Kind: captions
Language: en
everybody welcome to another episode of
AMA I'm your host Tom do you and I'm
going to be taking your questions
remember you can always submit them to
connect at impact Theory comm without
further ado the first question is from
EJ I'm a musician and I'm trying to
build a career from it as it is my what
trying to build a career from it as it
is my absolute passion I feel I'm in a
cycle of going from crappy random job to
crappy random job so I can pay my rent
do you have any advice for how I can
keep my spirits up when I feel so down
from working these jobs alright so first
of all never be a slave to your emotions
so just because you're going through a
hard time
don't let that occupy your thoughts you
get what you focus on so if you focus on
the things that are going wrong you
focus on how much you hate your job then
your life is gonna be filled with misery
so what I want you to do is focus on the
things about your job that might be
useful something that you're learning
the people that you're meeting whatever
it is find something positive there is
always something focus on that thing
then as rapidly as you can you want to
either start making a living doing your
music or if you're not able to pull that
off yet you want to start making a
living doing something in that world so
if you're an accountant go be an
accountant for a music company things
like that there are a thousand ways to
be in the universe of things you really
like secretly deep down what I really
want to do this is partly actually true
and I've really considered this is
writing I want to write the comics I
want to write the screenplays like that
would be so much fun but what I do
instead is I'm in the universe of
creating the studio doing the business
side of things which isn't always the
most fun if I'm completely honest but I
have a fetish for control and we all
know what my goals are what I'm trying
to accomplish so because of that I'm
doing it in an arena where the things
that I'm around I love just going in
having a meeting with a comic writer or
an artist and spending that time looking
to hire an artist for instance is way
fun for me because I'm spending all that
time around the art so being in the
universe of is another way you can't
always
make your living in this case as a
writer of songs
Wow that was awkward as a musician but
you can be the universe of so those are
my two pieces of advice find a way to be
in the universe of even if it's doing
something that's tangential to that and
then second focus on the things that
fill you with joy that give you
something empowering something positive
that you can focus on that will keep
your mind in the right place while you
build the life that you really want all
right next question
who's there M based on the thesis put
forward by Cal Newport about passion
that it's created rather than found what
skills would you develop if you were a
teenager if your goal was to add as much
value to the world as possible who if my
goal was to add as much value to the
world as possible I'm gonna be honest
what I would focus on instead is what is
the thing that makes you feel most alive
and then how do you add value doing that
I find that everybody wants to help but
at the end of the day we're all gonna
help an incredibly unique way a way that
we love the way that makes us feel
passionate a way when we feel like the
unique set of skills that we want to
have and we want to develop how do we
find a way for those to serve other
people rather than leading with the sort
of vague notion of I want to serve and
help people start with okay this is the
thing that I love this is the thing that
makes me feel alive this is the thing
that gives me more energy than it takes
this is the passion that I have
developed but that passion that you
develop is still based on a spark of
real interest and I think that's where
people can get mislead even with things
that I say with things at Cal Newport
Side which by the way I've totally just
adopted the way that he thinks about
passion I think it is absolutely amazing
so you're going to create it but it is
going to be from a spark of something
that you actually do find interesting
intrinsically just in and of itself for
whatever reason when you around that
thing you want to do more you want to
engage no it's not gonna start out as
that full-blown passion but it is
intrinsically interesting so this isn't
a case of you go and make yourself love
the taste of in my case scalloped
potatoes which are like being tortured
for me this is a case of taking
something that you already have an
innate taste for something that's
interesting and then you take that
interest and build it into a raging
inferno
but you
you'll experience a lot of stuff to find
that thing you really spark with that
already piques your interest it gives
more energy than it takes that's the
thing that you develop so I would start
there I would start with the world that
you want to be in the things you want to
do and then find a way to serve others
with that so for instance filmmaking I'm
not just making any old film I'm making
films that empower other people that was
not at all what I thought about when I
was younger when I first got into film
and I fell in love with it in the
beginning just from storytelling and it
evolved as I began to look at how can I
serve other people and do something that
I love
next question Henry McGovern I'm 23 and
the more I learn about the growth
mindset the less urgency I feel to
actually do the work that's weird
because subconsciously I feel that I
have years and years ahead of me to get
a world-class to get to world-class
level I am still extremely ambitious but
I cannot seem to regather my lost
momentum or sense of urgency do you have
any advice for me this is fascinating so
I read a book when I was younger called
Einsteins dreams and in Einsteins dreams
there is a world where everybody lives
forever and because of that they
bifurcate into two separate camps camp
number one never does anything they're
just like you they feel like they always
have time to do it tomorrow which is
very weird that you get that from a
growth mindset I honestly I don't get
the connection there and I think you may
be conflating things but you've got that
back camp so people that never do
anything is always time to do it
tomorrow then you've got the other camp
which I very squarely fall into which is
they do everything because there's
plenty of time to get great at
everything now to me somebody that has a
growth mindset and understands one
fundamental key principle and that is
that skills have utility they're
actually meant to do something they're
meant to allow you to bring something
into existence that you wouldn't have
been able to bring into existence
without that skill because it has
utility and because I think people
getting deep sense of fulfillment out of
serving others out of doing something
that pleases themselves and makes a
world better for other people that sense
of fulfillment I think is the single
most intoxicating emotion that any human
can experience because of that that's
why I think a growth mindset is so
invigorating because you
why's that you can learn all of that
stuff you can harness all of that
utility you can bring these things into
existence that not only are exciting to
you thrilling but that they also allow
you to experience fulfillment by helping
other people so that to me is a growth
mindset now the other side which sounds
like a lack of quite honestly a lack of
just interest in what you're doing
because there is something out there
that's intriguing enough for you it's
fun enough for you that you're gonna
want to do it whether you're getting
paid or not and the urgency is born up
in at least small quantities around just
it's fun and it gives you energy and
it's exciting and then you're able to
turn that into that real deep-seated
sense of urgency that raging inferno of
desire of need to make something happen
by Fanning those flames by going through
a very mechanistic process of
understanding how to build an emotional
fire which just by way of analogy
building a real fire it's the same right
you've got to have the dry brush or
kindling of some kind that really
catches fire easily then a little bit
bigger kindling and then the real pieces
of wood but all built so that air can
flow through I mean it's a very similar
process to bringing a or developing an
interest into a full-blown passion in
your life we have to be thoughtful about
that you have to embody the energy and
the enthusiasm and things like that to
really work that up tell other people
what you're up to reinforce it in your
own mind all the things that go into
creating a passion if you spend the time
doing that based on something that
actually is a core real interest for you
then it can blossom into something
massive and I think you'll find that
urgency is born out of that so I would
say you just haven't found that thing
that sparks your interest enough to be
worthy of engagement to develop into a
full-blown passion when you find that no
one's gonna have to push and poke and
prod you and I'll call that drive versus
the ambition that you feel which is
exactly where I was as a kid I had these
huge dreams at all this ambition but I
had none of the drive to actually go and
see it through and I have cultivated
that urgency but all around things that
actually just were innately already
interesting to me p'win and I just got a
lesson stellar performance appraisal
something along the lines of needs
significant improvement something I felt
was unfair as I had put in a lot of hard
work
it has dented my self-confidence and I
feel as if I'm not required and now need
to look for a new job how can I rebound
from these feelings of inadequacy and
what can I learn from this this is so
powerful Pawan thank you so much for
sharing this with us so here's the thing
the very ability to bounce back from
that kind of negative feedback that is
the juice that's the thing that's the
skill if you can get good at that if you
can get kicked in the face and right
there in real time emotionally recenter
yourself remind yourself of the tenants
of a growth mindset that you may not be
good at it yet but you can get good and
remember the idea is to get so good they
can't ignore you and if they're ignoring
you if they're passing you over if
they're telling you that you need
significant improvement you haven't done
the things to truly wow them to fill
them with a sense of fear over losing
you and if you've really gotten that
good and they still are denying you
you're still in the position of power
because it means you're really that good
but my guess is because it knocks your
self-confidence you're unsure of what
your skillset is which means you
probably aren't that good because if you
were you'd see the real-world results
and they just would be unassailable so I
would focus on knowing that you can get
good knowing that you can get better
knowing that the juice is to recenter
yourself emotionally to go back in
despite all of the embarrassment that I
know you feel because I felt that I've
been through this but to go in despite
all of that and focus exactly on
building the set of skills and not in
getting emotionally torn so that you're
no longer paying attention to your job
so you're performing even worse because
you're sort of half out because you're
you want to quit before they can break
up with you and you want to find another
job now's your chance man double down go
hard show them that you're willing to
focus on getting those skills and quite
honestly forget about them show yourself
show yourself that you're willing to go
after those skills and build that that
is all that matters
this is such a powerful moment in your
life man I know it hurts but on the
other side of this you're going to have
developed an extraordinary skill and
oddly excited for you because I know
what awaits you on the other side
all right Julien brain gold I'm an
artist and have a super specific goal
that I'm genuinely excited about I'm
working and doing well towards it but
find my
of having a hard time sitting down and
putting in the hours in a prolonged
fashion do you have any idea why yes
when everything seems to be in place and
it comes down to doing the work I
struggle alright first of all read
Angela Duckworth's book grit this is a
question of developing the grit muscle
and I will say the easiest most
pleasurable way to do that is to
meditate meditating for 15-20 minutes at
a time to be able to do nothing but
focus on your breath that already is
going to teach you to elongate the
amount of time that you can sit there
and just focus on one thing so practice
doing that taking it longer and then
practice doing what you're doing longer
and longer and longer and maybe at first
it's five minutes push it out to 10 then
20 then an hour and then just start
along gating that practicing to see how
long you can really go with something
and then I fear that we also have just
like an interest problem so is it that
the art in and of itself isn't
interesting it doesn't light you on fire
maybe it's insecurity you're doing it
and you think I'm really not that good
this is forcing me to face my
inadequacies and in which case we have
to deal with that we have to remind
ourselves about the growth mindset and
focus on that we can't get better every
time I write every time I have to face
my inadequacy in adequacies even to this
day and so I always deal with that first
to make sure that I understand this is
part of the growing process that in
doing this thing I'm going to get better
and then identity kicks in and I'm the
type of person that I'm the type of
person that sits down and does the work
and when you start putting those things
together finding something that you're
sincerely interested in practicing along
gating how long you can focus on one
thing and then wrapping your identity
around the fact that you're going to sit
there and put in the work you will find
that it just gets much much easier and
you get much much better at doing that
so there it is Jenna Robinson you've
said in the past that if you only work
smart hours then you're always going to
be beaten by someone who is willing to
work smart and the long hours but does
working very long hours reduce your
ability to work smartly eg losing
concentration so you're not learning as
much reducing your ability to
reducing your ability for deep rather
than shallow work etc okay so I'm ty
rated about this a thousand times so I'm
gonna take a totally different approach
and I'm gonna say this there's no
obligation to work hard smart and long
hours do whatever you want that at the
end of the day this is all about neuro
chemistry it's about feeling good about
who you are it's about loving your life
it's about fulfillment it's it's really
just enjoying this one chance that you
get at this life and so if when I say
work hard long and smart that doesn't
feel right to you and you don't want to
do that by all means don't do that my
whole thing is if you want to be the
best if you want to play in a world
stage if you want to outperform if you
want to get extraordinary results the
reality is if you already know how to
work hard and smart then the last
variable is long hours now if you find
that you're working so many hours that
you click into the point where it's now
working backwards then then you found
the breaking point
so you'll notice I prioritize sleep so I
make sure I get all the sleep that I
need because I know to perform optimally
I have to do that so if you've got some
breaking point where it's not fun and
you want to go take a break
and you're you can tell that your
learning is slowing down cool then you
know that's the time to take a break
I'm never bashful about taking time off
when I need it because I know how hard I
play leave it all out on the field every
day and because of that when I need a
break I'll [ __ ] take a break there
you go in fact Rob boner ability time
I'll just tell you right now I sent my
wife a text message this morning and
I've said I I have been emotionally
needy for her in the last like three or
four days it's been super weird it's
come out of nowhere I've not tried to
pretend that that's not true and I've
just leaned on her and I've told her
exactly how I feel I told her all of my
frustrations and I even told her I don't
want you to solve the problem I just
want you to listen and she's been
absolutely phenomenal about knowing when
to listen and give me that space and
look I just needed that I needed to be
able to lean on her to get myself back
going in the right direction and I'm
just not conflicted about it I don't
worry about that I don't worry about
what it says about me because I know I'm
playing exactly I'm playing this life
exactly the way that I want to play it
exactly the way I need to play it to get
what I want from a neuro
chemical standpoint so do you like
whatever feels right whatever feels
amazing that's what you should be doing
so my work hard work smart work long
hours is all about that thing that I
value not everybody has to value that
all right Ashutosh Garg
who wins today's name challenge for
having the best name YouTube hey Tom I
want to know why dopamine is mostly
released in things which are not good
for us why doesn't it release during
good habits and why do we feel
frustrated doing good habits so I'm
gonna take a little bit of exception
here so first of all dopamine is
released for anything that nature wants
to incentivize and dopamine is not the
pleasure chemical the feel-good chemical
it's the anticipatory that excitement
about something that's about to happen
now part of what makes you say that that
happens when it's things that are
illicit maybe like let's take over
eating which is a really easy example to
explain why nature would incentivize
this so nature incentivizes eating
through the use of the dopamine pleasure
cycle so you get the massive
anticipation it's really exciting and
then you get the flood of neural
chemistry of feeling good and all of
that from eating that thing so in that
cycle that's what propels you to go out
to hunt to eat to get things that are
fatty salty sugar all the things that
were in really low supply when we had to
hunt for everything so in that time it
was good to gorge it was good to put on
some fat because you didn't know when
you were gonna get your next meal
so nature incentivizes the massive
pursuit of things that are very hard to
get now the problem is and even take sex
for instance the problem is in a modern
context a lot of this stuff becomes easy
either through pornography prostitutes
whatever the case may be in terms of sex
or food going to the grocery store and
getting whatever you want
very cheap that's where it becomes a
problem in a modern context but I will
say that I think you can hijack this and
this is something I've built in the
harder I work the greater release of
feel-good chemicals I get I'm proud of
myself for working hard for striving
towards something fulfillment which is
just naturally
amazing and I think is one of the best
if not the best cocktails of neuro
chemistry anybody can hope to have and
it's certainly the one that survives
even those down moments where it's
brutal what you're going through may be
just gnarly but you feel good about who
you are that's that is incredible that's
really hard too because it doesn't have
the transience of so many other things
so the idea is to work into your mind
that desire for those things to value
those things and we get to choose what
we value so for instance
oddly enough I get a release of positive
neuro chemistry when I'm fasting and I
go stand next to someone who's cooking I
absolutely love doing that because in
those moments I'm willing to suffer for
something I want I'm only to delay
gratification and because I've built
that into my life as a value then I get
that incredible rush of serotonin
feeling good about myself it's
incredible but I've created that in my
life so you've got to be careful about
the things you value not just give in to
the natural impulses to find ways to
build that release of positive neuro
chemistry around things that move you
towards your goals so but you build that
in it's not necessarily all gonna happen
automatically but winning that's pretty
rad so again you just have to be careful
about what you value winning at all
right there it is alright guys I have to
wrap I wish I could tell you why but I'm
super excited about what I'm about to do
so know that we are making progress and
all the things that we told you that we
were gonna do around here step by step
day by day we are making our dreams come
true and I'm very excited to be
revealing things to you soon I think
we're gonna be making a huge
announcement in the next six weeks so
buckle up alright guys thank you so much
for joining me by the way if you haven't
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legendary
take care
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