Kind: captions
Language: en
if anyone out there is dealing with and
insecurity that they want help you know
growing through the first step is
getting rid of the shame that surrounds
it because the shame is what traps that
insecurity and the thing about shame is
that shame can only live in secrecy
the second you speak something out loud
it doesn't have power over you
our goal with this showing company is to
introduce you to the people and ideas
that will help you actually execute on
your dreams all right today's guest is
the youngest business author ever signed
to penguin Random House in their 80 year
history
he was also widely touted as the
youngest VC when he began working for
Alsop Louie at the age of 19 not bad for
a college dropout who instead of
graduating studied how to hack the
prices right and use the prize money to
fund his dream project a book called the
third door that would end up gaining him
nationwide attention he is a
self-proclaimed missionary who has
poured himself into the wild quest to
uncover how the world's most successful
people launch their careers he convinced
an unimaginable group of the world's
most extraordinary thinkers to
participate in this book all by the way
from absolutely scratch from Bill Gates
and Steven Spielberg to Maya Angelou and
Lady gaga he got them all to agree to
contribute their wisdom and the stories
of the grit and tenacity that it took to
track these impossible to reach people
down believe your jaw on the floor he's
contributed to the Washington Post
entrepreneur Fast Company and many other
prestigious publications as well as
being named to business insiders 30
under 30 list and being featured
virtually by every major media outlet
there is his enthusiasm and collected
insights have also turned him into one
of the most sought-after speakers around
and he's already presented to Dell MTV
IBM Harvard and many others nike said
that his ideas pushed their team's
leadership and Apple said that he
represents the voice of entrepreneurship
so please help me in welcoming the man
who chase Larry King through a grocery
store and
blacklisted by Warren Buffett Alex
benaiah and the kindness intro man I
appreciate dude easy to do what you did
to write this book is insanity and it's
so instructive and so I don't normally
start at the beginning
but with this we're gonna have to what
is the third door mentality so after
going on this seven-year journey I
realized on the surface you know Bill
Gates and Maya Angelou couldn't be more
different at their core they treat like
the exact same way and the analogy that
came to me because I was 21 at the time
was that it's sort of like getting into
a nightclub so there's always three ways
in there's the first door the main
entrance where the line curves are on
the block where 99% of people wait
around hoping to get in and then there's
the second or the VIP entrance or the
billionaires and the celebrities go
through and for some reason school and
society have this way of making you feel
like there's only two ways that you're
they're born into it or you wait your
turn but what I've learned is that
there's always always the third door and
at the entrance we have to jump out of
line run down the alley banged on the
door hundred times crack over the window
go through the kitchen there's always a
way in and it doesn't matter if that's
how gates all his first piece of
software or how steel were became the
youngest director in Hollywood history
they all took the third door yeah when I
heard that analogy whoa okay that
actually really makes a lot of sense now
for me that is quite possibly the most
terrifying thing like going up to people
and doing some of the stuff like chasing
Larry King down through the grocery
store and into the parking lot screaming
his name like whoa I like to think I'm
pretty hardcore I don't know if I would
have had the gumption to do that so you
talk about the difference between
fearlessness and courage what is that
and how did you employ it you know one
of the biggest and most surprising
lessons I learned on this journey was
that I just had this assumption that all
these people I looked up to were
fearless you know a long mosque or Bill
Gates we just assumed they'd you know
have no fear and it's how they achieve
what they've done but what I've learned
is that not a single
one of them were fearless they actually
were filled with tremendous amount of
fear so while they weren't fearless they
did have tremendous amounts of courage
in the difference between fearlessness
and courage is that fearlessness is
jumping off of the cliff without
thinking courage is acknowledging your
fear analyzing the consequences and
deciding you still care so much about it
you're gonna take one step forward
anyway mm-hmm what what was it that was
driving you in all of this you know when
I first started it to understand like
why I was going through this crisis in
the beginning that led me on this
journey was you have to know that I'm
the son of Jewish immigrants which
pretty much means I came out of the womb
my mom cradled me in her arms and then
she stamped m.d on my ass and just sent
me on my way you know like in third
grade I wore scrubs to school for
Halloween you know I was that kid and by
the time I got to college I remember
really quickly you know I was the
pre-med of pre-meds
but I remember lying on my dorm room bed
staring up at the ceiling and looking at
this stack of biology books feeling like
they were sucking the life out of me
you know at first I just wondered maybe
I'm being lazy but and then I began to
question maybe I'm not on my path maybe
I'm on a path somebody place him out and
I'm just rolling down so not only am I
going through this what I do with my
life crisis that's when the question
started to evolve to you know how did
Bill Gates when nobody knew his name saw
softer out of his dorm room or how did
Lady Gaga without a single hint under
her belt get her first record deal these
are the things they don't only teach you
in school so I just did what I thought
was normal I just went to the library or
went on Amazon and just ripped through
books you know business books self-help
books biographies but eventually I was
left empty-handed and that's when my
very you know naive HNO thinking kicked
in and I thought well no one's gonna
write the book I'm dreaming of reading
why not write it myself and I thought
it'd be super simple just call it bill
gates interview him interview everyone
else I thought I'd be done in a few
months
to my surprise Bill Gates doesn't
eighteen-year-old college students that
I assumed would be the hard part
or I actually I thought that would be
the easy part the hard part would be
more about how to fund it because I was
buried in student loan debt I was all
out of Bar Mitzvah cash so there had to
be a way to make some quick money so two
nights before final exams freshman year
I'm in the library doing what everyone
does in the library right before finals
I'm on Facebook so someone was offering
free tickets to the prices right and I
swear I know this is very preposterous
but the first thought was what if I go
on the show and win some money to fund
this dream not my brightest moment but I
had a problem you know not only did my
finals in two days I never seen a full
episode of the show before mmm and I
remember you know telling myself was a
dumb idea and to not think about it but
I don't know if you've ever had one of
those moments where like an idea just
keeps clawing itself into mine
so to prove to myself was a bad idea I
remember I was sitting at this little
round table in the corner of the library
and I took out my spiral notebook and
made the best and worst case scenarios
and I remember like very vividly writing
you know worst-case scenarios fail
finals get kicked out of premed whose
financial aid mom stops talking to me no
mom hates me
you know looked at on TV there were like
20 cons and the only pro was maybe maybe
win enough money to fund this dream and
it felt almost as if somebody had tied a
rope around my gut and was slowly
pulling in a direction so that night I
decided to do the logical thing and pull
an all-nighter to study but I didn't
study for finals I stayed how to hack
the prices right I went on the show the
next day and did this ridiculous
strategy and ended up winning the whole
showcase showdown winning a sailboat
selling the sailboat and that's how I
funded the book I want to go back to
that list which I'm the pro and con list
so really pretty interesting and your
whole story about where your grandfather
comes from and you know that he was
almost killed in I
during the revolution and he ends up
escaping with the family and coming to
America he was very successful in Iran
he has to start all over here and all of
that sort of feeds into your ethos at
least once he tells you the story so
when you're making that list and you're
the weight of your family everybody
wanting you to be a doctor how was it
like in in your whole story the thing
that I think had to be one of the
hardest things was mom not talking to me
anymore mom hates me
I drop out of med school or pre-med Wow
what was it like for you to to buck that
and say oh I'm just gonna do my thing it
feels like you were like with my family
during this time because that really was
the hardest part and it's something my
friends couldn't really understand
because you know I remember this moment
when I was I might have been about like
five or six years old and I had this
nightmare and you know I jumped out of
bed it was the middle of the night and I
went down the hallway to go to my
parents room and I remember this blue
light creeping out from under my parents
room so I like cracked open the door and
stuck my head in and I remember seeing
my mom hunched over her you know little
desk with her old computer you know
working away in the middle of the night
this is around 3 or 4 a.m. and the next
night I woke up jumped out of bed
because I was curious and I saw her
doing it again and again and it wasn't
until you know 10 or so years later that
I learned that at that time my dad's
used car lot have gone bankrupt and
really our entire family was being kept
afloat by my mom working you know these
20-hour days mm-hmm
Wow by the way while being a full-time
mom right and you know being class mom
and being part of our school and only
then can I realize in hindsight why it
was so hard for me because when I was
setting off on this journey you know
everyone talks about you know taking the
leap and going for your dream and no one
talks about the emotional baggage in
pain that comes from turning your back
on the sacrifices others have made
for you dude that's what I want to talk
about what story were you telling
yourself like you you talked about
turning the volume up on your dream I
want to know what that really means like
what are you saying in your head it's a
brilliant metaphor the notion that okay
you've got all this noise I'm gonna turn
up the volume on my dream it's gonna
drown it out but like that the reality
of that is what so this is the thing I
believe fully that every single person
is going out to chase their dreams has
those voices in their head I think it's
part of the human experience whether
it's fear or anxiety whatever it may be
that's part of what it means to be a
human being
so you know for me it was my parents
coming to this country sacrificing for
you it might be completely different
what I've learned in hindsight is that
not just with my story with all these
people who I studied the key of taking
that first step the really daunting
because the first one's always the
hardest as you know it's not about
trying to logically argue with those
voices in our head you will never win
against the voices in your head if you
try to argue with them what I've learned
is that if you instead of focusing on
the voices in the fears you focus on the
desires and I think no matter what your
dream is if you're able to find a larger
purpose a larger impact that lives
beyond you all of a sudden all of your
[ __ ] that's holding you down becomes
a lot less relevant now tell me what
what is the mechanism of turning the
volume up is it just the amount of time
thinking about or is there something
more to it I'll tell you what works for
me for me I've learned that my the way
my brain works and it's worked with
other friends too is that writing things
down and very specifically like you know
it's not just wondering you know how do
I turn up the volume in a theory I would
literally write down so for this book
you know I would write down on a sheet
of paper my dream is to inspire a
generation to believe in what's possible
and the act of writing it down and I had
that you know it's funny to think about
in hindsight but I had that you know
taped above my desk I had that tape of
my bathroom sink I
that like folded up in my wallet I had
it on the inside of my spiral notebook
in college the act of writing it down
and physically seeing it every single
day made it tangible and it made it feel
like a less of a crazy idea and more of
a real possibility now that's really
cool and that specificity I just agree
with that so violently I guess is the
right word also it came to help you
because you had the actual list of
people that you wanted so when you would
meet them like Blake mikowski was one of
the stories the founder of TOMS shoes
tell us that story because it the way
that you ran into him ran into him is
pretty great with Blake I knew he was
speaking at this conference in downtown
LA he was accepting this like
humanitarian award and I get there and
of course you know I'm wearing my Tom
shoes and I'm wearing my blazer I'm like
19 years old I end up going to the event
and this is a crazy thing this is not
the only time this happened so it's very
very bizarre but I was in the bathroom I
remember I was in a stall and I look out
from you know under the little door and
I see these like really like brand-new
red toms
like out of the box brand new and I'm
like I wonder it has to be say like you
know finish I opened the door and there
is Blake Mycoskie you know washing his
hands fixing his hair right before he
goes onstage and it's one of those
things where you don't even have a
chance to think about what you're gonna
say and I just go like hi I'm I'm Alex
I'm 19 and I literally just start and I
asked him I'm like do you mind if I you
know talk with you for 30 seconds again
of course as long as you walk with me
and I started just pouring my heart out
to him and I think one of the keys is
that I actually didn't have an elevator
pitch I just shared with him what the
mission was and when he heard it on the
spot he's like absolutely a minute and
whether it was Blake or whether it was
with Tim Ferriss is also another
bathroom encounter
where though with all of these people it
was only when they heard the mission
because they can ask to be in books all
the time sure I didn't know that at the
time so the book was interesting to them
but this larger mission was actually
what pulled at their heartstrings to say
yes what makes this book so interesting
man is is your story of trying to put it
together which is at least as powerful
as the story is in the book if not in
some cases more powerful so how did you
deal with rejection oh my god
horribly you know because pretty much
the whole book at some point feels like
this long string of me getting my ass
beat you know and dealing with that
rejection I realize is not only a part
of the entrepreneurial journey it is the
entrepreneurial journey so how you deal
with it
is a lot more interesting than how you
got your win because everybody will get
their win in a different way but how you
deal with the rejection in many ways as
a universal act and what I've learned is
that I do two things one when I'm
getting beat and doors are just being
slammed in my face over and over and
over again and I have nothing left the
only thing that keeps me because I've
thought about quitting you know I'm I'm
a human being I've thought about you
know is this worth it the only thing
that would keep me going was that larger
belief that we talked about in the
beginning it's not about me there'll be
points on my journey where I would be
you know up at 4 a.m. sleeping at
midnight just pounding the pavement and
after you know getting rejected over and
over over again with that kind of
lifestyle
you lose your spirit of what started it
and it was my best friends that would
save me and they would be like dude
tomorrow like I'm taking your [ __ ]
phone we're going you know on an
adventure we're go you know whatever it
was and in many ways that was like my
emotional reset which saved me
over and over and over again your
friends are kind of like a third
character in this book which is really
interesting what I want to know is what
do you look for in friends like how did
you end up with friends like that you
know yeah I'm relatively young so I'm
not that wealthy or financially but I do
and I think about this all the time I
feel like a [ __ ] billionaire with
friendship and it's one of the things
I'm most proud of my friends like
they'll go toe-to-toe with anyone as
like Ryder dies the funniest people the
most supportive you know there's this
yeah I'll go there with you like there's
this one story where to me defines who
my friends are
this was about a year and a half ago my
dad just passed away from pancreatic
cancer and the way a Jewish funeral
works is there's these I believe it's
like six pallbearers that have to the
son isn't allowed to touch the casket so
the pallbearers carry it out and you
know they took it to the to the hearse
and we drive up from the chapel to the
gravesite and when we got to the
gravesite
I remember for some reason the
pallbearers that carry the casket
earlier weren't there and I just I got
sort of nervous of what are we going to
do it was a really chaotic day of course
and before I could try to figure it out
this rabbi came over started talking to
us and I don't know what happened next
but I remembered the door to the hearse
opening and hearing the casket being
taken out and the next thing I knew I
was stepping out onto the grass on the
processional and I look I'll never
forget this I looked up and I saw my
best friend's you know the boys who I
grew up with carrying my dad's casket
and dude I just started sobbing
and everyone I remember looking around
and seeing that everyone thought that I
was sobbing out of sadness
it's the biggest miracle in my life and
you know I don't wish losing a dad on
anybody but it's very hard for me to be
mad at God when I look out and see my
best friends can't my dad's casket and
what I learned that day is you know you
have your you have your friends and then
you have your best friends and then you
have the best friends who carry your
dad's casket and you know nothing's more
powerful than that and this this every
everything in this journey is a
testament to the to the love and the
friendship and the support of other
people yeah I just love them and thank
you for asking about them because
they're the thing that I'm I'm proud of
most and I love the most no man I
totally get that and it comes across so
beautifully in the book and it comes
across in the talks that you give and
stuff and it just there's something
about the way that you approach life
that I think is utterly fascinating it's
obviously captivated a lot of people
like even hearing the guys that Alsop
Louie talking about why they chose you
when you were like this nineteen year
old kid and nobody knew you and like
what do you know about VC and they're
just like yeah you can tell that they
liked being around you what does it take
to be a good friend to me it's really
easy to be that friend who's you know
cheering for you and like pumping your
fist and you know your bachelor party in
Vegas or whatever right that that's the
easy part of friendship being there and
cheering and celebrating to me the
testament of any relationship whether
it's a friendship
it's a romantic partner or a business
partner is how you handle the hard times
and to me the way you handle the hard
times is with really uncomfortable
conversations so I am a firm believer
that the quality of a relationship is
directly correlated to your ability to
have uncomfortable conversations with
each other and something that most
people don't know about me and my best
friends is that we say like once every
few months sit together and we go around
the circle this is like funny to talk
about but this is what we do we go
around and we share with each other like
something that the other person is doing
really well that we love and we want to
see more of and something that they can
improve on dude that's like that's good
in any relationship I mean that's really
brilliant for friends I don't know that
I've ever heard of people in a group of
friends doing that I think that is super
wise Thanks yeah I mean that that will
continue to play out incredibly well so
that notion of these hard conversations
I think is something that I want to make
myself feel better by making you
extraordinary and say that oh you're
just really good at that you cover
pretty extensively that that is just as
hard for you as anybody else
so how like what advice do you have for
people in terms of facing those fears
having those conversations getting
outside of your comfort zone you got a
quote and I'm gonna I'll get close it
was like part of the reason that people
don't take the leap is because you're
stepping outside of your zone of
certainty but no one ever got no one
ever made their dreams come true in
their field of certainty you have the
best memory remarkable dude I was really
into the book and just everything so
that makes it easy to remember that
stuff but like how how do you train to
do that like how do you get better at
that so something that I've learned from
and you know over the course of the
journey there's the people who I spoke
to for the book but there's also people
I got incredible advice from along the
way and one was Drew Houston the founder
and CEO of Dropbox I think I was like 20
years old and you know there's a pretty
cool
brunch to be having I'm sitting there
with him and I'm asking
similar questions and he told me
something that was amazing he said the
problem people have with dealing with
uncertainty which is uncertainty is
entrepreneurship that's the difference
between being an employee and being an
entrepreneur is the entrepreneur takes
on the uncertainty right true said the
key that people misunderstand about
uncertainty is that you're not born with
it it's a muscle and people just assume
that because they don't have it it's not
for them he said if you think of
uncertainty as a muscle and you train it
like a muscle things start changing
let's say you haven't worked out your
biceps you don't go to the gym and just
start lifting the 60 pound dumbbell you
know you start with two and then you
just go five and you go ten and then you
take you know a couple days off you have
to you know have rest days if you think
of it the way you train a muscle
all of a sudden uncertainty becomes this
manageable thing where you start small
and you work your way up and something
that drew said that I loved he said when
you feel the pain that means you're
working up a weight class that's cool
and then he said when you pull a muscle
like psychologically if you've taken on
so much uncertainty that you're having a
panic attack
you're way too high in your weight class
tone it down a little it doesn't mean
it's not for you but you know if you're
live done it you know you're lifting
weights and you you know pull something
all right you're gonna go down maybe ten
or twenty pounds the next time you go
into the gym and then you work your way
slowly back up
hmm talk to me about the flinch what
what specifically did you do to deal
with the flinch so there's this great
unbelievable passage from the book when
things fall apart by Pema Chodron
which I'd recommend to anybody going
through any hard time in life and she's
this Buddhist nun and there's this part
in the book where she goes you know
she's a Buddhist nun and she's admitting
that she still deals with a lot of fear
in many ways the flinch is then boddyhm
in a fear and Pema Chodron goes to the
school rule and there's ghosts a man
goes how how do you deal with fear
what is your relationship with your fear
and the Guru goes I agree with it I
agree with my fear and when I read that
I remember sitting back in my chair
because in many ways my whole life has
been this struggle of arguing with my
fear you know I would go with Steven
Spielberg he's standing 10 feet away
from me
and I literally cannot move my feet you
know I spent months trying to get into
the room but the second I was in there I
would completely freeze and what would
happen to me is in those moments where I
would freeze the voice in my head would
be yelling at me arguing with my fear
saying in really negative things like
when you're gonna [ __ ] this up come on
like just really aggressive mean
self-talk that line from Pema Chodron
you know I agree with my fear in many
ways as almost this jujitsu move where
instead of fighting your fear you agree
with it you tell yourself and I do this
every day because with this book launch
there's a lot of things I'm still scared
of truthfully and what I tell myself
when I'm scared my instinct is still to
fight it but I tell myself huh that is
scary
a normal person would be afraid of that
and the weirdest thing happens the fear
just releases its grip it doesn't
disappear but it releases its grip and
you can sort of go all right you're
gonna sit here well I'm gonna go do my
thing and we'll be right back and it's
it's weird I don't use the word magic a
lot but just that thought is like magic
that's really incredible what are some
of the most impressive third door
moments that you heard from other people
researching the book my favoritest field
works because in many ways Spielberg's
third door story embodies so much of the
third door in general and the reason I
love it so much is because
it starts he was rejected from film
school which is bonkers you know it's
like Bill Gates being turned down from a
computer science class you know
Spielberg was rejected from USC film
school multiple times and he what I love
about it is that instead of doing what
most people would do is think you know
maybe I'm not cut out for this he
decided he was gonna take his education
into his own hands so what he did is he
registered for Cal State Long Beach
which isn't which isn't too far away and
he arranged his classes so he would only
be there you know Tuesdays and Thursdays
and he decided he would find a way to
break into Hollywood so what he did is
and we've been to Universal Studios
theme park so you know that tram ride
like it takes on the backlot so
Spielberg when he was 19
goes to Universal Studios goes on the
tram ride goes around the back lot jumps
off the tram hides in a bathroom waits
for the tram to ride away and starts
wandering around a lot and you know he's
popping his head here and there and this
older gentleman his name is Chuck silver
stops in' and chuck silvers worked from
the universal television library and you
know this 19 year olds kid just starts
mumbling saying like you know my biggest
dream is to be a director and they end
up actually talking for about an hour
and tuck silvers goes you want to come
back on the lot and it's be over so that
would be my biggest dream so Chuck
Silver's writes in this three day pass
and hands a check and Spielberg you know
comes on day one day two day three but
on day four he comes back onto the lot
wearing a suit holding his dad's
briefcase walks up to the security
entrance puts the hand in the air and
goes hey Scotty and Scotty just waves
back and he walks right in and for
months we over would walk back onto the
lot and sneak into soundstages go into
editing rooms asking actors and
actresses and producers out to lunch
soaking up as much knowledge as he could
and again what I love about is this is a
kid who's rejected from film school and
in many ways he created his own film
school and you know he's going around
and after a while Chuck Silver's who
became a mentor to him
said one of the best piece of advice he
could have given he said Stephen there
needs to be a point where you stop
snoozing and you come back with
something of quality to show people hmm
and Spielberg you know took that hard
you know we were talking out hard piece
of advice he took that hard piece of
advice to heart and he stopped coming to
the lot and started creating this short
film called Amblin and he spent months
editing and even the way he produced and
got the money for the film is like a
third door story in and of itself but he
makes this little short film comes back
to the lot shows it to Chuck Silver's
and it's so good that a single tear
comes down Chuck's over his face and
Silver's reaches for the phone and calls
up Sid Sheinberg the vice president of
universal television and go sit I have
something you have to see you know this
guy's the VP of television universally
it's like look there's a lot of things
that I need to see and he goes no no no
no you need to see this right now and he
goes you think it's that god that
important he goes yes it's that goddamn
important if you don't watch this
tonight somebody else will and the best
part of the story is since Sid Sheinberg
still was sort of like lukewarm so Chuck
Silver's call this is back when had
projectionists Chuck Silver's called the
projectionists for Sid Sheinberg office
it was like look Sid doesn't want to
watch this but when he gets to the you
know the projection room tonight put
this first he pretty much put his entire
reputation on the line for this young 19
year old Steven Spielberg and as soon as
Sid Sheinberg watched the movie he said
he wanted to meet Spielberg immediately
it's people ran over got to the big
office and on the spot he got offered a
seven-year contract and that's how he
became the youngest director in
Hollywood history
and when I reflect back on this story
you know there's a million things that
worked well but you know Spielberg had
incredible talent but so do a lot of
aspiring directors what made the
difference and to me it was really like
this
people game that he played you know
jumping off the law and meeting
different people but a people game sort
of sounds like you know networking at a
career fair to me it was like this
Spielberg game you know jump off the bus
find your inside man and use him or her
as your way in and really the key is
that Inside Man because if you think
about it without Chuck Silver's one
writing that pass to which I think is
one of the most important giving
Spielberg that advice that only someone
inside of the studio would know to tell
him and then three which is the ultimate
one putting his reputation on the line
so Spielberg could get his foot in the
door none of this would have happened
and to me I've realized every single
person doesn't matter if it's Bill Gates
Lady Gaga Maya Angelou Steve Wozniak
we've all had an inside man or woman
who's believed in them enough to put
their reputation on the line to open
that door what I love about that is that
Inside Man comes from they've gotten
good at something right like even
Spielberg in his story knowing how early
he started and how he's making these
movies like when he's a little kid and
so even by the time he's 19 he's been
doing it for years and years and years
one story that I found really
interesting in the book I think his name
is Chi Chi Lou yeah so tell that story
man like that's an incredible story and
then his his quote about what luck
really is that was just breathtaking I
my personal belief is that Chi Lou is
the most wild story in Silicon Valley
history that no one talks about I'd
never heard of a horse yeah and there's
a reason - it's by design because Qi Liu
believes that every hour he talks to a
journalist is an hour he's not giving
back to the world you know talk about a
guy who's like committed to his impact
right so it's crazy because the thing
about Chi Lou is I didn't I didn't know
who he was so it was a mentor of mine
who insisted I interview him and I soon
found out why Qi Liu grew up in a rural
village outside of Shanghai China with
no running water and no electricity you
know people walk around with deformities
from malnutrition like that's how bad it
was
and we think our education systems bad
in America for every 300 schoolchildren
there was one teacher
Wow I remember him even telling me that
they had me you know once a year on you
know the New Year as a delicacy and you
know but she was very smart and very
hard-working and by age 27 was making
the most money he's ever made before $7
a month fast-forward 20 years later and
he's a president and Microsoft and it is
just mind-blowing and the story is
equally as crazy so if you pull back the
layers this is what happened so his
original goal was to be like a ship
builder because that paid really well
but he was too scrawny and too short so
he had to go focus on his studies and
around college he had this realization
that changed his life you know his
biggest dream was to go to America and
study in an American University but to
put it in perspective it would cost I
think about $60 just to take the
entrance exam to take the test to apply
to an American University and this guy
you know at the most she's making seven
dollars a month so it's impossible for
him to even take that exam but he
decides that he's not gonna focus on the
obstacles he's gonna focus on what he
can control and what he can control is
he can't control his money he can't
control him circumstance but one thing
in his opinion that God is fair to
everyone on earth is the amount of time
they have in a day so he said okay
that's something I can hold on to
because whether you're the president out
of states or a rice farmer you get 24
hours every day so Qi Liu went to the
library and started studying famous
people in history who hacked their sleep
because Qi Liu was normal sleeping about
eight hours a night like everyone else
so you know Leonardo da Vinci there's
all these people who have hacked their
sleep Thomas Edison so Qi Liu starts
experimenting
and over the course of months he goes
from eight hours seven hours six five
four three two one hour and night he
goes okay one hour isn't working he goes
back up to three still not working for
and at four he finally perfected for his
body because everybody's different for
his body he was able to work at the same
speed an awareness that he was able to
do at eight and he has this various
different systems that he uses and
what's crazy is that if you do the math
from eight hours of sleep a night to
four and if you're using those four
productively that's adding two whole
months of productivity per year so if
you're crushing it he's crushing it 14
months for every 12 months you're doing
and it all paid off you know he didn't
know where we were to go but it all paid
off one night he was in graduate school
at the time and it was a Sunday and
normally on Sundays he rides his bike
back to his village to visit his parents
but you know randomly that's Sunday it
was raining he couldn't ride his bike so
he stayed in his dorm room and that
night a friend came knocking on his door
and said hey you know there's a
professor downstairs from Carnegie
Mellon University who's giving a guest
lecture but it's raining nobody's here
can you come down and like fill the
seats so it's not embarrassing for us
and she's a very nice guy and he's like
of course yeah he'll do anything for
anyone he's just the nicest person so he
goes downstairs to fill the seats and
the professor's talking about this very
crazy computer science stuff and she
raises hand and asked a few you know
very smart questions and at the end of
the lecture the professor from Carnegie
Mellon goes hey you how did you know so
much about this where did you get those
questions from and she's very modest
he's like oh you know I've just done a
little research on the topic and the
guy's like have you done any research
papers on it she had done five research
papers on the topic and that's the power
of she time he was the most prepared
person in that room not by an inch but
by a [ __ ] mile so the professor says
can you show me
research papers Sochi Sprint's to his
dorm room grabs the papers runs back
down shows it to this professor the
professor is reading them on the spot
and goes do you want to go to the United
States at all to study and she tells him
you know it's the biggest dream but he
can't afford to take the entrance exams
so on the spot the professors like I'll
cover your fees
she takes the tests and a few months
later he gets an envelope in the mail
Carnegie Mellon offered him a full ride
to get his ph.d well and you know
there's so you can't study success
without asking yourself what role lock
place whether it's Bill Gates or Buffett
there's all these moments you wonder you
know Malcolm Gladwell wrote a whole book
outliers on the whole question of luck
and random coincidences so I asked Qi
Liu because of anyone in many ways had
this lucky break it was him on a Sunday
if he wasn't if it wasn't raining he
wouldn't have been there but on the
other hand there was nothing nothing
lucky about him writing those five
research papers so I turned the question
on Tucci and I said you know what what
have you learned about luck and he's
like very wise he like sits back in his
chair and he's like luck is essential to
success but no one understands the way
it works and I was like huh and what he
told me is that people think luck is
completely random Chi's belief is that
luck isn't random
it's almost like a bus that keeps
showing up at the same bus stop over and
over and over again so if you miss one
opportunity
don't fret there'll be a next one at
another point but if you don't have the
right fare informs of your preparation
you will never be able to get onto that
bus no matter how many times it comes to
the stop and what he said is you know
luck is like a bus if you're not
prepared you won't be able to jump on
dude
when I heard that I was like alright
this that's powerful I will remember
that
for a very long time it so resonates
with me as being true yeah so that that
I read the man he's unbelievable I was
really impressed with that one of the
things you said is driving you is that
being the you're in a big family and you
said literally amongst all your cousins
you were like dead in the middle and one
thing that always bothered you was
feeling invisible and I think that's
something that a lot of people can
relate to how have you dealt with that
is it something that's helped you is
this something that's hurt you but how
does it impact your life so it's so
funny because with these like childhood
emotions to me they're like so visceral
there I can see them if I close my eyes
like I remember sitting by my grandma's
house she has this like big dining-room
table like a big round one and you know
we have like 25 people my mom you know
all these cousins and stuff I remember
sitting there as a kid
because like you said I'm dead in the
center I have like you know 10 older
cousins 10 younger cousins and I
remember sitting at that table and
feeling like you know I could start
having a seizure and nobody would know
but I it's weird when you're a kid these
feelings are very visceral and that
feeling of being invisible followed me
through a lot of my life where I
remember in high school there would be
some days I would be like walking in the
hallways feeling like people were
looking like right through me
like I was this ghost and I didn't know
this at the time that no self-awareness
but that became this story that I told
myself and that story turned into an
insecurity and in many ways I've gotten
myself in hindsight in a lot of trouble
in social situations and career
situations where that insecurity was
calling the shots when you don't know
the story that you're telling yourself
is when they're the most dangerous so I
thought I was invisible
so I would do things to try to stand out
and that gets you into a lot of trouble
you know there's this great moment from
Tony Hsieh in the book where he's sort
of like snaps me into getting more cell
phone
I've learned that insecurities will
never leave you just like with fear
they're a natural part of the human
condition so your goal shouldn't be to
rid yourself of insecurities it should
be to become so aware of them that they
could be yammering away and you go oh
that's just the insecurities because
when they're calling the shots when
they're determining determining your
actions whether it's your insecurities
and I'm not enough I'm worthless I'm
invisible I'm unlovable people are gonna
abandon me when you're not aware that
that's driving your actions that's when
you get yourself into the biggest
biggest disasters of your life if anyone
out there is dealing with and insecurity
that they want help you know growing
through the first step is getting rid of
the shame that surrounds it because the
shame is what traps that insecurity
think of the insecurity like a bug and
the shame is like the the glass on top
of the bug you can't deal with that bug
if there's this guardrail and the thing
about shame is that shame can only live
in secrecy
the second you speak something out loud
it doesn't have power over you anymore
and even in the writing of this book
that was some of the hardest stuff when
I was a kid I would get bullied and they
would call me like fatty banana they
first of all it's still weird to even
speak those words out loud but the fat
the act of writing it even the act of
saying it the next time it's going to be
easier and as soon as it doesn't become
this secret anymore you can start
dealing with it so anyone is dealing
with an insecurity whether it's being
invisible or not being enough speak it
out loud whether it's in therapy whether
it's and friends with friends or if it's
just writing it in your journal because
only then can you start to deal with it
it's incredible man incredible before I
asked my last question tell these guys
where they can find you online so social
is very easy all my all the accounts are
Facebook Twitter snapchat Instagram it's
all at Al expand ion so ba na Y an and
the book website is very easy to its
third door book com so th IR D third or
book comm and of course it's on Amazon
and Barnes & Noble and audible and all
those places alright my last question
what's the impact that you want to have
on the world he goes back to that line
that I wrote on that sheet of paper when
I was 18 and starting this mission I
want to inspire people to believe in
what's possible and there's this one
story that it came across during my
research that really stuck with me it's
a story of this teacher who is teaching
and Teach for America in Baltimore you
know really really tough school and
young teacher you know full of hope and
she's dealing with these elementary
school kids I think maybe second grade
third grade and she realizes just how
hard of a situation they're all in so
one day she decides all right we're not
gonna do the math class today we're
gonna instead draw pictures of our
biggest dreams and she passed out sheets
of paper to these kids and crayons and
all that could start you know drawing
pictures of what they want to be when
they grew up and there's this one young
boy sitting in the corner of the class
whose face is blank and you know 30
minutes goes by and he hasn't even
picked up a crayon and then finally his
eyes light up and he starts drawing and
at the end of class you know the kids
passing the papers and the teachers
reviewing them once they leave and she
sees that that young boy drew a picture
of a pizza delivery man and the teacher
was very concerned so she called the
mother of the boy and she said what
happened and the mother wasn't surprised
at all the mother explained to the
teacher that the only man in his life is
his uncle
who's not on drugs are not in jail and
delivers pizza and what that story
showed me is that young people will
always look up and reach for the highest
branch they see as possible and it's not
their fault what branches they see
because they'll always reach for the
highest branch whether it's up to
parents whether it's up to schools or
society at large and that's a reason I
love impact Theory so much because in
many ways where you're doing is you're
illuminating branches for people you're
changing what they believe is possible
and what I've learned is that and when
you change what someone believes is
possible you change what becomes
possible and that's the impact I'd like
to have was amazing thank you guys
alright just right now run out and get
the book I'm telling you I'll just be
Ober shameless because it is that damn
good go get this saying you know I don't
normally do this I think I've held up a
book maybe three times in the existence
of this show
it's amazing what you're going to love
about it for sure you're gonna love each
and every one of the people the famous
people that you know that you've heard
of and hearing how that they broke
through will be incredibly fun and many
times enlightening but the
transformation that he goes through as a
person in the creation of this book is
absolutely astonishing it you need to
think of this video as a compendium to
the book and the way that the two go
together and to hear the stories that he
tells about himself and that that kind
of transformation is there for anybody
that wants to avail themselves of that
to work that hard to strive that hard to
fall in love with their mistakes to
understand that that's where the value
lies that the way that he so openly
talks about the things that went wrong
like this was basically an hour of all
the things that were difficult or went
wrong and they're so beautiful that
somebody can share something like that
that I know you guys will be able to see
yourselves in I saw myself in each and
every one of them and to know that
there's a way to get past that to
leverage it to use it to grow to become
more
powerful to do what you want to do is
just absolutely astonishing I'm telling
you this is somebody to watch get on
that train right now because wherever
this guy goes it's gonna be incredibly
impressive and useful to you and that is
the highest compliment that I can pay if
you haven't already be sure to subscribe
and until next time my friends be at
legendary take care everybody thank you
so much for watching and being a part of
this community if you haven't already be
sure to subscribe you're going to get
weekly videos on building a growth
mindset cultivating grit and unlocking
your full potential