Kind: captions
Language: en
all right dean you and i have about 60
minutes to deal with the fact that we're
either headed into an economic winter or
we are already there yeah i have a
massive amount of paranoia around that
and what that's going to be i think one
percent of people are going to thrive
but 99 of people are going to get just
battered they're really going to
struggle
and there is a quote i hear you
say a lot from tony robbins which is in
the winter
people some people freeze and other
people ski and snowboard yeah so my
question is what is the mindset that
allows somebody to snowboard instead of
freeze
i think to start it's preparation and
anticipation rather than reaction
right wayne gretzky i love that quote
it's been overplayed but it said how is
he so good at playing hockey he said
most people skate to where the puck is i
learned to skate to where the puck was
going
and i think if we anticipate and know
you know so many people we both know
been in business for 15 years or less
they really don't understand it so
they're more scared of the unknown and
if you're a study of history you can
understand it's a cycle it's happening
and winter is here i don't i think
winter is here we just all haven't felt
the effects yet and when you go through
a time like that the reason tony and i
are working together and
doing events and helping people is
because
there's some industries like you said
that are gonna they're gonna be at the
spring time they're gonna exponentially
grow and if you saw warren buffett in
his yearly presentation i don't know if
you saw it probably four weeks ago he
said inflation is here
and
a recession is inevitable and there's a
couple of things you can do
to thrive during a recession during
inflation and he said one of them the
most important thing is be a part of an
industry or start a business
that has high margins
so the reason tony and i are sharing so
much and i'm so passionate about this
because i've been in this industry for
25 years is how cool would it be to have
a business that you don't need to
inventory you don't need to ship it you
don't have to worry about supply chain
it's probably one of the most valuable
assets you have valuable that you own it
and other people want it you could sell
it over and over again you have to put
the limited supply i know that's what
i'm saying and what it is
is selling information
it's selling your experience that's what
tony's been doing for 40 years i've been
doing for 25. you think about it how
much has information or learning from
other people impacted you in your life i
know what i know how to study
yeah and it's it's such a valuable asset
and it's not just us anymore right uh
four years ago the industry and let's
call it the self-education industry the
influencer industry the the upskill
industry
selling knowledge uh four years ago is
about 100 million a day industry a day a
day right now it's a billion a day it's
about 340 billion a year industry and i
just read this weekend it's heading
towards a trillion dollars by 2028 a day
or a year a year the trillion will be a
year right now it's at a billion a day
about 340 billion dollars a year and why
that is is i don't think people have
time for general education anymore they
want specialized knowledge so instead of
going back to school instead of trying
to learn on their own
they're saying hey who's already been
there tom already built a business look
what he did with quest what will tom
share with me and how can i pay tom to
extract that or if i mean we've helped
people in 4 500 different niches whether
it's going through a divorce going vegan
doing yoga better or finding self-love
again or healing through trauma
somebody has been through that
experience
and the world is seeing that they can
find a way to unlock it share it impact
others and create success and i think in
a time of recession whether it's the
self-education industry but it's
definitely a time you must investigate
because it is scary i was in business in
09 i was in when the world shifted i was
in business in 07. kind way of saying it
when the world shifted i mean it was and
it was brutal for a lot of people
um and i know that sounds almost uh
insensitive to say some people starve
and some people ski but i think the
foundation is we must get our mindset
right we must prepare and say it's
coming you can't make it worse than it
is and you can't make it better than it
is we must face the reality it's coming
and like winston churchill said those
that don't understand the past are bound
to repeat it so learn about it what's
happening prepare emotionally to be more
of that i feel like i'm saying too many
silly stains but there's stick in my
head it's be more of the thermostat of
life rather than the thermometer address
it but then it's time to investigate and
say where can i where can i sell
something that does that has higher
margins how can i impact others and how
can i you know thrive in this shifting
world and i think that's why we're kind
of pounding the pavement right now
because it's it's a time for everybody
to either start a self-education
industry bolt it on to your current
business
or at least explore and see if it's
something for you i want to go back to
the
the mindset because so i know what you
guys are doing with the five day
challenge free time to thrive challenge
gonna be incredible i know you guys do
amazing stuff
but most people won't even show up
because the way that they think about
the world is going to lock them up in
fear
and as somebody who i know you have been
successful but you've also been through
struggles
so in the times where you struggled
what was happening that sort of blocked
you up was it fear was it uh the
self-narrative whatever and then what
did you do
to finally break out of that to start
getting really really great question um
you know to this day i i
i've been reflecting on this a lot
lately because i'm 53 years old
and i still have that inner self-doubt i
still have that voice that says hey
we're not going to make this people are
going to figure out you're not that
smart how the hell did you get where you
are
right now and that voice has been
screaming at me for 50 years or 45 years
but it's always wrong and
here's what i do know is when you watch
the news right now it's so horrific you
can't watch whatever channel you're on
liberal conservative down the middle
you're moderate doesn't matter what you
watch it's horrific news we go from a
pandemic to inflation and potential
recession
and from crypto and stock markets
crashing
and what i think is whatever inner self
doubt we have it magnifies it and we
just have to realize that it does i find
myself even going down a path of
worrying more than i have even though i
feel financially said and and everything
can uh you know whatever happens the
outside world i think i'm fine and we
just have to identify
that we've already been through
courageous times we've already or i
should say we've already been courageous
in scary times we've already found
courage when we didn't know we had it
and for me
if i if i share what's gotten me through
it it's just a little exercise on i i go
through a process of why the hell am i
doing what am i do i'm doing and i have
a i have three reasons that i do it and
i think we all have to find that next
level reason because things do get hard
and the outside world can be crazy and
your friends are going to start freaking
out and to have that ability to thrive
we must go inside and get out of our
head and get into our heart for me that
little transition is three things i
never want to go backwards i didn't like
being broke as a kid i didn't like my
mom working three jobs to make nothing
and coming home late so i feel like i
got this innate feeling of i don't want
to go back to that life
number two is i want my kids to have
choices i'm blessed that my kids are
here with me today last time i was here
four years ago my son came now both my
kids are 15 and 13 now i don't want
entitled children but i want them to
have choices
and then the last thing is i want to be
in control of my life and these are mine
right
my parents were married nine times when
i was a kid by the time i was 20 i moved
20 times by the time i was 20 years old
so new step parents new step
grandparents new house new school new
bike and all of it always was taken away
with the next divorce
so again that's a little
digging into my own life
but i never want anybody to be in
control of my life i never want to be
left behind i don't want to skate to
where the puck used to be because that
means maybe i can't take my kids with me
when i do a trip like this i take my
kids to school every day of my life i
pick them up every day they have school
i coach little league i'm there for
softball
those things i'd rather die than not be
available for that
we we get to chat a lot with our with
our wives my wife's name is lisa too i
love her more than anything she's my
favorite human in the whole world
and if i lose control maybe i can't
have those times with her and have date
nights and work on being a better man i
messed up in my last relationship i'm
not messing this one up and i want to
continue to be a better man and i have
to work on me to continue to show up to
be a man that deserves a woman like that
so when i think of that i can get
emotional right now because
when i think about that tom having a bad
day a bad week an economic winter
things going wrong on the outside i
can't just sit on my hands and hope
somebody's coming to save me hope that
things will get better i don't have that
option because i want to be the man for
my wife i want to be that father and i
want to be the friend that i am and the
leader with my team so i must find a new
mindset i must be courageous i must jump
out of the plane and grow wings on the
way down but not just courageous the
reason you know i started today talking
about that that industry i don't care
what industry it is or what people do
tony and i want to show people what
we've been doing for 60 years but more
than that i want people to not sit on
their hands to say hey why am i here why
do i want another level what again for
me not going backwards my kids and and
having control i'd chew through a brick
wall i'll read every book possible i'll
talk to amazing people like you and
other friends i'll get in masterminds
i'll get in workshops i'll read because
i can't let that control go away
what's interesting to me so coming at it
from uh a psychology perspective people
talk a lot about fight or flight right
so you're you're coming into the
economic winter we're in the economic
winter and your two options are to
fight or to run away but the reality is
it's actually fight flight or freeze
and the fact that people can through
their own self-narrative what they focus
on what they tell themselves they can
actually get themselves to the point
where they're freezing and i can find
myself there sometimes when there's so
much going on in my business i have so
many things i don't even want to look at
my text messages and i can feel like my
hand doesn't even want to pick up my
phone
and i'm like wow like there's really
something at the the motor cortex of
your brain level
that has from uh back when we were you
know lizards
that it will actually stop you from
moving and so that idea of sitting on
your hands
there's a reason that's become the
phrase that people can actually get to
the point where they can't
get
movement going right and so the thing
that i've always considered myself to be
good at is generating momentum like the
ability to get something started and
it's way harder than people think
but
to even take that first step sometimes
when we're in the middle of something
that's really difficult it requires
people to get a hold of what they allow
themselves to think and repeat
and i know you went through a phase when
you're going through your divorce you
were having flashbacks to what it was
like for you as a kid you didn't want
your kids going through the same thing
and so you start having panic attacks
and just really becomes this like brutal
period of your life
i know the punch line because i know
what you did to get out of that but
do you remember okay i'm i'm having this
just overwhelming sense of anxiety how
did you begin to unwind that
psychologically so you could move
forward yeah really great question and
and i love the fact that we know each
other and can share that because this is
the best interviews come when you speak
from the heart and and i appreciate that
you always ask the best questions
you know when i think back
when you're in the middle of it that
there was someone who described it to me
this way when you're going through an
anxious period a nervous period
sitting on your hands or freezing feel
those emotions i think everybody gets
them like you said goes all the way back
to the lizard brain
somebody explained it this time when
things are going good
we can peek out of like like a submarine
or peek our head out of the out of their
day-to-day and we can look forward to
our compelling future and go oh my god
it's right there i see it it's like a
lighthouse i see the lighthouse we're on
track you go back down and you do the
work right it's like that's what compel
i can see it somebody said to me once
when you're in an anxious space when
you're worrying when that lizard brain
comes someone shuts the hatch
and you can't lift up to see that
compelling future anymore all you're
seeing is what's certain what's right in
front of you and what could go wrong
now i never really had that in my
business life
and i could never understand why people
didn't take that initiative why didn't
create a compelling future i always said
to myself people are afraid to start the
business or scale the business but
wouldn't they be more afraid to be at
the end of their life
and see the man or woman they could have
been by because and so that would always
drive me in business and say yes i'm
scared but i'm moving forward anyway yes
i'm scared of this recession but i'm
moving forward anyway i'm going to
investigate i'm going to move and then
god the universe whatever you believe in
gives you a lesson and shows you an
another level of empathy and compassion
what is up my friend you and i are
living in a golden era of
self-improvement we have books platforms
like youtube courses seminars virtual
events workshops the list really is
endless the internet has been so good
for people like you and me who want to
accomplish greater and greater things in
life and now my friend it is about to
get even better i've been spending most
of this year working on the single most
entertaining tool that you're ever going
to have around self-improvement and it
is called project kaizen it's a web 3
based game experience that will be
unlike anything else you've ever engaged
with in your life partly because the
technology is new and it's amazing if
you're not familiar with blockchain nfts
and all of that kaizen is going to be
the perfect introduction for you as it
is an excellent intersection of
entertainment and learning all backed by
the blockchain we're getting closer and
closer to launching this project for you
every single day we are working our
faces to the bone to get this thing out
there and my friend
i want you to experience it so click the
link on your screen and head on over to
my discord channel to stay up to date
and be one of the first to join me
inside of project kaizen which by the
way gets its name from the japanese term
of never ending improvement all right
back to today's episode
my previous wife and i decided to
divorce we had tried to make it work for
about five years and it was officially
over and someone closed the hatch on me
and for the first time my life i wasn't
anxious i was having anxiety attacks
just as you said
i was popping a xanax twice a week i
don't even take aspirin i didn't take
tylenol i'd drink a glass of wine three
days a week to try to calm down because
again
repeating what you said i started
thinking about the stress i went through
at a young age and said well i'm just
repeating it i'm going to put these kids
in that place i'm going to be fragmented
from them i won't be this connected
father that i had a desire to do
and what changed that
was starting to think about just what i
said earlier who do i want to be at the
end of my life do i want to be someone
where my kids again i'm not an advocate
of divorce but do i want my kids at the
end of their lives
to see a father and mother who were
friends they never held hands they
didn't have connection they slept in two
separate rooms
somebody said to me and i think it was
tony said what if your daughter ended up
in the same relationship you're in how
would that feel
and when he said that it changed i left
florida i flew home
had that conversation and we did it but
as we separated i'm gonna you ask the
question and if i'm going too deep reel
me in but i moved into another house
and we were amicable and
no ugliness at all but i moved into a
house my kids came over the first
weekend
and
they left and i never shared this
publicly ever i looked over and my kids
shoes were at the front door
but they weren't there
and there was no noise
and it was quiet
and i had the first panic attack in my
life something just triggered me and i
couldn't be in the house without noise i
had i had to have a radio plane in every
single room i had to have tvs on it was
the weirdest thing tom like i felt like
i got to 47 years old and i made it and
something just snapped and it was over
and when you go through those periods
you don't know if you can come back you
don't know because the lid is shut you
can't see your compelling future of
being in love and being happy and so the
thing that i did in that moment was i
started thinking about a future trying
to get a compelling future but most of
all and this is what
i did and if it can help you in today's
shift especially where things are going
with the economy and we have friends
that are losing lots of money and things
like that
is i started thinking about
yes it is what it is but how can i
how can i find the thing that's actually
causing the angst in me right it's not
necessarily that we're going through a
recession
and not necessarily that i'm going
through a divorce and i kept digging
why is this divorce affected me and i
got all the way down and i made a list
of all the things that would bugging me
one was sunday meetings with my kids i
had them since they were three years old
every other sunday i can't have that
meeting i used to pick them up from
school i travel a lot for business at
the time what if i come back
and i don't get my kids that week and i
go two weeks or three weeks without
seeing my kids and what if their mom
talks bad about me behind my back and
what if i can never meet anybody they'll
love my kids like
like
i love them right and i start when
you're in that place all at least for me
all i could think about tom was all the
things that happened to me as a child or
all the things that could go wrong with
them and then luckily through
focusing on a bigger future that my kids
deserved more i started to think what is
the one thing is there one thing that i
could do and do really well
that could solve lots of problems and if
if this is not making sense or not
landing i'm sorry but i really want you
to hear me i started thinking how can is
there one thing i can go so deep on get
so good at
go deeper and get more education
be the best in the world at this one
thing is there one thing i could do
because in in my businesses i got really
good at marketing and my marketing being
so good at marketing tom would cover
that sometimes i wasn't the best
operator sometimes i'd hire the wrong
people sometimes i'd come up with a
campaign that was kind of but my
marketing was so good that my businesses
kept growing
so i converted that into this world even
in a panicky state i'm like is there one
thing i can do and i wrote down all the
things that were bugging me and i'd
suggest as we go into this recession if
you get into that place write down all
the things that are that are causing you
angst causing you worry are you afraid
to go broke or afraid to let people down
afraid not to take care of your family
or
all the things that your brain thinks of
so i wrote down all these my kids not
with them stressed about them all this
stuff not gonna be with them travel
vacations summer vacations were a big
deal summer vacations
and i kept thinking what's one thing no
that's ten things what's one thing
what's one thing and i came up with it
and the day i came up with it
i felt like
i felt like my ship was in a safe harbor
and other people may have used this
analogy but this is the way i felt my
ship was in a safe harbor it was okay
but the only way to my next level of
life was through the storm with 10 foot
waves and a tornado and i could see it
out there and every time i went to there
i put the front of the boat into the
storm and i go it's good enough here
i'll just sleep in the guest house and
i'll i'll be a great dad and i know i
can't the day
i realized this one thing i'm like
time to put the ship in the storm the
next level of me lives on the other side
and that one thing for me
was
to be dear friends with my ex-wife
i just started thinking if i'm dear
friends she's never going to talk crap
about me if i'm dear friends with her
she'll support me if i'm dear friends
with her then i travel and it's not my
time she'll let me see him and
everything on my list
got checked off by that
and then i worked on me i got a
counselor i i worked on me i became an
active listener i didn't i didn't no
matter even if things bugged me i
replaced god i haven't talked about this
in five years four years i replaced
anger or envy or being upset sometimes
divorce and money i replaced all of it
with compassion i said every time you
feel that feeling of like uh
take a breath and go through a
compassionate lens because this woman's
gonna be your friend
and everything i did tom i got better at
being a friend i read the right books i
didn't listen to a bunch of friends say
why would you give her that and why
none of that mattered i had one focus
make sure my kids were not fragmented
and i could feel safe around them
and that's what i did and that one thing
solved all those problems to this day my
ex is a friend
also it gave me the opportunity to be so
relieved
that i got to focus on being a better
man to attract the kind of woman i
wanted in my life you know everybody
sees a great relationship tom i i've
been around you and lisa you have so
much mutual respect you give so much to
each other all the things that are the
invisible are why the visible is so
great with you too
and i've always wanted that i didn't
know it was possible my parents were
married nine times i thought marriages
were throwaway right but during this
transition during me going through the
storm i worked on being a better version
of me i wrote down the kind of woman i
wanted in my life that would love my
kids that would be my dearest friend
that i would only focus on her that
transparency honesty trust and all the
things that were unacceptable
and because i went through that storm
because i worked on becoming a better
man
i got to attract my my lisa and we're
five years in and it's not an instagram
love she's the she's the greatest human
being in my life i love her to death and
none of that would have happened
right and i know you guys know this if
you follow this guy he tom knows a depth
of personal development more than maybe
more than anyone you've ever watched i
watched four year interviews in the last
week and i was just blown away at all of
them and i mean that so you've probably
heard some of this before but maybe you
needed to hear it again today
that going through that storm i know
you've heard your next level of life
lives on the other side of the thing you
fear the most all the things that are
kind of cliche
my next level was i was in that storm
with the anxiety and stress and popping
his xanax like oh my god i'm not going
to make it i have no compelling future
my the hatch is shut and literally time
i'm not exaggerating
there was one day it felt like the ship
just came out on the other side
and i was in the bay i was supposed to
be in
it went away it was gone i got to work
on me i attracted my wife lisa we fell
in love we have a two-year-old she's
pregnant right now
but i had to go through that so in
retrospect
if you're facing a storm what if on the
other side of that storm was the man or
woman you're designed to be wouldn't it
be worth that storm on the other side of
a recession another side of of a shift
the people that are going to freeze are
going to hope the outside world saves
them
and if you can find the courage if you
can find the inspiration the motivation
whatever it is whatever you have to do
the leverage to move forward to go into
that ship to find out where the puck is
going to investigate new areas to to
play scared
what if this shift in the world
was designed for you as tony always says
life is for happening for you not to you
what if the other side of that was the
next level of your business or the start
of something new
and that's some of the reasons we do
what we do is try to innovate and spark
that but
mostly it's like how do we get through
this and find who we're supposed to be
that is the question that i want to now
go deeper on because when you're facing
the storm
it is a for real storm
is
brutally difficult to get through like
if i even think about
the psychological principle hiding
behind the fact that you had to have
radios on in the house and all of that i
remember my wife telling me that her big
fear was that when her parents went
through a divorce she was like eight
and she was cognizant enough to be like
my dad sits in a house that's quiet and
he's all alone i remember thinking wow
that's like really heavy for like an
eight-year-old to grasp but the
psychological principle of like needing
that noise like there's a deep
thing going on in your brain that like
you had to find a way to manage to
navigate so i have been in storms like
that when i'm in them i'm always saying
to myself i think it's churchill to
somebody who's coming up multiple times
here that if you're going through hell
keep going yeah
but that's really hard man i have the
chills just knowing i was going to say
that's really hard because it's really
hard
and
what i want to know is
what are some of the tools i've heard
you talk about self-narrative before
i've heard you talk about future casting
like what what are the the things that
people can
learn to do
that allow them when the hatch is closed
to either
open that hatch or before they sit for a
little bit
yeah you know
rather than me saying what i think is
the healthiest answer
i'm just going to say the answer that
comes to me
i'd love to say that i got through a lot
of those
by
future casting by projecting a bigger
future do it through harmony through
peace
not torture yourself i'd love to say but
sometimes when the storm's really bad
i have to look backwards
and i kind of
put myself through probably hell of
going back to who i used to be or much
worse because sometimes when you build
something big it's
there's a lot that can
tip right so
i will look back and feel the emotions
of how things used to be
i know i do that and this is not a
practice i don't sit down and meditate
and say oh my god let me feel these
emotions of a child they're just there
and if i let them come out i feel them
and i get to where i am disturbed
scared
worried about just seeing how things go
and it pushes me forward
it's almost like
if you had a car with nitrous and you
don't use it all the time we all need to
figure out what is the nitrous button
right a nitrous for those not in cars
and you know i remember when you're
young nitrous button it can make a car
go really fast really quick if you hit
the nitrous button all the time
car burns out doesn't work but if you
save that nitrous button if you save it
when you're the scaredest when you're
saving it when you need to get through
something really hard i've never
shared this in that way before but
that's for me my hardest times i'll go
into a place of the fear of going
backwards the fear of what could go
wrong and that is so scary to me that i
won't be in control of my time someone
else might tell me how to live my life
what if i had to i mean my brain used to
go back to what if i had to go to work
for some i've never worked for anybody
my entire life at 17 i started cutting
firewood like
i've never worked for anybody in my life
i think of things like what if you had
to get a job what if they told you you
couldn't pick up your kids from school
you might be watching and say dean don't
abuse yourself like that but that's i i
need that some people need to run away
from their pain and some people run
towards their pleasure obvious obvious
things in life right
me i need to hit the i will hit the
nitrous button and that is thinking of
all the things that'll go wrong if i
don't courageously move forward when
sometimes i don't have an answer where
i'm not sure where it's going but i know
if i stand there
more cliches when you stand it's so many
that keep popping in my head i got to
stop it but shade's become cliches for a
reason yeah
but there's never a time you could just
stand you can only sit on your hands or
freeze for enough time and then you
start sliding backwards and you know
that to be true
and i think about those things i'm like
i can't just wait i'm scared to death
but i'm going anyway
and that's it's probably not the
greatest answer but that's me that's my
question that's really good uh
the reason that i think that it's good
is because it's true and i think that um
most people do not understand the power
of what i call the dark energy okay so
you've got that i want to hear more
enough towards the beautiful things
right so 80 of the time if i'm
struggling i think about the things i
want to do and create the people i want
to help like all the good stuff in my
life
but when i really need something i go to
the dark side you just described it
exactly because i want to focus a
hundred percent of the time on we'll get
through this and everybody'll be better
and i take care of my family but when it
doesn't work i hit the nitrous button
and my nitrous button is that dark side
i love how you just described it and i
think that it's so real and so many like
even i wish i could remember the exact
words you said but you had like some
apology almost like oh this might not be
the healthiest or whatever but
i really think that people underutilize
that like that
so when i think about human emotion i
think evolution the blind watchmaker so
i don't believe in um a sort of
conscious engaged deity there is
obviously something that we don't know
about so trust me i sit with humility
whatever is happening
but
when i look at evolution even if god an
all-knowing being
used evolution to set everything in
motion like you still want to think
about evolution and how that influences
the way that we are and so when i think
about emotion through an evolutionary
lens and i realize rage has a use anger
has a use fear has a use anxiety has a
use and every time because i am an
anxious person by nature every time i'm
feeling anxious i'm like i don't ever
want to feel this again
but i know that if it were completely
removed from my life
i wouldn't have achieved what i've
achieved so anxiety is this double-edged
sword it is the reason that i've had the
kind of success that i've had but then
people also need to be very careful
emulating my life because it has been
this just wall of anxiety constantly
moving me forward like i'm not going to
be prepared for this interview unless i
do more more more research right and so
we're on the same page yeah so it's like
but for me
even though sometimes it is admittedly
very frustrating because i don't like
the emotion
it's yielded some extraordinary results
and to get a healthy relationship with
it i have to appreciate it as much as
do things to not spend too much of my
time there because it can become very
corrosive
but for people that either want to
pretend that anger is bad or rage is bad
or there's no place for anxiety whatever
they are removing a massive amount of
the tools
that nature has given to them yeah i
mean momentum you said earlier you said
about helping people with momentum
momentum is easy once the train has left
the station right once you're going 30
miles an hour it's it's much easier to
go to 50 but it's train starting at zero
the energy to get that thing to go the
first three feet so
you couldn't run
you'd call the dark energy
i guess a sill a simple analogy would be
you couldn't run a train from california
to new york
on dark energy you'd burn it out the
wheels would come off the engine would
blow you'd come apart you'd come unglued
but if the train stops a few times along
the way
if you got to go to that dark energy to
get the train moving again and then once
you get momentum
take a breath and then you can start
focusing on where you want to go and and
this i've never talked through this ever
and we're describing my life because i i
would bet to say i'm 80
looking towards a bigger future
the hatch is open but man when the hatch
closes and i'm in a dark place i look
backwards to the pain and it
yeah i love that i've heard you talk
about and you mentioned it earlier some
people you said it was obvious but i
actually don't think it is for most
people
because most people i don't think take
the time to really
concretize what they think i've heard
you talk about journaling i think it's
really important but what you said
earlier and i don't think it's as
self-evident as maybe it should be is
that some people are moving towards
pleasure some people are moving away
from pain or maybe we all are on that
doing one or the other from time to time
we just happen to be dominant one way or
the other
but
by
recognizing whether you tend to move
towards pleasure or whether you tend to
move towards pain or away from pain
it gives you another tool in your kit to
get things moving so
two and a half years ago now
wow yeah i think almost
when covid kicked off
i
really started to worry about people in
general like what they're going to be
going through that don't have the skill
set that they need to like get things
going
and
now as we because therefore like the the
economic hit of covid was pretty brief
because of the massive stimulation but
now we're taking the cost of that
massive stimulation i mean in my sort of
overly simplified version of what's
happening
but i think people are going to get the
hatch closed again it's going to be
really difficult for them to get that
momentum going what do you think around
self-narrative that to me is like one of
the big things you you sort of threw off
that you asked yourself who you wanted
to be or people should think about like
wouldn't they be more afraid of being on
their deathbed and not having become the
person that they could have been
what do you think about self-narrative
how do you use it and if you do use it
like how do you craft it
really great question um
it's easy to say be at the end of your
life and
get to you know i heard somebody say it
and i think it was ed milette
use the version of it i said one day
imagine if
you know your maker or you meet someone
at the end of your life
and they played a video
of the man or woman you could have been
i have to use some of that narrative
sometimes because it is a juggle i own
multiple companies right now i'm
partners with tony on two companies i
want to be that dad i have a little one
and a little a baby on the way and a 13
and a 15 year old and sometimes that
juggle
well simultaneously there's a shift in
the economy there's craziness going on
the world we're separated more than ever
before there's not a lot of good news
that comes out of any place anymore and
it all can build up
and
i think self talk i'm i'm thinking out
loud because i don't want to just give a
canned answer i want to give the answer
we're in a space here where i'm i'm
trying to share whether it's healthy or
not
the best thing i can say about self-talk
is whatever leverage you need
it doesn't
need it doesn't need fixing
or you don't know to fix it if you're
not aware of it
so i i can give some examples in a
moment of self-talk that i do
but i think the number one thing
is acknowledging that most all of us
have self-talk
and to catch it
when i'm anxious
and i still get anxious there's nothing
around i don't have anxiety but i get
anxious i still get nervous
what i used to do is try to fix it i'd
immediately go okay how do i do more how
how do i prepare more how do i rehearse
this 10 more times how do i call more
people how do i work till 10 o'clock at
night screw this weekend i was going to
go with the family i'll just work
i used to when i the self when the
stress or the worry came in
i covered it with solutions i covered it
with working more with accomplishing
more with setting something up now i
might still do that to a point but what
i've trained myself to do over the last
decade tom
is stop
we said before if the hatch is closed
and sit in it and say what is the
self-talk
that's making me feel this way
the world's always been crazy i've been
in business for a long time i don't care
how long you're in business with quest
what you do now all the different things
that you've done there's always crap
whether in the beginning if it was a ten
thousand dollar worry or a million
dollar worry or a ten million dollar
worry the worry is always there
the difference is now i sit and i keep
asking myself questions
sometimes it's one question sometimes
it's three or four to find out what is
the root of this
why am i feeling this way why am i going
through my day angst why am i a little
short with my wife when she doesn't
deserve that
so
it's the
it's the observation of the self-talk
and when i find it then i find a way to
reverse it
that's that's my real that's not a read
out of a book am i that's me i i need to
find that where before i would leave the
angst i would leave the self-talk and
just work my ass off through it
that make sense yes it does
so basically asking yourself a recursive
why why do i feel this way why do i feel
this way and then you ultimately get
past sort of the surface answers and you
can really then so for example i know
i know that for years and and i feel
blessed i haven't felt this in a long
time but for years
if i was a little off or something was
happening especially as my business was
getting bigger than i thought i could
ever grow a business
if i really i could say oh my god i lost
my co
why is that bugging me so bad
we can we could find that
this happened and then i'd i'd ask
myself if i lost a ceo maybe we won't
hit our numbers for the month and i keep
asking i keep asking and i get down to a
fear of going broke because i was so
broke as a kid and watch my mom work
three jobs to make 90 bucks a week and
when i was saying i don't want to go
backwards like i would sometimes ask the
question yeah but the ceo we can replace
and i keep going i keep going keep going
and also my god damn it it's back to
that simple i'm this broke kid on the
inside and i'm afraid i'm going to be my
dad
that just popped out of my mouth like
my dad was always not having money
always complaining and it caused him to
be angry my dad fought with everybody i
was 11 years old i threw up blood i had
a bleeding ulcer because my dad was so
angry and fought with that my dad went
to a restaurant if the waiter wasn't
played he'd fist fight on the ground and
i'd sit and i'd hide i don't like
confrontation i can't watch boxing i
don't watch wrestling i don't like
confrontation still to this day because
of it so i'd ask myself all those
questions and i'd go oh my god i'm back
to
i don't want to be my dad i don't want
to be broke and angry
and then i'd say okay now that i know
and i've never talked about i've never
shared this this is just me now that i
know that okay the ceo left am i going
to be okay absolutely have i ever lost
the co in the past yeah eight years ago
and we found some it was even better so
could there be a shiny a silver lining
this yes this could actually be a good
thing and i'd go through all of them and
none of these things on their own tom
were enough to give me anxiety or worry
but take those things go all the way
back to the childhood fear of being my
dad all of them get heavy and crazy so
if i'd address that and ask different
questions by themselves they were no big
deal
what is up my friend tom bill you here
and i have a big question to ask you how
would you rate your level of personal
discipline on a scale of one to ten if
your answer is anything less than a ten
i've got something cool for you and let
me tell you right now discipline by its
very nature means compelling yourself to
do difficult things that are stressful
boring which is what kills most people
or possibly scary or even painful now
here is the thing achieving huge goals
and stretching to reach your potential
requires you to do those challenging
stressful things and to stick with them
even when it gets boring and it will get
boring building your levels of personal
discipline is not easy but let me tell
you it pays off in fact i will tell you
you're never going to achieve anything
meaningful unless you develop discipline
all right i've just released a class
from impact theory university called how
to build ironclad discipline that
teaches you the process of building
yourself up in this area so that you can
push yourself to do the hard things that
greatness is going to require of you
right click the link on the screen
register for this class right now and
let's get to work i will see you inside
this workshop from impact theory
university until then my friends be
legendary peace out
yeah getting self-awareness is
insanely important i worry yes i was
going to say i worry sometimes that
people aren't able to get themselves
there because they're not able to get
themselves there and they have like
imagine somebody that hasn't developed
self-awareness having that i see the
shoes i don't really put it together i
can't be in a room without music like
that's where people really get
themselves into a bind and they're not
able to assess why they're going through
what they're going through and when
you're in the storm you can get lost in
the storm and now you're just like
dealing with the waves you don't have
time to sit in a safe harbor and think
about the way to get out of this
that freaks me out more than you
can imagine because there are certain
things in my life that i don't think
that i really did anything to deserve
and when i didn't do something to
deserve them but i know i have it then i
get really worried for other people
because i'm like
without this tool like this one really
scares me now for me growing up i was
really oblivious and people now that may
know me only from what they see on
youtube which is a weird sentence to say
but nonetheless true
i hopefully seem very self-aware because
at some point in my 20s i really started
developing self-awareness but i don't
know that i did anything to i don't know
what the first insight was it was just
finally realizing oh man the person's
making fun of me and then you're like
why is that person making fun of me and
that was really how i began to unwind it
but to give you a sense of how oblivious
i was
i was probably 26 27 bumped into a guy
that i went to high school with he was
like tom i've got to apologize to you
and i was like why and he was like i was
so mean to you in high school and i was
like what and he was like yeah i mean i
like really you know i can't remember if
he said bullied but that was like the
impression he was trying to give
and i was like man i don't remember you
saying a single bad thing he was like
what
and so he had obviously been saying
things behind my back i had no idea
so i was like whoa i think i was
distressingly oblivious
now the crazy thing is i didn't have
anxiety when i lacked self-awareness now
as i become self-aware i become anxious
but i'm far more effective
and so man like all of this almost a
trade-off yeah yes it's a trade-off dean
very well said
it's all a trade-off
and
as so the reason i got excited that you
and tony are doing the
thrive challenge how to throw how to
thrive challenge yeah time to thrive
time to thrive i know i was getting a
word wrong the time to thrive challenge
is that one tony is one of the earliest
people that helped me begin to get a
grip on my mind i will forever owe him a
debt of gratitude like i can only
imagine how many people on this planet
have that same sentence
but it really is your mind and
helping people begin to like get a sense
of oh wait i can take control of this
even just the idea that tony throws i
think is so powerful
ask how the worst thing that ever
happened to you is actually the best
thing that ever happened to you and just
by asking that different question you
can really change your life
so give me some like what what is the
core thing in this time to thrive
challenge what are you going to be
pushing people to do what do you want
them to think about like how do they
begin to
pull that out of the ether and make it
concrete yeah
and i started off with that because you
know i love the way this interview
turned so thank you that's why you're so
good at what you do but my whole point
was and if you know tony you guys have
known each other for years you just
interviewed him recently he impacted my
life 25 years ago i was i was having
success
in the most dysfunctional if i can use a
word hosed up way possible like i talk
about using the nitrous button once in a
while the dark side
i'd bet to say at 27 i was finding
success i just had my finger a dark
button every day of my life i was just
running away from fear i had all these
marriages life happened
to me i was a victim
but i could work through it and i could
power through it and i don't need sleep
and i don't need to be okay and i don't
need a real relationship and i don't
need to ever talk to my parents again
because i'm going to be successful i'm
going to make money and be in control of
my life
right and then i buy a course from tony
robbins
and he just spoke into my heart and
shifted things big time for me i mean i
went in this industry because of tony 25
years ago but i also let go of a lot of
stuff so i feel the same i feel the same
way so we've been we've been dear
friends for a decade
more now about 12 years and for the
first seven years of our relationship
and i'll just take a little
back a little history of this
we never did business because i saw so
many people wanting to partner with tony
i'm like we're friends we talk like four
days a week for like seven years we just
bonded and i'm like i don't want to ruin
it with business because i've seen so
many people come in want to do business
but for years all we talked about is how
self-education
saved our life and you could use a lot
of different terms but it was jim rohn
for him
and it was him for me so it's pretty
cool he had jim rohn but now i got tony
and i've been able to
sell lots of books and do all the things
that i've done and start 13 companies
and new york times bestselling books who
would have ever thought right
so we did with dyslexia yeah and so we
talked about it so much and then one day
we said
you know when we started i people always
ask me why did you do an infomercial i
was on infomercials for years because i
bought in i bought tony's course often
information you probably did too
when i started there was no internet 25
years ago there wasn't even aol
messenger so people's like why did you
influence there was no other option
and we talked about when i when i
started the infomercial business i
taught people how to make money with
cars because that's how i got started
but i had to do an infomercial i had to
come up with about 250 000 bucks and a
lot of it was on credit card and then
you hope you put it on tv and it works
so
for years we're having this conversation
of how it saved their lives and the
industry is exponentially growing and we
just decided why don't we teach how do
we leave our legacy i mean tony more
than me he's got 40-something years i
got 25 years but i said how do we leave
our legacy it's like why don't we show
people what we've discovered over these
60 years combined
that their greatest asset is their life
experience
their greatest asset is the experience
like you went through a divorce and it
was hell you went through the valley of
life you went through hell scared about
your kids but now you're on the other
side and your kids are thriving and
you're better and you found a
relationship you went through this
valley you're on the other side
there's a million people today starting
before the valley and what they're
realizing is who can give me the bridge
who can help me get across this quicker
i don't want to go through the depths of
this i want i want someone to help me
and i think the world has realized they
don't want to learn on their own they
don't want to go back to school who has
been there rather than how people are
looking at who
and their that's why this industry is
exponentially growing so we decided four
years ago let's let's share what we know
and let's create a whole bunch of people
let's make it so people feel guilty if
they die someday without sharing their
life experience
and we launched three years ago with a
free training
and it immediately turned into a
movement um
we've seen now over three million people
over 160 countries have registered for
our training you know register for our
trainings and and what we want to show
and and you know ask any questions you
have but basically we all h