Kind: captions
Language: en
what is up everybody welcome to another
AMA live I'm your host Tom bill you and
may I wish you a happy may the fourth
may the fourth be with you alright we're
gonna be diving into your questions
today if this is adding value to you in
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please do share alright first question
without further ado is from Emma the
Nissen this is from the connecting box
do you think it is a delusion to believe
that you can become professionally good
at anything at all regardless of age
considering that there are many
competitors out there who are way
younger than you and will only continue
to grow ahead of you because of this
difference in starting point so I'm very
open to it being delusional as long as
that delusion is gonna be the thing that
kick-starts you and gets you going over
the long run know if you put in the work
I think most people fall away because
they're not willing to do the work so
regardless of age I think that people
should be pursuing something with all of
their might
that gives them energy that excites them
that fills their life with joy that when
they bust ass and they're working hard
at it that it makes them feel good about
themselves and what they're doing and
accomplishing and it's thrilling now
because of all that because the purpose
of life is to find fulfillments to do
something that is just rad it isn't
about money it isn't about success it's
about doing something with your life
that is awesome to you and to you alone
now I think if you're doing that and
you're pursuing that I think that the
number of people that you will eat alive
because either they're pursuing
something that they don't care enough
about so they're not gonna have the
energy to keep pushing or they just
don't put in the time and energy there I
don't know they don't value that they
don't make it part of their identity and
so they're never pushing at that level I
think that you will surpass just an
ungodly amount of people so at the end
of the day this is really a two-fold
thing yes I think that you can get
professionally good at something if
you're willing to put in the hours and
you have that level of intensity and I
wrote a whole blog article on this about
the nuance of
where this goes so I will say that if
you want to read the like infinitely
nuance to answer to this question go
sign up for the newsletter but the very
brief explanation is for sure there are
some things that if you don't have an
innate talent for it's gonna be way
harder than you than other people and I
think that doesn't have anything to do
with age it just has to do with some of
us get easy wins in certain areas take
my wife my wife has always been able to
draw better than anyone else in her
family so when they did drawings at the
same time and they showed them to her
grandmother her grandmother said well
it's not fair because Lisa's the
youngest only to find out that Lisa's
was the best and she just assumed that
that was a drawing of the oldest because
it was so much better so as Lisa put
time and attention into becoming a great
artist
she got amazing like skillset out of
that because everything was just sort of
amplified by that natural ability now
take me for instance I got early wins
and being able to speak so all the
energy that I put into my verbal
abilities has come back to me at a rate
higher than maybe most people that put
that same time and energy but on
business I had absolutely no intrinsic
skills whatsoever literally I have no
entrepreneurial instincts by nature and
so I really had to pour myself into that
to develop my skill set but both I have
done to tremendous effect in my life one
where I was getting early wins and sort
of this exaggerated return and then on
the other where it was just Griffon Rob
perseverance and willing to grind it out
because and this is like gonna become my
new obsession to explain to people
because I was getting so much energy out
of it and even though I was sucking out
and I was embarrassing myself at every
turn
it was feeding this mission that I had
something I really wanted to do in my
life and because of that I was willing
to just go go go go and then when I
finally learned the real lesson which is
that when you're willing to do it and go
that hard not only for something that
you find really interesting and it's
giving you energy but then you also put
a mission into it of something that you
we believe in and that you just have
built into your life to be that North
Star of what feeds your soul then you
put those two things together and all of
a sudden regardless of whether or not
you have innate natural talent you're
gonna crush it so the short answer is
regardless of age with the one caveat if
you're really old you may just not have
the amount of years ahead of you sadly
to put the time and energy into it
but yes you can get that good at
anything if you follow those simple
instructions that I just gave you all
right
taarna YouTube why do you prioritize
sleep so highly just curious of what
makes you so committed to that and the
science behind it thank you for all you
do
tarna so here's my thing this is
definitely there is a lot of science out
there on it and I will point you to
Shawn Stevenson in the model health show
he came on impact theory actually he
came on health theory excuse me
go watch the Sean Stephenson episode of
health theory he talks all about sleep
he gives you all the science in the
world I'm not well-versed enough in the
science to beat him so just go watch
that episode of hell theory now I'll
give you the end of one study that I've
done it myself I find that I'm slower
when I'm fatigued so I find myself
drifting I have more symptoms of what
we'll call a tea a DD so that my
attention is just drift drift drifts and
then I find I'll read a sentence or
whatever and be like kind of to reread
the sentence like 10 times so that was
just going whoa I'm not as efficient as
I could be and then the other is I find
it a unique form of misery there is an
additional ring of hell that is saved
just for people who are fatigued I hate
it so much
so it's misery and I don't understand
people that live a life that is
miserable I just don't get it and then
on top of that I think you actually
accomplish less if you're fatigued so
you're putting more hours we're actually
getting less done per hour
so if being fatigued puts you at like
0.6 of what your output could be and
then being just like incredibly well
rested prioritizing that puts you at you
know it's I guess mathematically I
should be saying just one then like you
have to make up 40% of the number of out
and waking up early just to break even
and then you put misery on top of that
so that that's my end of one experience
is that I am so deadly efficient when
I'm rested that I just get more done so
comparing those suicide by side I get I
actually accomplish more so that doesn't
mean that super occasionally I won't and
I almost always do this without an alarm
I won't like really fill myself with
excitement before I go to bed so that
I'll wake up unnaturally early but again
that's without an alarm I'll just say
like as I drift up out of like a really
deep sleep if there's something that I
really need to get down where I'm really
amped up about I can usually build that
into my mindset and so I'll just wake up
and get after it so yeah that doesn't
mean that I don't sometimes sort of try
to cheat and get a little asleep but I
do it through excitement rather than
alarms and that's pretty rare so that's
why I do it alright next up
Seba and I Kiba Keva cabba tallien this
is from Facebook excuse me should you
abandon the pursuit of something you're
great at but not passionate about in
pursuit of discovering your passion ok
so first and foremost the really just
fan scent fast answer is if your life is
not giving you energy is not bringing
joy you're not chasing fulfillment it's
not a life that you're enjoying living
you should change no matter what so yes
now I don't think you discover your
passion I think you discover an interest
you develop a passion so I wouldn't
hesitate at all if I was going in fact I
know this because this is exactly what I
did so when I was at awareness
technologies I've been grinding for
years and years and years trying to
build a company that I didn't care about
and in the beginning it was awesome
because I was building the skill set and
was giving giving giving to me and then
after a while my skill set was
stagnating because I didn't have the
energy to keep pushing because I hated
what I was doing on a day-to-day basis
and so I went into my partners and I
quit and I said I just can't do this
anymore
this doesn't make sense I want to go do
something that makes me feel alive those
are my exact words I want to feel alive
again and so I was going to leave being
an entrepreneur and I was going to go
right
and that was gonna be my full-time gig
hopefully at this point you guys all
know the story that I end up staying and
we sell that company and we start quest
and obviously that transformed every
aspect of my life but quest was me
saying I need to be alive in the
day-to-day so I need to build a company
that I really really care about
and so that was taking you know what I
was learning about the just the
day-to-day realities of living a life
and it needs to be beautiful and
wonderful and you need to be creating
something that you really believe in and
have deep passion for but that I had to
build that passion and I had to take
that time to really think about what was
something that I could take from an area
of interest and turn it into a raging
inferno of need in my own life and so I
began to focus on my mom my sister
wanting to help them and the hundreds of
millions if not billions people that
were struggling with food in the same
way that they were and I just built it
into my life I found those flames I
obsessed about it I told other people
that that's what I was gonna do and I
was gonna give my life over to that and
because I knew that that was really real
at the core of my life that I could fan
those flames and I could turn it into
something that was that compelling and
exciting and just provocative in my life
and that I wanted to do it so that's
what you need to do now if you don't
have that area of interest yes you need
to go discover that you need to go and
counter a lot of things you need to go
play and fumble around and explore and
just drink life in and I think that
you'll be shocked at how much you can
just get your real expenses down to
virtually nothing and be able to go do
and explore those kinds of things so
even if that means you know sleeping in
a studio apartment with three or four
other people in a sleeping bag on the
floor and I just cannot tell you how
many profoundly successful people
started their Mark Cuban has a
ridiculous story about cramming himself
into you know some tiny one-bedroom
apartment like 10 guys and sleeping on
the floor I used to manage apartment
complexes so that I can keep my rent at
virtually nothing at one point it
literally was nothing so there are ways
for people that are willing to really
think about how to do that and how to
limit and control your expenses when we
started quest I got rid of my car and I
was any well I'm derailing on that but
there are ways to limit your expenses so
that you can go fumble Bumble and
explore and I highly encourage you to do
that
because this life is long and beautiful
wonderful if you construct it to be so
but if you're not doing something you
believe in it's gonna suck
shadow cage that's really the name wait
is this you this is YouTube so this is
probably some made-up [ __ ]
that's a cool made-up name hi Tom when
you first started your business your
partners where they close friends how
did you handle fear or distrust friends
and money usually don't mix well right
okay so I've done everything from work
with people that I didn't know hardly at
all to them becoming real deep friends
to working with family I've had things
go well I've had things go poorly I've
had things run their course and then you
change direction so I think at the end
of the day here's my real advice on that
don't get into business with somebody
that you don't have that trust for so
take that time to build that trust if
that's what you need to do it so happens
that the one time I really took a
quote-unquote big risk which wasn't
really a big risk because they were
bringing me on as an employee and
honestly unless you're gambling a whole
lot of your money it's never really a
big risk you can always get back to
where you're going
results like if you can deliver results
for somebody's business you're always
gonna be able to get hired so I just
don't spend a lot of time worrying about
that so but the reason I'll say that it
was a big risk was that I was going to
work for people that I really didn't
know that well I knew well enough but I
didn't know that well and so obviously
that can always go poorly in any job
environment so I would have a savings of
six months cut that down to you know as
little as you need to but have a savings
of six months so that if you take a new
job or you take a risk or you start
working with somebody that you can
always back out that it's not a panic
that you're not gonna be able to eat I
would work with them as much as humanly
possible before you jettison the day job
or whatever it is it's keeping you
afloat or working together for as long
as possible before you're pumping a lot
of money into something and then so
that's sort of all the like basic [ __ ]
now let me take you somewhere really
interesting and this is the thing that I
highly encourage everybody to do and
that is to be the same person at the
beginning of that relationship when it's
like exciting and stress-free as you are
when it gets really [ __ ] muddy and
scary and maybe they're going crazy like
if you're the
emotionally centered calm through line
that is always looking for a way to make
this work - if it's going to have to
dissolve to not freak out to not get
emotional that's just the way of it
sometimes and if you can keep your
equilibrium through that you're gonna be
shocked that even though hey this is a
risk and because my real thesis here is
never be afraid to try something so
don't let yourself be paralyzed by
indecision so do whatever you need to do
to build that trust to have enough
belief that it could work out that you
gonna go into it but my thing is even if
it dissolves cuz I always walk into
something going hey I think that this
could work and I see a path to how I'm
gonna make this work but I want to look
at the worst-case scenario so looking at
the worst-case scenario
everyone's freaking out all the trust is
dissolving nobody's having fun anymore
the business isn't working
now what now if through that you can
have equilibrium if through that
everyone that you touched feels like
even though the entity failed like wow
that person really like how to cool head
they kept it together even in a failed
attempt at something beautiful things
may come out of it people may reach out
to you afterwards and say like somebody
just said to me the other day I was
really moved by this cuz it's somebody I
have deep respect for and they're
actually gonna be coming on the show
which I'm very excited about because I
don't want to reveal who this was they
reach out to me and just said look
they've known me for a long time and
they said I've always felt like a real
connection to you and I thought wow
that's interesting because they've seen
things go well they've seen things go
poorly well again poor that like they've
been around long enough to really see
from a longevity standpoint sort of a
lot of ups and downs so but I'm always
me and I'm not freaking out and if
you're always dealing with things in
that way even in a failed opportunity I
think you'll find that great things come
out of it so don't be paralyzed by fear
of things going wrong always be yourself
and things even when they don't work out
on a financial level you can get
positive things out of it in the end all
right Bernal Washburn I want that one to
be real as well how do I get hungrier
when I succeed rather than becoming
complacent usually success inspires me
to achieve more but sometimes I'm
tempted to just go on vacation for a bit
so first of all have you been working
your ass off and you want to take a
vacation take a vacation
like this is one thing I really want to
know that people hear me because I get
feedback from my social post sometimes
make me wanna crawl to my [ __ ] phone
I work my ass off because I believe in
what I'm doing and I'm excited about it
and I like touching lives and building
something that matters to me
so working really hard in service of
something that you believe in is amazing
and that is the nature of fulfillment
fulfillment often times comes from
momentary suffering it's going in the
gym and busting your ass and doing
things that hurt and suck in the moment
but they make you proud of who you are
so assuming that you're really grinding
like that then the second part of it is
if you know you're leaving it all out on
the field every day and you're just
going for broke on that random Tuesday
when you're like you know what I'm gonna
take the day off
take the day off don't feel guilty about
it don't be conflicted like go all in
and do that thing like whatever that is
if it's sit and watch TV if it's sitting
just clutch onto your significant other
if it's playing with your kids if it's
going to the movie a beach a resort
somewhere whatever it is do it all the
way when you're working work all the way
and when you're relaxing relax all the
way and don't be conflicted about it now
if you're talking about like on a grand
scale and this stuff starts to drag on
and you're losing the will to like keep
fighting and keep going now that's
something different I'll say that that
comes down to what do you really want
what do you want out of life and for me
the thing that I want with a massive
amount of intensity is fulfillment I
want to feel a certain way about myself
when I'm by myself that is the single
most comforting thing that I've ever put
my time and attention on is believing in
myself feeling like I'm making use of my
time here on earth that the skill sets
that I'm building fill me with joy and
pride and that they serve other people
as well as serving myself
that's just neuro chemically what I've
gotten the most fulfillment out of like
that and I want a better word for it
because it's joy in a sustained way it's
joy that weathers momentary storms it's
the thing that you anchor yourself to
when you're having a moment of
self-doubt when things aren't going well
when other
people tell you what you're doing is
[ __ ] the thing that you're gonna hold on
to in that moment is men I've really
busted my ass I know how hard I'm
willing to work for things that I
believe in I know that I'm adding value
not to my just myself but other people
that's fulfilment and that like people
just they cannot take it away from you
so that's my punchline it's okay to go
on vacation structure your life around
things that really give you that deep
and lasting sense of fulfillment Ryan
Allen McKee Oni no keone this is from
YouTube I want to leave my religion
because it's holding me back this is
already fascinating from my true
potential and my wife is kind of on the
same path as me but we're scared about
what people are going to say how do we
find courage okay so I'll I can only
give you what I have done in my life and
what I have found to be just wildly
effective is two things one to meet
everyone with compassion and to know
like when you jettison people gonna
freak the [ __ ] out in that moment though
you're gonna meet them with compassion
you're gonna fully get that to them that
feels like an attack to them it feels
like you're rejecting everything they
believe in that you're like removing
this key stone pillar belief in their
life they're not gonna dig that and so
they're gonna say things they're gonna
be upset and all of that and you're
gonna meet up with compassion like just
understand it right my whole thing is if
behavior is predictable it shouldn't be
emotionally painful so the behavior is
predictable I'm telling you right now
that's exactly what's gonna happen
people are gonna freak the [ __ ] out so
but understand that that's about them
that it's not about you be sympathetic
understand that be compassionate
recognize that they're now going through
something that has nothing to do with
you even if they're lashing out so I
just I get it and so I feel for them
it's not easy to deal with okay then the
second thing is people treat you exactly
the way you let them treat you so I come
at this [ __ ] with aggression so my whole
thing is I'm aggressively myself now
that turns some people off I fully
understand that but that stops me from
being backed into a corner because
congruence is huge and I understand how
to leverage it in my life
but only because I recognize that it's
[ __ ] huge and when I say like I don't
care what other people think that [ __ ]
is hard it is hard to maintain that it's
hard
build all that confidence in yourself to
earn credibility with yourself to be
yourself and accept the consequences to
be compassionate to people when they
react to you and not take it personally
like that [ __ ] takes a lot of effort so
don't think I don't say that in any way
Cavalier like I put a lot of time and
attention I have the same desire to be
liked and loved as everybody else that
feels [ __ ] awesome when people like
you and they think what you're up to is
amazing it's just the truth now you've
got to find ways to not let that control
you so my thing is I have such a
crushing paranoia of wasting my life
because there's so much joy and
neurochemical fulfillment to be had and
that is so pleasurable that I just won't
let people back me into a corner and the
only way I found is to like come at
people and let them know you're about
and I'm saying that sort of
tongue-in-cheek because I don't do it in
a mean-spirited way but dude I'm [ __ ]
myself like I say what I think and I put
it out there I'm not bashful this is all
context dependent
but like especially when it comes to my
family I'm me that's it I let them have
their reaction I don't push back I let
them go through whatever they're gonna
go through but I mean and I'm
consistently me I'm aggressively me I am
me that's it I don't let people change
me I don't back down and because they
can feel that I'm coming from a good
place that I love them I don't need them
to change I'm not looking for them to
change I'm not trying to come in and who
they are or what they believe this is
just me this is right for me and then
then I am a reed in the wind so when
people come at me and they're telling me
that I'm wrong I'm crazy whatever it's
like Bruce Lee says be like water my
friend I don't push back I don't push
back and this is something I can't
stress enough because I'm not gonna let
them change me I've already said like
this is me this is who I am
I don't proselytize I'm not trying to
convince people to be like me so if
they've got all the arguments in the
world my thing is like I totally hear
you and I fully respect where you're
coming from period not I hear you I
totally respect for you're coming from
and let me tell you why I'm this way and
why I think it's the right way I don't
do that I fully respect I hear you I'd
get where you're coming from thank you I
appreciate the feedback and I mean that
like I'm I
like hearing of the people's opinions
but because of that there's nothing for
them to grab on to and this is something
that I've seen my wife struggled with
with her family like she really wants
them to understand and like not even
necessarily agree with her but accept
that that's her position and they're not
necessarily gonna do that so compassion
be yourself
sometimes aggressively and then make
sure that you aren't trying to convince
other people to see your wake they're
not going to all right crystal Cirrus
dad this is from Facebook do you have
advice on creating a better future
without a college education yes so
here's the answer crystal you're going
to as of right now this moment you're
gonna focus entirely on one thing
getting so good you cannot be ignored
now what do I mean by that getting so
that you deliver results deliver results
for yourself to deliver results for
other people I'll just tell you every
business owner on the planet is looking
for people that can help them grow their
business that's it they care about one
thing and one thing only can you deliver
results so the good news here is you can
always count on humans to be selfish and
I don't mean that in a bad way I mean
they're passionate about the things that
they're passionate about they're trying
to accomplish the things are trying to
accomplish and if you can show how you
can help with that people are gonna want
you no matter what I don't give a [ __ ]
if you have a college education
like that is so irrelevant to me a
college education merely tells me that
you've been formally trained it doesn't
tell me if you're actually good now on a
resume can be very powerful because I'll
look at that in a shorthand I'll say oh
[ __ ] like they probably are ahead of
somebody that doesn't have those things
but if you're out in the real world
getting results I'm all for that and let
me tell you how fast you can convey that
with something like if I'm like right
now hey everybody by the way PS if
you're a director of marketing we want
to hear from you especially if you
understand content marketing so I think
most people in this community know that
Jarrod has moved up to San Jose
I don't do remote employees he's chasing
his own thing that guy was amazing and
I'm super heartbroken that he left but
now we're looking for somebody to
replace him with and what I look for is
I look for people that have done [ __ ] I
don't I actually don't even look at
their college education I don't even
scan
that far down in the resume I just want
to know what are you doing what have you
accomplished and like can you put
together a comp like what is the word
I'm having a stroke
comprehensive isn't the word when I'm
gonna stick with it cohesive there we go
can you put together a cohesive coherent
resume which you'd be shocked how few
people actually can so put that together
maybe a super brief cover letter maybe
you hit the person up on social whatever
anyway it is really easy if you're
actually good it's really easy to
convince other people that you're
actually good so focus all your time and
energy on actually getting good like
guys lean in somehow as a society we've
gotten away from getting extraordinary
and that's where I want people to return
to get extraordinary get really good
like get just obscenely good at
something go all in get a skill set
that's the only thing that matters you I
learned way more after I graduated
college than I learned in college but
that's because I was so afraid that I
was never going to do anything with my
life because I felt lost I felt hopeless
I felt talentless and at the time I
thought talent was like you had it or
you didn't and I was heading towards
depression and because I didn't want to
end up there I needed something else and
that thing ended up being brain
plasticity was how I thought of it at
the time now everybody knows growth
mindset believing that I could get good
at something and then I just went
freakishly after getting good so if you
do the same it will pay dividends in
your life I just kind of tell you how
much though because it's so extreme all
right Jason door Deline could you
describe the specific actions you engage
in to manipulate your neuro chemistry in
order to cultivate the mindset and
energy you need to push through tough
times and be highly productive yes okay
so it looks like this the first thing
that I do is I believe that the human
animal is wired for adaptation okay so I
don't need to believe anything specific
about myself I just need to believe that
humans can get good at anything that
they put their mind to that's literally
what we are wired and designed
okay so we're this adaptation machine
okay so how do we adapt we adapt by
putting ourselves under stressors okay
awesome so I'm gonna put myself under
stress to get better now what do I know
about the way that the brain works the
way the brain works is it's designed
from an evolutionary standpoint to keep
me safe so what is that equate to the
phrase that I use is it equates to
keeping me small so meaning that I'm not
trying to rise too far up in the
hierarchy that I might offend somebody
that they're gonna want to kick me out
which from an evolutionary standpoint
getting kicked out of the group being
ostracized meant literally death and
that's why it hits those pain centers in
your brain so I know that that's how my
brain is going to react that if somebody
you know isn't liking what I'm doing
that I'm in a retreat that people are
gonna panic about public speaking myself
included and so that you've really got
to anticipate that but that's the way
that the brain reacts so okay I'm not
gonna fall prey to that meaning I'm
gonna have belief systems you can go to
impact Theory calm right now and
download the 25 point belief system for
more details on that the other part of
all of this is that I'm going to I have
this I'm gonna get it what is that next
thing you've got your belief system good
do it so let me just reread your
question to engage in the manipulate my
neural chemistry
thank you it's in the question I know
that there are physical hooks in to how
you get your neuro chemistry where you
want it so I'm going to learn those
physical hooks that's really important
diaphragm breathing is massive so if
you're having trouble the anxiety
learning to diaphragm breathe which
takes you out of the sympathetic nervous
system which is fight or flight into the
parasympathetic nervous system which is
rest and digest
also known as calm and creative so I'm
gonna learn to do that so meditating
have a having a mindfulness practice all
of that stuff is gonna help tremendously
and then just reading about this stuff
so that you really understand that you
understand what the brain is doing you
understand the physical hooks into this
and that belief system knowing how to
use mantras repeating things in your
head that a growth mindset basically the
way that you make it real in your life
is what you repeat in your head and what
you repeat out loud to other people that
you're going to do those two things are
critical in a way that I cannot explain
like until you get control of your as
dr. Daniel Eamon talks about automatic
negative thoughts and
learn to crush those through cognitive
behavioral therapy techniques it's also
known as CBT so that you're stopping
yourself when you have that thought
you're using it as a habit loop trigger
to say in your head that empowering
thing that you repeat to yourself and so
that whole thing is how I'm able to keep
myself focused on something positive and
I'll add one thing to that do you have
to earn credibility with yourself that
that's really huge that sort of
undergirds everything so earning
credibility with yourself which is a
whole another thing which I've talked
about many many times before I won't
address it here but you've got to earn
that credibility with yourself all right
you do all of that and you'll be able to
overcome those tough times you don't
have the energy
and since we're topic talking about
energy I will just put one more footnote
here about ATP which is how your cells
actually create energy via mitochondria
you need to eat right you need to
exercise otherwise the energies are not
gonna be there for you and get sleep all
right
Astrid saman doll what's your best
advice for taking big decisions I'm
hesitating between two paths and I'm not
sure I could be both at the same time
you can't be both at the same time and
here's what I encourage you to do flip a
coin do whatever you have to do just
pick go down one path when you start
going down that path not too long
you're gonna know whether you chose the
right path or not then you're gonna have
a thousand times where you're gonna
question yourself and in those moments
you need to remind yourself that
stopping and starting is the death of
any great work so just keep going down
that path so you've got sort of that
initial moment where it's like okay I
went down this path man I'm not really
digging this I'm gonna go over somewhere
else but once you really like you've
gone down a little ways you've really
engaged then it's like yeah I really dig
this then like when it gets hard later
down the line you need to just stick to
it to stick to it to have grit to have
perseverance you just got to do it so in
those moments you need to just remind
yourself that the doubt is inevitable
and that you're just gonna keep pushing
so there it is you essentially just
decide Finland from Facebook what is up
sim land seam I can't believe I did that
I'm so used to seeing your name seam
land what is up dude
Tom exclamation point in all caps
how do you go about cooperating with the
government as to share messages of
empowerment and optimal health in the
education system I have no idea and if
I'm really honest I've avoided this like
the plague even back at Qwest I could
just look into my future and I knew
eventually we're gonna have to start
what do they call that and you go after
the government lobbying this [ __ ] guy
lobbying the government that is
something I just was not eager to do so
sales cycles sales getting them to adopt
ideology however you want to think about
it in the government is so long and it's
no one person and it's so hard to
predict and to understand I am the wrong
man to answer this question that sounds
like a nightmare to me I would do
anything but so like somebody needs to
change the education system but it's not
going to be me because I have no
interest in that all right sad can't
help you somebody else is gonna have to
tackle that problem all right Avery Nair
how do you be aggressively yourself I
struggle as a people-pleaser growing up
doing what's safe doing what makes my
parents happy being the cheerleader in
people's lives how can I be
unapologetically myself well steer still
caring deeply about others okay so
here's how I do it I never use the
aggressively myself as a rebuttal to who
they are okay so it's never like oh you
should do this and then I'm like this is
me and this is how I do it okay so I
don't do that what I do is when I have a
moment to express myself where I'm just
expressing myself I'm not trying to
convince anyone else I'm just going and
doing my thing I go and do my thing and
I'd let people see how much I'm loving
it I let people see how much I enjoy it
and when somebody comes at me and
they're trying to change me it's like
hey I fully respect that right
compassion I totally get where you're
coming from
I hear you period now let me tell you
about the things that excite me I'm not
trying to convince just like here's what
I find exciting here's why so that they
can see why I'm doing they can see what
I'm really into and that I'm all about
it and then I just don't think about
them what they want for me all of that
if it's real and I'm actually excited
about this thing then I just go put my
time and energy into that I go do my
thing and that is my act of being
unapologetically myself that I go do
that
doing that and then this is the only
part that gets a little dicey if people
keep coming at me then I will start
doing what do you actually want for me
and I do it just like this so that
people know that I'm being serious what
do you really want for me do you want me
to be happy do you want fulfillment for
me yes
which everyone is gonna say yes okay
awesome how do you define that and then
ultimately we're gonna get down to they
define it by how I feel about myself
when I'm by myself or my neuro chemistry
or all that just a level of happiness a
level of contentment a level of like
stress-free life awesome I listen to you
I've heard you and I'm telling you the
thing that gives me that is this thing
over here that I want to do and I get it
I don't need you to accept that I'm
fully okay that you're not on board with
that
I get it and the only thing that I will
ask is watch me do it and see if you see
it making me happy I don't do things to
people please even though I have that
same instinct as well
however like whoever out there thinks
that they feel people pleasing the most
strongly the desire to make other people
happy I'm at least at your level if not
a little bit higher but I found that
doing that did not take me where I
wanted to be neurochemically it wasn't
making me live my best life have the
most fulfillment and so purely out of
just looking at the results I was
getting I knew that I couldn't keep
doing that so that is how I go about
being unapologetically myself and
literally it's not apologizing for
yourself that's a big part of it okay
Mary Strother what if you're happy with
your job but you don't like the place
it's in I know I'm not a tree but in my
field opportunity doesn't always come up
and I think by you know you're not a
tree means you're not that you are a
mobile thing which I like that is
actually a reference to a quote that I
used in an episode of impact quotes I
love that quote so much so what would I
really do you like your job but you
don't dig where you're at and the honest
answer for me is I would leave like I'm
so held but like I know what I want to
do with my life it is
so clear to me that I just wouldn't let
anything stop me and that's why I left
Tacoma
I love Tacoma I was not unhappy in
Tacoma at all like people always think I
left or the weather or whatever I didn't
I never think about the weather as a kid
it was oh I knew I'd left because I
wanted to be in a bigger city that had
more opportunity and that was it and so
I was moving towards something and I
think that there are two things that
motivate people moving away from
something so oh I don't want that to
happen I don't want like take longevity
I don't want to die that's moving away
from something I want to live forever
that's moving towards something so
living forever for me is about all the
things that I could do and all that so
I'm moving towards that I'm not moving
away from a fear of death so that here
like the only perspective I can give you
is that if I ever had a sense of like I
can't go as far as I want to go in this
place I would be [ __ ] gone in a
heartbeat I know that that's true
because at the age of 18 that's exactly
what I did and at one point I almost
moved to New York so I thought New York
would be even better than LA so and the
only reason I ended up staying was I
came to believe that that actually
wasn't the case so there you have it all
right Rocky where no way that's a real
name YouTube hey Tom I often struggle
with questioning myself whether my
thoughts are my real thoughts or not do
you have any advice on how to become
better at recognizing the non true
voices in your head yes so this is where
a meditative practice comes in in a way
that like I won't even claim to actually
understand what's happening I will
merely describe what it feels like so
because the subconscious mind is able to
process data faster and faster than the
conscious mind my goal is always to be
able to hear my subconscious now the
subconscious usually speaks in emotion
and the only way that that emotion can
get accurately translated into the
conscious mind where you can really
understand it is if you can create a
calm and creative space where no stress
no anxiety is influencing what you're
thinking about or even more terrifyingly
how you're interpreting what you're
thinking about because an anxious mind
will interpret things negatively or see
the danger instead of the opportunity
whereas a common creative mind will see
the opportunity instead of the danger so
learning to meditate learning to get
into the sympathy of the parasympathetic
nervous system into that alpha wave
state calm and creative to really be
able to accurately feel sense here what
the here in air quotes what the
subconscious is offering up to you so
that you can interpret it by the in the
conscious mind and I find that like I
just get like the most interesting ideas
the solutions to big problems by doing
that so that is the only way that I know
to really create that space to hear the
truest voice that's going to lead me to
fulfilment so I wish there was something
more brute force II that I could offer
you only because I know that just like
me for a long time I struggled with the
nature of meditation it seems so passive
don't take this wrong way but it seemed
feminine and I naturally have such a
powerful feminine side trust me when I
say that was not the thing I needed to
develop in my life so I struggled with
that which is really asinine and super
stupid but nonetheless was where I was
at so I get why people may struggle with
that but yeah meditation is the answer
Damian bourgeois that's just a fun word
to say hello from France what is up
France what do you think about
subliminal affirmations do you use them
to empower your mind set at a subliminal
level I don't only because I don't have
experience in it it could be amazing and
I would man if I were really stuck I
would definitely try like hip hypnosis
we're listening to stuff at night like I
would try it all I've got no beef with
anything I've just never used it so I
can't speak to it I found that the
conscious mind repetition in the things
that I can actually think out loud the
things that I can tell other people has
been so insanely powerful for me that I
haven't had to go to subliminal but man
I am NOT opposed in any way shape or
form in fact what do you think if you've
used it and it's been powerful I'd love
to hear about it
Jacob McCrae YouTube Tom if you had to
give one piece of advice to someone who
aspires to be on your show one day what
would it be
get extraordinary that's it
get so good that your results speak for
themselves
and let me beat that drum to death
that's the answer
Eric Lanoue Tom what's your favorite
Steven Seagal movie I love that you're
asking me that question above the law
all the way I'm gonna have to go with
hard to kill so hard to kill like that
whole thing where they kill the whole
family and then the person's got to come
back and build themselves up from
nothing is my fetish revenge tales are
my fetish I don't know why am I absolute
like you want to know my guilty pleasure
revenge tales so yeah hard to kill
that's the one but I will say the scene
in the grocery store and above the law
where he gets on his knees and he's like
come on come on oh god it's so good
it's so good all right last question
Edgar's Jule men's this is from Facebook
hey Tom greetings from Latvia what is up
Latvia what is your advice on ways to
control your emotions and start to
become more confident because at because
at work some say I do a good job and
still I still won't believe them thanks
well sorry I'm a my reading of that
question was brutal so ways to control
emotions first of all it starts with
using that the negative emotion as a
habit loop trigger to an empowering
belief now sometimes to do that what you
have to do is get into the physiological
hooks that we were talking about earlier
so if something like triggers me and I
get aggressive or I get anxious
diaphragm breathing is gonna be the
thing that helps me recenter myself
that's a big thing and then just
remembering this sort of very logical
side of my mind rien gauging the
prefrontal cortex to not lash out
emotionally to use my higher-level
cognition and to think literally think
in a very logical way the phrase you
know that reacting on that emotion isn't
gonna move me towards my goal what is my
goal in this scenario and really just
thinking my way through and getting the
blood flowing back to my frontal lobe
getting it into the executive functions
of my brain that's really important so
those are the ways that I do that to
make sure that I'm controlling my
emotions
now the part about being more confident
is really about earning credibility with
yourself and you've gotta so if you're
doing the things to earn credibility
you're setting goals you're meeting
those goals and then you're still not
believing in yourself then you've got to
rely on the belief that you only do and
believe that what moves you towards your
goals and if being super insecure about
yourself is not moving you towards your
goals then don't do it
and if being confident and you've got
reasons for that confidence through
earning credibility with yourself by
setting a goal and actually meeting it
and doing what you said you were gonna
do and being you know getting the skill
set and actually showing results and all
that then you've literally just got to
let go of that negativity about yourself
because it doesn't make sense to hold on
to it so I only allow myself the level
of insecurity that gets me to go out and
do the things I need to do to be
extraordinary that's it and once I'm
spilling beyond that I literally just
stop myself it is a negative thought in
my head that does not serve me using
cognitive behavioral therapy techniques
of negative thoughts stop that doesn't
make sense to believe that what's the
habit loop trigger here I mean to go
into something positive I'm gonna
remember that I can adapt and grow at
any time okay cool so I can set my mind
to this and get better at it and let's
just look at real results what does the
data say does the data say that I suck
at this and if it does great I'm going
to allocate the time and energy that I
wanted this to actually get better and
if the data sucks that I'm crushing it
then I need to just set this aside
period end of story all right guys that
brings us to the end thank you so much
for joining me as always your questions
mean the absolute world to me
today happens to be May the fourth you
know my obsession with Star Wars so may
the fourth be with you I love that this
has become a cultural things absolutely
amazing and only goes to show how much
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[Music]
[Applause]