Kind: captions
Language: en
in this episode of impact theory i
explore mindset with four guests who
have achieved amazing things by gaining
further insight into themselves tai
lopez grinding and working hard and
hustling
is not what you optimize for it's pain
jay williams my game had to change
and i had to be open enough and
vulnerable enough to accept the fact
that my game had to be different in
order for me to be effective david bayer
don't let not knowing how prevent you
from spending time getting additional
clarity or imagining because that's
actually what's required to happen in
order for you to know how tim grover
think about the times where everything
was going wrong what kept you going that
was your dark energy the biggest thing
i've learned if i could be 18 again
i wish somebody had told me
basically nobody knows what they're
doing
even the adults you think you know
everybody's lost and the world's the
blind leading the blind so the ultimate
adventure to me is not just like bungee
jumping or something like that or going
to the amish it's
trying to get insight and see life as a
puzzle and your goal in life is to seek
the adventures that piece
the puzzle together so that at the end
of your life you like kind of get get it
you kind of get it i feel like most
people don't get what life is like think
about it's like what is life like
why
do are we driven with some basic
instincts what's the purpose you know i
like evolutionary psychology so all
these things have kind of led me down
this bizarre
place and here i am with you all right
so i know that you actually have a
definition of the good life around the
four pillars what are the four pillars
and how does it play into everything
so yeah i always say health wealth love
happiness like kind of in that order if
you're not healthy
you won't care about anything so i
figured health is the trump card and
then
the thing the reason i put money second
over love it doesn't mean like
you should try to get rich before
love if you look at maslow's hierarchy
of needs a classic kind of way to be
happy there's five levels to maslow so
the bottom one is physiological or
physical needs have to be met food
shelter water the second one is safety
you have to feel safe the third one is
love
and
because if you don't have physical
and safety right
you don't care about love and if you
don't believe me look up the number one
reason people get divorced it's
financial issues
so i just figured
money doesn't bring happiness
but the absence of money brings
unhappiness this has been proven all
over and over daniel conman nobel prize
winner he said you know if you make less
than 72 grand in america he's found your
happiness suffers because your stress
goes up so i figure
you don't have to be wealthy when i say
wealth it doesn't necessarily mean like
forbes list it means you have to have
your physical needs met and you have to
have a margin of safety some money in
the bank account if every paycheck
you're freaked out
your love life is going to suffer and
then the the top two of maslow's
hierarchy of needs then become you know
respect and then the last one the
highest pinnacle is like a higher
purpose or people called spiritual so
health wealth and then love and then if
you get those three that's how you get
happiness
like happiness there's so many books now
about happiness there's a good one
called happiness hypothesis by jonathan
height but at the core thing to me
happiness is like soup
it's like if you make chicken noodle
soup but you forget the chicken it's not
chicken noodle soup
if you forget to put the broth in it's
just chicken
and noodles if you forget the noodle so
that's what i mean
like happiness is a compilation of a
whole bunch of stuff you do right
so i think
i haven't found a better way to think
about it so how do you go about like
give us some tactics how do you
tactically optimize for them do you
attack them sequentially uh do you
call make real-time calls about like oh
i'm a little low on happiness or love or
whatever like how do you play that yeah
well like i said i don't optimize for
the last one i try to get the first
three right steve jobs said he didn't
want to be the richest man in the
graveyard
you know do you want to be the richest
man in the graveyard
i want to be
the happiest man on the way to the
graveyard and some of that you have to
postpone pleasure a good investor is
somebody who postponed present pleasure
for future gain and you can do that you
work hard in the day it's some stuff's a
pain in the butt your i built lots of
you know businesses i know what it is to
be an entrepreneur i'm saying
i know that chess move and what i'm
telling you is two chess moves past that
chess move
optimizing your life for hustling and
grinding
is like optimizing your life around
going p
no p is something you have to do it's
not the goal you don't go
you know my goal is hit the toilet seven
times a day no but you have to do it to
survive so grinding and working hard and
hustling
is not what you optimize for it's pain
why would you optimize for pain
but as in this it is a necessity
and
if you look at actual scientific
explanation of what makes you successful
it is not just hard work if that's true
construction workers would be the
wealthiest people in the world waiters
and busboys they work harder than the
owner
the most scientific psychometric
personality test is called hexaco it's
more accurate than
big5 which used to be it's much more
accurate than myers-briggs infj entp all
that stuff so hexaco
tests you on 26 facets of your
personality and one ohm's called
conscientiousness and it's been proven
over and over by scientists
conscientiousness is the most correlated
with business success defined
conscientiously so yes so then it
divides into four sub-facets
organization perfectionism diligence and
prudence so the real truth is hard work
is 25 of the formula because diligence
is known in the common language as hard
work okay so if you just think diligence
alone will get you success you're like a
basketball player that thinks you'll
play in the nba because you could shoot
free throws
ah
there's you ever seen the best free
throw shoes in the world they're old 70
year old men who shoot underhanded but
they don't play in the nba because the
nba is not all about free throws
so nba is scoring defense free throws
maybe is one component rebounding assist
there's a lot of components so the other
three you have to get good at the first
one is perfectionism people
you have to know how to double check
your work it's that simple it doesn't
mean you're always a perfectionist but
it means when it's important when you're
a pilot of an airplane
double check before you go they if you
get on a plane you hear the pilots
double checking the co-pilot going you
know hydraulics and the guy goes
hydraulics that and that's why planes
don't crash and it's called six sigma
it's three defects per million your goal
in business and in life on the important
things is to make three mistakes per
million transactions and the only way
you do that
is by being a perfectionist in terms of
double checking so that's 25
the next one is organization i can't
tell you how much better my life is and
anybody watching this will be if you
wake up every single day
and you take 10 minutes i have yellow
notepads sitting all around my house i
got that from bill gates bill gates bill
microsoft at 17 by locking himself in a
hotel room with six yellow notepads and
he wrote out the whole basic code for
dos and things that built microsoft okay
he became the richest man in the world
18 years straight because he was
organized enough to lock himself in a
room
and think through his day and so what i
try to do and whenever i do this i have
a great day whenever i don't
i notice it
be organized a little bit 10 minutes i
actually have this little couch thing
outside of my shower and i put a notepad
by it i take a shower when i wake up i
walk over to that i kind of sit there
and i just write out i mean it can be as
little as three main projects you want
to get done that day so organization is
the other 25
so now and then you have diligence which
is hard work hustle
and perseverance but the last one is the
kicker
and this is what i was talking about the
rewiring that has to happen the last one
is something called prudence scientists
call this prudence prudence is the
ability to make the right decision and i
can't tell you
how many entrepreneurs and
non-entrepreneurs
even me at times too i'm not
special i'm lumping all of us in this
because of our upbringing society
our goal is let's say our goal is like
that camera right there so let's assume
that's north so i have this compass in
my brain
and my goal is to go right there let's
say it's a mile away so north what
happens if society my upbringing in
school wired my compass exactly
backwards so i think let's say i can't
see that camera but i know i want to go
north so i pull out my my compass
and it points that way so i just take
off walking and i do it in an organized
fashion i do it in a perfectionist
manner i'm perfecting my steps in my
posture i'm also working on you know
hard work and hustle keep walking
towards your goal well the truth is if
you go south when you should go north
you could have gone one mile but the
earth is about 24 000 miles in
circumference so you get to walk 24 000
miles and you'll come up on the back
side and you will get your goal that's
most entrepreneurs the average person
takes 20 years to become a millionaire
ninety percent of businesses fail within
the first five years 80 to 90 depending
on what statistic
most people i did the math once the
average american has 60 000 saved by the
time they're about 60 years old
so my answer i did the math you can do
this with the simple financial
calculator everybody in america your
parents everybody you know will be a
millionaire
if they live to 160.
at 160 years old if you take 60 grand at
age 60 and you give it a decent return
on investment eight percent 10 percent
you'll be a millionaire at 160. but the
problem is
the great philosopher i think was
aristotle or socrates said the problem
is
art is long
but life is short
the art of living and getting to your
objective
is long but it doesn't have to be it's
long if your compass is backwards so the
whole point of what i'm saying about
adventure at the beginning is
i'm trying to take myself and point it
to the true north
and you have to learn that from books
and mentors and life experience and
listening and finding in-person mentors
and all those things they help adjust
your compass and most people are going
to get what they want just about 40
years longer and that i live in beverly
hills trust me you go downtown beverly
hills
there's other people like i have i like
to collect cars it's not so much i've
always liked cars it's not a
materialistic show-off thing like a lot
of people think my grandma said i love
cars when i was one i used to try to
turn the car on in the garage
you go to downtown beverly hills
full of ferraris the most ferraris per
capita in anywhere in the world
every one of the guys is 80 or 90.
why you want a ferrari at eight or nine
you want a walker you get we gotta walk
you into your ch
and then you're gonna get in a ferrari
you know how dumb you look to me at 90
you want to be playing with your
grandkids and i've wondered like why the
heck is everybody 90
in this town
excluding people who inherit their money
from their dad but and i realize we're
set up for failure because we think
we're going north but we're going south
that's why 50 of people who get married
divorced 80 of businesses fail that's
why
30 of americans are on
some form of antidepressant medication
that's why 60 70 percent of people are
overweight i mean in a way we're kind of
[ __ ] but
are there like key principles though
that you can use to turn that compass so
north actually points north yes first
one is just like alcoholics anonymous
admit you're lost and that one's hard
for people you tell people
even for me sometimes i want to think
i'm smart and i got it all figured out
and sometimes i'm like wait a sec i'm
still lost
and that that the acquiescence the the
admittance
of the fact
that you're still lost it gets you on
track a lot faster
so if you're watching this and you feel
lost it's better to just sit down and be
like i'm lost because the day you admit
you're lost
is the day you allow yourself to be
found by people who can give you a tip
but what's what's the equivalent of that
because obviously if you're an
entrepreneur nobody's looking for you so
that's the they are though
who is they are they're you go to barnes
and noble people selling their books
they're looking for you as a customer so
read read i mean
the fact that people argue with me on
this reading thing and people argue with
me about mentors no just use your own
gut feeling is that how you learn
english when you were two years old you
use your gut feeling to start
conjugating verbs no you learn from
other people you learn manners you learn
language you learn all things valuable
you learn to drive from another person
so it doesn't make sense you learn life
so books are just
the mentors
who maybe are dead now you wanna learn
about steve jobs he ain't alive to teach
you but you can learn through
accumulated wisdom and that's why trust
me i meet i
very few powerful businessmen i've ever
met
um don't read a lot warren buffett who i
think is the best businessman by far in
the world has
duns he has 75 companies that he pretty
much runs 200 billion in revenue he
reads eight hours a day he reads 600 he
said he slowed down in his old age he
only reads 500 pages a day bill gates
goes on reading vacations mark
zuckerberg just start started a reading
once a week book club on facebook and
already got a couple million uh
followers and now with audio books
there's no excuse you got youtube videos
let this thing run in the background and
it's better if you can find it i mean
better than books is in person mentor
that's why i do a podcast
tom is on my podcast you're a smart dude
i learn from you like i learned from you
today i liked your angle on how to get
in physical locations if you launch a
physical product you want to get it in
stores don't be thirsty
like i said casanova said be the flame
not the moth let them come to you and
that's what you did with quest and now
you sell 1.5 million bars a day that's
good so if you can pick up one gold
nugget whether it's from in-person
mentor whether from a book you become
very wealthy in knowledge very quickly
one nugget a day
one nugget a day it's like charlie
munger warren buffett's business partner
said step by step you get ahead but not
necessarily in fast spurts but you have
to prepare for the fast spurts by
learning step by step so when the day
comes and i launch a physical product i
will hopefully be smart enough and
humble enough to be like
i gotta sit down i've never launched
a company that did 1.5 million bars
i can download in one conversation with
you
like you want to become like a super
computer you just download smart crap
from smart people and you pick and
choose like some people are like ty i
don't agree with everything you say i'm
like good i don't agree with everything
i said
like a year later i'm like wait i was
wrong i actually saw a
very intriguing piece of content that
you did where somebody was trolling you
on twitter and in a move that confused
the [ __ ] out of me you decided to call
him on skype or whatever i said let's
let's debate live right now and you did
and you kept asking him a question that
i thought was so spot on which he kept
refusing to answer but it was
hey you're engaging with me i'm creating
all this content about how i've done
what i've done and instead of going huh
you actually have done something that's
pretty interesting you're heckling me
instead of being intrigued by my results
yes
and that to me was very interesting and
that that like switch in people's minds
it's either on or off either they look
at somebody else and they go whoa this
guy is doing something right like holy
hell
or they try to find a reason to um
shut you down not listen to you
discredit you whatever the case may be i
thought that was pretty interesting um
talk to us a little bit about that how
often do you see that in people and do
you ever see that mentality in people
who are successful
like drake says
if you don't have haters you ain't
popping so welcome to the world you
wanna pop you're gonna get hate um
it's interesting
this is fascinates me the more
successful beyond my wildest dreams of
my success
the more they ask me questions the last
time i saw elon musk i've had some very
interesting conversations with this guy
he's one of the smartest guys i've ever
met elon musk
uh we've talked
i'm not a close friend of his by any
means but we've talked at he goes the
same things he loves hollywood he's
always at red carpet things i go to
so we're in the bathroom and he comes
and i said hey you know elon er we
talked about books last time he goes oh
yeah i remember you you're the social
media guy goes i got a question for you
man
do you think i should use snapchat to
grow tesla
so
i was like
okay he goes i know you know about
snapchat tell me so i started talking to
him
20 minutes later
it was a game of thrones premiere 6 and
i go
what do you think after i gave my long
diatribe he goes
i think you're wrong but thank you and
then he walked off
and i was like this guy is so smart i
realize you talk about checkmate
i was an idiot because i should have
flipped the conversation to get him to
teach me for 20 minutes he walked in the
room knowing what he knew i knew what i
knew
but he i gave him all my jewels and he
walked away with them like a smart guy i
see people making fun of the kardashians
i'm like you gonna make fun of the
kardashians look kylie jenner the
youngest kardashian in the last 18
months has done 400 million dollars in
revenue on lipstick kits and various
makeup things with kylie cosmetics put
that in perspective l'oreal maybelline
massive brands it took them 50 years
as an organization with thousands of
employees to do what kylie jenner did
by herself at 20 at 18. you're gonna
laugh at the kardashians
do you have to agree with everything
that kardashians no
but
like abraham lincoln said
i learn from everybody even if sometimes
it's what not to do how did that notion
of
you have to be crazy to be great find
its way into your mind uh first i've
seen it on a multitude of levels um
you know it was really funny
my rookie year you get so damn excited
because you're playing against these
guys that you've been dreaming of
[ __ ] playing against your entire life
right you actually cross over jordan
right uh well yeah i i did even though
he he dropped multiple buckets on me
and then told me how he was going to do
it which was impressive because he was
40 years old
it still pisses me off to this day i
don't know if you can tell um
but i remember we were playing against
the lakers tom and we were out here in
l.a and um
you know look i always try to outwork
people right that's just how i made my
mark so the game was at seven i was like
you know what i'm gonna come to the
staples center because we're playing
this one the lakers had kobe and shaq
okay this is this is like the
championship lakers so you know i'm
gonna get there at three o'clock and i
want to make sure i make 400 made shots
before i go back into the room and then
i sit in the sauna and i get ready for
the game
so
you know get in the car
get to the gym get there and as i'm
walking onto the court who do i see i
see kobe bryant
already working out and i'm like okay
that's kind of cool it's kobe
what's up kobe you know
and uh you know so i put my sneakers on
and do you ever get lost in what you do
where you end up like wait it's been an
hour and a half
i'm just i'm here i'm in it so once i
set my foot across that line i started
working out and so i worked out for a
good hour hour and a half and when i
came off after i was done i sat down
and of course i still hear the ball
bouncing i look down like this guy's
this guy's still working out
he was working out for like it looks
like he was in a dead sweat when i got
here and he's still going and it's not
like his moves are nonchalant or lazy
he's doing like game moves you know um i
sit there and i lace my shoes i'm like i
want to see how long this goes i'll sit
out there and watch
25 minutes and it got done i was like
okay i think i've seen enough go play
you know come back
get in the sauna get ready for the game
that game he drops 40 on us
okay
and after the game is over i'm like i
have to ask this guy like i have to
understand like why
why he works like that right so after
games i'm like hey kobe like
why why were you in the gym for so long
he's like because i saw you come in
and i wanted you to know that it doesn't
matter how hard you work that i'm
willing to work harder than you wow
and he's like just don't hold there's
there's nothing wrong with that like i'm
not saying i dislike you as a person
you just you inspire me to be better
right and it was the first time i
started to see this level of
competitiveness where i said
i need to start doing more right wow
like and and everybody that i've been
around my life who's been uber
successful and i'm not talking
monetarily even talking spiritually
my girlfriend says something to me that
really inspires me okay because
i think as i
as i got lost into my career and i want
to jump the story but as i get lost into
my tv career i had a tendency to put all
my energy and my time into that almost
to make up for what i felt like i lost
before okay
and
she said you know if you were to
allocate a percentage of the energy that
you put into your career into yourself
and learning more about yourself and
learning more about yourself in
relationships you'll be successful and
it was the first time i had to sit back
and say
wow that's it's really powerful
because i think a lot of people when you
start addressing other things you get
mentally tired
right when i address tv i don't get
mentally tired this is what i do right
but when there's an unknown something
that you haven't felt like you mastered
i don't i'm unsure about it when it gets
frustrating like who are you going to be
are you going to be that person that
wallows in their self-pity are you gonna
be the person who says you know what
okay i did this wrong i did that wrong
but how can i be better and i think
that's what i talk about that relentless
mentality to want to be better at just
life in general
what is up my friend tom bill you here
and i have a big question to ask you how
would you rate your level of personal
discipline on a scale of one to ten if
your answer is anything less than a ten
i've got something cool for you and let
me tell you right now discipline by its
very nature means compelling yourself to
do difficult things that are stressful
boring which is what kills most people
or possibly scary or even painful now
here is the thing achieving huge goals
and stretching to reach your potential
requires you to do those challenging
stressful things and to stick with them
even when it gets boring and it will get
boring building your levels of personal
discipline is not easy but let me tell
you it pays off in fact i will tell you
you're never going to achieve anything
meaningful unless you develop discipline
right i've just released a class from
impact theory university called how to
build iron-clad discipline that teaches
you the process of building yourself up
in this area so that you can push
yourself to do the hard things that
greatness is going to require of you
right click the link on the screen
register for this class right now and
let's get to work i will see you inside
this workshop from impact theory
university until then my friends be
legendary peace out
how hilarious that you would use the
word relentless so
you and i have a mutual
a deep friend for you i'm sure and a
very strong acquaintance for me in tim
grover
somebody who's had a massive impact on
my life but obviously pales in
comparison to what he's done for you
talk to me about tim his notion of being
relentless what that means to you
and your own willingness to endure an
ungodly amount of suffering
uh that would be an understatement with
tim
first off he is brilliant he's beyond
brilliant and it wasn't the physical
part that was arduous it was it was the
mental
and just to set the stage for people he
was the guy that trained you post injury
when it's like i'm really serious about
this i'm gonna go all the way i go to
the best of the best tim grover yeah and
you know tim had trained michael jordan
he trained kobe bryant
but i think a lot of people get lost in
the fact that he trained them physically
he trained these guys mentally too and i
know for me
you know my leg i have atrophy on the
outside of my left leg okay this muscle
here since i lost my nerve i it's gone
away
and i have droplet
so
my game had to change
and very much like life you're used to
doing one thing at 21 is different than
when you're 35 years old right right um
and i had to be open enough and
vulnerable vulnerable enough to accept
the fact that my game had to be
different in order for me to be
effective right
but like i said earlier it's so hard
when
my brain sees things and my body before
i guess this is a gift of being an
athlete to that caliber
it
right i see it gone right if i bring the
ball down the court and there's a screen
coming you know to your right and you
glance over if i see your eye glance
within that split second i'm gone right
because i see you take your eye off of
me so now some of my games changed at 21
years old now sudden that first step is
like it's molasses
it's non-existent right so
now
am i willing to say i'm not that fast
anymore i have to work you into the
screen i have to take my time i have to
actually come off shoulder to shoulder
i have to use my body more to create
separation hey my jump shot wasn't the
best i have to be a better shooter
because i don't have that explosion
anymore and a lot of people say hey that
seems pretty easy but to mentally accept
that i'm a different person now
and to help other people see him a
different person
was was challenging and the major part
that was the most difficult was
seeing myself
so as an athlete
i was used to people looking at me in a
state of awe
all right and it was something you kind
of you thrive for you're working your
entire life for
so when the kid or when somebody was
would come up to me they're like oh my
god tom like your show is amazing right
and you're used to that affirmation of
what you do you're like all right it's
worth me putting the time whereas that
look for me changed and it looked really
made me depressed too because it was a
look from oh my god you're amazing to
the look of
oh my god i'm so sorry right or
what what happened or used to be that
guy before you you messed up and people
don't say things maliciously they say
things more so because they're it's
awkward and they want to start a
conversation and those things would
drive me insane
and tim forced me to talk to him about
those things it was the first time i
started having conversations i'm like on
the court
i'll be on the court doing a drill and
he's like you have dropped foot
and also and i would attack the drill a
little bit more
and that you know next drill he was like
you know what you see that guy you were
good
and i would let's get up more shots so
he he started to find ways to motivate
me
and started to take the anger out of the
equation for me too
and that was a that was a hell of a
first step in the process of me
rebuilding who i was as a person
so i'm wearing this shirt in particular
for you because there are people
that know how to leverage the darkness
there are people that know how to
leverage the anger tim is definitely one
of them yes you've said that you've
always played better angry
what was your mental talk
in those times where
the the level of pain which you go into
great detail in the book the level of
pain was like i was squeamish just
reading about it i mean it's just crazy
i can't imagine i guess sweaty just
talking about i'm sure i mean
when you have to do years of that kind
of painful stuff as nuts so what are you
doing like self-talk how are you
harnessing like the the dark side like
how did you tap into that did you and
tim work on that was that something that
was part of the game plan
well we had conversations about
different things um which obviously
you know for me at that time i was 23
years old right so it was the first time
i was even have conversations and and to
a degree you know i think this comes
from
being at a school like duke when you're
always
you're always in you know in the face of
the media you learn how to say the right
thing right okay um you don't
give people your honest feedback
you kind of give them the rhetoric
and i think even when i started going
through therapy
um
i had a lot of a lot of rhetoric right
um
because i didn't i didn't want to i
didn't want to face it
i
have you had a bad dream and you wake up
and you're married right yes and you see
your wife and you're like
okay that was a dream right right
i think for a long time for two or three
years i thought i was living a [ __ ] up
dream
and i kept waiting to wake up i kept
waiting to wake up tim was the first
person that forced me to talk
to talk just to talk and it's amazing
when you just open your mouth and you
start saying how you really feel about
stuff i mean think about how many people
really say how they feel virtually
nobody exactly and i think tim was the
first person i actually started to have
like full transparency transparent
conversations with right i was like
i don't like the person i was he's like
what do you mean i was like
i cheated a lot on my girlfriend i lied
a ton i was consumed by money i used to
gamble i never gambled um
you know i would say things just because
it was the right thing to say
not that i was maliciously a bad person
right i just never even thought about
what my actions were i was too busy
moving
and tim forced me to stop
and um i still stopped myself to this
day
and you stop yourself from what focusing
on who you don't want to be and focus on
who you do want to be i i just i press
pause in life sometimes and i think it
helps um i i recalibrate to try to get
out of an obsessive thought yes or just
to you know even to get out of funks
whatever whatever maybe you know i'm a
firm believer in that you have to find
balance in life right so they're gonna
be times where your your journey's going
to be down here and it's going to be
tough um and the same when things get
high you know you sign a new deal or you
have you know you have to be able to
keep things in perspective and i think
sometimes when i stop i force myself to
assess okay what are the where are the
benefits you know where the negatives
how can i how can i turn this negative
into a positive all right let me make
sure that i don't get too high and i
continue to keep my head down and work
harder because i i want to achieve more
if it's not for me for the people that
work for me or for my girlfriend or my
mom deserves better so i try to find
that one thing because i'm very goal
oriented
that i need to work towards and once i
achieve that it's another goal and i
don't want it to ever stop because
that's what life should be
agreed do you think of yourself as young
or old
i'm old
interesting um
i lived a life that has been different
not for better or for worse it's just i
feel like i'm old soul
it's interesting i ask because
i'm intrigued to i think what your story
is and i'm going to reveal myself in my
world view in this so
i'm reading your story you want to make
the comeback
and because the way the book is told i
didn't know if you make the comeback or
not right so i'm i don't follow sports
so i didn't know like does this guy like
go back to the nba and crush it like
he's like super famous now or um
or do you not and
there's no hints of it
in the beginning of the book so it's
like unfolding for me in real time and
and then when you don't make it and
there's the second attempted suicide but
i know that
like you're
i i have the framework of what you do
post basketball so i didn't know if it
was basketball injury basketball and
then post or just basketball injury and
then post but i know what you do post so
i'm like okay this works out somewhere
like at some point he gets back on track
and i am utterly convinced
that
and i don't believe things happen for a
reason by the way which i know you and i
are diametrically opposed on that so
yeah i don't believe but i believe that
there's so
much meaning
and power to be taken from anything that
happens so to me looking at like okay i
watch this kid nobody gives him enough
um accolades for how good he's getting
and he actually understands the nature
of getting good it's about practicing
it's about showing up it's about putting
in the work it's about doing more than
other people are willing to do he goes
to college at duke not impressed with
himself in his first season but oh dear
god
kills himself over the summer to really
get spectacular comes back crushes it
could have gone direct to the nba feels
a sense of obligation which i think is
beautiful and even though there's no
question you could have made more money
by going into the nba financially maybe
that was a better decision but i'm
imagining you at the podium and
everyone's like begging you for another
year and you give it to him yeah and i
think it's [ __ ] beautiful man i think
that was a gift to that town it's why
your jersey now hangs in the rafters
like you did something beautiful for
that organization i think it's
incredible you do that you go into the
nba it's all turning to [ __ ] people are
smoking weed like before games they're
it's like a total mess you're becoming
somebody you don't want to be
but by the end of the season you figure
it out and crush the last 19 games if
i'm not mistaken and everybody's like
whoa the person you're becoming you're
about to become an all-star
and then like it's a [ __ ] movie
that's the moment that you have the
accident you have to rebuild we've
already talked about that
but your mind has been consistent
through everything okay
the vast majority of humanity if i take
your life and i just take a million
people and i crush them through that
like the percentage of people that come
out the other side is virtually none so
for you like it's the way that i think
of the inner cities the inner cities
consume most of the people that it
touches and they either literally die
young or they just go on to do nothing
but every now and then you get jay-z
and you go
god for the right person like this
pressure cooker is
it it's the pressure that makes the
diamond right so because a i think that
i'm gonna live forever truly uh and i
understand a lot of things have to
happen for that to be true but i extend
that to you you're even younger than i
am so you're going to live forever it's
going to be amazing so now i want to see
okay i know what this guy's been through
i know the diamond that his mind has
become like what awaits all of us on the
other side of that
so
that's why i was freaking out reading
the book when you're when you literally
try to cut through the word believe and
can't by the way um
what do you set huge goals for yourself
now yes every day and let me let me
address one other thing that you said
that i find fascinating because i think
it's uh it's an epidemic within our
culture um you know in the american
culture it's so it's so funny um like
the comeback right
when i was when i wanted to write my
book
i got turned down by multiple publishing
agencies if you're like well
like you didn't come back right you know
um and i think that's like the american
like through the american scope of how
we look at things like what did it come
back and crush it and and that's a
comeback story i'm like [ __ ] no like i
came back mentally right like that's a
story like that's that's a story that
should be cherished for
younger kids out there for older people
out there it doesn't matter you don't
have to come back and do what you did
before and do it exponentially better
you have to come back
better as a person and and really value
that process like that's a comeback like
that's that should be an american story
so yeah i think my my goals are a little
bit outlandish for myself i want to own
my own media network one day man um
that's where i so that's what we know i
came out i was like hey this is like
godson right like i you know i i have a
two bedroom apartment in new york i you
know my mom comes and unfortunately
there's a there's a big camera in the
room and there's lights and she's like
she's like are you filming me while i
sleep and i was like no but now i may
because it may be interesting content
you know um but like i i think about hey
how can i
how can i be bigger and better and i
think about now how can i break outside
this mold of just being a college
basketball analyst that's how i got my
foot in the door tv right but i'm
infatuated with the process of tv
because as you know it's amazing when
you have to be vulnerable to talk about
issues that a lot of people aren't
willing to talk about on tv like there's
a there's something special about that
so if that's me having conversations
with you know somebody i'm interviewing
or me being lost in you know telling
dialogue
i i love it like i'm it's my passion
it's my new basketball court i've heard
you talk a lot about the idea that
basically whatever happens is what is
meant to happen and in terms of the
leverage of coaching somebody like me
that would never work because i don't
believe in an omniscient god so i'm like
there are just too many things where the
outcome is just bad it's it was all bad
but
i think that you're very right that you
can always reframe it and find something
good out of it so you can find something
good out of terminal childhood cancer
right but i would say objectively that
one falls into my human suffering bucket
i'm going to say no that's just pretty
bad you can learn something from it no
question you can reframe it absolutely
sure so how are you able to have a
breakthrough with somebody who is an
adult who like me doesn't believe that
everything happens for a reason like is
it just reframing are there other tools
like what do you lean on yeah so what do
you believe in in other words in in your
context in the container that you've
created because you're creating it right
like we don't know if there's a god we
we assume there's a universe we're sort
of in it i mean we call it the universe
but that's just language right we're
just making up names for [ __ ] so um the
the question would be do i go back to
einstein if he actually said it which i
think he did uh which is you know the
most important decision you make is
whether you live in a friendly or
hostile universe so that perspective is
a belief in how the human being
technology works in in in other words
whatever you believe because of the way
this whole structure and system works
and and how meaning then creates emotion
and and
neurobiological chemical cascades in
your body right like all this stuff like
you in that sense without even getting
really woo you're creating a reality
right i agree so then the question would
be what do you what do you believe in
drives everything because you know for
me i look at more as a mathematics i
don't i use the word god but what i
believe is that intelligence itself
right unbound intelligence
is all there is
and that unbound intelligence when you
say is all there is what do you mean
like the very fabric of space time sure
like if you talk about space-time or the
ether or the hindus call it the akasha
or the fifth element or in the beginning
there was a thing right uh for me it's
in it's intelligence and it's
mathematical and it's expression uh and
so i believe in math right if you go
back to um like euclidean geometry right
there's a very like kind of spiritual
concept around all of these things and
looking at things like sacred geometry
and how how something is expressing
itself and these really deep
sophisticatedly intelligent patterns
right which one
could suggest is just chaotic like it's
the way that this all unfolded it had to
unfold this way because it was the only
way it could all work or it's supremely
intelligent so so the first thing i
would want to do is understand what do
you believe so that then we can have
this conversation within that context so
what do you believe
uh i believe purely in evolution so
whether that is divinely started or not
because i will be the first to admit
there's something that i don't
understand and it is something big and
it leaves me an awe and wonderment and
so i am deeply moved by the mysteries of
the cosmos like that [ __ ] to me is so
beautiful and so the the states of awe
or compassion or connectedness or like
you don't have to pitch me on that i'm
in man it's just i don't think that one
i don't think that what makes this
experience beautiful or or even useful
is that it is all happening exactly as
it was meant to happen i feel like hey
something put
the the expansion of the universe the
expansion of species started and it all
has to obey the laws of physics okay
cool so now operating within that i find
so much power in going how does the mind
work so what is it that that i can
grab hold of what are the levers what
are the dials i don't need them to be
divinely inspired and they certainly can
be either way is fine by me like i don't
have a a
dog in that fight
it is simply i just need to know the
truth and so what i have experienced
thus far tells me that
people in in some pretty beautiful ways
grapple with spiritual concepts as a way
to like make sense of everything sure so
love it respect it don't have any beef
with it
the concepts that have an equal amount
of beauty for me come down to biological
truths and so once i understand the
biological truth and i can understand
the way that synapses um exist and work
in the brain and the way connections are
made the way connections atrophy so that
i can make something atrophy sort of at
will i can make new connections at will
by doing things practicing something
eating it and so once i understand those
levers then i can start pulling so a lot
of the things you talk about i feel like
yeah that's super powerful we agree on
the thing without agreeing why the thing
exists sure that makes sense yeah
absolutely so that's sort of the
framework with which i operate yeah you
so we're going back to this question
right that i think i think you're
alluding to this idea where i believe
that life is working in infinitely
intelligent ways for our greatest growth
our greatest prosperity our greatest
evolution that at any moment it's a
moment of perfection right that that
that it is supposed to happen and so um
so in that we can we can live with
acceptance we can live with surrender we
may not actually see it in the moment
how it's working for us uh but we can
choose to trust that it is if we want to
um looking back last statement you made
i agree with
like totally you can decide to
view this as something that is working
for me right how the tony robbins
question i love this how's the worst
thing that ever happened to you actually
the best thing and that reframe just
asking a different question changes
everything so i'm with you on that it's
a choice yeah i think it's important for
us to
you know take a forensics approach to
our own lives to like
observe deeply to discover what we
believe is true for ourselves went so
far in my life when i look back
over every single experience that i
thought was a tragic experience at the
time of course because of cause and
effect it's been the same part of the
journey of the things that i cherish
most of my life
um
so so we get to create those frames
right and and what i would suggest is
those those frames do become our reality
they they do become our experience
because of the way the technology works
right i mean at any moment in time i
read some something recently and the
numbers always change
but they were talking about the part of
the brain that pays attention right the
reticular activating system and
something like 88 of what's going on in
any given moment you're not paying
attention to like i'm not paying
attention to your wrist right now it's
still in my way right it's a beautiful
wrist
but
you know that that which we tend to pay
attention to is aligned with what we
believe and so that's all we get
so if you want you know more happiness
if you want more wealth if you want
deeper relationships if you want to have
more joy you want to have more fun you
want to you know achieve your full
potential and really make an impact in
the world then what's really important
is to get clear on what that could look
like for you and to make sure that what
you believe is congruent with that
outcome because if what you believe is
not congruent with that outcome just
neurophysiologically you're working
against yourself
right yeah talk to me about the power of
clarity one of the few people that i
hear talk about this and i think it's so
[ __ ] important
yeah so like where to start with the
power of clarity we talk about a number
of things right the power of decision
the power clarity the power of gratitude
the power questions
most people know what they don't want
but they don't know what they do want
you know if you say to somebody what
what what do you want they'll spend
maybe 10 seconds sifting around and then
start telling you exactly all the stuff
that they don't and so it's it's
important to have clarity on what you
want to create to have clarity on the
type of partner you want to have in your
life to have clarity on
the things that you want to learn
because
i believe that clarity is intimately
connected to imagination so as we're
getting clear on something we're
beginning to see what that thing is
right that we're getting more clarity on
and and we now know there was a study
done in in
2009 at harvard where they brought in
piano players to play the piano and they
studied what parts of their brains lit
up and then they just had them imagine
playing the piano and the same parts of
the brains lit up and there's a study
after study after study that shows that
the brain doesn't know the difference
between imagination and reality so
as you're getting clear around something
you're actually building neural networks
as if that image or that experience had
already occurred i mean this is really
powerful because
so often people don't know how to
achieve something and because they don't
know how they don't spend a lot of time
getting additional clarity they don't
spend time imagining what the future
would look like with that thing or being
that thing or creating that thing
because it gets stuck on the how
and
what i would suggest is that if you're
willing to invest time in getting
clearer around something or imagining
you build neural networks that represent
the memory of an experience that has not
happened yet that's [ __ ] powerful i
mean we're talking about like next level
mental technology because
if you had experienced the thing already
would you know how to do it
so what i would suggest is that it's
that change in the neural networks of
your brain that you can achieve through
clarity which is part of this kind of
imagination category i mean dispensary
talks about it with meditation and
visualization other great teachers talk
about it in in this way you're able to
start building
neural networks of experiences that have
not happened yet that i believe then
give you access to the thoughts the
ideas the perceptions and if you want to
talk about like creating the
synchronicities that actually close the
gap between that future and the present
moment all right say that in like a real
basic [ __ ] way like give it to people
in like [ __ ] ground ground don't let
not knowing how prevent you from
spending time getting additional clarity
or imagining because that's actually
what's required to happen in order for
you to know how
yeah that that i like your your whole
notion of getting
don't let
the indecision right yep be born out of
the fact that you're not sure how this
is all going to play out right so i
thought that was so powerful like to
start moving and in the moving in
getting the clarity some of it will come
to you and moving forward some more of
it you talk about
it's like people get stuck because
they're not clear so but but getting
more clarity people get paralyzed by not
knowing some kind of
never attainable omniscience around the
topic
and so they they stop right they move
into indecision they move into some form
of procrastination and the way you get
more clarity is the same way you drive
in fog you've got 10 feet of clarity the
way you get 10 feet more is to move
forward 10 feet right
you're never going to know right we're
all looking for this sort of um i heard
one of your guests uh recently talk
about how fear is wanting to have a
predictable outcome around an experience
that you've never had before right
and that's what we're all looking for
but that's not the way that it works you
get as clear as you can then you take
action and more clarity unfolds for you
how do you help people unwind the fears
around that is it all attacking the
beliefs like what are you really worried
about i'm worried i'm not good enough
that kind of thing yeah for us it's
really looking at what is the thinking
that's causing the emotional response
which is fear and knowing that what's
actually happening and again this is
just what we're suggesting what's
actually happening is you've activated
neural networks that represent a
dissonant concept and your nervous
system is experiencing