Kind: captions
Language: en
this is an AMA my name is Tom bill you
I'm answering all your questions and
we're gonna dive right in to the first
one which is from div yaar sri tom body
this is from the connecting box hi tom
i'm a student and do pretty good in
class but i lack self-confidence
whenever i have to solve a question
however it
however easy it may be the first thing
that pops in my mind is that i won't be
able to solve it and with every step i
do i feel like I'm doing something wrong
although usually it's almost always
right what are some ways that I can stop
giving this negative feedback to myself
okay so first of all you've got to train
yourself to use the negative thoughts
that you have as a habit loop trigger of
something positive that's the first step
to all of this so I don't think anybody
is going to be able to get rid of the
negative voice and even if you could I
actually don't think you would want to I
think the reality is you want to use
that as your jujitsu flip to get over to
the positive way of thinking to get into
that positive habit loop to remind
yourself that even if you're not good at
it yet you can get good at it that
you're going to learn by whatever you're
doing the second thing is and this is if
you guys don't know ed my let go check
him out we just filmed our impact Theory
episode with him so it'll come out in a
few weeks but whoa I was really blown
away by this guy in the way that he
thinks about self confidence a it's
incredibly important to build said self
confidence and be the way that you go
about it as he describes it I think is
super super powerful and that is you've
really got to earn credibility with
yourself this is something you guys have
heard me talk a lot about before I'm
wildly obsessed with this notion and EDM
I let really I think gives some pretty
incredible examples of ways you're gonna
do that so somebody that doesn't have
confidence is because they don't trust
themselves this is mean literally
quoting at my let right now and what you
have to do is build that trust and the
way that you're gonna build that trust
is by making a promise to yourself and
then keeping it and so this is where ed
and I are way of looking at this
completely overlap so my whole thing is
you want to go out and do something that
is really simple that you know that
you're going to deliver on so for me
that's always been the gym technically
have one before
which is getting out of bed in ten
minutes or less which by the way full
confession time I missed today by like
20 seconds because I got totally lost on
top but it doesn't matter so I lost a
little bit of credibility with myself
today so and part of the reason that I
say that out loud is so that when I do
it and I do it every day that I know
that I'm being held accountable and that
I get to feel good about it when I win
and that is the other part so making
sure that you celebrate that so when I
get out of bed in ten minutes when I go
to the gym immediately and work out then
I celebrate that and in celebrating that
and acknowledging it and fully saying
like you said you were gonna do it and
you did it I'm building that credibility
with myself so that when the next time
that negative voice comes and I want to
flip it into something positive and to
remind myself of the times that I
actually did it that I'm gonna believe
me I'm gonna have that credibility with
myself because I can think very
concretely of a number of times where I
said I was gonna do it and I actually
did it and so that is really the key so
for me it's that two-fold process one
understand that your mind is going to
throw something negative your way
regardless of whether it should or not
that seems to be just the way that the
mind works and then second you need to
earn that credibility with yourself now
you can always earn credibility you can
start today so whether your entire life
leading up to this moment you have just
failed yourself over and over and over
you said you were gonna do something and
you didn't do it you can start to day
and the thing that really drives that
belief in yourself is gonna be or I
should say that drives you actually
following through one the size of the
promise that you make to yourself so
make it something that can be
immediately realized getting out of bed
in ten minutes or less literally takes
ten minutes or less second thing is
going to the gym again there's something
that I'm gonna do right now today it's
not contingent on some grand performance
in the gym it's just step one go to the
gym so start doing that start earning
some credibility with yourself when you
get that momentum then you can make
bigger and bigger promises and then in a
moment like this we're taking a test or
you're doing something in class and that
voice props up you're gonna be able to
build that self-confidence so even if
you were starting an absolute rock
bottom no belief in yourself in fact I
consider titling this episode building
confidence when starting from self
self-hatred which is
a lot of people start you can do that
because right now you get to wipe the
slate clean and build from scratch you
can literally start building it totally
anew so get after it all right Daniel
breeze
what is up Daniel breeze eternally
engaged in the feed always grateful for
you man YouTube what do you recommend
for a person who isn't fulfilled in
their position to make sure they don't
get caught in a loop of negativity while
searching for something else so to me
this all comes down to what you're
rewarding yourself for what you value in
your life so I value action so if I knew
that I had gotten myself into a bad
situation and I have something in my if
I knew that I'd gotten myself into a bad
situation and rather than sit there and
beat myself up over it I would say okay
you're in a bad situation you got
yourself here
nobody even blamed you and now instead
of beating myself up over the fact that
I got myself into this situation I am
simply going to say only action matters
and so now I'm just gonna start taking
action to make sure that I'm fixing that
whoa and I find because I so value
action and by the way I value it because
I know where it leads it leads to my
desired outcome it leads to learning
worst case so taking that action driving
myself forward pushing myself that is
what I'm going to reward myself
emotionally for so immediately I get
this sense of relief from anxiety from
stress from worry because first I'm I'm
acknowledging how important that is in
my life because it yields rewards and
then second you're really gonna get
engrossed in it and you're going to just
be lost in the details of actually
trying to solve that problem by
leveraging your action to get the
desired outcome so those two things I
think will serve you very very well as
you go down that process so just make
sure that you really have that emotional
buy-in to the importance of action Ammar
saw me this is from YouTube
when does confidence become harmful how
do you detect overconfidence that might
stop you from striving to get better
every day okay so I I don't think that
confidence is ever dangerous what I
think is dangerous is a way of
approaching the world if you value
yourself for being a master if your
confidence comes from I know this stuff
then
you're gonna be in trouble because I
think that the reality is that being a
master feeling like you're an expert
that stuff is a trap and you need to
keep your beliefs nimble so the more you
learn the more you need to be checking
yourself to make sure that that stuff
isn't calcifying into Dogma meaning that
it becomes like I do it this way and
that's the way I do it that's the way
I've always done it that's what my
success is based on so I'm gonna keep
doing it that becomes incredibly
dangerous
especially now in a world that changes
it evolves so quickly what worked
yesterday may not keep working tomorrow
so you've got to constantly be willing
to check your assumptions and I think
the easiest way to check your
assumptions is to write them down
writing them down is going to force you
to have clarity on what your assumptions
are so that's really really important
and I'm going through this right now in
building the studio I have a belief
system about the way that things work I
have a belief system about the way the
marketing works and I'm constantly
trying to check that and so I found that
there were some beliefs that were so
embedded in me I didn't even realize
anymore that they were beliefs and so
there's that whole concept of David
Foster Wallace the guy that wrote the
speech this is water look it up on
YouTube right now in fact I don't even
mind if you bail out of this right now
to go watch it it's that important to
get this concept burned into your psyche
the fish is the last one to become aware
of the water it is so ubiquitous that
they don't even realize it's a thing
that's what happens with your beliefs
you begin to believe them and
internalize them so much do you forget
at one point that that was something
that you learned or discovered or chose
to believe and so at some point that now
may be holding you back
so I find writing them down so that I'm
aware of what my assumptions are I'm
aware of what my beliefs are then I can
go in and say and this is straight from
Tim Ferriss if you haven't watched the
episode of impact Theory would temper it
out he talks about what if you did the
opposite what if he did the opposite for
24 or 48 hours it's very easy to
overcome that and back out of it if it
doesn't work but for 24 or 48 hours just
try it what if you had the opposite
belief what if you approach things in
the opposite manner would you get a
better result and doing that and
checking your beliefs and assumptions
against that can be incredibly power
it would certainly open up new vistas
new possible avenues I highly highly
recommend that
Daniel bro Daniel bro from Facebook
hello Tom I am doing a talk next
Thursday to a lot more people than I've
ever done this brings a lot of anxiety
how would you build self-confidence with
this and how do you like to prepare for
your talks okay so first and foremost I
cannot get up and give a talk about
something that I don't understand if I
don't know it like down pat I'm gonna be
just anxiety through the roof so that's
first and foremost to me I stay in my
lane when it comes to the speaking
engagements I make sure that I'm only
talking about things that I really
understand that I feel that I have a
power powerful perspective on that's
huge
second of all doing some simple
visualization is really powerful so
sitting down doing a meditative
breathing and walking yourself through
the event imagining it going well it
doesn't seem like it should work but
it's incredibly powerful and it actually
does seem like it should work because I
know this about the brain the brain
cannot distinguish between vividly
imagining something and actually doing
it so when you sit down and vividly
imagine it imagine it feel it hear it
see the people out in front of you when
you do that over and over and over and
you just imagine it going well over and
over and over it's something that can
really really be powerful now personally
I find that using imagery is more
difficult than using words so as I do
that I'm actually narrating it in my
head and I'm thinking through it as like
if you were reading it in a book that's
just more powerful for me but whichever
one works for you but walking through
that process in that meditative state I
think is really really useful and then
the third thing and these are some you
know really tried and true things if you
can get there early get on the stage
walk the stage when nobody's there get a
sense of familiarity about it all of
that stuff is really really powerful so
don't be afraid of that and then also
don't worry about looking cool just
really try to impart amazing information
to people and if you focus on that like
I just want people to get the gist and
it's okay if I flub my words it's okay
if I get lost enough to remind myself
it's okay if I have to write something
on my hand like whatever you need to do
to get through the speech don't worry
about that the only thing that matters
is are you able to help somebody in the
audience that
like if you go in with that in mind like
hey I know something that might be
useful to some percentage of the
audience it's never gonna be all of them
so don't worry about that but just come
from a place if I really want to deliver
this message and I really want to make
it great and I really want to help
people and none of that has anything to
do with whether I'm perfect in my
delivery it just has to do with intent
and it has to do with the willingness to
get up there and share so you do all
those things and I think that you're
gonna crush it my friend so get after it
luna locket youtube you've mentioned in
the past that you do not use the
five-second rule which Mel Robbins spoke
up during your interview with her is
this because you use something else
which you think is more effective I
don't know that I would say what I do is
more effective and I've often wondered
if I should be employing the
five-four-three-two-one I just found
that it hasn't been necessary for me at
this point so maybe if I had found that
a couple years ago it could have been
incredibly powerful but I've had to
develop techniques that maybe are
entirely clumsy like even as I'm
thinking like how to explain to people
what I do I downshift I don't know how
else to explain it and so that would be
terrible advice and so I'm glad that
people have Mel Robbins thing which is
very easy to replicate but when I find
like if I'm getting anxious and I don't
really struggle with impact I'll just
say it emphatically I don't struggle
with moving forward I may move forward
too aggressively at times but so that
isn't I don't struggle with that same
thing at least I haven't for a very long
time so for me it's more about dealing
with my anxiety and so I think of it as
literally like a level that I can always
press down and I think of it as pressing
it down lower in my body or down
shifting those are the things that I do
so if I feel the anxiety rising I
literally try to breathe from my
diaphragm push that anxiety down in a
way I'll even think about smiling or
laughing I'll think about how ridiculous
the anxiety is all of that stuff and
then I also the this is the big one for
me I think of it as practice and so as
I'm going in and having that moment of
anxiety I'm like hey awesome this is my
chance to get to practice de-escalating
this and then I go into my you know
visual
metaphors about pushing it down down
shifting there you have it alright I'm
gonna ask the obvious question are we
live on Facebook
since all questions so far have been
YouTube's mind just making sure all
right
sunayana UK YouTube again what is the
first step to changing the story we tell
ourselves do you believe that drives
have we evolved the problems we face so
the story that you tell yourself about
yourself is arguably the single most
important thing you're ever gonna craft
because it's gonna determine how you
view yourself is gonna determine what
you believe you're capable of that stuff
is just hugely important I cannot
overstate that one
enough start telling yourself a story of
empowerment about yourself earn that
credibility with yourself do something
that is worthy of self worth all of that
like doing that stuff like you've got to
put in the work but then you've got to
be crafting that story about you being
the type of person that's willing to try
those things to do that to craft the
story to think about earning self-worth
by doing things that are worthy of it
all of that stuff that becomes a story
that you tell yourself it's not about
I've done extraordinary things man
oh man if I had waited till I'd actually
done something cool to say that I was
capable of doing something cool I really
would have been in trouble so what I
began to value myself for was
identifying the right answer so I don't
need to be right I just need to be
willing to be humble to approach every
opportunity is an opportunity to learn
to always be willing to sit at
somebody's feet and learn what they know
and to identify the right answer even
when it didn't come to me that was a
huge shift and was all about the story
that I was telling myself and I stopped
telling myself I was smart and I started
telling myself that I was a learner that
I was willing to put in that time and
that energy to learn and that changed
everything in my life so I would really
really focus on that and then yes the
way the whatever the story is you tell
yourself and the way that you view the
world will determine how you see
problems so if you view the world as
like it's a hostile universe to use
Einstein's whole notion if you believe
it's a hostile universe things are
working against you things really
difficult life's a [ __ ]
I gotta forget the old saying life's a
[ __ ] sandwich and everyday is just
another bite like people actually used
to say that when I was growing
which I still can't believe people allow
themselves to utter such horrific words
to reinforce something that asinine in
your head it's just it's literally
emotional suicide so yes you need to
think in optimistic terms you need to
believe that things are possible because
then you'll actually put in the energy
to find that solution max
Vibeke off Facebook after my pressure as
a current college student I'm wondering
what's your perspective when it comes to
the famous saying don't let school
interfere with your education this past
year I began to feel as though my
personal endeavors were more important
than the courses I was taking okay so
here's my punchline in life get
extraordinary at something so judging by
the words you used and I don't know
what's behind them so I could be totally
wrong but judging by the words you use
your personal endeavors probably aren't
about becoming extraordinary so I'd be
very careful was saying I'm bored at
school and I would rather do the things
in my personal life which just tells me
that you're studying the wrong thing and
that there is something that lights you
on fire and let's see if I can capture
this yesterday I was talking with one of
the interns here and it was arguably the
most enlightening conversation of my
life I know he's listening right now and
it I'm in fact I'm grateful to you you
know exactly who you are and what he was
making clear to me is this sense of like
being lost of not knowing exactly what
it is that you want to do of
experiencing things always in this like
really regimented place and because of
like because he was telling me look I've
I've done what you tell people to do
which is I've explored a lot of
different stuff and as he was saying it
I was like yes but you've explored it
all in this insanely rigid environment
in a way that like even if it was
something you liked it's possible that
you wouldn't recognize the joy in it
because of all the structure around it
and so that brought me back to Kevin
Kelly's notion of don't prematurely
optimize of finding something through
play finding something that just like by
going in encounter
bring it in in a loose unstructured way
that you realize that there's really
juice in it for you and it made me think
back to like how did I discover the
things that I really loved and the
things that I discovered that I really
loved were all things that I discovered
through playing I found movies when I
was very young and just loved them
because I liked watching movies and then
my dad brought a camcorder home one day
from work and playing with that was so
much fun and then literally making a
stop-motion video with an ice cube to
the song Ice Ice Baby was just fun and
so figuring all that stuff out was just
fun I wasn't doing it because I was
gonna get you know a grade in school or
because it was a project I was doing it
because it sounded fun and so in playing
with that and then reading comics and
just enjoying comics and finding that I
love being around the artwork like all
of this stuff was just play and I think
that that's something that as we get
helicopter parents who are hovering and
really wanting their kids to like be the
best of the best and go to the best
schools and then school is so expensive
so people are taking you so seriously
like all the sudden stuff spirals out of
control and you have people making
decisions about what they want to do
with the rest of their life when they're
a teenager which is absolutely
terrifying and so play go out and play
so if your personal stuff isn't
necessarily more important but it's fun
and you want to explore it go explore it
and then find that thing that really
piques your interest and then go down
the path of seeing if in gaining of
mastery it turns into a passion then you
can really commit to yourself and begin
that optimization process but first
you've got to really go figure out what
gives you more energy than it takes
that's the key
tre Matt hi Tom they say that there is a
fine line between arrogance and
confidence how would you balance your
confidence so you won't look arrogant I
think that there is a gigantic gigantic
chasm between arrogance and confidence I
have been arrogant in my life there's no
question and I have a deep-seated
confidence and they come from very
different places and it looks like this
my confidence comes from knowing that
when I say I'm gonna do something I do
it that I'm willing to learn and put in
the work that I can figure something out
okay that's where my confidence comes
from my arrogance
is often borne out of thinking that
makes me cool that's where the trouble
begins when you think that thing that
you're good at makes you better than
someone else
that becomes arrogance when you think
people should stop and sit at your feet
because you know so damn much and you're
a master that's arrogance when on the
other hand you're confident and you want
to serve and you want to help and you
want to build in fact forget all the
really cool beautiful mother Teresa [ __ ]
for a second you just want to [ __ ]
build something that is amazing because
you've got the power to build it that is
awesome and the confidence to march
forth and build that thing is
intoxicating it's powerful but because
you want to build something you actually
want it to do what it's meant to do
suddenly there is no arrogance because
you just want to know what's really
gonna build this thing what's actually
gonna make it work and that's where we
come back to the mother Teresa stuff
which is you're building this thing not
just because it's a cool expression of
what you're capable of you're building
it because you want to do something that
helps other people and the act of
building itself is insanely pleasurable
when you focus on those two things there
is no room for arrogance because you're
thinking about the people that you want
to help and therefore the thing that
you're building actually has to work so
being an expression of you being badass
or being an expression of you being cool
none of that matters what matters is you
actually want the thing you're building
to work so I have the confidence to move
forward and to build the thing but all
the times the arrogance slips into my
life is because I'm thinking about how
cool that makes me instead of thinking
about what I'm actually trying to
accomplish so focus on the things you
actually want to accomplish at that
point I think that you will see it is
night and day difference between
confidence and arrogance a beer is Molly
a Louie I think I did that pretty well
hi Tom in the process of building
self-confidence does the fake it till
you make it help to overcome the
imposter syndrome I really need to stop
and think about the fake it till you
make it think because the people that I
and I'll speak only for myself
in the beginning I had to fake it till
you make it because I didn't understand
the notion of building confidence in
myself and here's the punchline it
worked and even though I felt really
icky and you're always like unsure and
you don't want to be called out and
called the task I had to begin walking
down that path because I needed
something that would allow me to take
the step and so finally I was just like
fine I'm gonna fake it I'm gonna pretend
that I know what I'm doing and that
allowed me to take that first step
because in my heart I knew I was just
pretending so if I fail it's okay but at
least in pretending I was willing to
move forward and I've heard people
talking about this with doing public
speaking in fact I'll give you an
example our girl Beyonce the Queen Bey
has a alternate ego named Sasha Fierce
which you guys may remember and I
remember thinking this was really cool
because when I first started speaking
that was a big thing for me to pretend
that I was somebody else that I was
confident and all of that and literally
in pretending to be confident I actually
felt confident and so it let me get on
stage and it let me overcome anxiety and
so it was really powerful even though if
I were doing it now
I would never fake it all I would do is
adopt the identity of the learner and I
would go and I would sit at people's
feet and I would learn and drink of
their knowledge because I've earned so
much credibility with myself that I'm
willing to learn that I'll put my ego
aside I won't even think about myself
and I'll just learn learn learn and that
is so much more powerful than fake it
till you make it but yet I leaned on
fake it till you make it when I was
younger so I think over here you have
something that's really uncomfortable
it's a sub optimal way to do it but it
served a lot of people before you and it
may serve you but if I may offer this
which is far more powerful which is to
identify as the learner put in the work
figure it out and just know it doesn't
matter if you're cool it doesn't matter
if you get up on stage and fumble your
way through it over time you can get
better and because you can get better
over time you will show through
performance that you've gotten great and
it won't matter that you sucked in the
beginning that's just the truth
Brandon's son from Facebook what's up
Tom where are some ground zero
strategies for pee
just starting out in building their
career becoming locally known and
building a stable base to afford taking
risks okay so I'm gonna answer the
question you didn't actually ask but is
what I think all people at the beginning
of their careers should do it's what I
wish somebody had told me and I thusly
would have probably ignored it but it's
really great advice and I hope you don't
ignore it and it goes like this who's
living the life you want to live find
that person and offer to work for them
for free as an intern for 90 days tell
them that you're gonna work harder and
smarter than anyone they've ever met and
then deliver on that promise and do not
in any way shape or form be unwilling to
do anything if you come on as a
marketing intern let's say and somebody
in fact you see that the trash is
overflowing take the trash up when you
do that when you act like every problem
is yours to help solve you will become
so invaluable that attitude alone
Trump's kills every day of the week I
cannot tell you how much I love being
around people that just they they're
just hungry
to learn and perform and to do whatever
it takes to be a part of the team it's
so powerful and it is so rare that
people do it most people go into every
exchange tit-for-tat
that's not my job I'm not paid for that
and because they think like that they
get held back I used to work like 90
hours a week when I was an employee and
I did it because it was important to me
because I wanted to get ahead I wanted
to get people's attention I wanted
people to always turn to me I wanted to
always be the person that people went to
even though it was exhausting and
because of that I always worked my way
up and in that king of remedial Jobs
phase by the end of that phase I
realized about myself you can put me in
at the lowest level in any company and I
will work my way up to the top period so
when I finally got that offer where
somebody said hey this is a startup man
like you can have any role you want I
was like I was I I would have thought at
the time I was made for this but I will
give you different words to use now I
have built myself for this I have built
myself to respond to this very moment
and that was the thing that ended up
changing my life but I had to figure
that out on my own I had to learn to be
that hardcore I had to learn to no
matter what it was I was willing to do
it and if you do that and if you're
willing to work for free and you perform
and you bury people with the amount of
effort and positivity that you bring to
the group and your willingness to help
people you will be shocked at what
amazing people will let you into their
inner circle there yeah prathamesh bad a
car hey Tom what would you do when you
think that the approach path you were
going to follow to achieve a certain
goal might not work how do you become
confident in the efforts you put well
here's the thing if I think that the
path isn't going to work then I'm more
than happy to abandon the path and try
something else so never be afraid to
ditch a path the only nuance in this
advanced class time is that if you find
that you're constantly abandoning a path
chances are you just don't have grit
chances are when you hit that first like
hmm I'm not sure I can pull this off and
you abandoning course then that's just
insecurities getting the best of you
that's a life philosophy that's letting
you down so for instance every time and
this happens all the time
every time I think Oh the path that
we're on on impact theory it's not gonna
work then I checked myself okay is that
insecurity or is that like do I really
have something before me data that would
tell me that this actually isn't going
to work and then you have to process
through that so for instance there are
things like if we try to just sell in
retail our comic books it's not going to
work so I'll just tell you that right
now so when I hit that on my path I was
like oh there literally I've now had so
many people consult for me and the one
consistent message is that there's no
money to be made in just a pure retail
play okay well I'm gonna take that
seriously looking at the economics of it
I concur if so all right if we know that
that's the case then doing the
traditional thing to do that that is not
a wise idea so what can we do that's
different that's going to allow us to
broaden our market to thrive in retail
and elsewhere and so that was me instead
of hitting that roadblock and saying ooh
this isn't gonna work
I'm gonna quit it was hitting that
roadblock acknowledging it and saying no
[ __ ] what would it take
so no [ __ ] what does it take to get
on the other side of that what does the
strategy look like and so then you
figured that out now in all of that like
when I hit that oh god am I ever gonna
be able to figure this out you have that
moment of panic you just got to believe
in yourself that you can learn that's
the only thing I need you to believe in
okay you don't need to believe that
you're currently capable of solving that
problem you simply need to believe that
you're willing to put in the work to
learn so that's how I deal with it
Maddy Bilu that's how people
mispronounce my name how do you handle
people who set themselves as your
yardstick without getting mad let me
read that again how do you handle people
who set themselves as your yardstick
without getting mad okay so I think I
understand that they state what you can
do based on what they are able to do
should have just kept reading and most
of the time it's always below what they
can do okay so this happened to me a lot
in an unending fashion that you can't
imagine and I saw it break pretty much
everybody else that encountered it you
know being told you're an idiot you're
stupid only a fool would do that that
kind of stuff over and over and over so
there's one of two reactions there's
either getting mad letting it break you
realizing I need to get away from this
or going well I came to get toughen up
that was really awkward I came to get
toughened up and how ironic that I
should be wearing the toughen the [ __ ]
up Buttercup shirt right now which by
the way go to shop that impact Theory
com get yours self signal your way to
personal development so that was
literally where this came from that was
my reaction I was just gonna toughen up
and there was just no two ways about it
so if somebody is way ahead of you and
they're using themselves as a yardstick
to you [ __ ] live up to it push
yourself grow become that person the
only path to success is the scent of our
ridiculously high and surpassed all
expectations that's it
now you need to also have in the back of
your mind even if you go all out every
day it's going to take time so you need
to have that internal fortitude to know
that you're going to stay the course
that you're going to keep pushing that
you're gonna learn and grow and maybe
you can't be at their level today but
you will one day bury them
I just gave myself the chills you will
one day bury them with results that is
my mantra in life there is no greater
revenge than unmitigated success and
that my friends is what I wish for each
and every one of you that you should
taste the victory of knowing that you
came from behind worked your ass off to
improve grow and get better always
willing to hold yourself to a higher
standard always willing to push your
skillset to the limit always willing to
do that extra rep to get better and you
won so my thing is I have the full-body
chills right now my thing is I never
look at myself through the lens of a
moment I always look at myself through
the lens of a lifetime through the lens
of a moment yes somebody maybe better
than me yes they may be grossly
disappointed in me I may be failing
through the lens of a moment but over
the course of a lifetime no one no one
can beat me because I won't stop and
when you've earned that credibility with
yourself when you say I say that on
camera all the time do you know the
amount of pressure that puts on me to
make sure that I don't stop and secretly
that's what I want that's why I do it
and that's what I want for you guys to
believe in yourself to small incremental
steps day-by-day to do those things that
were hard and to still do them and to
keep pushing yourself and to know that
about yourself that you won't break you
won't give in you'll keep pushing you'll
grow and get better that you're not
saying that you're the best right now
today you just know that you're gonna
keep going when I look back on my life
over a week period I'm not impressed
when I look back over my life in
ten-year chunks I am literally blown
away by what the human animal is capable
of all right Sebastian YouTube hi Tom I
always wanted to be successful but
suddenly I am 28 years old and feel like
a giant loser having accomplished
nothing and not knowing what my talents
truly are what should I do
alright man I want you to lean in and
listen to this and everybody that's in
this situation so first of all this is
like the most predictable thing ever
they call it the quarter life crisis
so people go through this you were not
alone this is very familiar territory at
that point in my life I was just
starting to build towards hating my life
it was probably for me the real moment
of crisis came in my early 30s but I was
in that same situation where I was just
like what what have I done with my life
like this is crazy I hate my life the
key here is find something you love
judge yourself not by external metrics
of traditional success judge yourself by
internal metrics of do I love what I do
am i pursuing something that matters to
me and it's the answer to those
questions is no man that's awesome at
least now we know and now you're gonna
make change and making change in your
life you've got to have real clarity
about what you're gonna let Drive you
because I'm gonna reach in your soul
right now and I'm gonna save the thing
that's driving you is comparison now
when I compare myself to people who are
farther ahead than me they're making
more money than me I still get that
sting of like I'm a loser
now then I remind myself that what
really matters is 2017 was the best year
of my life 2018 is off to an incredible
start I love what I do I've never been
more excited by what I spend my days
doing I love this team with a passion
that I can't quite convey I believe in
the mission of this company and when I
remind myself of that then I'm like why
exactly was I comparing myself to
somebody else that doesn't actually make
sense like if I want to go do what
they're doing then I should go do what
they're doing but I shouldn't base my
happiness or whether or not I think I'm
succeeding based on apples to oranges so
you need to decide what's important to
you and I highly encourage you to base
that on fulfilment and if you feel
unfulfilled you need to change you need
to pick in a new direction you need to
go towards that that is insanely
important that I can't recommend highly
enough to spend the time to really
figure that out and go down that path
but that is
unique to you it's gonna be different to
you and so find that thing that gives
you more energy than it takes find that
mission in your life that you believe in
that you'll really give yourself over to
find something that you would die for
and live for it and then don't make any
other external comparisons so that is I
think that's why I'm guessing you are
really struggling so when I see that
word successful even though it is a
regular part of my own lexicon I know
that there's so much danger in that word
because it all comes down to how you
define it hopefully that helps Andrew
Kirby do you think it is more important
to see the world how it really is or
twist your reality to align it with your
goals okay hear me when I say you are
incapable of seeing the world the way
that it really is okay now once you know
that and the reason you're incapable of
seeing it the way that it really is is
because of your brain so for instance
the poultry part of the light spectrum
that you can actually see which you
consider to be all of the light spectrum
is really I mean it's like the light
spectrum is this and we see like some
ridiculously miniscule section of it
that's everything that's the your
emotional spectrum that is your
perspective on what's possible and not
like you're always seeing some narrow
little band of it because of that I
highly encourage people to decide if if
you know you can only see and experience
some small tiny piece of what is
actually real then pick the small tiny
piece that's going to empower you and
move you for it that doesn't mean that
you completely [ __ ] yourself you
need to earn credibility with yourself
that's incredibly important if to
believe yourself when you tell yourself
something but far better to say things
are possible I can learn I can do
anything I set my mind to as long as it
doesn't violate the laws of physics like
doing that believing in those things
which by the way actually are true and
even if there's some outer limit you
can't get as far as you wanted and your
lack of natural ability in some area
stops you when I say that you can still
get into the top 1% of everything you've
ever wanted to do without natural
ability just by out working people that
is the gospel truth so get after it
that's my punchline all right guys
we're gonna have to wrap it up here
thank you guys so much for joining me on
this episode of AMA I'm always
interested in your questions you can
submit them offline to connect at impact
eerie calm reminder that today's episode
is brought to you by toughen the [ __ ] up
buttercup you can go to shop that impact
eerie calm right now and get yours thank
you guys so much for joining me if you
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legendary
take care
[Music]