Kind: captions
Language: en
everybody welcome to another episode of
AMA I'm your host Tom bill you and I am
going to be taking your questions but
this time that you submitted ahead of
time forgive me because of travel we're
not able to record this one live but
nonetheless here we go first question is
from Kendra border hey Tom I'm currently
in the process of making changes in my
life and something I've realized is a
part of me refuses to let go of limiting
beliefs why do we care more about being
right than being happy I don't know that
we do care about being right more than
we care about being happy but I think
when you're not thoughtful about the
thoughts that enter your mind it is a
passive thing to want to be right it's a
passive thing to want to be happy but
there's not anything that kicks off
mechanistically in your mind that pushes
you down the path of being happy but
since you're in these constant
interactions where maybe you're right
maybe you're wrong maybe your idea wins
maybe it doesn't that makes it feel like
there's something that's constantly
being kicked up in your mind about
wanting to be right but the reality is
just our life situation is like that so
we're gonna be in situations where we
have to go to work at work we have a job
that we're supposed to do it collides
with other people's jobs you have a
family they have ideas that they want to
see put forth so you're just constantly
in a world where other people's ideas
are colliding with yours so that creates
a lot of momentum for that instance in
your brain to pop forward and say hey I
really want my idea to win I really want
to feel good smart right good all of
that stuff and because of that it
creates this dis-ease
in yourself because you haven't done the
work the very active work of getting out
of that passive cycle and saying okay
what I really want my long term goal is
hopefully a deep sense of fulfillment
and not just a sense of being
momentarily happy because part of the
problem is that being right will bring
happiness and that is part of the
conundrum where this really gets
confusing and I think that we have to
acknowledge that being right feels
awesome and this is where people get
themselves into trouble because you
become addicted to that and then given
your environment you're constantly
running into opportunities to be right
so that dopamine desire to be right to
get that feeling
happiness is there constantly dripping
at you and so in that moment you just
fight for it to be right to get that
release of dopamine yeah I won I'm smart
I'm good I'm worthy all those things
that you're going to feel momentarily
happy about so you have to do the hard
work of switching it over to making the
thing that gives you that a the dopamine
release of anticipation and then B I
really have to find out what the
neurochemical is probably serotonin that
you get when you're actually getting the
thing that you wanted so if you can
switch that over to learning something
new to acknowledge that whoa I was
willing to look at my inadequacies I was
willing to accept that I wasn't right I
was willing to admit publicly that I was
wrong that somebody else has a better
answer when that cycle gets the dopamine
release you're actually looking for
those moments to learn something you're
looking for those moments to realize
that you were wrong and then to then be
empowered by that new information that
becomes available because you lower your
ego and all of that if you can get that
cycle going then you'll find actually
the opposite which is that you're always
looking for opportunities to learn
something new that that's this
ever-present self reinforcing cycle and
that's a huge part of the growth mindset
and that's why I say one of the most
important things you will ever do is
switch what you build your self-esteem
around from being right being good being
worthy these permanent states over to
being the learner and always being
willing to admit when you're wrong if
you make that switch then suddenly the
mechanisms of a growth mindset become
much easier next question
dog Mara Ava in his book principles Ray
Dalio makes a distinction between goal
oriented thinkers versus task oriented
thinkers and your experience is it
possible to switch and train yourself to
become a goal airy oriented thinker from
a task oriented one what steps would you
need what steps would need to be taken
for that okay so absolutely 100% it is
possible I know because this is exactly
what I did in my own life I very much
used to be task oriented I have lovingly
said that what my parents imbued me with
was a slave mentality keep my head down
do as little work as possible and avoid
punishment at all costs that's how I
thought about things certainly how I
thought about school it's how I thought
about a job
how I thought about most of the
relationships in my life it was about
avoiding conflict it was not about
having a strong core beliefs it was
really getting by getting through life
like trying to you know get through the
week so that you can enjoy yourself in
the weekend and love your family and I'm
doing me wrong they had really amazing
intentions and they wanted me to enjoy
my life but there were just things that
they saw is an alien there were you just
couldn't change them and so that put me
in just thinking about whatever was
right before me so oh I need to get an A
okay you know this is what I'll do to
get my A and the grades is a perfect
example because the real goal should
have been learning it should have been
knowledge it should have been me going
hey the system doesn't actually really
give me the things that I want and so
pushing back against that and trying to
figure out what I need to do to actually
educate myself but I didn't do that
because the task before me was get an A
that's just what you did in my family
you got good grades and so cheating was
a perfectly reasonable solution to that
now when I went to college I realized
wait a second this is supposedly the
thing that I love most I was studying
film so if I really loved this then why
would I cheat if I'm going to try to get
a career out of this again why would I
cheat and if I'm taking on massive
amounts of college debt to learn about
this why would a cheat it doesn't make
sense and so in that I switched from
that task oriented mindset to really
thinking bigger about my goals there
were things in life that I wanted to
achieve that I wanted to accomplish and
I had to then reverse engineer what I
needed to do to get there and so when
you look at that so another great
example I use the word instead of task
and goal I use the words path and goal
so I think about a path as being totally
irrelevant and you could switch paths
give up on a path totally abandon a path
and never lose sight of what your goal
is so my goal now is to pull people out
of the matrix and by that I mean to give
them an empowering mindset that will
allow them to actually go out and do the
work that they need to do to get a skill
set that's gonna let them execute
against whatever they want but it's my
role in all of this is to give them that
core set of beliefs that's going to
allow them to not get in their own way
to realize that they can do and learn
anything that they set their mind to
okay so if that's my
now I have a path and my path right now
is narrative so it's putting out comic
books movies TV shows that's what I
think is the ultimate end goal and I
don't confuse that with the social
content which I believe is preaching to
the choir it's people that already are
on that path which is that's all the
hard work right making that flipping
that switch and really wanting to go
down that path so I can give very direct
instructions like this but ultimately to
do at scale what I want to do I have to
go down that path I think but I may be
wrong about that and if I end up being
wrong about that then I'll jettison that
path and do whatever is most effective
so I'll tell you one thing right now
that I'm constantly checking whether
it's working or not is as far as a path
versus the goal so Geoffrey Canada has
said basically give up on adults that's
you're past the age of imprint your past
where it's really easy to massively
influence somebody and so better to go
after kids maybe he's right maybe he's
not look him up super interesting dude
somebody I really want to get on the
show
I don't know he might be right but
emotionally I just really don't want
that to be true so I am going down the
path of first adults and then kids and
we've already got some projects that
we're beginning to incubate that RnB
kids but so anyway that's that's the
difference you absolutely can train
yourself to do that and it really boils
down to having a goal and I think this
is where most people fall down they
don't actually have a goal and so doing
the tasks before you become very easy
and this is actually one of the things
that drives me crazy about my wife who
spends a lot of time cleaning now
cleaning is a task and I get that it
gives her a momentary sense of happiness
but it's this never-ending cycle of
you're gonna have to clean again again
again again again and so making that a
priority in your life as if it were a
goal to me is to misunderstand the
difference between a task and a goal so
it's it's about what do you want what do
you want most what's worth fighting for
what's we're dying for like once you've
got that in your mind then you can begin
to switch yourself out of task-oriented
thinking and this really comes down to
write it down this is my goal in terms
of the very concrete steps you want
write it down this is my goal what are
the steps you need in order to reach
your goal those
tasks as you're doing your tasks you
have to be asking are they actually
serving my goal or not yes or no and if
they're not jettison them immediately
stop doing a task midstream if it's not
serving your goal once you realize that
once you get good at that process of
identifying whether or not it's actually
taking you towards your goal and break
that weird emotional relationship people
have with tasks the desire to check
things off a list the desire to you know
get things done and feel that micro
level of productivity and and I get that
and that is powerful when it's serving
your goal but everything has to come
back to that you've got to be ruthless
about whether or not it's actually
serving your goal okay next up Cody
dulky could you explore what it's like
to lose passion for something you were
once passionate for and how you come to
terms with choosing a new passion over
an old one I think about whether or not
I've actually ever lost passion I
definitely redirected my focus and over
time that flame then burns out so wow
it's it's really not my experience that
it happens quite like that so here is
how I actually have experienced the
world so passions are created they are
not innate it's not something that's
born within you might walk people
through how I develop my passion for
film before I've walked people how I
developed my passion for the body and
helping people with nutrition so I won't
belabor that point now but just know
that it is something that you create it
starts with an area of interest you
engage with that interest it either gets
more interesting to you which I'll call
a fascination or doesn't if it doesn't
move on to something else find another
area of interest engage with it and see
if it grows an interest and the easiest
way to understand that is as you engage
with that as you spend more time with it
is it giving you more energy than it
takes so if it gives you more energy and
you feel alive and you look forward to
and you want to do it that's a very good
sign that this is something that's
leading towards a real fascination now
in the book so good they can't ignore
you Cal Newport really differentiates
between the classical view of a passion
which is like I was born with it I'm on
fire and it's just naturally amazing and
what I think is actually a passion which
is the act of gaining mastery takes a
deep fascination and
turns it into a passion but I think like
love is a reciprocal relationship and
you're not actually in love if there's
no reciprocity I don't think you
actually have a passion unless you're
gaining mastery in it and you're able to
alter the world in some way through that
whether it's a musical creation whether
it's becoming an incredible teacher and
you know that you're impacting people's
lives whatever it is your skill set
actually allows you to serve other
people and that emotional resonance of
going wow I worked really hard for this
skill set I am actually good at this
thing and being good at this thing
actually allows me to manifest that in
some way that is tangible in the real
world so for instance I've spent a lot
of time a lot of time learning how to
communicate and learning how to
communicate not only helped me build
businesses but it's also helped me build
this amazing community and every time
someone stops me when they see me which
by the way I love so if you ever see me
out and about come up and say hello
that's incredibly meaningful to me and
when people tell me that the content is
somehow impacted their lives it's made
them start down a path of really gaining
mastery or changing their mindset or
whatever it is that it's impact them in
some way that for me is when I realized
whoa like this skill set which I have
worked inordinately hard to get good at
it actually has real-world implications
like right now it is all too easy for me
to get lost and to feel like this is
just me staring into the dead eye of a
camera lens but what I work really hard
on is thinking about the person on the
other side of that lens and that's the
juice that to me is a real passion so
when you've taken the time to build that
up even though over time you may begin
to focus on something else and that may
begin to diminish I find that the things
that survived that it started as an
interest I engage with it became a
fascination I went down the path of
actually gaining mastery it embeds
itself so deeply that it may go dormant
but it's like those flowers that rebloom
every spring right and do anything I
forget what those are called
you don't do anything there's a bulb a
seed that lies underground and every
year like clockwork it springs back up
and then it dies in the fall but then it
springs back up in the spring it's
really
pretty incredible and I think that's
what passion is like not interest
passion once you've taken the time that
that thing is there and so I went on
almost 15 years of not feeding into my
passion for movie TV shows I used to
watch seven films a week that's harder
than it sounds to watch an entire film
every day day after day month after
month is really really difficult and in
doing that it like was just
all-consuming in my life and it was
beautiful and one of the most amazing
things in my life and then I went
through this desert of becoming an
entrepreneur and really developing a
skill set and in that time I didn't
watch movies much I won't say that I
never did but if I was doing seven a
week I dropped down to like maybe less
than half of a movie a week so I mean is
just dramatic dramatic reduction same
thing with reading I wasn't reading any
nonfiction whatsoever then I started
reading nonfiction or sorry fiction I
wasn't reading fiction and I started
reading fiction once a year and that was
like big spender for me but now as I've
turned back to it because it actually
makes sense again with my goals it
bloomed back into life the moment the
son of my attention was upon it so in
that I feel like probably what you're
talking about may not have been a
passion it may have been either an area
of interest or a fascination and so
that's my gut instinct and so I would
follow that all the way through and if
you've got something in your life that's
robbing you of the passion for something
then I would stop that thing so let's
just take a job I think the fastest way
to hate your life is to hate your job
I think the fastest way to lose sight of
what made you love your passion in the
beginning could go away with a bad job
but I don't think that a job doing
something for a living necessarily makes
it worse in fact I will say I am more
passionate about storytelling now than I
have ever been in my entire life
because it feeds into my goals so even
though it's my job it's my day-to-day
thing I'm so Gore goal-oriented and I so
love that process that it's
so amazing to me to have tied something
that I have so much love and passion for
with actually solving business problems
and holding myself accountable to
revenue and supporting a team and all of
that mine so I could keep going about
this but I will stop Liam O'Donnell is
it possible to fully grow into your
potential achieve your huge goals and
continue on that journey of the mind
whilst used whilst which I respect while
still enjoying getting drunk and
partying I didn't see that coming or are
they completely mutually exclusive so
here's what I think about that I am a
big believer that if you're going all
out you are grinding it out you leave it
on the field mother [ __ ] I'm telling
you right now Monday through Friday if I
am awake I am working or working out
period in fact now these days I read
while I'm working out which I never did
before and we could do a whole episode
on how I've made that finally work but
that process one requires that you love
what you're doing so let me just make
that abundantly clear I love what I'm
reading about I love what we're trying
to build all of it just amazing it gives
me more energy than it takes away now
once you have that the really wanting to
actuate your potential and going after
it everyday and knowing I'm going to bed
now because I have left it all out on
the field and I'm telling you there are
times during the day where I'm like let
me just look at reddit for like five
minutes I just like for five minutes
I can't do it it's so embedded in me to
want to be the person that I say out
loud to actually be internally that
that's when I go and I start looking at
Instagram replying to comments doing
research whatever so doing that playing
that hard every day leads me to when I
want to stop and go shake my ass even if
it's a random Tuesday I'll go do that
because I know how hard I've played
every day I know how much I'm willing to
bleed for my goals so this is not about
emotional austerity this is not about
grinding yourself into into the dirt
first of all it's doing something you
love so that as you're grinding and
going that hard it's something that you
just want to do then on the other side
because you're going that
that you just don't have the guilt that
most people have when you take time off
and relax and chill so when I'm working
I am all the way in and when I'm
relaxing I'm all the way in so I think
this comes down to how much you're doing
of one than the other and I think if
you're asking the question you know
you're not giving it your all towards
building your your dreams and making
them come true and I would say focus
there figure out why not why are you not
putting all of your time and energy into
that and then also remembering that
there's no moral obligation to live your
life like that at Full Tilt going all
out and that is absolutely fine to have
balance in your life I'm not the balance
guy so my advice is never gonna sound
like it's going to achieve balance
because it absolutely will not but
there's no right way to live your life
so there is only a way that provides
deep fulfillment and I think just
neurochemically that's what humans are
wired to desire and to love and to sit
in and live with and I get a deep sense
of fulfillment from going so hard to
build a skill set that serves other
people so if you find that that's a
conflict in your life just be honest
with yourself about what you prefer
there is not a right answer
Johanna James Lynne in my experience
it's not until you have this sudden this
is it I'm serious now a moment that
everything clicks into place and the
thing you were struggling with becomes
easy can you manufacture one of these
moments how do you get yourself to that
point or do you just have to hope and
wait for one to come along you
absolutely do not hope and wait oh god
this is why I'm so anti [ __ ] patience
like it's not a thing it's not a thing
patience is not a thing okay now that
doesn't mean that you don't play the
long game you need to play the long game
whatever it is that you want but
patience to me is a synonym to relaxing
- waiting - letting it happen - thinking
all things happen for a reason which is
all horseshit you've got to go all-out
every day to build your skill set to
make something happen that that is truly
the only way now the great news is what
you're asking is there is a process to
that you're gonna go all-out for it
you're gonna try to make it happen and
it is the classic process of creating a
passion in your life you star
with an interest you engage with it
turns into a fascination you spend time
there going hard you decide do I want to
keep going do I want to actually gain
mastery if you decide yes
then you go down the path of actually
gaining mastery and that is how you
create a passion in your life that's how
you create the actually that's totally
different though from the moment you
were talking about which is the this is
it moment I'm gonna take it seriously
and that to me comes from one of two
things either taking the time to
cultivate your want and turn it into a
burning need that's huge and I think
most people don't take the time to do
that there's a huge reward for you at
the end if you do that if you want to
achieve big things I've spent a lot of
time doing that right now around comic
book so comic books to me have always
been something that I've liked I've
collected comic books for a very long
time but I've never considered myself a
nerd so I like when I hear some of the
people and how deep they can go unlike
the Marvel Cinematic Universe and the
comic lore around it and you know going
back to like storylines from the sixties
and seventies like that's some
next-level [ __ ] and I've never been that
deep into it but now because we're
publishing comics I really want to get
that deep into what makes all that work
what does that mindset about why do
people like all the sort of fractal
patterns that you can go down of
learning like all these like minut
things all around the central storylines
and in pouring myself into that really
looking that and in trying to fan those
flames in my own life about things
having to do with sort of collecting the
greater universe and I use that word
because as I'm speaking out loud I
realize that's the part in me that
triggers like I love collecting I love
having the physical thing I love like
this is related to that and
understanding how it's all
interconnected and so feeding into that
really turning it into something just a
couple days ago I had that first moment
of like where I was legitimately
neurochemical II rewarded for
discovering some obscure fact and I
thought cool that's what I've been
trying to build into this so that was me
taking a want which I really enjoy all
of the universe of comics but turning it
into a need right I need this for what
I'm doing to fan those flames to really
make me like hungry for that knowledge
and I think that will serve me well the
other is and this has happened in my
life as well to get so [ __ ] fed up and
disappointed with yourself that you just
won't tolerate it anymore so
hitting rock bottom is also incredibly
powerful and that happened to me right
after I got married and I realized I was
a lazy [ __ ] and I was doing absolutely
nothing with my life and I'd promised
this woman who was now my wife that I
was going to make her rich that I was
going to build an incredible life for us
and I wasn't doing that and I was doing
things that were only going to
exacerbate the problem make us even
poorer and yeah that just I was not
going to allow that to happen and I was
disgusted with myself welcome to
advanced class if you can leverage that
instead of being controlled by it it can
be very powerful and I'll just give you
a really simple way to deal with that if
you're spending more than 20% of your
time being disappointed in yourself
thinking negative [ __ ] about yourself
you are [ __ ] so don't do that
but that 20% can be very powerful it can
be the exact kick in the ass you need to
get back into the 80% to get moving to
do things to look at the beautiful
things that you want to create to look
at how you're winning and doing things
that are worthy and amazing and all of
that so 8020 is the nice simple way but
those are the two things rock-bottom
emotionally or turning a want into a
burning crushing need Oscar Zamora I'm
32 years old and recently discovered
that I want to dedicate my life to
making it in the movie industry word
however I feel too old to start studying
oh I've been working as a PA but I want
to be closer to the cameras as DOP do
you think it's too late for me to start
studying or should I continue on my
current path let me tell you something
right the [ __ ] now first of all you're
32 you were so young it's [ __ ] so
let's be really clear but let's answer
the hard question and let's say that you
were 62 years old and is it too late for
you I will say this the thing you should
be pursuing all-out in your life
whatever that's going to be should be
something that gives you more energy
than it takes so that the process the
act in and of itself is interesting and
fascinating here's what I find when
people start down these paths in fact
I'm about to give you probably the most
powerful entrepreneurial advice
achieving advice I am ever going to give
you you're going to ignore it as most
people do because it's very hard to get
your mind around that it's really this
[ __ ] simple but it's this simple
get rid of patience stop having the
patience to let things unfold naturally
now if you want to get ahead it's going
to take an obscene amount of time I am
NOT saying that my message is you can
make it happen overnight you absolutely
[ __ ] can't but let me tell you right
now even if you're giving yourself 10
years to become a DOP a director of
photography if you're gonna give
yourself 10 years to accomplish that I
promise you the only way it's gonna
happen is if you're saying to yourself
in every moment you're gonna bifurcate
your mind and I want people to
understand you will never win at the
highest level until you can hold two
competing ideas in your head and here
are the two ideas idea number one this
is gonna take me ten years idea number
two I'm gonna make it [ __ ] happen
today and I'm gonna ask myself every day
why didn't it happen today what thing
did I not do what skill set am I missing
what am I gonna have to do and I'm
telling you right now that has been the
secret to my success I was so desperate
to make things happen right now that I'm
always looking for what's the next
massive leap forward that it is not okay
for me to plan on it taking ten years
because secretly I know it's going to
but it's going to take ten years and
only actually going to happen for me if
I'm going all-out everyday like it has
to happen right now now to make matters
even more confusing
nobody likes a bull in a china shop so
while you're holding yourself internally
to that that it's got to happen today
what's the next quantum leap forward how
do I circumvent this system how do I not
just like grind it out going straight
forward that you don't ever let anyone
feel that you're gonna Bowl them over
that you're gonna break their system
that you come in you're looking for ways
to circumvent the system you're looking
for ways to jump the queue you're
looking for that next quantum leap
forward and yet people want to be around
you because when push comes to shove you
never step on a neck you're always
encouraging other people to rise up
you'll always stop and take the time to
build that relationship thinking only in
the long term because guys that's the
only way it actually happens so I'm
doing all of that stuff I go slow when I
need to go slow because it's the only
way to actually go fast if you're a dick
if you're like dismissing people because
you're like oh they're not gonna help me
do it today
then they won't be there six years down
the road because you didn't make a
friend before you needed it you didn't
plant a seed and this convoluted mess
that is these two conflicting ideas is
the only path forward
so to recap you're young if it's giving
you more energy than it takes it doesn't
matter if you're young because in the
moment you're gonna enjoy the process
you're actually going to have fun it's
going to make you feel more alive and
then you must hold the two competing
ideas in your head this is gonna take a
really [ __ ] long time and I
absolutely refuse for it to take a long
time and the reason that you do that it
gets you thinking totally differently if
your everyday you're thinking about 10%
incremental improvement she's never
gonna go anywhere if every day you're
forcing yourself to think I need to ten
fold this then all of a sudden you think
radically differently and in that
process through a lot of failure you'll
finally hit on something that actually
does let you go forward that fast that's
the secret
and if I could explain it really well I
like to think that it would be this
major breakthrough for people but I
don't explain this very well but it is
maybe not the most powerful thing any
human needs to learn but it's certainly
the most powerful thing any entrepreneur
needs to learn that's just the [ __ ]
truth all right Shannon you come I you
could you could I am in the process of
leaving medical school to pursue my
dream of being a travel videographer I
grew up in an environment where every
single one of my family my friends and
family finished school to work in
traditional safe jobs as excited as I am
I'm equally terrified
to go down this path and can feel the
self-doubt already how can I maneuver
through this alright we just did an
interview with an incredible man named
Kevin Kelly it's going to be coming out
by three or four weeks the honest answer
is watch this guy's
episode of impact Theory it it is
unbelievable so first of all he ends up
becoming one of the most influential
people in technology is successful by
every measure you can imagine he's the
founder of Wired magazine just an
incredible incredible human being but he
dropped out of college in the 60s to go
wander Asia which was just coming out of
the ancient times to be a photographer
and he said I just didn't overvalue
success like that was the same I loved
photography I wanted to go find myself
and he has this concept of don't try to
optimize oh wow we're really way later
than expected I thought that alarm won't
go off he he'd got what does he call it
premature optimization don't fall for
premature optimization you really need
to go find your voice and that means
stumbling around it means goofing off it
means having fun it means experiencing a
lot of stuff means trying and failing
like don't try to prematurely optimize
all right guys I got a piece out I got
to go jump on the flight thank you guys
so much for joining me always amazing if
you haven't already be sure to subscribe
and oh by the way today's episode is
brought to you by the do shirt if you
haven't already hit shop that impact
Theory calm self signal your way to
success alright guys until next time be
legendary
take care
[Music]