Kind: captions
Language: en
[Music]
hey everybody welcome to another episode
of impact theory today we are going to
be talking all about how to
power through
any obstacle and crush any goal and that
is absolutely what you're going to have
to do you've got to be able to smash
through go over go under go around
whatever it takes any obstacle to get
things done and the people that are able
to solve the most problems are always
the ones that
win so now the question is how do you do
it and that's exactly what we're going
to be talking about today so here we go
first question when you have one major
obstacle that you are overcoming in my
case a health issue how do you focus
your mind on the smaller life obstacles
you must overcome at the same time even
though they are infinitely less
important to you the great news is you
have already answered your own question
which is you need to put them in
priority order and you need to attack
them with the ferocity that their
like value to you
is so if something is really high value
really important the most important
thing you could be dealing with then
you're going to do every thing you can
do to move that ball forward now
inevitably no matter what it is there
will be times where you will get to the
point where
you need a break or there's nothing more
that you can do whatever
and so you're going to do everything
that you can do to push that ball
forward and then once you need to move
on for whatever reason
then or you're waiting for something
then you go and focus on the smaller
things but don't be afraid to say this
is my number one priority and so other
things are going to get less attention
so one thing i always tell people at
impact theory is
doing less
is always an option
what's not an option is hating your life
okay so we're not going to do things
that allow us to hate our life so if i
know hey i've got a health issue i have
to go really ham but i also have all
this nicknacky [ __ ] that i have to
deal with
i'm gonna take care of my health first
and foremost i'm gonna cut out things
that don't have
you know anything to do with that
because they are less important to me
and we went through this with lisa and
that meant that she was doing less at
work um you know if you have to take
paid time off or whatever do it if you
have to take unpaid time off do it if
you have to scale your lifestyle back to
make sure that you can take unpaid time
off do it there are a thousand ways but
when something is truly the most
important thing then you need to address
it as such
now what i find is everybody tries to
have these dueling competing number ones
they think that they're supposed to be
doing all of these things at the same
time
i'm just here to tell you that's not how
it works so you have to put things in
rank order there is no such thing as a
dual number one priority
okay there is number one there is number
two three four five six so on and so
forth okay so line them up do them in
that order and you have to be relentless
about it and you have to accept that not
everything is going to get done as well
as you want to get it done
but it should get done in priority order
i find people have a really hard time
with that that one to me is a bit weird
if your priorities are listed in order
of the things that are important to you
why would you do them in any other way
unless you're lying to yourself about
what's actually important to you
so if what's really important to you is
what your parents think about you well
then you might start making stupid
decisions because you're not being
honest that what you really want is to
please your parents now once you start
being honest
about what your priorities are like for
instance let's say you have a health
issue and you have kids and the reality
is that your kids are your number one
priority and your health is number two
now what do you do
you've got a choice
you either have to de-prioritize your
children which is going to be hard for
some people or your spouse or your job
or whatever
but be honest and if you're not prepared
to de-prioritize your kids then you have
to own that and accept the consequences
namely depending on what your health
issue is you may die younger than you
otherwise would because you're not
addressing it
this is where we've got to be honest we
have to say what's really going on we've
got to say what our priorities really
are and when we stop bullshitting
ourselves about what our priorities are
then we can execute in priority order
and then everything in life gets clear
and simple doesn't get easy
but it gets clear and it gets simple
do it to it as my mom would say
i hope you guys enjoy the episode
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trial all right enjoy the episode
how do you develop a strong enough why
in order to keep going if you feel like
giving up okay there's a process for
this
it is very straightforward
there is a weird trick of evolution
where your brain
will justify
whatever amplitude of emotion you
display
this is why if
um
it's kind of like
where a child will fall
bang their knee and they look to their
parents like am i okay
and if you react big then the kid starts
crying but if you're nonchalant and
they're like all right cool stand up
then the kid is nonchalant
your brain has a similar mechanism where
it's like yo this thing just happened
how do we feel about it and if you're
like oh my god this is amazing then your
brain goes [ __ ] i guess this is a big
deal
so
first of all it's very important to
recognize that when you're trying to
build this
connection to a why you want to start
with something that's real something
that already is exciting to you for
whatever reason it just is exciting
now when you start with something that
you have a legitimate exciting
connection to now through that method
that i just explained you can dial that
up so you're going to say it out loud to
other people you're going to say it
internally to yourself and you are
always and i mean always going to embody
the emotion you want to feel
now
in the beginning it's going to be very
theatrical and you're going to feel like
this is dumb why am i doing this i don't
feel
this sort of hype level that i'm
bringing to it
but you're gonna start to i like the
three month mark it starts to be like oh
wow like that's just how i respond to
this then at the six month mark it's
like yo i actually have a deep emotional
connection
by a year by 18 months it's like it will
really change you and so you have to be
very careful what you point yourself at
what you decide to make your why what
you fan the flames of because over time
it really does become a part of you now
that's amazing but it's also
high risk isn't the right idea but it is
it's dangerous like you have to be
thoughtful because you can get yourself
super hyped up about something that
either you don't actually
have the willingness to pursue and so
you can create this sort of high
friction thing in yourself
like let's say for instance
this is random because this wasn't what
it was like for me but in in the early
days i wanted to be a stand-up comic now
i could have poured all my time and
energy and all of that into being a
stand-up comic but if the act of being
up on stage is actually miserable and it
isn't fun now i've just built all this
hype into having a why around
entertaining people or whatever and i
don't enjoy the process and so maybe
there's something intellectually
interesting about it which was that
original spark that made me want to
build this enthusiasm around it but if
that doesn't actually play out in the
long term you have to be careful so i
would be thoughtful about a why
that is exciting and honorable so
something that not only elevates
yourself but elevates other people that
you can usually pour yourself into with
reckless abandon
okay
how do i overcome a self-destructive
anxiety-induced habit even if it started
at a very young age okay so we are first
and foremost this is going to surprise
you but first and foremost we have to
make sure that the anxiety response
atrophies so neurons that fire together
wire together and this is not the
surprising part i'll get to that in a
minute so neurons have fire together
wire together so
the
anxiety
loop
has become easy for your brain to do
easier than anything else so you are
more likely to have this anxiety
response because you've just done it
like you said since you were a kid
so we have to get those connections to
atrophy and the way that we're going to
get those connections to atrophy is
actually going to start with our
diet
now i have found in my own experience
that because of the gut brain connection
the number one driver of the anxiety
impulse is caused by dysbiosis so you're
eating and or drinking things that are
causing the sense of unease which your
brain going back to the previous answer
your brain is going to justify the way
that it feels so you feel anxious and
you're like
what am i anxious about then your brain
is going to tell you a story oh you're
anxious about xyz
it's actually not true
you feel anxious because of what you ate
or drink and then your brain is simply
overlaying a story onto that thing so
now let's exacerbate that a thousand
fold and say no no this thing really is
anxiety provoking yes but now it's a
question of amplitude
so what we want to do is bring the
amplitude way the hell down so we're
going to get our diet right in my own
life
seventy percent so not a hundred
but seventy percent of my anxiety was
caused by my diet and as i removed diet
monster and diet coke
and i miss them both dearly they are
lovely but they made me feel anxious
and as soon as i cut them out of my diet
my anxiety improved so dramatically that
it was startling
now of course like anything it takes you
know a couple weeks to really work its
way out of your system now that doesn't
mean that i went from not or having
anxiety to not having anxiety but i went
from these huge amplitudes of anxiety to
them dialing down 70
it was incredible it was the biggest win
in my journey of anxiety so removing
that was usually important getting sleep
also hugely important exercise hugely
important
and then meditation hugely important if
you are doing those four things
and then do one fifth item which we'll
call pattern interrupt so that every
time you begin to get on that loop you
interrupt yourself
you don't allow yourself to think about
that thing that triggers your anxiety
so we get the diet right get the
exercise get the sleep get the
meditation so we're getting better at
turning down the volume
on the anxiety amplitude
and then over time as you pattern
interrupt and stop yourself from even
thinking that and rehearsing the failure
and the worry and all of that now you're
going to find that those bonds of
anxiety in your brain the literal
connections are going to atrophy
and your brain doesn't at first it
doesn't leap to the same amplitude then
it doesn't leap to the same amplitude as
often and then it just doesn't leap as
often
and that's how you begin to undo the
anxiety
and then of course there's always
therapy so don't be afraid to see
somebody to help you through this
process if nothing else is working
undoing anxiety is extraordinarily
difficult i unfortunately know this
first hand
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guys take care and be legendary
how do you come to accept you have to
withstand something like a bad job that
takes up your whole day while knowing
that your time is valuable and limited
okay now let's play a game and let's
call this game
what would tom do
now i want you to ask do you think that
tom is going to stay in a bad job for
long
no that's the i'll skip to the last page
and
tom has a bad job uh skips the last page
tom leaves the job
now
tom is going to be very thoughtful
because i completely understand that
this is largely about yo i have to pay
bills hey tom nice for you you don't
have kids and you've already been
successful so that's not really helpful
for me
now i will say that
joy and fulfillment are the punch line
of life not money not success not
adoration so you are losing losing
losing if you're staying in a job that
makes you unhappy i promise if you have
kids and that's the thing that's really
making this difficult you are bringing
that unhappiness home and so
we have a moral obligation to break that
to make sure that we are pursuing things
that are joyful so that we can show our
kids hey this is how it's done
now
you're not stuck at a job there's
something that's making you feel stuck
at the job i'm going to assume for now
that it's money keeping a roof over your
loved one's heads that that to me seems
like the scariest so okay assuming that
it's that remember there are always two
levers lever number one make more money
level number two need less money
okay you can pull on either lever you
want
now if you say up tom i can't need less
money and just we're all we've already
cut it all to the quick you know my kids
just need a certain amount it just is
what it is okay amazing so now we're
going to make more money awesome how do
we go about doing that first of all
let's identify what we hate about our
job because there might be are there
other roles within that company if it's
just the job but not the company is
there somewhere that we could move in
which case we go ask hey i want this job
which pays more money what would i need
to do what skill set would i need to
have what expertise would i need to
demonstrate in order to get there
and then go do that thing
if it's the company and we just the
company's toxic we can't be there
anymore then i will ask
how many resumes have you sent out in
the last 48 hours if the answer isn't
250 then we've got some work to do
now let's assume that the answer is 250.
then we have to figure out why aren't we
getting a response do we not have a
skill set that's marketable is our
resume terrible are we not going out to
the right places have we not framed
ourselves well
could be any one of those things but we
have to be honest and real and figure
out what we need to do to get out of
this situation but we certainly don't
just accept defeat and go wow this sucks
this is my whole life
nights and weekends is also going to
come to our
help our aid here so nights and weekends
if you know whoa i just don't have the
skill set that i need to go find another
job then we're going to start building
that skill set
maybe the skill set is interviewing
getting good at interviewing and then
we're going to get good at that but we
are going to find a way out of our
situation and we're going to find a way
out of our situation quickly so do not
accept defeat hold yourself accountable
to the truth to what you need to do to
get out of that situation and then get
out
because as you said our time is truly
limited
my biggest value is my family so outside
of my day job they are my number one
focus because of this i really struggle
to make time to acquire and develop the
new skills i need even though they have
the potential to greatly improve my
family's quality of life in the long run
how do i prioritize myself over those
who are most important to me in order to
make a better life for all of us
okay i can feel you have competing
values so first of all you need to
figure out what your highest value truly
is is it
improving the life of those you love
or
is it
being with the ones you love
and so those can be very different
things and lisa and i talk about this
all the time and i talk about how hard i
fight for this family to do amazing
things for this family and lisa is like
hey you need to be thoughtful about that
because some percentage of that you're
doing for yourself
and some percentage of that is really
something valued by her right and so
i really have to ask like where does
this become it's about me and my
ambition where does this actually become
about her and the family and so you need
to have those conversations in what way
does your family want to be served right
because if you're saying i'm doing this
all for my family
and you're serving them in a way where
they're like you know honestly dad
husband or mom
whatever
that wife
that maybe they would just rather have
time with you
and so all this crazy stuff that you're
doing they're like
hey
when i think about you being into it not
being your ambition and you wanting to
work that hard then it's like rad i want
to support you
but when i think that you're doing that
somehow for me like dude i'd rather live
in a hovel
and get time with you than whatever it
is you quote unquote think is going to
make our life better so you have to be
very thoughtful about what's really
going on like for me i'm [ __ ]
ambitious and so yes there is some of
like wanting to make my entire family's
life better
but a lot of it is really just that's
who i want to be
and so as i told lisa look you're my
number one priority but there's one
thing you cannot ask me to give up and
that is my ambition but whenever like
i'm really starting to damage the
marriage i'm taking too much time i'm
too focused i'm too hardcore whatever
let me know and i will react accordingly
but it's not a mistake that lisa and i
have built companies together for the
last whatever 12 years
okay that's very much on purpose so that
as a couple we're coming together even
as we're expressing our individual
ambitions
but we're super clear about what's at
play where how much is you know personal
ambition how much is really like that
well received contribution to the family
because if they're not receiving the
gift you are trying to give then
are you really giving a gift
so you've got to be super thoughtful
talk through this stuff be very open and
honest and candid and vulnerable
find out what they really want
and then find that balance that works
right that some of it may just be yo i'm
doing this because i want to help the
family and the families told me that
they you know want this gift
and then some of it is just my ambition
and so i might work a little bit harder
at work than my family would want me to
but i don't go crazy and where i'm not
spending you know maybe instead of
spending three hours with the family
every night i'm spending two hours with
the family every night putting a little
bit more work in you know at my job and
maybe it's like i give them all day
saturday but i only give them half of
the day sunday and they're like oh man
this is amazing you're so focused and
the time that we get is so incredible
and so high quality
this is amazing i couldn't ask for
anything more but the only way you're
going to find that dance is to discuss
it and to be completely honest about
what you want in your life
that's the way
that is the way
all right
obstacles can come in many forms in your
life
it could be failure it could be a
difficulty at work it could be
that you want something that you feel
like you're not supposed to want it
could be conflicting desires it could be
waning passion
each thing that comes into your life
take them one by one assess them
honestly
figure out what you really want in life
and then adjust accordingly
and if you've got enough perseverance
enough passion a deep enough connection
to your why you really can do
extraordinary things with your life
but you can't give up you can't give in
you've got to stay focused
you've got to be driven and if you do
all of those things you can get to the
other side of anything
all right thank you guys so much for
joining me and if you haven't already be
sure to subscribe and until next time my
friends be legendary take care peace