Kind: captions
Language: en
[Music]
everybody welcome to another episode of
impact theory today we are going to be
talking all about
dealing with disappointment this is
something i know a lot about i'm sure
all of you know a lot about this but
there is a way to get over it and to
make sure that we don't waste any time
stuck in that period of disappointment
we may need to do a period of morning
but that we don't allow ourselves to get
stuck there we're able to mourn move
past it and get going again all right
first question is how do i stop myself
from beating myself up for trying to do
something that failed miserably and then
continuing to overthink everything about
what happened thank you so much for any
advice and assistance that you can
provide okay
here is how to conceptualize
failure and the disappointment that goes
along with it
once you understand that what the human
animal is designed to do is learn then
you have to ask yourself if what has
made the human animal the most apex of
apex predators the world has ever seen
the most capable of completely changing
its environment
what is it that allows them to learn
fast and the answer is failure now the
reason that failure is truly useful and
i'm not just saying that to make you or
myself feel better in fact i wish that
it wasn't the way to learn the fastest
but the reality is the reason that it
works so well
is that when you fail you trigger areas
of the brain that are focused on
memory and focus so you've got the
memory side so you're going to remember
this you've got the pain this does not
feel good i do not want to go through
this again so you've got that which
heightens your emotions which makes you
more likely to remember this thing
moving forward and then it also narrows
your attention so you're really looking
at
why did this go wrong and when you have
this sense of i never want to repeat
this and you're looking very closely at
why did this go wrong now all of a
sudden
failures because of what it does to your
brain and quite frankly because you're
in the mix you're trying things and we
learn better from doing than from
reading about it or hearing about it
so
failures suddenly become the most
information-rich data stream on planet
earth heightens your likelihood of
remembering and it focuses you in on
exactly what's the problem so now
even though failing sucks part of what
makes it valuable is that it sucks in
fact it may suck in order to make it
valuable
let that sink in that nature went huh
when this happens in order for this to
be useful for this animal for this
evolutionary creature i need to make
sure
that it becomes advantageous so that as
they make mistakes assuming that they
don't get eaten by a lion i want to make
sure that they don't put themselves in
that position again and so we have to
learn from
some method and the method that gets us
moving taking action trying things
feeling the pain focusing that's going
to be the thing that we're going to get
the most takeaways from so now
as you reframe what failure is
failure
is not
proof that you're a loser
failure is the process by which you
become better okay failure is not the
process that reveals that you're a loser
failure is a process by which you become
better that is the name of failure so
now when you fail why would you beat
yourself up over it it's the nature of
progress itself there is no way to get
better without failing it's the fastest
way it is the most effective way it is
necessary you have to do it and by the
way for you to have failed at something
you showed the courage to try it
so instead of wasting time beating
yourself up over the fact that something
went wrong we're going to say
that's the nature of progress we have to
try something it's not going to work as
well as we want it to or i may fall flat
on my face i may outright embarrass
myself and if i let that break me i will
fail to learn the lesson
but if i do what nature is compelling me
to do
and i focus
on what went wrong
why did this happen because i never want
to go through this again you stack
enough of those what went wrong i never
want to go through this again
enough of those together
and you actually get good
and translating potential into skill set
is the name of the game and you will
never do that more efficiently than you
will through failure and mistakes so
allowing yourself to wallow in
disappointment
doesn't make any sense
it's the learning process this is what
you have to do in order to get good so
there's no reason to spend a lot of time
being disappointed you brush yourself
off you pick yourself up you dust
yourself off and you get going
that's it that is the physics of
progress
all right guys if you're going to unlock
your potential and achieve everything
you've ever wanted you're going to have
to constantly be making progress towards
your goals so what do you do when you
get stuck the bad news is getting stuck
happens to everyone at some point it's
pretty much unavoidable but the good
news is that if you're willing to take
action there is a framework that you can
follow to get back on track if that
sounds familiar or if you're stuck in a
rut and not achieving your goals as fast
as you want i've pulled a class out of
impact theory university that you need
to watch right now it's called six steps
to getting unstuck and you can watch it
for free at unstuck.impacttheory.com
inside i'll teach you about how to use
cognitive reframes my four level value
stack to becoming unstoppable as well as
the single most important thing to start
doing today
to regain momentum to watch this free
preview for impact theory university go
to
unstuck.impacttheory.com see you on the
inside guys alright take care and now
back to the episode
how do you restructure yourself and your
goals after falling off of a designated
path should goals be fixed
or malleable depending on the journey
undertaken all right
first of all everything in life is
ultimately malleable
to some extent we are not blank slates
so you can't just infinitely change
yourself but things are pretty
changeable
as heather hines says we are not a blank
slate but we are the blankest of slates
and i think that's the right way to look
at it so
here's how i break it down i've got my
mission my north star my like proper
goal the thing i'm trying to do
then i have what most people think of as
goals which are the paths
so
i want to
win a gold medal in the olympics that's
a goal
maybe i think i'm going to win a gold
medal in gymnastics but i find that i
can't pull it off i aged out and i never
quite got there and so i switch over to
archery i'm making this up but this
archery is actually an event where you
can be successful deeper into your life
the goal win a gold medal at the
olympics the path swimming tennis
archery whatever and so i'm going to be
flexible on what my path is now in
business
man let me tell you i'm trying to build
the next disney all right rad now the
path to get there i wouldn't have told
you two years ago was going to be nfts
and now nft is a huge part of my
strategy so the goal of pulling people
out of the matrix at scale using
storytelling that remains true and
that's
why i'm building the next disney so
that's my goal that's my mission that's
my north star that's what i'm trying to
do
now
do i do that through youtube videos do i
do that through
nfts do i do it through
getting a show on netflix what's it
going to be i don't really care to be
honest i want to do what is whatever is
most efficient and effective at getting
me to the goal which is to pull people
out of the matrix at scale through
storytelling okay so you have to learn
to differentiate between your mission
and the path to get there because you
could say that my goal is to
um let's say make a in fact five years
ago i would have told you that i want to
have printed comics and comic book
stores and absolutely killing it i want
one of those comics to be turned into a
major motion picture
that you know ends up in theaters
and that would be one path but now i'm
like i want to do an nft forget about
printed comics they're absolutely
laughable uh we do web comics now but
that was a whole big transition that i
wouldn't have anticipated so that was
already one switch of
some would say goal i would say path now
nfts has become a huge part of that and
so not focusing on the web comics in
isolation but the web comics and how
they can feed into
the nfts or even the nfts can feed into
the comics and then how we translate
that ultimately into let's say a series
that's going to end up on streaming okay
so a lot of the elements if you'd asked
me five years ago would have sounded
very different than they sound now so i
don't think of that as um
i would never want those to be fixed
where it's either i get printed comics
to work or i don't it's like you get in
there and if it doesn't make sense
anymore there was a whole host of
reasons why it didn't make sense to
pursue printed comics but i didn't know
until i failed at printed comics so
that's another thing to think about
because by getting in there
trying it and seeing what the problems
were i was like wow why would anybody do
this this does not make sense this is
absolutely antiquated this is the past i
want to be involved in the future
but i needed to get in there and do it
and until i did that i wasn't going to
be able to figure those things out i
couldn't think my way through that
problem i had to feel my way through
that problem so
that's really the key
my
north star my mission that's pretty
static and i won't say that it never
changes because it was at when i was at
quest it was ending metabolic disease i
moved over to impact theory and it
became pulling people out of the matrix
at scale using stories okay so two
different things
was able to pivot that but now once i'm
in there until i give up on my north
star which something absolutely major
would have to happen meaning i would
have to believe it is no longer worthy
of pursuit now if i believe it is no
longer worthy of pursuit then i will
change it or i'm not having fun pursuing
it whatever the case may be
but my paths
my paths are just questions of good
sense
what's working what's not working what
can i change to get there more
efficiently more effectively so don't
allow yourself to get bogged down in a
path which should be easily discarded
but don't give up easily on a mission
which should be
far more firm
all right
next up
what should someone do when trying to
make a career out of passion and that
fails
the answer is what do you mean fails so
we've already covered that failure is a
key part of the process of progress so i
think a
key insight that will help
is that if you want to achieve anything
significant in your life you have to
understand that it's a game of attrition
okay it's a game
of attrition what do i mean by that most
people quit
it isn't that the people that end up
winning never failed it's that they
didn't quit when they failed now why do
people quit when they fail it isn't
because they lose money
that hurts that's going to make it
harder but that's not why they quit why
they quit is it becomes emotionally
devastating and they're not able to
re-center themselves
self-soothe
remind themselves why they started
right that north star the mission why am
i doing this why do i care about this
to reorient themselves around i care
about this for a reason it is bigger
than myself this is not just about money
i'm here to add value to help people to
elevate whatever trust me you want to
attach yourself to that
because when you're doing something that
only stands to benefit you it won't have
the motivating factor that helping
yourself and
other people is going to have definitely
want to help yourself but you also want
to help other people and when you have a
north star goal mission that is that
it's what i call honorable and exciting
okay it's honorable and that it elevates
not only yourself but other people it's
exciting you're just into it whether you
should be or not as irrelevant you are
into it and it serves humanity okay when
you have that goal that's exciting and
honorable
now all of a sudden when you quote
unquote fail
you're just asking yourself am i still
into this do i still love this is this
still my passion because if it is i'm
gonna get back up and keep going i'm not
going to quit i'm not going to allow
myself to be another one of those people
that when they fail and it hurts that
they just give up don't let that be you
there is a phenomenal quote from winston
churchill and it goes like this
success
is the ability to go from failure to
failure to failure without a loss of
enthusiasm
now
when you can go
from failure to failure to failure
without losing your passion you're
really onto something
but that's going to be up to you because
there's not going to be anybody there to
encourage you to coach you to push you
on you have to do it yourself and so
you've got to do the work of making sure
that you're really connected on a deep
emotional level
to that thing that you're pursuing
now if you do that
then that real
passion and belief will be there waiting
for you
when the absolute gripping sting of
failure occurs
because at that moment you're going to
ask yourself one question we all do it
why am i doing this
and if you don't have a compelling
answer you will quit
but if you have a compelling answer
and you really are passionate about this
thing then it's just about self-soothing
and recognizing that failure is part of
the game
and so we pick ourselves up
square ourselves off
and get moving again
and that is the only way
to succeed
emotion should never stop you from
achieving your goals so if you feel
stuck overwhelmed low on confidence
you're beating yourself up or you feel
like you're not deserving of the things
you want in life i have something to
tell you emotions are not facts and you
should never let them hold you back and
yet i find that people do this all the
time they mistake that feeling for
objective truth and it sends them this
downward spiral
[Music]
reaching greater levels of success in
life means knowing how to use your brain
and if you're in a rut right now or if
you've been struggling for a while to
achieve your goals then i've pulled a
class from impact theory university to
help you get back on track it's called
six steps to getting unstuck and it's
for anyone who wants to know the exact
steps to achieving big goals when life
puts challenges in your way
if you want to check it out go to
unstuck.impacttheory.com
to get access it's a free preview
alright guys i'll see you on the inside
now let's get back to today's episode
how do you discern preventable mistakes
from ones we simply could not see at the
time with the knowledge we have how do
we truly appreciate and learn the
lessons of these failures
okay so i wouldn't worry so much about
whether a mistake was preventable or not
because that implies you want to know
when you should beat yourself up for the
mistake and when you shouldn't the only
thing that you should be doing when you
make a mistake is learning immediately
go into learn mode assume everything is
quote unquote your fault that all of
this could have been prevented if you
had made a different decision
but
we're not going to punch ourselves in
the mouth over this we simply want to
understand okay what could i have done
differently to get a result that i
wanted because to me there is an answer
to did i make the right or wrong
decision and it goes like this if you
made the right decision it moved you
closer to your goal if you made the
wrong decision it held you neutral or
moved you away from your goal once you
understand everything just goes through
that filter now it's just okay cool so
this was a wrong choice in that it held
me neutral or moved me away from my goal
and if either of those two things is
true it doesn't say that i'm a bad
person or i'm a loser i'm a failure it
just says what i tried didn't work now
if what i tried didn't work my next
question is what could i have done that
would have worked or at least had a
higher likelihood of working now to do
that you have to completely take
responsibility this did not work because
i made the wrong decision and it was the
wrong decision for this reason now
when you can do that and say that
sentence without feeling badly about
yourself because you're going to push
back you're not going to want it to be
your fault you're going to want it to be
anybody else's fault but when you do
that
you failed to learn the lesson which
means you failed in vain which means
you're not going to get anything out of
that other than emotional distress
you're going to have to constantly try
to wall yourself off from the reality
when on the other hand you embrace
that
this really is important i have to
figure out to get to my goal i have to
figure out what to do differently so by
owning it you keep the control you
recognize that you can do something
different and then it's just all about
figuring out what that next thing is so
don't worry about um
whether you should have known better or
any of that because if you fail
even if you couldn't have known better
how is that helpful
you just need to figure out cool what
can i do next time
what can i do next time how do i start
again more intelligently that should be
the only question on your lips
next
how do you deal with the time lost from
failure especially when you have nothing
to show for that time for example i just
got rejected from a job that would have
changed my life but now i have to spend
upwards of three to five years just to
get to that level of income experience
somewhere else
okay
that's not true
so right now the only path you see
before you makes it seem like it's going
to require you three to five years just
to get to that level of income
experience but let's remember we had
that opportunity present itself once
before who says it's not going to
present itself again tomorrow now the
fact that we didn't get that role
that's what we have to figure out why
not and what can we do next time to
ensure that we do there's a great quote
i forget who it's by forgive me but it
goes this is a paraphrase but it goes
like this
luck is like a bus
and another bus is going to come five
minutes later the question is do you
have the fair to get on the bus
that [ __ ] is dope
once you understand that luck favors the
prepared meaning that the people who are
quote unquote lucky are the ones that
actually have the skill set to take
advantage of that luck
and that's why the awesome way to think
about it is like a bus there's going to
be another one coming all the time
they're constantly coming but if you can
never get on one because you don't have
the skill set to take advantage then
you're never going to be quote unquote
lucky even though all of those
opportunities have presented themselves
so this is really a question of skill
set now i promise you if you gave me
three to five years and pointed me out
whatever it is you're trying to do i
would by leaps and bounds i'm going to
try to get there in six months so if we
really think it's gonna take five years
i'm gonna try to get that good at that
thing in six months and i will just tell
you i have a history of being able to
pull that off now
why
am i better
am i smarter
no
i am definitely not remember i'm the guy
whose mother quietly assumed i was going
to fail my best friend said i just
assumed you were going to marshmallow
your way through life my now
father-in-law when i asked for his
blessing to marry his daughter he said
no these were not people that
misidentified me they had accurately
identified me but what they didn't
factor in is that i could change
and so i just set about turning my
potential into actual skill sets so
instead of being somebody with a lot of
potential like we all are i became a
person with a lot of skill set and that
skill set i have leveraged to do
extraordinary things with my life but it
was a lot of [ __ ] hard work around
one making massive demands of myself so
not allowing myself to say oh my god
this is going to take three to five
years [ __ ] that it might take the
average person who's not willing to do
what i'm willing to do three to five
years i'm gonna spend way more time
and
i'm gonna be constantly owning
everything in my life so that i can get
better i can try different things new
things i'm gonna stare nakedly at my
inadequacies and figure out why did i
get rejected i will ask hey guys out of
curiosity and trust me i have thick skin
it would really be powerful to me and my
career
if you could tell me
what made you choose somebody else what
was it about me and i can take anything
if i don't seem educated enough
knowledgeable enough i'm not uh i don't
speak fast enough i'm not funny enough
whatever i just want to know the truth
you hated my shoes i just want to know
the truth and you'll be surprised people
will actually give you an answer may not
be the full totally unfiltered answer
but they'll usually give you some pretty
useful information if you make it clear
that that's what you want you don't want
them to pull punches and that this is
really something designed to help you
get better
and that's the key and if you can make
them see that
boom you're off to the races but in all
of this you've gotta really want it you
gotta really want it
and you have to be willing to fail over
and over and over because
success is going from failure to failure
to failure without a loss of enthusiasm
and there it is that's how we do it
that's how we avoid wallowing and
disappointment that's how we put
ourselves back together and get going
and learn and learn at a supercharged
rate
failure is your greatest teacher
but you have to be willing to admit
you've made a mistake
and that's it if you can do that oh my
god the universe will open up to you
all right everybody thank you so much
for joining me now go forward try things
take risks fail pick yourself back up
and keep going don't lose that
enthusiasm
and speaking of things you should be
enthusiastic about if you haven't
already be sure to subscribe and until
next time my friends be legendary take
care peace