Kind: captions
Language: en
everybody welcome to a very tardy
edition of AMA live I'm your host Tom
Dooley oh and I'm going to be taking
your questions so submit them you can
submit them to while we're live anyway
you can submit them on Facebook and
YouTube right in the comments we have
the amazing chase and I think Cindy is
helping us as well going through the
comments so pulling out the amazing ones
and then when we're not live by the way
if you're listening to this on the
podcast at a later date you can also
submit your questions to connect at
impact Theory comm and in fact our very
first question is from Joe Lee via the
connecting box when pondering on a big
decision I find myself deciding on a
path of action but often wake up the
next morning thinking that course of
action could have been disastrous and
would have been the worst idea in the
world would you be able to provide some
insights into this sort of drastic
reversal in Stan's all right I think one
of the biggest problems that people face
is that they're afraid to take an action
any action quite frankly and it is
utterly fascinating to me the way the
human mind works and we have a really
hard time coming to a decision and
somebody told me I pretend that decision
is based on Latin and it literally I
mean the meaning is to cut something to
remove something and once you understand
that that's what deciding is it is
literally shutting doors and so I like
to think of it is all of us exist in a
room with a thousand doors and a
decision is when you close 999 of them
and walk through with aggression and
dominance through that door now if you
get to the other side of the door and
your worst fears actually start coming
true then go back then walk back through
the door and then choose another one but
don't just create panic in yourself if
you told me that this happened once then
it may just be that hey you really
thought better of it and you've got the
right answer now and you're ready to
move forward but when your subconscious
minds your dream states your next
morning how have you want to think of it
when all they do is say no it's not
helpful
so we can all imagine a thousand ways
that something can go wrong if you let
that paralyze you then you're never
going to decide shut the other doors
you're never going to go through one of
the doors and actually have the
opportunity to
make something happen so I really
believe indecision is the thing that's
going to ruin your life it is not making
a mistake making a mistake isn't that
problematic it's when you're afraid to
make a decision that you really run into
problems in your life and if you look
what what does everybody complain about
it is I mean we have like less than 7
percent unemployment I think and yet
that's everybody's big fear I'm gonna be
without a job it is certainly possible
that you would be without a job for a
while and that's scary and not fun
there's no question but the other 90 ish
percent I'm leaving some room for people
to actually love their jobs but the
other 90 some percent of the world
[ __ ] hate their jobs and all they
want to do is build that life that they
dream of to have the level of
satisfaction that they hunger for to
really be a deeply fulfilled individual
everybody on their deathbed all they
talk about is the things that they
didn't do so boys and girls I present to
you that the real problem you face is
not that you will make a mistake it is
not that you will go hungry it is not
that you will be on the streets
the real terrifying perspective future
is that you never take a chance that you
never pursue something that you might
end up loving that ends up bringing you
the kind of ailment that people long for
that is the danger that's the thing that
you should be afraid of and yet nobody
seems to be afraid of that so my advice
to you is charge through that door
whatever it is don't talk yourself out
of it it doesn't mean that you do it
thoughtlessly but you decide which one
of those thousand doors is the right one
to try and go for it and yes you're
going to be afraid and yes you're going
to panic don't let that stop you keep
going and see what actually happens
rather than what you're afraid will
happen all right
next question is from Steve Cain this is
on Facebook hi Tom - exclamation points
I feel like I have lost all credibility
with myself and I'm struggling to commit
to anything any advice on how to build
it back again yes so here's the one that
you've identified the fact that self
credibility is one of the most
important things in your life that's
huge so already you have a little bit of
credibility with yourself there you have
self-awareness you're not afraid to
admit the hard things do you see what
I'm doing I'm finding things that I
realize I'm already doing that I can
build some credibility with myself
around now I'm going to leverage that
stuff to start setting really small
micro goals that I know that I'm going
to achieve so one of the greatest goals
about the gym that I've ever heard is
I'm going to go to the gym and I forget
who told me this but they said I didn't
promise myself that I would work out I
promised myself that I would go to the
gym so if I go to the gym and I walk
inside you know what I'm just not
feeling it then I have every right to
turn around and go back home and leave
and I still will have done what I said I
was going to do now what I love about
that is the hard part is going getting
up getting dressed getting in the car
driving there that's the hard part it's
actually much easier to go in and maybe
even do a lame workout and then it
becomes easier while I'm here I'm doing
a lame workout maybe on this rep I'm
really gonna give it something maybe on
this set I'm gonna go all the way and
then all the sudden it becomes I'm gonna
work hard for 15 minutes in 30 minutes
in an hour whatever it is that you
wanted to do but the hard part is
getting there so the credibility with
yourself doesn't come from crushing
every single workout the credibility
with yourself comes from I told myself I
was gonna go every day and I went and
then as you build that credibility as
you build the routines and the habits
and things that get you to the gym then
you may want to set the next goal that
I'm gonna workout hard for five minutes
10 minutes 15 whatever it is and you
just keep stacking it but don't go right
away from I'm sitting on the couch and
I'm doing nothing and I'm gonna earn all
my credibility with myself by saying I'm
gonna get six-pack ABS and that's it and
then you only earn credibility with
yourself after you've lost 120 pounds or
whatever it's it's way too big now that
is different than setting big goals you
need big goals it needs to be something
that's exciting for you but when you're
talking about earning credibility make
sure there's things that you're not
gonna miss on alright so that is my
advice
step by step fine start with things
you're already doing right now like
self-awareness which is actually pretty
powerful and then going into setting new
goals that you're gonna do for yourself
every day that you know that you're
gonna hit I find that the two easiest
ones because there's
so part of a daily routine and here's a
third one that I just thought of so
you've got food so this is what I'm
gonna eat for the day and that's it
you've got exercise I'm gonna do this
and I'm not gonna miss days and then
another one that's super easy sleep I'm
gonna go to bed
bye whatever you input the time that
works for you for me it's 9 p.m. I'm
gonna go to bed at 9 p.m. here's another
one I'm gonna get out of bed in ten
minutes or less all their little [ __ ]
things but you can do them every day all
right so that's what I would do next
question turn up volume on podcast box
alright let's do it here we go testing
alright that took us into the orange so
we will stop there alright this next
question is from April Gledhill April
Gledhill via Facebook I have the hardest
time telling people no I find that I'm
bullied into doing things that I don't
want to do this is in work and love
everything what do you suggest ok so the
obvious answer is you need to just start
saying no but that is the world's worst
advice and when I ask people questions
like that in impact theory and they say
just do it I want to crawl over that
little table between us and strangle
them it drives me crazy so what is the
real answer you're really going to have
to prioritize yourself to do that you're
gonna have to address your belief system
and this is one of the easiest ways to
do that is through repetition so you
need to start reminding yourself that in
your life you are the single most
important person until you believe that
until that's actually a part of your
belief system you're never going to act
in accordance with it so you have I'm
gonna guess a deep sense of empathy for
other people you feel deeply connected
to them so when they ask for something
you also feel deeply uncomfortable
saying no and what you're dealing with
is that deep level of discomfort in
yourself it is nothing external maybe it
was trained into you but it doesn't
matter now it's in you and so what
you're actually fighting against is that
feeling so in order to get over that
feeling you've got to have that mental
pachenko machine where that feeling
encounters a belief system in your mind
and that belief system is that I need to
take care of myself first you're not
saying that you're better than anyone
else it's not
this is this is we all live our lives
from our perspective at the end of the
day each and every one of us needs to
look after our needs first and foremost
period so it doesn't make you a bad
person to say no so what I'm trying to
give you here are the belief system
elements that you're going to need to
deal with that feeling which is going to
be screaming at you on a chemical level
that you're a bad person you're doing
something bad but the truth is that
that's not true and so even if you just
have to get behind the notion that
you're going to fill other people's cups
from the overflow of your own cup so
finding your own gratitude finding your
own fulfilment your own satisfactions in
life and then from there you're going to
be able to help other people and just
repeat in your head even though this is
kind of cheesy that you can't fill other
people's cup from an empty cup so and
then you use the word bullying so I'm
gonna say here's one of the hardest
things to deal with with bullying at the
end of the day at some point the only
way to get bullies to leave you alone is
to say no is to show a sign of force of
resilience that you're going to stand up
for yourself bullies pick on the easy
target so remember this people treat you
exactly the way you let them treat you
so every time that you let them bully
you into a yes into doing something for
them it just trains them to do that the
next time and the first time that you
stand up for yourself it'll be very
jarring for them because they're not
used to that so they're gonna push back
again you're gonna have to say no again
and over time they're gonna realize
Jesus like they can't believe you
anymore it's gonna which of course they
don't perceive it as that but they're
gonna realize that they can't push you
into it cajole you into it anything
however they conceptualize it but it's
gonna come from you having to stand up
for yourself so the reality is at some
point as much as I don't want to say
just say no Nancy Reagan at some point
you literally have to just say no you
literally have to stand up for yourself
you have to be willing to face that
discomfort to live in that discomfort to
wallow in it to regale in it and in that
I can literally feel myself doing this
right now you have to build into your
mind a desire he desire to train
yourself
to sit in that discomfort to pride
yourself on your willingness to
literally say no and then hold eye
contact with them long after it becomes
uncomfortable when you can start doing
things like that and that becomes the
thing you're training into yourself
where you're practicing it sitting in
that desk that discomfort leaning into
it it's like me at the dentist when it
hurts and I want to push them away I
forced myself to open my mouth wider so
they can really get in there I don't
show any signs of discomfort and I do
that because I want to be proud of
myself I do that because I know that's
what I need my objective is to have
clean and healthy teeth my objective is
not to go through life without any pain
so in those moments which would be
deeply discomforting for you you're
going to have to learn to pride yourself
on saying no because it's going to take
you to the thing that you want and at
the end of the day it's all about what's
your goal and are you getting towards
your goal so in the way that you're
asking the question we know that you're
gonna have to learn to deal with that
discomfort alright Michael Richards this
is from YouTube when presented with the
opportunity to move into a career you
are passionate about what benchmarks
would you use before leaving a steady
lucrative yet fulfilling career you've
been at for years okay so I'm probably
the worst person to answer this question
because I love change and I have
absolutely no fear of loss I'm not
worried about the money and that has
been true for me even when I was broke
so that isn't just hey because I have
money now this was I was teaching I'd
been doing it for a while it was very
good at it I was rapidly moving up
through the company and then I had an
offer to go be a copywriter in another
company which was starting all over in a
totally new industry and I was so
excited by where it can go I didn't care
that it was a huge risk and so I
remember talking to my wife who was
insanely supportive and our whole thing
was met you might as well at least try
it and that was literally my attitude
man you might as well at least try it
you never know and this goes back to the
first question I was answering you
cannot live in indecision indecision
indecision my friends indecision is the
great destroyer of dreams
it is not failure you will learn
a failure you will learn absolutely
nothing from indecision
so I would say if you've thought through
it in a reasonable fashion and there's
at least a shot that it has of
succeeding or maybe even more
interesting that it's worth doing even
if the odds are stacked against you to
paraphrase Elon Musk when something is
worth doing even if the probable outcome
is failure
you should still do it so is this
something that's worth doing is it
something that's exciting to you gives
you more energy and as you look at what
the disaster scenario is can you live
with it and usually the disaster
scenario is you try this new thing it
utterly fails you're broke you maybe
have to move back in with your parents
live on a couch whatever the case may be
until you get your feet back under you
and get another job and here's the
reality you can always get another job
that's just real it may not be the job
you want but you can always get another
job so there it is
Micky Milankovitch hello Tom and IT team
by the way I just want to take a second
to note Mickey put the exclamation point
after IT you gotta love that Thank You
Mickey the often missing exclamation
point how does one overcome the problem
with perfectionism that often causes
procrastination and how does one focus
on one thing without being afraid that
he'll lose on the other I have a problem
with FOMO fear of missing out so
procrastination perfectionism I'm gonna
separate those two so procrastination
one isn't always a bad thing that's
probably the worst thing to tell
somebody who's a serial procrastinator
but if you're using it like read
Leonardo da Vinci by Walter Isaacson and
he talks about how much time Leonardo
spent procrastinating but Leonardo in
his own defense said that when you have
this thing you're trying to create that
you really that you really believe in
you're deeply passionate about it and
you've got a distant you can't [ __ ]
yourself in this one but it's something
that you're really passionate about
something that you're very excited about
and you want to get it right that what
you're doing instead of procrastinating
really is marinating on it now it is so
easy to slide into the realm of
[ __ ] that I would give yourself some
if this is something you really struggle
with give yourself some finite amount of
time that you know I'm only going to do
this XYZ so I'll do that a lot where
I'll bracket out time for me to think
and it's literally just open-ended
thinking now that could be a total waste
of time or it could really be something
and you guys have heard me talk about it
a thousand times call it think tating I
do it right after meditating and then
other times I'll do it throughout the
day we're all carve out really large
chunks of time and I have found that in
doing that and letting my mind wander
and letting it play and dance across the
things that it wants to dance across
that some percentage of the time that I
actually get a really powerful answer
now if you know that you do it to timewe
start putting constraints give yourself
ten minutes thirty minutes set a timer
whatever you need to do actually write
down the time in your calendar only do
it during that time at other times force
yourself to have metrics of productivity
Stephen King is the king of this and
every day he sets himself a number of
words that he has to write for the day
and if he finishes that by noon then
he's got the rest of the day to himself
if he doesn't finish it until midnight
then so be it so if you have those
metrics in place and you hit those great
if you corral your procrastination time
great and then in terms of perfectionism
I think it's amazing that you want
things to be perfect but just remember
what Steve Jobs said real artists ship
and there's something like only 14
paintings attributed to Leonardo da
Vinci because he left so many of them
unfinished so there is at the end of the
day something to getting things done so
you're gonna have to decide what's
important to you there's not necessarily
any moral obligation to be ultra
ambitious or anything like that now the
fact that you've end your question with
a statement about FOMO I wonder if some
of your procrastination has more to do
with going and hanging out and can I
just be a dick for a second I have no
[ __ ] sympathy here's the reality sell
your 20s and your 30s if you have to if
if and only if you were ambitious but
people that come to me and they're like
I really want this thing I want to do
this I want to achieve this I want to
have this oh but I go hang out with my
friends all the time and
even during the week I'm going and
hanging out I don't know what else to
say the reality is the thing that you
say you want you actually don't want
that badly until it's like something
that you were all in on you're gonna
have a thousand different excuses so if
that's your issue that it really is just
you're afraid of missing out on
something you haven't found that thing
yet that you oh I can't believe I use
that word you haven't developed the
thing that you're gonna go after you
haven't decided that you love that
feeling of being into something being
obsessed by it that you fan those flames
and I think this is where a lot of
people lose and I don't know if it's
just the nomenclature of using the word
find in regards to passion purpose
mission or if that nomenclature exists
because that's sort of the default
setting of most people and that's why
most people will never do anything with
their lives I honestly don't know but
here's the reality you can create stroke
develop a passion an obsession a mission
a purpose all of that is crafted no one
is literally known as born with it no.10
people are born with a mission a passion
a purpose so the only question becomes
why does it seem like some people have
an easier time creating that in their
life
I would for those listening to the
podcast I shrugged I don't know but
here's the reality don't waste your time
on film oh please create something in
your life that you actually want badly
enough whatever that thing is lean into
it go all-in pour yourself into it if
you're ambitious if you're not ambitious
embrace that there's no obligation that
anyone has to be ambitious Patrick
Rivera writes Tom rapidfire should I be
patient or work with urgency
I'm tamping back to fury in my soul
right now urgency is the only answer
patience is the most ridiculous concept
I've ever heard so you need to go
all-out every day knowing that it's
going to take you years and years and
years so this is not entitlement
I would like to differentiate
entitlement
patience if you are acting entitled and
think you should have it all right now
sure you need patience if on the other
hand you want to accomplish something
great in your life it will never happen
without urgency the people that that
achieve at the highest levels went
all-out every day for years and years
and years it is the only way to win Rob
Gering hey Tom quick question for you
whenever I brainstorm about my business
by writing it down I always top half way
through I just can't seem to get my
ideas on paper even though they were in
my head it is almost like writer's block
do you have any suggestions to be more
efficient in this absolutely and there
is a man oh why can I picture him so
clearly he wrote the game truth Neil
Strauss NiO Strauss says writer's block
is [ __ ] so I'm just gonna second
that at the end of the day force
yourself to write get words on paper and
I get it you may not be impressed or
inspired by your writing in fact you may
be downright embarrassed there's
absolutely absolutely nothing stopping
you from putting words on paper other
than yourself so if you have to practice
the two bad pages every morning it's a
Tim Ferriss technique get to 'bad pages
down in your journal and just start
publishing that [ __ ] that's the reality
if your ideas are strong enough they're
gonna survive even if they're in
eloquently articulated it used to take
me brace yourselves
it used to take me nine hours I took
nine hours to write an Instagram post
that's so embarrassing I want to assault
myself in a dark alley so we're not
going to do that finally what I realized
was I'm gonna give myself 20 minutes you
have 20 minutes to write this post and
all of a sudden I got 80% of the way to
my 9 hour post in 20 minutes and I
thought it was absurd that I spent so
long trying to make it that perfect that
was some writer's block [ __ ] now
I'll do six posts in 20 minutes no joke
so boys and girls get stuff out
stop being so precious write it down
move on refine your ideas let that
next over not being good enough propel
you to do more not less Sarah Hughes is
from YouTube hey Tom I'm a manager at a
pizzeria pizzas amazing and thank you
for your service I have a hard time
getting employees to do their job
because I am a pushover and want
everyone to like me so I let them slack
do you have any suggestions I have many
suggestions
buckle-up number one as of right now
stop being a pushover you're telling
yourself a story about yourself and that
story is that you're a pushover that's
absolutely not true you're not going to
let it be true anymore so here's the
reality if you want to get anything in
your life my friend you've got to become
extraordinary at that thing now you're
in a position of leadership that's
amazing being a leader is not about
slapping people around and getting them
to do what matches their job description
it's about showing them how to achieve
greatness in their own life so you're
going to be doing them a service by
saying ok guys we're going to set a goal
for this pizzeria and look some of them
are going to leave and they need to
[ __ ] leave but we're gonna set a goal
for this pizzeria and we're gonna become
let's say if it's a chain that would
make it nice and easy we're gonna become
the best performing chain in our
district region whatever and then keep
going until we're gonna be the best in
the state because let me tell you if I
came into a pizzeria I'm going to have a
mat I'm gonna transform that [ __ ]
business and I'm gonna roll up thinking
like that I'm gonna get people amped up
I'm gonna get them excited I'm gonna
show them how much they can do I took a
ragtag group of gang members some blood
some Crips on the same production line
and helped them become the best protein
bar manufacturers on the planet and
that's what we focused on we focused on
getting great and I watched them blossom
and realize that they'd never had
anybody hold them to a standard before
they've never had anybody pushed them to
be better than they thought they could
be they'd never had anybody that
believed that they could grow and get
better over time and that was
intoxicating to them so lead with that
stop being a pushover start telling
yourself a new story set [ __ ] goals
everything comes down to the goals so
set some amazing incredible exciting
goals and then start getting better as a
leader and grinding it out
it's all gonna come from you've got to
set the tone so at first you're not
gonna walk in and make the big
proclamations you can just start talking
about what you're gonna do for yourself
you know what I'm excited to push myself
I really want to do something great with
the store and I'm just gonna start you
know working way harder I'm gonna push
more I'm gonna read I'm gonna bring in
what I learned all that stuff your
elevated performance will inspire some
of them not all of them the ones that
start to be like whoa you really like
doing a great job then you want to
encourage them to do the same you're
gonna have to trim the staff if they
don't respond then you're gonna start
setting the goals you're gonna lay it
out if you don't own the pizzeria work
with your boss who by the way when you
say I'm gonna set a goal to make this
the best pizzeria in the state or
increase our revenue or a profitability
whatever the goal is gonna be they're
gonna love that so that's my suggestion
Zack James is next up to bat this is
from Facebook what is your definition of
self-awareness how would you suggest
differentiating between what you're
naturally good at and what is ego lastly
what book skills would you suggest to
utilize in order to become more
self-aware
all right self-awareness is the ability
to recognize that you're having a
reaction to rapidly identify what is
causing that reaction and then the
underlying like real nitty-gritty thing
that is the cause of that so I know
we've got two causes there so I'm gonna
break it down one reaction I'm angry
well that's weird why am i angry I'm
angry because somebody tried to take my
food why am i angry about somebody
trying to take my food I've got an issue
with personal space it's mine and it
just seems just and then ding ding ding
it triggers like this sense of fear of
weakness in me and now I have this
really uncomfortable feeling of I don't
want to have to fight for my food
because I'm afraid that I'm gonna get
beaten up whatever right but once you
get to that thing about yourself that is
just the raw naked truth about why
you're angry about someone trying to
take your food because if someone tried
to take my food I would start with the
amusement because it would be so weird
and so random then because I'm not
afraid to stand up for myself I would
tell them to stop I would take my food
back and it would only escalate to like
weirdness and
sure to me if blows start being thrown
because I'm not confident in my ability
to fight but I would rapidly assess whoa
hey I have an ease about this and then I
can decide whether I want to address it
or not so being able to rapidly grow go
through that process that is
self-awareness how would you suggest
differentiating between what you're
naturally good at and what is ego I
don't think people are really naturally
good at much I think they might have
gotten early wins and so that fed into
them practicing it more so I don't like
the ego part of that is you could say
thinking that you're better than other
people but I far more terrifying part is
whether it's insecurity or some
manifestation of ego which is usually
insecurity anyway where you stop being
open to learning new things because you
like the identity of yourself as the
master so I would say be very careful
with that you cannot learn that which
you believe you already know that's
quote that's not me it's an amazing
quote I forget who said it but live by
that [ __ ] lastly what books skills would
you suggest utilize in order to become
more self-aware
I don't know that these will actually
help you become more self-aware but
anything written by v/s Ramachandran
david eagleman
that talked about the way that the brain
works those have been very beneficial
for me and understanding biases and
things cognitive biases but the real
thing to help me become more self-aware
was that the thing that I walked you
through before hey I'm having a reaction
it's a strong reaction catching myself
in that and then trying to identify the
dual-layered cause of that so there it
is frivolous TV welcome back by the way
this is from YouTube what is your
relationship with money look like has it
always been like this who helped you
better your relationship with money so
my relationship with money used to be a
total and complete obsession I wanted to
be rich it was the driving obsession of
my life and I suffered for nearly a
decade because I wanted it so badly I
was chasing it blindly and not worrying
about the neurochemical realities of my
day-to-day life so that was a misery and
it's all all the things that I went
through there or what people mean when
they say that money can't buy happiness
now money is insanely powerful it's
actually more powerful than you think it
is it just
at all what you've been told so my thing
was I thought that money was going to
not only allow me to buy things
facilitate my dreams all of that which
was always a part of my fascination with
money but I also thought it would make
me feel about myself the way that I felt
about other people who were rich which
it absolutely does not so I looked at
people that had built companies and done
all this amazing stuff to gain their
wealth I looked at them with absolute
adoration and I thought that I would
have that same adoration and admiration
for myself
if I got rich and it just isn't the way
that it works so I have lived through a
really fascinating scenario which is I
did not make my money sort of slowly
over time we built a business that went
from we didn't we weren't taking money
out of the business at all at all at all
for years and years and years and years
and then like year five or six I think
like one big massive lots of commas lots
of zeros hit my bank account in a binary
moment in a binary moment I went from
very wealthy on paper which is exactly
the same as being poor to being very
wealthy in bank account and so it was so
sudden and I realized wow the money
while exciting amazing because it's
gonna let me facilitate my dreams it
does not at all impact how I feel about
myself from one second to the next I
feel exactly the same now in becoming
the person that I had to become to build
the business regardless of its ultimate
success becoming the person that was
able to do all of the things that we had
to do in order to build the business to
have lived through all the failures
leading up to that point to live through
the other successes that came and went
now that made me proud of who I was that
changed my perspective on myself that
all changed my belief about who I was
and what I was capable of diving deep
into the growth mindset that had a
tremendous impact on myself my vision of
myself my life and was quite frankly the
thing that allowed me to build a
business but the money didn't change
anything so I have a very nonchalant
relationship with money I love it it's
super powerful I'm very grateful that I
have it I'd be lying if I said I didn't
do things to do what
can to protect it but I also not afraid
to take risks with it so Alisa and I are
spending millions of dollars on impact
theory because we believe that that will
allow us to do it the right way but it's
huge risk maybe it won't pay off and we
may find ourselves having lost just
millions and millions and millions of
dollars when all is said and done and
I'm just not worried about it
so one the only thing I there's two
things that I'm afraid of my wife dying
because I'm just way into that chick and
then brain damage because there ain't no
coming back from it so those two things
scare me everything else and would suck
to lose the money but you can always
build it back first of all and then
second the only thing that really
matters in life I promise is what you
think about yourself when you're by
yourself that matters and that matters a
lot the game you're playing isn't money
it's not success it is brain chemistry
next question Heather errand this is
from Facebook what do you do when you're
not fulfilled at your job but are
surrounded by great leaders stay and
wait it out I don't take good leaders
for granted so I would say it's amazing
that you've got these leaders around you
and if what you're learning from them is
worth the fact that you don't like your
job and you feel like it's progressing
you and that you're going to be able to
leverage that stuff to go build the life
of your dreams great it's like anything
when you're learning there's gonna be
some downsides but make sure that you
understand that you're learning make
sure that the rate of knowledge is fast
enough dense enough to be worth the
sacrifices that you're making and the
second that it's not get out so I I just
don't understand I think the most rapid
way to hating your life is to hate your
job you spend over 50% of your waking
hours at work and remember there are
gonna be amazing leaders in companies
that are more aligned with your core
values that are helping you be more
fulfilled that might be more exciting to
you so while I won't say that there's an
overabundance of great leaders in the
world I I wouldn't agree that there is a
dearth I think there's a lot of people
out there that are solid to truly
extraordinary leaders and if you get
good at interviewing the leadership at a
company
as good as they are at interviewing you
then I think you can really find
something that fits so there you have it
but congratulations on being around
great leaders that's amazing and will
accelerate your learning no question
kela Herrera Facebook how is David
Goggins influenced your life if nothing
else it has shown me just how much more
a human being is capable of than I
already thought I already thought humans
were capable of some pretty
extraordinary [ __ ] but his whole notion
of when you were at your breaking point
you don't think you're capable of giving
anything else you're only 40% of the way
there
I love that and then it gave me just
like a mantra it gave me someone to
visualize when I need that extra bit to
really push myself and it's the Richard
Bannister why does that sound wrong the
four-minute mile guy anybody anybody
anyway the guy that broke the
four-minute mile he was the first person
to do it that record had stood forever
no one could break it they thought it
was impossible people were saying your
heart will explode if you tried Roger
Bannister there we go
your heart will explode if you cross the
four-minute mile he just didn't buy that
and he kept going kept going until he
finally broke it so now imagine a record
stands for all of human history one guy
breaks it and then three like three
weeks later a dozen people had broken I
mean it's crazy people just needed to
know that it was possible
so David Goggins is my Roger Bannister
of suffering sim land he's gonna be here
soon like really soon when is he here
Wow sim we're all excited it's gonna be
amazing
Tom if you had the godlike power I like
where this question is going of creating
a utopian human society but in so doing
eradicating suffering would you do it or
would you maintain the scenario where
humans have to still suffer so they
could learn from it oh dear god this is
an amazing question and my gut instinct
while it could be wrong Mike I'm gonna
take the word utopian out and I'll or
I'll add instead a word a supposed
utopian human society because I utopian
implies that actually is amazing and if
I could create a society that I knew was
a
truly amazing meaning that the brain
chemistry state the experience was just
unequaled it really was amazing and
anybody in that situation that tried
both one were they had to suffer to
learn and one were they were in that
utopian society everybody would take
that utopian society I would create the
utopian society but assuming that that
actually isn't possible with the way
that humans are wired then I would say
definitely suffering this is so powerful
but now let's ask the really quick crazy
question and for those of you paying
attention to what impact theory studios
is doing we're actually writing a comic
book that is dealing with some of these
issues and so this is gonna be fun what
would you do if you could augment the
brain and you could literally rewire it
to not require suffering or you could
rewire it with a different set of this
isn't the quite the right word but a
different value system so that they
didn't even need progress they didn't
need advancement which right now I would
say is one of the fundamental building
blocks of human fulfillment is progress
but what if that wasn't like that's
literally nature's way of making sure
that we procreate and that we're able to
protect our young but what if that
wasn't an issue so that's where it
starts to get really fascinating and
potentially super dangerous so right now
I would say probably best left alone
suffering is amazingly powerful but I
will watch with growing curiosity as AI
and computer brain interfaces become a
thing to how far we can push it because
I'm all about that cyborg life all right
next up Eric Scott Williams Tom I have a
medical procedure that though it's
needed seems to go against my goals of
getting out of debt 12 K after insurance
it's not a procedure required sir from
forest survival but will improve quality
of life what would you do in this
situation I would have the surgery so
I'm like living in a world where it's
really improving my quality of life in a
meaningful way dude the whole point of
life is not to be out of that the whole
point of life is brain chemistry so if
you're telling me that it makes your
life better you're still going to be
able to get out of debt 12k sucks but
it's not exactly a mountain of crushing
debt so at one point in my life I was
$25,000 in debt
and while it
wasn't fun it was really [ __ ]
manageable and it just meant that I
couldn't go out and do all the things
that I wanted to do and in my darkest of
hours it was paying some bills this
month and some bills the next month
none of it fun not saying I enjoyed that
I'm just saying if what you're doing is
going to increase your quality of life
and you can judge how much the
additional 12 K is going to be a burden
on you I would do it but then I'm not
super weird like if I had to move back
in with like my mom or something or I
had to sleep on a couch right to live
with five guys in a studio apartment I
would do it the actual solution that I
did by the way for anybody who's really
paying attention I managed apartment
complexes and so my rent was at one
point nothing and then another point
$100 and then at another point $400 and
it was going up only because I was
getting better and better apartments so
there are so many things that you could
do to make that not a problem and then
and then there's always make more money
and I'm so curious to know if people
Hackl did that because that's a weird
reaction to me in fact the very first
thing that I would have gone to was make
more money acquire more skills do more
like I remember people thought and this
this is horrific advice but I didn't
save for retirement and the reason I
didn't save for retirement was because I
always planned on getting rich and every
action that I took was to do that and it
worked so there's always the option and
I'm not saying get rich and trust me
when I say don't sell years of your life
being miserable in the hope that one day
you will be rich make the demand that
you make more money doing something that
you love even more and I think if you
make that demand you will find that that
can actually come true so that's all I
have to say about that Jose Gabriel
Gonzalez Facebook Tom given that you are
a man of obsession who takes his life
mission to the extreme how do you
approach your leisure time no joke with
the same obsession how do you justify to
yourself spending time watching movies
and or playing video games for example
when that is time that could be spent
working on your goals all right my man
I'm so grateful for this question first
of all you will note that I play video
games with my wife because I want my
relationship to grow stronger so I find
that things like that I've got to have a
secondary thing to make it worth doing
so for instance for almost 15 years I
saw virtually zero movies and zero TV
and then one day I realized whoa we're
becoming a studio my whole life is
finally coming full circle but I didn't
start watching movies and TV again until
God is probably about November so that
meant even 11 months into building a
[ __ ] studio I still wasn't watching
TV's and movies because I couldn't
justify it the video games is also a way
to spend quality time with my wife
reading nonfiction I do it once a year I
may have to start doing it more but
again it would be for the studio but
right now I read nonfiction once that's
a lie my wife and I now listen to auda
audible fiction together as a way to
spend quality time it's actually really
fun because we're together sometimes we
do it like and she likes just sit
between my legs and so we're just
literally hugging and listening to a
book which is soup I never would have
guessed that that would be so
emotionally satisfying for me there's
something about the amount of oxytocin
or something vasopressin
that I'm secreting during that listening
to the story cuddling with my wife it's
super dope so but that's like that's how
my life always is it there's always dual
actions and then video games
another thing practicing going from the
sympathetic nervous system to the
parasympathetic nervous system now I
think when people hear like that I don't
just relax they think that I'm unhappy I
[ __ ] love it understand all the
things that I preach it because I really
dig it I like being obsessed I love that
about myself I get a neurochemical rush
from being obsessed will you allow me
one example when altered carbon was
announced which I spoiler alert' [ __ ]
hated when it was announced it's
everything I love its cyberpunk it's
dealing with like AI it's dealing with
future technology and augmentation
and living forever it's visually it
looks like Blade Runner
it's serialized show so you can go from
one episode to the next and I watch the
trailer and I remember thinking this
could go one of two ways this could
either be amazing or it could be total
crap but I love having something that
I'm excited about
I love having something that I'm
obsessed with so I started fanning those
flames telling everybody how excited I
was really embodying the excitement and
so the week or two leading up to alter
carbon I was jasmine I was super stoked
on that the actual act of being obsessed
and excited about something that I care
about is in and of itself fun so even
though it ended up being terrible and I
did not enjoy it in any way shape or
form and for my detailed thoughts go to
youtube.com forward slash impact Theory
studios impact theory studios and we did
a whole breakdown of it even though I
didn't like it it didn't diminish the
enjoyment that I had leading up to it so
once you learn how to do that in your
life you can actually enjoy the
obsessions and find things like healthy
eating you can actually have fun being
obsessed about that now you can also
take it to the [ __ ] level and nobody
invites you out anymore but that's a
whole nother talk but like things like
that like really getting amped about
what you're trying to accomplish that
[ __ ] is fun at least for me all right
Jordan Robinson's Facebook do you have
any strategic pointers to become a paid
speaker in developing this as lucrative
career yes I do
Jordan it goes like this whatever it is
that you want to get paid to speak about
go get really [ __ ] good at that
execute against that for a decade or
more then go speak that really is the
way it is crazy
speaking is so much fun because you
could really impact people's lives and
doing it in person there's really no
substitute for that getting that
feedback getting to talk to people
afterwards by the way if you ever see me
at a speaking gig I want to take selfies
I want you to come up and say can I take
a picture people always really sheepish
about that dude it is so fun to know
that you've impacted people and it is
absolutely 100 percent amazing only if
you're actually [ __ ] good at that
thing that you're talking about I would
hate speaking if I didn't have deep
expertise and the thing that I
speaking about so my advice if you
really want that to be a fun and amazing
movement in your life first totally
forget about doing that and just go get
really [ __ ] good at something find
the love and the passion and the equal
level excitement for that thing and then
the rest will take care of itself
Alberto garzo Ocampo hi Tom I have low
self-esteem because I haven't achieved
anything special when I start having
momentum with my goals I start to panic
over the fact that there are people out
there better than me how can I correct
my thinking overcome this so first of
all dude there's always gonna be
somebody better than you so don't it's
not even that I'll say don't worry about
that cuz I really do want to be the best
but follow me on my logic train here for
a second I simultaneously hold these two
ideas in my head I'm gonna become the
greatest of all time no one is ever
going to be better than me and I know
nothing and I need to learn learn learn
everyone is my master in some way
virtually everybody I encounter is
better than me it's insanity when you
can hold those two competing ideas in
your head and not sketch out and not be
demoralized by the fact that people are
better than you but instead excited that
it will be so easy to find people that
are going to teach you that you can
learn from and really be excited about
how what you're learning what is being
taught to you what you're employing in
your life is going to allow you to
consume the world to one by one the
student will become the master over and
over and over again it's pretty
fascinating to live in that dichotomy
that duality if you will it will serve
you well
I am never worried about the fact that
there are people way better than me
because all I think about my total
obsession that thing that sits at the
core of my identity like the Sun
radiating out warmth on a long enough
time line I will beat anyone at anything
and that long enough time line part
becomes the thing that helps me through
the periods where I'm terrible where
other people are better than me where
they're way farther ahead than me all of
that but I never let it slow me down
because I know that I'm willing to be in
Goggins style
relentlessness stay in pursuit of that
thing longer than anyone else I will
just go longer harder farther I won't
break when other people are giving up I
will just keep going when you have that
everything just becomes a question of
timeline so build that into your life
it's gonna seem fake at first tell
yourself that story enough it will start
becoming real just stick with it all you
have to do by the way for that story to
be real it's just not give up so when
you want to give up just don't in that
just don't give up you can slow down
instead of sprinting you can walk just
don't ever [ __ ] stop and as long as
you don't stop you have stayed true to
the fact that you were the person that
doesn't give up and you keep going
alright
shiva kashi wala that is a name i can
get behind
going back to making money are you
saying it is not possible to make money
with your why everyone says to dig
deeper but are you saying financial
freedom can't be someone's motivation to
achieve that yes I am saying that making
money for me is a horrific why but if
it's legitimately your why and let's
paint a picture let's say that you grew
up in a household where money was scarce
and you never knew where the next next
meal was going to come from could you
get so interested and so fascinated with
the protective qualities of money that
you really even that it's really about
the protective qualities look with the
way that I think I can't do it every
time I try to like come up with some
[ __ ] thing where people are really
just into the money I just can't do it
the closest that I ever got to was
Warren Buffett that [ __ ] really
seems like he just cares about the money
but the truth is what I think he cares
about is winning and when you think of
him as an athlete and money is just the
scorecard then it's like he's just
trying to become the greatest athlete of
all time okay I can respect that but it
doesn't seem like for anybody it's just
about the money because money is
literally inert in and of itself it does
nothing even if you want to extract its
heat potential you have to first light
it on fire so money is in and of itself
totally inert it only has value because
we agree it has value it is utterly
meaningless until you give it meaning
and so then I would say that the thing
that you have the meaning that you have
you'd it with becomes a thing that you
actually care about if it's a scorecard
fantastic if its its ability to
facilitate your dreams which is my huge
driver fantastic like whatever it is it
really is that meaning so yes I am
saying that there you have it alright
this is got time for two more Krystal
Murray YouTube how does a person with a
history of an eating disorder stay
focused on being healthy but still care
about their image while looking to break
into the media industry okay so it's
it's layered so first of all battling an
eating disorder is something where
you're gonna need somebody from the
outside because you have body dysmorphia
you know you can't trust yourself and so
have somebody that you trust that will
give you real feedback and if you're
looking great and you're being super
strict and religious about your diet but
you're looking good
your blood markers are on point then
great and whether people a perfect
example of this is furious Pete so he
went from being anorexic to being a
bodybuilder and he says look I pay
attention to my blood markers I know
what it felt like to be anorexic because
people are saying you just went from
anorexia to bigger Exia and he was
saying that's not what happened and it's
a whole different cascade of emotional
feelings and the state of obsession and
all of that and assuming that he's
watching his biomarkers and things
even though he's now got that obsession
for his physique it's not something that
is diminishing his life in any way so
that's really what it comes down to is
do you have something an external metric
that is either somebody you care about
that you know and trust that's gonna
give you honest feedback are you working
with a doctor or self educating yourself
on biomarkers are you paying attention
to your biomarkers so I think the
natural outcropping of looking good is
usually feeling good now we have to be
careful about how we define look good
but being strong having high performance
and a reasonable level of body fat I
think is going to correlate pretty
naturally to good biomarkers feeling
good and looking good
so you start carrying too much fat
you're not gonna feel good you start
carrying too little fat by the way and
you're not gonna feel good most of the
photos that you see on Instagram and
Elle
where if your sub say 8% body fat it
starts to suck and your body is really
pushing back against that now there's
gonna be some people of course genetic
variation they can stay a little bit
lower but for the most part yeah you
sort of in that range and then again on
the high end it can be problematic as
well all right Marilyn mesquita Facebook
hi Tom what's the best way to get out of
your comfort zone stop being afraid of
speaking in front of so many people when
you're so shy thank you it's gotta be
based on a goal there's got to be
something that you want I don't think
there's any intrinsic need to get up and
speak in front of people but if that's
something that you want if there's some
thing that that does that you're really
excited about then it's really about
emergent there would be practicing it
doing it over and over and over and
putting yourself in an environment where
you don't mind really failing may I
suggest Toastmasters that's exactly what
they're there for to allow you to speak
but everybody's a speaker everybody
knows the anxiety and the terror that
often goes along with that so they're
gonna be very supportive so if you have
to go up and Lois house did a whole
breakdown of this where he first he
started he was like sweaty palms he had
no cars and he had to read verbatim off
to no cars and he couldn't look up and
then the next one was he saw to read off
the note cards but occasionally he would
look up and then it was he could just
put bullet points on a note card and
then it was he didn't need no cards and
then it was he was actually getting good
at it and then by the end of it he was
getting standing ovations and getting
paid to speak so just over and over and
over and over
really really practicing that but you've
got to have something on the end of that
that you really care about that you
really want that you're willing to push
and suffer for all right we have time
for one more you just want to see me say
this new cool dev so I think this is a
fake name so I won't hurt myself too bad
the cool dev rocks
Potti dear Tom you talked about
ruthlessly pursuing dreams but at the
same time you speak about sleeping
properly doesn't ruthless pursuit mean
less sleep to everybody listening lean
in absolutely [ __ ] not and let me
tell you why
the only thing that matters is
efficiency of thought being cognitively
optimized now if
you can find a place where you're able
to get away with it I'm all for it if
you need nine hours but you find it
seven you're just fine and you're
crushing it
hey no beef get the extra two hours if
on the other hand you find that you're
performing sub-optimally and be honest
with yourself when I am tired I am
performing sub-optimally I know that
about myself I also consider being tired
like that sleepy fatigued I'm all for
sleepy is a unique form of torture I
[ __ ] hate it so I literally don't
want to exist in that state a and B I
find that I don't perform well there now
I used to until about a month and a half
ago I used to get about five to six
hours of sleep at night and I was rock
salt I felt great I was cognitively
optimized look you guys have seen all my
content I doubt you can tell the
difference between when I was getting
five and six hours and now where I'm
getting between seven and nine which is
super [ __ ] weird and I am really
trying to figure out what is going on
I'd love to need less sleep but because
I don't use an alarm clock I get the
amount of sleep that my body needs so
those are not two mutually exclusive
things but you're going to need to get
deadly efficient with your time so one
part of getting efficient to me is
getting the sleep that you need to also
I pride myself on longevity so think
about this can you accomplish more in
your life if you're working you know
let's say twenty hours a day for twenty
years or if because you truncated your
life by getting so little sleep are you
gonna be beat by the guy that lives for
a hundred and ten years because he's
getting all the sleep needs but is only
working let's say sixteen hours a day I
think it's pretty clear just on an
hour-by-hour basis that the other guy is
going to crush you so that's also
something to factor into what you
accomplish in your life but for me
cognitive optimization not being
fatigued having deep efficiency and my
ability to get things done and longevity
those all make it just an absolute
no-brainer for me to get as much sleep
as I need but if you find that you've
got you know a magic formula in there to
slim it out man go for it it just
doesn't work for me all right there it
is
we're at the end eleven straight up
today's episode by the way it was
brought to you by do the work
go right now to shop that impact Theory
coms all about self signaling get
yourself the shirt remind yourself of
who you're trying to be we've got some
really empowering ideology there so
check it out thank you guys as always
for the questions I am super stoked that
you guys put questions in after this
episode you can still send them to
connect at impact theory calm it is
amazing by the way if this content is
adding value to your life please share
it also subscribe if you haven't already
that would be amazing and while I'm
making all the asks go to Amazon and
leave a review for my Alexa skill if
you're in on that and go to iTunes to
leave a review for the podcast that
would be amazing help alright guys thank
you so much again if you haven't already
be sure to subscribe and to tell next
time be legendary
take care
you