Kind: captions
Language: en
obviously hard work is not enough you
have to train every single day super
hard every you know no matter what but
it was
it was this moment of believing
believing in myself and believing that
if you want something bad enough you're
capable of achieving it i believe that
without doing hard things
we will
go backwards in life the mama routines
are very simple
i find out what the job is
and i bust my ass to get it done and i
think people want to get there and be
like i did a couple things like no no no
like it ain't about a couple things it's
about this deeply seated rooted sense of
you where you do not have the right to
take this future from me i just knew
that i loved cycling and it was going to
take
suffering i had learned that much and so
i was going to have to get good at
suffering all my practice all my talent
all my physicality
is not going to be enough so it's like
you you can't allow yourself to
settle i think the first thing is
recognizing that you are not what you do
so i think there's always that thing
that we know can come through and we
either choose to drown it out or we can
do the things that we know kind of make
it louder
[Music]
i had this
huge dream of you know winning that
all-around gold medal at the olympics
and
not many people believed in me but when
i was able to kind of set that dream and
that goal and i knew it was like this
huge goal that you know for so many
years for an american gymnast it was
unattainable and unachievable so mary
lou renton won in 1984 and then
one of my closest friends and teammates
carly patterson won in 2004 so it had
been 20 years before an american gymnast
won and so being able to train in the
same gym as carly the gym that my
parents um started was was really
something that inspired me every single
day because she kind of made me believe
that this is possible you know it is
possible for an american gymnast to do
that um and so i think just being able
to see that every single day inspired me
that being said i just feel like so many
times
there's people around you whether
they're in your life or now social media
you know people are always going to tell
you no and people are always going to
like roll your eyes when you tell them
your dream or your goal and i think
what i realized throughout my career and
continue to realize is that those dreams
and those goals are within reach and
they're you know just at the tip of our
fingertips and if we really want to do
it it's it's far beyond obviously then
just like work hard and believe in
yourself you know you have to do a few
more things in between all of that but
um i just think with young girls today
that it's important for them
to have a voice and to believe in that
voice
obviously hard work is not enough you
have to train every single day super
hard every you know no matter what but
it was
it was this moment of um
believing
believing in myself and believing that
if you want something bad enough and
it's not just about an olympic gold
medal but anything in life you're
capable of achieving it because i feel
like
we're so influenced by so many
people's thoughts and perceptions about
you
especially just in the world that we
live in with social media and the access
being right there everything's so
immediate and i think at the end of the
day
i think if you can go to sleep at night
knowing that
you're proud of yourself not necessarily
for your accomplishments or how many
gold medals you've won
but about the kind of person that you
are then i think that's all that matters
i don't know i feel like that's always
been
my mission to
empower young women
to do what they want to do and not
necessarily
to do what
society is telling them to do or you
know what your parents did or you know
any of these things but to do what you
want to do and and that's in your hands
it's in your control
and and i think that it's so important
to
to kind of share that you know and
obviously with young girls and young
women but even young boys you know it's
it's really everybody out there that
has a dream and that has a goal and i
think that is so important to be able to
say like
this is my dream and not be ashamed by
it because whatever your dream is like
that's your dream
don't let somebody else take that away
from you by telling you that you're not
good enough or you're not gonna you're
never gonna be able to do this don't
even waste your time on that
i've gotten told all of the above and so
it's like
don't let someone take that away from
you if you have this burning desire
inside of you and you'll know what that
feels like if you have it then you just
need to go full force and kind of block
out all the negativity and everything
else
that is around you telling you that you
can't do it
i think the important thing is to not
you know if if you're just starting out
in gymnastics or any really any sport
you know don't
necessarily set your sights on the
olympics right now focus on what you're
doing and kind of your path right now
yes the olympics might be in your future
but that's the future so it's important
to have those long-term goals but at the
same time like
how are you going to get there well you
need to do x y and z to kind of even get
to
possibly you know competing at olympic
trials and so i think it's important to
yes have these big aspirations and these
big goals and ambitions but also figure
out what it is your goal is right now
what is your goal today what is your
goal this week this month and this year
and then have that long-term goal again
and that was something that my dad
really taught me was he was really into
you know the goal setting but also
planning
um the year out and so he said okay if
we want to be here in november then how
do we get there so he would actually
start at the end and backtrack um in
terms of you know simple as now we're
gonna do start our skills then parts
then routines then get in competition
shape and and all these things so then i
knew i could look at
my full year-long schedule and say okay
today this is what i have next week i'm
going to be starting routine so i should
really focus this week on getting my
endurance up or something and so you
know regardless of whether it's a sport
or just life i feel like it's it's
really important to have this
step-by-step process of how am i going
to get to that end goal
if you really want something bad enough
it's not going to be easy
and you can see where you want to go
but there are so many things you're
going to have to go through to get there
but truly if you focus and know where
you want to end up you'll be there it
may not be exact time you want which is
now kind of immediate for most people
but you'll eventually get there at your
time when you're supposed to you know
you make choices in your life you
program your mind neither be happy or
not that's a choice that you make it's
not something that somebody else makes
for you is not not even your situation
no matter what the situation you truly
do make the choice to be happy in that
situation or not and we also have the
ability to change a situation that we're
not happy with talk a little bit about
that because if for anybody that doesn't
know the sort of legendary beef that you
had with the final coach at the giants
it's such a powerful event and what i'm
talking about specifically is is that
you've switched right so you come in hot
you guys are we need to be biting heads
yeah then in the end you said that if
you were going to go back he's the only
one that you'd go back and play for yeah
i absolutely hated tom coughlin the
toughest thing and the thing i loved
about playing and the one thing i love
about work and working with a lot of
people
is the leadership aspect
it is the opportunity to get so many
people to believe in one thing that
makes everybody better so that everybody
wins and in order to do that you may you
have to make everybody's have value and
feel valuable i don't care if it's
somebody who's sweeping the floor or the
president of the company everybody needs
to be treated like a human being with
value and if they are they will do
anything for you
and once he got that down guys would do
anything for him and i was one of those
guys that once i was
into that matrix
anything he needed it would get done and
all the way down to just my belief in us
winning a super bowl and
watching all that happen and and just
the way that we did it and now if i had
to go back and play seriously i would i
wouldn't play for any other coach if he
wanted me to play for him i would play
for him only from a leadership
perspective it's such a beautiful thing
to open yourself up to that i love your
ritual of going around before the game
and touching everybody yeah that was
important and i actually really want to
start doing that with the team here like
we've got such a group of die-hard
people and it had like in doing so the
whole point to me of the people that i
bring on the show is to bring people the
more i research them the more i get to
know who they are that i'll find these
little nuances that i can bring into my
own life and when i pictured you going
around to everybody and and saying i'm
accountable to you right i'm accountable
to you and when i go out on that field
i'm going to
hold us up i'm going to do what we've
all agreed that we're here to accomplish
and i thought oh my god like that's so
powerful and to have built that trust
and rapport with them ahead of time
where they feel connected to you and
then you say hey i'm here to serve you
right like we're all going to do this
together that's super it's bigger it's
bigger than it was it was always bigger
than me and i had success on a football
field
singular success right you know i've
been defensive player of the year a few
times and it's like
i can't celebrate this or t-man losing
records like there's no i never found
much julian something that was a
singular success
i hope you guys enjoy the episode
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the best time does anyone ever ask me
what is the best thing from your career
it's like it's a super bowl
it's
everybody being able to celebrate the
accomplishment of us as a team and not
me as an individual and
there is definitely a switch you have to
have
and to me i i do love people and and
it's natural for me to be nice to people
i don't know any other way i don't know
why you wouldn't be but it's also has
worked for me because in anything i do i
have to be fake i don't have to be
something i'm not right i don't have to
be nice to you here and then leave and
you see me later on because i've been
around a lot of people like that
and it's as if they're a different
person like i just saw you 10 minutes
ago
who this guy right and i never wanted to
be that i always wanted to be myself the
entire time which works great for me i
love psychology of things
that's why i think i love a team i love
getting people on the same page
in the psychology of from football to me
and the media with football the simple
things you get the game program every
week
and it's the same picture throughout the
whole year of the guys but i had a
ritual i would look at the program i
would look at everybody on my team same
guys and then i would look at the other
teams guys
and when you're a young player you get
intimidated by faces
and some guys sitting there looking like
that
and you're like oh man that guy's a
killer
oh i don't look scared but as i got
older i said looks like psychologically
if somebody looks like that then they're
you know then okay
but how much more afraid would you be if
somebody you know with a kill and
they're just smiling
so in my program figured i'd be like
this
it looked like a glamorous shot like it
looked like i went to the mall it was
like this is the guy
this must be crazy to be smiling these
photos like this
and and so like i would just do a little
silly things like that with the media i
didn't talk every day so then i said i i
talk one day a week i talk thursdays
and i did it because if you talk all the
time it's like going to the same
restaurant
it's not special and especially in the
media of new york when there are so many
different people and so many um outlets
and everybody just with so much content
you need yours to stand out
so if you want to talk to me and you
only get me one day a week i guarantee
you when i talk to you you're gonna
cherish that and you're gonna use that
yeah there's some pretty uh incredible
footage of you getting
well let's talk psychological warfare
and then getting everybody on the same
page so one
the trash talking that you did when you
would tackle people was
absolutely fantastic welcome home baby
yeah
there were some great ones but then
what you did in the super bowl was
really really crazy and i want to hear
what was the the psychological principle
at work so you the team is losing but
you gather everybody on the sideline and
you say you're losing at the moment i
think it was 10 to 14.
yeah to the undefeated champions coming
into this game and you say with like
very little time left guys we're one
drive away we're going to win 17 to 14.
that's going to be the final score if
you believe it it's going to happen yeah
gene strahad my dad that's crazy it was
it was weird
because by the way that was the end
score that was the end score against an
undefeated team
18-0 at that point and had beaten us
early in the season
and i i just
my dad that that week in phoenix
he said you know what you guys have
already won the game
and i was like i think old man's losing
it what's he talking about
you guys have already won the game now
you just have to go through the
formalities but trust me you've already
won the game and i'm thinking have you
seen the patriots have you seen their
record they said good they are that's
tom brady and randy moss and jim you say
like all these phenomenal um hall of
fame players over there
and
we got to the point in that game there
are just several things that come to
mind
bill belichick is a brilliant coach
probably the best coach ever to to coach
professional football and we had a
fourth down
they had to punt he rushes the punt team
out there they run a punt we didn't get
all our guys off the field in time so it
gives them a first down in our territory
and field goal position everything else
and tom coughlin's losing it you know
he's beat ready screaming on the
sideline and i i just had such a peace
during that game so he tells this story
um all the time he said you reached over
and you grabbed me by my shoulders
before you ran out on the field
and you smiled and said coach don't
worry we got it and we go out i actually
got a sack that's a sack i got on that
drive moved them out of field goal
position they didn't score any points
and that was just like the peacefulness
of the game so when we came to that
point in the fourth quarter where they
scored
uh and when they went up 14-10 it was
like you know what
if dad said we're gonna win damn it
we're gonna win
now i'm not on offense i can't do
anything about it but
i'm gonna go over here and talk to the
guys who can
and we're in this together our our
journey to get there has been too great
to end like this
i mean we're here for a reason there's
something special about us being here
because we were not supposed to be here
and i went on and said 17 14 fellows
will be the final score believe it and
it will happen one touchdown will work
we'll be world champion believe it and
it will happen
and
we won 17 to 14 and i
retired
after that
i believe that without doing hard things
we will
go backwards in life
we'll go backwards in the way we feel
we'll go backwards in the way our mind
develops
and let's just take the pandemic for
example
when that happened
you could take a look around to your
peers or colleagues or associates and
say
they've experienced hard things based on
what i'm
observing how they're handling this
right now and then the flip side of that
is i could look over here and say okay
these people have never experienced
something difficult in their lives and
really really struggling with this and
we all struggle with different things at
different times
but it was it was pretty obvious to me
who had experienced things before and
who could handle something like that and
so for me doing hard things with intent
is preparation for the unknown
because life's life's not easy life is
not easy and we all struggle with our
own ways and i truly believe that
we all have to go through this life and
we all have to learn the same lessons
in order to navigate it it's like a it's
like a board game and you've got it you
hit all the check marks and you got to
hit all the squares
and you're going to keep falling down
the
the the slide in snakes and ladders if
you fail that test and when you pass the
test you get to go up the ladder i think
the negative voice and learning how to
deal with that is literally the most
important piece
because
i've been i've been through it i've been
doing this for 15 years and each time we
push that envelope a little further and
further and you would think at this
point at the time like i've completely
silenced the bully
dude he's loud he's still the internal
bullet the internal yeah he's still loud
i mean the outside the outside bully is
another totally different topic in
conversation but that internal bully
that internal dialogue it's
always going to be there and i i believe
i said this the first time we met like
as humans we are
most tough on ourselves like we are our
toughest critic
and for some reason we don't see
ourselves the way that others maybe see
us and it's it's typically in a more
negative light
and so i think i think mastering that
continual conversation and beat down
that we have with ourselves is one of
the most important pieces to that puzzle
and why if you go from zero to a hundred
that voice is so loud it's so dominant
you don't have a chance and you have to
be able to learn how to talk to it
uh
early early and during simple things so
that you can overcome it and build that
momentum like i mentioned before you you
can't
you can't take on the biggest thing like
you don't go from off the couch to
climbing everest like there's a there's
a process and base camps you got to go
through
and and that biggest component is that
that self-talk that conversation that
you have
because people always ask you know what
is it is this a mental fee or is this a
physical feat
and i say it is a hundred percent
both
you're going to get to a point on your
journey where you're broke
physically mentally not not financially
but financially too you're beaten
you can't imagine
dragging yourself out of your dark
corner you can't imagine pulling
yourself off the ground
you have no support system you you
you're you're
a corpse
walking around
you're depressed you have anxiety
everything freaks you out
in order to overcome that you have to
show up on your journey
and i don't know
your journey
i don't know how many times you're gonna
have to show up one more time sometimes
it's gonna have to be on your own
and so we didn't tell anybody that 101
was gonna happen we didn't even know it
was gonna happen until literally three
days before the hundred
and hundred was finished on a tuesday i
made the final decision on the sunday
night
to do it
and we were just gonna go live
on that wednesday morning
and i got in the pool nobody was there
because they thought we were
sleeping celebrating
and i woke up and i got in the pool and
i was by myself and i did the 2.4 mile
swim
and i was fully anticipating doing 112
miles by myself and
the chat boards went crazy
and the the
the supporters locally said no way
is he doing that bike ride by himself
and they showed up and we had an amazing
112 miles and we did it on our terms
and i just felt like as a person who
gets on up on stage and tells people
you can
show up on your journey no matter what i
had i was broken i was beat i was
defeated and on the flip side of that
i'd achieved the goal
i'd done what i said i was gonna do but
i just felt at the highest level i
needed to lead from the front
i needed to go do one more whether
that's by myself or with my team
the importance of that i think day 101
was more important than the previous 14
000 miles
yeah i was basically just getting beaten
to crap every day
i mean why keep doing it strategy
well
exactly i mean there's there's that side
that there's that suffering side that
just you know kept showing up that like
oh you know i could i could suffer more
than the next person so that was a
pleasurable part of yourself narrative
where you're like i value in myself my
ability to suffer more than the next
person
um i just knew that i loved cycling and
it was going to take
suffering i had learned that much and so
i was going to have to get good at
suffering
out of curiosity why do you love
something
that forces you to endure so much
suffering
well there's obviously many many more
aspects of it than the suffering part
you know that's just an aspect of it i
was
madly in love with learning something
completely new
i i you know i had never been good at
any of it it was kind of cool finding
out that there might be just this like
little bit of a hidden talent in
something that i had absolutely no idea
existed
uh like i said i loved it just i loved
the freedom of just riding the bike i
mean that just felt so good and then i
started doing group rides
um
which is just you know a bunch of dudes
because again it was mostly dudes uh you
know just kind of getting together on a
weekend morning and it's basically a
race and i started doing those and i was
getting you know dropped from the first
let's say
10 miles and then the next week i would
go and i'd get dropped at my 11 and
these are like 80 mile rides so bad one
time that we were in simi valley i
didn't know where i was and i had to
take a cab back to where my car was
because i was so lost and dropped and
there was no cell phones and no you know
so um but i think that it that just it
it's like the curiosity of that kept me
in there like could i next time maybe
stay in 15 miles and by that point i had
gotten a coach who was very encouraging
and you know there's definitely people
along the route that kept me believing
if it was just up to me i don't know if
i would have believed all the way to the
olympics you know necessarily but it was
like there was just enough every time
but it was never like i never sat back
i'm gonna write the like 10-year 15-year
strategy plan to make it to the olympic
games like there was definitely
definitely none of that it was just i
always feel like it was just
okay
here's the road and
choose choose the the harder the harder
turn this is a little bit easier if you
keep going this way choose kind of the
the challenging one the little bit
harder one
tell me more about that why why do that
because i think it made me better you
know going on these group rides were
like i had no business on them at all in
the beginning and so every time i would
do it it would it was it was it was hard
every time and i knew if i pushed myself
just a little bit more or i went just a
little bit harder i would get just a
little bit better so it's it taught me
that if i if i take the hard road uh
instead of the easy road forward then
i'm gonna i'm gonna learn more i'm gonna
be better trained i'm gonna be better
set up for
maybe eventual success but at that point
i was just thinking about success
meaning like finishing the group ride
not success like going to the olympics
just like that is what is going to be
able to
you know get me there i guess faster
and do you enjoy competition is that a
part of your identity or your makeup
i'm very competitive with myself i've
never been extremely competitive with
others and that was
uh that was kind of a problem like it
was a little bit i mean i don't know
it's a maybe a blessing and a curse you
know because i had some teammates that
were highly competitive with other
people and the the problem with that is
is you don't have any control over the
other people
i think
you know i think at the base of it
one of the one of the biggest issues
with our society and and the lack of
productivity
with some is an extreme
fear of being uncomfortable
no one wants to be uncomfortable every
every every single company out there
that's marketing anything to us right
from pharmaceuticals to food to whatever
it is it's about us being comfortable
right and just feeling pretty good or
sort of good or kind of good it's never
about being uncomfortable and so
i knew that
being uncomfortable was gonna be the
it's always the key to change not just
in cycling i mean it every single time
it's it is the key that unlocks change
is being uncomfortable
um so i knew that if i could push just a
little bit more i would get a little bit
better and some days i was able to go
into
you know a dark-ish cave and some days i
was able to go into pitch blackness it
depended on the day but i knew that
there was no way to
getting better unless i got
pretty damn uncomfortable almost every
single time so i just knew that to be
the case and like i said before i think
the ability to push really hard past
the initial uh you're in pain you're in
pain what are you doing stop right now
you know like your body says for
survival mode
was just the reality that i knew that
it was going to get make me better and
it was going to be over soon that was
really part of it because it was not
ever over for a very long time in my
eating disorder it was like what is this
going to be you know
i mean it's 30 seconds we're doing
minute intervals you know we're doing 10
minute intervals or we're doing five you
know five minute intervals like that's
nothing that's not really a real amount
of time and so that was just
i think just that history that i'd had
that i knew this is this is going to be
over and then what might i get from it i
was just way too curious of a person to
see
what might materialize if i was if i was
able
to go so you know curiosity some but i
think
and what did materialize for you what
what has awaited you on the other side
of that grand pursuit
well almost every single time is is uh
improvement
you know it was just i was better it
would be it would be five more watts
that i could hold at threshold or you
know
a little incremental right but it was
you know 50 more pounds uh times you
know five sets times 60 reps on the legs
on the inverted leg sled i i started out
at about 300 pounds in before olympics
it was 600 pounds i was pushing times 60
reps times five sets you know but that
wasn't like i didn't go from 300 to 600
pounds overnight you know it was just it
was just little bits every time and and
then it's so motivating right when you
get those little incremental bits of
movement forward uh that starts to show
you you you know there's there's a real
root to
what now has become a dream
um
that it's addictive
and i have a little addictive side of me
so uh that probably was part of it too
do you ever just want to be a better
version of yourself a more confident
knowledgeable you the fastest way to do
it is to get
learning my whole obsession is what i
call abl always be learning learning
about a new topic or skill revisiting
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legendary
1979 tom and it's a year before the
moscow olympics and abc wild weather
sports had a program called road to
moscow and in it they featured athletes
from all over the world different
disciplines telling their stories and so
on now when we think of olympic athletes
we tend to think of these superhuman
beings
but what i was seeing in that program
were these average ordinary people
with extraordinary dreams
i'm like crap you know basically then
you know this show is telling me that
anyone can become an olympian
within reason if they have these
extraordinary dreams and an equally
extraordinary desire to go after those
dreams and so by extension
you could literally go accomplish
anything in your life if you have these
extraordinary dreams and an equally
extraordinary
desire to up to achieve them so that
really as i just said you know built on
the seed
that my grandmother planted
um
so it's like you can't allow yourself to
settle and i think it's so easy to do
that right because
you know stepping out of
the environment that you find yourself
in to go get that thing across the
street that looks so much better and you
know it's a much better life
is difficult because you feel so out of
place
you feel you know almost not so worthy
and you have to do
you know i call it a real job on your
mind
you have to convince
yourself that you deserve this uh you
know and so of course you know keep on
pushing as a bobsled analogy and i tell
you my first boss said run i crawled in
a sled then a guy who had never dribbled
one before
and
people don't believe this because i joke
around a lot i'm scared of speed and
hype right that's box loving and i just
remember being terrified
and i remember saying to myself if i die
i die
but i'm going
there's just no way i'm not going down
this track and you know what three runs
in i was scared to death
but hoped
and and so that's kind of the the
mentality that i approached the things
that i really want was like i don't know
how i'm going to do it
i just know i'm going to do it and
there's just
there's just no way that it's not going
to happen and so i just i throw myself
into it
do or die
now you come across as super sweet and i
know when people ask you which of the um
bobsledders was based on you in the
movie you always say the guy who was a
dreamer but he also happened to be the
guy that was super aggressive and and
identified as the sort of mean one is
there that gear for you like do you have
a level of intensity and ferocity that
you can switch into or are you always as
sweet as you come across in interviews
well definitely when i when i compete i
am a completely different person i i
don't even recognize that guy
um in what way can you be specific
just just i'm i'm i'm way more intense
than your brother just way more um you
know he was an intense guy i am you can
multiply that by 10. when i when i'm on
the line you know i i speak about bob
saying all the time like when people
watch american football they see the
aggression because they see a guy going
up and hitting another guy
bobsledders are just as aggressive it's
not as apparent because you're pushing a
sled
but there's so much contempt that you
have for the sled at the start you want
to put the push the crap out of it right
um
i get
you know you don't see that level of
intensity on my face when i'm working on
another another goal but
there i i do get singular the focused
um
maybe to a fart
do you know i was just going to ask you
do you like that about yourself or do
you actually think it's a problem
i like that about myself you know but
you know all of us we spend time
or we should anyway kind of looking back
on your life and so so this is why i
would encapsulate
you know those early years trying to get
out of olympic garden so it's kind of
like me being on one nfl
rose garden
trying to get to the other end and all
i'm focused on
is how i'm going to get to the other end
and get into the other end and i never
pause
really to smell the roses
and so if there's one thing i would
change really is
that ability to kind of take a a few
seconds to you know sniff a rules and
then move forward so yeah so to a fault
in that sense i
you know i remember just having these
conversations with my friends from high
school and they're talking about all
this [ __ ] that they were doing i'm like
really when
really when and they're like well where
were you like
i was training i was busy you know so i
do get that singularly focused
i think the first thing is recognizing
that you are not what you do
right and for me
this uh this monumental thing i was able
to accomplish as far as getting drafted
was a dream come true just not for me
but uh for all these young guys that get
drafted nfl mlb nba you win a lottery
your family feels like they've made it
so you carry this weight of
i'm the way out for everybody um so it
took me a very long time to find out who
the hell jay williams was without the
sport of basketball but i think one of
the things that i did that was extremely
beneficial
is that
i love business right and
my dad worked for amex for 20 plus years
and that was one of our goals you know
the more money i made in basketball i
just wanted to use that platform to
leverage to build a business i had no
idea what business that was yet uh we
were still ideating in the process of me
playing
but when my accident happened you know
after i went through multiple surgeries
one of the things that inspires me is
when you see
businesses that have really good boards
and all the ceos i've ever met
you know if you talk to them a day or
two before they're going into their
board meeting they're nervous right
they're they're anxious their palms are
sweaty because they have to present to
the board members about where the
company was where the company is and
where the company is going and the steps
that he took in order to help the
company either to their demise or to
their benefit
so it was the first time i started
thinking about myself wow
why don't individuals hold themselves to
the same level companies do and i
started thinking who who's on j williams
board and at the time you know i talk
about this in my book because i was 23
years old i couldn't play basketball
anymore i had a 17 18 year old drug
dealer who was on my board right he was
a guy that just ended up talking to and
i still was taking oxycontin because i
was addicted to it from my accident
i had friends who were doing careless
things who were on my board
i didn't have the foundation of the
people that needed to help me be where i
wanted to be talk to me like
when did you
hey when did you develop it do you
remember like cultivating that sense of
okay i'm not getting the feedback so i
have to believe in me
was it something that you were just
naturally had like how did that notion
of
you have to be crazy to be great find
its way into your mind uh first i've
seen it on a multitude of levels
you know it was really funny
my rookie year you get so damn excited
because you're playing against these
guys that you've been dreaming of
[ __ ] playing against your entire life
right and you actually cross over jordan
right uh well yeah i i did even though
he he dropped multiple buckets on me
and then told me how he was going to do
it which was impressive because he was
40 years old
it still pisses me off to this day i
don't know if you can tell um
but i remember we were playing against
the lakers tom and we were out here in
l.a and um
you know like i always try to outwork
people right that's just how i made my
mark so the game was at seven i was like
you know what i'm gonna come to the
staples center because we're playing
this one lakers had kobe and shaq okay
this is this is like the championship
lakers so you know i'm gonna get there
at three o'clock and i wanna make sure i
make 400 made shots
before i go back into the room and then
i sit in the sauna and i get ready for
the game
so
you know get in the car
get to the gym get there and as i'm
walking onto the court who do i see i
see kobe bryant
already working out and i'm like okay
that's kind of cool it's kobe
what's up kobe you know
and uh you know so i put my sneakers on
and you ever get lost in what you do
where you end up like wait it's been an
hour and a half i'm just i'm here i'm in
it so once i set my foot across that
line i started working out and so i
worked out for a good hour hour and a
half and when i came off after i was
done i sat down
and of course i still hear the ball
bouncing and look down like this guy's
this guy's still working out
he was working out for like it looks
like he was in a dead sweat when i got
here and he's still going and it's not
like his moves are nonchalant or lazy
he's doing like game moves you know um i
sit there and i unleash my shoes i'm
like i want to see how long this goes i
sit out there and watch another 25
minutes and it got done i was like okay
i think i've seen enough go play you
know come back
get in the sauna get ready for the game
that game he drops 40 on us okay
and after the game is over i'm like i
have to ask this guy i have to
understand
like why
why he works like that right so after
games i'm like hey kobe like
why why were you in the gym for so long
he's like because i saw you come in
and i i wanted you to know that it
doesn't matter how hard you work that
i'm willing to work harder than you wow
and he's like just don't hold there's
there's nothing wrong with that like i'm
not saying i dislike you as a person
you just you inspire me to be better
right and it was the first time i
started to see this level of
competitiveness where i said
i need to start doing more
you know i i look back at my journey and
i never knew what i was doing to be
honest with you ever i mean still to
this day i'm like still trying to figure
out what that next thing is and kind of
listening to that voice and to be honest
with you it's always been
this innate ability to
to know that something is speaking to me
uh and i think we all have it i just
really go to what
is feeling most aligned or like what
gives you the most life what gives you
the most vitality what gives you the
most energy so for me that's kind of
what i followed it was like when in the
beginning it was when do i not feel bad
like how can i just feel a little bit
better than this
and that's what has always brought me
back to moving is moving has always
brought me clarity
it's always helped me know what that
voice is saying even in my marriage now
chris and i will constantly if there's
something coming up if there's something
we can't work through if there's
something in our business we say let's
take it on a walk because that's when we
can kind of
slow down listen to that voice what's
next so i think there's always that
thing
that we know can come through and we
either choose to drown it out or we can
do the things that we know kind of make
it louder
you realize along the way or once you've
won something or once you've made a lot
of money it's like if you don't enjoy
the journey that moment is so fleeting
it's it's gone in a second
and if you don't have the inner mindset
of loving yourself of loving who you are
of loving what you do of of wanting to
make an impact of wanting to help others
of wanting to
um improve someone else's life like that
it's honestly
the most empty feeling if you think
that's the only thing and i remember i
had this moment
i had
um worked so incredibly hard it had been
like six years of competing some people
some people compete and win right away
and they get these covers and you know
that's just what i thought would happen
and six years later i'm still like not
winning not getting covers not nobody's
noticing me and finally um actually that
year something shifted for me that the
year that i won like swept everything
and what happened is the year prior to
that i had started training other people
go figure training them for stage really
training them a lot in my studio
really wanting other people to win like
making their wins my win
and what happened is
their journey became so much mine and i
became so
just immersed in making someone else's
life better
that that next year it was like i was so
fulfilled and happy and that just
radiated i knew that my purpose wasn't
just
um
the body i knew that my purpose was so
much bigger than this one thing that all
of a sudden i showed up on stage as a
totally different person literally
people were like
who are you what happened and i had this
moment of i
i let go of thinking this was everything
and i actually
learned that the journey is about
helping other people it's about you know
really loving what you do and who you
are but loving
the fact that you get to do what you
love for other people and that just it
flipped it literally flipped on a dime
for me and that that was a moment of wow
it's never about the titles those things
are amazing don't get me wrong i love
them i'm not gonna lie but if you don't
do both if you don't use them or use
them as a platform for something they're
gonna be really empty because they're
just a moment
[Music]
and it's a statement in my work i say
it's what you create creates you
and when i was 15 i'd actually pretty
much checked out like at 14 15 i was
like i suck at football my mom got
diagnosed with ms before i lost her you
know 17 years later my older brother
went to the military and i chalked it up
and i was done and i remember this girl
in mr howell's english class made this
statement and the statement was was
simple but to me it was powerful she
said well the reason i'm so bad because
i'm in foster care
and it wasn't anything more than her
saying an excuse out loud that i had
been saying inside and i just heard like
that sounds stupid
like that's a big excuse because i had
no control of the situation but that
directs my life to be a criminal to be
checked out and so i had this desire
like i'm just going to do what great
people do and it was players right great
athletes to want to be a football player
so this was where this chip started
coming and getting built i spent like
every single day like i said my back to
a football in the air 500 times i ran
every route i could i lifted every
weight i could no idea what i was doing
but every day i got to this point where
like i stacked and stacked and stacked
to where like when i showed up the next
year tom you couldn't take this from me
like you're not going to catch this ball
this is my ball to catch you're not
going to catch it i'm going to knock it
down you're not going to tackle them you
don't deserve this today i'm going to
tackle you because you don't get to you
don't get the right to run away from me
and it was just this the sense of like i
earned this i own this you don't get to
take this from me and that's where that
darkness kind of picked peaked in but
you can't have that
until you do that dark work and i think
people want to get there and be like i
did a couple things like no no no like
it ain't about a couple things about
this deeply seated rooted sense of you
where you do not have the right to take
this future from me and so that became
the driver for me of every day like i
wasn't at 25 when i was you know the nfl
i wasn't playing because of the day
before i was playing because of 10 years
earlier like you know i did this work
bro you don't get to make this tackle on
me you know you don't get to get like
you don't get to block me today and
that's this this compounding effect over
time that just built this i have that
still like people think like oh he's
happy and i'm happy guy don't get it
twisted though man when it comes to work
there's like that switch that has to
flip on but that's where it does come
from that dark you have to pull from the
things that motivate you it's not always
a joyous spot for me sometimes it's
looking at my kids and realizing like
man i could have it way worse or looking
at like my past and saying you know and
this is truth for me
at this age of my life i'm very aware
that i i want to be desired i want to be
wanted but the thing is it's because of
a childhood thing my mom didn't want me
like you know my mom didn't care for me
and so because of that when i show up
now it's like i do these things but i'm
doing them because i'm serving people to
get the thank yous that make me feel
desired so it's a weird i call a weird
sense of selfishness like i selfishly
want your thank you i want you to say i
appreciate you and thank you but i only
get that when i show up big and heavy to
serve you and that surfer isn't always
from joy man sometimes from like i don't
want to get off this planet and and have
a drip drop left in me i think back to
my college days when i was actually
preparing to run 40s for the nfl
and the thing that i used to think of
was like at the other end of the 40
somebody's attacking my son at the sun
at the time so like this is what you're
talking about literally was like a
driving force for me of like why i need
to go as fast as humanly possible it's
another level of emotion like you said
it has a purpose and it can be used if
you're comfortable using it but most
people they run away from it so
frequently it's like they just seek the
the joy and i hate that because at the
same time you're seeking that joy like
you don't realize that most of people
are successful telling you it's in the
moments outside the joy and but people
are so afraid to get it and they keep
asking how come i'm not successful how
come i'm successful you're not listening
like you're just not listening and
you're not applying and so i don't feel
sorry for you at a certain point like i
need people when i talk to them like i'm
trying to make you uncomfortable i
literally tell people like my clients
i'm like i'm trying to stretch you
i think what's
crucial for me was the
deep understanding
all my practice all my talent all my
physicality
is not going to be enough
all my thinking all my emotional control
all my strategy
is not going to be enough
all my surrender all my capacity to
accept death
is not going to be enough if they come
in long
separate
i think we have to in order for us to
grow as a spiritual warriors no matter
if it's physical
or
just theoretical
your growth
to facilitate your life to conquer
things to be happy
you have to have a good unified body in
terms of
body mind spirit
you have to understand your physicality
you have to understand your mind
you have to understand your spirituality
because those three things combined
make you feel powerful
how
i could engage in a fight a serious
fight like that
with no time limits no weight division
no no rules basically no mount peace no
no cups no so you basically go for a
unpredictable situation
how i could go just by be trained with a
guy 60 70 pounds heavier than me
so just being prepared just being talent
is not enough
just be able to focus and be
strategically correct is not enough i
have to have this spirituality to say
today is a great day to be in a battle
if i have to part you depart today from
another from a different uh
different dimension
i would be grateful to get here that far
so i was accepting death in order to be
comfortable in hell
because how a fireman can leave home
disregarding the possibility it can be
the last day because he can be and try
to save a kid in the building and die
how a police officer can leave home
without knowing
the possibilities he may have to get
shot
if you don't
realistically believe on those
possibilities you should not be a police
officer you should not be a fireman you
should not be a fighter like myself in
that kind of perspective of
unpredictability
being an athlete
being a sport like a judo or mma which
has rules as time limits has weight
divisions those are pretty much
predictable
is a sports a very interesting a very
brutal a very contact a very
aggressive sport but it's still a sport
martial arts transcends that
because martial arts i have to feed my
students
with unpredictable situations for them
to start to realize they have a chance
when everything is go dark when
everything goes like if i have a knife
against you so i don't know what to do
so pay attention come just put your hand
here so i start to build up confidence i
start to build up situations where the
guy will feel
i supposed to be dead here but i have a
chance i so building that windows of
opportunity windows of chances i've been
creating myself as a confident and
possibilities
so i'm not going there to lose or to
compete i go there to to preach or to do
what i know
and be sure i gonna win so in my mind
was no defeat was no
was just victory and that's it because
i believe
what i do is perfect