Kind: captions
Language: en
so when i was a kid on his come up like
i'm [ __ ] broke life sucks like my
family ain't [ __ ] blah blah blah people
were like yeah yeah and then now my [ __ ]
has changed it's like i
i have to juggle millions of dollars in
personal relationships can people just
want the young hungry version of me from
10 years ago and da da da and i write
this out because it's what i'm going
through for me it was never about that
it was always about
explaining and expressing my emotions so
that i could deal with it
[Music]
bobby hall aka logic joining us today
welcome man
what's up
dude i am super excited to be
interviewing you i read your book this
bright future uh your memoir it was
startling i had no idea what your
history was like so i knew your music
didn't know how much of your music was
autobiographical and how much was sort
of persona generated so reading the book
was quite the eye-opening experience
the real thing that i want to start with
is identity and how we're created really
by three things our genetics which
you've certainly had an interesting uh
road there in terms of public reaction
uh
the family that we grow up in which the
book was revelatory in terms of what
your childhood was like and then
ultimately the the story that we tell
ourselves about who we are and there
you've got bobby hall you've also got
your alter ego
of logic and then you know you've got
other sort of sub egos under that that
you've wrapped from the perspective of
as well
and so i'm just curious
in the light of the memoir how do you
think about how you became the person
that you are and what the alter ego was
meant to do for you in your life
um
what a great question
uh i really and i also really appreciate
you actually reading it because you know
you do some everything
yes this is great oh yeah and then
somebody telling them what
half of what went on um
uh okay so yes
having you know parents addicted to
drugs and alcohol and witnessing abuse
and death and
crazy stuff
you would think i would
go down that path i would wind up like
uh like my parents had which is sad and
unfortunate really right and
i think i and i vote well i know it's
got to be in the book because i i
there's no way i would write it without
putting it in there but i think god and
common sense first and foremost
and whatever god even is you know what i
mean like i respect religion and
people's religion and but i don't know
but i'd like to think there's a
something bigger not necessarily sky dad
just like a white dude on a cloud but
anyway
um
so i think it's i think yes just this
just common sense of like oh let's not
shoot up heroin hey let's not smoke
crack in front of our children or
you know
let's not put a gun in this 11 year old
kid's hand
just literal little things like little
things but little things like that that
i look back on
and i just was like this isn't right
there was some weird voice in my head
and it was like don't do this thing
and i think that
matched with
my
my wanting to escape
and then trying to find okay how can i
escape and the first real escape from
that was obviously television
entertainment things that i love anime
um
but the real escape
while healing at the same time was music
because
you know it's not i've never just been a
rapper that's like yeah [ __ ] and hoes
and this and that you know like i'm just
it's just not who i am
um
so for me
i could take my music
and write
about my dad smoking crack or write
about my mom's bipolar and borderline
schizophrenia write about my abuse write
about my anxiety and and that was a big
one you know because like it's a little
cooler nowadays to be like yeah man i've
you know i got anxiety man like it's
when i was coming up in hip-hop even
just in these last five years it was not
cool i would get made fun of for talking
about my emotions and my feelings am i
this am i that but i could
you know give a damn for me it was
always first and foremost uh
something that i put in place to be able
to express myself
so that i wouldn't put a bullet in my
head to keep to be frank with you you
know what i mean um
so i i yeah common sense sorry for the
long-winded answer uh i think a bit of
god common sense and then utilizing this
uh alter ego
to
vocalize it
and in doing so it was extremely
therapeutic
do you remember when you first started
thinking about identity did you ever
think about it was it conscious did it
just happen
because certainly in the book you talk a
lot about you know there's this moment
where you begin to realize like you said
that this stuff is [ __ ] up and that
you don't want to go down that path but
i'm curious
you know when so
before i do an interview i always start
just journaling about what i found
interesting and what
you know you start with an emotion right
so reading your book gave me an
extraordinarily strong emotion and i
highly encourage people to read it i
maybe your um
[Music]
the intimate fans will have known a lot
of this stuff but it was really a
surprise to me
and uh so you step back and you try to
put words to
what it is that
that feeling is and so i started
thinking about you really are this
fascinating collision of all the
different ways that we make up our
identity
and
was there a moment where you became
aware of that like that you needed to
take control of that narrative
or did it just god and common sense and
that's how we ended up here
if you want to talk about real control
of like a narrative
of my life i i know
you don't necessarily maybe you didn't
mean it exactly like this but for me
at 31
only now do i feel like i'm actually
taking a control of the narrative of
bobby hall or logic or or my public
perception or whatever the hell that
means i
because i've actually decided to uh
write about it completely unfiltered you
know what i mean i mean there's even a a
a section
of the book where i discuss uh my joel
moment
eternal sunshine of a spotless mind
where he killed a bird with an
interaction that i had with a mentally
uh challenged child and i was young as
well
and uh
i didn't you know i used different words
because back then we used different
words and i think
for me
being able to get
all of this out
um is the first time
in my life where i don't feel like i'm
constantly fighting
to prove my identity to anybody else
because
one there was it wasn't really there was
no uh there was nobody on the other on
the receiving end do you know what i
mean so i'm sitting here and i'm writing
this book and i'm like this is the truth
this is my truth this is what i went
through this is what it is
in music
and and my come up as a musician it was
always
you know hey guys like i'm a rapper no
you're not what do you mean you're white
oh well
i'm not white my dad's black and my mind
then it always goes into this thing
about race and then it goes into having
to prove my identity or
blackness or lack thereof or this or
that or whatever the case may be
so it wasn't until
that i hope i'm answering your question
but uh it wasn't until this
project
you know this memoir
that i felt uh
this is my identity
and there's nobody really there to to
tell me that it's not there will be
you know once it comes out it comes out
yeah
yeah but i mean the coolest part is is
like
it's just different i don't know how to
explain it it's the first time in my
life where i just don't feel like i have
to
and also it's like i'm 31 i know i'm
young but i'm older i'm not a 22 year
old kid trying to make it in rap and hip
hop and gossip and this and all this
other stuff it's just like hey man like
if you like take it or leave it like
you might not have to you don't have to
like it but it's it's true
and i hate that so much of it is that it
is true everything i went through the
state of the world race relations like
it all sucks but
rather than run uh i chose to talk about
it and finally get everything off my
chest especially about people in my life
who had a lot to do with my identity and
my upbringing
who may not like
how they are described
um in this book but at the end of the
day it's like i didn't do it from a
place of malice anger
i just was telling the truth
and it was all very awesome and and i'm
very glad that i did it i was going to
ask was the book is the act of writing
this stuff cathartic in some way
um for sure so i actually had a partner
a collaborator who helped me
piece it together you know what i mean
so it's like i'd be writing and working
on this thing and
going over it and
it was kind of cool to have a person
there
um
to bounce these things off and then find
out the placement of it because
you know when i'm writing and i'm going
through all this i'm not really going
from the beginning to the end it's kind
of like oh here's a crazy moment in my
life where my mom got stabbed here's a
crazy moment where my sister was
sexually assaulted in the bed next to me
when i was a child
here's like you know what i mean like
the craziest stuff
and then putting it together with all
also like
um you know i don't know
just
smoking weed for the first time like
just trying to figure out how to do that
and then and then
um put it together and in doing so yes
it was
it was one it was one of the most
beautiful things i've ever experienced
um
because
you know my dad and all the abuse i'd
gone through um there was for sure
anger it's not like it was when i was
young when you're all young and pissed
off and just like whatever but there was
still like man how could you do this
like i look at my son my baby my little
bobby
and i could never leave him alone in a
car for five hours while i go smoke
crack i could never
look him in the eyes and tell him
that he's not my son
because i'm smoking crack and he doesn't
want to be around that like it's just
the craziest stuff
but it wasn't anger it was more like
i mean it was first and foremost
forgiveness being able to write this it
was like
i've forgiven my mom for the things that
she said to me
and my dad and
all of these people in my life
but living it through it in incredible
detail again
uh
it gave me a piece i i've never felt
before yeah
it's that's actually really interesting
to hear so
there's a lot of different research
around
okay so how do we process through trauma
and there are schools of thought that
are like hey you need to write this out
and you're finally able to go through
the actual business of processing it
other people are like no no now you're
reliving it you're re-cementing it you
might even be because the way that the
brain works actually pretty fascinating
the brain when it pulls forth a memory
it takes it into working memory it will
adjust it and then restore it back in
long-term memory so you can actually
change
the shape of a memory over time which is
pretty powerful
uh
wow but then you also have think oh dude
it's it's purely insane and then when
you look at things like the mechanism of
sleep a big part of why we sleep is to
strip a memory of its emotional
resonance but people with ptsd their
cortisol levels remain elevated while
they sleep so as they relive this trauma
it never removes the emotional impact
and so
that's where you get into things like
mdma therapy and psychedelic therapy
where you're able to like completely
recontextualize that memory in a totally
different neurological state it's pretty
fascinating so so that you will then in
turn feel differently emotionally
yeah so like kind of taking that pain
away
yes one thing you one thing you talk
about the book that i think is
particularly relevant to mdma treatment
is so the idea with um a lot of the
things you talk about in the book or
you know hey i would
be at home and i would get these panic
attacks if i went out which is weird
because like my mom is part of the
problem and but yet being away from her
was all i knew so i'd get panicky but
then when i was living in a house with
people that made me feel safe i didn't
have any of those problems and part of
the hypothesis around mdma treatment is
that you're calling forth a traumatic
memory
while you're awash in serotonin because
basically serotonin which makes you feel
good and safe and like everything's okay
love connection all of that causes these
massive spikes in serotonin so you
relive this traumatic memory in this
connected loving sort of whole
neurochemical state and because of the
way memory storage works you're now
putting it back into long-term memory
with this new sort of feeling of
wholeness and safety and all of this
which is
absolutely fascinating and gets into my
obsession with your story and this idea
of we construct ourselves
somewhat our environment constructs us
our
genetics construct us right we're not
born blank slates
we aren't just the product of our
environment and there's this third
element around storytelling and for
those who don't know like you're it's uh
you people need to read the [ __ ] book
so first of all like you don't you don't
do anything to make yourself sound cool
so
in the end
you're able to as the reader look back
on what you've accomplished and just be
like god damn like even stripping all
the bravado away from it it's
amazing so one you've obviously got to
come up as a rapper but you're a number
one new york times best-selling author
of a [ __ ] novel
you've sold out madison square garden
platinum selling artists i mean it's
really it's really pretty extraordinary
and to me the whole time you've been
playing with the sense of who am i how
do i present myself to the world how do
i present myself to myself
and now in the memoir in the way that
you wrap everything up and present it
it's
it's really pretty breathtaking in terms
of
your ability to
say it from a place of forgiveness uh
well god damn
i never
thought of myself that way it was real
it's just really weird i never thought
like oh yeah platinum selenar's master
square guard and you know blah blah i
just i never thought about that and i
also think a big part of that which i do
discuss in the book is the fact that no
matter what i do it's always never good
enough in the eyes of not necessarily
just hip-hop but entertainment in
general you know what i mean it's not
good enough you're gonna okay you got
you know you got a couple of followers
on twitter but you can't do a show and
then you do a show okay yeah 50 people
showed up but 500 people didn't then 500
people show up and then 5 000 people and
then 25 000 people and then it's like
okay yeah but you ain't got you ain't
got no album you know it's okay but the
album's not platinum okay and that that
starts to ingrain into your head and
it's not just the just music i mean it's
life right it's like okay you have no
high school diploma and then you get
high school yeah but you didn't go to
college and you go to college yeah but
you don't have your masters and you get
your master's and then before you know
it you're [ __ ] like 80 years old and
you didn't
live your life you know what i mean
and i think um
i think i'm really lucky to have
discovered that
at a young age you know because 31 is
young
but
i i my life is a lot just slower now
because i've been able to look back
while creating this book
and realized that basically the goals i
had as a young man and a musician and a
creative person were [ __ ] so like
even though they were real
sorry i keep cussing anyway
uh even even though okay [ __ ] yeah so
look even though they were real
uh and they make sense you know like
okay i want to put out an album i want
to sell a certain amount my first week
or do this or do that it was just this
hamster wheel that never stopped um and
i think
i i just feel like that's very unhealthy
i never once patted myself on the back
or said good job but that's also because
i was constantly being berated online
and this was like the revolution of the
internet you know i came up in a place
where
like a year before if you didn't have a
record deal and weren't britney spears
and on mtv like there's no way you were
making it and then it was me and a few
you know amazing people mac miller j
cole kendrick lamar utilizing the
internet and going oh we don't need them
all we have to do is say hey world here
we are look at check us out by being on
twitter and instagram and in youtube and
doing things and utilizing it ourself
but when you're doing that
you're then opening
your whole world up to
the you know youtube comments and
other people who are trying to say what
they would do if they were you and it
can just it's very berating you know
it's like
extremely difficult to hear thousands of
people tell you that you suck
while you're doing
amazing and the analytics are there and
the numbers are there to prove that
every song every album every this is
getting better and better and better
and i think
in a way it's kind of like a correlation
to my life personally growing up you
know i would i was like i don't really
want to shoot this gun and then my
friends are like oh you're a [ __ ] like
you know what i mean and it's like no i
i don't think i want to sell crack to my
dad like my brothers did and people are
like man like it's just a really
it's a really crazy thing um but i'm
happy that i'm here i hope i don't sound
like i'm all over the place right now
it's it's just a weird thing i when i'm
again i'm sorry to cut you off but when
i make an album it's like this is what
the album was this is what it was like
to produce it this is what but to talk
about my life
it's a weird it's very overwhelming
sorry
no i think it's uh it's really important
that you put the book out so
obviously one of your biggest most
acclaimed songs the 1 800 song about you
know feeling suicidal and
the number of people that i'm sure that
that helped and that came up to you and
said hey because of your music
you know i hung on and i think after
reading your book
it's
i think it's going to open the minds of
however many people i don't know but the
people for whom it will open a window
into what you can become despite where
you've started
is
going to be really extraordinary
reading the book dude it's it's
literally one it's well written
and two it's a litany of
just unrelenting punishment and
dysfunction and
uh yeah i mean it was really crazy to
hear the kind of things you went through
so for you to be able to open it open up
to that to talk about it to come on to
interview to not posture to really just
lay it out and say but at the same time
i had a goal i built a family of people
that i collected along the way and there
there's a moment in the book that i
think is really really important and
that's where you go from being a kid and
not feeling like you controlled anything
in your life
feeling like you're sort of you know
battered about by the ways of life and
then it starts in a dark moment where
you stand up to your mom
but then from there it becomes
you putting a team together realizing
that this thing that you were doing
online and in forums of like i think it
was was it rap battles written where you
were just like typing things out and
yeah you were realizing you could build
something
yeah it's a i think the thing for me is
i never realized that i was doing it
i didn't realize that it was happening i
didn't realize that i was building a
family you know
i never had a family i mean i did but i
i didn't i didn't have
even anything close to a traditional
family so
um while you know feeling like annie
waiting for the sun to come out tomorrow
like i was just started rapping
and
even while rapping i was still
surrounded by negativity and violence
and
all these things
but slowly little by little you
meet one person you know who's
not really about anything going on in my
world and negativity and drugs and
whatever the case may be
and i was like wow this person gets me
and i love where this person is and
that's like a producer like my boy six
and
uh you know then you find someone else
who also has a dream to be a giant movie
director one day but they're just a guy
with a canon camera in their hand and
that that was you know gravity who was
making all my videos on my come up for
free and so on and so forth i meet lenny
who's my my best friend and my brother
who ended up giving me my my rap name
and you kind of don't realize it and
then you just wake up one day and you're
surrounded by 20 people
whether it's the people on your tour and
your assistant and you're this and
you're that
and
it's you know there's there was days
when i'd kind of look in the mirror and
i'd be like you know everyone is in my
pocket though so like do these people
really love me you know but it's like of
course they do like we we
it's a system that doesn't work without
each other like i could i never looked
at myself and was like oh i'm the star
man like blah blah blah like
no if i'm acting like a douche well this
producer
buddy of mine he's just gonna go make
beats for someone else and this
videographer will make videos for
someone else so it was never that we
never none of us ever had that mentality
it was about all utilizing our own
talents
um
because if i make it they make it
and
if we all make it then we we did it uh
so it's it was it's just a very weird
thing
to have woken up one day
not uh surrounded by a new group of
people that are the complete opposite of
every single person that i grew up with
and that's no slight to those people
that i grew up with and i make that very
clear in this book but uh
yeah
one of the lines that you said in the
book that i thought is it captures
that come up so well is you were talking
about the people you were just saying
that you had gathered around you and
everybody had their role and you said
you know we were all working so hard
because none of us wanted to be the one
that let everybody else down
and i just thought man that that goes
back to that that so you see all these
movies you know a star is born whatever
about these people that are on the come
up and you realize and this is the same
in in business where
the the time that you will look back on
the most fondly is when you're coming up
and you think like oh my god we might
actually make it but before it gets big
that [ __ ] moment is so magical and
i'm always telling the people on my team
like you have to enjoy each phase for
what it has to offer because every phase
is fun like when lisa and i my wife were
broke and clipping coupons and like
tracking blockbuster rentals like who's
299 was this you know what i mean like
that's going on somebody's list
and
you know those moments when you're in
them it's you can get lost in it's hard
you can get lost in like yo i'm worried
about paying my bills but then
when you start to get successful some
part of your brain is like that was rad
like she believed in me and we were
together and like we fought this fight
together and so
i got to a point in my life where i
could realize while it was happening i
don't love xyz part of it
but i want to focus on the parts that
when i know i'm looking back on this i'm
going to remember it so that i can
actually live it and enjoy it
and
one seeing you talk about that kind of
stuff in the book those transitional
moments that become like these really
beautiful things
and now as you're putting the book out
you're in that next transitional moment
i mean you're
i assume you're far too creative uh
whether it's writing whether it's
filmmaking whether it's music or
whatever that you're gonna keep
producing stuff
how do you think about that now
i love this question man
this is good [ __ ]
um
that is exactly where i am okay so when
i was in the basement like i'll never
forget going to my best friend lenny
who had only known for like maybe two
years
and
not having a place to live and him
letting me live with him right so he's
letting me live with him in his basement
and it's like mom's upstairs and
he's just an amazing guy and it's like i
should have a job i'm like 21 like i
should be paying rent i should be this
but i had this conversation with him
where i was like look man like if you
just give me one year dude
i know this sounds crazy but if you give
me one year and in that year he clothed
me fed me he took care of me like he
made sure i
had soap to wash my ass like this dude
like literally took care of me and
almost a year to the day i signed a
major label deal with def jam and uh he
quit his job as a land surveyor for 12
years and we moved to la la land and it
was like
incredible
but every day was terrifying
because it's like hey man just give me a
year and it's like for me those days
we're going so quick and
i hated it
in the moment but i loved it at the same
time and what i mean is like i hated
that
i don't know one of my songs didn't just
blow up immediately i hated that
it felt like forever i hated that it
felt like it wouldn't happen that it
felt like it could happen at any moment
but it was actually happening very
slowly it was a slow burn you know it's
a marathon but every young person wants
to sprint you know i mean speaking of la
la land i mean wasn't that director like
19 or something when he made that movie
like we all want that you know
and um
as i got older and as things were
happening
and i don't want to get too you know
dive too deep but it's like
every goal i would attain
i was then on to the next one so because
i was just on to the next goal
uh while working on that thing so for
example get a record deal boom i got a
record deal so now the next goal is
release an album okay so then i'm
thinking i'm working on the album and i
know that i'm going to release that
album but then after that i have to do a
successful tour so then i'm thinking
about i'm thinking like three goals
ahead and in all of it i am ignoring
everything in front of me i'm ignoring
the beautiful quality time that i'm
spending with my friends in a studio i'm
ignoring the fact that i was damn near
agoraphobic and scared of the world and
scared to go outside out of fear of
a million and one things that could
happen to me or the people i love and
here i am just a few years later
traveling and eating in the eiffel tower
and like
but i'm not thinking about it
so
in present day
um i finally have made this leap as an
actor and a writer um and uh long story
short i'm actually writing a film right
now that i'm gonna i'm gonna star in and
i'm gonna
fund it i'm gonna do it myself and
everyone's like you're crazy and i'm
like [ __ ] you kevin smith [ __ ] i'm
about to kill this so um
but it is scary to do it and um recently
um by now i think that all the episodes
will be out for a show called mr corman
on apple tv starring joseph gordon
levitt
and
i don't know how i did but somehow me
and him became friends and
we've been friends for a few years and
long story short i had an opportunity to
audition for this crazy character
that an entire episode is about and it
is the first thing i'd ever done as an
actor and he was the first one to
actually believe in me that i could that
i could do this
and i'm on set
and i'm freaking out and i'm talking to
my buddy mike mike holland he's my
producer at uh bobby boy productions
shout out mike
and
mike is like my six my producer back in
the day only now here i am then i was 30
on this show
doing something i've only ever dreamed
of doing
and i found myself saying slow down
because i'm talking to mike like dude we
got to do a movie and i need more roles
and blah blah blah and then i was like
wait a second i'm on a [ __ ] movie set
right now like i stopped myself and was
like dude like i was going i was running
these lines and committing them to
memory when my wife was in labor like
she just needed a distraction from the
pain and i'm like
talking about chili pepper songs it's
like you know this dialogue and stuff
like that and it was one of the most
surreal moments
because i realized what i had stripped
from myself of being present and in the
moment
and enjoying the ride even though i was
terrified because i was dirt broke in
lenny's basement
i could now in another form like you had
said another form of creativity another
a chapter of my life i could actually
enjoy it
that is really interesting so
going on to
coping mechanisms we'll call it so i'm
curious to know i had a guy on the show
that i interviewed that had been just
sexually abused in in ways too horrific
to even catalog wow and
he now teaches people how to construct
and alter ego and in the book you talk
about batman you say bruce wayne's just
bruce wayne but batman like gets to beat
the joker's ass or whatever you said and
you know in some ways logic had become
that alter ego for you so that you could
overcome some of this stuff and get out
and and do
uh the things you do i mean to to
perform in front of that many people i
imagine when you're you know two days
ago you're agoraphobic is it's a pretty
big bridge to cross so
uh
an utterly fascinating coping mechanism
that i think has some scientific
validity to it
now as you go into acting as you're
writing the book do you have a new
coping mechanism or do you use similar
things where it's like because i
remember when i was really afraid to
public speak i would do what i call
pushing my no way no [ __ ] way i'm
sorry to interrupt you
you
had a problem with public speaking i
don't i mean i know i used to be
crippled by anxiety crippled wow so yeah
yeah we we all have our stories uh so
do you
use a coping mechanism now or have you
just integrated this all so well that
you're very attuned to calming yourself
down
oh no i'm a [ __ ] wreck
like
you know i i
honestly i i haven't spoken too much
about this but i just found out recently
i have cervical dystonia do you know
what this is
i've only heard about it through you
okay oh wow well yeah so it's a it's a
neurological disorder
which basically either can cause a
person's uh head
to turn in one direction and it's kind
of stuck in that direction unless they
use like a sensory tick and for me um i
have a a tremor a head tremor and it
goes into no motion and i cannot control
it
and it causes me a lot of pain
so i know this
i guess for me
when it comes to these endeavors of
acting and writing scripts and all this
stuff
um
the alter ego is
the character right so it's like
i'm writing a character
so
it's never really me right you know
maybe somebody could say talk about my
performance or whether it was good or
bad or this or that personally bobby
hall's performance but when i'm creating
it's
always as that so even when i'm writing
right i am pretending in my head that i
am these characters you know if i'm
writing from the perspective of a woman
well i don't go okay well what would a
woman say no i go what would a [ __ ]
human being say you know
a bad ass chick what would she say she's
just a person
and the thing that rips me from this
the fear that i have
is that
i can't control my head from shaking and
so for the last two years
i haven't written anything
i haven't really sat sat down i mean
with the exception of this book um
and sat at a table the way that i like
to sit at a table normally without my
head doing this which is shaking back
and forth which causes me extreme
emotional pain
which also stems from the fact that when
i was a young boy i would see
the elderly shaking and it [ __ ]
freaked me out it scared me so bad and
then now i'm dealing with this thing
um
i think it's crazy that
you know
as we're having a conversation and
you're talking to me i'm doing
everything that i can to listen to you
while also wondering are your viewers
watching my head shake and wondering why
are they do they think i'm nervous do
they think i'm weird is it weird that
i'm sitting on a couch at a certain
angle and turning my head while trying
to hold this and put my arm back here to
look as normal as this is the [ __ ] in my
head
and i wish all i had to worry about
was
the creative aspect of it now here's the
funny part
there's always going to be some [ __ ]
back in the basement i was broke with my
mom you know and what i was going
through i was on welfare and food stamps
and
you know my stepdad slitting his
achilles heel open and bleeding
profusely all over the
the
kitchen floor while my mom was hauled
off by the by the cops or when she was
in a psych ward and i was all alone with
my sisters there's always something
and so
part of the reason that i bring this up
is to say
uh
i don't know i mean i know it's a little
odd but just to say
like there's always going to be
something in our lives there's always
going to be something that isn't right
but we can't let it stop us from doing
what we love
and um if anything no i don't think i i
need a character for me in a sense to
write that flows
but the
antagonist is for sure this physical
ailment that i've been dealing with
yeah that uh i know the way that things
like that can drip on your mind where
in fact that was
when i used to get before i had real
anxiety when i used to just get sort of
average every day nervous i remember
thinking the only thing i'm actually
nervous about is that someone will hear
that quaver in my voice ah yeah i was
like if there was no external thing that
people could pick up on i would never
worry about it but it is only the fact
that then people are going to you know
like you said are they paying attention
to my voice can they hear that i'm
really freaked out right now um so i
definitely get that and that really does
then it takes some
significant portion of your attention
and your brain is on that uh instead of
whatever it is you're trying to do
as you think about that so obviously one
of the mechanisms you have is just to
talk about it and be honest about it
which i think is really really smart um
what's already taken so much off of
of even just saying that in this
particular interview you know that you
have to move forward you've got a
passion for acting you're not going to
let it stop you so do you have a
strategy for dealing with that
um neurological disorders there's not
really a lot of medical advancement
because it's it so much of it is
non-life-threatening right so because of
that
modern medicine and
science and everything is more focused
on like carrying cancer and all these
things which makes sense um the only
real thing
that's and i've tried physical therapy
and i will continue to try it uh but is
botox injections which is hilarious
because
you know i'm not a kardashian that's a
joke anyway so what i'm saying is like
botox was actually created
for dystonia which i didn't realize to
uh
to aid in pain it also helps with
migraines but what it does is it weakens
the muscle so i'll have a young ass
looking neck that's another bad joke but
uh it's actually deep it's much you know
deeper than the surface to weaken the
muscle to stop it from contracting
because you have these two muscles that
are just doing this because they're
fighting each other like here but if you
slightly pull that
then it it'll stop
my fear um and it's so funny that we're
even talking about this right now but my
fear is
actually being on screen so it's even
when i look back on
the mr corman shoot that i did nobody
knew what was going on in in my head
no pun intended but
i was thinking about it constantly where
all these other actors could just be
normal nervous and
you know
be worried about forgetting their lines
or flubbing you know whatever the case
may be
i wasn't thinking about any of that [ __ ]
like you know this guy's in front of me
and he's running a line and i know it
because i am a sick bastard and go to
sleep wake up shower go on a run and i'm
constantly going over these lines
because it's that important to me
but really all i'm thinking about is
what is the best position
to look at this gentleman in front of me
so that i don't shake or how can i do a
um like this kind of neurological trick
to trick my brain by touching the side
of my face but then further still how
can i do that and make it seem as though
my character is just doing that
naturally while having a conversation
this is the [ __ ] that scares me man
because i think about the fact that i
want to star in this movie that i'm
writing and i'm like
purposefully not trying to to write like
stairs ahead
intensely like you know what i mean so
that my head doesn't shake and it's
crazy and i know it's it's kind of a
first world problem at this point but i
guess
uh you know i think the reason we're
talking about it right now is because
yeah so many people have underlining
things that they deal with personally
that
nobody else would know and it's torture
man it scares me it scares me what if
i've given this to my son what if it
becomes extremely debilitating and i
become a burden to my my wife and my
family but at the same time
yolo i have to focus on the present i
have to look back on what i wish i could
have been focusing on in the basement
what i have right now is my health i am
able to sit
and have a conversation and most people
don't really notice it and i will be
damned if i allow it to stop me
from writing or doing these things just
because it's like someone's poking you
24 7.
you got to live with it adaptation it's
one of our you know mankind's greatest
features i believe so that's where i'm
at with it
it's going to be really interesting to
watch you i feel like one of the things
there's a subset of artists that um
and i while i
i'll put myself in this basket though
the way that i address it is more
through business than artistry but
um because i feel like i've learned
everything the hard way in my life i
feel the sense of like yo you can
actually solve these problems and so i
want to help other people learn easily
what took me great pains to learn
and so watching you watching the
transition seeing how one seeing how
good you got at rap which is really
quite extraordinary watching you deal
with all the criticism around race and
all of that and now watching you
transition into writing which of course
everybody told you wouldn't be able to
do it so it's like you know watching all
these transitions and now you know
obviously i wouldn't wish upon you that
it's more difficult for you than the
next person but as somebody who's
already established themselves as
somebody that is of tremendous use to
other people because you're willing to
talk about it because you you know have
created all these strategies for dealing
with things uh yeah it'll be interesting
to watch how you continue to give to
other people as you go through this
just just one thing i do want to say
which i think is really funny you kind
of saying
you know yeah all these people saying oh
you know you you can't write you know
you're not going to be able to write a
write a fictional novel or your memoir
won't do good or you can't you're not
going to be an actor you're just the
rapper guy or blah blah
now at this
phase of my life
those things don't ex like i don't hear
that i mean i acknowledge it i know i
mean i'm a human being sometimes it
hurts to hear it but
i've gone through it my whole life being
told what i can or can't do not only
personally but then professionally
you'll never be a rapper you'll never
sell out the garden you'll never this
you'll never that and knowing that every
single thing
that is you know i've been told that i
couldn't do i actually achieved it
and so as a man you know at 30 and
stepping back and realizing my worth as
a human being
now stepping into this next round this
next chapter of creativity
i know i can
i know i can and to and for me that's
what this book is that's what this
conversation is
it's letting people know like dude you
can do it because at the end of the day
i just feel like we're all kids like
everyone's like
you know first graders with nuclear
codes as adults it's weird you know but
it's like
how could you look a beautiful child in
the face and be like you [ __ ] suck
like you're never gonna admit like this
that like nobody would do i mean
maybe one percent of the world would do
that's such a disgusting concept to
think of and when i look at
you know other people
when they tell me their dreams and their
ambitions and all this i see this child
inside of them that is pure
and excited
and i root for that person
um because
the child in me has been
stepped on and kicked
but is still standing so
moving into this next chapter i think
the biggest thing even though it's hard
even though my own voice goes you can't
do it you're a fraud there everyone's
gonna know
i still say yes you can you know you can
you can do this man how do you convince
yourself to believe that like when you
you yourself have a voice saying that
and by the way because you're famous you
have millions of people that'll happily
tell you that as well
how do you compartmentalize that or
soothe that voice
and believe enough that you can do it
that you actually do the work
um
i've been alone
and i've had i've had to be that voice
but i i am also lucky to have
amazing people around me
i'm blessed enough to have uh you know i
got a guy right here right next to me
right now named tony and he loves my
music and when i put my music out
he's a big fan and he just goes dude
this is great
and if i'm in the middle of making a
song i'm like what do you think he's
honest oh what if he tried this instead
or or maybe dude you know it's it's i'm
surrounded by people who
are loving and kind and can help me
guide me aid me
into
ignoring that voice
when i was younger it was about proving
people wrong
oh you say i can't i can't enter this
chip on your [ __ ] shoulder i'm gonna
show you that is no reason to create art
that is no reason to follow your dreams
out of spite i mean that's like a
episode of curb your enthusiasm like who
does that you know what i mean
and i did that
i did that my whole career my whole
career
and when i write
and i work on scripts and
i i only do it for me
and possibly anyone i could help with an
underlying theme
uh
in the words so yeah
it's interesting the whole chip on your
shoulder thing i may have a an unpopular
view
but
your career is evidence that the the
chip isn't all bad
and when i think about star wars so i
think in movie terms a lot but i don't
think that'll be lost on you
when i think about
the reason that you know darth vader is
able to do what he does is because there
is real power in the dark side there is
real energy there and from anger yeah
from anger for sure and so the the whole
the way that i look at it is this
there's the light side there's the dark
side and i mean that in the star wars
sense and
i try to spend at least 80 of my time in
the light energy the beautiful things i
want to create the people that i have
around me that love me
um
but when i'm at my most fatigued when i
am just spent and i don't have anything
more
i think about the people who want me to
fail
and then i've got a bit more energy
and i just find that you have to be very
careful how long you spend time there
because as you well know it becomes very
corrosive and that in and of itself can
ruin your health stop you from having
any ability to enjoy what you've
accomplished
but nature gave us that tool for a
reason
i agree i i wholeheartedly agree i think
in my situation
the chip
um
became like a bag of lays like like you
know what i mean like it was more so
um
it wasn't just this little thing like oh
man like this person on the internet
says like i can't make an album
it was like
it was like i was only doing it to prove
that person wrong it was like i was only
writing raps as intricate as i could and
do it on purpose thinking about someone
else
rather than just
from
from my heart so i agree i think it is
dope man i kind of like when people are
like oh this guy's not gonna act
because i'm like [ __ ] you man like i'm
gonna show you you know and and i i
agree with you i like that i just don't
like
when it takes over when would you go to
the dark side like fully you know what i
mean like i just it's just not
for me
um i found i wasn't happy anymore
because i had let it engulfed me i mean
i've literally accomplished every
everything you could accomplish as a
musician
um except win a grammy
um
[Music]
and i'd be lying if i said i didn't want
it grammy because i would like one i
also i think it's just been
systematically embedded in me that
i'll have some more worth or something
if i do
but at this point it's just something on
a checklist that i'd like to accomplish
however um
i will never make music again
to try
to get a grammy or
a number one album or you know even this
even this book you know it's like
pre-orders and there's a whole thing and
it's like i'm you know i'm doing i'm
doing the best i can but
like with my last book it was like i was
shoving it down people's throats like go
pre-order go pre-order this just get it
get like crazy like five times a day and
tweets and this and now i'm just like
hey guys
go check this book out you know once or
twice a week i'm like it would mean a
lot to me but it's like okay if it's not
a number one in its first week does that
you know like not
uh
make me invalid or my story any less
real or on no
and anything that is honest and from the
heart will grow and people will talk
about it and it will you know word of
mouth and it'll do its thing so
i've
i mean don't get me wrong man like i
still want to be
i want to be as successful as i could
possibly be
but i realize like all these numbers and
all these things um
they're not important the only thing
that is important with this book
is first and foremost expressing
everything that i've gone through in my
life so that i can heal and be and have
a better understanding of my childhood
and my upbringing and
two
hopefully
there are people out there who will be
able to relate
and this could possibly help them even a
little bit it's the only reason i made
the book
it's a pretty good reason to make the
book
when i think about all the things you've
gone through
when i think about the just avalanche of
uh hate that somebody in your position
has had to deal with there must have
been a real temptation in fact here's
what really surprises me
how did you see the risk of becoming
bitter
like most people just aren't aware that
they're becoming bitter it just seems so
self-evident to be bitter given what
they've been through it just sort of
makes them bitter
how did you
question it how did you become aware
enough of it to avoid that
dude
check this [ __ ] out
on one of my albums
i mean a few of my albums i've talked
about this industry i've talked about
how social media has changed the
perception of music what's good what's
not
i'm not complaining about this
i'm voicing frustration so that i can
heal
because any and everything that i've
ever gone through i've written about it
and
i still continue to write about it in
music and now in film and and and
for me
the hardest part
was hearing people go oh you sound
bitter
when really it's like no no no no i'm
just voicing how i feel about this so
when i was a kid on his comeup like i'm
[ __ ] broke life sucks like my family
ain't [ __ ] blah blah blah people were
like yeah yeah and then now my [ __ ] has
changed it's like i
have to juggle millions of dollars in
personal relationships can people just
want the young hungry version of me from
10 years ago and da da da and i write
this out because it's what i'm going
through and then people will be like
man this isn't as good as the old [ __ ]
or it's or you just you sound like
you're complaining or you're this or
you're that
in that
i could keep going even deeper like [ __ ]
these people above and like even deeper
but for me it was never about that it
was always about
um
explaining and expressing my emotions so
that i could deal with it so
i think hip-hop in and of itself is
extremely young
it's just a young man's game dude like
it is right
and i'm 31
i'm i'm not 19 anymore and um
i i just released a mixtape for fun
and one of the comments was
um
he's not he doesn't sound hungry anymore
and another comment was and i didn't
even really look at any comments i just
kind of peaked for one second and
another one was um
uh the way he raps you can tell music
isn't his everything and i told this to
my buddy joe joseph gordon-levitt
and he listened to it
and and i i had this conversation we
were both talking about how we deal with
press and what people say and all this
[ __ ]
and uh it was very cool that me and him
could have a conversation because one i
like idolize this dude now we're friends
and it's weird but anyway law of
attraction so
um so
i said that to him and we had a good
conversation we hung up like two three
days later he texted me this really
beautiful
text message he goes hey man
i just listened to the project
and he goes it's my favorite
one because it's called the bobby
tarantino series it's like another alter
ego within an alter ego of logic and
he was like
you know what you said about the kid
who's like you don't sound hungry
anymore like you're on your come up he
goes you're not
he says you're not on your come comeup
you're a grown man
and he was like and
i love this he was like i hate listening
to people rappers
mainly in their 30s and 40s trying to
pretend to be like they're 19 and
talking about hoes and i got the newest
fendi clothes and i got this
and it's like here you are talking about
doing your best to be a good father
staying faithful to your wife
he's like you are not a kid on his come
up you are a grown man and you are
writing music
and making
you know content
for people of your age
and when he said that dude it just made
me so happy
because i could be bitter and i could
try to be this
young hip guy and like nah man i've
accepted that
a lot of the lingo has changed and if i
say dope
i probably sound old like you know what
i mean like cool dope whatever um
i think letting
not
being happy with the person i see in the
mirror
has allowed me to not let that
bitterness grow
i'll never be perfect man you know what
i mean it's like
when i was a twig when i was
100 pounds i was so self-conscious about
my body and people on the internet would
say
you know
very mean thing my own mother she's you
know when she saw me with no shirt on
when i was a teenager she was she was
like auschwitz like what like who says
that to somebody like that [ __ ] me up
you know what i mean and then so i had
this like thing in my head that was like
i need to be the strong guy and then
finally i put some man weight on him at
28 years old i would wake up at five in
the morning
and drop down like bruce wayne and do uh
200 push-ups in sets of 50 before i even
started my day i was in the gym five
days a week for two hours a day and do
you know why
for other people
like that's what it was really about
don't get me wrong i did want to be a
little healthier i changed some things
in my life
but
the
and i know i'm going on here and i'm all
over the place but it's
this is me this is your guest um so
so i was working out and i was doing it
from a place of health you know cardio
and lifting weights but then
on the internet people are starting to
notice that this like you know dude who
looks like the stick bug from a bug's
life is now
kind of putting on weight and they're
calling me bobby biceps and [ __ ] and
that gets into my head and it's like
brainwashing me that i have to be this
strong manly man and blah blah blah and
you know what
it took me being physically the
strongest i had ever been the biggest
i'd ever been in my life to realize that
all of that had nothing to do
with strength and that i had been strong
my whole life
and i didn't need some outward physique
to show me that or prove that to anybody
else i believe the punch line to life is
how you feel about yourself when you're
by yourself
it's really all that matters
how did you get to the point where you
liked the person that you see in the
mirror
when i realized i wasn't a fraud
you know i had so many people telling me
what i was or what i wasn't or that i
was trying to be this so that i was
trying to be that and i was just always
just trying to be myself you know
sure i've tried to rap like kendrick
lamar and j cole because i think that
they rap really cool so maybe i'll try a
cadence like them i wasn't trying to be
them you know what i mean um but you
could say the same thing for tribe call
quest for
you know nas and jay-z and kanye west
like
imitation is what they say that's a
serious form of flattery or something
you know what i mean like
these are guys that i look up to and and
for me it's funny that if you're in a
not to go on another tangent but
you can't be a fan of a contemporary
artist like you it's just no it's in a
way they're your enemy but they're your
brother they're your competition but
they're and it's like no dude if if
kendrick lamar has a really cool beat
i'm gonna be like six let's make a beat
like that and i want to do it in a
completely different way realizing that
that's okay
like all these all these imaginary
blurred lines on what you can all these
rules that are just made up you know
it's like i'm that child inside drawing
and painting and making uh the sky
orange or whatever you know painting the
sky orange and so with that looking in
the mirror now older
i've realized everyone's full of [ __ ]
nobody knows what they're talking about
i don't know [ __ ]
why am i worried about this like my son
is beautiful my wife is amazing my life
is amazing
i'm just a guy
who writes words down
and sometimes wraps them or sings them
or acts them out in a scene
and some people literally hate me for it
and some people like me for it and some
people have no [ __ ] a majority of the
people on this planet have no [ __ ]
idea who i am
so what
and it's just that kind of calming
understanding of looking in the mirror
and just being like oh [ __ ] there's a
wrinkle
that wasn't there a year ago or i don't
look the same way i did 10 years ago but
then it's funny because 10 years ago i
would have looked at myself and been
like wow he's he's got a nice weight
you know you know he's
he doesn't look like the stick bug
taking away
the words of people
and the thoughts that have been
implanted my in my head
by people about myself
is probably the most freeing thing i've
been working on
you know like i'm not perfect man i wake
up and sometimes i don't think
i'm good enough sometimes i don't think
i'm creative enough sometimes i don't
think my
movie's gonna work or the writing isn't
great or this or that or that it up but
once again that's just
that's that's the voice in your head
that you have to tell to [ __ ] off and
then maybe you take a little bit of that
chip that it's giving you and
use it as fuel
what would you say to somebody who's on
the come up now i have no doubt that
we'll have some young artists watching
this that
they want to make it man they want to do
what you did and they want to take
advantage of you know the current
disruption whatever that may be and you
know ride that to sidestep the
traditional gatekeepers and do something
themselves
how would you help them
get the kind of because i mean you have
so much lyrical prowess it's crazy and i
know that one does not come upon that
easily like that is a lot of work
so how do you help them get in a frame
of reference where they'll put in that
work but that they can enjoy it or maybe
that's not how you think about it i'm
i'm curious what advice you'd get oh i
do um everybody at once [ __ ] handed to
them you know we could say oh this
generation man these young kids man like
no like we were those kids like
everybody does
if you could have it handed to you when
you're you know 18 like you you would if
somebody could just be like here's your
masters and all the information you
would have learned in college and a
degree and blah blah blah you'd be like
all right cool yeah i'll take it but
it's like it's the experience man like
you got to put in the work you have to
earn it you have to make it your life um
the first thing i'll say is before
honestly really moving on to anything
else in your life as far as uh
any passion so if we're talking about
music let's use that as an example but
at the end of the day we're talking
about creativity we're talking about
life we're talking about dreams and
goals right so um utterly commit
yourself to this one thing before moving
on so i've been doing
music for
17 years and it's only now
that i am moving on to film um and
different things like that while still
doing music because i love it because
i'm an addict
and
what i would say is like make it your
everything like don't be and i'm still a
student i think i know
a lot about hip-hop and music in general
but it's like dude i'm still learning
all the time when i was younger here's
another piece of advice when i was
younger people would say things like oh
yeah you know uh
when sugar hill gang did you know blah
blah blah blah and i'd be like yeah
yeah but i wouldn't know what the [ __ ]
they're talking about
i was scared
because also when you're a kid and you
don't know something you don't know the
newest thing in pop culture you didn't
see a movie and all your friends are
talking about it and they're like oh you
[ __ ] idiot you don't know about and
it's like this thing that's kind of
ingrained in us
um no ask questions because
it is better to ask a question and learn
and learn something like only an [ __ ]
is going to make you feel bad
about asking a question and learning
something that you didn't know and let's
be honest if it's an [ __ ] who's
trying to teach you the lesson well [ __ ]
that guy like you don't even want to be
around this person you want to be around
someone you can ask
and i did my best to surround myself
by people like that
everything like literally make it your
everything i would wake up and think of
raps and ideas i would wake up and
record i mean there was a point in time
when i was doing
five songs a day minimum oh minimum five
songs a day now they probably weren't
that good you know what i mean but it's
like i was doing it to learn cadence to
learn style to learn
you know even just the flow i mean it's
it's such a a
poetry i'm trying to think of like a rap
i don't even know what's uh how does uh
[ __ ] what you call it go um i have
two so many songs i have to ask other
people i'm sorry uh groin pain is four
how does that start
i live by oh here we go um i live by the
beat i die by the beat
since 1990 i live by the beat i die by
the beat like mpc akai who i name
william after because i get bills from
these beats
um so that right there right is is
extremely intricate and and what i'm
saying so i live by the bee i diabetes
like 1990 ah ah liberty i dabber to be
like npc aka who i named william after
because i get bills from these beats
[ __ ] the industry you know we keeping it
real up in these streets came up in a
room that's uh came up in the world
that's office access artists promised
death and taxes don't give a [ __ ] we'll
be rhyming the fastest my anxiety make
me spit it a mile a minute i'm stuck in
a clinic like flynn montgomery take a
step back tell me right now boy just
what's your summary creeping through
fireside like so that whole thing
there's a million things in there i'm
talking about the main character flynn
montgomery who feels like he's stuck
stuck in this um
this mental loop and how that was
actually me i live by the beat i die by
the beat since 1990 i what that means
immediately out the gate is i live by
the beat like i live on this beat that
i'm rapping on uh but also i live by the
beat of my heart since 1990 which is the
year that i was born i live by the beat
i die by the beat like mpc akai i'm
surrounded by npcs
which are drum machines which make beats
which i also named the uh one of the
main protagonists the characters of my
second album the incredible true story
which is about two gentlemen who are
looking for a planet called paradise in
the year 2115 and it's this whole
[ __ ] thing but one of the characters
names is william kai and i named him kai
after the akai mpc
and also the play of words i live by the
be i die by the beat like npc akai who i
named william after because i get bills
from these beats bill is short for
william so then i'm talking about bills
as far as money and this and this and
whatever i'm not sitting here trying to
suck my own dick i'm just saying i do
what i do and i do it very well and
that's one example of it and the only
reason i do what i do so well is because
i made it my life i have studied
everyone who came before me and i didn't
just study uh you know the nazis and the
in the uh krs ones and the big daddy
keynes and rock kim's and wu-tang clans
and most deaths and i mean i could go on
and on i studied
poetry
i studied the dictionary i studied this
thesaurus i studied
these books on anatomy that my mother
had so i understood a carotid artery and
what goes into the brain and neuro and
and and uh uh um the uh
just our entire system and literally
where organs are in the body so it's
like
if i wanted to do some play on words
about a hit
uh
or or how that would spread through your
system like a disease or this or that
how long would it take how this other i
soaked up every piece of information
that i could
so that i could be better at what i
wanted to do and if you are not prepared
to wake up every day to
in many ways
you know kind of like
[ __ ] your life up you know turn down
dates and
hanging out with friends and all these
things
then don't do it
you know but i think if you
uh as an artist creative whatever it is
that you want to do but i'm talking to a
musician right now let's say if you
really want it just do it it's that
simple just do it and make it
your
life
um
it's funny
because me saying this now kind of wants
to tell the kid version of me like dude
go outside
like you know what i mean like get a
friend like what are you doing you know
like you're scared of the world go walk
around like you know do your thing
um
but the fact of the matter is is that's
[ __ ] anybody who's
a genius at what they do or amazing at
what they do has sacrificed a large
part
of their
social life
emotional life
mental health honestly to reach
that level
and if you want it and you do it right
it can be worth it it can so it's just
if you want that life or not
let me ask was it worth it [ __ ] yeah man
it was worth it
it wouldn't have been if i killed myself
which is something i think i would have
done if i did not
have that god or common sense
just a few years ago to go stop i was in
bed with my wife the other night i
haven't told anybody this
i didn't think i told you this tony
crying i was crying i haven't cried well
first of all i cry all the time mainly
to film and my wife will tell you dude
i'm crying to like oren ege getting her
head cut off and kill bill just because
the cinematography is so beautiful and
lines up in incredible sync with like
the score at the same like i'm a i'm a
weirdo like i just love movies so it
doesn't even have to be like i don't
know
something sad it's weird but anyway
uh i was laying in bed
and i was crying because i realized
that my
career is over
and you could say well what do you mean
i i
i don't necessarily know that i would
put it that way it makes more sense for
me to say it that way in my head but
this logic guy
you know with
all these platinum records and
uh accomplishments and all this [ __ ]
um
i don't want to be
that anymore and that doesn't mean that
i won't make music and it won't go
platinum it probably [ __ ] will i hope
it does you know but i
refuse to chase it i refuse
to uh
do so many push-ups in the morning i
pull a pictorial muscle i refuse to go
on tour
and be completely utterly unhappy and
depressed on stage
i refuse to look at
other rappers young rappers younger than
me who may be more hot in the moment
and be jealous and envious and made to
feel as though i'm not good enough i
refuse to do that
and also um i look at the fact that i've
made more money than i could have ever
dreamed of making
and uh
more success than i could have ever had
and i realized i'm
i did it
and i don't want to keep playing that
game and when i saw that
in my head i realized oh my god it was
very emotional because i was like that's
it
it's over like
it's over everything i spent
every moment every minute
that i spent telling that kid who was
just listening to me like to do all
those things
i got there you know
however many years later
and it was worth it sorry i know that's
where we were but it was worth it
up into that moment
and then i had to say goodbye and know
that i might not be the most relevant
and i might not have the number one hit
smash across the world anymore or this
or that but i don't want to because i
want to be there for my son and my wife
and i want to do different things now
so i met i'm at this juncture in the
road i'm at a i'm at this crawl you know
this
crossroads forked in the road and
there's millions and millions and
millions and millions of dollars in a
box to the left
and
there's millions of dollars
on a road to the right
and that road that i can walk
has the most beautiful view
and i get to take my time walking down
that road
and that's the road i chose rather than
this [ __ ] highway of like
insane go go go go get the money get the
money
people in your head you know this this
might not last you know you got to get
it you got to get it now i'm just 31.
like i'm young i got a whole life ahead
of me
and i'm gonna focus on the things that
make me happy
and that's all that matters and it's not
numbers and it's not number ones and
this and that those are bonuses for sure
but to create music to create
art based on trying to be the most
popular and play that game
i'm through and i had the craziest cry
because i was like oh my god it's
everything i ever wanted and i did it a
couple years ago and i'm only really
realizing this now
okay
all right [ __ ] yeah let's watch friends
you know what i mean
bobby that is uh an amazing place to end
where can people
follow you on this next phase of your
journey all i care about
if you want to follow me is follow me
follow my work
don't follow what i post remember my
name bobby hall logic whatever you want
to call me
and i hope that um that you'll know my
heart and soul
is is in everything that i uh
that i create and that um
that i hope you'll follow me
on this next chapter of my life as a
creative man
and uh and enjoy it or not but just
follow me
and the book is this bright future
correct
yeah this bright future september 7th
which is probably today
and uh
yeah it's it's a story on my of my life
and and i wrote it from my heart and i
hope you enjoy it
and um
yeah where are you start starting to
talk about the biopic it's gonna be
crazy
that is having read the book that is
going to be crazy
that'd be amazing dude i am super
excited to watch you as you go into this
next phase you're an extraordinary
creative
you work your ass off to get good at
what you do and so seeing how young you
are at this point in your career and
that you've got so many creative years
ahead of you
be very interesting to see what you do
now that you know it's about the art
more than it is about the recognition so
very very exciting time i just i'm going
to interrupt you dude and i just want to
say this is one of the best interviews
i've ever done for real
um i care that you took the time i care
that you have incredible questions i
love that your audience represents you
um and i am extremely honored to be here
thank you so much for being here it
really was great guys the book is
phenomenal hey hey hey i just wanted to
say yes you have a nice smile
well that's very kind i'm kidding you
said i can interrupt you
okay do your thing do your thing i'm
sorry thank you all right the book is
amazing guys you will love it i promise
it's really a pretty crazy journey that
will blow your mind and speaking of
things that will blow your mind if you
haven't already be sure to subscribe and
until next time my friends be legendary
take care peace
go into haiti after the earthquake man a
lot of courage man it took me
trust me i'm that true emcee after the
earthquake i landed in haiti my life
started out in a small village i ate
dirt from the floor homie no kidding i
had no kitchen grandma said pray to
christ
this jesus baby barely had a bag of rice