes down to
busting your ass to gain skills that
matter to you and live in service not
only of yourself but of other people so
that's how I increased my productivity
and discipline because I care about what
I'm doing it makes me feel alive it
makes me feel energized it is exciting
I wake up excited to see if I can pull
this off I wake up excited to work hard
to get better because I know that it
actually has real-world implications so
I didn't start this way I don't think
anybody does you have to cultivate it
you create this stuff and it all starts
with cultivating that passion all right
next question is from dr. Jack Callahan
how can I deal with an insecure
mom mom technically and aggressive and
stubborn stepdad who both say I'm the
worst part of the family should I be
selfish and focus on myself I also use
the 80/20 and it's amazing ok that's
awesome so 80/20 80% of your time in the
beautiful the things you're grateful for
all the things you're trying to make
them true in your life 20% chip on your
shoulder
[ __ ] you I'm gonna succeed no matter
what anybody says darkside never spend
more than 20% of your time there become
super corrosive all right so I'll just
say that if you can get out of this
situation like if you live with them I
would get out immediately
second I would meet them with compassion
and in no way shape or form let them
influence how I think about myself so
anybody that can actually say you're the
worst part of this family a that is so
horrific and cruel that it doesn't make
any sense to say because the only hope
you could have by saying that is to
diminish somebody now if you wanted to
lay out metrics and say hey as a family
can we all agree these are going to be
our goal
then you may say hey some of your
behaviors are moving us away from those
goals so I really want to talk about
that and I want to see how that we can
address them because I know that you
could since you agree on what these
goals are I know that we could get your
behavior in alignment with something
that makes that better and you're valued
and loved member right like there's a
way to handle that if somebody has
behaviors that don't make sense and
maybe you do but saying something like
you're the worst part of this family is
so corrosive and ridiculous that already
it just a fundamental lack of
understanding of human empathy and human
psychology but this is where I think you
bring your understanding of human
empathy and human psychology to
understand this somebody that can say
that like there is a negativity in them
there is a unhappiness a sadness an
insecurity a sense of being ineffective
because the only thing they know how to
do is lash out and hurt that I would
meet them with compassion now I would
meet them with silent compassion I'll be
really [ __ ] honest with you because
I'm not gonna try to convince them I'm
not gonna argue with them I would be
like water and so if they tried to push
me it's very hard to push water so I
would yeah I would just let that roll
off me and I think you have to get very
good at that at understanding what
people are capable of at understanding
where they are mentally emotionally and
not try to worry about convincing them I
don't fall for the impossible to please
father routine which I know a lot of
people do but that is not something that
resonates with me so when I realize that
somebody's impossible to please or that
they're broken in their own ways I don't
spend my time trying to convince them of
my worth or anything else it's I will
love them for what they have to offer
and I think that totally writing off
your mom would be very very difficult
for you there's just something hardwired
in us to make that next to impossible
but I certainly wouldn't expect praise
from her I would not allow her to hold
any of my self-worth or anything and you
you have to totally detach yourself from
that it is not easy
there is much sadness that's going to be
around that but I think that it is
absolutely imperative that you not take
her opinion of you seriously now
separate the message from the messenger
if your mother ever has even in a
hateful way something that is real and
something that you want to address in
your life don't be afraid to stare at
that accept that and make that change
and grow and get better
but if she's saying things like you're
the worst thing the worst part of the
family chances are she's never gonna
recognize your improvement so don't
improve in the hopes of getting approval
from her don't improve with the hopes of
getting approval from her and just won't
work all right
we have very little time left probably
time for one more question from Mia
Jaffrey hi Tom how do I maintain faith
in myself when the people and power in
my field have very low trust in me even
when I have proved my ability multiple
times all right so here's the reality of
being so good that they can't ignore you
if they're ignoring you then chances are
you haven't proven yourself as far as
you think you have and so that's reality
I would HIGHLY encourage you to watch
genius on the story of Albert Einstein
season 1 what he does when the
establishment tells him that he's like a
total jackass and he doesn't know what
he's talking about and he barely passes
college and everybody just thinks that
he's this flighty guy and he can't get a
job at a university and so he's working
as a patent clerk watch what he does to
get acceptance and become the Albert
Einstein that we all know he doesn't
publish one groundbreaking theory he
publishes like three or four in the span
of something like 18 months they end up
still to this day being the most
important documents or breakthroughs in
physics and it's like he did it
literally because he had a chip on his
shoulder and people wouldn't pay
attention and so he had to go that far
to prove to people beyond a shadow of a
doubt that he was a real deal that he
had insights that people weren't taking
seriously so my thing is if you haven't
gone that far if you can still be
ignored if your detractors have enough
ammunition to shut you down
you just haven't gone far enough and I
get it that is not what people want to
hear but that is the God's honest truth
man if you can be ignored then by
definition you haven't gotten so good
that you can't be ignored focus all of
your time and attention into getting
better skill acquisition it is the only
thing the only promise I can make you if
you focus all of your time and energy
into the beauty the joy the wonderment
of skill acquisition not from a dark or
negative place but focus on how awesome
it is that as humans we can get
rate that things it's the one decision
you won't regret it is five years ten
years down the road whether that group
of people ever recognizes you or not you
will become so much better so focus all
of your time and energy there and don't
be afraid to look for another job if
people in your world don't recognize you
and if it's people industry-wide they
don't recognize you then we're back to
the Einstein problem you just haven't
gone far enough yet alright that's it
thank you guys so much for joining me as
always I love that you guys are
submitting your questions and today's
episode was brought to you by everything
is my fault go right now to shop dot
impact Theory comm get your self signal
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until next time my friends be a
legendary take care
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you