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Language: en
obesity is a choice this doesn't mean
it's easy to solve but it is a choice
you must accept this or you will never
solve this problem yeah all right I
agree with that wholeheartedly and I
know how much you care about people so I
don't want people shutting down or
thinking that you're being a jerk it's
just like this is a problem that you can
unwind and it is a problem that you
created for yourself again lies abound
lies in the food pyramid lies that we
tell ourselves lies that our parents
raises with all that but so the the list
that I gave you in terms of what people
need to understand what they're going to
have to unwind and then I had you put it
in order so in no particular order this
was the list diet exercise which for
what we're talking about we'll call
cardio already accumulated fat I don't
think people understand is is a it's a
organ and it signals hormonally and all
kinds of stuff muscle mass excuses
insulin resistance mitochondrial
dysfunction hormones life style which
for this I'm going to say is sleep
sunlight and stress and then love
relationships joy joy for Life something
a hobby that you really love
all right that was the list so in terms
of things that that get people there and
keep them stuck
what what's the order all the things
that you listed contribute but a couple
of them contribute to the rest there's a
couple of them that are drivers all of
them so first I want to I want to
address the tweet that I sent out and I
say that with the most compassion I made
a career I mean two and a half Decades
of working with people trying to help
them improve their health and anytime
you're trying to change anything you
have to you absolutely especially if you
want to do it long term you have to
accept
the things that you can't change and you
but you also have to take the
responsibility for things you can so
that feeling of empowerment is crucial
to long-term success like there was one
indicator one predictor of whether or
not a client that I worked with would be
able to get that long-term success which
by the way is less than five percent if
you look at all the data on weight loss
diets and attempts to lose weight it's
like a 95 fail rate it's it's dismal and
it doesn't matter is that initial weight
loss or long term this is like within a
couple years so you lose the weight and
then you gain it back that's like 95 and
I would stretch it out to even higher if
you were to go uh stretch that timeline
out even further I mean millions of
Americans lose weight every year right
nobody can keep it off so and it just
doesn't matter what the diet is right by
the way they compare all diets diets
that are considered healthy like
Mediterranean diets that are extreme
like carnivore veganism
um you know fasting you name it all of
them have a similar or the same fail
right okay so the problem is not losing
weight the problem's keeping it off and
the challenge is like what's what's
happening what is it that is preventing
people from
being able to positively impact their
health and then maintain that that
process or maintain that type of
relationship that keeps them there and
that was the problem that I worked on
and tried to solve for years and years
and years you have to start with
believing that there are things that you
can control and accepting that those
things are your responsibility and
saying okay now that doesn't make it
easy
it at all it's still hard as heck
obviously modern society is the default
of living in a modern society is poor
health the default is obesity you have
to it's really terrifying that's 100 if
you just lived a quote unquote normal
life in modern societies you're going to
be
sick unhealthy and probably overweight
okay so you have to take conscious steps
develop different behaviors disciplines
structures you have to be weird in the
sense that you're not going to be like
most people
um in order to live differently in order
to to break free from the default which
is sick unhealthy
um and obese you accept that there's
things that you can change control
except that this is my responsibility
doesn't make it easy but you got to
start there and then let's talk about
that list that you sent me so you went
through all those different things there
are two things that contribute to the
rest now I remember years ago it was a a
trainer
I first started out thinking that losing
weight would help people become happy
I later took me 10 years to figure out
that you first had to learn how to be
happy before you could really lose the
weight and keep it off forever that's
really the direction of where things go
when you look at data on people working
with dietitians or nutritionists versus
people working with therapists we're
talking about obese people therapy has a
higher success rate long term than
people who work with dietitians or
nutritionists let me restructure this
let me paint a different context
um when you're eating and living in a
way that is making you severely obese
and giving you poor health it's not
unlike somebody that has a poor
relationship with let's say alcohol
so let's say you have a friend that has
got a bad relationship with alcohol
they're an alcoholic and from the
outside it's easy for you to look at
them and say God why can't they just see
that they're killing themselves like why
can't they stop doing this it's very
similar to when somebody's let's say 60
pounds overweight it's like what is
going on why can't they care for
themselves in a way that's gonna
make them feel better why can't they
take care of themselves like somebody
who deserves to be taken care of that's
the root of what's going on we use food
um rarely as a way to nourish ourselves
and rarely do we eat because we're
genuinely hungry
most people in modern societies never
really feel
true hunger we don't go more than a day
without food for most people okay I
think the right way to think about food
is it is a drug that you have to take
every day to survive that's one that has
drug-like effects 100 so that's one very
accurate way to look at it so if you
look at all the reasons why people eat
it's usually because of feelings I'm
anxious sad depressed happy or because
I'm bored or as a distraction
um we develop a relationship with food
in modern societies that revolves around
palatability mostly how good does it
taste you know how does it make me feel
while I'm eating it and maybe
convenience those are the two main
things and so our relationship is almost
entirely revolved or developed around
those two things this is why when people
are with each other and they say hey
what do you want to have for lunch it's
an interesting conversation well I feel
like this or what about that or it's
what they're what they're using to
regulate or consider what they're going
to eat next is those two things
palatability convenience maybe fun and
that's about I want to push on this a
little bit so when I think about therapy
being more effective than going and
working with a trainer or a dietitian
that brings me back to this idea of it's
a drug-like effect so last year was the
first time in my life where I've ever
been so stressed that I found myself
wanting to manipulate my neurochemistry
and I was like whoa so now I understand
uh how people get here because I was
like this is this is really intolerable
and if I didn't have rules in my life if
I didn't have meditation if I didn't
have a healthy relationship with my wife
if I didn't have a healthy relationship
with food I would have really gotten
myself into trouble and it was the first
time where I was like oh this is the
people get into a neurochemical state
that is so unpleasant they will do
anything to get themselves out of that
they will smoke weed they will drink
alcohol they will
sex addiction food addiction all of it
like that they have to change that
neurochemical state there's something
though when I say that it's like a drug
that I can tell doesn't quite click into
place like a puzzle piece for you yeah
but for me that sounds right what is it
you think that I'm missing that is still
congruent with the idea that therapy is
the most useful treatment yeah so what
you're saying by the way that it's like
a drug is 100 correct the reason why
what you're reading is that it doesn't
maybe fit 100 is because when we use the
word drug
the um the understanding that people
have or the I guess the knee-jerk
reaction is oh that's negative
because food is can also be quite
positive by the way so can drugs drugs
can also have profound positive effects
as well but when we say it in that
context be like oh my God it's negative
I'm saying all this though in the
context of someone is obese and they are
stuck yes no you're you're 100 right
um they aren't eating uh to feel good
um long term it's to feel good in the
moment or to numb themselves or distract
themselves and this is a a very
difficult relationship to break in fact
if you look at the the studies on drug
addiction which we can put food
addiction in this category when you look
at the studies on drug addiction with
you know the old ones on mice they would
put mice in a cage and then they'd give
them like water or Like Cocaine waste
water and the mouse would just shrink
the cocaine laced water until it died
and so they said oh these are so
powerfully addicting that you can't
control yourself well later on
scientists said hold on a second this is
a mouse stuck in a cage let's create an
environment where they have Playmates
where there's lots of space there's lots
of things for them to do and what they
found is the addiction rate dropped
significantly so the substance wasn't
necessarily the problem it was the state
of mind that drove the animal which or
human to this type of abuse so what we
need to do if we're looking for
long-term success is stop considering or
stop thinking of humans as machines
where we can put inputs and then it just
follows directions
and remember that were these emotion
driven Behavior based creatures and so
when you gave me that list I put at the
top two which Drive everything else all
the other stuff in order in order okay
let's hear it I'll give you what's
number one yeah I wrote them all down so
lifestyle first love then comes excuses
and then the rest
are important but the order of them
isn't as important then it goes diet
muscle mass exercise hormones insulin
resistance mitochondrial dysfunction and
then already accumulated body fat now
all right hold on so I got lifestyle
love excuses diet muscle and then
exercise
hormones people have got to be freaking
out the exercises that low I know uh
insulin resistance
mitochondrial dysfunction
and then already accumulated body fat
last one is body fat yeah okay so
interesting yeah and I'll I'll explain
this and it'll start to make sense okay
so why did I put lifestyle love at the
top
those two things Drive behaviors if your
stress is dysfunctional
if you don't get lots of sunlight you
get poor sleep those are very very
strong Behavior drivers that will drive
your behaviors to comfort distract
seek out Foods or activities that in the
moment might make you feel better but in
the long term aren't so great love is
right up there as well love has or lack
of love has profound negative effects on
our health and amazing
um effects on our behaviors there was a
study done
um within the last 10 years where they
showed that having poor relationships
was as bad for your health as smoking 10
cigarettes a day
so you could be a health fanatic but
also have terrible relationships and you
might as well be smoking 10 cigarettes a
day do you know what the mechanism of
action is like is it that it raises your
blood pressure or something like that do
we know all of the above when you look
at the the physiological effects of poor
relationships all of the physiological
measures that we can measure decline all
of them immune function hormone uh
hormones become imbalanced sleep becomes
dysregulated neurochemical balance
becomes dysregulated we're such social
creatures that it's in the Geneva
Convention isolating someone for too
long is considered inhumane this is
these are prisoners of War okay
um that's how that's how terrible it is
for us now this list is linear but it's
actually more of a circle okay because
all those other things that I listed
when those start to go downhill when I
start to not be active when I start to
lose muscle mass as a result of it when
my mitochondrial function starts to
become dysfunctional when I start to
develop insulin resistance when I
develop when I gain more body fat and
then that body fat starts to Signal my
body through hormones and chemicals what
it does then is it goes right back to
affecting my lifestyle affecting the
relationships that I have which then
also affect all those other things and
it actually becomes a positive feedback
loop so for people who don't understand
what a positive feedback loop is it's
like when you have a microphone and a
speaker and you put the mic close to the
speaker and it gets real loud because
the microphone picks up the noise of the
speaker the speaker then projects it and
it just gets super loud so when you get
into that spiral
um it gets really really hard to break
now
um this isn't to say that you need to
just focus on lifestyle and love and
everything else will follow
exercising alone if you do it in the
right way
um and that's going to remind people how
low exercise is on your list yeah yeah
again if you have a bad lifestyle and
poor relationships you can become
fanatical about exercise you can become
orthorexic about your diet you're not
going to be healthy and we're talking
about health here okay you're not going
to be healthy and and I know plenty of
people like this in Myspace in the
fitness space Fitness space is riddled
with bodies that look ripped uh that
belong to extremely unhealthy
dysfunctional uh individuals and so
where if if somebody is obese first of
all for anybody that's listening to this
as a podcast style is jacked uh it's
important to note uh and for anybody
that is obese and they're looking at
somebody that's in shape it I think they
would need to understand what under the
amazing outward appearance where they do
look healthy
what isn't going well yeah that's that's
a really really good question you know
the one of the biggest challenges this
is where I feel for
people who struggle with obesity well
there's lots of reasons why I feel for
them but this is one a big one obesity
is a very outward visible obvious sign
of poor health or dysfunction I'll say
if we can tie it back to Lifestyle
when I see somebody that's overweight I
know they're struggling emotionally I
don't wonder I know right but like a
gambling addiction can't always see it a
drug addiction a lot of times you can't
see it someone has a sex addiction
terrible relationships other dysfunction
they could present themselves and at
first glance they're like oh they're
okay but if you're walking around 80
pounds overweight
you know there's a lot of judgment
there's a lot of assumptions
um and uh you're it's like you're
wearing your challenges
um on on your sleeve it's it's out for
everyone to look at so it makes it even
more challenging uh I would say
um but okay so
you look at somebody and they look
ripped you're on Instagram oh wow look
at that person they're super ripped but
what you what you might not know is that
person abuses their body through over
exercise that the relationship with diet
is not a healthy one it's extremely
restrictive it's very orthorexic lots of
stress around their food if it's not
perfect if I'm not hitting the right
macronutrients uh oh my God I'm gonna be
going on vacation what am I going to eat
I'm going to that restaurant I can't go
there I can't enjoy birthday parties I
don't like going out with anyone unless
they're Fanatics like I am so uh it's
it's this unhealthy relationship that on
on the surface appears to be because you
look at someone and we've learned to
glorify extreme bodies
um as healthy oftentimes drug abuse
drugs that make the person feel better
that don't have calories you'll see a
lot of drug abuse with the fitness space
that isn't alcohol because alcohol makes
you fat so what drugs are popular oh
gosh any drug that doesn't have calories
cocaine uh ecstasy you know marijuana
you name it oh it doesn't help it
doesn't make me gain body fat so I'll
abuse it and then uh pharmaceutical
performance enhancing drugs anabolic
steroids growth hormones appetite
suppressants and the like so they can be
very unhealthy and be quite miserable
even though they appear and and this is
one of my gripes with the fitness
industry
there's so much bad information that
comes out of the fitness I'd say
majority of the information that comes
out is bad and a lot of the reason why
it's bad part of it it's consumer driven
we want the Quick Fix easy answer
but a lot of it is that the information
that we get is coming from these uh
Fitness fanatic orthorexics like these
are people who
don't understand uh what it's like to be
normal they're obsessive about their
lifestyle and so they're communicating
to the everyday average person and so
what do you hear you hear stuff like
Beast Mode no days off food is fuel I
don't even taste the food I just eat
what I need to nourish my body you know
type of deal which
I could see for some high performers
might have some value look you're a high
performer in business I think you know
what I'm talking about when it comes to
that you have this another gear that you
could turn on
but I think when the average person
hears that first of all either they're
like oh that's what I got to do and that
doesn't work because they're not that
fanatical or it turns them off
completely you know so I want to talk
about that for a second
um okay going back people are obese
they're stuck there are lies running
around in their head
a lot of those lies are being told to
them by them they've absorbed some
things through other people but I want
to go back to your Tweet and it's like
yeah okay
I come from a morbidly obese family when
I say that I love these people I love
these people so in no way do I disparage
people that are in this gnarly situation
but I I really want people to understand
that when somebody says go beast mode go
ham all that it will work
and if you do it and you can sustain it
like there is something I don't ever
want to say hey this really hardcore
mentality is not going to work I love
that [ __ ] I love people going ham and
pushing themselves and like dude I want
to be the greatest of all time and one
of the things that drives me crazy is
when everybody's like uh the tyranny of
low expectations like oh you're
overweight oh man like you're never
gonna make it like don't worry like aim
low no and of course people don't say
that but it's like hey
aspire to something that you are
inspired by that you really would be
prepared to just go after for a very
long period of time but understand that
you have to find a thread and You Begin
pulling it and so just anchoring
background lifestyle lifestyle was sleep
sun and stress which you said is
everything is Downstream of that yeah
and so people like I I don't want to
give people low expectations I want them
to Aspire to something great but then I
want them to take one step at a time
so I know that being a trainer for as
long as you were really beat you down
because a lot of people give up and so
I've heard you say a lot that like my
goal is to get people to do two or three
days a week and they'll sustain it I
really have a hard time with that I know
you know why you have a hard time with
that how many Tom Billiards do you think
exists in the world are people like you
you are literally one in a million so
those messages that you hear the beast
mode and Aspire and they resonate with
you because that's who you are there's
two ways to do this sustainably okay
there's two ways one which is extremely
rare which you fall into is The Epiphany
this is the moment that's it the light
switch and it could be anything it could
be
trauma it could be you just decided it
could be an event someone had a heart
attack my friend died from cancer
sometimes you see this and they're just
like that's it I'm never gonna be the
way I was before that's extremely rare
extremely rare I know more people who've
had heart attacks more people who've
lost people to poor health who didn't
have that Epiphany than people who have
and it stuck with them so you're a rare
individual now here's where the majority
of people are
it's the developing the skill of
discipline and modifying and changing
their behaviors over time this is where
a majority of people will find success I
am not saying aim low I'm saying if you
want to climb the mountain there is a
way to get there and it's a step-by-step
process and every step is a step forward
you do have the control you do have the
responsibility but we have to do this in
a way that is sustainable and the only
way to do so is to take this
step-by-step approach now the reason why
I say my goal is to get people to
develop a relationship with exercise
where they're doing it two or three days
a week is because in my experience the
average person who is not the ultra
driven High performing High achiever You
Know Rarity the average person
wants exercise to improve the quality of
their life and they don't want to do it
all the time they want to go to work not
because they want to you know be the
most successful person in the world but
they just they want to do something they
kind of enjoy but they want to go back
to their house and enjoy their family
and leave and Lead that kind of a life
and there's nothing wrong with that so
those are the people that I'm talking to
now if you were my client
um you came to hire me you'd be easy
you'd be the easiest client in the world
I know I would know exactly how to train
you I tell you what to do and you do it
and you'd show up as many days a week as
I told you and however many times a day
I told you to show up in my 25 years of
working with people I can say I've had
like two or three clients like that the
vast majority that wouldn't work and I'm
a I can be very inspirational
motivational speaker and communicator
and in my early days as a trainer that's
what I tried to do is I tried to turn
everybody into a Tom or a me in that
regard and I was successful at getting
people on board terrible fail rate
um long term and again the data is super
clear on this so how do we get the
average person
to become healthy you can reboot your
life your health even your career
anything you want all you need is
discipline I can teach you the tactics
that I learned while growing a billion
dollar business that will allow you to
see your goals through whether you want
better health stronger relationships a
more successful career any of that is
possible with the mindset and business
programs in Impact Theory University
join the thousands of students who have
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today
how do we get the average person to lead
us the lifestyle that's balanced that
improves their longevity makes them feel
better balances out the hormones get
them to a body fat percentage or body
composition that is sustainable but
healthy improves their Mobility gives
them energy how do we get those people
to do so it's a different conversation
it's more of a conversation like
um
you know like like this take ask
yourself the following questions and
I've said this so many times I think I
even said it last time I was on your
show
what's one step I can take today
that is realistic forever but also
somewhat challenging it's got to be
challenging because otherwise it doesn't
mean anything but it's got to be
realistic forever because otherwise I am
going to set myself for up for failure
95 okay whatever that step is there's no
wrong answer
there is no wrong answer so it could be
I'm going to drink an extra glass of
water it could be I'm gonna walk five
minutes a day now is that ultimately
what's going to lead them to this
healthy lifestyle if they just did that
no probably not but what it does and in
my experience is they do that
and they do it and it becomes a
consistent Behavior they develop a good
relationship with it and then on their
own naturally they ask themselves again
it usually happens within a few months
what's the next step that I can take
what else can I do and over time this
trend becomes a snowball and over time
we developed this relationship where I'm
never going to stop taking care of
myself I enjoy this I'm never going to
stop eating in a way that's healthy
because I want to not because I'm
feeling forced but because this is
something that
um is is caring for me that I'm caring
for myself that's the direction that
takes people there long term everything
else is good luck
um I could give people all the answers I
could give them the cheat sheets what I
used to do
and it just it just doesn't work it's
hard it's almost impossible this is a
skill that takes time to develop and
again the Epiphany when you say this is
a skill what's this this relationship
with yourself with exercise with
nutrition with lifestyle that is healthy
okay so going back to give a
Counterpoint to that and I want to fully
acknowledge that the number of people
that you've seen in this context is
extraordinary and so I don't want to
diminish the just you've tested this
idea against Real World people
um what I come back to so I get the same
kind of thing through impact Theory
University but it's not usually about
the body it's about the mind so think of
it as goals that aren't the body so
you've dealt with goals that are the
body an ideal endlessly with goals that
aren't the body and the one thing I've
seen over and over and over is that
people don't want it badly enough it's a
it's a game of desire and there were two
things as you were talking that I wrote
down one was desire that people just
they have to want that thing and the
problem with fat loss the reason I think
that people lose fat but then they gain
it back is
consistency like people don't understand
like when it comes to success in
business they can do what I tell them
for two weeks but can they do it for two
years and even if they can't two years
is nothing can you do it for two decades
so every time I put my head down and I'm
like I have to get this person to change
their behavior I come back every time
that they've got to want it badly enough
and then they have to see results now
the thing like that I want to scream
into the [ __ ] camera and get people
to hear me if you eat right you will
feel awesome but there there is this
window for me it was about three weeks
where when I started eating well which I
will say is Whole Food and don't eat
things and Spike your glucose if you do
those two things oh my God like you're
gonna be in great shape but for three
weeks it was miserable and I remember
going to my wife and saying if I ate a
cookie right now I would feel better I
have a headache this is [ __ ] stupid
like I just want to eat a cookie and my
wife is like you can keep whining about
it or you can realize that if you keep
going down this path you will break your
addiction to sugar and supposedly
because this is a long time ago now it's
like so commonplace that people
understand metabolic flexibility the
difference between burning sugar and
burning uh ketones and ah but I didn't
know any of that but she was like look
supposedly on the other side of this
you're not addicted to Sugar anymore and
those headaches will go away so either
eat the cookie and stop complaining or
get to the other side of this my wife
can be really cut and dry sometimes I
[ __ ] love it and so I was like yeah
you're right I'm not gonna eat the
cookie and then I woke up one day and I
was like I feel different it was so on
off like I went from headaches this is
miserable to waking up one day and being
like something is different
and like I there is a person I'm
thinking about right now that I love
very much so very much and
every time I see them
they are in tears over how much they
hurt they don't feel good
and they they'll even say I know I know
it's my diet
and I'm like
for three weeks just for three weeks
because if they get that result and they
start feeling better now they want it
and once they want it like nobody has to
tell me to eat well anymore because I
don't like the way I feel when I don't
eat well and I'm lucky enough to be old
enough that like if I eat something bad
my skin will start to itch my joints
will hurt and so I'm like I know how
much I can get away with so I never eat
more than that because I don't want to
be itchy or I don't want my joints to
hurt or I don't want my sleep disrupted
I don't want brain fog oh my God so but
ultimately what I really want people to
hear or for you to smash me down and say
I'm out of my mind because I am very
open if you can open a door to me and I
can see a way to helping people that I
don't currently see
they've got to do something to build the
desire and if they if they fail to build
the desire they will never get beyond
the like doing enough yeah you're um
there's a lot of Truth in what you're
saying but you have to ask yourself this
right how many people became sober
and then went back how many people lost
weight improved their health felt better
and then went back so it's like what's
going on they got the result
they felt better they felt healthy and
yet they went back to what they were
doing before
that made them feel so crappy what do
you say in a single sentence what you
think happens
they didn't build the right relationship
with what they were doing so I'll I'll
give you an example okay
let's say
um I go into weight loss
from a standpoint of
um self-hate I hate my body I'm gross
exercise is now a punishment
diet is now restrictive
so while I'm eating better
it's restrictive I can't have that I
can't have that I can't have that
exercise in the beginning is cathartic
because I'm punishing myself this is why
people initially love working out to
exhaustion they leave crawling out of
the gym wow that was a great workout
right they commiserate over how hard the
workout was with their friend but then
eventually it's like this sucks who who
could possibly enjoy beating themselves
up every time they work out
so the relationship they built with this
lifestyle
although their health is improved
although they move better what they're
focusing on you know what you shine the
light on is what you what you see right
what they're focusing on is this is
punishment
this is restrictive
this sucks
now let's flip that
um instead of saying I hate my body I'm
gross it's like
I Love Myself by the way it's not a
feeling it's not like the joy the the
love feeling love is an action okay I
have kids I don't always feel the
feeling of Love sometimes I want them I
want to kick them out of the house but
um I actively love them okay so it's an
action you have to choose oftentimes if
you've been married for a long time
anybody who's done that for a long time
knows it's a choice sometimes
so I can look in the mirror and say
I need to start loving myself I need to
start taking care of myself
I deserve to be cared for by the person
who is most responsible for me which is
myself
now exercise becomes self-care
malnutrition becomes self-care it's no
longer restrictive I can't I can't I
can't it's you know what I don't want
that I actually don't want that going to
the gym is no longer punishment it's
self-care you show up the gym and you go
all right what can I do to like take
care of myself sometimes it's hard
workout sometimes it's easy to work out
sometimes it's stretching sometimes it's
cardio sometimes it's strength training
you're actually trying to care for
yourself now you've developed a
relationship with the behaviors that
lead to
healthy Fit Body because it's the
behaviors that lead to that it's not
it's not the effect it's not the result
that leads to the behaviors it's the
behaviors that lead to the result
that's how it typically works so now I
want to care for myself now when I eat I
want to care for myself now I've
developed a relationship with those
things where look
um I crave healthy food I know people
hearing this might be like what are you
talking about no no I know Pizza tastes
better than a fresh salad like I know
the palatability of pizza is through the
roof but I've developed a relationship
with food to wear I also know all the
other values that that's salad may bring
me I feel better my skin is better my
energy is better I feel sharper my
digestion is better
um that pizza is going to taste amazing
but I know all the other stuff that
comes along with it so when I'm sitting
down and I'm offered both nine out of 10
times I don't want the pizza and I can't
have it that's very different I don't
want it
I do want the salad you know um Tang but
Tom this took me 10 years to figure out
I trained people I I apologize to all
the people I trained the first 10 years
I was a trainer because I was terrible
but I remember
um early on or for those first 10 years
I should say first decade
when when I would look at people's diets
and change their diets I would take
things away okay write down what you eat
over the next two weeks and then they
bring it to me and I look at it okay
we're gonna cut this out we're going to
cut that out we're going to cut this out
and it was a terrible long-term approach
I mean if they listened to me they would
do it we'd see results and then
everybody eventually went back everybody
later on I stopped taking things out I
started adding things you might think
well how's that make any sense you're
trying to get someone lose weight what
do you mean you're adding things I added
things that I knew would contribute to
the behaviors that would then get them
to take things out of their diet so I'll
give you some simple examples I would
say hey look eat
continue eating the way you are but
here's what I want you to do I want you
to hit these protein targets every day
so here's what we're gonna have to do
we're gonna have to add
protein to every meal to hit your
whatever 130 grams of protein a day so
that's going to be 40 grams of protein
plus a protein shake so when you eat
your breakfast lunch and dinner I don't
care what else you eat but before you
eat whatever you eat hit the 40 grams of
protein then eat the rest now why would
that work protein is very satiating
protein controls blood sugar contributes
to behaviors that make you eat less
gives you more sustainable energy so
when they would do that you know what I
would find they would end up eating less
here's another one
um I would say hey do whatever you're
doing continue doing it but I want you
to drink uh almost a gallon of water a
day let's let's hit that Target every
single day there's no fat burning
Miracle properties of water aside from
you know if you need to get the right
amount of water but I knew when they
would do that they wouldn't drink
anything else that had calories they had
to drink a gallon of water you know hard
that is to do for most people
um and it also helped with craving
satiety energy inflammation those types
of things this is a great strategy
without denying that I will say it is
sidestepping that therapy is more
effective
so when I asked if you could describe in
a single sentence what you think is
going wrong the single sentence I have
is that this is a neurochemical problem
people are trying they have an emotional
issue and they are manipulating their
neurochemistry and the reason I think
people rebound so I know somebody that
was sober for a very long time 30 years
and then they relapsed and
if I told that story to a therapist and
said what do you know about that person
they're going to say something stressful
happened and the answer is yes
and
if it's
a breakup if it's a career failure
whatever things happen in the mind that
people go I can't feel this way and
going back to you know one of the really
brutal things about being overweight is
that everyone can see that you're
struggling with something emotional
but there are other ways that people can
begin to develop that healthier
relationship therapy is one of them but
then the other is feeling good which we
talked about but the other is a
compelling future
and so what do you think the role of
compelling futurists like I am excited
about something and I'm willing to fight
for that something yeah that's all
you know you you said we're sidestepping
therapy what I said about adding things
I learned from therapists I I had huge
growth as a coach and trainer working
concurrently with therapists with
clients and it started with clients that
I would get that
um were recovering from eating disorders
so I get people who are recovering
anorexics or bulimics and they would
come to me hire me and I'd say do you
mind if I work with your therapist
because I'm a trainer I'm not a
therapist and I would work with the
therapist with these people and I
learned a lot a lot about how to be
effective through my vehicle which was
Fitness and that's one of the things
that I learned was the psychology that
we have around restricting can be so
powerful take tell people to take things
away and it's hard tell people to add
things and it tends to be a little
easier because it doesn't feel they're
rebelling against instructions the
Rebellion tell me what I can eat
absolutely by the way speaking of
rebelling you know why people
when they go off a diet they don't like
just go back to what they were doing
before there's a period of like where
they went worse they go worse than what
they were doing before you ever notice
that it's like they don't go off the
diet and eat like one cookie they go off
the diet need a box of cookies make
themselves sick it's because they're
rebelling against their own selves their
own tyrannical identity that was telling
them you will punish yourself with
exercise you will restrict your diet and
then eventually that inner child or
whoever feels like they're being
punished who's like At first they're
like yes you deserve to be punished but
eventually he's like I don't want to
live this way anymore breaks free and
like a teenager doesn't just go back to
what they were doing before actually
over corrects did the therapist ever
give you anything around how to get them
to stop feeling they need to punish
themselves yeah absolutely you have to
connect one of the biggest mistakes
people make with exercise is obsessing
over the scale
that's a metric it's not it's not it's
an important one so I'm not going to
downplay and say it's not important but
it's not the only metric
there's lots of things that exercise and
nutrition positively impact that for
lack of a better term most people are
not even aware of because all they're
focused on is the scale in fact people
are so focused on the scale that they'll
sacrifice their health in order to make
the scale go down they'll actually make
themselves feel worse
but they're like oh it's working because
the scale is going on down
um not even paying attention all the
other things so I used to really help
people connect the dots to all the other
things that were happening so it's like
okay the scale hasn't moved over the
last couple weeks but how was your sleep
how was your energy how's your skin have
you noticed any changes in productivity
what about your moods what about your
libido and then they come back and be
like you know what
yeah actually I'm sleeping like way
better than I was before and you know I
feel more patient with my kids you know
I remember I had this one gentleman that
I trained it was very successful
um entrepreneur and he had a tough
relationship with exercise but it was
this very disciplined entrepreneur that
used to always confuse me by the way
where as a trainer early trainer I
thought it was just people were just
lazy and then I realized like these are
some pretty successful people that are
hiring me I mean a higher personal
trainer you have to have Expendable
income so most of them were doing pretty
well and I thought they're not lazy
there's something else that's going on
they obviously crush it in other areas
of life they are lazy just in that area
in that area but but they're but how can
I get that carry over you know it's like
they're not just generally lazy people
like what's going on here right so I had
this gentleman who was a successful
entrepreneur and I remember when this
connection happened to him and I knew
like this guy's never going to stop now
he came to me and he goes Sal
I am giving the best sales presentations
I've given in years and he goes and I
realize because I feel so much better
from exercise and that's what I knew
this guy's not going to stop now the
thing that he loves most he has now
connected to the fact that he's
exercising which
by the way
there isn't a single and this is a great
selling point for most people
there isn't a single thing in your life
nothing
that will not improve
if you improve your health
nothing I agreed partner you'll be a
better partner uh entrepreneur you'll be
more productive more Innovative you'll
have better ideas you'll be able to work
harder sleep gets better libido improves
hormone profile improves you're a parent
you'll become a better parent because
your health improves on the other end of
that there isn't a single thing in your
life that won't become worse if your
health declines
so why is this important
well um we talked about the scale okay
all right well so the scale is one
metric let's look at everything
maybe you didn't lose any weight and
you've been working out for three months
because you still haven't figured out
the right amount of calories you're
still kind of overeating but you're
exercising maybe making some different
choices with food that were better than
before
what other things can you look at what
other things have you noticed those are
also very important pay attention to
those things as well then you start to
develop this this broad complete picture
of what's happening through this process
then you start to develop this full
relationship this balanced relationship
that then stays with you for the rest of
your life I'll tell you what
if you were to take 100 people who have
been consistently appropriately
exercising for 10 years people are
consistent with it people who've
developed a good relationship with it
tell them to list the top five reasons
why they continue to do it and I bet you
how they look what make the top five I
bet you number one has to do with
something mental I feel better I have
better energy uh it makes me more
positive or helps my depression or
anxiety
how they look won't make the top five
trip off that and yet the number one
reason why people approach exercise is
to change how they look
um here's something that I've said on my
show many many times and this one I
remember when I first said it it's like
people it resonated so strongly and I
realized that I was taking this for
granted
if you chase Aesthetics
you will eventually lose your health and
then you will lose the Aesthetics
if you chase health
you'll get health and then you'll get
those Aesthetics you your body is a
reflection of your health and if you
compromise your health to accomplish
this look that you're looking for
then you'll have neither eventually
you'll lose both I learned that the hard
way you know you mentioned my microbiome
gut issues I learned at the age of 31
when I had sacrificed my health for the
pursuit of trying to look
you know ripped or buffed or whatever
and I lost a lot of my health and then
my I started losing muscle and started
feeling terrible and I had a whole year
where I had to like completely change
how I looked at things and thankfully it
was a blessing I looked back and it was
a terrible time but I'm so so uh
grateful that I had that because it
really shaped and molded the voice that
I have now
um on my show and how I communicate
health and fitness to most people so the
way I'm talking about health and fitness
is
I believe strongly the way that we need
to communicate it to the average person
it is not easy I'm not saying that uh
you know what I am saying is this is
that if you want to get there you want
to do it long term you have to work on
the why not as much as the how the how
is important
what I do for exercise what I eat all
that also contributes to the you know
the why and the drivers but let's let's
start to look at the why why am I doing
this what's making me do the things that
I do
um why am I reaching for
the the the slice of you know cake or
pizza instead of the thing that I know
that'll make me feel better why am I not
getting up to move why am I allowing
myself to
to make my health worse what's going on
here this is not an easy process it is a
process of awareness but as you move
through this process you'll get there
you'll totally get there and there's
there are
um and I don't want to make it sound so
esoteric I can give specific ways
that'll help a person get there like
I'll give you one example a lot of
um unhealthy behaviors become impulsive
behaviors impulse is just under
Consciousness it's just under awareness
it's that reaching for that unhealthy
food because I'm anxious
um and I'm not really fully aware of
what's going on right so one simple
silly sounding yet effective way of
helping somebody through this process is
create barriers between you and your
impulse and don't allow yourself to be
distracted when you're eating those two
those two things right there would
typically with my clients result in like
a 10 pound weight loss just those two
things right there so I'll give you an
example of the barrier
um take a food that you know for
yourself is like your impulse food right
for me it was potato chips don't have it
in the house but don't say you can't
have it say oh if I want it I'll have it
I just got to drive to the store and get
myself a bag of potato chips that
barrier between you and the impulse just
creates the space for a little bit of
awareness and what happens often when
you do that is you pause do I really
want to get in the car why do I want the
am I really hungry uh I'm not going to
do it so that's one silly simple example
it makes a big difference
the other thing I said was to not eat
while distracted
so
studies are
um I've shown this by the way
when you eat while distracted on your
phone on your computer watching TV
you'll need about 10 to 15 percent more
calories
so you want to cut your calories by 10
to 15 without even trying
just sit down to eat and don't be
distracted literally sit down you and
your food
and just eat
don't do anything else that will
naturally in the studies show this
result in a 10 to 15 percent reduction
in calories so if you eat 2500 calories
a day you'll eat 250 less calories a day
which is like 30 minutes of cardio
you know that's how many calories you
burn about 30 minutes of cardio like
simple things like that make a profound
difference another one which I think
I've said on your show is to avoid foods
that um have been engineered to make you
overeat
so when people I used to love doing this
by the way people would think I was like
a wizard or there's some magic to what I
was doing I would say you know Miss
Johnson would hire me she wants to lose
30 pounds I'd say all right here's what
I want you to do eat as much as you want
just don't eat heavily processed foods
she's like what do you mean does that
eat as much as you want Whole Foods
fruits vegetables
um potato meat eggs you know eat whole
Natural Foods eat as much as you want
let's start there and then they lose
weight and they'd be like what I can't
believe like heavily processed foods or
so you know make your body gain body fat
and then I tell them well you're eating
about 500 calories less a day you just
don't realize it and the data on this is
some of the best studies done on food
are done on heavily processed foods
versus whole Natural Foods actually take
groups of people in a controlled setting
one of the challenges with nutrition
studies is they tend to be observational
so people will come in and Report which
is just notoriously wrong tell people to
tell you what they ate a week ago it's
like forget it yeah they can't remember
or they lie yeah it just it just never
yeah but by the way I'm super aware I
know it's some food tell me to estimate
I'll be off right so um just super
that's that's why there's so many
conflicting studies but these studies
actually took people put them in a
controlled environment and said and they
put whole Natural Foods in this side
type heavily processed foods in this
side macros controlled similar ratios of
proteins fats and carbs and they just
let people eat and they observe them
then they took those groups and switched
them just in case you had like a group
of people that ate more than they
switched them five to six hundred
calorie difference between the two sides
that's a big when I tell people when I
cut people's calories down to get them
to lose weight I typically would try to
cut about five six hundred calories so
again we're talking about behaviors here
right psychology I could tell somebody
track your calories cut 500 calories or
I could say eat as much as you want just
don't eat heavily processed foods both
will result in the same calorie
reduction one of them is much more
likely to feel restrictive and the other
one is more likely to be something that
they'll feel like they're not
restrictive and it's something I can
maintain and do on a long-term basis
that's so interesting so going back to
um where we started so you've got
everybody is there are lies that are
bouncing around inside their head most
of them are self-inflicted
and they're causing them to make
mistakes causing them to go for hyper
palatable food to manipulate their brain
chemistry causing them to think that I
need to be punished and so I'm going
into the gym and now I hate