Kind: captions
Language: en
the very meaning of life is to find out
how many skills you can acquire that
have utility and then put that utility
to the test in service of someone else
your life is the exact
reflection of the choices you have made
that's why so many people are paralyzed
because they know that they're not the
person that they need to be in order to
accomplish and i'm here to tell you it
just comes down to price there's a price
to pay to become somebody new because
let me tell you something right now and
burn this into the core of your soul
there's always room for the best
once you understand the whole reason to
acquire a skill
is that it gives you power
now i'm going to define power
power to me
is the ability to close your eyes
and imagine a world the world the way
you wish it was
and then open your eyes
and make that world come true
that's power
and the thing that stands between you
where you are today and your goals where
you want to get is a gap in skill set it
is a gap in abilities
and once you're willing to look nakedly
at your inadequacies to literally build
your self-esteem your entire sense of
self-worth and value is built around one
thing whenever you face an obstacle
whenever you face a difficulty whenever
you fail you have one thing that you say
to yourself
on a long enough timeline i can learn
this
when you switch your life around to that
whatever your goal is here whatever part
of the honors club or the leading edge
you're at or if you want to go beyond
that
whatever that is
wherever you want to go plant that flag
identify the skills that you would need
to get there and then set about every
day getting those skills here's the
problem i find most people have they
judge themselves to the lens of a moment
they fail at something
they miss
the honor club
they don't close that deal they thought
they were going to they embarrass
themselves they flub something
and they think that defines who they are
but i'm telling you right now you're not
defined by who you are you're defined by
who you want to become
and the price you're willing to pay to
get there
and if you're prepared to become the
best
you can become unstoppable you can build
something other people think is
impossible you can build something out
from under a mountain of doubt
there's a price to pay for change
and i've had a lot of you come up to me
and
ask questions
and there's a look in people's eye and i
will tell you one of the questions that
hides behind what people are actually
saying is
tom am i going to make it
do i have what it takes
when you look into my future can you see
me making it
and i'm going to cut to the chase for
all of you and you're going to mistake
what i'm about to say for good news
and then i'm going to tell you why it's
actually
the worst thing i could tell you
you all meet minimum requirements
so whatever it is you want to do i'm not
going to say that it's going to be
easy for you because you're ultra smart
or something you probably aren't
but everyone that i've encountered here
literally without exception every single
person that has come up to me and said
something you meet minimum requirements
even you awkward [ __ ] that have
a hard time like making eye contact even
you guys i'm telling you right now
you've got some [ __ ] you're gonna have
to deal with
but you meet minimum requirements
now minimum requirements for what
[Music]
for whatever you want
now that sounds great
right
oh [ __ ]
tom said i can make it
this is amazing
but all i've actually said
is now
if you don't make it
it's on you
and that's it there's nobody else to
blame
everything
is your fault
everything
the good stuff in your life that's on
you you did that
you either put yourself in a position to
deserve it to be around people that want
to help to take care of you luck came by
you were able to capitalize on it
because like we talked about earlier
looks like a bus another one's coming
but will you have the fair to get on and
maybe that's it maybe you just got
really lucky
but you had the fair
to get on the bus and that's on you so
you should be very proud of the things
that you have in your life
but all the things in your life that
aren't to your satisfaction
those are all your fault
now i'm gonna tell you a story
and this story pisses people off
and it goes like this
my wife
who happens to be british
big it up for england
let's say that she is with her mom
and she's in the bedroom that she grew
up in
she's all safe and sound the door is
locked the alarm is on her mom's in the
next room making sure that she's safe
but right then
a meteorite
comes screaming through the atmosphere
crashes into her bedroom and kills her
whose fault is that
i know some other [ __ ] have listened
to my content
i will tell you that right now
now if people don't know me everybody
goes to it's dumb luck
divine providence
it's nobody's fault how could you blame
yourself
well let me tell you how i could blame
myself
and when you hear the reality of this
and you realize that i am in no way
shape or form being hyperbolic
it actually is my fault
here's why
i know right now
there is an organization that track what
are called near-earth objects
in fact i'm on the board of the x prize
one of the prizes that they're trying to
raise money for is for this problem to
track all these known objects and to
find some way
lasers planted nuclear explosions
something
to make sure
that if something is ever on a collision
course for earth that we can stop it
literally four weekends ago
i had a chance to vote for this to say
this should be a prize
and i didn't
so now not only have i never sent a dime
of my money to help i've never sent
an email with encouraging words i've
never called them up to tell them
what i think they should do now i
literally voted against them
so if a meteorite happens to kill my
wife
i don't have anyone to blame it myself
that's so apparently true
now i think it's the right decision i
think that putting the time and energy
into something that has such a
vanishingly slim possibility of actually
happening makes no sense you have to
know where to put your energies all of
us have a finite amount of energy so you
at some point have to triage and decide
what are the things that i'm going to
attack i'm far more worried about my
wife getting into a car
the likelihood of her dying is almost
certainly going to be
at this point
something to do with heart disease
or
something to do with an aneurysm things
like that
it most certainly isn't going to be a
meteorite crashing through the roof and
killing her but if it did
i wouldn't waste time blaming anyone
else
now the key here
the key
i wouldn't beat myself up over it
i would be crestfallen
my wife is my everything it would be a
loss so devastating i don't even want to
comprehend it
but i just wouldn't waste time blaming
anyone else
because the reality is
and let this come home
your life
is the exact
reflection of the choices you have made
love your life great you've made awesome
choices
hate your life
i'm sorry
you've made bad choices
humans lead with belief
that may be the single most important
thing to understand humans lead with
belief meaning you don't do something
and then believe you can do it you won't
even take the first step if you don't
believe that your actions will be
rewarded with results that's why so many
people are paralyzed because
they think that they're not worthy they
think they're or they know they're
uneducated
they know that they're not the person
that they need to be in order to
accomplish
and the reality is you're probably not
the fact is your skill set has already
taken you as far as it's going to take
you so if you
are unsatisfied with where you are today
i have some horrifying news for you i'll
chase it with some good news but first
let's start with the bad
the bad news is
your life is an exact reflection
of the choices you've made
that's it
it's not circumstance it comes down to
skill set and choices you've chosen to
build a certain skill set you've chosen
to do certain things take certain risks
place certain things safely whatever the
case may be those were all choices now
your life is a reflection of that what i
want you to understand though the belief
the only belief that you need to have
that thing
that is going to allow you to take that
first step
is not to believe
that you're capable
of what you're trying to build because
we all know you're not
i knew that i wasn't when we started
quest i knew i wasn't the person that i
needed to be i understood that
it just didn't paralyze me
because i believed one thing
and if you take nothing else from what i
say today burn the following statement
into your soul
humans
are
the ultimate adaptation machine
that's it
charles darwin is often misquoted as
saying
that it's the strongest of the species
that survive
he'd never said that what he actually
said
was it's not the strongest of the
species that survived nor the most
intelligent but rather the most adaptive
to change
we're the apex predator for a reason
because unlike any other animal we have
the ability to go in any direction any
direction we want we're the only species
that you can find anywhere at one point
james cameron was actually at the bottom
of the marianas trench
i believe the very meaning of life
is to find out how many skills you can
acquire that have utility
and then put that utility to the test in
service of someone else
it's what the ancient greeks call techne
i've worked my ass off for this set of
skills they are unique to me
and they help other people and in being
able to help other people with something
that i worked very hard for i feel good
about myself
and i will make you guys one promise
right here today the game you're playing
please listen to this
so that you don't end up wasting years
of your life like i did mine
the game that you're playing is not
success
the game you're playing is not money
the game that you're playing
is brain chemistry
it's about fulfillment
the only thing ultimately that's ever
going to matter in your life
is how you feel about yourself
when you're by yourself
the things you say to yourself quietly
in your mind when no one else is around
that's what matters
and becoming somebody that you're proud
of
in whatever way you define that is
completely open to you humans are the
ultimate adaptation machine we can grow
in any direction it is what we are
designed to do
what scientists used to call
junk dna
and they were so confused because humans
only have 20 000 genes some onions have
40 000 genes and they thought this can't
be onions just aren't more biologically
complicated than humans so what's going
on and then they realize all that junk
dna that they were dismissing
that's epigenetic information meaning
this one animal this human animal is
designed to respond
we don't come pre-programmed
we come ready to adapt we come ready to
change
we come ready to grow
and once you know that that is the
nature of being a human that that is the
beautiful gift of this life is to see
how much you can grow in whatever
direction you want towards whatever end
you want but the gift that you have been
given is the ability to
change so if you don't like who you are
today that's okay
it doesn't matter who you are today
it only matters who you want to become
and the price you're willing to pay to
get there
and once you understand that you can
always make a different choice and get a
different reaction and that's the power
in your life that's the power that you
have is no matter what's going on you
can choose to think differently believe
differently see differently
all of those things are a choice read
man's search for meaning by viktor
frankl
lost his whole family to the holocaust
was in i think five different
concentration camps
and he said the thing that people die of
in a concentration camp
is the loss of a why
and nietzsche said if you have a why you
can survive almost any how
because you can always change how you
think about something and when you
change how you think about it's what
we've been talking about all day when
you change how you think about it
you actually change the event
[Music]
we have to construct a narrative about
it
that moves us forward
and this is why i'm such a firm believer
that you should do
and believe
that which moves you towards your
goals people get the do part they
understand their actions should be
actions that take them towards what they
want to accomplish but people often miss
the most important part which is only to
believe things that move you towards
your goals
and i see people every day
that tell themselves the story about
themselves that they are worthless
that they're meaningless
that they're pointless
that their friends and family would be
better off if they just died
so we have to find a way to construct a
narrative about ourselves
that empowers us that lifts us up
even though
even though we make mistakes even though
we fall down even though
we're never going to get things right
all the time and even though terrible
things happen to us
or maybe we do terrible things
but in that
the erosion of the self
that's the danger the erosion of the
self that is the danger
and when i talk to people about the 80
20 principle 80 of the time you should
be focused on the things that you love
the beautiful things that you want to
bring to this world the beautiful things
that are already in the world
and 20 of the time you should be kicking
yourself in your ass and saying you can
do better
it's such a powerful idea
but the problem is when people get to
the 20
they forget that it's only supposed to
be 20 of the time and that it's meant to
be these acute moments where you're
pushing yourself to be more to do more
it isn't so you can tear yourself down
that's why
you have to do and believe that which
moves you towards your goals and if
thinking that you're a worthless piece
of [ __ ] moves you to your goals somehow
then fine do it but i can't literally
fathom a universe in which that would be
a logical way to move forward
so i'm gonna give you the magic words
that you need right now to never fall
prey to that
believing i'm worthless
does not serve me
and i don't do things that don't serve
me
repeat that in your head every time you
begin to disparage yourself
because here's the problem
you're going to believe it's true
you're going to believe that you really
are worthless that you've really done
something that makes you worthy of
punishment that means you ought to
suffer
and in that moment you're never going to
be able to convince yourself that that's
not true
so you need something else that's going
to get you off the hook and it has to be
that core belief system in your life a
belief system that you put in place when
you were emotionally sober and you said
to yourself i'm making a pledge i do and
believe that which moves me towards my
goals period
not when it's convenient
always and that becomes a guiding light
in my life if the guiding light in your
life
is that you only do and believe that
which moves you towards your goals
when you get into that loop of beating
yourself up and thinking that you're
worthless or that you're never gonna
make it
remember that
that belief does not serve you
and you don't do things that don't serve
you
i've often said
the point of life
the meaning of all this chasing you're
doing is one simple thing
how do you feel about yourself
when you're by yourself
i know a lot of people that fear
that quiet
i know a lot of people that don't want
to be alone with themselves
and the reason they don't want to be
alone with themselves
is because they don't
think
they're worthwhile
they're not happy with who they are
that's what adaptation is about
if you're not happy with who you are
then let's step into the ownership of
that let's remember that's our fault
there's no one else to blame for that
the people that did horrible things to
you are not to blame for that
because if they are there's nothing you
can do
but if you're the owner of that
in fact don't even worry about the word
blame you're in control that's what this
is about it's about retaining control
it's about knowing that you own your
life and at any time if you want a
different outcome you can make different
decisions you can do different things
you can start a new narrative
and once you begin that new narrative
you realize the power that's in that to
take you where you want to go
but it begins with identifying what is
your goal
once you have your goal then you can
work backwards to what you need to do in
order to accomplish that goal
and that
is the chasm of adaptation
the acquisition of skill set
it's getting better at something
it's becoming capable of something that
you weren't capable of before
but that change
the fear of the unknown
is the thing that paralyzes people
[Music]
we are designed to adapt
so wherever your business is now
whatever your skill set is
now whatever your vision of yourself is
now
you can change it
you can become anything you want to be
but life is going to ask you one simple
question
what price are you willing to pay to get
there
and that's it that's the hard truth if
you're willing to pay the price and you
can become whatever you want you can
become truly capable of the
extraordinary
but you've got to go through the process
of building that skill set you've got to
be willing to stare nakedly at your
inadequacies
to understand that you aren't yet the
person that you want to be or need to be
to execute against your goals but that
you can become that person and then
start walking down that path and day by
day brick by brick build the skill set
that you want the person that you are
has gotten you as far as it's ever going
to get you
so you've got to become a new person
you literally have to adapt now the
great news is like we talked in my first
talk that is what humans are wired to do
humans are the ultimate adaptation
machine the reason that we are the only
species that you can find in every
corner of the globe at one point james
cameron was literally at the bottom of
the marianas trench we have sent human
beings to the moon
we are going to send human beings to
mars
and the reason we're going to be able to
do that is we can adapt to our
surroundings
there was a woman who swam the bearing
straight
really think about this the bearing
straight is the space between russia and
alaska so you can imagine it's not quite
a swim in the bahamas
to make the swim
she had to change
her fat
from what's known as white adipose
tissue
to brown fat
brown fat is more thermogenic
so it actually kicks off heat
to do that for over a year she had to
expose herself routinely to cold
temperatures sleeping in the winters in
alaska with the window open
but in doing that she actually put her
body through an adaptation response her
body got the message adapt or die so it
adapted and when you're willing to put
yourself under those kinds of stresses
to become that new thing you want to
become to be the new person that you
want to be to go farther than anyone you
know has ever gone to be the [ __ ]
goat it is possible but it demands a
price
it demands a price
and what this weekend is about it's
about you deciding for yourself
where do you want to go
and what price are you willing to pay to
get there now if you guys have been
keeping up with brain science i am here
to tell you right now you can become
anyone you want now the process of
taking myself from scrounging my couch
cushions to find enough change to put
gas in my car
to building a billion dollar business
was all about building a set of beliefs
now i believe
that the matrix has us all
i don't actually think we live in a
simulation but i think the movie the
matrix is the perfect metaphor for the
human experience we have all pulled a
web of lies over our own eyes and the
web of lies is what you tell yourself
about what's possible for you and for
the world
and once you
get that web of lies over your eyes you
simply see it as reality and you don't
understand that each one of those
fundamental beliefs is alterable that
you could choose to believe something
else in fact you don't even realize that
they are beliefs
einstein has a quote it's one of the
most important quotes in my life
the most important question
any man must decide for himself is
whether or not he lives in a friendly or
hostile universe
now what i love about that quote so it's
hiding in it is that it's a decision
you get to choose
whether you're living in a friendly or a
hostile universe
there's no objective reality
it just is what it is you're gonna get
what you see you're gonna get what you
focus on
and you see what you focus on so the
more you focus on the world works
against me i've got bad luck the more
you're going to see proof of that you're
going to seek it out you're going to act
in accordance with that belief if on the
other hand you believe the human
potential is nearly limitless that the
human animal is by its very nature
the ultimate adaptation machine
think about this for a second
humans are
the apex predator
unlike anything else the world has ever
seen
we can live in any corner of the globe
from the arctic
to the deserts
at one point james cameron was literally
at the bottom of the marianas trench
which is the deepest part of the ocean
humans can not only get there they can
thrive
now nature had to make a decision with
every animal
do we
create something
that comes pre-programmed think of a
horse when a horse is born it can
already run jump walk eat
a human on the other hand
takes the opposite approach where
nothing is pre-programmed but now you
can go in any direction
when humans are born we can't hold our
own head up this is something that
really freaks me out
humans are so incapable of taking care
of themselves you could literally lay an
infant next to a bottle and it would
still starve to death
we can't hold our own head up we poo in
our diapers we are literally
in need of constant care for years of
our lives now this comes with a benefit
which is that we can adapt in any
direction that we want and the most
beautiful part of this is it never
stops even as you get older you can
decide that you want to go in a
different direction you can change the
course of where you're headed
and so in this role that i found myself
as budding entrepreneur i set out to
learn everything that i could
to understand what is my goal and then
to work my way backwards
one of the most profound things that
ever happened to me
and if you guys haven't read the book
anti-fragile by naseem teleb do
in that book he lays out the difference
between something that is resilient
and something that is truly anti-fragile
i'm gonna say somebody that's
unstoppable is truly anti-fragile and
what anti-fragile is
the more you attack it the stronger it
gets so something that is resilient or
tough it is still defined by its
breaking point the more you go after it
eventually it will break something
that's anti-fragile grows with that
and i believe each and every one of us
can build a mindset that is truly
anti-fragile there is only one thing
that i have found that is actually
anti-fragile and it looks like this
i was there with my partners they
routinely made me feel stupid all the
time they were older than me they were
more than 10 years ahead of me on their
entrepreneurial journey
and so i was just wrong all the time now
up to that point in my life i actually
called myself the king of remedial jobs
up until then i'd only gone for jobs
where i knew i'd be smarter than the
person interviewing me i knew that at
some point during the interview they
were going to ask that magical question
which made me feel so good about myself
which was why are you here
why are you interviewing for this job
and i lived for that because it made me
feel smart
so here i am now not in that world
anymore i'm with guys who are way ahead
of me they're way smarter than me and i
feel dumb all the time and one day i
find myself arguing for this
path in our business because it was my
idea
and i knew it was wrong that was a
hilarious thing i knew it was wrong and
yet i was arguing for it like really
passionately and then all of a sudden it
actually worked
and they agreed to do it and i thought
oh [ __ ]
now what
i've been telling my wife that i'm gonna
make her rich and here i am arguing for
something that just makes me feel good
about myself and i had this moment of
crisis
and i asked myself
no judgment
what do you really want
because if what you really want is to
feel good about yourself to feel smart
to be right to be worthy
if those are the things that you want
then get out of this company
because you're wrong often you're making
mistakes all the time and your partners
are so far ahead of you that they make
you feel stupid
so this is like that doesn't make any
sense so if you
want to just go feel good go back to
being the king of remedial jobs be in
places where you're always feeling smart
where you're usually right
and live that life
but if on the other hand
what you really want is to actually
reach your goals
then you're going to have to stop
worrying about feeling good about
yourself
and both of those felt flawed
everybody needs to feel good about
themselves
that that's just the reality of being a
human you've got to find a way to feel
good about yourself
but i really believe
everything you do in life should be in
service of your goals
[Music]
and now in this moment
where i'm hoping the people that are
left here right now
are the die hard [ __ ] that are
going to make change no matter what
i want some people to step forward
and i want you to tell me what you're
afraid of
i want to know why
you don't think you're going to make it
we have a brave soul
let's hear it
yeah give it up for that
[Applause]
i'm afraid of getting to the end of my
life
and realizing that i did not
become the best version of myself
knowing that i got to the very end of my
life
and i did not accomplish every single
thing i know i believe in my heart that
i deserve to have
and i know the only thing that's
stopping me
is myself
i love that
i think that's the right fear and i
think all of us should have some form of
that fear
which if you didn't hear
is to have a vision of the person you
could become
and to reach the pearly gates as it were
see who you could have been contrast it
with who you actually are and be
disappointed by the gap between them
and i love chasing that i think it's a
beautiful chase
but what i hope you guys will do if you
ever find yourself at the pearly gates
disappointed in how much farther you
could have gone
to simply ask one question of yourself
every day
did i give it my all today
doesn't mean you're always going to win
yeah
if your life is a series of
[ __ ] yes i did
you've won
you've won guys the struggle is
guaranteed the struggle is guaranteed
the struggle is guaranteed
the success is not
and like the thing that i beg you guys
is to have the guts
to fail at something that you love
and when you were on the mud on your
face and people are laughing
the i told you so's are coming out
that you remember one simple fact you
loved what you were doing
and you left it out on the field
what the [ __ ] else is there
legitimately like i'm getting emotional
what the [ __ ] else is there what more
can you ask of yourself than to really
[ __ ] try to really say i give a [ __ ]
about this
that's the life to live that's the life
like to say i care about this it matters
it gives me purpose i'm going to fight
for this this is a group of people i
want to serve
and i'm going to go all the way out
every day and look you're not going to
hit it every day there's going to be
days where you're off there's going to
be days where you're weak
weak
but if that day instead of bullshitting
yourself instead of saying i wasn't weak
today what are you talking about if that
day you [ __ ] own it and you say yeah
it was week today and i'm not going to
be weak tomorrow but i'm not afraid to
face that i'm not afraid to accept that
i'm not perfect i'm not afraid to look
in the mirror and say today was a bad
day that i didn't make myself proud
today but that shouldn't diminish who
you are i shouldn't diminish your view
of yourself why because i wouldn't serve
you
because if you beat yourself up today
you make it harder for you to be rad
tomorrow
it's a game that has to be seen in total
it's not a game where you can take a
[ __ ] snapshot and this is like what i
want you guys to understand in any one
moment i've looked like a fool so many
[ __ ] times i can't count
but when i look at my life in ten year
chunks i'm freaked out by what i've
accomplished
and so i want you above all
to focus on truth so that somebody they
may walk out of your clinic they may
never come back because you either
solved their problem or you weren't
going to be able to solve their problem
you knew that and so you sent them
elsewhere
but that person becomes a referral if
you're taking notes write this down
never
go for the sale
always go for the referral
never go for the sale always go for the
referral
when that person believes in you
they trust you
you had a moment to monetize them to get
the quick dollar and you didn't
that person now wants to give you money
it's literally incredible and i can't
like i'll i'll give you guys an example
so
i
create content now i create a lot of
content i put about
five to seven hours depending on the
week of content out every week
and i don't monetize it i don't charge
anything for it and i know people are
waiting for the other shoe to drop and
at the end of this you're waiting for me
to hit you up with something anything to
buy for me there's
nothing i want to add value
now my full disclosure is one day i may
have an ask because i create
my new thing is creating movies and so
maybe one day i just want you to tell
people that the movie exists i don't
even need you to go see it but if i've
ever added value to your life just tell
somebody it exists so that i can find my
audience
i'm not joking
i have had people show up at the gate to
my house saying i just want to work for
you for free
because i dig what you're doing
three or four people have come up to me
in the back already just since i was
here and saying thank you for what you
do
that's it
thank you for what you do
imagine that but that's the world we
live in that's the opportunity that you
have is to just play the long game and i
don't believe in patience in fact i have
a shirt that says f patience i am not a
patient man i am the least patient
person you are ever going to meet i am
actively anti-patients because you will
accomplish nothing in your life if
you're patient
nothing and anybody that tells you to be
patient i want you to be immediately
skeptical
but what i always do
is i play the long game
i play the game of reputation
that's what you guys have to do you're
in a battle for your reputation
and i would say the thing you guys need
to do is turn inward and not tolerate it
you