Kind: captions
Language: en
what is up everybody welcome to another
episode of AMA live I am your host with
the most tom bill you and i'm taking
your questions so start submitting those
bad boys and i'd like to say that
today's episode is brought to you by the
grit t-shirt if you don't already have a
whole host of self signaling items in
your closet head over right now to shop
that impact theory dot-com and get yours
and also just as a notice to anybody
that cares about health we're launching
a new show called health theory
tentatively scheduled for February 28th
which I'm very excited about so we've
already got four episodes in the can I
think they are fantastic so hopefully
you guys will join me in that and the
greatest irony of my life is that when I
was at quest nutrition everybody wanted
to know why the protein bar guy was
talking about mindset and now everybody
wants to know why the mindset guys
talking about health oh the irony it's
too funny but to me they're just
connected in ways they will never be
able to be taken apart your mind and its
ability to function at an optimal level
is tied so inextricably to your body or
physicality what shape you're in your
ability to generate energy at a cellular
level all of that so that's what that
show is going to be exploring is really
the intersection of mind and body so I
hope that you guys will join me again
that's called health theory and it's
dropping February 28th so keep your eyes
peeled alright first question is from
Carrie a glaze all glaze probably all
glaze one topic I would love for you to
cover is how to get through the feeling
lost stage I feel like I have my mind
right I'm endlessly and easily inspired
and tuned into I'm tuned in tapped in
and turned on and have this feeling that
I'm on the brink of something huge but
I'm not sure what it is or where to
funnel this energy in power okay so here
is the amazing news it's great that you
have a lot of energy that you're clearly
optimistic you're excitable that's all
wonderful now here's the really bad news
it's all a fake feeling and until you're
actually clear on what it is you're
trying to accomplish and until you're
actually
taking steps to do that it's just a
feeling and I think that a lot of people
get lost in that so you've got two camps
you've got the people that nothing ever
seems to really spark for them they're
not excitable they're not excited about
anything and that's a death trap and
then you've got people over here where
they're excited by everything they
bounce in a thousand different
directions
everything looks exciting they start
something stop and start the next stop
bad start the next stop that start the
next on and on and on and that's a death
trap
so the reality is that the whole point
of all of this is to find my daughter is
joined to find that door amongst the
other 999 doors that you're going to
leave open and you're gonna shut all the
other ones the ability to shut in fact
decide
I think it's Latin but basically means
to cut so it's more about the things
you're going to not do than it is about
the thing that you're going to do now
going back to the word lost a lot of
this comes to how you define at the time
in my life where I felt lost was where I
knew what I wanted to do but I had no
idea how to do it so even once you shut
all those doors to cut those things out
then there that may not in and of itself
solve the feeling loss problem then it
becomes okay I know what I want to do
but what's that actual path to execution
that's a whole another question that I
will save for another day but just know
step number one is you're in a room with
a thousand doors and shut 999 of them
without worry about the repercussions go
through a door and through engaging with
it acting trying to figure it out you'll
realize whether that's the right door or
not don't let yourself be paralyzed so
literally shut doors at random put the
the five things that you really care
about and you're wondering which one you
should go with in a hat and pick one do
anything you need to do in order to move
forward
all right next question is from Olympia
Lapointe are Olympia Lapointe Olympia
Lapointe is in the feed right now
amazing first of all Olympia was one of
our guests amazing literally a rocket
scientist so go check it out phenomenal
story great episode of impact theory in
Olympia
come to the feet amazing to have you
what can you share about mental health I
love what you're doing would love to be
on more shows to help people see the
importance of mental health and thoughts
impact theory is great thank you very
much what tips do you share about true
genuine mental mental health and
building it so let's separate between
mental health issues meaning you're
starting at a negative starting point
and you're trying just to get back to
zero and then mental health mental
health as in I'm starting at zero and I
really want to work out and improve and
get better so if you're starting at a
negative one getting over the stigma of
that I think is absolutely critical so
first and foremost people need to
understand that just like the body
breaks down has issues can fatigue can
get in in literal disarray you need to
address that problem which even in the
mind I assure you is coming from a
physical manifestation now the weird
thing about the mind is that physical
manifestation may be a cause of your
thoughts and it's go read Norman Doidge
who's on my book list he wrote a book
called the brain that heals itself and
he talks about how thoughts become
physically manifest so it's pretty
interesting how what you're experiencing
is this physical manifestation but it
may have started from thought and that's
where it gets really weird and
complicated but it could also be things
like dysbiosis of the gut which is a
massive impact on neurotransmitters and
the neuropharmacology of your brain and
so the physical manifestation may not
just be the things you're thinking about
though if we really want to make this
painful and complicated we will realize
that our thoughts then communicate to
our microbiome I'm microbiome then
communicates back to our thoughts within
solidify things in the mind so that [ __ ]
is complicated so getting someone
getting over the stigma so that you can
work with someone that can actually help
you through this I think it's really
really important and if I can give a
shout-out to my beloved wife who's I G
feed is electrifying check that [ __ ] out
at Lisa bill you she's really going hard
on talking about the most vulnerable
difficult things to talk about
in her feed and I think it hopefully is
a boon for a lot of people that
understand whatever it is that you're
suffering from just being able to talk
about it is first and foremost so I
would say that's the most empowering
thing about mental health is just being
able to say I have anxiety I have
depression schizophrenia like whatever
the case may be not being afraid to talk
about it and understanding that many
many many of these things can be made
fantastically better through things as
simple as cognitive behavioral therapy
which I talked about with Seth Godin
which cannot wait for you guys to see
that episode of impact Theory Seth is
just absolutely amazing and he talks
about the power of cognitive behavioral
therapy which I highly encourage you
guys to read more about or you may need
to medicate and that may be the starting
point and read Daniel a man's work
making a good brain great I think is a
great place to start for that and he
said that taking like medication for
anxiety is actually really bad for the
brain but the only thing that's worse
and worse by a lot his anxiety itself so
getting over some of the fears we have
talking about it and that you may need
the medication to get a jump-start
doesn't mean that you're gonna live
there or stay there forever maybe just
something to address an acute problem
okay so that's like getting back to zero
talking about it seeking help now if you
want to really get into mental fitness
which is maybe an even better word than
just mental health then it becomes all
the things that we talk about here
reading first and foremost setting a
goal working towards it making sure that
you're actually making progress
understanding that the human is wired to
adapt grow and learn but you have to put
yourself in a stressor adaption response
cycle so you put yourself under stress
whether that's trying to learn something
new whether it's dance or in this case
olympia Lapointe
with rocket science that all of that is
learn about and so putting yourself on
the path to learn grow and get better at
that stuff and then also there's the
what we'll call epigenetic response
cycles which is that you have genes that
are switched on and off and those genes
respond to things like working out now
oddly enough working out has a
tremendous impact on your mental Fitness
as well so I highly encourage people to
do that and then probably most
importantly your
okay so that was a very long answer
thank you olympia for submitting that i
think mental health is mental health and
mental fitness are both really really
important and by the way there are
plenty of other resources to go a lot
deeper than I just went I should put a
list together that would be a great
place to start for recommendations Cindy
maybe you could take a note on that for
me that would be amazing
all right AJ Barnes is from Facebook Tom
how can you get the strength to cut
people out of your life they aren't bad
just feel like they are holding you back
so you're asking how you get the
strength to do that so this is a this is
an interesting phenomenon and I
absolutely despise when people say you
just have to do it but I want you to
know that the punch line of what I'm
about to say ends with and you just have
to do it so now I'm gonna back up so if
we know that our end goal is ultimately
we're just going to do it we're going to
cut those people out we're going to
bring new people into our lives
understand that the way to build
something new is not to focus on tearing
down the old it's to focus on the thing
that you're trying to build so rather
than focus on cutting people out of your
life I would focus on bringing new
people into your life I think that
that's far more impactful than cutting
people out I think that if you focus on
the cutting of people out then you're
gonna focus on like social drama it's
gonna be [ __ ] weird
so rather than all of that who are the
people that you want in your life at
least what do they look like what's
their mentality and when I say look like
I mean mentally do they have a growth
mindset are they ambitious what is it
that they're pursuing what do you want
to be around what are the thought
patterns or maybe even very specific
like what's the universe of things you
want to be in whether that's your own
ambition and finding other people that
are just as ambitious and in that same
cycle that could be really really
important so I'll give you guys an
example hopefully most of you know by
now that we are trying to build a real
studio so we want to compete with Disney
on a similar timeline look it's gonna
take a very long time but we're starting
with comic books so I'm now putting that
out as much as I can getting people to
understand we just we made our first
hire [ __ ] they might be here right
now
I'm literally over the moon excited
we've
the person that's gonna be our first
they are our first hire moving into the
comic book world yet how do you not know
did you not meet him what how's that
possible he was here oh I'm a terrible
person
so let's all wallow in the fact that I'm
a bad person for a minute I'm so excited
about this so he's here today I don't
know if he's here yet because he had to
do something at DC Comics so but then
he's coming here which is I'm super
super excited about starting part time
and then if we love working together
it'll go full-time but anyway I started
telling everybody who would listen hey
we're getting into the comic space and I
want to be around people that are as
ambitious as me in the comic space
because not only do I want people who
think like I think I want people that
are developing a similar skill set that
have similar wants and excitements as I
have so put all of your time and
attention literally that was an
unintentional showing of what it looks
like when I didn't worry about cutting
people out of my life I just wanted more
people in my life that think like I
think and are excited about the same
things that I'm excited about and so you
can see literally in answering that
question for like three minutes I
totally derailed on my excitement for
that person so do that I think that's
way more important than focusing on
cutting people out all right next up
this is from Karina Isabel Jimenez my
dad is going on day 31 of being sober
today that is amazing what
recommendations can you give us to
overcome the urges to return to drug and
alcohol use okay so first of all let me
say I've never struggled with this so
I'm the wrong person to address it but
here's my logic follow my logic and if
it's sound then fantastic alright so
first and foremost there is a reason
that 12-step programs exist I would
understand them before I would reject
them now one of the things that I find
really fascinating there's two bookends
is one to acknowledge a higher power now
I don't believe in God so it is not me
saying that but like what is that thing
that I think of like that to me it is
the human ability to adapt that is so
beyond fascinating to me and I do look
at that in some ways in a worse
full way where it's like wow we've got
all this amazing potential and to waste
that or squander that would be
horrifying now the way that they lean on
that is more that like you sort of give
yourself over rather than trying to
think of yourself as you know strong and
being able to carry this weight all by
yourself you're gonna lean on something
else now that thing that I would lean on
is well I can grow and change and get
better I don't have to worry about Who I
am right now I don't have to worry if I
feel weak right now that this is gonna
be a process and understanding that it's
a process and that those thoughts are
going to be unrelenting especially in
the beginning that doesn't make you weak
or a bad person so that that higher
power it certainly in the way that I
mean it and it seems to have served
people for a very long time in the
traditional way of thinking of that so
just understanding that it's okay to be
weak I think that's the important part
and that you're going to have those
thoughts and all of that then the book
end is that if you don't find somebody
else to help then it never sticks and I
found that to be one of the most
interesting things about recovery again
I've never gone through this I'm not the
right person
just follow my logic that one of the
most interesting things about recovery
is that you need to be helping somebody
else for it to really stick that you
know other people are looking to you
that you get to tell them what you've
learned that you get to confess that
you've been through all the same
weaknesses and all that stuff now I'm
sure that they have a period of time
where you're supposed to work on
yourself before you start worrying about
somebody else but feeling connected to a
community from the jump I think is
really important so understand that it's
okay to be weak that you're gonna have
these thoughts and that on this other
hand that you really want to connect to
a community okay that's like the
traditional narrative about that and I
think that it's traditional for some
very powerful reasons now I'm gonna give
you something beyond that so first of
all understanding that the negative
voice the one that's telling you that
you have a drink and all of that don't
worry about silencing that voice I don't
think that that is going to serve you
instead you're gonna use it as a habit
loop trigger so you need to come up with
an empowering habit that you want to get
into I don't know what that's going to
be for you but find something that makes
you feel powerful that reminds you one
why you want to be sober that makes you
feel can
- that sense of power and promise in
yourself and when you have that desire
to drink or do drugs whatever your
trigger is or maybe even like if you
have a physical trigger I know a lot of
people that did intravenous drugs if
they even see the paraphernalia if they
see a spoon they see a lighter they see
a syringe all of those things like
trigger that craving mechanism so
whatever your trigger is you're gonna
use that to trigger this new loop so
when you feel weak when the voices do
drugs when you have that craving all of
those things are gonna be something that
you flip around and go oh yeah this is
just meant to remind me to XYZ to
meditate to go play video games - call
your sponsor like whatever it is like
that thing becomes a thing that forces
you to take that action that puts you in
that habit the second thing this is
incredibly powerful and that is identity
identity drives behavior so you've got
to start telling people I'm the kind of
person that fights over the desires I'm
the type of person that does things like
habit loop triggers I'm the type of
person that once I say I'm getting
sobered that's it I'm getting sober I'm
the type of person that uses bright
lines and that brings us to the third
thing bright lines are incredibly
powerful and they are things that you
just refuse to do so if you know that
your problem is drugs and alcohol then
you're going to draw that line in the
sand you're gonna say it no matter what
there's no circumstance in which I'm
gonna cross this line and this is where
people really [ __ ] themselves up because
they like they get to a point where it's
like the cravings too much or you know I
just got fired from my job my wife left
me my dog got hit by a car like it's
just so much I'm gonna do drugs where
I'm gonna drink again but if you're able
to employ those bright lines and say
there is no scenario in which I drink or
do drugs then that gives you that first
line of defense of just I don't do that
so then if you've got the identity
you've got that further desire to be
congruence then if you've got the habit
loop triggers where it's like I have
this bright line but holy
Lord I really want to do this that you
then call your sponsor you do all the
things you know that you're supposed to
do I that doesn't make it easy but
hopefully makes it possible so there you
go
not being somebody that struggled with
addiction that's the best I can do for
you all right next up Sheldon gay
Facebook Oh
can I go back one more thing find
something new to be excited about so
yeah get into something let addiction
specialist may hate this but find
something new and empowering to get
addicted to that would be my advice so
replace again don't tear down the old
build the new find something new that
taps into your addictive personality so
we do that with my wife by the way my
wife has a very addictive personality
and if she went anywhere near drugs she
of her own admissions like I don't try
drugs specifically because I'm afraid
that I will get addicted to them so for
her finding things that are empowering
like building the company like drawing
things like that that really turned her
on they're exciting in their value add
then she allows that like addictive part
of her personality where she just gets
obsessive about it and wants to do it
more more more but loves it and has a
good time she's able to fill that part
of her brain was something empowering so
I would also encourage that all right
now for real karina isabel jimenez nope
that's one we already did Sheldon gay
Facebook how do you win when you're not
first to market how do you mentally
manage watching your competitors being
so far ahead when you're just starting I
love this [ __ ] question all right
Sheldon lean in take notes
and believe me when I say this is the
gospel now I keep a list I have a list
of people that have given me the
greatest gift you can give give any
human being and that is doubt when I
said that I wanted to start a video
podcast people said that's crazy
it's played out there are already people
doing it there's already people doing
the interview shows like you just you're
not gonna be able to get the kind of
followers that you want and the one
thing I will tell you always and forever
if you make a better product than anyone
else you always have a shot
now as Betamax will assure you just
being better isn't enough but it starts
with being better so if you can
outperform people there is always a
chance
and so with impact theory my whole thing
was how do I become not a good
interviewer how do I become the greatest
interviewer of all time to put in that
level of work to remember what my
father-in-law taught me which is if you
want to succeed you've got to know more
about something than anyone else in the
room that is massive and so if you look
at the way that I approach all of this
it is from I'm just gonna outwork people
I'm gonna know more I'm gonna put more
hours into it I'm gonna expend more
energy I'm gonna go harder and farther
than anyone thinks is rational or
reasonable and then I'm gonna push it
even farther I'm gonna focus maniacally
on momentum I'm gonna push myself not
only to be the best but to be the best
faster than anyone else and I'm going to
make sure that the thing that I'm
building towards is something I love
beyond all reason and measure because if
as you're doing that and you're hustling
and you're grinding if it's taking more
energy from you then it's giving you
will not last you will break you will
Bend and other people who love what they
do will surpass you like I'll give you
an example for me when I find the find
the interview and I finally get where
I'm gonna go with the person that I'm
interviewing it's the moment that
fascination takes over my anxiety and so
I'm always looking for that what is that
thing about this person that I find
really fascinating that bit about them
that's interesting not the bit about
them that is what they're famous for the
bit about them that is fascinating that
I want to know more about that captures
my imagination and makes everything else
fall to the background that energizes me
and gets me excited and makes me want to
dig deep if you focus on those things if
you focus on becoming the best not just
in one way but in every way possible so
we have to get great not only at
interviewing not only at creating social
content but we've got to
good at the algorithms we've got to
understand how to build community all of
that but if you're willing to get great
at all of those areas to not be
egotistical to come every day with a
beginner's mind set to always be willing
to sit as somebody's feet and learn and
to do this weird [ __ ] dance between
oh my god I'm getting good and the
confidence that that brings and oh my
god what if I'm wrong about everything
what if I'm not as good as I think when
you can dance between the I have the
chills right now because once you're
able to do that you become unstoppable
because you don't trip yourself up you
don't solidify into Dogma and I use
those words so much that I worry that
people don't understand what I'm saying
once you think you know something you're
not open to learning more you're not
open to being wrong and finding an even
more powerful way of looking at
something because you can be wrong and
go really far but ultimately being wrong
slows you down or it stops your progress
altogether and that's why you've got to
always be open you've got not only open
you've got to hunger for it you've got
to long to find out how you're wrong
once you're legitimately hungry to see
in what ways you're wrong you will
become an unstoppable force but man like
stop listening to the words I'm saying
for a second and just hear my intensity
you've got to bring that you've got to
have that level of intensity you've got
to take your wants and turn them into
[ __ ] crushing needs and it is it is a
process you do that it is not something
that is handed to you it is not the
nature of things the nature of things is
to be a want the nature of things is to
be an interest you've got to turn those
things into obsessions you've got to
find a way you've got to create away
you've got a demand of yourself that you
are creating these fires in your life
must haves passions where there was
nothing more than an interest obsessions
where there was nothing more than a
fascination like you've got to be able
to to
blow on these embers and turn them into
raging fires and until you learn how to
do that which is a neurological process
of re-enforcement I want you guys all I
want to get flooded with tweets IG posts
YouTube comments on the following thing
cuz I had an idea this morning and I
want to know what you guys think was in
the shower which is a very meditative
thing for me and I'm working on a book
and I know the book is gonna speak to
the people that show up to this podcast
but it's not gonna speak to people that
aren't here yet and I thought can we
create something that feels like an
airline emergency pamphlet that shows
you how to open the emergency door that
tells you what to do if your plane is
going down in flames but breaks down
what you're actually doing to create
those fires in your mind so for instance
it's really [ __ ] simple in fact it's
so simple what I'm about to tell you
you're not gonna believe and so my hope
is that in doing something that's
Illustrated and like just [ __ ] dead
simple and it becomes literally an
instruction manual for how to create a
growth mindset and it goes like this
what you repeat in your thoughts will
begin to shape the hardwiring of your
brain the words that you repeat out loud
will shape what you believe you have to
act in congruence with those two things
exist in this terrifyingly powerful
feedback loop so what you allow yourself
to think about is the single most
important decision you will make every
day of your life now the way that the
mind is wired it will it will think
something at all times okay
that's my meditation is so powerful it's
training yourself
to be able to quiet that but as a
default setting there will always be
words flowing through your mind and the
irony of ironies is that most of those
words are negative so you're gonna have
this constant running default stream of
negativity which is how we spiral into
the problems that we see in life so if
you know that and you know that the
things that you obsessively think about
get hardwired into your brain you have
to figure out a way to say things
positive write a [ __ ] list of 10 20
however many positive things you're
gonna say to yourself now by positive I
don't mean I'm a strong powerful person
I mean humans are wired to adapt and
grow okay that's empowering it doesn't
matter who I am today it only matters
who I'm willing to become and the price
I'm willing to pay to get there okay
it's things that reinforce potential
rather than reinforcing you are
something you are something statements
are far more fragile than potential is
real potential exists and now it's about
am i doing the things to create that
potential so now once you've laid that
foundation and you obsessively think
about the positive things the potential
your abilities what you can become then
you're gonna start saying things out
loud that you will hold yourself
congruent to and you're gonna tell other
people you're gonna tell them what
you're about you're gonna tell them what
you're building you're gonna tell them
about the kind of person you're trying
to become if you get those two things
right and you just say over and over and
over things that empower you that are
real 90 percent of your problems go away
just from those two things that's it and
so that's what I want to create this
book about it's pamphlet whatever it's
gonna be I'm very curious to see if
people think that we can reach people
and another thing that haunts me is
bullying and I really I've walked people
through this before
but I did a whole tirade on here about
the guy wrote in and his brother was
being bullied and I was so moved by it
and I gave advice that I thought was
amazing and then I got on a Skype call
with the kid that was actually being
bullied and staring in the face of an
eleven-year-old I realized that I had
nothing effective to offer him and I
don't remember why I started down this
path but I feel very strongly about
those things that if you can get to
doing the very simple basic things right
then you can really empower yourself to
do something and I'm gonna read the
question again to see if that actually
answered it or if I've got more to go
yeah so the question was about how do
you win when you're not first in the
market so knowing more than somebody
else is critical getting better than
everybody else is critical and to do
that you've got to take control of those
two basic processes how you think about
potential and what you hold yourself
accountable to there it is man Sheldon
that is if you literally go back and
play those last seven ish minutes they
give you everything you need you have to
execute against it all right Kylie Louis
is from YouTube what is the best advice
you can give to a 27 year old on how to
establish an honest and authentic
relationship with our parents in order
to actually feel like an adult and not
just an adult child alright here's the
reality at 27 keV what's the I was gonna
give you a really flippant answer which
is partly true but I hear here's let's
back up people treat you exactly the way
you let them treat you so my gut
instinct is you've let your parents back
you into a corner where you feel like
you have to be a certain way because
they have a certain vision of who you
are and you're not necessarily that
person which is why you say you want an
authentic relationship with them so you
love them you care about them but they
don't actually see you as you are and
you probably feel a little bit trapped
by how they view the world by how they
think you should be by what they think
your job should be in all of that and so
here's the flippant truth so
call this the finish line I don't give a
[ __ ] what my parents want me to do and
I've lived in accordance with that for a
very long time and in the beginning it
was very stressful for my parents and
they assumed that I was going to fail
and they were watching me because in the
beginning of my life it really did look
like I was gonna crash and burn pretty
spectacularly so I'm sure it was
brutally difficult for them and I'm not
entirely sure why I guess because I'm
stubborn maybe a little bit obstinate I
wasn't prepared to be what other people
wanted me to be and so I just kept
marching forward to my own drum now
that's the finish line getting to the
point where you don't care what's at
mark manson and the subtle art of not
giving a [ __ ] so you need to get to the
point where you if you care which i
think is actually fine to care what
other people think but don't let that
influence what you do because you should
care a hell of a lot more about how you
feel and what you believe and whether or
not you're becoming the kind of person
that you're going to be proud of I think
that's far more important than what
anybody else thinks about you so you're
gonna cultivate this subtle art of not
giving a [ __ ] and it's going to start
with being honest with yourself about
what makes you feel most fulfilled what
do you love what are the things that you
like and understanding this is your life
you've only got one life to live you
never get it back and so doing things
that other people think will make you
happy but that don't actually make you
happy doesn't make any [ __ ] sense
so people want you to be happy right
true or false and if they want you to be
happy they're just doing their best
guess at what's gonna make you happy
only you know if it's actually making
you happy and not in a momentary sense
in a deep and fulfilling kind of way
something that is far more sustainable
so every bit of advice that someone who
loves you is giving you is simply bet
their best attempt to surmise what is
going to make you happy but if it
doesn't then you have to diverge if they
don't actually want you to be happy then
[ __ ] them like why for even two seconds
would you care about what somebody
thinks who doesn't actually want you to
win they don't actually want you to be
happy
that would be literal madness to try and
appease people that don't want you to be
happy so people either fall into two
buckets they want you
be happy and all they can do is guess
and so bless them but if they don't
actually know what's gonna make you
happy why would you listen and then to
people who don't give a [ __ ] about you
and they don't care whether or not
you're happy or they actively want you
to be unhappy so you can see just by
walking through the logic of it it
doesn't make sense to try to appease
people that don't want to make you happy
or people that do want to try to make
you happy so you got to be yourself now
how do you maintain a good relationship
so this is what I do mom dad I know
beyond a shadow of a doubt that what you
want for me is to be happy to be
successful to be fulfilled however I
define that and I fully respect that and
I actually wish that I could learn every
lesson the easy way and let other people
have gone through and made those
mistakes and for me to really be able to
internalize it without having to go
through it and I really do try to
optimize for that but there are just
some things that I have a feeling a
belief it just feels so right and I need
to explore it and if that means that I
stumble and fall that's okay and I'm
going to learn from that I'm going to
find in suffering if I'm willing to
reflect on it that I can make progress
that's right from our boy Ray Dalio pain
plus reflection equals progress that's
the human condition now if you need to
just rewind that play it over and over a
thousand times until you've memorized
those exact words
because those were the exact words that
I said to my family over and over and
over so while they were watching me fail
I said hey look I totally get it I get
why you don't like seeing me go through
hard times fully understand that but
this is what I'm trying to accomplish I
want to get to a deep and lasting sense
of fulfillment and here are the things
that I think will lead me there and if
they don't then I will adjust course and
trust me I'm never going to do something
where it's like if I realize you're
right I will immediately admit hey you
were right and hopefully your parents
will understand that it doesn't make
sense to go see I told you so which will
not draw you closer together but if they
do meet them with compassion and
understand that that's just where a lot
of people start don't get pissed off
with them okay so you're gonna live your
life pain plus reflection equals
progress you're gonna understand that
that's a part of it you're not gonna let
them walk you into any traps you're
gonna tell them who you really are and
and this is the [ __ ] important part
you're not going to try to convince them
to think otherwise
so if they think you're a fool respect
no problem mom dad I fully understand
that in fact my father-in-law who's
always been very kind to me but was not
shy about telling me when he thought I
was being foolish and rather than try to
convince him that I was right I just
said I'm gonna let my actions prove out
either I'm right or he's right I'm not
even gonna worry to try to convince
myself it's what I think is right I'm
gonna move forward but if I end up being
wrong and he ends up being right and hey
at least then I know but I'm gonna push
forward with the things that I believe
to be right and when you stop fighting
people and you're always trying to
convince them that you're right I don't
care if people think I'm right
I either am right or I'm gonna learn
something so I don't need to convince
them I don't need to be convinced so I
would say things like when my
father-in-law would tell me ooh that
doesn't make any sense why are you doing
it that way I would say the actual words
out of my mouth I totally hear what
you're saying I get that
and it actually may work out that way I
fully see the intelligence of your
argument and we'll see I haven't
internalized that yet so it doesn't feel
right for me in all the nuance of it
could be this but it could also be this
but I I want you to understand that I
see your logic and I totally get it
and then there's what is there for them
to push back on so that was how I did it
I was honest with people but I wasn't
combative and that was huge for me and I
just knew that AI could be wrong so I'm
not gonna argue from a place of
arrogance and be if I am wrong I will be
willing to admit it and so then over
time you your life starts moving towards
inextricably towards success because
you're always willing to admit when
you're wrong you're always looking to
learn grow and adapt and you're reading
your ass off and learning and but when I
say read I mean learn you're learning
every day and getting better all right
there it is I'm gonna go faster I've
been doing long answers today
Evan Greenspan hey Tom for a lot of my
life I have felt like an inadequate
person and somewhat not worthy of love
and respect how can i feel more worthy
and respectable okay so first and
foremost remember it doesn't matter who
you are today only matters who you want
to become so set your sights and
somebody that's worthy of that respect
in your mind don't worry about other
people
so if I were to be like this and act
like this and think like this then I
would be I would be proud of that
because first I'll just say every human
being is worthy every human being is
respectable the truth of the matter is
that building your sense of pride and
self-esteem around that's just too
[ __ ] dangerous so I wouldn't do that
I don't spend any time thinking about
whether or not I'm worthy I just make a
blanket judgment all humans are worthy
because we're capable of change at any
time and so now I just focus on who do I
want to change into Who am I trying to
become focus on that and act in
accordance find a model somebody that
actually is like that look at how their
behavior is shaped look at how they
think if they've written something or
created content that you can go consume
go consume it and try to internalize
that state of mind and then just keep
working towards that but never worry
about who you are today no matter where
you get in life just focus on you have
at any moment the ability to grow and
get better and in that then just brick
by brick try to actually get better and
be proud of yourself for being willing
to stare at your inadequacies right so
you're gonna value yourself from being a
learner
you're gonna value self being willing to
admit that you're wrong so hopefully
that takes a lot of pressure off you
because it doesn't matter if you're
wrong bad and worthy all that you hey
you're valuable because you're willing
to look at that you're valuable because
you're willing to take steady progress
to get better and that's it and that's
how it did alright next April Gledhill
Facebook what is the best way to build
my own belief system I realize I'm
struggling with building my core I have
the basics but I know I need to dig
deeper okay so I'm just gonna say first
of all there's a lot a lot of amazing
people that choking to death a lot of
amazing people that have come before you
that have been willing to write this
down or create content I would go watch
it pick the pieces that work for you and
act in accordance if however you don't
want to do that then you want to create
something yourself this is all gonna be
about what are the results you're trying
to get and are you getting those results
or not and so shift and tweak your
belief system in order to move you
closer to your goals that was certainly
what I did sadly I came along just early
enough and all of this that the internet
didn't really exist so I had to fumble
my way through all this so yeah I would
say this is my goal am i moving towards
it yes or no what do I need to think do
and believe in order to actually move
toward
that goal and I just shaped my belief
system along the way realizing that I
was doing really dumb [ __ ] that wasn't
moving me towards my goals and it was
based on a belief about myself or about
the world and just changing those
beliefs as I went to make sure that hey
if I believe this will it move me
forward like do you live in a friendly
or a hostile universe well if I believe
I work in a friendly artwork that I live
in a friendly universe where things can
actually come together for me then I'm
gonna be more optimistic does optimism
serve me yes it does why because it it
for it doesn't for us it allows me to
take action because I don't think that
I'm gonna be blocked at every turn so
when you think that the outcome might be
positive you're more likely to take
action being more likely to take action
then does let you take action and then
you're going to reach your goals and so
you can literally just work your way
through and go yep that belief will work
for me and you can look at a thousand
different beliefs like are human beings
capable of doing anything they set their
mind to well am I better off believing
that or not well if I believe it what
crazy things I might jump off the roof
of a building do you really think that
you run the risk of doing that probably
not unless you were truly mentally ill
in which case going back to one of our
earliest questions go seek help so
assuming that you've got enough common
sense not to do stupid [ __ ] like that
having the belief that you can do
anything you set your mind to again is
going to take you down a path of if it's
exciting for you and fun then it's worth
putting the energy into and I literally
just went through belief by belief
asking myself questions to get to and
look I fumbled through a lot of this and
a lot of it was just emotional pain so
don't make it think lie or don't I don't
want it to sound like I sat down on one
Saturday and just said hey what are all
the beliefs that I have and what could
be more empowering it was like I would
do dumb [ __ ] I'd feel really stupid
really badly about myself I'd be unable
to sleep because I'm like I'm such a
dumbass let it go just thinking of
myself as a dumbass does that empower me
and moving me forward no okay so we need
to unwind this and it goes like that all
right
next up Justin best from YouTube hey Tom
what are some similarities and
differences you noticed between Amelia
Boone and David Goggins the both super
mentally tough but feel like they
approach it in different ways okay so
here are high level differences from my
perspective they may both totally
disagree
David Goggins narrative is I was the
weakest man God ever created and I want
to become the strongest man alive
toughest because he believed that he was
weak which I don't think Amelia would
say about herself I don't think she came
from that dark place because he came
from that dark place and was just so fed
up he's coming from a position of
rock-bottom so it wasn't even
necessarily about potential it was about
I am totally unwilling to feel this way
anymore
and so I'm gonna make a change really
coming from a place of self-hatred this
is where this gets really controversial
but I think there is a ton of power a
ton of power in self-hatred I can feel
the comments coming in already it's a
balance you never want to spend more
than 20% of your time there kicking
yourself in the ass being disappointed
with yourself because it will be
corrosive but David Goggins is a very
powerful example of the dark side of
leveraging that self-loathing to kick
you in the ass to get you to take action
become something powerful but he really
has become something powerful and in
that is beauty and wonderment and the
joy of being a human being which brings
us to Amelia Boone who starts from that
position of what is possible of all the
amazing things that she can do if she's
willing to put in that work and one of
the things that I found uh turley
fascinating about her is when she's
really struggling in a race she'll start
talking to the person next to her and
find camaraderie and the joy in
commiserating together and thinking
about you know other things other than
the running in the pain and all of that
and is really a pretty beautiful and
community-driven way of creating a
technique to get over the pain which
going back to the marshmallow experiment
if you guys know that done in the
seventies I think by a Stanford
researcher who found that the number one
thing that correlates to fuchsias
success is your ability to delay
gratification and kids that were able to
delay gratification often use techniques
like singing to themselves or playing
games and that's something that Amelia
uses so Amelia sort of represents what
you could do on the bright side David
represents what you can do with the dark
side and I think both are incredibly
powerful and I think they should always
always always be in a ratio of 80/20
never more than 20% by all means do less
than 20% on the dark side
and yeah never less than 80% in the the
bright the goodness the gratitude the
joy the fulfillment all of that they're
both powerful okay Dylan O'Leary if you
knew everything you know now I would
assume now no yep at the age of 15 what
would you do to get ahead and achieve
your goals alright so the problem was
that I didn't really get a growth
mindset fully until I was like 26 so 11
years after your magical point so I
would have just been reading reading
reading at all times learning trying to
grow and get better understanding that
having ego about where I was already
being smart being good being worthy all
of that stuff was holding me back and
slowing me down because I was more
likely to put myself around people who
weren't pushing me weren't challenging
me weren't making me feel stupid and by
being around people like that and ideas
like that that really pushed me to grow
and develop
I actually was growing and developing so
yeah I would have worked a lot harder a
lot faster a lot sooner at really
becoming extraordinary at things that I
cared about which I didn't and for a
long time I was just trying to put
myself into smaller and smaller
environments with less bright people so
I could just feel smart
so that's that's what I would have done
get really good alright Ranallo photo
and films you said you have to learn to
know more than anyone but I know you
have you also have to take action how do
you balance the two when do you know you
know enough to take the right action you
don't and you just have to be very
comfortable that you're gonna [ __ ] up
and you're gonna learn and that that's
absolutely fine but your goal needs to
be to get good so I'll give you an
example
I know fuck-all about publishing comic
books but I'm gonna have to get
phenomenal at it now I can't just sit
around and wait but knowing that I need
to get good at that means that my first
steps are how do I get good at this
really really fast and let me just tell
you number one model yourself find
experts learn from them cool so I'm
gonna guess by now sitting upstairs
right now is one of the greatest minds
and comic books and I am very happy to
report that he's coming on board with us
now to help us create a publishing
Empire the likes of which have never
been seen before
now I'm gonna find other people and our
first goal as a collaboration is I was
really weird we're saying that our first
goal is a collaboration is going to be
to find other people that know even more
than the two of us and to just collect
an army of people like that that can
help us get past all the simple rookie
mistakes the paths that have landmines
that we just know there's going to be
stupid but it is taking action
immediately we're also going to be
working on a first comic which I'm so
excited about is already like way into
the process and even though I've been
saying that we're gonna publish for a
very long time now I actually feel very
confident by San Diego comic-con we will
be distributing that's a lie by San
Diego comic-con we will have printed and
complete our first issue but for
marketing reasons it's gonna wait till
the New York comic-con in October but we
will have our first issue done and in
our hands finish complete it's gonna be
amazing so I'm very excited see us at
San Diego comic-con so I know that I
have to get great at that and I know
that I have to take action and I'm doing
both in parallel so this doesn't spin
out into a very long thing you take
action knowing that the whole reason to
take action is to move forward and learn
alright
Jose Gabriel Gonzalez what strategies do
you employ to discover and deal with
blind spots and your current knowledge
that could prevent you from succeeding
in other words how do you deal with not
knowing what you don't know alright I
just had a really interesting moment
yesterday where I realized one of my
superpowers is that I in my moments of
deepest confidence where I have just
pulled something off and I can see
everyone in the room is totally behind
my vision they believe in what I'm
saying that what I'm saying is right in
that moment in that moment that very
moment where I am at my highest
confidence I've learned to ask but what
if I'm entirely wrong and in what ways
would I be wrong and who might be able
to help me find a way through that and
what would it look like can i hedge my
bet is there something that I can do to
continue moving that forward at that
rate but be building that bridge to
something else is that an exploratory
conversation is
creating a red team blue team whatever
that is in my moments and oddly enough
without in fact I become more confident
because I know I'm looking for my blind
spots
so in those moments of supreme
confidence can you build your confidence
even more by relentlessly pursuing the
ways in which you might be wrong read
creativity Inc by Ed Catmull the guy
that's the president of Pixar he talks
about how every day they dissect the
animation from the previous day they
don't try to be nice or kind they just
get to the [ __ ] truth is it working
or not is it as good as it could
possibly be or not I don't take any
pride in my ideas I take pride in my
willingness to look at the flaws in my
ideas and that's how you actually get
something bulletproof but you have to be
unconfident the end result or do you
want to feel cool if you just want to
feel cool then go be the king of
remedial jobs if on the other hand you
actually want your goals to come true
you've got to relentlessly pursue where
you're wrong all right Desiree Baker
YouTube what would you suggest to
empower others to change example
overweight family members that don't
have the confidence to start they
complain about their bodies but don't
act on their goals of health I am NOT in
the game of convincing people so I am in
the game of living by example 4 Shui C
fresh Y Z and if somebody sees me like I
lost my wife just found a fat photo
yesterday it is amazing I've got a
poster saying it's legit crazy I look
fat
so I used to be 60 pounds heavier and
losing the weight was hard as hell but
anybody watching me I wasn't
evangelizing for it I wasn't saying hey
everybody needs to lose weight I was
saying this is my goal this is what I
want to do and this is how I'm going
about it and anybody that was inspired
by that awesome I would tell them
anything and everything that I was doing
and if they weren't inspired about it I
won't even talk about it I'm not trying
to bring it up don't want to make people
feel bad nothing so when people want the
information they will ask and if they
ask I will give it otherwise mums the
word
and by the way meet them with compassion
so it is a shitty struggle to want to
lose weight but either not know how to
get started or not feel confident enough
to get started but the only thing worse
the only thing that will move them back
faster is to try to change them to
proselytize to tell them how to do it
how to think it won't work and because
it won't work I highly encourage that
you not do it all right next
Avery Nair when working do you and Lisa
address each other by your name or still
call each other honey this is such an
interesting question how are you got how
are your guys's management styles around
the team like what are your guys's
management styles around the team like
and how do you both handle things when
you guys have a disagreement okay so
these are really interesting questions I
call our baby and I feel weird doing it
so that's the truth the sometimes I'll
call her Lisa depending on what the
situation is and if I'm ever referring
to her or about her I'm always Lisa but
like if I'm if I see her you know just
an earshot I'll say baby but every time
I do it I'm like oh this feels a little
weird so that's the truth
and then what's our management style
around the team with each other I think
that's what you mean so it's the one
thing I'll say is probably a little
problematic if the team were really in
principles mode motherfucker's is that
Lisa and I are a little too familiar so
I will express frustration with my wife
infinitely faster then I would express
it with anybody else in the team and I'm
sure that gets a little uncomfortable
sometimes for everybody else and in no
uncertain terms my wife has pointed that
out to me a thousand times on the
weekends should be like yeah you you'll
express frustration with me that you'd
never show anybody else and I'm like yep
that that is 100% true and the bad news
is coz I'm saying that it's a good thing
the bad news is the reason I do that is
I hold my wife to my same standard she's
the only human being that I hold to my
standard and so what the team is getting
a glimpse of is how I treat myself
internally so I get frustrated with
myself fast like that
but I'm not a delicate Wallflower even
when it's myself so I'm kicking myself
in the ass I'm expressing frustration
internally and it doesn't make me feel
badly about myself so that's a really
important thing if it did I would stop
doing it but it doesn't I find that it
empowers me it pushes me forward it
makes me want to move away from that
thing that's frustrating me get me back
on track really [ __ ] fast
I also prize efficiency and so with my
wife because I think of her like me and
I hold her to my standard I expect her
to be way into efficiency so yep those
are that's just the truth I'm not saying
whether these are good or bad just
saying they are and then how do we
handle things when you guys have a
disagreement we try to use principles in
all things so there's certain rules like
if you feel something then you say this
is how I feel and you look for feedback
from the outside because just because
you have a feeling if you don't have the
data to back it up doesn't make it true
so we try to be really respectful of
that and if we do have data to back it
up then we would say this is the data
that I have to back it up yeah so that's
how we handle a disagreement
neither of us or yellers or screamers so
we don't freak out there I am definitely
prone to extreme intensity especially
with my wife and so if anybody were ever
to level a criticism at me there are
definitely times where I know I freaked
people out a little bit because I get
really [ __ ] direct and I'll say
aggressive but what I mean is intense
not yelling I'm not screaming I don't
get in people's faces but when I really
[ __ ] believe something I'm not
bashful about it so again not saying any
of these are great the only thing that I
will vouch for and just say is the
[ __ ] gospel are the principles so in
any place where what I just said
diverges from the principles principles
principles it's a book you can read it
Ray Dalio amazing and ro kinghorn I'm 19
I'll break a million in sales on what am
I on one of my businesses this year
although it isn't a massive success are
you high that's incredible
I don't have any real questions so do
you have advice to someone who feels
they've mastered learning yes and my
advice is stop being a [ __ ] fool
you've not mastered learning and if you
think you've mastered learning you are
[ __ ]
in no uncertain terms you will destroy
yourself
that is the most cancerous and corrosive
way to think possible so stop right now
and make sure you're always looking for
where you're wrong how you can improve
where to get better they say genius is a
young man's game and the reason they say
that is because people start thinking
they actually know something and once
you think you know something you were
dead in the [ __ ] water so stop
thinking you know something open
yourself up to learning more because
that's the fun man the incredible thing
is at 19 to do a million of sales is
[ __ ] awesome you're way ahead but be
raw cancer still exists we have not yet
colonized Mars there is human suffering
on just pandemic proportions there's a
lot more cooler [ __ ] that you could do
with your ability to learn that you
haven't done yet and so I would say go
forth and prosper knowing that you can
always get better grow adapt and improve
and that that's the [ __ ] joy of being
human all right Jalen Holmes Facebook
hey Tom as a 19 year old freshman we got
the 19 year olds in the in the feet
today what is up everybody in college
who has developed depression like
symptoms due to many intrinsic and
extrinsic sources I'm currently in an in
an identity crisis where should I go
from here
all right you don't [ __ ] around with
depression I want to be really clear
about that
so the punchline of depression is often
suicide so depression is one of those
things where just you cannot [ __ ] around
so if we're legitimately in depression
we need to go get help and don't be
bashful about that I'm super stoked that
you're able to talk about it honestly
here that's amazing a you've got the the
self-awareness to recognize it be you're
not afraid to talk about it those are
huge steps in this journey but now we
need to go get help
so whether that's cognitive behavioral
therapy which I would highly recommend
traditional talk therapy like whatever
it is it works for you try it find
something that works go to support
groups like be way proactive and if you
need to take medication by all means I
think you should try to get off it as
fast as you can not saying that as a
doctor because I'm clearly not one but
it just seems like a bad idea to
constantly be taking medication but I
would not be bashful in any way shape or
form about starting there and people
that I know
my life and love dearly started with it
it helped him get some positive momentum
going then they were able to get off of
it
I think that's massive so a lot of this
is gonna be also changing your identity
changing so I talked about at the top of
the episode there's two things that
matter beyond comprehension
number one the thoughts that you repeat
in your head you need to make those
positive just [ __ ] plain and simple
period end of story if you have
depression symptoms immediately stop
allowing yourself to say negative [ __ ]
not in your head not outside nothing you
just stop stop [ __ ] stop like bright
lines I don't say negative [ __ ] like
every time you say a negative thing
literally just say I don't say negative
[ __ ] that's it I say in fact [ __ ] that
say I say positive [ __ ] way more
effective so I say positive [ __ ] in fact
[ __ ] I've given like go right now to
impact Theory calm I put the belief
system the belief system is 25 things
you can just repeat in your head every
time a negative thought pops into your
head just repeat one of those 25 things
they are all about potential what you're
able to do it's the belief system that's
going to get you out of that negative
spiral so do that all right we got time
for one more Dan Zuber hey Tom I have
trouble getting myself to start
conversations with strangers or those
who are more intelligent than me and
fear that I will embarrass myself or
make myself look like a fool do you have
any tips to overcome this mental block
absolutely and it goes like this
you are a learner my friend it is
awesome the fact that you're able to go
speak to people that know more than you
that is [ __ ] incredible and here's
the secret you ready I'm just talking to
you right now
on a long enough timeline if you're
willing to collect all these nuggets no
matter how many people think you're
stupid
if you stay at it you will destroy them
all and so if you need to come at it
from that position which I did when I
was younger I had to believe I'm stupid
now but I'm gonna take I've the chills
I'm gonna take this piece of information
and the next and the next and the next
and they're gonna give it to me in a
demeaning fashion they think I'm a
[ __ ] idiot and oh I have had many
people think I was an idiot and tell me
to my face and I just took one piece of
information after the next after the
next after the next and I
on a long enough timeline I will win I
will beat them all I just have to be
willing to never be afraid to look
stupid in any one moment they may think
I'm a dumbass and on live TV during my
interviews if somebody says something I
don't know I'm going to ask because they
just gave me another piece of
information and another and another and
another and I collect knowledge because
I am trying to become more powerful now
remember the way that I define power you
close your eyes you imagine a world a
beautiful world an incredible world that
you want to see come into existence you
open your eyes and you have the ability
to make that come true that's power
so never worry about looking stupid in
one moment just know on a long enough
timeline you can beat anyone at anything
alright guys that's it for today thank
you so much for joining me and for
submitting your questions I cannot tell
you how meaningful that is to me thank
you thank you thank you as a reminder
today's episode was brought to you by
grit go right now to shop that impact
Theory comm and get yourself signalling
merch and then if you didn't already
know On February 28th we are dropping
health theory it's our new show mind and
body connection how you can optimize
your mind and your body to really get
the most potential out of your life I
cannot wait for you guys to check that
out go check it out alright thank you if
you haven't already be sure to subscribe
and until next time my friends be
legendary
take care
[Music]