Kind: captions
Language: en
[Music]
hey everybody welcome to another episode
of impact theory today we are going to
be diving into the topic of how on earth
do you actually take that first step
whether you're dreaming about something
big you're dreaming about something
small i promise you that getting that
first step getting that first bit of
momentum is everything and i know a lot
of people struggle with that and so
we're going to be diving into exactly
what you're going to have to do
to get yourself to compel yourself
forward because you can my friends you
can and when you do it's gonna change
your life forever all right without
further ado here we go first question is
how do you take action when there is a
persistent feeling that you will fail
eventually because you cannot sustain
your interest okay so there's two issues
in there number one is the fear of
failure so first of all i want to break
everybody's notion of what failure is
we're going to start thinking about
failure in the terms of artificial
intelligence now the reason i bring that
up is in ai
they have these self-learning algorithms
that can try something over and over and
over and in the beginning they're just
patently embarrassing it's hilarious you
see this ai like there's one we're
trying to play this game called
breakthrough and it's like wiggling the
paddle back and forth and it looks super
awkward like the game the ai clearly has
no idea how to even play the game so
it's just told get a high score but it
doesn't know what
actually gets a high score doesn't know
what gets any points
and so you see it doing all of this like
herky-jerky movement that if it were a
human it would be very embarrassing you
can imagine somebody running out on the
tennis court and they don't even know
that they're supposed to hit the ball
and they're just swinging around like
mad
now we would say you embarrassed
yourself oh my god what an epic fail on
and on ai goes it's a sample
that's it
and that difference between you're an
embarrassing failure that was an epic
fail and
you have a sample now you have a data
point you tried something you got a
result and that result teaches you
something so now next time you can do
something different you will get a
different result so once you realize
that the reason that failure
is the single most information rich data
stream on earth is because
when you fail it hurts that emotional
pain that you get from failing triggers
the areas in the brain that have to do
with memory and focus so you really
laser in
to learn the lesson you trigger memory
formation so you'll be better next time
so nature has literally wired this up
for you to be the most advantageous
thing and the only problem is that you
think of it as something to avoid
instead of the way the ai researchers
label it in their research which is it
is just a sample of data now if you
could take that on in your own life i
think you'd be a lot less worried
about not starting because you know that
ultimately you're going to run out of
steam because now that running out of
steam where did i run out of steam why
did i lose interest what was it about
this that became unsustainable i would
just tell you in my own life i work like
a dog i work an average of 93 hours a
week i could have bought an island and
retired a long time ago i could still
buy an island today and retire so the
question becomes why don't i why instead
do i show up and work 93 hours
and the reality is that i'm excited
about what i'm doing
now i am as prone as anybody else to
laziness
i'm as prone as anybody else to running
out of steam i just know what the things
are that spring me out of bed in the
morning to get me excited to tackle
something and then i know what to do
when i start getting really bored
so for instance for whatever reason the
last few days i've actually sat down and
audited why do i feel like i'm lacking
energy my first assumption is always
diet so i looked at my diet i'm like
nope my diet is on point right now it's
got diversity i'm only eating whole
foods like literally all the things that
i can normally pick apart so i'm like
i'm pretty sure that this time it isn't
diet
and then i started thinking well because
of some reasons with one of our key
employees ended up getting really sick
and so has been put on hiatus for the
next three months and so the project i
was most excited about went from like
this high level of excitement and we're
moving forward and all this progress to
now doing the thing that i hate most
which is digging through resume after
resume after resume trying to find
somebody to step in and it felt like
everything installed out and i asked
myself is this because
we've stopped making progress on that
project that i'm super amped about
and i ran a test and i did something
that was really exciting and my energy
levels flooded back and i was like okay
this is actually perfect is a perfect
sample it's a perfect bit of data okay i
was starting to flag in energy and
enthusiasm because i was only doing the
boring [ __ ]
okay what jeff bezos calls the overhead
no matter how much you love your job
every job has overhead the boring stuff
and what you have to do is find ways to
bring into what you're doing something
that excites you and if you hate
everything about your job get a new job
there is no reason or excuse quite
frankly in your life if you know man the
things i want to accomplish
i'm stopping i don't even start because
i know i'm going to give up and i can
just tell you there's only two reasons
you're going to give up you get bored or
you encounter an insecurity
once you unwind those and you learn how
to make sure that a you're doing a job
that isn't pure overhead it isn't pure
boredom so that there are elements that
you could pull in where you could
structure your day in such a way where
you're spending some amount of time
doing things that really excite you that
reconnect you to that thing that gives
you energy right there's two kinds of
energy cellular are you eating right are
you sleeping
and then psychological are you amped
about what you do
because let me tell you
all the money in the world pales in
comparison to
joy
actually loving what you're doing so to
bring it all back around you've got two
things number one
make sure that you change your
relationship to failure failure is
incredibly useful and number two make
sure that you're doing something that
excites you if you do those two things
and then just work in a bit of
discipline so that you keep pushing
through the parts that are overhead to
make sure that you get back to the
exciting stuff and you'll be able to
crush it just remember you're having a
biological experience so manage that
neurochemistry
all right
next
when one does not know where or how to
start like not at all how does one then
get started for example how do you start
your business with zero experience in
business but so many skills gained from
your job all right this is amazing so
here is the reality
when it comes to figuring out where to
start
the truthful answer is guess and get
going
guess and get going your guess may be
terrible but what did we just learn
about failure
it's information rich we're going to
learn something it's a sample does not
say anything about who we are as a human
does not say anything about our future
ability to be successful it is not a
um
does not etch in stone who you are and
what you're going to achieve in life
that you start clumsy that you fail in
the beginning my thing is the reason
people say just throw them into the deep
end is because let me tell you you start
trying things real fast when you're
sinking to the bottom of the pool hey
does splashing my arms around like this
work does kicking my legs like this work
just grabbing at the person next to me
and like trying to climb up them does
that work
that's you running a bunch of
experiments which you never would have
done sitting on the bank thinking about
it
you will not be able to think your way
to success that doesn't mean that you
shouldn't think it just means when you
think and then go either a lot of time
has passed so i would say if you've
thought for more than 72 hours about it
thinking is no longer going to help you
that window though very beneficial sleep
on it a couple nights really think
through it do some research but now post
72 hours it's time to take action now
that doesn't mean that we're not going
to think about it anymore we're not
going to research we are a whole lot but
that research
magnifies tremendously
when it's paired with action
so now
reading an article listening to a
podcast is paired with flailing around
like an idiot in the deep end going oh
my god now i see what they were trying
to explain in that book that article
that video whatever
but you're never going to be able to
make those connections if you're not
actually in it so you're not going to
think your way to success you are
definitely going to get in there and do
your way to success so that's a critical
thing there's no magical first step
you're so worried about the first step
because you think that there's some like
magical auspicious first step that's
like and i see this now with um
nft artists where it's like oh man but
my genesis piece means everything and so
they don't create anything because they
are so worried about what their first
piece is [ __ ] that noise
do something create get out there try
longevity
that's the game
and if you would
allow me
on the side
there was a class i forget where this is
so interesting bear with me
where an art teacher said
you have two options before you
your final grade can either be based on
a single piece and that's all you have
to create this entire time or
i can grade you based on the pounds of
art that you output literally the pounds
the weight the number of
items that you create i think this was a
sculpture class
so you've got people that are like hey
amazing i'll take all my time i'll do
one thing it's going to be amazing and
she said without question like 95 of the
time the best grades went to the people
that did art by the pound why
because they tried and failed and tried
and failed and they weren't precious
about it and they just got in there and
they got messy and they pushed their
skills forward they got those samples
they learned they researched they tried
they had a whole bunch of stuff that was
garbage
but man a few times in there they really
hit on something and they really learned
and they really pushed themselves
forward live life by the pound
all right next up
how do you take action as a co-dependent
person that has a hard time
self-managing or making decisions
all right so number one you become what
you repeat now i am not denying that
there are genetics i i'm not denying
that there are personality um
predilections some people just lean some
kind of way so i get it you may have an
easier time becoming subsumed by another
person
and have a hard time managing yourself
and
that you don't have a belief system or a
set of rules that forces you to make
decisions but i also know that you're
reinforcing this stuff by having a
self-image that says
that you're not good at self-managing
that you're not good at making decisions
that you are codependent
stop saying that
and the reason you're going to stop
saying it even if it is true
is because the way that the brain works
you become what you repeat
so
even if you were let's say on a scale of
10 that you were born a four
as somebody who's likely to struggle
with making decisions as somebody who's
likely to become codependent
by repeating it you're now an eight
now it was manageable when it was a four
now that it's an eight we've really got
a problem and by the way it will just
seem more and more true
that this thing about you is just
inescapably true there's nothing you can
do it's your nature you have always been
this way which is why you started
admitting it in the beginning it was i'm
not repeating it tom i'm just admitting
it i'm just being honest about where i
am yes the problem is that your brain
will justify whatever you think and feel
so if you start thinking and feeling yo
even though i was born
more likely to struggle with decisions
than somebody else more likely to let
other people sort of consume my own
personality and i just default to them
even though i was born that way i have
set up these rules in my life to ensure
that i don't stay
that way now repeat that to yourself say
that over and over and over and over and
suddenly that eight begins to atrophy
down into a four now what's fascinating
is why this happens this is neuroscience
our brain was developed by evolution on
an evolutionary time frame we were we
spent the vast majority of our life
cycle as a species having to really work
to get calories which means that our
brain has developed mechanisms to make
sure that we don't over burn calories
now your brain itself
weighs like three pounds and burns
between 20 and 25 percent of your total
caloric intake
imagine that it's this tiny fraction of
your actual body and yet it's taking up
20 to 25 of the calories so you can
imagine the brain is like yo i need to
find a way to make this hard ass work of
thinking that i do far less calorically
demanding because i live in an area
in a time period where getting calories
is hard right that's evolution speaking
so since i don't know when i'm getting
my next calorie i've really got to be
thoughtful about how many calories i
burn so it uses
a system called myelination
to make sure that neurons that fire
together wire together meaning hey
these two go off all the same time
frequently and so i need to make it less
calorically demanding for that to happen
i need those signals to travel more
easily
more efficiently from an energy
perspective so it actually goes and
wraps
those connection points in your brain
with a fatty tissue called myelination
or the process called myelination it's
called a myelin sheath so it wraps it
with that myelin sheath and now it's
actually easier for those signals to
pass so it over time whatever you repeat
actually becomes easier to think now
once it becomes easier to think your
brain defaults to that because it's
trying to conserve calories so you're
going to return over and over and over
to the things you repeat so the way that
we get that 8 to reduce back down to the
four
is by letting that atrophy
by not reinforcing it using what's
called a pattern interrupt so you go to
repeat oh man i'm the type of person
that i'm just so codependent i have so
much trouble making no
i do not allow myself to think that
i have a rule
i don't allow myself to think
even if it's true
anything
that moves me away from my goals and if
your goal is to get better at starting
get better at making decisions get
better at striking out on your own then
you can't repeat that
you are only making it worse so again
i'm not denying whether it's true i'm
just asking whether it's effective
and if your goal is to become bold and
move you can't keep repeating
that you're not good at that because
then your brain is just going to be like
oh yeah i'm not good at that i'm not
good at that i'm not good at that i'm
not good at that and that is going to
make you live a smaller and smaller and
smaller life make you more and more
prone to be truly codependent so we're
going to pattern interrupt
and then we're going to think a new
thought so that eight begins to atrophy
to the four and now something new
begins to get stronger and so you're
going to insert a belief about who you
are or who you believe that you can
become and you're going to repeat that
over and over and if that message is
empowering i'm the type of person that
despite the fact
that i have a hard time making decisions
i am never afraid to make a decision in
10 minutes or less i'll give myself some
time to think about it but then i act
and i accept the consequences whatever
comes because nothing to me is worse
than standing still
being wrong
is the most information rich data stream
there is
i don't allow myself to stand still
taking action failure information rich
repeating it repeating it repeating it
and all of a sudden over time you start
acting in that way it's the easier
thought to think you feel differently
you feel expansive you actually take on
these challenges and because it's
actually real that mistakes really are
the most information rich data stream
you're ever going to encounter now all
of a sudden by having that rule by doing
that pattern interrupt by building this
new belief
by repeating it over and over
the very nature of your life changes and
suddenly it becomes a positive
self-fulfilling
prophecy
and here
we only do things that are positive
self-reinforcing
beliefs and prophecies
that's it next
how can you tell the difference between
planning for situations appropriately
and overthinking or stalling
so the reality is that putting some
thought into something is very
advantageous and what i don't want
people to hear me say is that oh you
should just go off half cocked now
admittedly doing something that has a
high probability of failure is better
than standing still
but you do want to be thoughtful for
something so i would just put a rule
around it so your rule might be three
days like it's mine 72 hours maybe it's
a week
anything too far north of a week is
spilling into it's just pretty obvious
that we're now overthinking this problem
so this comes down to what you believe
about the way the world works and if you
agree that you learn things much faster
by being in the middle of them than you
do by reading books about them so just
think about going to a job interview
it is far more compelling if somebody
comes to me and says i spent the last 10
years working in this industry here are
the projects that i put together then
for somebody to say that you know i went
to an ivy league school and i got this
degree but i've never actually worked on
the thing that
you want me to do i've read about it but
i've not actually worked on it it's like
somebody that's read about it and
theoretically knows versus somebody that
can prove that they know based on
historical things that they've created
it's like all day every day i'm going
with the person that's actually done the
thing
because in the end a you've got results
and b just being in there and having to
figure something out is going to be far
more advantageous than dealing with
something in the abstract
so don't allow yourself just from a life
rules perspective don't allow yourself
to sit there and overthink and just get
moving and so really this just comes
down to a time perspective how much time
have you spent thinking about it if it's
more than a week it's time to take
action next
having spent an awful lot of time
working from home due to the pandemic
for more than a year how to get back to
the physically active lifestyle the
challenges associated with it like
procrastination tiredness less
confidence etc you and lisa do a
wonderful job and trust me you are
making many like me live a more
passionate and meaningful life every
single day well thank you that's amazing
that kind of thing is exactly why we do
this
to answer the question
whenever you're talking about doing
something difficult it is always a
question of one thing
how badly do you want it
my physique
is the exact reflection of how much i
care
about my physique
and
during the pandemic i started working
out less
was like yeah i don't look as good but
you know i'm only ever showing up on
camera so i'm really not that bothered
and then i started to feel weak
and that was not a feeling that i liked
so now all of a sudden i've got desire i
don't want to feel weak
so now i'm like alright i am very
excited to go focus on getting strong
and
now
i switched probably about three months
ago and just started working out again
like a demon but it came down to that
desire it came down to
i wanted something more during the
pandemic which for me was oh my god i
don't have to travel i have to go
anywhere i can be so deadly efficient
with my time from the second i wake up
i'm working i just get right to it and
it was fun for a while it was perfect
for a while in fact but the second it
didn't feel good anymore boom that
desire for something new kicks in and
now you lean into that now here is the
great news about desire
it is a process
desire is a process in the same way that
even something as ephemeral as love
is a process which is why you go out on
dates which is why you get to know
somebody you spend time with them you
have to go through that process in order
to develop a meaningful relationship
the same is true with desire
you've got to actually get something out
of it there's got to be something real
there but once there's something real
there so take the gym i hate the gym i
hate working out so you're never going
to hear me say oh i want to go into the
gym to get that dopamine rush or
whatever it is my wife gets that she
looks like a crazy person to me she
never wants to take time off from the
gym not even on vacation
i don't get that so that's not the
thread for me to pull on in terms of
increasing my desire
but the thread in this example for me is
the moving away from being weak and
moving towards being strong now that i
could fan those flames
and the way that you fan those flames is
you take something that is a legitimate
interest i want to be strong i'm
interested it's not like it's going to
be the meaning of my life but i'm
interested
now i'm gonna go engage with that thing
i'm gonna go lift those weights i'm
gonna set rules right so
hey five days a week we're working out
no matter what even if it's pushing off
work doesn't matter we're gonna get
strong
so put the rules in place five days a
week i'm gonna work out it's gonna be
the first thing i do in the morning no
matter what okay cool so now i go
straight to the gym i'm working out i'm
holding myself accountable to my rules
then
then you start to feel a little bit
different you start to look a little bit
different and now you're going to fan
those flames you're yeah like i'm
lifting more than i was lifting before i
said i was going to do it here i am i'm
doing it you're doing all these things
to make yourself feel good you said
you'd show up at the gym today you did
you said you'd work out five days this
week you did and all of these things
you're bigging yourself up as the brits
would say and so you're feeling better
about yourself psychologically because
you're rewarding yourself you're feeling
better about yourself because you're
actually in this case the thing that i
want to desire more is getting stronger
so
i reward myself for showing up at the
gym i fantasize knowing i'm gonna get
stronger so as i'm lifting i'm thinking
about getting stronger and how good
that's going to feel and how good it's
going to look and oh my god this is
going to be amazing so now as i'm
repeating that and i'm telling my wife
i'm going to the gym working out i'm
going to get super strong it's going to
be [ __ ] awesome
now you're saying it out loud you're
saying it to yourself you're rewarding
yourself for taking the behaviors you're
playing in that fantasy realm of like
imagining how dope it's going to be and
like i said earlier your brain will
justify
whatever you tell it whatever you're
repeating your brain is going to be like
whoa this is exciting you have this
emotional amplitude every time you talk
about it every time you think about it
so the brain's like wow this must really
matter we must really be excited about
this and so you tell people i'm super
[ __ ] amped i'm doing this i'm feeling
good this is awesome
and as you go through what started out
as an interest
now starts to be a really reinforced
desire then that you know you can think
of it as
as a glowing ember of interest and the
more you engage with it the more you
tell people you're doing it the more you
remind yourself you're doing it the more
you
say all of this with this emotional
amplitude embodied passion
your brain justifies all that and goes
wow we really are excited about this and
now all of a sudden it's like i'm super
stoked to get up and work out every day
and that's how the process of desire
works so hey
not feeling good about yourself sort of
let yourself go you're a little bit
tired you don't have the confidence all
right we're going to get that energy
back
we're going to get that confidence back
we know this is just a process
all i have to do is show up and put in
the work and i'm going to get all of
that stuff back and i want that stuff
back
so
tell yourself tell other people embody
that excitement set rules hold yourself
accountable celebrate yourself when you
do it and then baby fantasize about it
get super amped and as the results start
coming in
really really whip yourself into a
frenzy around those things
it will work every single time as long
as you start with an actual area of
interest
it doesn't have to be this raging
inferno of desire just start with that
little bit
walk that process it will work every
time
all right
i've started the process of making the
goals i chunk it down
even take a first step sometimes but i
still end up putting it off i listen to
all the podcasts with tips what am i
missing you are missing desire
you gotta want it
this really is this is the big thing
when people are
procrastinating when they give up when
they seem to lack grit the reality is
you just don't want it badly enough and
when you think of this one of my
favorite
stories about this and you guys
may have heard this but it's so powerful
i want you to imagine
that somebody grabs you by the back of
the head
and they shove your head under water
imagine how
desperate
you would feel to get out from under
that imagine what you'd be willing to do
in normal day-to-day life if somebody
pissed you off you probably wouldn't
scratch their arms bloody
in normal day-to-day life you might not
claw somebody's eyes out but if that
[ __ ] is trying to drown you
when you start gasping for air there is
nothing that you won't do to get free
nothing
when you want success
as much as a drowning person wants their
next breath
you will find a way
it's the amplitude of desire
that really is
the thing that separates
use me as an example
it is the thing that separates this part
of my life
from the beginning of my
business career
when i wasn't sure i was going to see it
through
was lazy
i was scared
i was frustrated i was hopeless
and because i didn't know if i was going
to be able to pull it off i was always
ready to give up because it was so
uncomfortable to face the fear because
of my relationship i thought that if i
failed it said something bad about me we
covered earlier that isn't true but that
was certainly what i thought
my brain for reasons of evolution is
lazy and it prompts lazy choices
so i fell prey to that
my brain was or i was repeating things
in my brain about myself that were
self-defeating
and so it was very hard to
really go after my goals there was a
hesitation
so you've got this dual problem of
of all these things that tell me i
probably shouldn't go after this they're
very scary you're gonna make a fool of
yourself and here oh god this is this is
big
if you think
you're a loser but you don't have proof
there's hope in that
when you try something and you lose
now it's for real
now you really are a loser now you tried
it and you know you suck at least when
you just feared you might suck
there was no proof
so when i say you've gotta [ __ ] want
it
you've gotta want it bad enough to fight
through that period where you don't know
if you're going to pull it off
you're afraid that you're going to end
up being a total loser
and the people that go on to do just
[ __ ] extraordinary things with their
lives
they're people that want this success so
badly
that they're willing to face
the fact that they might
prove themselves to be a loser which of
course is an illusion and isn't actually
how it plays out but that's they needed
this huge desire
to help them overcome the fear
that they might be as big of a loser as
they think they are and that everyone
else is going to finally see what a
loser they are
so you have to build the desire
and honestly it's a twofer
build the desire and then recognize the
truth about trying and failing and how
information rich
failure really is
that this is a game that's meant to be
played on a long timeline
the thing that i've always said to
myself that's given me tremendous
courage to move forward
i might not be very good at something
yet
i might be about to embarrass myself as
i embark upon whatever this thing is
but i'm willing to learn
i'm willing to fail
i'm willing to embarrass myself
and because of that
and because nothing teaches you faster
than failure
on a long enough timeline i can beat
anyone at anything because everyone else
will give up
now maybe that's not true
but because that's what i repeat in my
head
it makes me act as if it were true
and so much of the success that i've had
in my life is simply because when
everybody else around me was giving up
i didn't give up
and the nature of the human animals is
nothing special about me the nature of
the human animal is if you put time and
energy disciplined time and energy into
getting better you will actually get
better and that skills have utility
i mean think about this
teams pay
millions of dollars
to stop lebron james from putting a ball
in a hoop
and yet despite the fact
that those people are paid millions of
dollars and they would pay them even
more if they could stop him
they can't stop him
because he's gotten so good kobe bryant
had a quote
boos don't block dunks
and what that means is
you can get so good
that even if the whole world wants you
to fail even if people are paid millions
of dollars to square off against you and
physically do their best with everything
they have to stop you
from doing what you want to do
they can't
because you've gotten so good and those
skills have utility
and so when you focus on that twofer
of understanding hey
i might look dumb but i can learn and
skills have utility
and so this thing
that i kind of want right now like i can
really invest in really wanting it
because if that's the thing using that
cycle we talked about earlier that if i
feed into that and i take that from this
glowing ember of interest to this raging
inferno of desire and recognize that
it's going to see me through this thing
over here as i fail and look stupid but
i'm growing and getting better and
ultimately will outperform everybody
that tries to stop me
nothing can stand in your way suddenly
you realize jesus this is a small price
to pay for greatness this is a small
price to pay to to make my dreams come
true to do the thing that i want to do
that everybody else doesn't even attempt
because they're stuck over here
stuck in fear they're stuck and worried
about what other people think they're
stuck with these minor interests that
they never take the time to work the
process to turn into true desire
my friends i promise you you can have
anything you want in life i have the
chills you can have anything you want in
life if you're willing to pay the price
to get it
and if you want to have the stamina to
pay the price it is all about building
desire
so guys
i get it
you're at a point in your life where it
seems real daunting
to either overcome your own limitations
to overcome all the competition to
overcome the fear uncertainty doubt
scary world difficult situation
but you can overcome it
you can take action
you can get started and no matter how
clumsy or awkward it all is
you can still win
because remember winning ugly
is still winning
all right guys thank you so much for
joining me if today's video brought you
any value and i hope it did hit that
subscribe button hit the bell for
notifications get on board make sure
that you are soaking yourself in this
kind of information this is exactly what
i use to take myself from scrounging in
my couch cushions to find enough change
to put gas in my car to building a
billion dollar business and changing my
life forever
all right thank you so much for joining
me and until next time my friends be
legendary take care