Kind: captions
Language: en
i'm responsible for my emotion and my
feelings you know feelings come up to
people so of course i'm i'm have anxiety
in that moment
i'm kind of freaked out i have to in
that moment
determine the feeling that i'm after
[Music]
do you remember how we first met like
the very time we actually met in person
it was like intercontinental dallas
texas success magazine they're doing an
event they had like 2 000 people you
know were both speaking there and uh i
think i was going to work out or
something or i was coming back one of
the two yeah and then i run into you
which is like if you're going to work
out it's like you don't want to run into
like you know
the rock uh like i'm going to work out i
don't want to run into this guy i mean
he's got the pipes right now the rock is
like
he is violently upset somewhere yeah
this very moment no sorry no yeah so i
was i ran into you and i was like man
it's cool because i hadn't met you in
person but i'd watch the show yeah and
so um i'd seen you just
slay it
in
your interview style wow very kind and
just getting better and better and
better i mean because you and i both
watch for the same thing we want to see
excellence in our space and when we see
it we watch and we watch and we watch
and what you've built here is incredible
but it was so cool to finally actually
meet you
in person because you never know what
people's energy is like like off
camera and that that's why i was so
surprised and our first meeting left an
indelible mark in me so obviously i knew
who you were i'd watch a ton of your
content and we're probably no bs like 30
yards away from each other minimum
you come around the corner and tom hey
and i was like
i didn't even know you knew who i was
and it was so warm and so
enthusiastic it is so infectious and so
as i'm reading the book high performance
habits which by the way you guys go out
and get this this book is awesome i'm
going to stamp this one hard one because
some of the surprises we're going to
talk about because you say a lot like it
i know if you read just the back at what
the six habits are you're gonna be like
well i get these sure you really don't
as you get into it some of the surprises
and things you can put into your life
are really really interesting um but
seeing like how
gracious and warm and kind you were was
really really fascinating and then
reading the book hearing your notion of
you generate the energy if you want joy
you create the joy talk to us about that
that was something that really really
struck me yeah uh
that piece comes from
probably the most powerful metaphor of
my entire life and that is the power
plant doesn't have energy
it generates energy and i've been
teaching that for like 15 years on stage
and one guy stands up one time he goes
actually you're wrong at my event you
know there's two thousand people in my
bed he goes well you're actually wrong
i'm like oh how am i wrong he says well
a power plant doesn't generate energy
what it does is it um
takes energy from one source
upgrades it so transforms the energy
then stores it and transmits it so it's
really transforming energy from one uh
sort of location or one type of energy
to another right and i love that
metaphor because i felt like that's my
job you know so much of my life is
helping people reach another level of
energy because if you don't reach an
available energy you can't serve at
another level if you don't reach another
level energy you can't feel better be
happier be a better spouse you know it's
like everyone says i want that next
level but they don't understand energy
is the requirement to get there and when
we measured energy in our studies it's
we're talking about really mental energy
emotional energy and physical energy
and it was a huge turning point in my
life when i started realizing these
things because
you know
that whole thing that we as
entrepreneurs we want to wait for maybe
one day i'll feel
energized or maybe one day i'll feel joy
or maybe one day i can have fun after
you know all the money's in the bank
and you know you got you got the house
or the cars or the money or the you know
the stuff
and then people go um then i'm gonna be
really a fun person it's like no if
you're not a fun person when you're
broke you're not going to be that much
more fun when you're rich
and i think that people have to learn to
bring the joy it's one of our little tag
lines on our shirt so i bring the joy
and that says you know you don't have
joy just like i don't think people have
happiness i don't think people have
sadness either i think that we are
generating the emotions and the feelings
that we experience in life
and soon as we own that responsibility
life gets really fun
because now we can choose it and i'll
give an example last night i spoke to 12
000 people
on stage here in la at the convention
center and it was terrifying because
pitbull
was opening i'm backstage and i feel the
cortisol dropping i feel myself getting
tense you know um pitbull talks for me
like 10 minutes and then he does a four
song set whoa
okay when he finishes four song set i
gotta come hit the stage and do 90
minutes and i'm backstage and the
emotion of my life at that moment is
terror
is is is stress because do they have my
video they don't have the video the
keynote's not working all this other
stuff is going on i mean it was just
like really intense
but when i hit that stage
i'm responsible for my emotion and my
feelings you know feelings come up to
people so of course i'm i'm i have
anxiety in that moment
i'm kind of freaked out
i have to in that moment
determine the feeling done after and we
talk about that in the book
is that we have to determine the feeling
that we are after and live into that
feeling not hope it lands on us
and that's when someone starts getting
real mastery in life
because i knew i had hit that stage and
there couldn't be the stress on me there
couldn't be the anxiety on me i had to
bring joy adele at the stage at level
you know 10x
walk us through the mechanisms of that
so and it's something that you cover
very well in the book is there's a
process in fact
the book is high performing habits right
and you really go into the habits the
mechanisms the things you can do say
orchestrate into your life which i think
is really the core of what makes the
book so powerful so in that moment
you're backstage what are you actually
doing yeah um first i'm closing my eyes
and say where is this
emotion coming from and i realized in my
mind it's like oh it's because i'm
thinking i have to go follow
pitbull and that's where people fail in
life
oh well my instagram's not like hers or
you know i'm not as famous as him you
know we have all these comparisons that
cause us cortisol or anxiety that shut
us down and then we stop performing our
best
because we're trying to follow somebody
versus just go do our thing so i
identified that's oh that's where i'm at
okay what's that causing that's causing
that cortisol adrenal drip that i don't
want right now so what do i need to do
and the fastest ways to get yourself
back
is usually you know breath
and movement so we teach
teachers program high performance
academy it's like one of the crowd
favorites on day three
you have two thousand people there and
about forty percent of the audience is
international
so day three their jet lag is just
whooping them right and i always
predictable i know exactly about one in
the afternoon day three they start
bonking so i do this
breath scaling thing where i teach them
to breathe in through their nose like
they're bringing breathing in the ocean
like
and then breathe out
okay and that's kind of the top level so
we just start breathing normal and it
gets more and more and more and more and
more and more intense until you're at
the top and just literally
i sustain that for like 60 seconds and
what it is it's like a hit like oxygen
you know like like cocaine to the brain
for oxygen
and when it's also lightheaded or
anything no because i've done it so much
right i don't i don't push myself to get
lightheaded i push myself to fully
oxygenate the body but what you do as
soon as you do that and the most
important thing is for those who are
going to try this at home
you scale up to it then you scale down
to find your regular breath again and
you need to not be standing there with
your knees locked and if you ever feel
dizzy sit down
so but i do that
and all this you feel an incredible
amount of energy in your body your mind
just goes super sharp
and the added benefit of that much
oxygen oxygen intake lowers cortisol
that's interesting right we know for
meditative practices when we deep
breathe we tend to lower cortisol or
lower that sense of anxiety even if we
don't get the full mechanism of the
hormone release
then all of a sudden it's like ah i'm in
my zone i'm ready to go then i do full
body chi gong
which is like a qigong
a cupping activity in qigong is
basically like you are
you're patting
up one inch at a time on different parts
of your body like this all over so your
arms your legs your back what that's
doing is opening the meridians in your
body
and now my body my mind's open my body's
fully ready to serve and now it's like
let's get it
i'm excited because now it's just like i
identified the source of the anxiety got
rid of it took care of the mechanism of
the body that was also making me feel
like crap and then it's then it's
exciting i mean people see me on this
big stage and they think oh
or they see you and they think oh well
he must always be
in the perfect state or the perfect
energy and he's always going to be great
and
that's not true
you know great athletes great performers
an executive walk in an important
meeting
you got to go deal with your kid who's
struggling with math when we walk into
those situations
we have to set intention for what we
want to do in that situation
and we have to release tension and so
the practices and high performance
habits that was the second big finding
that we had was high performers are
generating the energy and that means the
mental emotional physical energy that
they feel is necessary to serve with
excellence in a certain situation like
they're so conscious of it
and i know that's common sense for
people but
it's not always common
practice
yeah you know it's like a lot of people
just wander into that situation and i'm
i'm i'm the guy says you know what get
more intentional release the tension you
have
walk in as your highest self
because that's something you'll never
regret
for sure now one thing i found in the
book that really struck me and i think
this is where i really fell in love with
the book is the concept of necessity
yeah because this is something i talk to
people about um and specifically in the
context of obsession versus passion yeah
and you really went into it not because
i you're probably going to get some
flack and push back on that one yeah but
what you said i was like that is the
absolute truth yeah yeah so explain
people what's the difference between the
two
what is the role of obsession well we
found it so in high performance habits
what we did like you mentioned that we
did the world's largest study of high
performers data from over 190 countries
um from what it essentially turns out to
be like people who are in that top 15 of
whatever they do
and we found that there was basically
personal habits and social habits and
the personal habits was you know like
seek clarity generate energy and that
third one was raised necessity which was
something
i didn't even know really
was a thing psychologically um as
important as it turned out to be and
necessity is kind of short for
performance necessity
um or what we call psychological
necessity which means
there is a moment in which you are
serving people or you're trying to
achieve your goal or your dream in which
now it is not a preference
it's a must
right but to use better languaging it's
it becomes necessary for us to excel in
this like it's not a hope anymore it's
not i i it should do it it becomes so
necessary that
it connects with our identity
that we feel it is necessary for me to
deliver with excellence here because
that is who i am
it's necessary for me to deliver with
excellence here because
somebody needs me
to do well it's necessary for me to do
well here because this topic this thing
i'm doing i'm passionate about this i
care about this i want to master this
i'm obsessed with this and it's
necessary for me to do well because the
time it's it's a deadline or it's go
time or and when all those come together
that show that personal side of this is
my identity and obsessed about it and
that other side where it's like somebody
needs me and there is a real deadline
right in the middle
that's performance necessity
and we when we hit that
game changer
game changer but it is uncomfortable
because people don't want to
exude that much passion in which it
becomes obsession because they're
fearful of their obsessions well if i'm
obsessed about this topic it's going to
take way away from my family
from my time
it's going to introduce a lot of you
know fear or unknowns to me so they back
off but i tell people all the time
there is a difference between passion
and obsession
and high performers have obsession about
the topic
right they are obsessed about the topic
in which they're trying to
learn master grow into and so that
obsession is real i tell people the
difference here's how you know the
difference between the two when you're
passionate everybody cheers you on
they're stoked for you oh you found your
passion awesome follow your passion live
with passion be passionate chase your
passions everything like passion passion
passion passion is good like the words
will be like yay
right
when you're obsessed they're like
why are you gonna be so crazy
why can't you be satisfied
why do you always got to get things so
perfect why you spend so much time here
when you're obsessed people think you're
nuts
so it's different
and it's like i always tell people if no
one thinks you're crazy
you're not yet operating to the outer
limits of your potential
you're not there yet
because somebody in your life should say
man you really care about this in like a
crazy way and when you get there you
know you found your thing and not every
find nobody refines that i think that's
also why it's scary some people go
well i'm passionate or i'm happy but i
don't really obsess about anything you
know most people obsess about you know
their shows on netflix more than their
life i know people who obsess more about
their their you know thread count in
their sheets at their house
than they do about the impact they're
making in the world why do you think
people can slip into an obsession over
netflix or whatever or thread count but
they don't do that for something that
could really change their life feedback
that's interesting not what i expected
you to say what do you mean by that
because
you know
buying something or getting pulled into
netflix being obsessed about something
that gives you no feedback is not scary
a real obsession like trying to make an
impact in the world you're getting
feedback
you're trying to make a difference in
somebody's life they're going to tell
you that doesn't resonate with me
brendan
you try to make a difference in a
non-profit you try to change the world
you try to start something like this
and the views come or they don't come
there's feedback and people are
terrified it's one of the four central
fears we all have is rejection
we're terrified like to be rejected and
think about if you really want to make
an impact
you're going to get a lot of judgment
you're going to get a lot of hate and
ultimately going to get rejection people
are going to like just dis on you people
are going to say that's not good enough
you're going to say who do you think you
are
and people are so worried
about that
that they stop
and so it's easier things that don't
give you feedback
watch the netflix don't give you no
feedback it's easy there's no
disappointment there even if you don't
like the show what do you do you just go
to the next show there's no there's no
disappointment there you know i think
trying to make an impact there's a lot
of disappointment and fear and potential
for rejection so people don't get
obsessed about making a difference and
making an impact
because it can hurt
go deep on identity so you've talked
about how one of the scariest things
about an obsession um is the way that
you tie it to your identity high
performers do that they put themselves
at risk they say like your own story i'm
i am a writer and the day that you
decided you were going to own that you
said that that comes with a risk one
explain to people what that risk is yeah
and then how did you overcome it and how
can other people do that yeah well
imagine like last night i'm going on the
stage right if i if my identity says i
am a public speaker and it is important
for me to be excellent at this
and then i go on stage and i bomb
what does that say about me as a person
so we've got about 50 years of work in
psychology in the field of psychology
saying do not tie your efforts to your
identity because
that risk of disappointment or rejection
you know if the task fails
you shouldn't take that as as a defining
moment in which you say i am a failure
right so that's the risk and that's what
you know psychologists tell us to be
wary of except it turns out that high
performers flip that on its face and go
well actually um
no i do get bothered if it fails i
really get upset about it i am attached
to the process here i i do care if it
turns out well i mean that's why they
obsess about the details that's why they
care about excellence is like no one
obsessed about the details or cares
about excellence unless it means
something to them
and there is a risk the risk is
you over attach
to
the process or the outcome
with your identity so that if the
process or outcome goes bad now you feel
bad about yourself as a human
and now you stop your progress
but i also tell people
there's a balance there
i actually wish more people
would attach some identity
to what they're doing they wouldn't go
through the motions as much i mean
i think what the world needs
less of is half interested parents
who don't have an identity that says you
know what
i'm going to be an excellent parent
i think we have a lot of ceos or
business people or entrepreneurs who
they've never stepped in and said you
know what
i'm a ceo
i own this business i am responsible for
paying the bills i am responsible for
making the money i'm responsible for all
these people's mortgages who work for me
like they i want them to own the
identity of a ceo because most of them
if you ask about their identity and
their business they're kind of like you
come to find
they're kind of approaching it like
not even hobbyists
it's like if you want to win
your identity has to be tied into that
thing in which you are trying to succeed
at and give to and that takes a lot of
guts to put yourself all in for
something but who's ever contributed
something with tremendous impact without
being all into it i've never seen it so
i think the message of the book you're
right i'll get some flack of
a lot of psychologists say don't don't
tell people to tie more of their
identity or my friends who are buddhists
will say but attachment is the form of
all suffering brennan have you not read
your spiritual attacks i'm like look out
calm down i've hung out with the dalai
lama i'm totally cool
but what i'm trying to tell you is even
the dalai lama
has a connection with himself as a
spiritual leader his identity is still
there that people
you know assume that you know we have to
release ourselves from having any
attachment to something but i'm like i
think
we all want to be present and engaged
fully
in the things that we are doing in our
lives
and that's going to require us to say
psychologically you know what i
i
am all in this
that's what i'm about
what i loved in the book is you're
you were open on the journey of writing
it took me about three years if i'm not
mistaken so doing all the research
you've collected the however many
millions of people that are in your
ecosystem and then you start
systematically actually researching the
data and you can feel that in the book
that you were open to being surprised
you were open to changing your thinking
you talk about going through and trying
to find disconfirming evidence and not
just wanting to be in a vacuum and and
some of the surprises in the book were
really really great and in that whole
concept of obsession i loved it because
it felt so real you tell your
followers one you have to take ownership
right so
uh you gave a great example about you're
in a relationship with somebody
whatever energy you guys are creating
you're creating that like don't think
that it's just objectively them like you
guys are doing it together
and i love that love that in the talk
about how obsession can be useful
because so i'm like that's really
important to me and i want people to
understand if you want to achieve at the
highest level you're going to have to
tap into an obsession period yeah and
you put a quote in the book that i think
sums it up perfectly um which goes like
this and by the way the the quotes
people choose for books
reveal so much and i just kept taking
one after another after another out of
your book this is from einstein
only one who devotes himself to a cause
with his whole strength and soul can be
a true master for this reason mastery
demands all of a person
yeah i love that all in
you have to be all in and it's the
hardest thing to do because if it fails
then you can feel like a failure um you
know
i think of this idea of performance
necessity um two stories kind of come to
mind one is i was working with an
olympic gold medalist sprinter and we're
in the tunnel and we're going out and
he's talking about the competition and
we get out to the blocks and i said
uh he was really worried about the
competition i said well how do you even
gauge like who who who's gonna win
you know in in his particular race
people are winning but by you know 1 100
of a second tenths of a second i mean
these are really close sprints and i
said well how how do you know i said who
would you even bet on
and he says
you know i would
bet on the guy
who gets down at the blocks
gets himself settled looks at the finish
line then says
i gotta do this
for my mom
and i was like oh
that's good his performance necessity in
that is
it's necessary for him to win that race
for his mom what is up my friend tom
bill you here and i have a big question
to ask you how would you rate your level
of personal discipline on a scale of one
to ten if your answer is anything less
than a ten i've got something cool for
you and let me tell you right now
discipline by its very nature means
compelling yourself to do difficult
things that are stressful boring which
is what kills most people or possibly
scary or even painful now here is the
thing achieving huge goals and
stretching to reach your potential
requires you to do those challenging
stressful things and to stick with them
even when it gets boring and it will get
boring building your levels of personal
discipline is not easy but let me tell
you it pays off in fact i will tell you
you're never going to achieve anything
meaningful unless you develop discipline
right i've just released a class from
impact theory university called how to
build ironclad discipline that teaches
you the process of building yourself up
in this area so that you can push
yourself to do the hard things that
greatness is going to require of you
right click the link on the screen
register for this class right now and
let's get to work i will see you inside
this workshop from impact theory
university until then my friends be
legendary peace out
um i think of
you know when i started
my career and i really decided to go all
in
with writing and online training um this
is like 2 000 probably six
i'd gone broke completely bankrupt and
failed i left my corporate job i had
this cushy kind of corporate job as a
consultant good job
left it to write
and i didn't know how to make it as a
writer
i want to do seminars workshops didn't
know how to do that so i was pretty much
a hot mess ran out of money um i got
nothing to my name
nothing kind of no positive prospects no
one's calling me except the guys who
want the money
and um
one night i'm riding and the apartment
was so small on the bed i had
uh
my bills my vision boards all my
research
all my journals like the bed was
basically the desk the extended desk
and my lady comes in denise and
she
walks past me but she sees i'm like
trying to write she doesn't want to
disturb me she goes she crawls under
the covers of the bed
and i'm just typing kind of casually
typing away
and i look over
and
i see my woman
sleeping under my bills
and it was just like
you know
because none of us want to see our you
know
our family suffer because we are
not performing
sure and um
i was just like
i gotta figure this out
and i'm telling you i wrote more that
night than any night in my entire life
next day i wrote more than ever that
bird's life scolding ticket which became
a best-seller and in you know 18 months
later because i was like i'm going to
figure out this online thing i'm going
throughout marketing i'm going to figure
out how to teach i'm going to how to
train and get paid for it because i've
never really been paid for those things
i said i'm gonna figure out this
industry and i'm gonna make it 18 months
later after her
crawling under the bills i made 4.6
million dollars jesus online
total transformation people like how did
you do it i'm like she gave me she was
my necessity i was not going to let my
woman
be in that situation
um
and she believed in me she supported me
she she married me
and uh you know but that was she was my
drive
and the second part was i went all in
with my identity i said i am going to be
a great writer
and i am going to be one of the greatest
online trainers there ever was
you know as you said in the intro now
we've graduated over two million people
have taken our online courses video
series now
i don't think it would have happened if
i hadn't had the guts and maybe
the no other choice
to say this is who i'm going to be and
i'm going to build into that
and it's necessary for me to become that
person
so let's go
that's amazing talk to me about that
building into process this is so you did
a video about um how to come back from
being dead broke and it was so
fundamental and real and true i loved it
i was like you're not trying to hype
anybody up in fact you were telling them
you're going to hate this video i'm
going to tell you what to do it's
actually going to work you're going to
hate it and that's when i was like all
right this guy's not [ __ ] around like
your advice is really real so the
concept of building in the concept of
and and i love this you can't imagine
how much i agree with you on this
uh
that it's not just about doing what
comes naturally yeah so what is it about
yeah oh my gosh i'm glad you relate with
me because i'm getting a lot of flack on
that so uh
the big huge finding that really
scratches the surface of a lot of like
cultural assumptions
especially in high performance is this
big cultural conversation we have about
strengths and you know find your
strengths follow your strengths the
strengths are everything and you know
take the strengths finder figure out
your top five strengths follow those
don't do anything else or you know at
least know what they are and really aim
your career to that or aim your behavior
towards that or you know use that as a
guide for recognizing pattern and by the
way i'm all for that's all great i'm
that guy who says you know any
self-reflection you do i'm cheering you
on
like any assessment any tool that makes
you look at with inside i'm like all for
it it's just that
strengths
are not highly correlated with long-term
success
right there's not a lot of data and
there is not a lot of research that has
shown it leads to long-term success with
the positive outcomes associated with
what we care about in psychology which
is we care about happiness we care about
health and we care about your positive
relationships
and this myth that oh we just follow our
strengths to you know
to the promised land
is just not true when you actually talk
with high performers
because my favorite question and if it
was down is just go up to anyone who's
good and say were you always good at
that
and then be like
no
they were like not at all
well did you always have an inclination
to do every element of d where you're
doing really well no like me
man i sucked on stage this year i've
talked to 60 000 people live this is
really important because
this idea that we're just our strengths
are going to give us everything it's
just it's just not true i sucked
speaking on stage
matter of fact i was terrified of it
terrified
but one reason i love your show
is because i had that intention of i
want to make an impact
and when someone actually asks
and and kind of owns that like when they
say do i want to make an impact and the
answer is yes and they own it
they realize they're going to have to
develop they can no longer leave
their growth to
meet you know to to randomness
because if they do they'll always be
mediocre and they realize
i got to become something entirely above
both of those
that's what most people don't see
they're like
it's we've made this binary
false conversation right it's a it's
it's not a true sort of choice here it's
a false dichotomy we call it right it's
not strengths or weaknesses many of you
if you have a big dream a huge goal
you've got to become something entirely
above and beyond any strengths you even
know about feel or own and go way beyond
any weaknesses you've ever even
addressed or even you know about because
you're going to discover so many new
strengths and so many new weaknesses on
the path
that it's almost irrelevant what they
are now it's what's the goal and build
into that you know i didn't know how to
write
i get a lot of critics who are like
literary guys about my books because
every book is different right six books
all of them different
and the reason they all read differently
is i am challenging myself as a writer
to develop
to get better every book i write i'm
going to write this like nothing i've
ever written before
and i go to work at building a new skill
set
to be able to write like manifesto
i researched for two and a half years
just how to write it wow not what to
write
how how do i get that pentameter how do
i what was the rhythm in which
revolutionist rhetoric
was spoken in or written in just to
understand that took me two and a half
years so i had no conceptual
understanding of it it wasn't a strength
i didn't even it wasn't it wasn't on my
radar and what does that process of
skill acquisition look like yeah uh it
first and foremost starts with
identifying um i wouldn't even start
with the skill i would start with the
self
you know in the chapter i'm seeking
clarity we say it's like what we've
found for high performers that they've
identified these four things they're
they're more intentional in these four
areas number one is high performers are
consistently seeking clarity
who do i want to be
and
i know a lot of people do that when they
turn 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 or 70 and
people do that at new year's but high
performers are doing that like
in every situation like before i when i
walked down the stairs i was like who do
i want to be in this interview
right now with my friend tom like i want
to do a good job for him you know
i made that performance necessity on
myself like i want to do a good job so i
was like well i want to be present i
want to be enthusiastic i want to be
bold like i want to be those things
high performers are constantly seeking
clarity about how they want to interact
with other people
and i think a big
development growth point for people is
determining
how do i really want to treat people
when they don't agree with me
or when they're hating on me
or when they're discounting me or
they're being mean to me or we're in a
fight
because i think some of those are the
greatest growth areas of our life
and then high performers are very clear
about the critical skills they must
develop in order to succeed in their
space
you know they they identify
usually we found they usually know three
to five current skills they're working
on so another example for me was video
i was very awkward and uncomfortable in
front of video
i know the feeling right yeah
right
but you said okay if i'm gonna make an
impact i'd better figure that out yep
i'd better figure that out and so you go
to work you put in the miles you you try
because
learning is the ultimate
lever
to leveling up
right you actually have a math equation
if i may which i think is where you're
headed but i loved this equation so much
passion plus growth plus contribution
equals personal satisfaction yeah
yeah it's like
those all coming together
a lot of people have never experienced
and it's hard for you and i'd say that's
personal development guys
but it's true there's a lot of people
who've never had those three completely
line up so they're not satisfied even
with
their job or their career or their life
because the passion isn't there
even if the passions are they don't feel
like they're growing but everybody i
talk to do you remember that first
personal development book you read do
you remember that first time you wrote
tons of notes about what you wanted your
life to be about do you remember that
first time you watched a movie inspired
you to go change there was fire there
because that learning
it opened up your mind to a new level of
existence for you
and soon as you saw it you were like oh
ambition hits your heart
and now if you can match it with
contribution and you can see
how
that passion or that fire or that
learning or that growth all aligns to
some type of impact
now you're getting me fired up because
now i can see the outcome
of all the work a lot of people don't do
the work because they don't believe the
outcome
that's interesting you know if uh in
psychologists talk about the power of
expectancy um when we talk about
motivation there's only two things that
spark motivation one is ambition and
that is i want more
of or i want a greater depth of right i
want a greater depth of connection with
my lady that's ambition where i want a
better meditative practice that's
ambition all right i'm gonna be better
at my job that's ambition so it starts
with ambition but ambition if it's not
coupled with what they call expectancy
in psychology you're screwed
expectancy says i believe
that i can figure that out i believe
that i can achieve that i believe that
that is possible for me
because if we don't believe it's
possible for me you can show them all
the results from a thousand people
right how many people say i want to get
in great shape
you know i'm
tom i'm a new ketosis i'm doing the
ketosis thing man and they they hop on
your instagram and but and they see they
see the cuts they see the changes they
see the transformations but they don't
believe it's possible for them
so they don't try
is their problem you gotta bust through
the beliefs to get them to understand
that it is possible for them
not for other people for them
and if you can open that gate for
somebody
and
often that's only achieved through
learning
then you get somebody who starts really
moving ahead forward
i mean really moving ahead like the
second they go wait that's possible for
me they'll try 50 stupid things right
they'll try anything
but if they don't lose possibly them
they'll just quit do you have
within this context so obviously seek
help is first and foremost but beyond
that
um what what does that rebuilding
process look like for somebody who's
trapped in depression and suicidal
thoughts yeah
i've been there a lot
in my life
especially
before my car accident my teenage years
than the first woman i ever loved we had
a
big breakup
and that breakup sent me down in
depression and suicidal planning
and uh
it's tough to dispense advice to people
other than get help and i'll share why
because that time in my life i had so
many people coming up to me you know my
friends would come into my dorm room
let's go do something and you just
there's just the hope is lost
and what people i think make the mistake
of trying to do is hype people up
everything's gonna be okay you're gonna
be great
and what people need who are suicidal is
serious psychological intervention they
need to seek support and help and
outside of that
when they do get that support
the first thing a great therapist is
going to do outside of the emotional
reflection work of why are you here and
what has caused this sort of pattern for
you they're going to get you starting to
get some momentum
the most important thing is when you are
super down
outside of finding that emotional
reasoning for where you are
is to start getting momentum because
with momentum comes hope with momentum
comes motivation with momentum comes
you know that feeling that there's a
reason for tomorrow
and so it's as simple as just saying
okay what are three things i'm gonna do
today
and
i don't mean that like a lot of personal
development guys would say like what are
your three big goals for the day ah i'm
like dude sometimes that first goal is
shh i'm gonna shower today
i'm really in shower today
uh
i'm gonna walk to the library
and come home
and that's all they got
like literally that's all they got
and you gotta honor that struggle
when you're in that place like know that
where you're at it is okay that you're
there and now you're gonna need help and
now you're gonna have to set up some
daily practices just every day win a
little bit
not like win your dreams not like crush
through goals not like be badass not
like no
just momentum man
you know most of the guys i've dealt
with
in that position who were suicidal um
outside of their therapeutic work i said
the most important thing you can do is
win the morning
just win the morning man i think that's
true for all of us even high performers
like i if i don't have my morning
routine game i feel you know out of
sorts um so i think it's true for
everybody you gotta own your morning you
gotta win it because that starts and
sets up everything else i know you
believe that as well like people need
that discipline those routines
that will help the rest of their day go
better
and
i don't want to ever be flippant with
the advice to people who are dealing
with that situation outside of get some
help
get some momentum and be okay if that
momentum is really small
because it will build trust that that
momentum builds and trust those
gloomy and bad dark days
trust that those are
going to be there
they'll get less and less and less as
you learn how to cope but they're going
to be there and so when they're there
it's one of my i mean outside of
teaching people to bring the joy in my
life
i teach people to honor the struggle
honor the difficulty
when we honor the struggle instead of
hate the struggle
we can really achieve extraordinary
things because our mindset's in the
right place it accept like as soon as
you honor the struggle you accept that
oh of course there should be struggle
here i should i should honor this
process when you go to the gym to work
out you like honor that this is going to
be hard and it honored that process of
getting better and the more that you
bring honor to it the more your psyche
builds with strength and you get a
little bit of that esteem back
because you see yourself engaging
something versus avoiding it and running
away
you see yourself connecting with
something and giving it
reverence
you're like like i have reverence for
the difficulties of life they may be
better
so i don't want a friction-free life i'm
not interested in it you know the the
the
i
like to say sometimes that you know
the journey to greatness begins
the moment that
our you know deep desires for comfort
and ease
are overpowered
by our desires to connect and contribute
i love that man
where can these guys find you online
before i ask my final question just you
know what brandon.com b-r-e-n-d-o-n.com
i saw
i remember seeing this way back
oprah had oprah.com
and i thought how cool would be to have
your name
dot-com
now
i sought this kid out so i went to
brendan.com and this guy he had his
resume up there
and that's all he had was a resume so i
emailed the guy and i'm like hey man i
really love to own this website
um could i buy it from me he goes no
it's my name like dang it
and he says uh no you know i got my mom
she's got you know
an email we have an email associated
with the domain right all this stuff i
said oh man
all right
every so i said in my calendar every six
months for six years whoa
my calendar would go off and i'd email
him again
email him again email him again email it
took six
years and was sixth year he said you
know what yeah you know i i'd be
interested in that conversation
sold it so i got brendan.com i'm really
happy about that really thrilled that
stupid story but i was like yes
determination um
so brendan.com uh follow me on instagram
at brandonburchard
um check out my youtube channel because
i think anything you're going through in
your life you can hit my youtube channel
and there's you know over 100 plus
videos
of something nice yeah all right last
question what is the impact that you
want to have on the world oh
that is hard one
uh
you know
it's so simple like when you get the
life is really short and you felt that
before either by you were threatened or
you've had someone your dear near and
dear die but when you have that real
essence in you that says life is short
have reverence for it live it that's a
really big thing i got that at 19 and i
learned specifically
that
if we have a moment of cognition before
the end of our life
we tend to
ask questions to evaluate if we're happy
so if i have any impact in the world
it's
going to come from that experience where
i learned that the ultimate lesson is
determine
what the questions you're going to ask
at the end of your life are going to be
find out those questions what will you
ask at the end of your life
to evaluate your life
so that you would know if you were happy
with your life like figure out those
questions
and then live each day
intentionally so you're happy with the
answers at the end for me the answers
the questions i had were did i live
which i hadn't i hadn't been living my
life i've been thinking about taking my
life
did i love
no my heart was broken
and i put up all these walls to keep out
other people and i always say you know
sometimes the walls we put up to keep
out the bad guys prevent the good guys
from getting in
and suddenly in our own self-protection
we block out the very thing we want
which is connection
and i learned that i would ask did i
matter
you know 22 years ago
on a dark caribbean night i'm standing
on the crumpled hood of a car
bleeding out
my friend
and i just wrecked a car he's screaming
at the top of his lungs he's bleeding we
know if we're going to live
and i'm standing on this car
looking down all this blood
and i'm in terror
and i just remember looking down the
hood and just thinking
did i even matter
you know
and i hated the answer at that time in
life
because a 19 year old kid i didn't know
about impact theory
for real i didn't know to think about
that you some you know young kids
sometimes they don't know to think about
that i didn't know to think about
legacy
meaning
did i matter i didn't think i did
but the good news is i'm a good learner
and i felt like i got a second chance
from god that night and i learned
that it was really important for me
to figure out how do i live and how do i
love and how do i matter in such a way
that if i face my death again i'll know
i've earned the second chance
and so what i want to tell people and
the impact i want is i just want people
to know know your questions man live
intentionally and earn the life that
you've been given because this moment's
a blessing so earn this moment and live
intentionally i love it man thank you so
much for thank you beating yourself up
will not make you do the work to get
healthy
and tearing yourself down over the [ __ ]
that you've done or the terrible
relationships that you're in it's not
going to empower you to change the
patterns that are keeping you stuck