Kind: captions
Language: en
i wear this wonder woman necklace
and i wear this wonder woman necklace on
purpose now we talk very much about
leaning into the thing that we want
nothing happens by accident right we
cultivate meaning to certain things and
that can be either extremely beautiful
or it can actually be detrimental to us
so how do we actually do on purpose so i
took my wonder woman necklace and over
time i would see in the mirror and i was
like yes i'm wonder woman
you're the superhero of your own life
lisa and i repeat that
and repetition becomes habit so i see my
necklace i repeat what it means to me i
do that enough it now actually starts to
mean something to me and so what i did
before i got on stage is i suit up
like wonder woman does with her cape
like she does with her cuffs i put my on
my big watch i got my necklace on i do
my hair and it becomes this stepping
stone of i repeat to myself you're
wonder woman you've got this
lisa bill you welcome to the show it's
sorry you call it release opinion
but you are author lisa bill you and i
feel very confident in saying soon to be
best-selling author
the book is amazing i've told you that
privately but i was very impressed this
really is so radical confidence it
really is the book one of us had to
write a book about
the impact theory mindset
and
when you started i didn't know if that's
what it was going to become but it
really became a powerful instruction
manual for how to move through life well
so i'm very impressed i want to start at
the end of your book so that people can
understand what radical confidence is
and then we'll dive in but this really
hit me this is very powerful so this is
the literal last chapter of the book
with radical or sorry the last paragraph
with radical confidence you can try new
things despite the embarrassment shame
fear guilt or any other emotion that may
be paralyzing you with radical
confidence you can go balls to the wall
and risk falling on your face and you
can do it knowing that even if you do
break a cheekbone you can get back up
with radical confidence you don't have
to fear failing or fear whether you're
the only woman or the only one with no
experience
or the only one who [ __ ] themselves in a
bathroom stall at the beverly wilshire
hotel because homie with radical
confidence you can zip up your bad [ __ ]
boots remember who the [ __ ] you are and
be the hero of your own damn life
now i know that it is a long road
between who you were even when you and i
first met but even before that
to
writing this book
but for somebody that wants to walk in
your shoes what's the first step to
being afraid and doing it anyway
whoo
what is that first step
having a plan
because
i don't want it to feel just
motivational right like oh you know be
afraid and do it anyway when you're
afraid and you have to do something that
scares the life out of you like step in
front of the camera or start a business
or be a leader when you don't know how
to lead the tour all of that is really
scary and just telling someone to do it
anyway it isn't enough so to me you need
an actual plan is it a plan or a tool
kit
so you need a plan with the tools that
you're going to use so for instance
let's say you want to step in front of
the camera the plan is okay i want to
start a youtube channel
so i'm going to shoot
five videos in a row without releasing
it just to watch myself okay what skill
set am i going to build
on that and that becomes what tools do i
use to build those skill sets so that i
can do five videos so for instance the
tool let's say if it's just stepping in
front of the camera it is how on earth
can you stare at a camera and talk for
30 minutes like practice that skill and
so what's that tool set that you're
going to use if you can't even bring
yourself to step in front of the camera
do you look at your clothes what music
do you play before you step in front of
the camera these are all tools to get
you to actually step in front of the
camera in the first place
now what's interesting to me and because
i know your story intimately but also
you go into great detail in the book is
for you it wasn't a plan
and you struggled
mightily in the beginning
and so i want to go back to when we were
starting quests so give people a
thumbnail sketch of
basically what happened so you were a
huge dreamer as a kid you had big dreams
when you and i met
and then something went horribly wrong
after marrying your husband
um
what happened
so actually what happened was we had
said we want to make movies and we'd
both dabbled in um
trying to work in film industry and we
both hated it so our conclusion was if
we wanted to make our own content we
need to finance it ourselves so we
decided that we were going to go on that
path and you were going to go to work
every single day and i was going to what
we called the steve jobs effect
where i was going to make all other
decisions outside of business i was
going to make you how are going to
handle business you're going to try and
make enough money i was going to be
president of bill you enterprises they
call you ceo yeah of bill you enterprise
yeah yeah
um
and so that felt good and so i was like
i'm going to do this for a year
you really did it as well like you
didn't just sort of ho-hum
your way through it you took it really
seriously
reading the book though was devastating
for me like it i wept openly the first
time i read it other people won't react
that way because it's not their wife but
for me reading what a dark period that
was for you like it really was
wasn't the death of a dream because you
never
gave up fully but it it was sort of that
dark night of the soul where you have no
idea how you're getting back to the
dream
when did it
go from i'm ceo of bill you enterprises
and this feels good to oh my god
how wrong have i let this go babe this
is the thing that freaking haunts me i
can't it's not one day it becomes that
slow
stepping stone pattern that you just
keep repeating and i kept saying to
myself it's only going to be for a year
it's only 12 to 18 months right the
famous story just 12 to 18 months turned
into over eight years
and that's the problem is that it
becomes this slow knock-on effect and
it's like i can do this and you have the
right mindset and you have the right
framing and you're like i'm doing it for
the good of us as a couple of our
marriage we want to make movies together
so you can freaking convince yourself
you can convince yourself of why you're
doing something every single day and
that's the problem before i knew it i
was deep eight years into it and i was
like what the hell happened but the
truth is it never freaking happens
overnight it becomes one little decision
that you make time and time again in the
wrong direction that you end up going
how the hell did i get here um and so
for me it wasn't i was hiding it from
you it wasn't that i was just like at
the beginning it wasn't like oh my god
i've got to [ __ ] suck it up and this
is miserable it really did feel like i'm
doing it for the greater good and every
day you keep telling yourself that until
you almost become
numb to how you're actually feeling is
what i refer to in the book as purgatory
than mundane where my my life was just
mundane and every time i started to
question what the [ __ ] am i doing with
my life what happened to the movies that
we said we were gonna make i would
soothe myself and the soothing would be
to remind myself that um it's for the
greater good that i made a promise to
you that um i'm taking care of you i'm a
good housewife like that was the belief
that i was given you know as a child i'd
be a good greek housewife
so you just convince yourself every day
and when i started to um question it
the ungratefulness would come up well
how ungrateful am i i've got a husband
that loves me babe
you i know how lucky i am to have you
who loves me as much as you do and i'm
so freaking grateful for that and for me
to look around and be like i'm miserable
like i would tell myself how i'm
grateful you you're living in america
you always want to live there you're
married to literally the man of your
dreams i didn't have to work right we
had a nice little apartment you were
going out and working you were paying
the bills i didn't have to work and so
every day i was telling myself i'm so
freaking ungrateful for me to rattle the
cage and this is a thing that is really
um haunting me that we talk about a lot
of gratitude right in the space that
we're in and motivation it's like we
need to be grateful for what we have
making sure that we're using and we're
thinking about things in a positive
perspective so every time you may feel
bad about your life it's like no look at
gratitude i get it the problem is it
kept me there because i kept using
gratitude as a thing to go to every time
i felt sad or numb or like what has
happened to my life it filled the hole
and that wow
and that's how you blink and in eight
years you just go i didn't
i'm not even living the life i want
anymore all right my friend i have a big
announcement my incredible and talented
wife lisa is about to launch her new
book radical confidence in it she has
managed to perfectly capture the process
of how to go from feeling lost and
insecure to taking control of your life
and doing amazing things despite feeling
fear sometimes a lot of fear now let me
tell you nobody knows lisa better than
me but when i read radical confidence
for the first time and heard her
describe what it was like for her to go
from having these big exciting dreams as
a kid to then as an adult scheduling her
life around the tv shows that she wanted
to watch or how lonely and isolated she
felt instead of pursuing her dreams it
was brutal for me i would never say
though that it was worth it for her to
go through all of that just so that she
could write something down that allows
others to avoid it but i will say that
at least she was able to capture the
strategies that she used to break out of
that rut find her voice and begin doing
incredible things despite her
insecurities and fears that she wasn't
going to be good enough to achieve great
things order your copy today because if
you act now you can claim the bonuses
that lisa has created for you at
radicalconfidence.com then once you've
done that we'll get back to today's
episode alright guys read the book and
get ready to be the hero of your own
life peace out
[Music]
that's really interesting i've actually
i totally get that but i've never heard
anybody say that gratitude ended up sort
of bamboozling them into living a life
that was less than they could live
what do you think about that now what's
your relationship to gratitude are you
cautious of using it because it
gratitude is certainly a
i have an interesting relationship to it
as well it's really powerful and it's
something that can help you like
remember to focus on the right things
but it can like you said it can be a
salve that maybe keeps you somewhere
less than where you could be how do you
think about it now i think that you
should be grateful for things and when
you are and you identify them they're
beautiful but it doesn't negate all the
things that are miserable in your life
and that you're unhappy with and so for
me if i'm actually unhappy with
something in my life i just address what
am i going to do about it right so being
ungrateful like i can't believe you know
like all this [ __ ] keeps happening to me
and then going oh hang on a minute look
at the amazing things that really helps
me pivot from a negative mindset to a
positive one
but when i look at certain things when
we deal with business and goals and
actually achieving something i look at
it and say well can i change something
here is this in my control and i never
asked myself that in um back when i was
a stay-at-home wife i never asked myself
well hang on a minute just because
you're absolutely head over heels in
love with your husband and you're very
grateful for having such a wonderful
life with him
i'm freaking miserable over here and i
absolutely have every right to highlight
and say hey this doesn't feel right this
isn't a fulfilling life for me and it
doesn't negate how grateful i am is to
have you in my life as my husband
but i want more over here and i can do
something about it i never told myself i
could do something about it or gave
myself the space to allow myself to then
make a change
the big thing in reading the book for me
was so i know how i interpret what you
went through i know my half of the
equation i remember coming home and
saying to you don't ask me about my day
i was so profoundly unhappy
and was just really trying to make
something magical happen for us and of
course anybody that knows a sort of
post-success doesn't understand where we
started
did not have money broke clipping
coupons like the whole nine and
the success ends up coming way later i
mean we were married for 13 14 years
before we really had any
like a real appreciable success
and
obviously i know what it was like to be
on my side but not yours
one of the times that i've been most
emotionally distraught in my life was
before you stepped in front of the
camera i said no one's gonna ever
understand like i started getting
accolades i'm like no one is ever gonna
understand
how
much you have contributed to my success
and now that you've stepped in front of
the camera i don't worry about that
anymore but i really did at one point
and what i want to know is
you
started the chain reaction that ended up
leading to
the big change that ends up becoming
quest where
i'd come home so many times and said
don't ask me about my day that you
finally said your unhappiness is now
starting to damage the marriage you need
to make a change
and that
snapped me out of because i had been
telling you
12 to 18 months for years that like six
and a half years by the time you laid
that down
and
how did you get that courage was it
because you were doing it for my
happiness because in the beginning you
weren't self-protective you've become
self-protective
did you leverage me as a way to
get to that like you wouldn't be able to
do it for yourself because i think a lot
of people
are stuck there like if they're they
feel selfish doing it for themselves
they feel ungrateful doing it for
themselves but you found that little
thing that you could peel away which was
he's unhappy
yeah it's interesting in looking back
because the truth is is that yes 100
for years and years and years it was
we're doing it for the dream and then
that dream ended up turning into i
started seeing you loving business and
getting stronger and more confident and
you're working on your mind so i saw the
progression being a positive effect on
you but then that that positive effect
ended up being um destructive and so you
were coming home hating your work hating
your life and it got to the point like i
could coach myself through it i can
i find pride and you know this in being
the freaking strong badass behind you i
don't i'm not like i don't see that as a
negative i love being your support
system and you being out there and me
being like your cheerleader and like
hell yeah
and i always have and so
a when you first started i was like this
is you know i'm your cheerleader we're
going to do this together but you know
we're doing it for a cause
and it makes you happy and then that
makes me happy
but over time i started to realize it
was no longer bringing you happiness and
we were no longer working towards our
goal
but you kept saying babe this is
important i really want this and the one
thing i always said is i know i married
an ambitious man
and
i remember seeing people divorce
as i got older
and i always thought like
who's changing their pitch up halfway
through the marriage and look i changed
my pitch up in our marriage um which we
can talk about but i was like i know who
you are you're so ambitious you've told
me your dreams you've told me your life
goals and so just because i've got a
ring on my finger does not mean that all
of a sudden now you need to be home at 6
00 pm and you know living the life that
i want we were in this together it was a
partnership and i always saw it as a
partnership
until it got to the point where it no
longer felt like a partnership i never
no longer felt like my supporting you
was actually doing you any good you were
still freaking miserable and then the
final piece that i swear i would
this is what it's interesting this is
where i'll put myself first
don't mess with my relationship with my
husband
whether it's my husband messing with it
or somebody else yeah and that almost
became that final that draw that line
and i said
i will support you but you have now
crossed the line where you're messing
with my relationship and the thing that
i pride the most is me and you money can
come and go anything like there's no
prediction of the world
but my relationship with you is by far
the most important thing and when i saw
that it was now being messed with and it
was becoming dangerous and now me and
you were pulling apart and i could start
to feel like i don't if we don't do
something now are we gonna get to the
point where there's no coming back
and i had let my life do that right with
the eight years of just going with the
motion i won't do that with my marriage
and so i think that that's where it came
from the last straw where i was like if
something doesn't change mean you're in
trouble
and that i pride myself on that's my
responsibility as well as yours
now i need to fix your hair
and then
i try to pause to make sure
of course so
now for me
what gets really interesting is so it
there's like a fumbly bit in there where
neither of us really know how to make
good on this we're planning to move to
greece we're going to do what we love
and what fills us up we get obsessed
with this idea that the struggle is
guaranteed but the success is not so
like what would we the funny thing is
it's all the things we talk about now
but we had to suffer for us to put these
pieces into place
but the whole idea of
what would you do and love every day
even if you were failing
and so we were gonna move to greece and
i was gonna write and but my question is
so
you have this dream of okay we want to
become filmmakers
but you end up going on an
entrepreneurial journey and how did you
begin to piece together
all the tools that you outline in the
book like how did you begin to bring
those together did it did do you feel
like you already had a growth mindset
and so as you got drawn into the
business that it was like oh i know what
to do here or were you stumbling one
foot in front of the other stumbling one
foot in front of the other
um and it's actually really important
because this is something i want to
credit you for so anyone watching right
now if they've got a partner like if
you've got a growth mindset and maybe
your partner doesn't or isn't there yet
the one thing that was amazing with me
is you were just the proof the proof was
in the pudding you were reading all this
stuff you were looking into mindset
stuff and i saw you change and i saw you
grow and i saw you being someone who was
a little sensitive sometimes and would
maybe get annoyed with me overnight and
complain and complain i didn't want to
say it but yes you're a bit of a
complainer
people do not understand where you and i
started so okay can i be honest okay so
you're a bit of a whiner you would
complain about things and you're a bit
sensitive and um like i remember once i
whispered in your ear something sexy as
well playing a game
and because you you missed it which was
obviously my strategy because i wanted
to win the game you then got annoyed
with me um so for the record my wife
whispered something extraordinarily sexy
in my ear so i would miss a shot at pool
which i then missed and i got angry yes
that's ridiculous but giving context to
who you were is so important so because
people don't know that side of you so i
saw that the former the former side of
you um and i saw the change and i saw
the growth and so
you weren't forcing me you weren't
putting up on me and so that's just a
big tip it's like if anyone wants to
help their partner being a beautiful
example of how it's changing your life
and then you would make these little
suggestions to me that didn't feel
pressure it's like i actually think you
really like this book i know you'll hate
that so it wasn't like you were throwing
things at me so i think slowly i started
to gain a bit of a growth mindset but i
never had words to it and so actually
this takes me two a year ago
bear with me i this i'll bring it all
together a year ago
you came to me covered you got a call
from a literary agent and they asked you
hey would lisa be interested in writing
a book
and you came to me and you came into my
room office and you're like hey can you
believe someone's just said would you
like to write a book and i was like do
you remember i said yes of course i was
like oh that's nice
you said something far more terrifying
than that but then you're like what the
hell is wrong with you like did you just
hear what i said and i said who would
buy a book from me
now the reason it was a year ago that
was a year ago just so people don't
think that that voice goes away right
so aid the negative voice and in that
moment because i've done so much work on
myself i was like oh bless her she's
still there like i didn't beat myself up
over it
but the thing the wolf the fear was i
was like i don't know what i would write
about i'm not an expert in anything like
literally that was what i was like babe
i don't have anything to teach like i
kind of just do my own thing i get in
front of the camera and i
say what i think and that's it from my
perspective that's hilarious but i get
how people can be blind to their own
skills and yes maybe so but i was
completely insecure and so
in writing the book i realized all the
things and tools that i used so going
back to your question of was i stumbling
it took me
to have to write the book to go oh
because i'm literally just trying to
stumble you you fall on your face how
the hell do you get up
you have 40 employees with some of them
that are ex-convicts they're six foot
five and here's me little british girl
that's trying to command a room i don't
freaking know what i'm doing so i'm just
figuring it out so i'm like oh okay um
well just shouting at them doesn't work
no one can respect me i tried that
didn't work um i freaking love hip hop i
love tupac is like my favorite rapper
and these guys were just talking about
tupac what if i just play the song on
the system and then like have a like a
whole like competition and like give
three quest balls away to the team on
who can pack quicker so i walk into our
quest facility not knowing what i was
doing i blast the music i remember you
guys are all just like lisa we can hear
the music from next door but i was like
i don't care so i blast the music and
i'm like all right who wants to win a
box of quest bars who can pack faster
let's go and then by the end of it i'm
like that was a great motivational way
of like getting everyone motivated and
getting everyone excited but i just
freaking figured it out because i tried
other things i thought okay well if i'm
all official like the you know the
business books say like maybe i'll do
that and nothing worked so i just
figured it out and so when i started to
write the book and write each chapter i
was like these are the tools there were
10 things of ways of the things that
were getting in my freaking way that
would stop me from living the life i
wanted and these 10 things are exactly
what took me from being at home
supporting you day in day out and my
life's mission was do you have clothes
when you wake up and do you have lunch
when you go to work and when you come
home do you have dinner on the table
that was where i started and then
literally
in you know this time that we've had
together
i figured things out but not
traditionally and that was the key
because i'm like i just have to say
what's real
the messiness of thinking about how you
know the the negative voice in my head
that's always mean to me it's just a
messy situation of how on earth do you
stop her from being so cruel so that you
can take those steps forward and i just
tried a bunch of [ __ ] and saw stuck and
the thing that stuck is what i wrote in
the book and just like this is how you
explore it as well it's not just this is
what i did and that's exactly what you
should do it's the
hey meditation didn't work for me but
lifting in the gym did so what is that
version of meditation for you so i've
taken things and i've said this is how
you think about it and this is how you
move forward to live the life you want
how do people get the courage to dream
their real dream
cool
how do you get the courage yeah so when
you're starting out and so one of the
things that i love about the book is
so for people that don't know the
thumbnail sketch of the
the biography is so you train as a
filmmaker
and you end up generating wealth as a
protein bar manufacturer like the gap
between those is pretty bizarre
and you
you ran shipping like if they could see
what you did in terms of being in a hair
net all day working around forklifts you
had a bunch of ex-convicts as employees
things you detail in the book but it's
it was it's just dramatically removed
from what they know you as now or where
you started what you trained as how you
grew up i mean it's just as far away
from that as possible so you get drug
into it slowly right so it starts with
hey we're gonna make protein bars nights
and weekends help us manufacture in this
kitchen that we rented by the hour so
you would weigh ingredients and you
would come and help make the bars then
it was hey we need somebody to ship
these but it's like one a day you start
doing that and then it's hey we can't
even do this out of our house anymore
you're gonna have to do it out of my
partner's garage and then it was like we
can't do in the garage anymore we have
to get a facility and then it was like
you're not going to be able to be by
yourself anymore we need racks and
forklifts and employees and all of a
sudden what a year or two years later
you've got 4d 4-0 employees you've never
had an employee before ever in your life
you have 40 employees we're doing by the
time you left shipping we were doing 80
million in revenue so i mean it was like
like this monstrous machine
and
you never got overwhelmed
i'm sure you were tempted i'm sure there
were times where i mean i know you go to
it in the book where you were
just in over your head you have no idea
what you're doing
but you kept solving problems and you
call that out in the book and this is i
mean for me this is like the life stance
figure out how to solve problems
if you can figure out how to solve
problems then you can dream your dream
but how did you get yourself in the
mindset of solving problems that for me
when i started noticing how you approach
the world i was like
oh [ __ ]
like
some switch flipped in your head at some
point
and you stopped and this of course is a
chapter
um oh the chapter title is
no one's coming to save you basically
there's a better title than that but
that's the idea you have to save
yourself
when did that click for you
so there's a lot of questions in there
so first of all i want to go to
the
the reason one of the biggest things of
why i wrote this book was really the
thinking of the people that are stuck in
purgatory the mundane were every day and
they don't realize like me
what if quest hadn't come babe i live in
utter fear that if quest hadn't given me
that reason to step out of my comfort
zone to step out of what i was already
doing
and put me in uncomfortable situations
every single freaking day that then
taught me oh my god
i'm actually pretty good at this like
i'm actually i'm actually not doing it
so other people give me accolades i
actually can feel good about it myself
quest was that thing for me
it was the thing that forced me into
seeing that but what if that didn't
happen and that's what i'm trying to get
with this book so
how did i break it it was literally
every day so first of all you come home
my wonderful hubby is that all right
babe we're going to do a star protein
bar company and our house is up for
collateral and that was the big that was
the first thing oh crap
it's do or die it's do or die we lose
our house all you know we make it work
yeah we make it work and
in that moment i had the mindset of i
was a good greek housewife that doesn't
let my husband down and i go all in on
stuff whether it's good or not and so i
went all in on
basically i i felt good about feeling
needed so when you turn to me and you're
like babe i really need your help to
help ship bars off the living room floor
to help make i felt good about it
because i was helping you and over time
i started to realize what i was made of
i started to realize the skill sets that
i was learning i started to realize what
knock on effect that had so it all
started with being uncomfortable just
doing it to be make you proud to save
our house and that started to evolve and
that evolution became instead of doing
it to save my house it became a mission
for me and it became
i mean
i grew up with a mum who was
you know anorexic or borderline anorexic
and when i had that
britney burgundy send us an email where
she had been in the hospital she was 40
pounds
she was 40 pounds that's terrifying and
she was on her deathbed
and she managed to get to get herself
back to somewhat healthy and she said
quest bars made me okay with calories
again
and thank you for building a community
that can accept me
that's just one of many many things
letters that we got and i started to
realize all these things that i was
doing like figuring out how to motivate
my team so we can get orders out on time
figuring out how to do shipping to um
dubai
for justin bieber
figuring out how the hell i built
um racks to put protein bars on how i do
first in first out i had no idea no idea
what i was doing
but as i started to learn
i started to go
well would you rather be stuck here and
not figure this out or would you rather
be uncomfortable figure it out and help
the anorexic community would you rather
go well i don't know because now i've
hit a brick wall and i'm feeling
uncomfortable because my skill sets have
taken me as far as i'm gonna go and do i
throwing my hands up
and if i did that's okay
but could i live with that idea that i
would rather be comfortable than help
the anorexic community i'd rather be
comfortable than have to help the
diabetic community i'd rather be
comfortable than help the obese
community and that just wasn't okay with
me and every time i felt like i was
hitting a big brick wall i started to
realize oh my god this is a mission i
have a purpose this is actually bigger
than me
and that was so thrilling and opened up
a world to me i never thought existed
in the book you call that making your
mission possible
little play there like your style
um
but
did you
start putting pieces together was it a
conscious choice that okay i'm gonna let
this mean something to me like how for
people that are listening to this
that don't have a mission
how do they get one
well we know that you can't find your
mission right baby
um
but why can't you find your mission
because it's not just like under a
cushion it's like you have to try new
things
um
i mean you have to experiment i never
would have thought i mean to your point
earlier is part of your question you
were like people you're talking about
making movies normally suddenly you're
talking about protein bar and that
started this life journey for you and
it's just like i never would have
thought it and what i started to realize
was what was really impacting me even as
a kid was that i was doing something
that was affecting people and i had an
ability to affect people and so when i
say that filmmaking is beautiful you can
use sound and visuals and editing and
all of that to make someone cry to make
someone laugh to make someone laugh with
tears like you literally have that
ability just with content and so what i
started to realize is having an impact
on people and actually giving someone a
feeling was what i was looking for and i
freaking loved that and so as i started
to assess
what i was doing and the filmmaking part
of it i was like actually that isn't
the thing that was pulling my heart the
thing that's pulling my heart is helping
people and i think i got there because i
ended up stumbling into it so i think
anyone that maybe doesn't have a mission
you just got to try stuff because even
like the book i know literally when you
came to me about writing the book and i
was like i've never even dreamed about
being an author like that hasn't it
wasn't on my bucket list so i was like
wow do i really want to write a book
and it's like try it you never know and
now i'm like i freaking loved writing a
book but i never would have known if i
hadn't tried it so i think if people
don't know what is pulling at their
heartstrings you have to try a bunch of
things and then assess what is the thing
that's going to literally pull you out
of bed in the morning when you're
feeling tired when you're facing your
inadequacies when you're falling on your
face and you don't know what you're
doing and you're getting people saying i
told you so
what is that thing that is going to pull
at your heartstrings that is going to
get you to keep going and if you don't
have that you have to try a bunch of
things until you figure it out
so now that you've gone through this i
mean you've done it many times but the
book is a really concrete example of
late in the game somebody presents an
idea to you who am i to do that negative
voice uh you've no confidence in it
the reason that
that the whole idea of radical
confidence is so interesting to me is
look maybe there really are people like
maybe elon musk just does not doubt
himself he's got so much intellect he's
like i know i can do whatever i set my
mind to but that has not been my
experience that i have to have a belief
system that even though i don't feel the
emotion even though my negative voice is
kicking in that i can lean back on this
belief system
what do you use
when you encounter something that you
doubt yourself on
you don't have confidence on what's the
mechanisms that you use to get yourself
into the position of radical confidence
where despite that fear you're able to
move forward all right can i use you as
an example all right so
you're amazing in front of the cat i
mean you're amazing in a way but in
front of the camera and look um i put my
life on that
um so
you really truly are next level and look
a lot of people say it you're not new to
hearing that
and so when it came to me being in front
of the camera the pressure i put on
myself and i'm like you're so good
everyone's gonna expect me to be as good
as you i need to be as good as you and
then i realized hey that's the pressure
i'm putting on myself no one freaking
said a word now maybe they were thinking
it but that's me in my own head because
i so admired you now that feeling can
actually be paralyzing because it's like
people just going to compare with you to
him lee so you shouldn't get in front of
the camera right there's that or can i
use you as the best guide and motivation
on how to keep going forward and so i
decided to use it as motivation so a
i've already seen you behind the scenes
work through your own anxiety about
going on stage speaking on camera and
things like that and you've spoken about
it openly so a you're a wonderful
um
proof and i think that's important right
someone else who has been there someone
else who has done it
so that was the first thing
i had hell do i actually get in front of
the camera because even if i coach
myself even if i say okay i really want
to do this
but i'm scared
i can let you get in my way but i won't
i'll use you as motivation but how do i
still get in front of the camera how do
i shut that negative voice up and that's
where we go back to like you've got to
have a plan you've got to have a
strategy of what i'm actually going to
do
so
in fact can i take you through tedx
please all right so tedx
i was petrified i started doing more and
more content but i was always petrified
of getting on stage and you were the one
that was like but babe if you want to
impact people you know the stage is a
really powerful place to do that so i
started to address that and i was like
lisa give yourself grace you don't have
to get on stage even if you want to
create impact but you have to
acknowledge
that you are choosing to not go on stage
which will actually have an uh an effect
on how much i can impact that's okay
maybe i prefer to keep myself
comfortable i just have to make that
decision but i have to do it with my
eyes wide open instead of in five and
ten years looking back and saying like
god why haven't i impacted that many
people i know oh it's because you didn't
get on stage lisa so i just decided
getting on stage is a must but how the
hell do you do it i've seen you on stage
you're so freaking mind blowing and so
how the hell am i going to get on stage
not compare myself to you
but use you as my tool
and so i said okay step number one is
i've got to just accept to getting on
stage so i made the commitment to myself
the very next person that reaches out
that wants me to do public speaking i'm
just going to say yes
because i'm scared babe i'm so fearful
and i just have to say yes i can't get
in my own head so i made that wall and
of course the very next person the
bloody reached out was tedx so i wasn't
expecting i was like oh crap
couldn't it have been like a high school
you know small class um but i made the
commitment and so if i said no to that
now i'm just i'm letting myself so at
this point you're anchoring off the
mission so i've got a mission i want to
impact people
so that's like the tugging of the
heartstrings then okay i'm going to make
myself a promise and i'm the type of
person that's high integrity so i make
this promise and you of course told me
so now it's out in the world
so you're building this momentum
basically forcing you because what's
interesting is i'm beginning to get this
thread of like you need a bit of do or
die yeah you need the house to be online
you need to be a good wife i must do
this to
get myself on stage i have to be
thinking about the people that i could
help that and i know you you're holding
like real images of real people and the
amount of suffering and struggling that
they're going through and you have ideas
that might be useful to them
so that's like how you're building this
yeah that's interesting the do or die
it's true yeah because i get in my own
head
and it's in those moments where it's do
or die it's like all right lisa well
what's more important to you no
judgement like literally no judgment but
just ask yourself what is more important
to you helping the their negative exit
community or helping
people who are depressed right that's
that's our big thing like the creating
impact with people who struggle with
mental health issues and so what is more
important no judgment no pressure but is
it more important to help this person
over here who may be your mom lisa
because i can very much relate to that
or is it more important to make sure
that you're not uncomfortable and
petrified and going on stage because
what if if your own you know um my
insecurities are just too crippling and
that's actually more important to me
right now than helping people just own
air
i don't want that crippling anxiety of
like oh my god but i should be and i
should no no
look at the situation with your eyes
wide open and make a decision
and so in those moments i just asked
myself what's more important helping
these people
or
and you know the anxiety i'm feeling
about getting on stage and i was like
it just doesn't sit well with me to not
go on stage so i'd made that commitment
to myself thank you for breaking that
down
um
and now
how the hell do you actually step on
stage
because going through the stages is one
thing to say yes
it's a whole other thing to fly to the
event
prepare for a speech
get on stage and give it
and i it's just the crippling feeling i
mean even now like my stomach's doing
nice just talking about it
um
and so
i had to have a plan so it basically is
what are the tours that are going to
help me
get on
stage and so
a few of them are the way that i dress
my hair style i wear this wonder woman
necklace
and i wear this wonder woman necklace on
purpose now we talk very much about
leaning into the thing that we want
nothing happens by accident right we
cultivate meaning to certain things and
that can be either extremely beautiful
or it can actually be detrimental to us
so how do we actually do it on purpose
so i took my wonder woman necklace and
over time i would see in the mirror and
i was like yes i'm wonder woman
you're the superhero of your own life
lisa and i repeat that
and repetition becomes habit so i see my
necklace i repeat what it means to me i
do that enough it now actually starts to
mean something to me and so what i did
before i got on stage is i suit up
like wonder woman does with her cape
like she does with her cuffs i put my on
my big watch i got my necklace on i do
my hair and it becomes this stepping
stone of i repeat to myself you're
wonder woman you've got this and then
you where did that idea come from so you
refer to it as your bad [ __ ] boots
when did this start becoming a thing for
you the idea of sort of armoring up and
signaling to yourself because in the
book you refer to yourself as ordinary
woman
in reference specifically to wonder
woman yeah you're saying i'm not wonder
woman i'm ordinary woman i struggle with
this stuff and i wish people could have
seen you because i think they would be
more inclined because here's here is my
big fear with radical confidence so
people will glance at it and be like i'm
not radically confident sure it's fine
for her you know look at she's got this
crazy bold hairdo and these tight pants
and these you know insane boots people
like that yeah of course like things
come easily but if they could have seen
you in the bedroom when you were
practicing your speech for tedx and you
were terrified tariff one voice was like
when it was just you and i and bless you
and practicing over and over and over
that's what makes it dope is that you
were
scared yeah and
so walk us through this idea of these
bad [ __ ] so yeah again i i called
them that
because i needed something to keep
motivating me you're sasha fierce
yeah right isn't that what sure yes i'm
sorry
but uh beyonce yeah that was her alter
ego her ego yeah and that's the thing
it's like it becomes a
and thinking of the superhero language
it becomes this part of you that is kind
of a little
shy and embarrassed to say it like it
becomes this alter ego this like
superhero thing which is why i use that
language it doesn't actually become
embarrassing anymore
and so even talking about my cuffs and
building up
it's language that i use on purpose i
say on purpose i'm putting on my cape
because saying otherwise like i'm
putting on my my shoes because i'm
petrified to get on stage it doesn't
quite have a ring to it right like but
to say like i'm putting on my cape so i
got this
it makes a difference i even do the face
um and so with my boots it became like
as i walk
so a i think it started with you you
probably saw them and were like oh my
god you look so sexy right so it's like
someone says something to you you
actually feel it as well
and so when i feel it over time when i
would go and put on these boots these
ones here when i was going put them on
it would usually then be on nights i was
trying to be sexy and we were having
date night so now i'm reinforcing what
they mean to me and how i feel when i
wear them i feel hot i feel sexy i feel
confident so now it becomes a tool
and then how do i lean into it more give
it a freaking name that makes you feel
badass and it's like you've got my bad
[ __ ] boots it just has a ring to it so
i started to say it and then it became
the thing and then now it gets repeated
and now it becomes everyone's like yeah
the bad [ __ ] boots
so how do people at home really lean
into the things they need
the alter ego the the design the things
they wear
but it absolutely works in the opposite
like all these are tools to help you
feel a certain way so if you don't know
which your bad [ __ ] boot or your
version is go into your closet try bunch
on go to freaking target and go in their
shoe section and literally just try
shoes on go into their close section and
try on you don't have to buy stuff like
just try and see what works
and then lean into it hello my friend
you know that i believe success requires
you to see failure as the ultimate
learning tool success requires you to be
disciplined and gritty and to never ever
quit on your dreams i say all of that
because one thing is certain the road to
achieving your goal is not smooth or
linear i wish it was but it's not it's
going to be bumpy sometimes scary some
days you'll take two steps forward and
slide 10 steps back and that's why
success also requires you to know how to
pull yourself out of a rut and get
unstuck fast life is short you can't be
messing around with your goals you've
got to make progress every single day so
i've pulled a class from impact theory
university called how to get unstuck
which you can watch for free with the
link on your screen or by clicking below
when you join me for that free preview
of that workshop from impact theory
university i'm going to teach you my
strategy for how to
understand exactly where you need to be
going how to identify the obstacle
that's blocking you and the best way to
make the most progress towards that goal
and keep your momentum all right click
that link and let's get to work all
right i'll see you on the inside
so that people understand you're not
going to feel
invincible the people that you look at
do not feel invincible it's the people
that are able to overcome that
hesitation the fear
by either okay i have to put myself on
the line i know if i don't do that i'm
not gonna move through i have to hold
myself accountable i need to make this
about integrity i have to practice i
have to
make peace with my negative voice in
fact one of the chapters in your book is
make your negative voice your [ __ ] and
your bff right and to understand that
relationship that you're never going to
be able to make it go away but you have
to be able to understand it to work with
it to leverage it to find a way to still
take the steps and that that's why i
wanted to start with that end quote of
this really is this isn't about getting
rid of fear this is about co-existing
with it there's a john wayne quote
courage isn't the absence of fear it's
saddling up despite it
and so
that idea of like i'm putting on my bad
[ __ ] boots
because i need to construct this mindset
right i need to build my way of thinking
my way of feeling i need to
understand what are those things that
are gonna bring me together in this
moment so that i can figure it out right
and that's the punchline i'm gonna
figure it out it isn't i put on the
boots or i wear a cape and suddenly i am
you know just magically have all the
answers it's that i'm i'm just not gonna
quit i'm not gonna give up i'm going to
have
the courage to stand in this discomfort
long enough to learn
a hundred percent and yes the boots
alone don't do it and sometimes they may
not work if you haven't got all the
tools and you don't know where you're
going or what your your purpose like
your why and how the hell do i just keep
moving forward it's not about feeling
good about myself every day it's not
about how do i get rid of the fear how
do i overcome the fear
it's about how the hell do i impact that
person
and what are the skill sets i need to
build along the way so that i can get to
it and the fear sometimes comes along
with me the insecurity sometimes comes
along with me a lot of the time the the
negative mindset of who the hell do i
think i am
is always there
but i just don't let her stop me and i
use her now to my advantage to help me
get to where i want to go and i think
that that's the biggest thing with um
many people is identifying what is that
end goal what are you actually moving
towards there's two ideas in the book
that i think most people would consider
contradictory
but i think are so important
one is something that people have heard
you say a lot today which is no judgment
no pressure
but the other is one of your chapter
titles is tough in the [ __ ] up buttercup
yeah buddy so how do i reconcile those
or how does somebody that maybe is new
to a growth mindset how do they make
those make sense together
um all right so
why do you say no pressure
because it's your life
and i think that
we feel the pressure of judgment by
others
how other people are going to react or
how i'm going to be perceived that we
make judgments based on the
the worry the concern
and to me it's like it's your life if
you don't want to do this there's no
pressure like it's your freaking life
so i say it to almost shed all the
expectations and the shoulds and musts
that we've so been um you know
programmed to have so i think it's just
so important to say when you ask
yourself these questions you can't put
the pressure on yourself about the
judgment the shame and what will come
from answering it you just need the
truth so by removing the pressure you to
me i was able to answer a lot of the
hard questions in my life that i was so
worried about asking because then you're
able to steer towards what you really
want yeah
so then why toughen the [ __ ] up if it's
really just about hey
live your life
be honest be authentic
uh
it's okay if you don't want to do that
but now imagine someone says i do want